The Gift of Understanding: ‘Grandma’s Song’

How could I forget your Granddad Billy we

were married 33 year….

Sometimes in life the best gifts areunexpected and come as a surprise. Suchis the context of one such ‘gift ofunderstanding’ that I received.

Earlier this year, I organized a week-end in London for my partner and I,including tickets to a West End show.We are both Elton John fans and so wewere looking forward to seeing themusical Billy Elliott – the stage adapta-tion of the film by the same name, butwith the musical score produced by SirElton John1. Billy Elliott tells the storyof a mining community in turmoil at thetime of the coal-miners’ strike in Britain(1984–1985). The miners’ strike was themost significant industrial action in thehistory of British industrial relations.The strike ended with the defeat of thetrade union by the then Conservativegovernment, which then proceeded toconsolidate its free market strategy. Italso marked a defining period in theerosion of trade union power andexposed deep divisions in British society.These divisions were felt most acutely inthe North of England and Wales, wheremany mining communities were des-troyed. Billy Elliott is set in one suchNorth of England community. It tellsthe story of one boy (Billy), who dis-covered dancing by accident and overtime was determined to become a pro-fessional dancer. His determination wasmet with family hostility, male egotisti-cal prejudice and conflict within hisfamily. Despite significant barriers, Billyrealised his dream and was acceptedinto the Royal Ballet.

However, it was ‘Billy’s Grandmother(Grandma)’, who provided the gift inthis musical experience. Billy’s mother

had died when he was a baby and thushe had a close relationship with hisgrandma. Like many older wise women,Billy’s grandma was the unofficial headof the household and it was she whomanipulated, co-ordinated and imposeda variety of significant decisions thatcontributed to the family’s survival dur-ing times of severe poverty. The gift thatI received was initiated by Billy askinghis Grandma if she remembered hisGranddad (Grandfather). The narrativethat resulted took me by surprise andbecame the highlight of the show forme.

‘Grandma’s song’ is a carefully con-structed narrative of her relationshipwith her husband. It tells of a loving,caring, abusive, hostile and challengingrelationship between Grandma and herhusband. Grandma is depicted as analcoholic, a fighter (physically and emo-tionally), a carer, a loving wife, awoman in denial and most of all a stoiccharacter with great wisdom. Lines suchas the following depicted the manyfacets of Grandma’s character:

I hated the sod for 33 year, we should never

have married of that I’m quite clear, he spent

the housekeeping money on whiskey and beer

and never lifted a finger…’’ ‘‘So I clobbered

the sod when he couldn’t resist…’’ ‘‘But we’d

go dancing and he’d hold me tight, he was

air, he was water, he was breath, he was life

and he would hold me then with all his might

and it was bliss for an hour or so… and in the

morning we were sober’’. ‘‘I suppose times

were hard, they were different then – women

were women and men they were men…’’…-when we’d go dancing… we were free for an

hour or three from the people we had to be….

Lines such as these flowed fromGrandma as she danced in her wornout clothes with Billy and I was mes-merized by the many facets of thenarrative, its depth of expression, itssocial construction and the multi-col-

oured person it revealed to the listener.It was an emotional experience at avariety of levels.

In previous research, I adaptedHope’s (1992) metaphor of the Russiandoll to illustrate the significance of‘authenticity’ to person-centred practicewith older people. On the outside, thereis the ‘obvious person’ and my overtbehaviours, actions and interactions.But, this outer self is in many ways asuperficial picture and it is often con-strained by hidden emotions and beliefsthat may not be overtly presented(McCormack, 2001). The Russian dollmetaphor focuses on the need to developengaged relationships with older peoplein order to know the ‘authentic self’ ofthe older person. I have argued thatnarrative is essential to person-centred-ness (McCormack, 2002) and I havespent many hours writing about andexplaining complicated concepts ofauthenticity. However, in this one five-minute song, Grandma brought theseconcepts to life in her narrative! Kenyonand Randall (2001) have argued thatnarrative is essential to ‘knowing-self’ inolder age and ‘Grandma’s song’ repre-sents what has been described as a‘meta-narrative’ (Ricoeur, 1977), i.e. asingle narrative that captures the essenceof many experiences over time andwhich is truly authentic.

Since experiencing Billy Elliott, I havemade use of Grandma’s Song whenexplaining and discussing the principlesof person-centredness with older people.I pose questions to the listener such as:• Who is the person represented in the

narrative?;• What personal experiences of similar

Grandma’s do we have and how didwe engage with them?;

• What assumptions about Grandmadid you form when listening to thenarrative and how did the narrativemake you feel?;

• What challenges would Grandmapose to working with her in a person-centred way?

1Billy Elliott, the musical, is showing at the

Victoria Palace Theatre’ London. The CD,

‘Billy Elliott – the musical and the original

cast recording’, is freely available through

record stores, etc.

190 � 2006 The Author. Journal compilation � 2006 Blackwell Publishing Ltd

The power of the arts to express theinexpressible is underestimated in healthcare (Coats, 2004) and we need toembrace it more often to explain com-plex concepts, processes and theories.Through narrative set within the contextof the arts, creativity and the humanitieswe can come to know another person,because in the words of Grandma:

If I’d only known then what I know now I’d

give them all the finger and gone dancin, spin

around and not give a shit… and I’d dance

alone and enjoy it and be me for an entire life

instead of someone’s wife….

Brendan McCormackDepartment of Nursing Research,University of Ulster and Director ofNursing Research and PracticeDevelopment, Royal Hospitals Trust,Belfast, UK

References

Coats E. (ed) (2004) Creative Arts and Hum-anities in Healthcare: Swallows to otherContinents. The Nuffield Trust, London.

Hope T. (1992) The hedgehog and the Rus-

sian doll. British Journal of PsychiatryReview of Books .

Kenyon G.M. & Randall W.L. (2001) Narra-

tive Gerontology: an overview. In NarrativeGerontology: Theory, Research and Prac-tice. (Kenyon G., Clark P. & deVries B. eds).

Springer Publishing Company, New York.

McCormack B. (2001) Negotiating Partner-ships with Older People – A Person-Centred Approach. Ashgate, Basingstoke.

McCormack G. (2002) The person of the

voice: narrative identities in informedconsent. Nursing Philosophy, 3, 114–119.

Ricoeur P. (1977) The model of the text. In

Understanding and Social Inquiry.(Dallmayr F. & McCarthy T. eds).

University of Notre Dame Press, Notre

Dame, Indiana.

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The Gift of Understanding: ‘Grandma’s Song’