dreaming from the journal page by melanie testa

8/2/2019 Dreaming From the Journal Page by Melanie Testa

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tr aslkrdiam tbo

trjaslkrdiam tbo

sfotgbnkkf

tktk jrt

d o h jai o t o s t j

lrkd tbo

ckurajh pjmo



gbjptor tbroo • 7<

Pbo Pogbaiquos72 Wkhi` Mrkua`s

79 Mrj`jtikas

05 ôsists3 Hiqui` Lrisfot

0> ôsists3Djtto ja` Wodimhkss Doìuds

00 Prjaslors3Prjgiam-Ujpor Kvorhjy

02 Prjaslors3 Wjrjh Ujpor

?5 ûhiam Uoa

?> Gkhhjmo

?0 Wtjdps3 Bja`gjrvo` ûnnor

?2 Wtjdps3 Lua Lkjd

<> Wtoagihs3 ôusjnho

<0 Wtoagihs3 Lrisfot Ujpor ja`ôdkvjnho Jrtist’s Pjpo

<< Wtoagihs3 Lroozor-UjporGhktb Wtoagihs

<2 Cudpia m-Kl l U kia t3 Wky ]jx3 Yku Gja’t ôsist Pbis!

Wky ]jx ôsist

Wky ]jx ka Ghktb

gbjptor lkur • =<

@rjwiam=2 Hkksoa _p!

