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If the heart is the source of the sin problem of my child,
then lasting CHANGE must always travel through
the pathway of the heart.
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Attention GCF Parents, we will be having an afternoon seminar on parenting on Saturday, May 7th
at church
from 1pm to 5pm.
What would be discussed and taught?
We will be watching four segments (each about 25 minutes long) of a DVD curriculum, Getting to the Heart of
Parenting, by Paul David Tripp and also discussing their contents in small groups.
About Getting to the Heart of Parenting:
Parenting is more than using your power to get children to behave in certain ways. Parenting is all about the
exposure and change of the child's heart. When the heart of a child changes the behavioral change that is
needed will last. This is a great conference for parents raising children from age toddler through teen.
Learn how to be an instrument of heart changing grace in the little moments of life that God will give you with
your children. Paul Tripp will begin with giving you a picture for God's design for the family. Because if you
don't understand the family; you will never understand parenting. Then, Paul will help you to understand the
life transforming and agenda setting things that the Bible says about the heart. Then, he will apply the
principles about the family and the heart to the three primary stages of parenting. Click here to find out more
about it and watch some sample clips:
www.paultrippministries.com.
From Pastor HeathIve watched most of what we will be watching and its great stuff helpful, from the heart, biblical and very
practical. But Im looking forward even more so to our discussions based on the DVD material. There will be no
cost for the event; just a small donation per family which will be going to the teens taking care of our kids during
the seminar. Snacks and drinks will be available as well. Please let me know if you would be interested in
attending the event.
God bless you and may God continue to help us raise our children with His Kingdom and His agenda view.
Please let Pastor Heath know if youre planning on attending - [email protected].
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Getting to the Heart of
ParentingByPaulDavidTripp
MichaelE.BreececontributorDiscussionGuidetobeusedwiththeconferenceonDVD
(Ten25minutesessionson3DVDs)
forChurchwideEvents,Classes,SmallGroups,orPersonalStudy
Thisisaresourceof:PaulTrippMinistries7214FrankfordAve.
Philadelphia,PA19135
(800)5516595
www.paultrippministries.org
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Getting to the Heart of ParentingINTRODUCTION
The following study guide provides practical discussion and application based on abiblical perspective of parenting. The best way to interact with the material is
within a small group or class where discussion with others can stimulate ideas andquestions you may not have otherwise considered. You will probably find in your
discussions and answers that your trials are not unusual, and a small group canprovide encouragement and accountability. If you do not have a small group to
participate in, consider inviting others to join you in going through this material.
Nonetheless, this material can also be beneficial as an independent study.
The study is intended for you to think deeply and honestly to the questions posed.
Take the time to examine your life, your thoughts, and your feelings; and take thetime to write down your answers and thoughts. It is useful to write out answersand not just think about them. Writing deepens and clarifies your thinking, andwriting it down acts as a stronger form of commitment than just saying it in your
mind. You will also gain the most from the study by being honest and open aboutyour struggles, your disappointments, and your weaknesses. Growth and freedom
come from the truth and the light; not from continuing to hide or pretend.
A time of prayer after answering the application questions can be a good way toreinforce them and to make further application. Prayer can be a way for you to
make a commitment to God with what you want to apply and a good way to hear
what God may be saying to you.
As you share your thoughts, feelings, struggles, and accomplishments, speakhumbly, honestly, and in love. We all have sin; we all have great value in Gods
sight; and we all are on a journey growing and becoming more like Christ. MayGod bless you greatly!
Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. NIV.
Copyright1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission ofZondervan. All rights reserved.
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Getting to the Heart ofParenting
SESSION 1: Giving our children a spiritual cultureOpeningDiscussion:WhatdoyouthinkisGodspurposeforthefamily?
Istherearightwaytoparent?
Scripture:Judges
2:6
11
Notes:
Getting to theHeart
of Parenting
What is a Family?
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Judges 2:6-15
An ImportantWarning!
Theological Community
The Family:Gods Primary Learning
Community
Revelation ReceiversChildren Are:
KeyPoints:
Ourchildrenwillbeacculturatedtosomething;theywillnotremaincultureless. Thefamilyistheprimarylearningcommunity. Thefamilyistheprimarytheologicalcommunity.
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ParentsdonotsharethegloryofGodwiththeirchildrenwhentheythemselvesdonotseethegloryofGod.
