dragon in the tunnel

8/8/2019 Dragon in the Tunnel

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Over the years, my step-uncle Ivan has appeared in 16

of my recorded dreams (my father, in comparison, hasappeared in 1,062 dreams during the same period). My

father was born in 1932, the son of my grandfather

Cole and my grandmother Mabel. My grandfather Cole


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died in 1947 (almost five years before I was born in

1952). Subsequently, in 1949, my grandmother Mabel

married my step-grandfather Clarence, who wasalready the father of Ivan.

Soon after Mabel and Clarence married (around 1950),

they moved to the Pike County Farm (approximately

200 acres in southern Ohio), where they remained until

1963, when they moved to the Gallia County Farm (388

hilly acres) in southeastern Ohio. They lived on theGallia County Farm until Clarence died in 1993.

After Mabel and Clarence moved from the Pike County

Farm in 1963, Ivan moved with his wife and children

onto the Pike County Farm. He received the Pike

County Farm as inheritance when my step-grandfather

Clarence died in 1993, and he remains there to thisday.

Dream of: 11 August 1973 "Enveloping Water"

With my father and my mother (in their early 30s), Iwas visiting my paternal grandmother Mabel and my

paternal step-grandfather Clarence in the Farmhouse(on my grandparents' 388 acre Farm in hill-cradled

Gallia County, in southeastern Ohio). It was
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summertime; the trees and fields were green and I feltyoung.

I walked outside and headed down the hill behind theFarmhouse to the old milkhouse-barn at the bottom.

After I had reached the barn and looked over thestacked hay, my step-grandfather Clarence pulled up on

his tractor and announced that he needed to load 17bails of hay onto the platform-lift behind the tractor

to take to his cattle.I told him that I would help, but that I first had tourinate. I walked to the side of the barn and urinated(much longer than usual). I became engrossed with the

sensation as if I were experiencing a protractedsexual orgasm.

Having finished, I returned to Clarence, helped himload the hay, and then climbed onto the tractor.Another man (whom I didn't recognize) stepped up,

climbed onto the rear of the tractor with me and satdown. Once the man was seated, he opened his mouth

and displayed some hair growing inside. When Irealized the tractor wasn't moving, I figured out thata hair in the mans mouth had to be pulled to set thetractor in motion; so I reached into his mouth andjerked one of the hairs, whereupon the tractor
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immediately jolted and we were on our way.While his four healthy dogs bounded along beside us

(two older dogs appeared younger and stronger thanusual), Clarence steered the tractor around to thefront of the Farmhouse onto Symmes Creek Road.

Clarence then pulled off the Road and into the field atthe bottom in front of the Farmhouse, where muddySymmes Creek flows. After Clarence began driving

along the edge of the creek, he soon ventured too closeto the edge and the tractor began tumbling over thebank into the water. Only now (as I managed to slip

unharmed off the side) did I notice my father and mystep-uncle Ivan (Clarence's son) also on the tractor.

They, along with Clarence, were drug into the

enveloping creek. Fearing the worst, I sat down on thebank and waited for them to re-surface my terrorand fear prevented my jumping into the water to save

them.Finally, I leaped up from the ground and dashed towardthe Farmhouse. Running as fast as I could, I reached

the Farmhouse, rushed inside and cried to mygrandmother and my mother that the tractor hadcrashed into the creek, that my father, Ivan and

Clarence had drowned and that I had been unable to
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save them because I hadn't known life-saving. Mymother rushed from the Farmhouse (with me following)

and headed toward the spot where the tragedy hadoccurred. As we approached the creek, we heardvoices, and I began to harbor hopes the men had

survived.When we reached the creek, however, we found sevenstrange men sitting on the bank to the left of where

the creek had swallowed the tractor ... seven menbrandishing rifles and shotguns. A rotting moose headlay on the ground near the men. When I plaintively

asked the men why no one had helped with theaccident, they just laughed. I repeated the question

and they continued laughing.

In anger, I picked up some mud and slung it at one man the mud struck him in the face. When the man in turnpicked up his gun, my mother and I ran, and he chasedus, back toward the Farmhouse. When I reached theFarmhouse, I raced inside, grabbed one of Clarence's

guns and began loading it. I aimed the loaded gun at theman as he climbed up the hill in front of the

Farmhouse.My grandmother stood in the room watching the scene;she seemed ancient and completely disconcerted by the
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events.Ivan was a tall lanky man. I do not think he finished

high school. He was poor, raised tobacco, and smokedcigarettes himself. He sometimes worked as a logger,

cutting trees for logging companies. He settled down

with his wife and four children in the Pike County

Farmhouse and never had to pay any rent. I rarely ever

saw him, except when by chance we would both be

visiting my grandparents at the same time at the GalliaCounty Farm.

Dream of:05 October 1978 "Fleeting Images"

I took two pounds of marijuana to Ramo's house (Ramowas a friend with whom I started using drugs when wewere both seniors in high school in 1970). I wanted to

sell the marijuana to Ramo, but when I realized Ramodid not yet have the money with which to buy themarijuana, I left.

Outside in the street I encountered Rico (a Germanacquaintance I met while I was in Iran in 1978), and we

began playing a game of chase. As I chased Ricothrough the streets, we came to a fire station and

walked inside. We saw a firetruck, as well as the bedswhere the firemen slept. We also saw two, large, glassjugs of milk. Since Rico and I both had mugs with us,
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we each filled our mugs and drank a mug-full of milk. Aswe filled the mugs a second time, intending to leave

with them, Rico asked a fireman how much the milkcost. He was told the milk would cost 1,000 rials

(currency of Iran). We thought the price wasridiculously high. Finally the fireman said the milk only

cost 60 rials and we paid him for it.***

I returned to Ramo's house where I found Ramo in aroom on the first floor. When I poked a stick in a holein the chimney in the room, I could hear stones which I

had knocked loose falling inside the chimney. Itsounded as if the chimney had no floor and that the

stones continued falling down.

I noticed Shannon McGee (an acquaintance from myhome town of Portsmouth, Ohio whom I met in 1977)sitting in the room, smoking a joint. He said themarijuana he was smoking was some of the same

marijuana I was selling. I praised the marijuana, took ahit from the joint, and passed it to Ramo.

Ramo and I then walked upstairs to his room, where Isaw many little white bags full of white powder on hisdresser. Ramo said the powder was just like psilocybin

mushrooms and that the powder was good when
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sprinkled on marijuana.Other people were also in the house; I heard Ramo's

parents coming up the stairs. Obviously they knew whatwas going on in Ramo's bedroom, but they didn't say

anything. Suddenly an excited man burst into the room.At first I thought the man was a policeman, but he was

only complaining because he couldn't pay his rentbecause Ramo owed him $200. When two or three

other men also showed up, a fight seemed to be in themaking; but the men finally left without furtherincident.

