Download - I QUIT!!!!
I QUIT!!!!
Quit being Afraid of……
What Other Thinks
Ever Feel This Way?
“My need to be what other people wanted and expected was far to great to actually allow me to stand up.”
“While I was a committed Christian for many years, my primary identity was not defined by God’s love but what others thought of me.”
“I feel good about myself, as long as other people are okay w me”
More……
You feel hurt by a friend but you said nothing about it.
You get the wrong bill but because the shop is so busy you’re uncomfortable to ask about it
You go w a group of friends to see a movie but you don’t like this particular movie and yet you go along
You have a invitation. You’re tired. But you still go because you can’t face the disapproval later on
Real Source of “Okay”
We’re Made in God’s ImageWe’ve infinite value as human beings apart from anything we do
We Have a New Identity in Christ.We’re good enough because of Christ. There is noting left to prove.
Gery’s Story
“My daily reality was that my lovability came not from Christ but from how others perceived me.”
“I needed people to think that I was a great Christian & a good person”
It’s OK & It’s Not Too Late!
Peter (Matthew 26:31-75) Abraham (Genesis 12:10-20; 20:1-18) Reuben (Genesis 37:12-36) Aaron (Exodus 32) Timothy (1 Timothy 1)
Four degree of love in Christianity
Loving ourselves Become a Christian to avoid hell
Loving God for His gifts and blessings Love God because what He has given us
Loving God for himself alone Love God for His character
Loving ourselves for the sake of God Taking care of ourselves well to do His will
Reason to Stop
Losing your own integrityWho you’re in front of public is different that who you’re by yourself. Gal 2:11-14.
What/whom your love is affected.You realize if you keep continuing doing what you do you might lose something/someone dear to you
Pain of present situation. The fear that things stay the same >
the fear to change
How to Monitor Progress
Reflect on the movement of the heart.Pay attention when your heart try to please others by not being yourself.
Reflect on the love of God.The more you ground your identity in the love of God, the less you need the approval of people for your sense of lovability
Why We Need to do this?
We can’t grow to spiritual adulthood if we don’t break free from needing the approval of others.
Our growth will be stunted
2. Quit LyingTo Yourself, Others, & God
Have You Ever Feel This Way?
Pretend that everything is OK and always have a positive emotion.
Spin the truth to keep the peace. To “forgive” someone and yet have
problems looking at them person for a long time after the “sorry” and “OK”
Some Rules That Might Make You Lie
Don’t show your feeling Don’t show off Don’t talk back/ fight Always be nice Akways be on time Always be good Obey authority Mistake can kill, so don’t make one
Why Lie?
Managing other people perception Threatened self esteem
Cost of Lying
Lying give a short term relief but at a cost:
Lies become more complicated Relationship diminish in quality People trust us less Stress and anxiety level increases Our ability to love God and others -
lessen
Conflict When Truth Arises?
Conflict is normal, important, and necessary when close relationships enter into a new cycle of growth and maturity.
Truth spoke irresponsibly or disrespectful almost always creates unnecessary damage.
Speaking the truth in love involves: respectful words, being responsible for our own thoughts and emotions, speaking in the “I”s.
These are skills to be learned
Lying to God
Many people lie to God by only sharing what they think God wants to hear or what they ought to feel.
Many Christians struggle with inner emotions that they feel they are not supposed to have.
To start:
Stop lying & tell the truth initially feel like a death because it has been so ingrained in us.
When you quit lying, you ignite your spirituality
Part of you that has been asleep will be awake, whether good or bad. You’re removing false layer and growing the real you
Embrace your weaknesses. It makes you a safer, softer, and more approachable person
3. Quit Dying to…..
The Wrong Things
When?
Devalue activities that cause your soul to feel full alive.
Ignore important relationship. When your care for others are
detrimental to yourself. When you fail to state your
preferences, always deferring to others
Reason behind it
A lack of self respect Failure to grasp our personal dignity as
made in the image of God
The wrong “good Christians”
Never say no Have active social calendar Juggle many things w/o complaining Get things done Put others needs before their own
Dying to the right thing
The sinful part of us such as:- Defensiveness- Arrogance- Hypocrisy- Judgmental spirit- Finding our worth apart from him- Other more obvious sins
Three area to focus
In order to grow self knowledge and self awareness.
1. Your story
2. Your heart
3. Your personality
My Story
Understanding the positive and negative legacies that we inherit from our past: family, friends, mentors, etc.