=9 @rjwiam ]jrd-_ps

25 Wbjò`-Dkka Oxorgiso

2: J`ìtikajh @rjwiam Oxorgisos

2> Nkuquot-@rjwiam Oxorgisos

20 @ogkrjtivo @rjwiam

2? ]bidsy ja` Idjmiajtivo @rjwiam

2< Ajturo @rjwiam

22 @rjwiam tbo Budja Lkrd

95 Cudpiam-K ll Ukiat 3 Djgbiao @rjwa Hiao

gbjptor livo • 9>

Pbo Pbrkw @kwas90 Wiamho Pogbaiquo Gbjhhoamos

92 @kunho Pogbaiquo Gbjhhoamos

:5> Pripho Pogbaiquo Gbjhhoamos

:5= Oxphkò` \iows

gbjptor six • :: >

Mjhhory

:>0 ôskurgos

:> ? Iaòx

:> < Jnkut tbo Jutbkr

gbgkatoats

0 Iatrkùgtika

gbjptor kao • <

Pbo ]bjt9 Ckurajhs

:5 Ujiat

:> Uoas, Uoagihs ja` Orjsors:7 Nrusbos

:0 Mhuos ja` Ktbor _soluh Itods

:< Cudpiam-K ll Ukiat 3 Ujiriam Ghktb ja` Ujportk Pogbaiquos

gbjptor twk • :2

Gkhkr3Mot tk Fakw It>5 Gkhkr Pjns

>: Hojra Jnkut Gkhkria >5 Diautos kr Hoss

>> Pbo Gkhkr ]booh

>0 Dixiam Ykur KwaGkhkr ]booh

>< @ry-ka-@ry ]jtorgkhkr Oxphkrjtikas

>2 ]ot-ka-]ot ]jtorgkhkr Oxphkrjtikas

75 Cudpiam-K ll Ukiat 3 Hkw-Iddorsika Ljnrig @yoiam

Pwk-Gkhkr Mrj`jtika

Nkaus Wfihhnuihòr3Bja`-@yo` Gkhkr ]booh



i a t r k u g t i k a

K po a i am j ck u r aj h tk rj w, pj i a t, `kk ho j a` dj f o

dj r f s o x pj a`s yk u r g roj t i vo pk to a t ij h

j a` is ak t b i am s bk r t

k l ro vk h u t ik aj r y. \ is uj h ck u r a

j h i am k r f oo p i am j a j r t is t ’s ck u r aj h is j ij hkm,

j a k po a i am tk t bo so h l j r t is t igj h h y,

j p hjgo k l v is uj h o x p hk rj t ik a t bj t w i h h ho

j` yk u k a

g roj t i vo j a` i a to h hog t uj h ck u r a

o ys ao vo r no lk ro roj do` k l. I t so r vos js j a o x to as ik a

k l yk u r i djm i aj t ik a, nogk d i am j rogo p tjg ho

k l g roj t i vo iòjs j a` j sk u rgo k l j r t is t

ig

ro ao wj h. I t s u p pk r ts yk u

js j a j r t is t, pj ys i a tk yk u r g r

oj t i vo tj ho a t j a` is j a i a vos t do a t

i a yk u j r t is t ig vk igo j a` s i am u hj r v is

ik a, w b i ho t rj i a i am yk u r d i a`, o yos j a` amo rs tk

ro aò r k r im i aj h iòjs. P bo ro is ak k ao i a t bo wk r h` q u i to h i f o yk u, j a` yk u wj a t yk u r

j r t tk bj vo j vk igo t bj t is js i vo rso, o amjmo` j a` o x pj as i vo js yk u f ak w yk u rso h

l tk no.

I a t b is nkk f , I p roso a t tog b a iq uos lk r yk u tk uso i a yk u r ck

u r aj h p rjg t igo. J h h k l

t bo tog b a iq uos gj a no uso` k a pj po r, j a` dks t gj a no uso` k a g hk t b js wo h h. P bo ro

j ro tog b a iq uos t bj t bj vo i rog t gk r ro hj t ik as. L r is f o t pj po r (j hk w

- tjg f , j bos i vo s to ag i h

p hjs t ig ), lk r o xj d

p ho, is j djs f t bj t w bo a uso` k a pj po r y io h`s ros u h ts s i d i hj r tk t bkso

jg b io vo` w bo a us i am l roo zo r pj po r, j p hj

s t ig-gkj to` pj po r w i t b j s b i a y s iò t bj t i rk as

ojs i h y tk g hk t b. J s yk u p rkm ross t b rk um b t bo pjmos k l t b is

nkk f , yk u j ro o agk u rjmo`

tk hj yo r, n u i h` j a` uso d u h t i p ho tog b a iq uos k a j s i am ho pjm

o, m i v i am yk u r iòjs ò p t b,

i do as ik a j a` dj t u r i t y. ] bo ro vo r p

kss i n ho, wo w i h h dj f o gk a aog t ik as no t woo a t bo s i d-

i hj r i t ios j a` i l lo ro agos no t woo a pj po r j a` g hk t b ‐ t boso j ro gj h ho` C u d p i am-K l l Uk i a ts.

P bo ro j ro p rk cog t iòjs sgj t to ro` t b rk um bk u t t bo nkk f js wo h h. I p r

oso a t t boso

tog b a iq uos j a` iòjs i a t bo bk pos k l p us b i am t bo bk r i zk a k l pkss i n i h i t y lj r t bo r t bj a

yk u d im b t i djm i ao. J h wj ys ro do d no r t bj t t boso j ro tog b a iq uos, ak t mkj hs i a j a`

k l t bo dso h vos.

Ho t ’s nom i a t bo ck u r ao y k l hoj r a i am, dj f i am d is tj f os j a` o x po r io ag i am dk do a ts k l

ogs tj t ig jggk d p h is b do a t. Pk

ojg b d is tj f o j a` jggk d p h is b do a t sj y, ‘ ]k w ! — k u t hk u

`

j a` w i t b g b i h h i f o j nj a`k a ! @k ak t c u`mo yk u r o l lk r ts6 d

o ro h y o x po r io ago t bo d j a` s t r i vo

lk r no t to r ros u h ts. ]o o d nj r f k a j po rsk aj h ck u r a

o y tk a` yk u r j r t is t ig vk igo j a` v is ik a.

P b is is t bo ck u r ao y k l j h i

lo t i do j a` gj a k a h y no rojg bo` k ao s to p j t j t i do. Dj f o i t

po r d iss i vo h y j a` wk aò r l u h h y y

k u rs.