I stood up and told Ramo if he would simply sell onepound of marijuana, he would have enough money to paythe man. When I also told him he should do something

with the white powder, he gave me one bag and I begansnorting the powder from it.I noticed a doll in the room which reminded me of my

brother Chris (five years my junior, crippled withmuscular dystrophy). The image of Chris made me

remember a time when I had been with Chris at thePike County Farmhouse. I recalled that my step-uncleIvan, Ivan's wife, and two small girls had walked intothe room. Chris had spoken with one of the girls, and

then they had all left.
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I always thought my father and my side of the family

were superior to Ivan and his side of the family. Ivan

was poor and had accomplished little with his life. Myfather was college-educated and geared toward

wealth. After I entered law school in 1981, my disdain

for Ivan only increased, especially since I felt he was

little more than a parasite consuming my grandparents'

estate.

Dream of:21 September 1982 "Parasites"I had gone to visit the home of my step-grandfatherClarence and my grandmother Mabel. The house was arather modern one which reminded me somewhat of

the House in New Boston (a ranch style house which myfather had built in 1968 on a hill in New Boston, Ohio).

Mabel wasn't there; I had the feeling that she haddied and that Clarence had inherited the house; butClarence likewise wasn't there.

I walked into the living room which soon began fillingwith people whom I perceived to be relatives of

Clarence and who seemed to be somehow related to mystep-uncle Ivan. The more I looked at them, the more Ithought that they were only in-laws or step-relatives

of Ivan and that the relation with him was rathertenuous. They were a rather unsavory bunch. They
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weren't dirty, but they seemed uncouth and several ofthem were rather overweight.

I wandered into the kitchen; someone had carried in apackage of sweet rolls in an aluminum foil tray wrapped

in plastic. It seemed there was little to eat in thehouse and it appeared that in general these peoplewere parasites dissipating Clarence's wealth. Theirbehavior bothered me and I wondered if Clarence

would force the people leave if he returned home. As Ilooked around the kitchen, I wondered if any roacheswere in the house. If roaches were there, I doubtedany of these people would even bother to have them

killed.I walked back into the living room; the people had left.

In their place I found Jon (my friend from law school)standing shirtless in the middle of the room. Jon and Italked and the conversation turned toward law. He toldme that he had been learning to do title searches and

that he was planning to do title searches when hebecame a lawyer. I personally had no desire to do that

kind of work (which seemed rather mundane to me), butI thought title work was at least a skill which he could

learn and at which he could become proficient.When Jon became rather nasty, I felt increasingly as
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if I wanted to get away and I had the distinctimpression he was going to do something to hurt me.

When he left the room to go outside, I was sure he wasgoing to fetch something with which to injure me.

Thinking now was a good opportunity to flee, I steppedout the back door.

I now realized that I was barefoot and that I wouldhave difficulty leaving without shoes. I looked around;

lying nearby was a pair of blue shoes which looked as ifthey might fit. They were plastic slip-ons and thematerial reminded me of a pair of my girlfriend

Louise's shoes. I slipped them on and they fit. Fromoutside, through the back window, I could see Jon hadreentered the living room. Even though I thought he

might be able to see me, I began running away.The house was in the country and was surrounded by aforest. The land had been cleared in the direction in

which I ran; to my left were piled some trees andbrush which had been cut down. A rather high steep

bank was on the other side of the piles of brush.Wanting to reach a road beyond those piles, I kept

running along the clearing looking for a chance to crossover to the road. Finally I found such a spot, crossed

over to the road and ran along it.
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I had only traveled a short distance when two girlsrode up on a vehicle which resembled a motorcycle.

After they stopped, I climbed onto a small seat on theside of the motorcycle and we rode off. When one of

the girls commented about my shoes, I told them I hadstolen them. Seeing that they were alarmed, I

explained the circumstances of my escaping from Jon.I told them that Jon had stolen some things from me

and that I was just getting back what belonged to me.They finally let me off and I boarded a bus whichcontinued down the road. It looked like a school-businside; about a half dozen young girls (about 15 years

old) were in it.As we rode along, I looked out in front of the bus and

was surprised to see that a large deep trench had beencut into the road. The trench wasn't across the road,but rather ran right down the middle. The trench wassmall at first; the bus driver drove over it with theleft tires on the left side and the right tires on theright side. No problem; but the trench kept widening

and widening. Unable to see the bottom, I was afraid itwas quite deep. We continued racing along astraddle

the trench; but it was becoming clear that the trenchwas becoming so wide that the tires soon wouldn't


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reach both sides.The driver suddenly turned his wheels sharply to the

left, obviously trying to make the right tires jump overto the left side of the trench. The bus veered to theleft and the tires came off the right side. At first Ithought the tires were going to make it across the

trench, but then I heard the bottom of the bus hit theedge of the trench on the left side and the bus ground

to a stop, hanging precariously over the trench. Theright side was over the abyss and the left tires werestill on the road on the left. We seemed to be

tottering. Thinking we were about to fall into thechasm, I quickly told all the girls to move to the leftside of the bus to balance the bus and keep it from

falling.They moved to the left, but to no avail. The bustumbled into the trench. I wasn't really that

frightened; I told the girls to be calm. The busimmediately fell on its side on the bottom of the

trench, which was only about three meters deep. Noone was injured. The bus lay on its side and we quickly

climbed out the upper windows.Once I was back on the road, I noticed another buswith mostly old people on it had pulled up. I thought


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maybe we could board it, but then I noticed the girlsgetting into a car which had pulled up. When the girls

asked me if I wanted to go with them, I decidedaccompanying them might be best, and I climbed into

the back seat.Three or four of us were in the back seat and at leastfour in the front seat. The car was being driven by a

young fellow. I put my arm around a black-haired girl

sitting close to me. The black-haired girl changedplaces with one of the girls in the front seat and adifferent girl sat beside me, but she didn't seem quite

as friendly.The girls talked about what they had been doing that

day and the girl beside me said she had smoked

marijuana for eight hours. Her remark netted myattention. Wondering if they might have somemarijuana with them, I asked if they had any. Whenthey all said they didn't, I was a little disappointed.

But then the girl sitting on the right side of the frontseat pulled out a little crushed-up cigarette packageand passed it back to the girl sitting next to me. Shepulled a joint out of the package. I told them I hadn't

smoked any marijuana in six or seven months.The girl to my right put the joint in her mouth and
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turned to the girl next to her. That girl stucksomething in her mouth and moved her teeth together,

causing a flame to shoot out from between them. Thegirl with the joint in her mouth put the joint to the

flame between the other girl's teeth and lit up.It suddenly struck me that all the girls were under 17

years old and that smoking marijuana with them mightbe a serious violation of the law. I couldn't remember

the law exactly, but I thought smoking with a minorwas probably a felony. I leaned over the front seat andasked the driver, a rather scruffy-looking fellow, how

old he was. I asked, "You are at least seventeen, aren'tyou?"