YourchildrencannotknoweverythingthereistoknowaboutlifewithoutGodsrevelation.
ReviewQuestions:1. WhatistheprimarylearningcommunityinGodseyes?
2. WhyisitabsolutelynecessarytotalkaboutGodwithinyourfamily?
3. WhatisthepurposeofspeakingtoourchildrenaboutGod?
GroupDiscussionQuestions:1. Whatkeepsparentsfrommakingtheirfamilyatheologicalcommunity?
2. Whatthingsinourchildrenslivesarecompetingwithourvalues?Whodoyouthinkiswinning?
PersonalReflection:1. HowwelldoyoucommunicatetheaweofGodtoyourchildren?
2. WhatpreventsyoufromspeakingaboutGodtoyourchildreninthecourseoftheday?
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3. DoyouthinkyouspendenoughtimespeakingaboutGodandhiswordtoyourchildren?DoyouspendenoughtimewithGodandhisword?Whatcanyoudotoincreasethis
time?
GettingtotheHeartofyourChildren1. AskyourchildrenwhatmostamazesthemaboutGod. Dotheyhaveananswer? Do
theystruggletofindananswer? DoestheiranswerreflectwhatamazesyouaboutGod
orwhattheyhavebeentaughtbyothers?
2. Sharewithyourchildrensomethingthatamazesyouinnature. Askthemforsomethingthatamazestheminnature.
3. Shareafavoritebiblicalstorywithyourchildren. Explainwhyitisafavoriteofyours.AskthemtoshareafavoriteBiblestoryandexplainwhyitisafavorite.
4. SharewithyourchildrensomethingGoddidinyourlifethatwaslifechangingoramazing.
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SESSION 2: Giving our children a spiritual cultureOpeningDiscussion:Howwillyouknowifyouareasuccessfulparent?
Whatwillitlookliketohavesuccessfulchildren?
Scripture:Notes:
Revelation ReceiversInterpreters
Children Are:
Revelation ReceiversInterpreters
Worshippers
Children Are:
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Theological Community
The Family:Gods Primary Learning
Community
Sociological CommunityRedemptive Community
KeyPoints: Childrenarealwaysthinkingandinterpreting. Theyact,however,notonthefactsof
lifebutontheirinterpretationofthefacts.
Childrenareallworshipperstheywillnaturallyattachtheiridentitytosomething. Thefamilyshouldbeasociologicalcommunity. Thefamilyismeanttobearedemptivecommunity.
ReviewQuestions:1. Whatistheconnectionbetweenourchildrenbeinginterpretersandparents
responsibilitytoteachthemGodsword?
2. Howdoourchildrenrevealthemselvesasworshippers?
3. Asasocialcommunity,whatshouldthefamilylooklike?
GroupDiscussionQuestions:1. Whyissacrificiallovenecessarytoahealthysocialcommunity?
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2. Howdowecreatearedemptivecommunityinourfamilies?
3. Howwillweknowifwearebeingsuccessfulparents?
PersonalReflection:1. HowoftendoyouuseScripturetohelpyourchildreninterprettheirexperiences?
2. Howwelldoesyourfamilyreflectasocialcommunityofsacrificiallove? Howwelldoyoumodelsacrificiallovetoyourchildren?
GettingtotheHeartofyourChildren1. Askyourchildren,Whatissomethingyouwouldnotwanttolivewithout? Ifthiswere
takenaway,howdoyoupictureGodprovidingforyou?
2. Askyourchildren,Whatdoyouthinkisthemostimportantthingtome? (Yes,youareaskingyourchildrentoidentifywhattheythinkismostimportanttoyou).
3. Askyourchildreniftheyfeelsafetoshareanythingwithyou?4. Askyourchildren,IsthereanythingyoufeelIshouldaskyouforforgiveness?
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SESSION 3: Targeting the HeartOpeningDiscussion:Whatisthemostfrustratingaspectofneedingtodisciplineyourchildren?
Howwelldoyourchildrenfessuptotheirownsin?Whatdoyouthinkhelpsthemorhinders
theminthis?
