8/2/2019 Slivka Bathroom Reader 4/8/2012

1/2

Volume21,Issue3 April8,2012

Agendaforthisweek:

Monday,April9th:5pm6pm:Runningclub

7pm8pm:Extraterrestriallife

(astrophysics)fireside

8pm9pm:RelayforLifeletterwriting

Tuesday,April10

th

:11am-1pm:P2PLunches7pm8:30pm:ASGCandidatefireside

7pm8pm:Co-recultimatefrisbee

Wednesday,April11th:9am11am:PresidentialPancakes

11am1pm:P2PLunches

6pm7pm:WhiteultimateFrisbee

7pm:ASGelectionscloseonline

7pm8pm:Philosophyfireside

Thursday,April12th:5pm6pm:Runningclub

7pm8pm:LisaDelTortodinner

8pm9pm:StockMarketChallenge

Saturday,April14th:10am12pm:RelayforLifecanning

4pm6pm:FirstspringquarterBBQ!

Sunday,April15th:10am12pm:RelayBrunch

1pm2pm:Whitesoftball

2pm3pm:Co-recsoftball

5pm6pm:Whitesoccer

8pm9pm:Co-recsoccer

8:30pm9pm:HouseMeeting

Dontsaybombsattheairport.Well,itdoesnthelpthatImbrown.~TanviSubramanian

The Bathroom Reader!

Helloeveryone!

IhopeeveryonehadagreatEaster,Passover,orjust

normalweekend!ThisweekisSUPERbusy,sopleasetakealook

atthecalendardirectlybelow!Lotsolotsostuffforallofusto

do!AlrightwellthatsallIreallyhavetosay.Soheresapicture!

P.S.61dayslefttillsummer.Countdownqueenindahizzouse.

(Anditsaysarsesoitmustbelegit)

TheBlindViceshavereturned!

Ihaveanaffinityforputtingthingsinmy

mouthwaitdontwritethatdown!

~Anonymous

Slivkan1:Ifonlyweknewsomeone

whoknewhadtotapakeg.

Slivkan2:Ido!!(astonishedpause)

Wait,noImeanIknowsomeone.Icant

doit.(laughter)

Thisweeksweatherinsoda/popbrands!Monday,April9: 60/34

(Cloudy)

Tuesday,April10: 47/34

(MostlySunny)

Wednesday,April11: 52/34

(PartlyCloudy)

Thursday,April12: 56/43

(PartlyCloudy)

Friday,April13(ooh,scary!): 54/48

(Showers)

Saturday,April14: 61/56

(Cloudy)

Sunday,April15: 68/52

(Showers)

8/2/2019 Slivka Bathroom Reader 4/8/2012

2/2

Volume21,Issue3 April8,2012SlivkanSpotlightfromguestwriter,KamilCwikla

ThereisnooneinSlivkathatismoremysteriousthanIkennaRichardCarrington.Mostpeopleonlyhear

storiesabouthisboominglaughinweehoursofthemorningandhisbrazen,pseudo-wittycomments.

I,Kamil,havebeengiventheopportunitytoliveinrelativeproximitytothismanamongstmen,andbefore

heleavesSlivka,allshouldknowofhisdeedsandeccentricities.Forheisthemostinterestingmaninthe

ResidentialCollegeSystem.No,thatsareallylamewaytoputit.Hesweird.

IRClikesJapaneseAnimeandoftenwatchesitwhilenudeinhisroom IRClistenstoK-pop IRChasapairoftightbaby-bluekhakilongpants IRChaswonthreeHalomatchesoutof1000playingwithme,notexaggerating IRChasanearringhole,butdoesntuseit IRCmoisturizeshislipsmultipletimesaday.Ladies? IRCturnstheshoweronwhenhetakesadump,thendoesntshowerrightafter IRChasaninfatuationwiththree-syllablewords IRChaswatchedanentireLetsPlayofNintendosDiddyKongRacingwhilenudeinhisroom IRCwearsreallyawfullymismatchedandnerdyclothing,refusestosayasked,andisobnoxiously

articulate.

IRCalsothinksheistoogoodtoswear.Funny,becausehecantsingalongwithsomeofhisfavoritevulgarsongs.

IRCsfullfirstnameisIkennachouku IRCdoesntlikebeingcalledRichard IRChateswhenpeoplechewwiththeirmouthsopen.IfyousitnearhiminSargent,doit.Or,yawn

withoutcoveringyourmouth,heequallyhatesthat.

IRCdoesnotlikebeingtouched.Placeakindhandonhisshoulderandknowthatinsideheisextremelyuncomfortable.

IRCrefusestolikeanypostonFacebook.WhenIpostsomethinghilariousonhiswall,hehastowalktomyroomandtellmethatitshilarious.

IRCdoesnotfriendpeopleonFacebookunlesshedeemsthemworthyofhisfriendship. IRCsroom(particularlylastyear)wasadark,damproomofdeathandblackmagic(nopun

intended).Jeromewasoneofthefewthatventuredinandcameoutalive,thoughifyoulookinto

hiseyes,heisscarred.

IRCthinksheisreallygoodatSuperSmashBrothers,butisreallyquitemediocre.TheonlygameIvewitnessedhimactuallywinconsistentlyinisgamesofMadden2012againstSathwik.Really,

Sathwik?

IRCletshissisterpickouthisclothesandglasses IRChastheloudestlaughever.IgetatextdailyfromMattie(fromanothersuite)askingwhatthe

hellheislaughingat(usuallysomethingreallystupid).Ivetestedthis,onecanhearhislaughfrom

justoutsidetherecloungeifoursuitedoorisopen.

IRCsleepsfromroughly6amtowheneverhewakesup,often7or8pm. IRChasavoicesodeepaftersleeping10+hours,itliterallyshakesmychestcavitywiththevibrations IRCcanteatlactose.

Allofthesefactsareabsolutelytrue,butwhyamIdoingthis?Someofthesethingsareratherembarrassing.

Well,Illtellyou.RichardoftentriestobepatronizingandmakesfunofmanyofthethingsIdo,ashedoes

withalotofpeople.IvetoldhimthatIwillthoroughlygethimbackoneday.Thankyouforreadingthis

article.*Pointsatforehead*YOULOSERICHARD.

~fromKamilCwikla