Why do conflicts break out?
• We measure ourselves against others• We think in terms of stereotypes and
given roles that are hard to break out of• We have differing expectations and
perceptions that are not made explicit• We personify problems• We want to be proved right
Donald Brown's human universalsBeing able to act within the rules of society (1)Comparing ourselves to others (5) Self-control (15)Sex (22)Personal hygiene (48)
What does a user say after an online conflict process?
“I felt I was being dragged through the mud. It wasn’t said in a straightforward manner, but in that malicious, ironic, sarcastic fashion.”
“They have obviously already made up their mind that I disagree with them, or that I haven’t understood the issues involved.”
We notice different things –and hence have different expectations
Details or large figures, foreground or background, noticing or not noticing whether people wear hats, whether they have children or not... Or perhaps whether something is left out!
Women
Man
Umbrella
Tree
Sailboat
Dog
Symbol researchThe circle: is preferred by people who are considerate and fraternal yet unoriginal yes-men. They are kind, but not very creative. They tend to do factory or other routine work, and they love to relax for hours watching TV.
The triangle: is chosen by people attracted to power, such as the natural leader who cannot keep quiet in major gatherings, insisting on heading and coordinating everything. Sadly, this is also the group where most psychopaths come from.
The square: tends to be preferred by creative types, including many artists. We love their art and their peculiar world view, but hate to live together with them. This is also why many singles come from this group.
The cross: is chosen by typical intellectuals, who want to find the profound truth in everything, ideally in the most cumbersome and philosophical manner. They never believe in quick fixes, and they are fond of complex sentences. This is the group which nearly all computer nerds belong to.
Fixed roles and positions
• As human beings, we tend to think in terms of highly regular structures
• We are fond of categorising objects and persons• It is very hard to break out of one’s given
role/position
Positioned
The moderator role is fixedPosition: cross, happy, agitated, grumpy, charming, young, etc.
Children and young users can also get into a position that is hard to shake off.Pretty boys … They were asking for it!
Pathos versus Ethos and LogosAll good communication has three elementsA person under pressure puts across PathosThe rest of us answer with Ethos and Logos
CONFLICT
Tools
• Communication and information. Talk about the conflict and it will change!
• Visualisation – show what you do – document it. Perhaps use the conflict escalator.
• Mentor schemes, etc.
The 360 degree perspective
1. Your own perspective2. The other’s perspective3. The 360 degree helicopter perspective