Scripture: Luke6:4345Notes:
The Heart is the Target
Above all else guard your he art, for it is the wellspringof life. Proverbs 4:23
Receive Grace of the New CovenantRepent
BelieveSee
SingDiscern
GrieveThink
PrayLove
HateFearBecome HardGive
Lust
FaithfulUpright
RighteousTurns AwayStore Things
RejoiceHumble
Love GodProud
KnowMeditateSeek God
Remember
What theHeart Does
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OVERFLOW
Matt. 15:1130Luke 6:4346Mark 7:1723
Behavior(Say & Do)
Ungodly BehaviorAttitudes
Love of Self
BehaviorFighting
Godly BehaviorAttitudes
Love of Others
BehaviorSharing
Attempt to exchangebehavior for behavior.
ConfessionRepentance
Faith
Matt. 15:1130Luke 6:4346Mark 7:1723
Behavior(Say & Do)
Ungodly BehaviorAttitudes
Love of Self
BehaviorFighting
Godly BehaviorAttitudes
Love of Others
BehaviorSharing
OVERFLOW
KeyPoints: Theheartisthesourceofeverythingyousay,desireanddo. Wedonotcreatelastingchangewhenwethreaten,manipulate,oruseguilt. Thebeginningofheartchangeisaccuratelyseeingthesin.
ReviewQuestions:1. WhatismeantbytheheartasusedinLuke6?
2. Whatistheideaofapplenailing? Howdoweapplenailinourfamilies?
3. Howdoeschangebegintakeplaceintheheart?
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GroupDiscussionQuestions:1. Whatwilllook,soundandfeeldifferentwhenweparenttheheartsofourchildrenand
notjusttheirbehavior?
2. Whydothreatening,manipulatingandusingguiltnotreallywork?
3. Whatneedstofirsthappenforyourchildrentobeabletoconfesstheirownsin?
PersonalReflection:1. Doesyourparentingandtrainingfocusontheheartsofyourchildrenorjusttheir
behavior?
2. Whatisyourmotivation(whatisinyourheart)thatpersuadesyoutousethreats,manipulationorguiltwithyourchildren?
3. Howwelldoyourchildrenrespondtoyourdisciplineandwhenyouaddresstheirsin? Istheresomethingyoucoulddodifferentlythatwillfosteralisteningspiritwithinyour
child?
GettingtotheHeartofyourChildren1. ReadtogetherLuke6:4345. Explainhowwhatwesayanddoistheoverflowofour
hearts. Giveexamplesfromyourownlife.
2. Discusswithyourchildren:WhatdoyouthinkGodwantsustodowhenwesin?
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SESSION 4: Targeting the HeartOpeningDiscussion:HowdoyouthinkGodwantstouseyouinthelivesofyourchildren?
Ifthereisonethingyouhopetopassontoyourchildren,whatisit?
Scripture:Notes:
ConfessionRepentance
Faith
Matt. 15:1130Luke 6:4346Mark 7:1723
Behavior(Say & Do)
Ungodly BehaviorAttitudes
Love of Self
BehaviorFighting
Godly BehaviorAttitudes
Love of Others
BehaviorSharing
OVERFLOW
KeyPoints: Youcannotchangeyourchild. YoucanprepareandhelpyourchildtoseekGodandsee
his/herownheart.
Gettingtotheheartofyourchildbeginsbylookingatyourownheart. WeareGodsinstrumentofgraceandchangeinourchildslife.
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Ifwearenotlookingatourownheartsasparents,wewillturnmomentsofministryintoamomentofanger; wewillpersonalizeit;wewillbecomeanadversary;andwe
willsettleforaquick,temporarysolutionthatdoesnotchangetheheart
Review/DiscussionQuestions:1. Whatisprobablyhappeninginourownheartswhenwearefrustratedwithhavingto
disciplineourchild?
2. Whycanwelookatthesinandconflictsofourchildrenasapositiveexperience?
3. Whatneedstohappenforthesemomentsofconflicttobecomemomentsofministry?
4. Shareatimewhenyoudidnotseeaconflictasamomentofministry.Whatwastheresult?
5. Shareatimewhenyouministeredtotheheartofyourchild.Whatwastheresult?
PersonalReflection:1. Howdoyouviewthemomentsofconflictandsinthatarisewithyourchild?
2. Whatadditionalinsightdoyouhaveregardingthefollowingquestionfromsession3Whatisyourmotivation(whatisinyourheart)thatpersuadesyoutousethreats,
manipulationorguiltwithyourchildren?