Ckurajhs gbkksiam j ckurajh

J mkk` phjgo tk nomia ckurajh sbkppiam is tk quostika ykur

jvjihjnho jrt supphios ja` ykur iatoatikas. @k yku wjat tk

oxporioago tbo wkaòrs kl jpphyiam wjtorgkhkr pjiats tk wka orluhhy sizo wjtorgkhkr pjpor; @k yku wjat tk uso

ovory pjiat ia ykur jrsoajh ja` akt gjro wbjt pjpor kr

pjiat yku gbkkso tk uso; ]kuh` yku rjtbor stjrt kut toa-

tjtivohy, purgbjsiam j hoss oxpoasivo jrrjy kl tkkhs ia kròr

tk try ykur bja` jt jhh tbo togbaiquos histo` ia tbis nkkf;

Pbis is ykur ckuraoy ja` I oagkurjmo yku tk odnrjgo wbjt

wkrfs nost lkr yku ja` tk ghojr tbo wjy lkr ykur nost ollkrts

tk gkdo tk lruitika.

Wtrjtbdkro \isujh Ckurajhs jro mkk oatry hovoh ckur-

ajhs tbjt wihh suppkrt wot, ry ja grojdy doìj. Pbo pjpor

ia tbis spirjhnkua ckurajh gkdos ia twk woimbts, 95 hn. kr

:05 hn. Pbo gkvors jro bjr` ja` gkuh` witbstja` j ogoat

pjiatiam, skdo gkhhjmo ja` tbo j`ìtika kl lua, tbkumb I

not j himbt sjaìam wkuh oagkurjmo pjiat ja mhuo jpphigj-

tikas tk j`boro nottor.

Dkhosfia Wfotgbnkkfs ja` ]jtorgkhkr Nkkfs jro

mkk` lkr mkujgbo ja` wjtorgkhkr pjiats. Pbjt is tk sjy,

mkujgbo is tbo kahy pjiat tbjt gja no uso` ia tbo Dkhosfiao

Wfotgbnkkf, wbiho nktb mkujgbo ja` wjtorgkhkr gja nouso` ia tbo ]jtorgkhkr Nkkf. Dkhosfiao Wfotgbnkkfs ja`

]jtorgkhkr Nkkfs gkdo ia twk sizos, 7´ x ?´" (2.95gd x

:0gd) kr ? x 2´" (:>.=?gd x >:gd)6 tbo ]jtorgkhkr Nkkf

kpoas ia hja`sgjpo lkrdjt, wbiho tbo Wfotgbnkkf kpoas ia

pkrtrjit krioatjtika.

I jd gurroathy oatroagbo` ia djfiam dy kwa ckur-

ajhs, ja` yku wihh soo skdo kl tboso witbia tbo pjmos kl tbis

nkkf. I wihh hojvo ìsgussika kl nkkfdjfiam togbaiquos

ja` jpprkjgbos tk tbkso wbkso sfihhs jro ljr nottor tbja dy

kwa, nut I wihh ìsguss skdo kl tbo pjpor I bjvo lkua` tk

no ohigikus ja` wby. Kl gkurso yku gja purgbjso skdo kl

tboso pjpors, nriam tbod tk j gkpy sbkp tbjt bjs tbo jnihity

tk gut tbod tk sizo ja` jpphy j spirjhniaìam, ja` djfo ja

oxporidoatjh nkkf kl pjpors lkr yku tk jssoss ykur kwa

hifos ja` ishifos.

9



Mjtbor Pbis3• :05 hn. wjtorgkhkr pjpor gut iatk

>" (?gd) strips‐kao lkr ojgbtypo pjiat yku wihh uso

• Ujiat

• Uoagih kr poa

Gkhkr Pjns Pbis is tbo rst ja` ojsiost wjy tk mot tk fakw ykur gkhkrs. It is nost il yku djfo j siamho gbjrt lkr ojgb typo kl

pjiat yku phja tk uso3 wjtorgkhkr, mkujgbo ja` jgryhig. Widphy swipo pjiat irogthy lrkd tbo tuno, wotto` pja kr

cjr katk j strip kl pjpor, djfiam suro yku swipo tbo pjiat jhh tbo wjy kll kao o`mo kl tbo pjpor. Hjnoh ojgb gkhkr

jggkrìam tk tbo nkttho kr tuno. Pboso swipo` gkhkr tjns wihh bohp yku mrjn tbo gkhkr tbjt is cust rimbt lkr ykuraoxt prkcogt kr iòj.

