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By Shafaq Shafi
Nakorn Payap International SchoolChaingmai Thailand
Programming for Special NeedsUniversity of Winnipeg-Asia
Graduate Program
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“ I see, hear and believe what I want. We are a product of our education and how we have been raised”
Dr. Heinrich Hoffmann
“My cultural tale influences what I see, hear and believe.”
Cultural tales teach us to
focus on obedience
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Kindness
Understanding
Personality
Curiosity
Inspiration
Respect
Empathy
Cooperation
independence
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It is easy to include the smart, powerfuland beautiful; it is quite another thing toinclude those outside our circles
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Flight KidRegressive disengaged
cry
Connecting to the flight kid
•Tell them you care
•Ask, “how are you doing?”
•Think about connection after the fact, after lunchtime, school, recess
•Persistent-come back again and talk again
•Give a task-redirect
•Pre-teach- there are safe places you can go to.
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Fight KidUses Physical violence to express emotion.
Aggressive
Making Connections
•Say you have the right to show anger
•Acknowledge the anger
•Try to remove the audience
•Refrain from judging. Get rid of self talk.
•Do not talk about the solution right away.
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Fool kidpassive aggressive
ways/argue/confront/use sarcasm
Connections
• Honor his/her ability
• Acknowledge and move on. Don’t take the hook. “Never let
them see you sweat”
• Engage in the banter
• Hear them out
• Praise, add humor, show kindness, give away some
power
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There is more going on than that meets the eye
Empower the kid in the process
Become a spark in the child’s eye
Be genuine and true
Be kind and caring
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Set up a classroom where emotions are validated
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Deviance and Deficit Psychology
Deviant Delinquent DisobedienceDisordered Deranged
Dysfunctional
Disrespectful Demonic DisabledDisturbed
Defective Destructive DiseasedDepressed
Disruptive Deprived
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Strength based Psychology
Autonomy AchievementAltruism
Cooperation Self control Responsible
Respectful Resiliency Empathetic
Trust Friendships
Assertive problem solver Creative leader
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Emotional intelligence
knowing one’s emotions, self awareness, recognize a feeling as it happens
Being able to motivate one self
Being able to manage emotions
Being able to recognize emotions in others-empathy
Being able to create healthy relationships
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Difference in Psychological Worlds
Helping Humans Hurting Humans
Perceiving Diverse Multidimensional
ConcreteOne dimensional
Thinking Logical Cognitively based
Illogical OmnipotentIrrational traps
Feeling Accepts and applies controls
FloodedExplosive
Behaving Accepts Responsibility for behavior
Hides or hurlsResponsibility at others
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Stress in Children’s LivesUnderstand the feelings/reasons behind
inappropriate behavior
• Developmental
• Psychological
• Reality
• Physical
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Emotional Defenses• Denial-didn’t happen
• Regression-going back to asafer place
• Conversion-turn psychologicalstress into a physical stress
• Rationalization-talk yourselfout of it
• Displacement-displacing yourstress on others
• Projection-take your stress andproblems and give them tosomeone else
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All behavior comes out of feelings/thoughts
React rather than respond
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Conflict CyclePower Struggle or Emotional Reaction Cycle
A stressful situation
occurs
Creates feeling affected by the child’s sense of
self
Coping/negative behavior: lying, cheating, hitting, swearing, rationalizing
Creates stress in an
adult
Adults begin to mirror the child’s feelings: demanding, scolding, yelling, swearing
Creates additional stress for the child
Cycle begins again but increases in intensity
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Breaking the conflict cycle• Know that adults should take
responsibility to disengage• Be in touch with your own feelings• Understand how a child’s behavior
can be mirrored• Verbalize messages using “I”
instead of “You”• Understand the feelings / reasons
behind inappropriate behavior• Be aware of the emotional
defenses humans use• Know the child and know yourself• Don’t be afraid to ask for help• Feelings are OK when you have
them. Don’t be had by them
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Why Humans become Counter AggressiveCaught in the conflict cycle
40%
Violation of cherished hopes
and beliefs
25%
Being in a bad mood
10%
Exposing our finished business
10%
Not meeting professional expectations
5%
Feeling of helplessness
5%
Prejudging a troubled student
5%
Nick Long and Life Space Intervention
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Be in touch with your own feelings Emotional Intelligence
• Knowing one’s emotion, self awareness, recognizing a feeling as it happens
• Being able to recognize emotions in others; empathy
• Being able to create healthy relationships
• Being able to motivates one’s self
• Ability to manage our emotions
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Verbalize messages using “I” instead of “You”
Use “I” messages instead of “you” messages“I feel … when you… because...”
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The question is not what is wrong with you? It is what has happened to you or what has happened to your
brain?
The brain is built for 3 tasks
• Reacting
• Valuing
• Thinking( takes longest to develop)
Repetition is a way ofeffective learning
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Brain• Largest & complex organ
• 100 billion nerves, trillions of connections –synapses
• Outer most layer-cortex-thinking & voluntarymovements
• Brain stem between the spinal cord & the rest part ofthe brain. Breathing & sleep controlled here.
• Cerebellum –base & back of the brain-coordination &balance
• Frontal lobe-problem solving & motor function
• Parietal lobes-sensation, handwriting & body position
The brain is also divided into several lobes:• The frontal lobes are responsible for problem solvingand judgment and motor function.• The temporal lobes- memory and hearing.• The occipital lobes - visual processing system.
• Meninges- surrounding layer of tissue
• The skull (cranium) protects the brain from injury.