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3. Whatcanyoustarttodosothatyoudonotmissministryopportunitieswithyourchild?Ifyouaremarried,howcanyourspousehelpyou?
4. ReadHebrews4:1416. HowdoesJesustreatuswhenwecometohimwithoursinsandweaknesses? Howshouldthisinformthewayyoutreatyourchildinrelationto
his/hersinandweaknesses?
GettingtotheHeartofyourChildrenUsethesequestions,inorder,nexttimeyourchildneedscorrection.
Whatwasgoingon?
Whatwereyouthinkingandfeelingasitwashappening?
Whatdidyoudoinresponse?
Whydidyoudoit?Whatwereyouseekingtoaccomplish?
Whatwastheresult?
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SESSION 5: 0 to 5 years: Learning to Live Under
Authority
OpeningDiscussion:Whatistheroleofauthorityinourlives?
Thinkaboutpeoplewhohavebeenorareinauthorityoveryou.Whatcharacteristicsdothey
havethathavemadeyourespectthem?
Scripture: Ephesians6:13Notes:
Infancy to Childhood (05)
Central Focus:Living Under
Authority(A Godward Focus)Proper Use of the Rod
InstructionIntroduction to Christ
HONOR
OBEY
Go Well Long Life
Ephesians 6:14
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2. Inwhatwayshaveyoubeengoodatteachingyourchildrentobeunderauthority? Inwhatwayscouldyoubebetter?
GettingtotheHeartofyourChildrenTheremaybeahostofissueswhenitcomestothewayyourchildrensubmittoyour
authority. Decideonjustoneareathathasbeenaproblemandworktobecome
consistentinwhatyouexpectfromyourchildinthatarea. Itcouldbeamealtimeissue,
anissueatbedtime,aproblemwithobeyingrightaway,oraproblemwithtryingto
manipulateaninstruction.Whenyoudiscipline,befocusedontheirheartandnotjust
thebehavior.
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SESSION 6: 0 to 5 years: Learning to Live Under
Authority
OpeningDiscussion:Howdoyouseealackofrespectforauthorityintheculturetoday?
Howdoyouseeanunwillingnesstoenforceauthorityinourculturetoday?
Scripture: Proverbs22:15Notes:
Go Well: As I live Gods way, I will enjoythe respect, trust, friendship, freedom,responsibility, and opportunity that results.
Long Life: Does not mean that if I disobeyI will physically die. Rather, this is apromise of blessing---a long and prosperouslife results from the willing submission ofmyself to God and the authorities He hasplaced in my life.
HONOR
OBEY
Go Well Long Life
SAFETYDISOBEYHONOR
DISCIPLINECORRECTION
DANGERDishonor
Disobey
Difficulty Hardship
R E S C U E F R O M D A N G E R
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Purpose of Discipline Rescue & Restoration Not expression of irritation, anger,
impatience, etc. Children need firm, loving authority
and active discipline
Principle Tool of DisciplineDuring This Stage
The Rod
Proverbs13:24Hewhosparestherodhateshisson,buthe
wholoveshimiscarefultodisciplinehim.
Proverbs19:18Disciplineyoursonforinthatthereishope;do
notbeawillingpartytohisdeath.
Proverbs22:15Follyisboundupintheheartofachild,butthe
rodofdisciplinewilldriveitfarfromhim.
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How Should I GoAbout SpankingMy Child?
KeyPoints:
YourexerciseofauthorityisarescuemissionreturningyourchildbacktothesafetyofGodsprotection.
Godsmaintoolforrescuebetweentheages05yearsistherod.
ReviewQuestions:1. Whatisthedangerofbeinginconsistentinyourexerciseofauthority?
2. Whatisthedifferencebetweendiscipliningoutofanger,irritation,orimpatience,anddiscipliningwiththepurposeofrescuing?
Proverbs13:24Hewhosparestherodhateshisson,buthe
wholoveshimiscarefultodisciplinehim.
Proverbs19:18Disciplineyoursonforinthatthereishope;donotbeawillingpartytohisdeath.
Proverbs22:15Follyisboundupintheheartofachild,butthe
rodofdisciplinewilldriveitfarfromhim.
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3. Whyandwhenisspankingappropriate?
DiscussionQuestions:1. Describethedifferencebetweenabusivedisciplineandlovingdiscipline.
