Sounds like a bad dose of Brexit

Doctor I feel adrift, detached, shipwrecked...

CADS Report publishes private, secret, and classified nonsense about the state of the UK and the Netherlands from anonymous news sources.

CADCO

MMERCIAL ANGLO DUTCH

S OCIET Y

CADS OCIET Y

COMMERCIAL ANGLO DUTCH

Non compos mentis

Dec 2018

Dutch and UK news oddities from both sides of our codless pond

CADS CRIMBLE REVIEW

Brexit hell freezes over

Is there a cure? Yes!

Please pay my receptionist €100 billion

on the way out.

CADCO

MMERCIAL ANGLO DUTCH

S OCIET Y

CADS OCIET Y

CO

MMERCIAL ANGLO DUTCH Brexit Corner The best Brexit cartoons 2017

‘World’s worst zoo’ has a tortoise in a box, chickens, ducks - and inflatable penguins. Tourists flooded to the attraction to see extremely rare South Pole penguins only to be left baffled by what they found.

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds!

SINTERKLAAS CAUGHT PEEING AGAINST AMSTERDAM BUILDING

Man almost dies after Dover

sole jumps down his throat.

The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth! Yet it appears to be exactly the same size as the moon, which is only one-quarter the size of Earth.

68 year old pensioner is selling his non virginity to the lowest bidder.

During your lifetime, you’ll eat about 60,000 pounds of food, that’s the

weight of about six elephants!

There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and month! Interesting tries from our readers. Orange: door hinge, melange Purple: hurtle, durple?, turtle. Month: once, bunth?, hunch.

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!

The average person laughs 13 times a day!

Is this what is meant by ‘and sprinkle some sweets... in one corner or another’?

CAD

CO

MMERCIAL ANGLO DUTCH

S OCIET Y

CADS OCIET Y

CO

MMERCIAL ANGLO DUTCH Strange But True

street. One was a salted.

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, ‘Ribbit, ribbit’ and a horny toad says, ‘Rub it, rub it.

My dad’s name is Phil, and whenever I finish eating and say, ‘Dad, I’m full,’ he always replies, ‘No, I’m full; you’re Ruby.

5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.

What time did the man go to

the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here”.

Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans.

Me: ‘Hey, I was thinking…My dad: ‘I thought I smelled something burning.

How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it.

Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, ‘Do you know why I can’t be buried there?’ And we all say, ‘Why not?’ And he says, ‘Because I’m not dead yet!

Two peanuts were walking down the

CAD

CO

MMERCIAL ANGLO DUTCH

S OCIET Y

CADS OCIET Y

CO

MMERCIAL ANGLO DUTCH World’s worst jokes to get you in the mood for this year’s Jokathon

CADCO

MMERCIAL ANGLO DUTCH

S OCIET Y

CADS OCIET Y

CO

MMERCIAL ANGLO DUTCH Corner Dec 2018

WATERSMIKE

Cha

irman

’s

Last month we returned to the Barbizon Palace; this time in the Henry Hudson room, with windows.

Our speaker was former ambassador Ate Oostra, who gave us a very Dutch view of Brexit! Ate kindly stepped in at short notice after Sjoerd Gosses was unavoidably engaged elsewhere. The UK disaster continues to unfold! Later in the month Han de Jong, chief economist of ABN, outlined the very rosy view of the Dutch economy in 2017, and the expected further growth in 2018. Both years are ‘Goldilocks years’, with low inflation, growing economy, low unemployment and good profits. The converse of the UK, where the economy is being downgraded, inflation is rising, austerity is king and the market is falling.

Incredibly, it’s the Jokathon again!Prepare your jokes, bring your guests and partners, and we will be back in the

Barbizon on Friday 15th at 1215 for an orgy of fun and frolics. If this is your first Jokathon, don’t worry, you don’t have to tell jokes – See you for lunch the Barbizon Palace on Fri 15th Dec, 2017

participation is purely voluntary! The winner is democratically elected by all the attendees, and the trophy is amazing! This year I’m also adding a bottle of wine as the prize. Scott Anderson is the defending champion, so prepare for a difficult battle – nothing can be more tragically funny than being American at the moment!

The latest wheeze of the utterly incompetent May government

is to persuade MPs that there is no alternative to approving its plans when their abominable deal is finally put to a Parliamentary vote at the last minute in early 2019. She insists that the only alternative will be a chaotic and disorderly Brexit.

Unfortunately, both the architect of Clause 50, Lord Kerr, and the

EU negotiators disagree with her, saying that the UK government can unilaterally halt the process at any

time. The argument is being taken via the Scottish courts to the International Court of Justice in Luxembourg, who will hopefully have the final word before the Parliamentary vote is taken.

As predicted last

month, Carlos Puigdemont is now on remand in Spain, having

been arrested, jailed and bailed. Catalonia elections are being held next month. Let’s see how he performs! One of his pledges is to improve prison food, which he found awful.

See you on Friday 15th December at 12:15pm at the

Barbizon Palace lobby bar!As ever the lunch will be “a cultivated digression from the politics of the office; a sunny terrace in the crude storm of the everyday.” (John Richardson book of quotes).

Here’s a Brexit joke for you:

“Why did Britain cross the road?”

CADCO

MMERCIAL ANGLO DUTCH

S OCIET Y

CADS OCIET Y

CO

MMERCIAL ANGLO DUTCH

Thanks to BrexitI shall be mostly

drinking home brewed Yorkshire Champagne

for CADS lunch.

This space reserved for CADs Army

Actually, we never said we’d cross the road entirely