He said he didn't know. I thought that was strange,

but I concluded that he must be an orphan who hadnever been told when he had been born. The closer Ilooked at him, the surer I was that he was probably

only about sixteen.I then said, "Well, there's something I never

mentioned to you all before. I'm a law student."My statement seemed to startle everyone. They

seemed to immediately become apprehensive that Imight try to have them arrested; but I continuedtalking and expressed my fear of being arrested


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myself for smoking with minors. My explanationassuaged their fears.

When the joint came to, I took a hit. A large piece ofmarijuana fell out the end of the joint and into my

hand. I thought I would just put the piece of marijuanain my left shirt pocket and keep it for later. I thoughtI already had a little bit of hash or something in that

pocket with which I could mix it.

After I stuck the marijuana in my shirt pocket, the girlnext to me patted my shirt pocket. Something roundwas inside the pocket; she thought the object was asmall container for drugs. I told her the object was

only a little flat can (about the size of a half dollar) ofcold cream. It resembled a can which I had seen my

girlfriend Louise have.Suddenly the driver said that a police car was behindus. I thought the police would surely catch me and mylaw career would be finished. We were close to the

banks of the Ohio River somewhere near Portsmouth, aplace where I hadn't wanted to go. We turned behind

an old abandoned building and as soon as we were out ofsight of the police car, I jumped from the car and rantoward the river, where brush and trees abounded. I

hid and watched what happened.
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Ultimately, in 1993, Ivan inherited the 200 acre Pike

County Farm and my father inherited the 388 acre

Gallia County Farm. I was definitely attached to theGallia County Farm.

Dream of: 17 June 1989 "Plowing The Fields"

Early in the morning, someone had just awakened me.When I got up, I discovered that I was in the GalliaCounty Farmhouse, and that several of my relatives

were still asleep in the next room, but outside, mystep-uncle Ivan and his sons were already plowing thefields.

***I was in the back seat of a large blue car which

contained several of my relatives. A girl who seemed

like my wife Carolina was in the front seat. We wereriding through Gallia County and I explained to the girl(who had never been in Gallia County before) where we

were and what we were passing.My sister was also in the car; when we passed a smallwhite cottage, she said that she had been thinking

about buying it, but that she now saw it was too small.Indeed, from the front, the cottage looked as if it only

had one room. However, as we passed, I saw thecottage was longer than I had thought. But my sister
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still seemed to think it was too small.As we rode along, I began singing about how I loved

Gallia County and how I would rather live there thananywhere in the world. Since I had been born in Gallia

County, I felt as if it should be my home.Finally, whoever was driving the car got out from

behind the steering wheel and put the car on automaticdriver. The car continued on over hills and curves

without anyone driving it. Some of the road was veryrough and almost impassable.Deciding it would be safer if I drove instead of the carremaining on automatic, I slipped over the seat into the

driver's seat and began steering. The car was a bitunwieldy and I had some problems with driving, but I

managed. At one point we came to a hill wherepractically no road remained. I needed some effort,but I made it up the hill.

At last we reached a village which reminded me ofPatriot (a small village in Gallia County). I had a very

difficult time stopping at a stop sign because thebrakes didn't seem to be working. It seemed to me as

if this car belonged to my father and he must havestrong feet to get these brakes to work. A couple carsalmost hit us as we passed through the intersection.
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There was a large school building in the village which Ipointed out to the girl and identified as Grant Junior

High School (where I attended junior high inPortsmouth, Ohio). I knew she had heard about the

school before, because I let her read my dreams, andthe school had appeared in many of my dreams. I wasglad she was finally able to see what the school looked

like.

I am attached to many things. Objects of myattachment, like flowers, bring me pleasure. Yet I

retain the abiding feeling the attachments are the

source of my pain. Ivan, the character in my dreams,

seems to be most understandable by viewing him

through the prism of the concept of "attachment". I

am attached to the concepts of family and land, yet Iwant to be free of all attachments.

Dream of: 25 February 1993 "Tom Flowers"

While I was sitting in a dining room at a table with myfather and my grandmother Mabel, my grandmotherbegan talking about a dream which she had had about

me. She said that in the dream I had gone to Kentuckyand had married one of my step-uncle Ivan's children, a

girl named Tom Flowers. Completely surprised, Ishouted out, "Tom Flowers?"
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I recalled that a short time before, my mother hadalso told me about a dream which shehad had. In my

mother's dream I had married my mother'sgranddaughter, a girl named "Tom Flowers". I was

astounded that my grandmother Mabel had dreamed Ihad married someone with the same name as the girl I

had married in my mother's dream: this must haveprofound implications. When I told my grandmother

that my mother had had the same kind of dream, mygrandmother said "myths" like that often come true.I jumped up, thinking I would look for my mother. Iwanted to verify she had had that dream. When I

asked someone where my mother was, I was told shewas in the next room. I wanted to talk with her and

ascertain that I was correct that she had had thesame dream as my grandmother. I was amazed that twopeople could have had the same dream about me.

I was also thinking if Tom Flowers was Ivan's child,then she would be my cousin. I couldn't marry my

cousin. But then I realized that Ivan and I weren'trelated by blood, and that I therefore might be able to

marry her.This character Ivan has something to tell me about my

attachments. I want to be free of my attachments, yet
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I still want to keep all the things to which I am

attached.

Dream of: 06 December 1994 "Rotten Branch"My grandmother Mabel (about 60 years old) and I werein the back yard of the Pike County Farmhouse. As we

talked, my step-uncle Ivan (about 40 years old) showedup. He was tall, lanky, and slim. I hadn't seen him inquite a while and we began having a friendly talk. He

lived about 60 kilometers away, and had driven up justto stay for a few minutes. I thought it a pity he wasgoing to be leaving so quickly. I thought he might want

to take a walk back through the hills.It had been springtime for a couple months, but thiswas the first day I had been able to get out into the

country. It was beautiful outside and I was enjoyingmyself.In the back yard was a rather large tree which

resembled a mesquite. I climbed up on one of thebranches, enjoying the feel of climbing a tree. Ivanclimbed up the tree and together we sat on a branchabout 12 centimeters in diameter. When the branch

began to bend from our weight, I jumped off and saidwe should be careful lest we break the branch. Ivan

said not to worry about it, that it wouldn't break. But
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no sooner had he spoken than the branch bent underhis weight and broke off.