PersonalReflection:1. Doyouneedtoconfesstoyourchildrenanerrorinhowyoutaughtthemtorespect
authority?
2. Doyouneedtoadjustthemannerinwhichyoudiscipline?
3. DoyouneedtoconfesstoyourchildrentimesyouhavenotdisciplinedordisciplinedforyourownpurposesinsteadofGods?
GettingtotheHeartofyourChildrenThinkofaconsistentissueyouwillprobablyneedtodisciplineyourchildrenforduring
thisupcomingweek. Thinkthroughthefollowing:
1. Whyisitimportantthatthisissuebecorrected?2. Howsuccessfulhasyourdisciplinebeenuptothispoint?3. Whatwillbethebestwaytoimplementthediscipline? Howwillyoushow
lovingdiscipline?
Pray
with
your
children
after
disciplining
them.
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SESSION 7: Ages 6-12: The Development of characterOpeningDiscussion:Howdoyouseealackofgodlycharacterinourculturetoday?Whatdoyoubelievearethe
causesofthis?
Scripture: 2Cor5:15Notes:
Childhood (612)
Central Focus:Character
(Rebellion vs.Wrong)GodOthersSelf
Addressing the HeartAppealing to ConscienceDeveloping Character
Gospel Central
G O D
I D O L S
KeyPoints: Noteverywrongisadirectrebelliontoauthority;somewrongsarethefruitofalackof
character.
Characterissuesarerootedintheworshipoftheheart.
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ReviewQuestions:1. Whodetermineswhatgoodcharacteris?Whydowerebelagainstthisstandard?
2. Whatistheconnectionbetweencharacterandworship?
DiscussionQuestions:1. Whatisrequiredtotrainourchildrenincharacter?
2. Whatquestionscanwebeaskingourchildrentorevealtheirheartanddevelopgoodcharacter?
PersonalReflection:1. Doesthedisciplineinyourhomefocusonthedevelopmentofcharacter?
2. Whatcanyoubegintodotomakecharacterdevelopmentmoreapartofyourchildstraining?
3. Sinceyouliveyourspiritualityeverymomentofeveryday,whatdoyouthinkyourchildren
are
learning
by
your
example
and
teaching?
GettingtotheHeartofyourChildren1. Askyourchild,Howdoweknowhowwearesupposedtoact?
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2. Makealistofbiblicalcharactertraitswithyourchildren. Ask,WhydoesGodwantustohavethesetraits?
3. Useanonconflicttimetodiscusscharacterissuesthatarerelevanttoyourchild.Createandthendiscussascenarioinvolvingsharingorthetemptationtolieorto
gossip,etc.
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SESSION 8: Ages 6-12: The Development of characterOpeningDiscussion:Whatsituationsorcircumstancestestyourcharacterthemost?
Notes:
Tools to Encourage Change Instruction
Correction Entreaty
Example Rebuke
Three Perspectiveson Your Child
God
Your childand himselfour child
and others
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KeyPoints: Characterdevelopmentishardwork. CharacterisbasedonarelationshipwithGod. Characterdevelopmentinachildbeginswiththeparentsowncharacter.
ReviewQuestions:1. Explainthetoolsforcharacterdevelopment?
2. Howcanweevaluatethecharacterofourchildren?
DiscussionQuestions:1. Whatistheimportanceofbeinghonestwithourselvesandtoourchildrenabout
ourownflaws?
PersonalReflection:1. Whattendstocaptureyourheartanddesires?Whatdoyouhaveatendencyto
worshipinsteadofGod?
2. DoestheBibleactasamirrorinyourlifeandcharacter?
3. Aretherethingsyoutreatasmoreimportantthancharacter? Howcanyoushiftyourprioritiessothatyourchildrenseetheimportanceofcharacter?
GettingtotheHeartofyourChildren
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1. Speaktootherswhospendtimewithyourchild. Askthemtoevaluatethecharacterofyourchild.Whatdidyoulearnaboutyourchildthatyoucouldhelpthemimprove
upon?Whatdoyouthinkishappeningathomeandinyourcharacterthathasperhaps
causedcharacterproblemsoutsidethehome?
2. EncourageandsupportyourchildtospendtimewithGodeachday.
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SESSION 9: 13-19 years of age: making values their own
OpeningDiscussion:Whataresometypicalstrugglesyouthinkteenstodayface.
