F P W E E K E N DNATIONAL POST, SATURDAY, DECEMBER 3, 2005 FW3
F P W O R K I N G
MIND YOUR MANNERSB Y D U N C A N M A V I N
‘He’s the host,so first of all,I insist thathe has to callor e-mail me.
He chooses the restaurant.When I get there, he’s alreadythere.” At a Bay Street restau-rant, Monique Rudder alsodemands that her lunch partnerarrive 10 minutes early, keep hiscellphone off the table and holdoff on ordering a drink until shegets there.
No, it’s not a high-mainte-nance first date. Ms. Rudder isan image consultant whosetough talk is designed to helpher corporate client hone histable manners — and bump hiscareer up the ladder.
The client is a mid-tier profes-sional who’s technically top-notch. But his boss says if hewants to reach the giddy heightsof upper management, he needsto learn how to schmooze. Likemany up-and-coming executivesof his generation, raised on TVdinners and business-casual, hefinds the formal business luncha particularly daunting 60 min-utes out of his comfort zone.
That’s where image consul-tants come in, charging up to$1,200 an hour to bankers,lawyers — anyone who relies onface-to-face contact with clientsto generate business.
At the table, Ms. Rudder, ofVida Image Consulting in Toron-to, is watching to see if herclient/host remembers to takethe lead when it comes to cru-cial questions like whether toorder alcoholic drinks and whento move from opening greetingsto choosing from the menu.
Catherine Bell, who ownsPrime Impressions, based inKingston, Ont., says etiquettemight sound like a bunch ofstuffy rules, but the most impor-tant thing is to apply those ruleswith consideration for the otherperson. She has worked withlarge accounting firms thatwant to turn techies into part-ners, entrepreneurs looking fora sales edge and students mak-ing the move into business.
Often clients hire Ms. Bell tohelp with networking skills,dress codes, sometimes evenpersonal hygiene problems. Butwith so much business beingconducted in restaurants — Ms.Bell estimates 60% to 80% of allrestaurant meals are business-related — it’s not surprising shealso gets hired to teach diningetiquette. That side of her busi-ness has increased by 50% in thepast few years. And some clientstake more work than others.
Ms. Bell remembers one se-nior manager at an internation-al financial firm. She was coach-ing him step by step throughdinner — don’t wave your breadroll around, don’t demand fromthe wait staff why your platehasn’t been cleared away. “Hewas eagerly asking questions aswe went from the table settingthrough to eating a challengingdessert with a fork and spoon,”
she says. “He simply didn’t havethe opportunity early in life tolearn the basic skills associatedwith fine dining. When we fin-ished, he thanked me and thentook his galoshes out of his woolcoat pocket to put over hisshoes. I realized that, for him,dining etiquette was only the be-ginning in the process of learn-ing proper behaviour.”
The University of Toronto’sRotman School of Managementfirst recognized eight years agothat many of its students neededa dining 101 course. That’s whenLeanne Pepper, a certified eti-quette consultant, started run-ning programs for Rotman’sMBA students, with sessions likeEffective Business Meal Tactics,Host and Guest Duties, Styles ofEating: American and Continen-tal, and Dining Dos and Don’ts.
Up to 100 students at a timeeat “a challenging meal” at theuniversity’s Faculty Club. “We doas many courses as possible. Wetry to make sure there’s soup be-cause there’s a proper way to eatsoup — you don’t pick up thebowl, you don’t start slurping,you don’t make noises. And youdon’t eat with your mouthopen.” For the pasta course, Ms.Pepper warns, “never orderspaghetti at a first meeting. Thatwould be too challenging.”
Rotman’s program has beentaken up by other universities,
major international companiesand Bay Street law firms. “I hada company contact me becausethey had held an event where alot of the senior partners wereappalled by the junior partners,”Ms. Pepper says. “Their posture,the way they handled the silver-ware — some of them used theknife like a dagger — they werejust really sloppy.”
At Ernst & Young, HR partnerKaren Wensley talks about theimportance of “executive pres-ence.” How to get your pointacross, how to walk into a roomof clients you’ve never met andhow to look engaged aren’t al-ways instinctive for today’s exec-utives. Neither is how to feelcomfortable in a restaurant,where you’re expected to join inwith small talk, juggle yourdrink, shake hands and ex-change business cards all at thesame time, says Ms. Wensley.