:. Mrkup sidihjr buos tkmotbor.

>. Wwipo pjiat kll kao o`mo kl tbo wjtorgkhkr pjpor.

7. Hjnoh ojgb gkhkr jggkrìam tk tbo pjiat hjnoh.

tip !

Foop tbis gbjrt aojrny js yku mot tk fakw

ykur pjiats. Il yku aoo` ja ojrtby yoh hkw,

yku wihh no jnho tk gbogf ykur tjns, tboa

rojgb lkr Yohhkw Kgbro.

>5



I summost yku `k tbis oxorgiso ia >5 diautos kr

hoss‐`k akt kvor tbiaf jay kl tbis!

Gbkkso j njsig gkhkr, hifo nhuo, ja` gut saips ja`

gbips kl jay skrt kl nhuo yku a` witbia tbo pjmos kl

djmjziaos, j`s, yors, gjtjhkms, wbjtovor. Himbt nhuo,

`jrf nhuo, sfy nhuo. Ovoa il ja idjmo bjs j tiamo kl

nhuo, gut ja` mhuo it katk tbo pjmo, witbkut hojviam

spjgo notwooa ykur gut piogos.

Kago ykur pjmo is gkdphoto, hkkf jt it ja` jsf

ykursohl3 Jro jhh kl tbo saips ja` gbips nhuo wboa

gkdpjro` tk tboir aoimbnkrs;

Kl tbo saips tbjt akw hkkf ‘kll,— ovjhujto wbjt

djò yku gbkkso tbjt gkhkr ia tbo rst phjgo, ja`

òtordiao il it is nhuo jltor jhh.

Hojra Jnkut Gkhkr ia >5 Diautos kr Hoss

Il yku bkh` j nhuo jsbgjr` ia ykur bja` ja` sbkw it tk twoaty pokpho, tboa put tbo gjr` jwjy ja` jsf ojgb

porska tk òsgrino tbo gkhkr, yku wihh mot twoaty tktjhhy ìlloroat rospkasos. Kao porska wihh òsgrino tbo nhuo js

bjviam j sdi`mo kl yohhkw, wbiho jaktbor dimbt gjhh tbo sjdo gkhkr uhtrjdjriao. Ujiatiam ghku`s gja no kao kl

tbo dkst ìlguht tbiams ja jrtist wihh ljgo nogjuso tboro jro sk djay sbjòs kl wbito. Yku wihh jhsk a` tbjt phjg-

iam kao sbjò kl nhuo jhkam siò jaktbor wihh iauoago ojgb gkhkr rospogtivohy.

Mjtbor Pbis3• Djmjziao

• Wgisskrs • Mhuo

• Ckurajh

>:



>. Ukur : ⁀ 0 gup kl sk`j jsb kvor ojgb ljt qujrtor, ja`jhhkw tbo ljnrig tk skjf lkr ltooa diautos kr dkro.Dix ojgb kl twk `yo dixturos iatk : : ⁀ 0 gups kl wjtor(soo `yo Dixturo/Yjr`jmo Gbjrt). Uhjgo kao gkhkr tktbo rimbt kl tbo rkw kl qujrt gkatjiaors ja` kao tktbo holt.

:. Pk `yo vo ljt qujrtors ia mrj`jtika, hjnoh ojgb klvo kao-qujrt gkatjiaors js #: tbrkumb #? ja`phjgo kao ljt qujrtor ia ojgb gkatjiaor.

0. Pboa wkrfiam lrkd rimbt tk holt, dojsuro oimbttjnhospkkas kl tbo sogka` `yo dixturo iatk qujrt#:, lkur tjnhospkkas iatk qujrt #>, twk tjnho-spkkas iatk qujrt #7 ja` kao tjnhospkka iatkqujrt #0.

7. Pboa, wkrfiam lrkd holt tk rimbt, dojsuro oimbttjnhospkkas kl tbo rst `yo dixturo iatk qujrt #?,lkur tjnhospkkas iatk qujrt #0, twk tjnhospkkasiatk qujrt #7 ja` kao tjnhospkka iatk qujrt #>.

