HOW TO REBUILD TRUST IN ADDICTION RECOVERYApril 28, 2015 | Written by : Alastair Mordey
During any substance abuse disorder it is almost inevitable that you will break the trust of those closest to you, and often the relationships that you
care about the most will be left in pieces. The initial dishonesty and lies you resorted to, to keep your drug addiction a secret, often manifest into
other areas of your life, and you may have found that your everyday activities became a tangled web of lies and secretiveness.
You may have stolen money or items to buy drugs, you may have lied to and cheated on your loved ones; this all leads to strain and damage on the
relationships around you, and in some cases people may have given up on you completely when you were still in the depth of your addiction. The
important thing to know, however, is that through addiction recovery you can learn how to win back the trust and support of the people that you hurt
during your addiction episodes. And while some people may take longer than others to trust you again, the important thing is that they still love you
and therefore the damage done to the relationship is not irreparable. Through hard work, honesty and determination you will be able to rebuild trust
with your loved ones while you are in addiction recovery.
Tips for Repairing Relationships in Addiction Recovery
Even if you are in addiction recovery and no longer using drugs or alcohol, you may still be struggling with the social aspects of your life - and facing
your broken relationships is not easy. You may feel like no one trusts you, that people are suspicious of you, and that they are just waiting for you to
make another mistake. This can make you feel condemned and nervous/weak from the start, and this stigmatisation may put a lot of pressure on
you. This type of stress is one of the leading causes or relapse, but do not let it get you down. Take steps to relieve the stress you are feeling, and
know that there is always hope for you to rebuild trust with those closest to you. The following tips guide you on how to rebuild trust with your loved
ones while you are in addiction recovery:
1. Remember that it takes time.
It is imperative to keep in mind that it is impossible to repair a relationship overnight, and this is
particularly true if you have been in recovery more than once. Rebuilding trust can be a lengthy
process that takes a lot of hard work, commitment and energy. You need to remember the amount
of time that you spent lost in drug addiction and how you hurt those around you - and that the
relationships that have been damaged are not going to be miraculously fixed. It is really important
that you do not rush the process and put too much pressure on yourself or your loved ones to
rebuild the trust before either of you are ready. Some relationships may be rebuilt in a few months,
but most will likely take anywhere from 6 months to a year or more!
2. Decide on a plan of action.
Making amends is a crucial part of any addiction recovery programme. Once you are feeling more
confident in your personal recovery, making amends and repairing relationships will be one of the
first things that you will focus on. It is important that you work with a counsellor or professional on
this, at least in the beginning, so that they can help you objectively identify the things that you said
and did to hurt those you love. From that point forward, you must identify the people who you wish
to rebuild trust with and devise a step-by-step action plan that will get you to your end goal. In
some cases, you may want to speak to the person who you have hurt and get their opinion on how
you can rectify the situation and make amends.
3. Be honest about your past.
The process of rebuilding relationships in addiction recovery can be extremely hard, and the first
step is generally the most difficult to deal with. The first and most important thing that you must do
when trying to repair a relationship, is to open up and be honest about your actions in the past.
You need to open up to your loved ones and let them know what you have stolen/taken and when
you have lied or cheated – even if they did not know about some cases previously. Admitting faults
or poor decisions is incredibly difficult for humans in general, but it is integral to gaining back trust.
Confirmation, rather than suspicion of things you said or did, is a step in the right direction for your
loved ones and it will be beneficial to both of you.
4. Try to make up for the damage and make amends.
There is a big difference between giving an apology and making amends. It is important to know the
difference, and understand how to truly make things right with the person who you have hurt. In
some cases, this may mean you have to buy or replace something that you stole or broke, but it
could also be an expression of honesty and remorse, and doing something nice for, or spending
time with the affected person of which you are truly trying to make amends.
5. Make a new vow of honesty and stick to it.
Not only is it of utmost importance to be honest
about your past, you must also remember to be honest going forward from this point.
Unfortunately, trust is much easier broken than built, and one lie in the future could undo all the
work you've done rebuilding their trust in you.
In other words, prove yourself. It is important that you issue a new vow of honesty and
dependency to your friends and family, as they need to hear from you that you have changed and
that you will not be repeating the mistakes of your past. It is even more imperative to make sure
you stick to this new vow and show your loved ones on a daily basis that your words and actions reflect and justify the trust that they are placing
back in you during this process.
In most cases of drug and alcohol abuse, a trail of damaged relationships is left in the user's wake and friends and family are left hurt and distrustful
of you. However, it is important for you to remember that there is a way to rebuild the trust of broken relationships in addiction recovery, and that
despite your actions of the past - your friends and family still love you. Repairing relationships is not an easy task, and it is one that takes huge
amounts of hard work and dedication, but the end results are truly worth it.
By acknowledging and repairing the hurt that you have put your loved ones through, you are also doing the same for yourself and your addiction
recovery will truly be in full swing.