Courageously admit what to hold on to and what to be changed
My Heart
Paying attention to the thought and feelings inside us
Thoughts, beliefs, judgments, hopes, fears, beliefs
Jot them down to connect w yourself If we bypass it – losing opportunity to
transform ourselves
My Personality
Introvert or extrovert? What tempt you to substitute God’s
love in order to find security and self worth:
- To be right- To be needed- To succeed- To be special- To know- For certainty- To enjoy life- To be against- To avoid confrontation
4. Quit Denying….
Anger, Sadness, & Fear
Anger
A tool to clarify values Signal of deeper emotion Unmet expectations Be a sin
Sadness
The greatest teacher of all Bible affirms the expression of sadness
(Isaiah 53:3) Experience it makes you more
compassion toward other Scripture considers grieving losses as
central to our spiritual growth Loss is a part of life
.
Fear
Not admitting gives fear more power Fear of making mistakes, rejection,
consequences from relaxing Imagine if you could make mistakes,
be imperfect, and still be loved Psalm 46:10
Guidelines to Quit
Feel your feelingsBalance, take care of your feeling, journaling
Think through your feelingsThe reason to feel this way
Take appropriate action
Effect on not caring for our feeling
Dishonest w our feelings stunt our spiritual growth
Dishonesty in feeling create superficial spirituality
5. Quit Blaming
The Blame Game
Comfort us Keep us stuck in immaturity Illusion of helplessness thus
irresponsibility Focus on what others supposed to do
rather than one’s own
6 Signals of the Game
Feel that you have been dealt “a bad hand” in life
Think that you can’t change anything for the better
View negative occurrences and relationships as being out of control
Rarely believe you’re wrong Apologizing is a sign of weakness Dwell on the past
Start to Take Responsibility
Determine when, how, or even if you want to spend time with them.
Rock the boat if necessary
“ It took years of courage, honesty, hard work, and taking responsibility
for ourselves. But now we enjoy intimacy and safety in our
relationship that I couldn’t imagined when I was begging God to ‘fix’ him”
Freedom Toolkit
1. Boundaries
2. Speak up
3. Say yes or no
4. Pay attention to feelings
5. Take care of yourself
6. Confront yourself
7. Remain hopeful
8. Think carefully
9. Be courageous
1. Practice Boundaries
Don’t be pressured to do something that you don’t agree/ want
Respect the choices of others To practice need: God’s power, heroic
courage, and support from others. Learn this. You’re worth it.
2. Speak Up
You speak for yourself not against others.
Speak w respect to ourselves and others. Not w/ manipulation/ control.
3. Say Yes/No
Yes and No are loving words No is for you, not against others, and it
doesn’t make you bad. Must be able to say no for a healthy
yes. If you say yes for a no – erode integrity
and hurt both parties (it’s a lie)
4. Pay Attention to Feelings
Admitting disappointments humbly reveals & opens our hearts.
Acknowledging happiness Journal what God speaks through your
feelings (angry/sad/anxious/ glad)
5. Take care of Yourself
We must first take care of ourselves before we can take care of others
Doing things that refresh & give you life
In touch w wishes, dreams, things that cause you to feel fully alive.
Sabbath
5. Confront Yourself
Humbly acknowledging our shortcomings
Responsible for our failures & disappointments
Enable us to stop blaming and take control of our lives
Full personal freedom comes w full personal truth
6. Remain Hopeful
Unlock the truth and releases us from the prison of the past.
“ I’ll never let that happen again” What I want Vs what I don’t want How difficult the past maybe, it doesn’t
mean the future is impossible
7. Think Carefully
Ability to live wisely not foolishly Don’t go blindly/ make impulsive
decisions, Proverbs 14:15 Pause, gather information, evaluate
what we know about the issue Giving thoughts to our ways is both a
privilege and a gift from God
8. Be Courageous
Enable us to take healthy risks We don’t have to prove our worth to
ear His love Authentic life requires courage & is not
an easy life pick redemptive over destructive
Redemptive life makes you die to the right things closer to your destiny
Destructive pain leads to more pain
Reward of Quit Blaming
Our sense of helplessness evaporates We realizes we’re not responsible for
others choices We care and serve others while
allowing them to mature & take responsibilities in their own burdens (Gal 6:2-4)
6. Quit Overfunctioning
Definition
When we do for others what they can & should do for themselves.
When there is a overfunctioner, there will always bean underfunctioner
Test for Overfunctioner
I generally know the right things to do I move quickly to fix things before they
fall apart. I’ve difficulty allowing others to
struggle w their own problem. In the long run, it’s easier to do it
myself I don’t trust others to do as good as I
can I often do what is asked of me, even
though I’m already overloaded
Test for Overfunctioner
I don’t like to rock the oat so I covers for others
Other people describe me as “stable’ and as always “having it together”.
I don’t like asking for help because I don’t want to be a burden
I like to be needed
Five Deadly Consequences
Breed resentment Perpetuates immaturity Prevent from focusing on life calling Erodes spiritual life Destroy community by dissension,
conflict, helplessness, anger, despair
Breaking Free
Admit over functioning Unleash the earthquake Expect chaos Stand firm
7. Quit Faulty Thinking
8. Quit Living…Someone Else’s Life