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Prof. Franz Ruppert
Love and Trauma How to overcome the difficulties
in order to love oneself London 12th February 2010
www.franz-ruppert.de
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
The wife’s constellation
husband
wife
Issue: Why do I feel like there is a pane of glass between him and me?
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
The wife’s constellation
husband
wife
Issue: Why do I feel like there is a pane of glass between him and me?
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
the husband’s constellation
husband wife
Issue: What is my part In making the relationship with her so difficult?
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
the husband’s constellation
husband
wife
Issue: What is my part In making the relationship with her so difficult?
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
the child’s constellation
husband/father
wife/mother
Issue: What is the background of my rheumatism?
boy
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
the child‘s constellation
husband/father
wife/mother
Issue: What is the background of my rheumatism?
boy
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
Love is
• A bodily sensation • A longing for another person • A capacity • An idea • An attitude
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
Different forms of Love (Erich Fromm 1900- 1980)
• Love for others • Love of a mother • Love between couples • Love of oneself • Love of god
Falling in love Being in love
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
More types of Love
• mother-child • father-child • child-mother • child-father • between siblings • Of one’s family
• to one’s tribe or football club
• for one’s country • of pets • of mankind • ...
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
Love can go beyond
boundaries and limits.
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
The first love experience of human beings is symbiotic.
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
Symbiotically every child is doubly bonded to her mother:
The symbiotic love of a child towards her mother is one of the most powerful emotional forces.
passively: the emotional qualities of the mother are imprinted in the child’s soul
actively: the child tries to support the mother
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
Love
• of a child for his mother always exists.
• of mother for her child only happens, if the mother is not traumatised.
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
A trauma is • a situation (with big physical or
mechanical forces, violence, death, loneliness ...)
• a reaction of an individual and/or a group of persons to the situation (feelings of helplessness)
• the multiplicity of short and long term consequences of the attempt to survive the situation
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
General consequences of a trauma
• hyperarousal and hypervigilance
• extreme anxiety and panic
• permanent feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, sadness
• numbing of all feelings • intrusions of the
traumatic situation into the mind
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
General consequences of a trauma
• Avoidance behaviour • Feelings of unreality • Depersonalisation • Dissociation • Somatization • Hallucinations • Loss of bonding
capacities
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
When traumatised we freeze, dissociate and split the personality in order to survive.
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
Splits in the personality structure after a traumatic experience
traumatisedparts
healthyparts
survivingparts
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
• Traumatic experiences destroy the capability of parents to love,
• because their surviving mechanisms avoid deeper emotional contact with the child.
Trauma and parental love
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
“Symbiotic trauma”
A child is continuously frustated in his attempts to get a stable and safe emotional contact with his mother.
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
Characteristics of the traumatised part in a symbiotic trauma
• despair that there is no love from the mother
• deep loneliness • fear of dying • suppressed anger • suppressed sadness
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
Characteristics of the surviving parts in symbiotic trauma
• idealising the mother • repressing and denying one’s own
symbiotic trauma • identification with the surviving
mechanisms of the mother • melding with the traumatised parts
within the mother
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
• no capacity to distinguish between own feelings and those of the mother
• not living one’s own identity • mental illnesses like
hyperactivity, depressions, psychotic states
• repeating symbiotic entanglement in other relationships
Consequences of a symbiotic trauma for a child
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
Characteristics of a symbiotic entanglement • clinging and adhering • hiding one’s own vulnerability • anger, hate and violence in
relationships • no real self esteem, feelings of
worthlessness • always looking to others • love illusions and love delusions
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
Characteristics of love in healthy parts of the personality
• knowing that love can be developed by oneself
• clearly saying “Yes” or “No”
• supporting the autonomy of the other
• respecting boundaries and limits
• taking responsibility
• no sex without love • no sex with children • no lying • ability to distinguish
between reality and illusions
• willingness to free oneself from symbiotic entanglements
• loving oneself
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
Final trauma constellation
client Issue: to love oneself
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
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Prof. Franz Ruppert
Literature • Erich Fromm (1956). The Art of Loving. • Franz Ruppert (2008). Trauma, Bonding &
Family Constellations. Understanding and Healing Injuries of the Soul. Frome/UK: Green Balloon Publishing.