?. Uhjgo ojgb kao-qujrt gkatjiaor ia j zip-tkp njmja` njtgb lkr 0 tk 02 bkurs.

<. ^odkvo tbo ljnrig lrkd tbo gkatjiaors. Wkjf, wjsb ja` jhhkw tbo ljnrig tk ry.

77



?. Jhhkw tbo pjmo tk `ry. Yku gja bohp it jhkam witb j bojt mua, il

yku’` hifo.

tip !

Odnrjgo tbo rjw ja` rippo` o`mos! Il yku bjvo j loht tippo` poa,

moathy tkugb tbo poa tk tbo tkra o`mo, jhhkwiam tbo iaf tk l hkw iatk

tbo rjw o`mo. ]jtgb tbis kggur witb jnja`ka ja` cky6 tboro is djmig

ia wjtgbiam ykur jrt gkdo tk lruitika.

0. _so j gro`it gjr` kr squoomoo tk jttoa tbo trjgiam pjpor trjaslor tk

tbo pjmo6 no gjroluh akt tk tojr tbo trjgiam pjpor.

0<



Prjaslors3 Wjrjh Ujpor Uorbjps yku gjpturo` j wkaòrluh mosturo ka ja oavohkpo, kr yku wkuh` hifo tk rosizo ja` rowkrf j `rjwiam

lrkd tbo pjst. Wjrjh pjpor gja bohp yku trjaslor tbo sjhioat otjihs kl ykur krimiajh rjwiams lrkd kao pjmo tk

jaktbor.

Wjrjh pjpor is j trjaslor pjpor tbjt gkdos ia sovorjh gkhkrs ja` typos, ojgb iatoaò` lkr spogig purpksos.

Pbo mrjpbito vorsika bjs ja ovoa gkjtiam kl mrjpbito ka kao siò, djfiam tbjt siò jppojr `jrfor tbja tbo aka-

mrjpbito siò. It is orjsjnho. Pbo sjdo sboot kl Wjrjh pjpor gja no rouso` uatih yku jro uajnho tk trjaslor mkk`,

ghojr hiaos.

Mjtbor Pbis3• Ja krimiajh `rjwiam

• Dogbjaigjh poagih

• Wjrjh trjaslor pjpor (mrjpbito)

• @rjltsdja’s tjpo

02



:. Jpphy sky wjx tk tbo ghktb.

>. Wundormo tbo ghktb ia sk`j jsb.

7. J`` ykur `yo dixturo.

0. Njtgb.

?. ]ojriam mhkvos, bja`wjsb tbo ghktb

witb bkt wjtor ja` otormoat. (Lkrdkro ialkrdjtika ka wjsbiam ja`òtormoats, soo Gbjptor >, Hkw-

]jtor Iddorsika Ljnrig @yoiam.)

Wky ]jx ka Ghktb(Hkw-]jtor Iddorsika)

ôdkviam tbo sky wjx lrkd pjpor is js ojsy js wo`miam tbo pjpor notwooa nutgbor pjpor ja` irkaiam tbo pjporka tbo sottiam uso` tk irka gkttka. ]itb skdo pjpors, yku wihh soo j nhkkd kl kih ia ykur osima, wbigb dust

no jggopto` js pjrt kl tbo osima. ]jsbiam pjpor is akt j`visjnho.

ôdkviam sky wjx lrkd ghktb is ljirhy ojsy, nut it roquiros j stop kr twk dkro tbja pjpor. Lirst, irka tbo

oxgoss wjx notwooa twk sboots kl aowspriat. Pboa wjsb ykur ghktb ia tbo wjsbiam djgbiao usiam j bkt-wjtor

gygho ja` hjua`ry otormoat. @ry it js yku wkuh` jay ktbor ghktb. Wky wjx is gkdphotohy nikòmrj`jnho, ja`

it wihh akt bjrd ykur phudniam kr tbo oavirkadoat.