I climbed back up the tree to look at where the branchhad broken. The tree was rotten in that area and largeblack ants were in the rotten area. Ivan stuck his handinto the rotten area, and pulled out some of the ants. I

thought they would bite him, but they didn't. Someother branches also looked as if they had rotten spots

on them. I told Ivan we should clean out the rottenspots. After Mabel picked up a small red spade andhanded it to me, I took the spade and began cleaningout the rotten spots. Someone had trimmed the tree

before, and some of the stumps on the upper brancheshad grown rotten. As I knocked the stumps off, I

encountered more large black ants. It looked as if thetree was infested with the ants. Nevertheless, Icontinued knocking off the rotten pieces and diggingout the ants, hoping we might still be able to save the

tree.What I want is control over my attachments instead of

my attachments having control over me. Sometimes I

seem to have control, sometimes I don't. I can't seem

to maintain a constant control.

Dream of: 30 July 1996 "Extravagant Spending"


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My wife Carolina had made a startling confession tome: within the last week she had gone on a binge and

had spent somewhere between $15,000 and $20,000,using credit cards to run up the bills. But what was

most incredible was what she had spent the money on:she had been paying for luxury hotels and meals for my

step-uncle Ivan and Ivan's sister, my step-aunt Lou.This seemed incredible to me. I wasn't close to either

Lou or Ivan, and I hardly ever saw them. I couldn'timagine why Carolina would be spending money on them.Carolina didn't look like herself. She was the same

height and size as normal, and she had the same blackhair, but her face and mannerisms were different

(something about her resembled the actress/comedian

Janine Garafalo.) After confessing her deed, Carolinasaid nothing more; she simply stood silent and listenedas I pummeled her with questions, trying to get to thebottom of this. It seemed to me as if she must be sick,and I even asked her if she thought she was sick. Shejust gave me a blank stare, but she still seemed to

understand what I was saying. However I didn't thinkshe was sick. I just didn't know what to think.

As I finally began to calm down, I began thinking thatsince Carolina had run up such debt on the credit cards,
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we would probably just max them out. I knew we hadstarted out with over a hundred thousand dollars worth

of credit on the cards, and I thought I obviouslywouldn't be doing anything wrong at this point if I

simply went ahead and used up what was left on thecards.

***I was in a car, headed to the hotels were Lou and Ivan

were staying, intending to stop them from running upany more bills. I was in the back seat on the right side,and Carolina was sitting right in front of me in the

front seat. Somebody else was driving the car, and afourth person was sitting on the left side of the back

seat.

As we rode along, we passed the Gay Street House (thehuge Victorian house in Portsmouth, Ohio where myfather had lived since 1964), and I noticed my 1968

Ford pickup was parked on the street beside theHouse. I was surprised to see my father busy doingsome kind of work on the truck. As we passed by, I

leaned over to my left so I would be down in the seatwhere my father would be unable to see me. I felt

guilty seeing him, a hard-working man, out there tryingto save me a few dollars by doing some work on my
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truck for me, while I was out running up big credit bills.As we passed, Carolina didn't duck down, but I doubted

my father would recognize her anyway.***

Lou and Ivan were staying at different hotels, and wefirst headed to the hotel where Lou was staying. Bythe time I arrived at Lou's hotel, I was extremely

angry with Lou and Ivan, thinking how they had been

taking advantage of Carolina and me by allowingCarolina to pay for their rooms. I knew they had hadthe most expensive rooms available, and apparentlythey had even obtained separate rooms for their

children, further running up the bills.When I reached Lou's room, I burst in without

knocking. Lou was sitting at a table, apparently about toeat something. She didn't seem surprised to see me,almost as if she had been expecting me, as if she knewthis couldn't go on forever. I immediately told her to

get up, that we had to leave. She didn't resist orcomplain. She picked up two large bunches of redgrapes lying next to her (grapes which seemed on

stems like red roses), and stood up from the table. Sheclearly knew she had been behaving badly by running up

the bills, and she didn't protest in any way.


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***I was riding along in a bus which had only a few people

in it. Lou and Ivan were sitting at the front of the bus,while Carolina and I were sitting at the back. I was still

enraged at Lou and Ivan, and I felt like venting myanger. I stood up and began screaming toward the

front of the bus. I pointed at the white jacket I waswearing, and I screamed that I had only paid $50 for

the jacket. I further shouted that I had never paidmore than $50 for any of my jackets. I was trying tocontrast my frugality with buying clothes against their

outrageous extravagance in spending thousands ofdollars for hotel rooms.

***

Carolina and I were in the kitchen of the House inPatriot (the home of my maternal grandparents when Iwas a child, in the small village of Patriot, in Gallia

County, Ohio). I was still questioning her about the billsshe had run up. I had realized she had only told meabout the charges because she knew I would soon

receive the monthly bills in the mail, and I would findout anyway. I had also realized that one day in the

previous week Carolina had taken a trip to Las Vegasand had spent the night there. I recalled that Carolina
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had been gone one night, but I had had no idea that shehad gone to Las Vegas. It was startling to think that

she could have just disappeared to Las Vegas withoutmy knowing. I now wanted to know more about what had

happened on the trip, and what kind of bills Carolinahad run up in Las Vegas, but Carolina still wasn't

talking. She just seemed perfectly calm, a bit like azombie in a trance. However, even though she didn't

respond, I thought she understood perfectly well whatshe had done.I told her that in my entire life I had never heard ofsomeone doing something like this. But then I addedthat actually I had seen something exactly like this

once in a movie in which the actress Melanie Griffith

had played. In exasperation, I finally even threatenedCarolina with divorce, but I knew that I loved her toomuch for that, and that I wouldn't actually divorce her.

In fact, through it all, I couldn't help but notice howpretty and sexy Carolina looked, and I had the constant

feeling that I just wanted to hold her in my arms.Realizing I wasn't getting anywhere, I decided to go

out into the back yard and shoot my gun. I had a nice-looking revolver, probably a .38 caliber, which I hardly

ever shot. I thought I didn't usually shoot the gun
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because bullets were expensive and I didn't want towaste money on them. But now, with all the money

which was being wasted, it didn't seem to matter. Ifwe were going to spend our money the way Carolina had

done, I might as well get a little fun by shooting mygun.

Once in the back yard, I looked around for somethingto shoot at. I knew I needed to be careful not to hit

the neighbor's house when I shot. Finally I saw a smalltree, and I decided to shoot at it. I held my left armhorizontally in front of me and holding the gun in my

right hand, I rested it on my left arm. I realized thatwasn't my normal way of holding a gun, but I thought Iwould try something new. I focused in on a knot on the

tree and fired. I then looked at the tree and saw thatit looked as if I had put a hole right in the middle ofthe knot.

Just then Carolina followed me out of the House, and Iproudly pointed out what I had done. I was glad she

had come out to join me, and already the episode withthe bills was beginning to seem like a distant memory.It was as if it just didn't really matter. The importantthing was that she was with me, and I liked being with

her.


