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Limericks Galore
By Peter FinlaysonLimericks Galore
Copyright 2009 by Peter FinlaysonAll rights reserved.
Cover art and illustrations courtesy of : Google Images and MS Clipart
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ForewordThis book is a collection of limericks and the theme is a global one. Each limerickmakes reference to a country or city in different parts of the world. The chapters arebroken down into continents and sub-continents. There are 70 limericks is this book.
ENJOY !!
Limericks Galore
Copyright 2009 by Peter FinlaysonAll rights reserved.
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T ABLE OF CONTENTS
Sub-continent
Europe
South America
Australasia
Asia
Africa
North America
Limericks Galore
Limericks Galore
Copyright 2009 by Peter FinlaysonAll rights reserved.
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There was once a man from Calcutta
Who never enjoyed eating butter
He would cover his bread
With jam instead
And throw the butter in the gutter
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There was a young lad from DubaiWho never would laugh or cry
They told him a jokeAnd gave him a poke
And still he stood by and by.
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There was a deaf chap from Iran
Whos son was his greatest fan
Together they would talk
And go for a walk
It was good they were from the same clan
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There was a young man fromLahore
Who chose to be round, nottall
He ate lots of curry
In a real great hurry
And now he looksjust like a ball
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A baseballer from Pakistan
Was determined not to be outdone
He batted with grace
And ran for home base
And often hed hit a home run
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A soldier who fought in Sri Lanka
In his youth was a star slam dunker
He would dodge the grenades
And hit them straight back with spades
As he took cover in his military bunker
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A sherper who lived in Tibet
Claimed the mountain for him was no threat
Up Everest hed climb
Through the snow and the slime
And would always proclaim it No sweat!
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There was a clown from Nepal
Who really was on the ball
He would juggle cups and plates
While the audience awaits
For the cups and the plates to fall
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There was a tramp from Bhutan
I believe his name was Dan
He roamed the plains
Amongst the ruins and remains
Looking for scraps for his clan
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An athlete from Bangladesh
Needed to cool and refresh
He was on a long run
And it wasnt for fun
And sprinkled water onto his flesh
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There was a young lady from Spain
Who loved to dancein the rain
One very wet day
She fell into the bay
And never went dancing again!
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There was a meat eater from Cork
Who loved his beef and his pork
He would eat with his hands
With his plate in the sands
And not use a knife or a fork
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There was a man from Gibralter
They had which had caused them to falter.
Cause of too many rows
They retook their vows
Who led his wife to the alter
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There was a hunter from Kiev
And the buck he was forced to leave
And his knife got stuck
He crept up to a buck
Who kept a knife up his sleeve
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With her friends on a plot
A very young girl from Helsinki
Her name I believe was Minki
She played quite a lot
And their names were Dinki and Pinki
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There was a painter from Warsaw
Without any blemish or flaw
On the top of a mountain
He sketched a large fountain
Who loved to paint and to draw
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because he never knew which way he went.
There was a young swimmer from Kent
Who had a back that was bent
In lane one he would dive
And end up in five
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There was a bird from Bern
Which I believe was a ternIt would fly round the cityAnd take great, great pityOn the heads of the statues in Bern
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And threw it with force at a boa
There was a young guy from Genoa
Who was a very good thrower
He was scared of a snake
So he picked up a rake
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There was once an old man from Rome
Who decided to light up his dome
He struck a match
On his very bald patch
And set fire to his dome and his home
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There was a cheese-maker from Harlem
As he raced down the ice shute in tandom
Which he ate at high speed
He loved cheddar cheese
Who loved to ride the slalom
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A winemaker who came from Lisboa
Till the rain came down slower and slower
In a vat hed remain
It started to rain
He thought his name was Noah
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There was a strongman from Brussels
And frighten his eight jack russells
And cause his biceps to grow
He would put on a show
Who loved to flex his muscles
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There was an old granny from Eira
Whos name by the way, was Sarah
She made up her face
And dressed in fine lace
And now looks so much fairer
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As on top she decided to dance.
There was a young damsel in France
Who really enjoyed a good prance
She climbed Notre Dame
And came to no harm
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Who was good at playing the tuba
And said goodbye to her past
There was a young lady from Cuba
She took a very long blast
As she swallowed the tuba in Cuba
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There was a pirate from Peru
Who was very rude to his crew
They shot him with a blank
And made him walk the plank
And served him up in the stew
There was another man from Peru
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There was another man from Peru
Who stuck his fingers with glue
It happened at night
He got one heckave fright
And he didnt have a clue what to do
A ll b ll l f B il
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A volleyball player from Brazil
Was blessed with a great deal of skill
He spent time on the beach
And the youngsters hed teach
And spectators he managed to thrill
A zoo-keeper from Argentina
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Needed to feed a hyena
He stepped into the cage
Caused the hyena to rage
And the keeper pranced like a ballerina
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There was a jockey from Chile
Who loved to ride on a filly
He took part in a race
They came in first place
And the crowd went all crazy and silly
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A goal-keeper from Panama City
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A goal keeper from Panama City
Was short, stocky, strong and gritty
He played many a match
But was unable to catch
A ball, which was a great pity!
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In Colombia there was a man with a sword
Who never liked being ignored
He would love to taunt
And his long sword flaunt
And think of nothing untoward !!
