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Dreams, Disappointments and Kashmir

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Dearest Darling Friends,

When there is a love failure in life, we brood for years or

months or days. Sometimes we never come out of the sense

of loss forever. Why then, the pain of loss of parents due to

death or family split is overcome in matter of days or even

hours?” A colleague Dr. Ashish had asked this question a few

years ago.

This question hit me like a bolt. It had a firm ring of truth to it.

I discussed this question with my students. Their answer

revealed many interesting lines of thoughts. A profound

sharing by Dr Sonali was transformational.

She said, “My father was hospitalized a few months back.

While tending to him, one day out of the blue he said he wants

to go to Kashmir. Immediately I also wanted to take him there.

He has been there a few times. But that is his favorite place. Since then I have been planning a holiday with

him to Kashmir.” She paused and added, “Today, his health is not ok. I have been waiting for the first

opportunity to take him to Kashmir. I have been dreaming about this in the future with him.”

Dr Sonali then said, “I guess many of us do not see any dreams of the future WITH OUR PARENTS. That is

why we get over our loss so fast.” Awesome.

When things don’t work out with someone with whom we have dreamt a lot about our future, we find it difficult

to accept it. In the future the wound remains painful for in the future too there is a sense of loss.

When an ex-partner progresses well, there is a heart burn for we had visualised being partners in success

and now he was being successful all by himself.

When an ex is happy with someone else, it is painful for we had visualised this happiness together.

When an ex employee progresses more than the boss, its difficult for we had seen him working for us forever.

Now, he is faster than us too. That is difficult to accept.

Disappointments are deep when the future is involved. Disappointments are deep when we have each other in

our dreams.

4/25/2014 Dreams, Disappointments and Kashmir | Life School Pune

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Some one else said, with our parents we hardly do anything to develop ‘love’. They have done everything to

make us feel loved. Our emotional investment on them is infinitely less than our emotional investment on the

other person whom we ‘loved’ and lost.

Since we have made huge investment, our loss is difficult to accept. We become ego involved with our own

past, our choice of love, the betrayal etc.

This means, more the investment, greater the disappointment.

The truth is that ’As much as I have visualized a future with my wife and my children, I have not visualized it

with my parents.’

I mean, I would love to have them around as long as I am alive, but I had till date not seen them as an integral

part of my future dreams. They seemed to be a part of my life to bless me, they were there as a part of my life

to guide me, they were there as a part of my life as an extension of my social identity. But yes, I had not

visualized a great holiday to the exotic locations of the world I intended to travel with my family, with them.

Some how, a few years in to marriage, my family had become me, my wife and the kids we brought in this world

together. Its so funny. While I was still a part of my parents family in all the plans they had for life, I had not

considered this fact for a long long time.

I felt truly ashamed of myself. The more I thought the more I realised, I needed to correct my path. Without

the roots no tree can grow. Without firm and strong roots only creepers are possible. I have always

wanted to live my life as a banyan tree and never as a creeper.

I have now included my parents in all possible goals for the future. I am enjoying the very idea of it. In fact, it is

sounding so good, I wonder how I missed it up for so long.

I also believe loving someone who loves me is the most needed and fulfilling expression of

gratitude.

My parents deserve me. In this time of my life when they do not need to protect me, to provide for

me, I want to do all that for them. I am going to do it excellently well for them and for me.

I stay in Pune, they stay in Chennai. I will meet them in the month of May. I am going to make a holiday plan for

all of us together. And yes, I will ask them if they too are fascinated by Kashmir.

With loads of love, prayers and exceptional wishes,

Narendra Goidani

As I Live…I Learn

Exciting News!

Announcing our Upcoming Programs -

1)“Lets Explore” from – 9th to 13 June 2014.

2) “Waah Ustaad“ – 2 Full-Day Training program on 13th and 14th May 2014

For Details -

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