Scripture: Proverbs4:7;12:1Notes:
Teenage (1319)
Central Focus:Internalization
(Living Gods Way)Decisions & ConsequencesHeart & GoalsProject Parenting
Constant ConversationLeading to Repentance
Main Tool:Decisions
andConsequences
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Dont Settlefor
Situational SolutionsandBehavioralControl!
This is a Timeof AwesomeOpportunity!
What in the Worldis a Teenager?
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Watch outfor the
of theCynicismCulture Proverbs 1-8
Typical Strugglesof Teenagers
No hunger for wisdomand correction
KeyPoints:
Allowingopportunitiesforyourchildtomakedecisionsandacceptconsequencesisatoolforcharacterdevelopment.
Therearethreetypesofrelationshipswithyourteenager:o Preventativeo Correctiveo Protective
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Thestrugglesyourteenfaceswilldeterminetheparentingopportunitiesandparentalroles.
Teensneedparentswhomakewisdomandcorrectiondesirable.ReviewQuestions:1. Whyisitimportanttogiveyourchildroomtomakehis/herowndecisionsduringthis
time?
2. Explainthedifferencebetweenapreventative,correctiveandprotectiverelationshipwithateenager.
3. Whatdoesitmeantobegoalorientedinparenting?
DiscussionQuestions:1. Whatkindsofdecisionsaregoodopportunitiesforyourchildtopracticedecision
making?
2. Whatarethechallengestocorrectingandprotectingourteens?Whataresomereasonsfortakingtheresponsibilitytocorrectandprotectthem?
3. Howshouldwepresentwisdomandcorrectiontoateenwhenhe/shedoesnotnecessarilyseekorwantit?
PersonalReflection:1. Whattypeofrelationshipdoyouhavewithyourteenagedchild?
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2. Areyouabletoprovideprotectionforyourchild?Whocanhelpyouprovideprotectionifnecessary?
3. Doesyourchildrespectyourcorrection?Whatmightyouchangesothatyourcorrectionappearsbeautiful?
GettingtotheHeartofyourChild1. Askyourchild,HowdoyoufeelwhenIamdiscipliningorcorrectingyou?Howdo
youfeelafterward? WhatdoIdothatmakesyoufeelthatway?
2. Askyourchild,IfIcouldgiveyouunderstandinginoneareaoflife,whatwoulditbe?Ifyoucangiveinsighttotheirarea,askifyoumayshareyourinsightwiththem.
3. Practicespeakingtoyourteenwithhumilityinsteadofanger,withgraceinsteadofjudgment,withmercyinsteadofcondemnation.
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SESSION 10: 13-19 years of age: making values their
own
Notes:
No hunger for wisdomand correction
Tendency towardlegalism
No hunger for wisdomand correction
Tendency towardlegalismUnwise in choiceof companions
Particularly susceptible tosexual temptation
Lack eschatological perspective
Tend to lack heart awareness
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1. HowcanwehelpourteensseethebeautyofGodsway?
2. Howcanwehelpourteenscombatthesexualtemptationsoftheculture?
3. WhatdoyouthinkyouneedfromGodtohelpyouimprovehowyouparent?
PersonalReflection:1. HowwelldoyoudoatsharingthebeautyandtruthofGodsway? Isyourteenseeking
Godandhiskingdomorisyourteenseekingworldlypleasures?Whattruthcouldyou
sharewithyourteentohelphim/herbetterunderstandthepleasuresofGods
kingdom?
2. Howdoyoufeelaboutyourteenscompanions? Isyourhomeaplacewhereyourteenwantstobringfriends?
3. Areyouhelpingyoursonordaughtertomakewisechoicesinavoidingsexualtemptationsandmakinggooddecisionsabouttheirappearanceandtheirdesires?
Gettingto
the
Heart
of
your
Child
1. AskGodtomakeyouaninstrumentofhisgraceinthelifeofyourchild.2. Spendtimewithyourchildandoneortwoofhis/herfriends. Invitethemoverorout
forsomethingtoeatortoanactivity. Gettoknowyourchildsfriends.
3. ThinkofsomethingyoufindespeciallymeaningfulaboutyourrelationshipwithGod.Shareitwithyourfamily.
4. Askyourson/daughter,Whatthingsaremostimportanttoyou?;Whatchoicesare