There was a gal from Bolivia
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Whose christian name was Olivia
And in the end it was all trivia
She would make a huge fuss
About riding on a bus
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There was once a granny
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g yfrom Perth
as she sang of her life on this earth.
and she created a thrill
Her voice was quite shrill
who sang for all she was worth
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An Aussie man had no heart
He started to fall apart
He needed an op
But started to pop
And the doctors never knew where to start
An accountant from downtown Brisbane
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An accountant from downtown Brisbane
Drank a bottle and a half of champagne
He felt nothing at first
And then an insatiable thirst
And his head was in considerable pain
An organ donor from Sydney
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An organ donor from Sydney
Decided to pass on his kidney
He went for the op
But the surgeons had to stop
cause his wife started screaming like a banshee!
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A rally driver from Darwin
Took his 4X4 for a spin
He went seriously off-road
nearly drove over a toad
Which almost jumped out of its skin!
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A rugby player from Tonga
Could not seem to wait any longer
He loved being in the scrum
Alongside his chum
Who was bigger and broader and stronger!
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A poor hobo who lived in Dunedin
Used to eat what came out of a bin
Hed spend his time having many fits
Looking around for tasty titbits
And often he just couldnt win!
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There was a bright girl from Pekingwho was allergic to a bee sting
she once got a biteand got quite a frightas her arm was put in a sling
There was once a young man from
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Hong Kong
off the stilts he bought for a song.
and took many a fall
he wanted to be tall
who was neither short nor long
There was once a big man from Japan
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Who ate his rice from a pan
He also loved fish
Which he ate from a dish
And sushi and noodles from a can
An apprentice chef from Korea
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Caused his customers to get diarrhea
He made a mistake with a cake
He used a dirty garden rake
And he really had no idea !
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A soldier from Southern Vietnam
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Was part of a military scam
He crept out one night
And ran back in full flight
In search of a battering ram
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There was a young lad from Libya
Who fell and fractured his tibiaThere was quite a crack
When he fell on his back
While running down south inNamibia
The was once a young man from Mali
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The was once a young man from Mali
With his spar mate who was a Bengali
cause he would fight all day
They nicknamed him Clay
Who believed he was the great Ali
There was a young boy from Uganda
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As it only liked staying on the veranda
which was really quite grim
He taught it to swim
Whos favourite pet was a panda
Th i l f S d
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There was a young girl from Sudan
And was soon the star of her clan
And lots of money shed make
A cake she would bake
who conjured a masterful plan
There was an old man from Zim
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.
On an outdoor safari
They went to Harare
Who had a friend called Jim
And saw Tim and his twin brother Wim
In far north-eastern Botswana
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Lived a seamstress by the name of Jana
She would always impress
With a beautiful dress
And a matching colour bandana
Just off the coast of Morocco
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Was found a rather large mako
It had swum onto ground
And never made a sound
And was found by a fisherman called Jaco
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Near the great lakes of Wisconsin
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And came out as clean as a pin
In Lake Michigan
He went for a swim
Lived a hillbilly named Johnson
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There was this young guy fromMi i
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Missouri
And ended up in front of a jury.
He drank beers through the day
It was no work and all play
Who worked in the local brewery
There was an ape from Montana
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And her owners called her Joanna
She liked lots of fruits
And she also ate roots
But her favourite food was a banana
There was a bird from Kentucky
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He was obviously not very lucky
And became Kentucky fried
But one day he died
Who was known to be very plucky
There was a rancher from Texas
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And injured his solar plexus
When it quickly changed course
He fell off his horse
Who rode a horse called Lexus
There was a man from Dakota.
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Or if it was a Ford or Toyota
Or run into the ground
Whether his car was sound
Who didnt care an iota
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There was a Scot from Kansas
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Made of plastic, nylon and canvas
So he lived in a tent
His budget was spent
Whose name was Billy St Angus
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There was a young girl called Dinah
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And was the cause of a huge angina.
To eat lots of meat
She thought it a feat
Who was born in North Carolina
In far away Pennsylvania
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He would send it to outer Tanzania
And he claimed to have said
He loved to make bread
Lived a baker called Alfred Dania
In the State of Oklahoma
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And it gave off a fantastic aroma
Which tasted real good
He cooked some great food
A chef achieved his diploma
There was a farmer from Maine
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That he went short of wheat and of grain
And there was many a day
His crops washed away
Who experienced a great deal of rain
Way down in Mississippi
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And then he felt far from zippy.
Until he was finally broke
A pipe he would smoke
Lived a down and out old hippy
There was a dancer from Vancouver
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until she fell into a louvre
Who proved to be quite a mover
She pranced up and down
All the streets in the town
Way down South in Arizona
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And together then invented the sonar
Whose name was Tim Procter
She worked for a doctor
Lived a young nurse called Ramona
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There was once a beggar in New York
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and eat pork with a knife and afork
Who never could find any work
Hed laze around all day
Without any pay
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An IT student from Utah
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And he needed some help from his tutor
Who said Thats enough!!
He went to his Prof
Managed to crash his computer
There was a horse from Wyoming
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There was a horse from Wyoming
And look forward to its daily combing
Like a captive horse freed
It would trot at great speed
Who loved to go a-roaming
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The End
Limericks Galore
Copyright 2009 by Peter FinlaysonAll rights reserved.