Download - Vol. 10, Issue 4
Vol. 10, Issue 4 April 15, 2011 (Happy Tax Day!)
Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.com
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Quote of the Week
Life’s lessons learnt from a really scary dude By Lassie Molasses
Everyone does bad
things as a kid—you don’t
clean your room or what-
ever your transgression
is—but for one darling
little second grader the
crime of taking something
out of her mommy's purse
without asking first met
her with the dumbest if
not scariest punishment
she's ever had.
Imagine: there she is,
sitting in the living room
reading (because she’d
been terminally grounded
from TV for kicking a vac-
uum and then turning the
TV on—but I digress; that
is a story for another time)
when in comes her mom.
Little girl is told to get in
the car.
Blindly like a lemming,
she follows and does what
she is told, and proceeds
to plant butt to seat and
buckle up. Next thing
she knows, she is enter-
ing a halfway house
where her mother
has a
c o n -
vict yell
at her for
stealing.
This guy was
huge!!! Covered in
tats and all around
about the equivalent of
the boogie man to her.
This yelling at lasts
for hours she sits there
thinking, OMG, will this ever end?
He tells her the hor-
rors of prison, and how
if she didn’t stop taking
things without asking
she’d end up there and
then get constantly
beat up by some hulk-
ing brute named Betty
Joe or something like
that.
Finally he finishes,
she's in tears and truly
flipped out for taking her
mommy's hair brush
when all of a sudden
said scary guy smiles and
buys her a pack of Juicy
Fruit from the vending
machine—it was
the most random
way to end a
punishment she
had ever had.
And to this day she
cannot eat Juicy Fruit out
of the fear that some big
scary convict will come
out and say, “If you ever
take anything without
asking again, then I’LL
FIND YOU... YAR!”
Lassie Molasses is the Ramdiculous Page’s Crime and Punishment editor. She also has a thing for orange juice, blah blah, yakkety smakkety.
Vol. 10, Issue 4 Something to read in class today
R A M D I C U L O U S P A G E P O L I C Y Published every other Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper. We welcome all letters, tweets, and other such nonsense. Please include your name, position, and an email address. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned, EVER. Submit your letters, articles, and/or secret crush via our email, [email protected], or our website, www.ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be con-strued as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or MySpace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. Also—Batman vs. Deadpool: who would win?
Top Editor Bryce J. Parsons
Artists and Writers The Usual Ramdiculists & Goons
Jenny don’t change your number Eight six seven five three oh nieeeiiine
“Sudoku just makes me want to shoot my-self in the face every time I see it.” -Christine Boswell (Disgruntled Ramdiculist who hates that we brought back the Sudoku. Oh well.)
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the incredible question
Ram of the Week: Jennifer Rystrom Meet Jennifer. She is über-smart. She is also über-accident-prone, just
like her compadre, former Ram of the Week Christine “Iron Maiden” Bos-well (see Quote of the Week).
And I thought Christine was klutzy. Jennifer hurt her foot playing soc-
cer while trying to kill the competition, dude! However, her killer in-stincts still make her able to hunt wild game in the forest at night with nothing but her bare hands and teeth. Yowza.
Also, she practices good oral hygiene. Her teeth, which we just men-
tioned in the paragraph above, are freakishly white. You will go blind if you look at her teeth when she smiles. It’s like the SUN, but less yellow.
What we’re saying is, her smile is like sunshine. Now isn’t that a nice
thing to say? Pictured: Hunting instincts
Word of the Day:
sesquipedalian (n.): 1.) A person who
uses long words. 2.) A long word.
(From Wiktionary)
DISC GOLF TOURNAMENT
April 30, 2011 @ 8:00 am In front of the University Center
1st Annual AAS Robert G. Carr, Sr. Fundraiser
For more info, contact Kirk Trevena at (325) 300-6942
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Ode to Student Life By Miss C. Boz
Oh, Student Life
You’re such a delight
I really REALLY hate staying up
Real late at night.
Writing my papers,
Studying for exams,
Freaking out ‘cuz our paper
Was under the fan.
As it twirled and twirled,
The blades coming closer
I feared for the life
Of our darling news-poser. (LOL)
I prayed that our overseers
Would grant a reprieve
That we’d be able
To pull an ace out our sleeve.