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We walked over to the tree to examine what I haddone. I was surprised to see, however, not a knot on

the side of the tree, but a small wooden carving of aTrojan head, about 20 centimeters high, which had

been attached to the tree. I had shot a hole right intothe head. Both Carolina and I were perplexed as welooked at the carving, wondering where it had come

from and what it was doing there on the tree.

We didn't dally by the tree. Instead we walked to therear of the yard where I wanted to show hersomething which I had found earlier. When we reached

the place, I pointed out a pile of dirt and told her tolisten. We both then listened to what sounded like

growling and barking dogs. I told her it looked to me as

if some dogs had a den there under the ground. Thisalso seemed very strange to me, because I had neverheard of dogs having a den under the ground like that.Suddenly, not eight meters away from us, I saw a deer

standing at the side of yard. Carolina saw it too. Iquickly decided to shoot the deer. I aimed and fired.The gun went off, but the deer didn't fall. The deer

obviously hadn't been hit. Not seeing how I could havepossibly missed, I looked at the gun, moving the

chamber so I could see if it had bullets in it. Then I


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saw what the problem was: some of the chambers wereempty. I moved the chamber so it was now ready to

shoot two bullets in a row.Again I pointed at the deer, but now I began to havesecond thoughts. Did I really want to kill this deer? Ithen realized this deer had become tame from beingfed corn there in the back yard. It didn't seem right

for me to kill it. Carolina said to shoot it, but I

couldn't. Instead I just lay down on my back on theground, and watched as the deer walked over close tome. It looked as if I were even going to be able to pet

it.More specifically, Ivan represents my attachment to

family. Familial attachments have strongly chained my

mind all my life. Conceiving what life would be likewithout such attachments is difficult. I can't help but

wonder if I would be better off without them.

Ramey and Walls (two friends from my late teens) hadridden to Columbus with me in a truck which I had

driven. After renting a motel room, we all three wentto a stadium where some event was supposed to takeplace in an arena. As soon as we entered, however, we

became separated, and instead, I ran into someone elseI knew, one of my step-cousins, a son of my step-uncle
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Ivan.As my step-cousin and I began talking, I soon realized

he was rather religiously inclined. He was even carryinga small box which he opened to show me some religiousbooks inside. I noticed a small pocket-sized copy of theNew Testament, as well as a pocket-sized copy of theKoran. Although he had the Koranwith him, he didn'tseem to know much about it, and he asked me if theKoran

was a book in and of itself, or if it was a bookwhich was part of another larger book. I knew I wasfairly knowledgeable about the Koran, but I was unsure

of the answer to his question.Instead of answering his question, I asked him if he

were familiar with a king mentioned in the Koran, a king

by the name of "Orrin". He indicated that he had heardthe name, but that he was unsure of exactly who Orrinwas.

I asked him if he had heard the story of "the tunnel"and how Orrin had traveled through the tunnel. I theninquired of my cousin whether he knew the significanceof the tunnel. I myself recalled the story, how Orrinhad traveled through a dark tunnel, and had finallycome out to a resplendent light on the other side. Ithought the tunnel and the light had some kind of
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metaphorical significance, but I had never figured outexactly what they signified.

I also asked my cousin if he had ever read the Book ofMormon. I knew I had read most of the book, and had

found it, like the Koran, to be a complicated andintriguing work. I wondered if my cousin would be

impressed to know I was also knowledgeable about theBook of Mormon.

I returned to the story of Orrin, and mentioned thatwhile Orrin had been in the tunnel, he had also met adragon which he had been forced to fight and

overcome. Once again, I knew the dragon had some kindof metaphorical significance, but I didn't know what

the significance was.

A black-haired woman, probably 20-25 years old, wholooked somewhat Indian (from India) was standingnearby, listening to us. She was shorter than I by

about a head. Although she also was somehowapparently distantly related to me, she was obviouslyattracted to me. She seemed to be impressed by the

way I had been talking about the Koranand aboutOrrin. I was also attracted to her. She drew closer andcloser to me, until finally we had put our arms aroundeach other and began moving together as if we were


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dancing. I wondered what her name was. I had thevague notion that I had heard someone call her

"Wanda", but I was unsure of that. At one point sheasked me if I had ever put my hand on a man. Clearly

she wanted to know if I had any homosexual leanings. Ilaughed and replied, no, that I had never put my handon a man unless I was trying to choke him for somereason. She seemed satisfied with my answer, and I

could tell she was even more attracted to me.However, I suddenly had a problem I recalled that Iwas already married, and I had a wife somewhere. I

thought I should tell the woman I was married. Maybeshe would stay with me even if she knew. But I was

afraid she would back away, and I didn't want to lose

this glowing feeling which I was having with her. Soinstead of telling her about my wife, I simply pulled hercloser to me and said nothing.

As I held her in my arms, the word "lithe" kept goingthrough my mind. I reflected that I hardly ever usedthis word, and I wasn't even sure I knew how to use itcorrectly. Nevertheless, I finally told the woman thatshe was "so lithe". She seemed to like what I had said.

I thought I should tell her more about myself. Shewould probably be impressed to hear that I was an


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attorney, but I really didn't want to go into detailabout describing myself to her.

Suddenly, without warning, the event which had beentaking place in the arena came to an end, and in the

massive exodus of people from the stadium, the womanwas swept away from me. As I starred at the

dispersing crowd, I realized I didn't even know thename of this fantastic creature. As I was also pushed

by the throng out of the stadium, I feared I wouldnever see the woman again.Standing outside, I began to realize that it was cold

and wet, that I was tramping in slush, and that my feetwere soaked. As I sloshed along, I realized my truck

was parked on the other side of this massive stadium. I

also realized I didn't even have the key to the truck. Ithen remembered Walls and Ramey, wondered what hadhappened to them, and hollered for Ramey.

When no one answered, I forged on, headed toward theother side of the stadium. But what would I do when Ireached the truck, if I had no key? I was miles fromthe motel. Depressing. An ugly situation, and I didn't

know how I was going to get out of it.What about my attachment to all mankind? Do I really

care about anybody? Honestly, I do. I am attached to


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the world of people around me. But just like my

attachment to Ivan, that attachment is tenuous.