Hundreds of E&Y employeeshave gone through some kind of“executive presence” training.It’s designed to help them feelrelaxed around their clients —whether they’re in the office, at acocktail mixer or around thedinner table.
Dozens of higher-level em-ployees with the potential tomake partner at E&Y also get in-tensive one-on-ones, “to makesure nothing is standing in theirway,” says Ms. Wensley. “Wewouldn’t invest in every person,but if we think there’s a goodpay-off, we’d certainly do it.”
“Most people don’t distin-guish between how comfortablesomebody seems to be, and howeffective and competent theyare,” she adds. So if you look re-laxed, your client will feel youknow what you’re talking about.
That means a greater chanceof getting a promotion or even anew job, says Marilyn Eddy, a se-nior executive with recruiterLannick Associates. Ms. Eddysays it’s important to build arapport, and that means remem-bering “the little things” — mak-ing just the right amount of eyecontact, reading a business cardwhen it’s handed to you or justengaging in a little small talk be-fore cutting to the business.
“We have some candidateswho have a lot of technical clout,but they could use a makeover,”Ms. Eddy says. They don’t need apersonality overhaul, she says,but they do need to know how totalk to people in a social setting,how to initiate a conversationand how to dress to impress.“Once you polish off those roughedges,” she says, “it’s easier forpeople to connect with you.”
Back at the restaurant,Monique Rudder is testing herclient on some of the trickiestquestions on Bay Street: Do youwait if your meal arrives first?Should you order an appetizer ifthe host doesn’t? And whenshould you point out ketchup onyour dining partner’s chin? (Yes,no and always.)
Above all, she says, rememberthat eating isn’t the primary pur-pose of the meal — it’s business.
Financial Post
WARNING: Failure to master the art of dining etiquette can leave you languishing in middle management
KAGAN MCLEOD / PHOTO ILLUSTRATION
‘When we finished eating, he thanked me and took his galoshes out of his coat pocket. I realized that for him, dining etiquette was only the beginning
in learning proper behaviour.’ — Catherine Bell, etiquette consultant
Monique Rudder says most
people know the rules of busi-
ness-dining etiquette — but
it’s amazing how many forget
to follow them. Many of the
worst mistakes, she says, are
obvious things people do
without even thinking about
them.
❚ Don’t talk with your mouthfull. “Take manageable bites toavoid being caught out,” saysMs. Rudder. If you do end upwith a mouthful, it’s a cardinalsin to talk before you’ve finishedchewing.❚ Do limit use of cell phones,pagers and other electronic de-vices at the table — in fact, any-thing that makes your diningpartner uncomfortable is a bigno-no.❚ Don’t eat too quickly or too
slowly — “It’s a sign you’re not
listening or not contributingenough to the conversation,”says Ms. Rudder. “You have to beaware of the speed of other peo-ple at the table.” ❚ Do sit upright and avoidputting elbows on the table.❚ Don’t put your purse, keys,sunglasses or eyeglasses on thetable.❚ Don’t push away your bowl orplate when finished. Instead,put your knife and fork at thefive-o’clock position — the uni-versal signal for “I’m done.”
❚ Don’t chew with your mouthopen.❚ Don’t play with your hair orearrings — it looks unhygienicand can give the impression thatyou aren’t paying attention.❚ Don’t pick your teeth at thetable. But once you’ve noticedthere’s something there, saysMs. Rudder, it’s distracting forthe other person, so you shouldexcuse yourself and go to thewashroom.❚ Don’t wave knives, forks orfood in the air.
Financial Post
Etiquette consultantLeanne Pepper’s No. 1rule: Never orderspaghetti at a firstmeeting.
COLIN O'CONNOR FOR NATIONAL POST
Top 10 dos and don’ts of
business dining
CGAs prescribesuccess for Ontario’spharmaceuticalindustry.
‘‘We needed healthier.’’CGAs have the accounting andfinancial skills businesses need.Visit us at: www.cga-ontario.org.
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