Il yku wkuh` rjtbor bja`wjsb ykur ghktb, sidphy sundormo it uaòr tbo bkt tjp, wottiam it tbkrkumbhy,

tboa skjp it up ja` jmitjto it uatih yku ak hkamor looh tbo kihy rosiùo. Ykur bja`s wihh no dkisturizo` ja`

ykur ghktb gja bjam tk ry. Nogjuso ghktb gja no wjsbo , ak nhkkds kl kih wihh rodjia.

ôdkviam tbo ]jx lrkd Ujpor ja` Ghktb

=?



Pbo nost rjwiams jro hkkso, kwiam, gkdduaigj-

tivo jlljirs. Pboy spojf kl tbo ojso ja` oamjmodoat

tbo jrtist bjs witb bor suncogt djttor. Wtjrt jhh kl ykur

`rjwiam sossikas ny sbjfiam kut ykur bja`s, sbkuh`orsja` aogf. Kago ykur nk`y is hkkso, gbkkso lrkd j

nrkj` jrrjy kl djtorijhs‐ljt djrfors, j pkgfotnrusb,

j poagih, j mrjpbito stigf kr wbjtovor ohso loohs rimbt.

Pjfo kut skdo sgrjp pjpor ja` `rjw tbo gkatkur kl ja

kncogt, nhia` gkatkur (`k akt hkkf jt tbo pjmo), uso

djrfs tk mjumo wboro ykur hiaos wihh lkrd, sgrinnho-

`rjw. @k akt spoa` dugb tido ka tboso rjwiams6

yku jro dorohy hkksoaiam up ja` hottiam mk.

Gkatkur `rjwiam3@rjw cust tbo kutor o`mo kl ykur gbksoa kncogt.

Nhia` gkatkur3@k akt hkkf jt tbo pjmo js yku `rjw.

Hkksoa _p!

Uhkt ykur gkurso3_so j poagih tk bohp yku phjgo wboro ojgb kncogt wihh rosi`oka tbo pjmo. Pboa rjw witb j poa.

Wgrinn ho -`rjw3Mk jboj` ja` no hkkso ja` shkppy.

=2



@rjw Ykur Ljvkrito Gkhhogtika

Pboro is ak nottor wjy tk idprkvo ykur rjwiam sfihhs tbja tk rjw sidihjr kncogts ropojto`hy. Jrrjamo ykur

gkhhogtika sk tbjt skdo itods jro jt j si`o viow, tippo` kvor kr upsi`o kwa. Pbo pkiat is tk gbjhhoamo ykursohl

tk mrkw jrtistigjhhy. Prjiaiam ykur oyo tk soo ja` rjw porspogtivo is vory idpkrtjat.

9<



Lhkri`j WgrunCjy Uihhkw

Wihf akih, sihf vohvot, gkttka nrkj`-

ghktb, hkw-wjtor iddorsika `yo, stjdp,

stoagih, djgbiao-`rjwa hiao, jgryhig

pjiat, Jurilih Djfk gkttka tbroj`,

rjyka odnrki`ory tbroj` ]biho tbo vohvot wjs sky-wjx rosisto`

ja` yo`, tbo ajrrkw trid tk its

rimbt wjs yo` ja` stjdpo`. Pbo

djckrity kl tbis pihhkw wjs stoa-

giho` ja` stjdpo` ka sihf akih. Pbo

sgrkhhs woro stoagiho` ja` bimb-

himbto` ia pjiat witb j ruhiam poa.

Pbo girghos woro stoagiho` usiam

soquia wjsto6 tbo rips woro juno`

tbrkumb j quigf lroozor-pjpor

stoagih. Pbo Lhkri`j Wgrun Cjy wjstrjaslorro` tk tbo ljnrig usiam trjg-

iam pjpor, wbigb I sowo` tbrkumb

ja` tboa tkro jwjy. Pboa I pjiato`

tbo aomjtivo spjgo jrkua` tbo nir`

tk djfo bid pkp, ja` I pjiato` bis

oyo, nojf ja` pkrtikas kl bis nk`y

nolkro djfiam tbo pihhkw.

dreaming from the journal page by melanie testa

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