Dream of: 03 November 1999 "Telling A Joke"My father and I were in the living room of the GalliaCounty Farmhouse, watching a small blond-haired boy

(about 3 years old). My father frequently baby-sat forthe boy, who was somehow related to me. I liked the

little fellow and had always remarked how well-behaved

he was when he was around me, even though I knew hewasn't always so well-behaved around my father. Iwasn't bothered when my father stepped out onto the

back porch and left the boy with me.I was occupied with a tall floor lamp sitting in the

room. The lamp, which had a round bowl-like milk-glass

shade, had a problem with the socket where the lightbulb screwed in and I was trying to fix it. In theprocess, I held the lamp up over my head as I bent

over and examined the wiring. Suddenly, I feltsomething on my back, and with shock realized theglass shade had fallen off the lamp onto my back. I

gingerly grabbed the shade, safely pulled it from myback and set it down. I could hardly believe I had comeso close to breaking the shade. That would have been a

disaster; the lamp was such a fine old piece.
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While I had been working with the lamp, the boy hadbeen running around the room, and to my surprise, had

begun acting very obnoxiously, even mouthing off tome. I was disappointed to realize the boy must be

passing through an obstreperous phase. As I turned tohim to address his baleful attitude, I was still holding

the long stem of the lamp in my hand. Immediatelywhen the boy saw me turning toward him with the lamp,

he ran out of the room toward the back porch wheremy father was. I knew exactly what the boy was goingto say even before he said it, and I was unsurprised

when I heard him blurt out to my father, "Steve triedto hit me."

My first reaction was to go out to my father and

defend myself, to say that I hadn't tried to hit theboy, that I had simply had the lamp stem in my handand the boy had mistakenly thought I had intended tohit him with the lamp. But I refrained. I decided my

father would surely not think I had intended to hit theboy. If my father had any questions, I would simply tell

him what had happened when he came back into thehouse.

Instead of my father and the boy, two men walked intothe house from the back porch. I recognized the men


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as carpenters who had been working on the Farmhouse.One man was about 40 years old, while the other was a

young fellow about 20. I couldn't be sure, but Ithought the younger fellow looked as if he might be

one of my step-uncle Ivan's sons.As the two men proceeded with their work, they werevery friendly. The younger fellow told me a joke which

I didn't understand, but at which I laughed anyway.

The older fellow then decided to try his hand at a joke,and he asked me if I knew what a "Russian Nigger" was.I liked a joke as well as anyone and I appreciated the

men trying to be so friendly, but I wasn't interested inhearing a racist joke. At that point, I only felt disgust

for the man.

After Ivan inherited the Pike County Farm and myfather inherited the Gallia County Farm in 1993, Ivan

basically disappeared from my life. The image of Ivan's

uncouth greed, however, still remained mirrored in my

own greed.

Dream of: 17 March 2002 "Remainder Interest"

I looked into a mirror and saw that, unawares, I hadbeen wearing some strange things on my face. Five or

six beads were attached to what appeared to be aleather string hanging down from my lower lip. Someone
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had stuck the string on my lip without my being awareof it. I was also wearing some little pins and things

hanging down over my eyes. Five or six little beadswere on different pins stuck on my face. I had been

with some people and I hadn't even been aware all thethings were on me.

As I started pulling the things off, I was surprised byhow much better I looked without them. I was about

20 years old and I had a thick head of good-lookingshort hair. I continued to look in the mirror and to beamazed at the difference after I had taken the things

off my face.After I had finished clearing my face, my mother and Iwent to the Pike County Farmhouse. I had learned that

my paternal grandmother Mabelandmy paternal step-grandfather, Clarencehad moved back to the PikeCounty Farm. When my mother and I pulled up in front

of the Farmhouse, an old red car (which still lookedgood) was sitting in front. We had to pass through the

front of the car in order to reach the Farmhouse.Clutter was everywhere. We went through one door of

the car and out the other, then walked into theFarmhouse.

Clarence and Mabel were in the Farmhouse. Glad to see
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since I knew Ivan and Molly had lived in the Pike CountyFarmhouse for a long time, but I didn't see them

anywhere; I was unsure what had happened to them.My mother and I finally decided to take Mabel

somewhere. I asked Clarence how far the Pike CountyFarm was from Portsmouth. When he said it was about40 miles, I realized the Pike County Farm was about

the same distance from Portsmouth as the Gallia

County Farm was from Portsmouth. I thought whenClarence had bought the Gallia County Farm and movedthere from the Pike County Farm, he had probably been

looking for someplace about the same distance toPortsmouth as the Pike County Farm because he liked

to travel that distance when he went to work in

Portsmouth.My mother, Mabel and I boarded the car which mymother was driving. Mabel and I sat side by side in theback seat and talked. Finally, however, I spread my legsapart and she sat between my legs with her back to me.

I put my arms around her and hugged her. I wassurprised that she had become so fat.

Mabel mentioned that a woman had been on the GalliaCounty Farm for two days, and that during those twoday, my father and my step-mother had had sex for a
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total of 130 times. Mabel asked me if my father wasusing any drugs, and I told her I didn't think so. I

didn't know of his taking any pills. I wasn't surprised,however, to hear that he had sex all the time.

As Mabel continued talking about why she had moved tothe Pike County Farm, she seemed to be reconsideringwhether she would bequeath the Gallia County Farm to

my father when she died. I told her I had recently

been thinking a lot about that subject, even though Ihadn't previously thought much about it. I told her theworst problem was my father's refusal to tell me whathe intended to do with the Gallia County Farm. Mabelhad always divulged her intentions, just as my motherhad always said what she intended to happen to her

estate. My father, however, wouldn't say. His reticencemade me suspect my father had decided to give thethe Gallia County Farm to someone else and not to me.Mabel realized if she left the Gallia County Farm to my

father, then my sister and I would receive nothingbecause my father would give everything to my step-

mother. Since my grandmother was closer than ever todeath, I thought about the subject more than ever.

Mabel said she knew it was on my mind. Finally Isuggested she change her will. I told her she should
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leave a life estate in the Gallia County Farm to myfather, with a remainder interest to my sister and me.

I tried to explain that my father would then have theuse of the Gallia County Farm all his life, but she wouldbe sure that my sister and I would finally receive the

Gallia County Farm.I knew persuading my grandmother to change her willwould be difficult, but she seemed amenable to the

idea.Just as Ivan had inherited the Pike County Farm fromhis father Clarence, I hoped I would one day inherit

the Gallia County Farm from my father. I feared,

however, that my desire would never be realized.

Dream of: 15 June 2002 "Leaning Tower"

My step-uncle Ivan and I had walked to the area wherethe old milk house used to stand at the bottom of thehill behind the Gallia County Farmhouse. About 20white roosters with red cockscombs were standing

together near the well-house. I was surprised to see somany roosters and no chickens.

Although the big loafing shed was between us and theFarmhouse, I was able to look over top the loafing shed

and see the Farmhouse on the hill. The Farmhousesported a new addition which looked like a square
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tower, three or four stories tall. The tower appearedto be leaning somewhat to one side in a way which

reminded me of the leaning tower of Pisa. I pointed outthe tower to Ivan and mentioned the leaning tower

of Pisa to him. We moved a little so the loafing shedwasn't between us and the Farmhouse. Now the tower

no longer appeared to be leaning. I thought perhaps theloafing shed was unlevel, causing the tower to look

crooked.I wondered if the tower would hold up against aheavy wind? Probably; it was attached to the

Farmhouse on the lower levels and constructed ofheavy lumber. It appeared quite sturdy.