And win the game
To print again
So that we wouldn’t
Be faced with shame.
Yarr.
Poetry Time.
Write or draw for us! Contact us at:
[email protected] (P.S. For every article you write that gets published,
you get a $5 gift card. Who says no to money?)
Who’s This? Send us your
answer! Facebook.com/
ramdiculous Last answer: Roscoe the Ram
(If you didn’t get it right, you suck.)
Picture of the Week: Showing support
I’ll always be there for you. Even in the loo.
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We are your voice, the voice of the Students of Angelo State. Be heard, we would like to know what you love about ASU, what you hate about ASU and what you think needs to be changed around here. We are here for
YOU!
If you have a comment, complaint, concern, or question, don’t hesitate to contact us. Via email [email protected], via phone
(325) 942‐2063, via our suggestion box in the UC, in our office UC 133 or even come attend our meetings at 6 PM on Monday nights.
ADVERTISE WITH US. If you would like your ad to appear in the
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Advertising Guidelines 1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 1:00pm the Tuesday be-
fore publication. 2. Ads will be received only if they are complete. The Ramdicu-
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organization/event will be allowed more than one-quarter of a page in ad space.
The Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any off-campus event except in certain circumstances,* or anything of questionable nature. This includes but is not limited to: Alcohol drugs tobacco illegal activities *Exceptions to this rule will be determined by the staff of the Ramdiculous Page
Top Ten Idiots who need prison time
10.) THE HOFF
9.) Pepsi execs for not bringing
back Crystal Pepsi
8.) Kanye West, for EVERY-
THING HE DOES, EVER
7.) Danny Bonaduce
6.) Miley Cyrus, for being mean
to her dad. Shame on her.
5.) Mel Gibson
4.) The Joker
3.) What’s-his-name Sheen?
2.) Keith Greer-May, for...well,
hell, we couldn’t think of
anyone else.
1.) Justin Bieber
Bobronomicon (Ladies please) By Robert Thompson
At least once every two
weeks for as long as I can re-
member a female has annoyed
me in more or less the same
way. “You don’t know the
pressures society puts on
women to be thin.” The word-
ing changes but that’s the sen-
timent.
Gentlemen, you can stop
reading here and hand your
copy to the nearest female.
Done? Alright.
Ladies, the notion that all
men are looking for skinny
women just isn’t true. There
are nicer ways to say it but
most of us just don’t care.
Only a minority of men prefer
skinny women. If you want
proof, ask us and we will tell
you to your face that being too
thin is at least as much of a
Laconic Trope of the Day
Nothing Can Save Us Now
TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.
“A Stock Phrase someone says
in the face of failure right be-
fore the arrival of a Deus Ex
Machina.”
By Thomas Nast MANKATO, MN—An alien
spacecraft landed in an ancient
field populated by ancient Viking
ghosts, according to locals.
However, the landing was in-
terrupted when the Loch Ness
Monster and Bigfoot had an all-
out brawl for no apparent reason.
“I nearly spontaneously com-
busted, it was SO awesome,” said
Martin Whiffleball, a local who
apparently believes that awe-
someness is volatile.
Meanwhile, Chuck Norris
showed up to kick someone, but
everyone reminded him that this
isn’t 2007 anymore and those
jokes are old.
WEIRD THINGS HAPPENED! turn off as being too fat. Better
still consult one of the numer-
ous online polls or television
programs that deal with this
sort of thing. Christina
Hendricks, Kim Kardashian,
Vida Guerra, and Salma Hayek
are all sex symbols and none
of them is rail thin. Assertions
about societal pressure on
women’s weight also suggest
that this is a uniquely female
issue, and it is not. Men are
also held up to physical scru-
tiny, I should know, I’m a fat
guy.
The truth is that for every
Jessica Alba you see there is a
Daniel Craig that we see, and
man or woman I doubt there
are many of us who are happy
with how we look. Maybe we
complain less, or maybe you
have better publicists, but we
all have an image of perfection
to strive for and I’m not so
convinced that’s a bad thing.
So please, before you agree
with a woman who says this,
or worse still say it yourself,
ask two simple questions:
Who exactly is putting this
pressure on you? And are you
the only one feeling the crush?