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Improving SentenceConcision and Coherence
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How does making sentence concise and coherent improve
your argument?
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Two Strategies
The Paramedic Method
Cutting Clutter
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The Paramedic Method
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The Paramedic Method
Developed by Richard Lanham, the paramedic method is a set of clear steps for analyzing and revising wordy sentences.
Writers use the paramedic method to improve clarity and readability so that their meaning is communicated concisely and effectively.
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The Paramedic Method
• Circle the prepositions and underline the prepositional phrases.
• Circle the “to be” forms of verbs.• Ask, “Where’s the action?” “Who is
kicking who?” Put a box around nominalizations.
• Put this “kicking” in a simple (not compound) active verb. Write the nominalization as an active verb.
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• Circle the prepositions and underline the prepositional phrases.
• Original
The grant proposals reviews were read by the students.
Step 1
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• Circle the “to be” forms of verbs.
• Original
The grant proposals reviews were read by the students.
“To be” verbs are conjugations of “to be”: am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been
Step 2
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• Ask, “Where’s the action?” “Who is kicking who?” Put a box around nominalizations.
• Original
The grant proposal reviews were read
by the students.
Step 3
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• Put this “kicking” in a simple (not compound) active verb. Write the nominalization as an active verb.
• Original
The grant proposal reviews were read
by the students.
• Revision
• The students reviewed the grant proposals.
Step 4
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Lard Content
• Number of words removed: 3
• Number of words in original sentence: 9
• 3/9= 33%
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Practice
• On your graded argument, use colored pencils or highlighters to mark your draft.
• Follow the guidelines on the next slide for practicing the paramedic method..
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The Paramedic Method
• Circle the prepositions and underline the prepositional phrases.
• Circle the “to be” forms of verbs.• Ask, “Where’s the action?” “Who is
kicking who?” Put a box around nominalizations.
• Put this “kicking” in a simple (not compound) active verb. Write the nominalization as an active verb.
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Cut the Clutter
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1. Avoid empty sentence openers.
• Avoid expletives--There is, There are, and There were--as sentence openers when There adds nothing to the meaning of a sentence:Wordy: There is a prize in every box of Quacko cereal.Revised: A prize is in every box of Quacko cereal.Wordy: There are two security guards at the gate.Revised: Two security guards stand at the gate.
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Step 1:
• Circle all the expletives at the beginning of your sentences.
• Revise to eliminate the expletives.
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2. Don't Overwork Modifiers
• Do not overwork very, really, totally, and other modifiers that add little or nothing to the meaning of a sentence.Wordy: By the time she got home, Ashley was very tired.Revised: By the time she got home, Ashley was exhausted Wordy: She was also really hungry.Revised: She was also famished.
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Step 2:
• Put a triangle around common modifiers.
• Revise to use a fresh, precise word.
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3. Replace Vague Nouns
• Replace vague nouns (such as area, aspect, case, factor, manner, situation, something, thing, type, and way) with more specific words--or eliminate them altogether.Wordy: After reading several things in the area of psychology-type subjects, I decided to put myself in a situation where I might change my major.Revised: After reading several psychology books, I decided to change my major.
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Step 3:
• Put a star by vague nouns.
• Think of three or four more precise terms to use in place of the vague nouns.
• Pick the most precise.
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4. Cut Empty Phrases• Some of the most common
phrases mean little, if anything, and should be cut from our writing:
– all things being equal– all things considered– as a matter of fact– as far as I am concerned– at the end of the day– at the present time– due to the fact that– for all intents and
purposes
– for the most part– for the purpose of– in a manner of speaking– in my opinion– in the event of– in the final analysis– it seems that– the point that I am trying to make– type of– what I am trying to say– what I want to make clear
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Step 4:
• Look for the empty phrases and strike through each in your essay.
– all things being equal– all things considered– as a matter of fact– as far as I am concerned– at the end of the day– at the present time– due to the fact that– for all intents and purposes– for the most part– for the purpose of– in a manner of speaking– in my opinion– in the event of– in the final analysis– it seems that– the point that I am trying to
make– type of– what I am trying to say– what I want to make clear