A black wolf-like animal was sitting near me. When it

began to come right at me, I didn't know what itsintentions were, but I hoped it wasn't going to attackme. It seemed harmless at first, but as it drew closer,I realized its eyes had turned red. It became furiousand growled fiercely. As it approached, I noticed the

hair on its back standing up. The animal seemed to havetransformed into an evil creature, but still had theshape of a wolf. As it came closer, I could see every

evil scary thing about it. I became frightened. Then outof nowhere came a larger similar animal which seemed
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to be coming in my defense. The two animals beganfighting and tearing into each other. The animal which

seemed to be defending me was winning. It won thefight and looked at me with soft peaceful eyes. I

thanked him. He nodded and ran off into the woods.Ivan and his family had never been particularly

important in my life, and as the years passed they

became even less so.

Dream of: 09 December 2003 "Forgotten Names"I walked through the front door of my father'sGayStreet House in Portsmouth, then ascended the front

stairs to the front upstairs bedroom. Although Iwanted to lie down and rest, I first walked into the

upstairs living room to see if my father was there. He

wasn't in the living room. Since the two large Frenchdoors to the middle bedroom were closed, I pulled openthe doors and looked into the bedroom. The figures oftwo people under a white sheet were discernable on abed in the room. Certain my father and a girlfriend

were in the bed, I turned and headed back to the frontbedroom.

I had just lain down on the couch when two little boyswalked into the room. Perturbed, I stood and walkedout into the hall where I discovered some more boys.
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Apparently they were simply walking in off the street.I thought they might know my father, but I was

uncertain. I simply wanted them to leave and I made mydesires known to them. Two of the boys were biggerthan the others (they might have been 14-15 years

old). They took offense to my demanding theirdeparture and wanted to fight. Although I certainly

didn't want to fight with them, I thought I could

probably handle myself if I had to they were muchshorter than I.We worked our way back into the middle living room. Iintended to point out the boys to my father and seek

his advice on the matter. Before I could find myfather, however, the boys departed and several new

boys showed up. The new boys looked as if they were16-17 years old. I didn't recognize them at first, butfinally realized that two of them were my step-cousins,sons of my step-uncle Ivan. I was embarrassed because

I couldn't remember their names. I asked one if hewere Ernie, but then I remembered Ernie had been

Ivan's son who had drowned years ago. They were veryfriendly and they asked me if I wanted to go for a ride

with them. After I decided I would, we all walkedoutside and boarded a big bus which one of the boys
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began driving.As we headed north out of Portsmouth, I was enjoying

myself, except for being a bit worried that we weretraveling too fast, especially when we turned onto a

small gravel road. I became frightened when we headeddown a tiny narrow road on the edge of a cliff on ourright. I could see a lake down below. The driver washaving difficulty and I was afraid we were going to

crash off the edge. If we landed in the lake, I thoughtI would probably drown.Suddenly, however, the bus reached the bottom of theroad. Unfortunately we had arrived at a dead end and

didn't have room to turn the bus around. I could see noway we could back up the hill. After the bus stopped, I

got out. In front of us was yet another hill with a dirtpath which I examined to see if we might be able todrive the bus up it. The path was clearly impassible.

Off to the right was the lake. I could see severalpeople not far from me on the shore of the lake. Wewere in such a secluded place, I thought the peoplemust have hiked there. When I heard people talkingnearby, I hid behind some bushes to watch. I stayedhidden as four women riding horses rode past me and

continued up the road.
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we needed to pull the bus back up the hill.As Ramey headed toward Portsmouth, a woman in the

car suddenly handed me her cell phone and told me Ihad a call. I took the phone and listened as a woman'svoice came on. I immediately recognized the woman asMireya (an Hispanic friend from Dallas); I was happy to

hear her voice. I began talking to her in Spanish andtelling her where I had been. I described the lake and

told her that caves had been along the edge of thelake. I told her the place was "maravilloso".She began telling me why she was calling. One time Ihad left some "buckskin" jackets with her and she

wanted to know if I still wanted them. Vaguelyremembering the jackets, I told her yes, I would like

to have them.Even though I no longer had any contact with Ivan andhis family and even though the death of my step-

grandfather Clarence had essentially broken the tie

between us, they still somehow remained related to me

in a familial way.

Dream of: 29 October 2006 "Dick Schleicher"

I was sitting in a classroom with 15-20 other people,while my father (50-55 years old) was seated at a desk

at the front of the class. We had assembled for the
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reading of the will of my step-grandfather Clarence.My father, who had already seen the will, pulled it out

and quickly informed everybody that nobody therewould receive anything, that my grandfather had left

his entire estate to one person, a man named "DickSchleicher".

I was stunned. Who was Dick Schleicher? And whatwas my father thinking? I looked at him and

incredulously asked if my grandfather had leftanything to him. He repeated what he had already said-- everything went to Dick Schleicher.

People began getting up and leaving. I stood up andwalked over to my father. I wanted to see the will formyself. He handed it to me -- it was several pages. I

quickly noticed two things: the will had been written in1978 and it had been prepared by Smith (an attorneyfrom Portsmouth). I blurted out that Smith had knownall these years about my grandfather's intention buthad never said anything. Of course, I reflected thatSmith, being an attorney, had a duty to keep silent.

Nevertheless, it seemed odd that Smith had writtenmy grandfather's will.

More puzzling, however, was the identity of DickSchleicher. My father had no idea who Dick Schleicher
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was. My mind began racing. Perhaps Dick Schleicherwas dead. Perhaps he couldn't be found. In that case,

the estate would be divided according to intestatedistribution. Such a distribution wouldn't help me,

however. My grandmother Mabel was still alive and shewould inherit almost everything. I would still get

nothing.Still, everything going to an unknown man seemed

unfair. Nothing had been left to my grandmother nor tomy step-uncle Ivan nor to the children of my step-auntLou. Everything had gone to an unknown Dick

Schleicher in a will made almost 30 years ago -- it justdidn't seem right.

Ivan was the kind of man I never wanted to be. Yet

even he had redeeming qualities which I learned betterto appreciate over time.

Dream of: 30 October 2010 "Close To The Edge"

I was driving toward Portsmouth from the direction ofCincinnati. The black and white car which I was drivingwasn't performing well, so I was a bit worried. The carwas the only one I had and I was running out of money,so I didn't know what I would do if the car broke down.