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Understanding the Brain and Intelligence
• Fluid intelligence is the ability to solve new problems. Itemploys short term memory and focused attention
• Crystallized intelligence grows with wisdom gainedover a lifetime
• Learning involves connections in networks of neurons• Hippocampus: a piece in our brain that sorts important
information• Teen brains crave novelty and excitement. Without
mature mentors, they become prisoners addicted tohigh risk pleasure (Raymond Cattell 1987)
• Neuroplasticity is the brains ability to change whenfaced with new problems
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Trauma
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The moment someone sees an emotionexpressed on your face, they will at once sensethat on themselves
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Three Pillars of Trauma Informed Care
• Safety• Connections – relationships
• Self regulation – teaching skills to control anger
• Ad
Co-regulation Coercive regulation
Goal- help the child to calm Goal -stop bad behavior
Soothing and assertive tone Loud and aggressive tone
Absorb the child’s outburst Retaliate to child’s outbursts
Focus on child’s feelings Focus on the child’s behavior
Attention to the child’s need Ignore the child’s needs
Adult is aware of own feelings Adult is oblivious to own feelings
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The only person you can control…the only
person you can truly motivate is yourselfDiscipline Punishment
Proactive reactive
Natural consequences Arbitrary, adult consequences imposed
Social responsibility taught Obedience to authority figures
Control through inner values
Control by external rule & threat
Psychological & physical punishment is not used
Psychological & physicalpunishment is used
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Fair doesn’t mean you treat everybody equally. Fair means getting everybody’s needs met
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Sandwich Scripts
• Enclosing a criticism between two positive comments
• Positive Comment: “You take very good
• care of your things.”• Constructive criticism: “ Perhaps you• could be more organized before class• so you do not have to get up out of• your chair so many times during
class.”• Positive Comment: “ You are such a
quick learner, I could teach you how to do this in no time.”
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What do children & youth need to become good people and live a good life
love understanding
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The A. Maslow Model
Self actualization Self respect
Safety & securityPhysiological
needs
Belonging/affection
A. Maslow wrote about a ‘peak experience” an event that happens in your life where you have an overwhelming sense of the rightness of something, it is not a planned experience.
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The William Glaser Model
Love
Fun
Safety
Freedom
power
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Stanley Coppersmith Model
The Antecedents of Self-Esteem
Significance
Competence
Power
virtue
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Developmental assets from the search institute - resiliency
External assets
• Support: family, positive communication, other adult relationships, caring neighborhood, caring school climate, parental involvement in school
• Empowerment: community values youth, youth resources, service to others, safety
• Boundaries and expectations
• Constructive use of time
Internal assets• Commitment to learning• Positive values• Positive identity• Social competencies: Planning and
decision making; young person knows how to plan ahead and make choices.Interpersonal competence; young person has empathy, sensitivity and friendship skills. Cultural competence.Resistance skills; young person can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations.Peaceful conflict resolution; young person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently
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Bonnie BernardSteve & Sybil Wolin
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EmpowermentCommunity values youth
youth resources
Service to others
Safety
Try not to become a man of success but a man of value. – Albert Einstein
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Five elements necessary for the ultimate human goal of well being
(Martin Seligman)
• Positive emotion: happiness and life satisfaction
• Positive relationships: other people are important
• Meaning: serving something more than yourself
• Accomplishment: achievement
• Engagement: were you completely absorbed in the task?
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Talk first about the good things & then talk about the concerns
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The Circle of Courage
belonging
masteryindependence
generosity
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Values: Circle of Courage
• Attachment or belonging – Relationships (we don’t heal separated from others)
• Achievement or mastery – “I can… (improve, figure things out for myself)”
• Altruism or generosity – Give back (the ability to do good things)
• Autonym or independence – Empower
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Suggestions why children misbehave
• Relationship problems (belonging): alienation
• Feelings of inadequacy (mastery): failure
• Loss/lack of power (independence): helplessness
• Problems with purpose (generosity): selfishness
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Belonging
• Attachment
• Friendship
• Intimacy
• Co-operation
• Trust
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Allegiance is not the same as belonging
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When belonging is absent or distorted
Relationship problems
Gang involvement
Promiscuity
Withdrawn
Alienated
Rejected
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Mastery
Achievement
Successful
Problem solver
Creative
Resilient
motivated
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• Nicholas Hobbs-we learn best at the edge of success and failure
• Mary Pipher-school failure hurts self esteem
• Praise not the product but the effort
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When mastery is absent or distorted:
• Feel stupid, avoid risks,failure oriented, learnedhelplessness, boredom,learning passionignored, gives up easily
• Labeling: lazy, attitudeproblem, doesn’t workto potential
• School failure hurts selfesteem
• Cheating
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Independence• Responsible
• Self control
• Autonomy
• Assertiveness
• Leadership
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You can’t teach children real responsibility until you give them real
responsibility
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When independence is absent ordistorted
• Rebellious
• Manipulative
• Reckless
• Lacks confidence
• Easily misled
• Irresponsible
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Generosity• Altruism
• Caring
• Compassionate
• Unselfish
• Empathetic
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When generosity is absent or distorted
• Narcissistic
• Psychopathic
• Anti social
• Overindulgent
• Self helping
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Managing Behavior• Planned ignoring: not paying attention to things that don’t
matter• Proximity control: move into the child’s space in respectful
ways• Signal inference: cue the child• Redirection: find something new to focus on• Support from routine: security in routine• Support from restructuring: motivation through creative
effort• Direct appeal to values: state the value; ask the child for co-
operation• Support through humor: laughter is good medicine
(From Life Space Crisis Intervention, Nick Long and others)
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values don’t happen they have to be
taught