I thought of my step-uncle Ivan and recalled how heused to drive old junkers and how they would break
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down on him. Finally, however, he had managed to drivea decent car. I realized I needed to pay more attention

to my car and take care of it.I pulled into a store along the side of the road. When Istepped out of the car, my nephew David (my sister'sson) was standing there. When I spoke with him, he

expressed concern about my car. As I listened to him,I looked around and realized if I hadn't pulled into the

store, I would have passed over a high bridge with adeep valley far below. I had pulled my car right up tothe edge of a cliff which fell down into the valley. I

walked over to the side of the cliff and looked down. Iwas amazed how far down the valley was. It frightenedme that I was standing so close to the edge. I stepped

back and grabbed the open car door. I told David whatI had seen when I had looked down and he walked overto the edge (he now only looked about 10 years old). Itold him to be careful. If he fell off the edge, thatwould be the end of him. He looked over the edge.

I realized I had parked my care precariously close tothe edge. Pulling out of there would be difficult. Ithought I needed to pull out before I continued my

conversation with David.I succeeded in not being like Ivan. I succeeded in
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lessening my attachment to family, and ultimately I

may succeed in not being attached to the land.

Dream of: 08 November 2010 "Childless"I was in the Gallia County Farmhouse with my father,my mother, my sister, and my paternal grandmother

Mabel. We were all sitting at a table in the kitchen andtalking among ourselves. My father (only about 50

years old, still with black hair) seemed very sad. He

was sitting straight across from me. When the subjectarose of what my father was going to do with hisproperty when he died, he looked at me and said he

wasn't going to give me anything. I became angry and Iasked him to whom he planned to give his property.

When he said he was going to give it to "the baptists",

I could hardly believe he intended to give his propertyto some kind of baptist group.We all stood up and walked around. I started talking to

my sister about what my father had said, but Ireferred to the baptists as "the catholics". When Iasked my sister if she knew my father was going togive all his money to the catholics, she said she did.

She was also very upset about it.I thought half of my father's property actually

belonged to my mother. I thought perhaps she could
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step in and at least give her half to my sister and me.My mother, however, seemed distracted, as if she

didn't know anything about it.I was thinking that my grandmother still owned the theGallia County Farm and that she didn't have to give the

Farm to my father. Finally, my grandmother said shehad lost faith in me. I didn't know what she was talking

about, but I thought she might be referring to my

never having had children. I asked her if she still hadfaith in my step-uncle Ivan. I knew she and my step-grandfather Clarence intended to give something toIvan. She looked extremely angry and I realized I

wasn't going to be able to count on her for anything.I thought I was simply going to leave. Remembering

that I had brought some comic books with me, Ithought I would leave the comic books and return forthem later. I thought I would simply hitchhike back toPortsmouth. I didn't want to have anything to do withanybody, although I realized that at least my sister

felt the same way I did. After I asked my sister whatshe knew about everything, she and I walked out onto

the front porch, which was high up in the air so I couldlook far down over the side. I looked down towardSymmes Creek, saw men working down there, and
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realized they had torn down the bridge in front of theFarmhouse. Apparently the men were replacing the old

bridge with a new one.My sister pulled out a newspaper and began trying toexplain where my father's money was going to go. She

said it was going to the U.S. Treasury. I was veryupset. I said that the Treasury was the same place

where all the taxes went and that the money was used

for all kinds of things, such as wars. I pointed to theworkers on the bridge and said they would probably getsome of the money. She then pointed out a picture inthe newspaper of statue for the Treasury. She wrotesome figures on the picture which indicated how muchmy father had already given to the Treasury. It looked

as if he had already given $61,000. I thought to myselfthat he had already handed over tens of thousands ofdollars to the Treasury.

Then my sister simply threw the newspaper off theporch and it landed on the ground far below. I knew shehad been doing my father's accounting work for years,so she knew a lot about what was going on. When she

started to throw some unused postage stamps off theporch, I stopped her. I picked up the stamps and put

them in a bag which was full of all kinds of unused
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stamps which I thought belonged to my father. Ithought the stamps should be saved, even though I was

unsure I would ever receive any of them.As my sister and I continued talking, I realized we

were on the same side. I knew my father had previouslytold her what he intended to do with everything, but I

had only found out just now.I didn't see much more I could do. I figured I would

simply take off walking and hitchhike back toPortsmouth. I was unsure, however, how I was going tobe able to cross the bridge. It looked as if there mightbe enough left of the bridge for me to cross, but I was

uncertain.Somehow I ended up with a peaceful feeling about

Ivan.Dream of: 29 November 2010 "Fixing The Roof"

I was in the Gallia County Farmhouse where mygrandmother Mabel was living. My step-uncle Ivan wasalso there, as well as a man (probably in his late 60s,

who reminded me of the pastor of the church inPortsmouth) who apparently was living with my

grandmother. When the man told Ivan he would givehim $2,000 to repair the roof on the Farmhouse, Ivan

immediately went outside and began working on the
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roof. Several other men were helping him. When Ifinally walked outside, they were all getting ready to

leave for the day. Even though it was only about 2:30p.m., they were packing their tools into a truck.

I walked down toward the bottom of the hill to wherethe old chicken house used to be. Some old dilapidated

buildings in the area looked as if they needed to betorn down. One was a log building. I wondered if the

logs could possibly be salvaged, but I didn't thinksaving them would be worth the effort.When I walked back up to the Farmhouse, I noticed apiece of heavy machinery sitting in the side yard. Itwas a yellow hydraulic shovel, with a cab where the

operator sat and a boom extending out in front with a

big bucket on the end. Although the cab was empty, thefour wheels suddenly moved and the machine beganrolling. The machine rolled around in front of the house

right in front of the front porch. The bucket camedown on the ground right at the top of the retaining

wall in the front yard and the cab lifted up into the air.Then I noticed my grandmother and another older

woman had walked out into the front yard. The cab ofthe machine was up in the air and swung around and hitmy grandmother, knocking her down the steps which


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led from the front yard to the bottom of the hill. Theother woman just stood there as I ran over to the top

of the stairs. The woman wasn't trying to help.Apparently she was working as a nurse for my

grandmother, and she said that helping mygrandmother wasn't part of her job.

I started running down the stairs, but before I couldreach my grandmother, she fell down more stairs all

the way to the bottom. When I reached her I thoughtshe was dead, but then I realized she was still barelyalive. Her neck was twisted and appeared to be broken.She looked horrible. She didn't look like herself. As I

knelt down beside her, I noticed a little blackelectronic device by her side. I heard a voice on the

machine talking about "spirits going up". The voice wasrather eerie. It wasn't my grandmother's voice, but itseemed to have something to do with her.

I thought she was going to die. I thought my fatherwas in the Farmhouse. I hollered up for someone to call

an ambulance, but I knew my grandmother would bedead before an ambulance could arrive.

I just want to die peacefully. Whether I have land or

family is unimportant to me I just want to be at peace
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dragon in the tunnel

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