Creating and Creating and Maintaining Maintaining
Positive Positive Relationships at Relationships at
WorkWork
Ideas taken from Life would be easy if it weren't for other people
One Take on the Basics of One Take on the Basics of CommunicationCommunication
Communication to Communication to achieve mutually achieve mutually satisfying solutions, satisfying solutions, honour positive honour positive relationships and foster relationships and foster respect. (assertive)respect. (assertive)
Communication that Communication that avoids confrontation, avoids confrontation, criticism and complaints criticism and complaints at all costs – tends to at all costs – tends to avoid getting involved or avoid getting involved or taking action. (passive)taking action. (passive)
Communication that Communication that uses manipulation e.g. uses manipulation e.g. whining, yelling, whining, yelling, pouting, screaming, pouting, screaming, complaining, crying, complaining, crying, getting one’s feelings getting one’s feelings hurt.hurt.
(aggressive)(aggressive)
Communication designed Communication designed to pay someone back or to pay someone back or teach someone a lesson – teach someone a lesson – avoids confrontation but avoids confrontation but uses manipulation to get uses manipulation to get eveneven
(passive-aggressive)(passive-aggressive)
Some of my best advice Some of my best advice about working in a new (to about working in a new (to
you) schoolyou) school• Observe and listen to the school culture, Observe and listen to the school culture,
reflect on what you can learn from it and reflect on what you can learn from it and how you can contributehow you can contribute
• Be willing to do more following than Be willing to do more following than leading in your first year but don’t be a leading in your first year but don’t be a leech – contribute positively to your leech – contribute positively to your environmentenvironment
• Find a colleague (it doesn’t have to be in Find a colleague (it doesn’t have to be in your school) to whom you can turn when your school) to whom you can turn when you have questions or want to reflect on you have questions or want to reflect on a situationa situation
15 Most often 15 Most often used strategies used strategies when managing when managing
situationssituations
Forewarned is forearmed- Cervantes
Knowledge is power-Francis Bacon
1. Gather Pertinent 1. Gather Pertinent InformationInformation
Fools rush in where angels fear to treadFools rush in where angels fear to tread
-Alexander Pope-Alexander Pope
Timing is everything Timing is everything
-George Burns-George Burns
2. Defer Action2. Defer Action
3. Refuse to be baited3. Refuse to be baited
It takes two to make a fightIt takes two to make a fight
-Unknown-Unknown
Fools bite one another, but wise men Fools bite one another, but wise men agree togetheragree together
-George Herbert-George Herbert
4. Compile a list of positive 4. Compile a list of positive responses to use during responses to use during
uncomfortable discussionsuncomfortable discussions
Honey catches more flies than vinegarHoney catches more flies than vinegar
-Franklin -Franklin PraimanacPraimanac
5. Learn to apologize5. Learn to apologize
It takes a big person to say “I’m It takes a big person to say “I’m sorry.”sorry.”
-Unknown-Unknown
6. Listen to body 6. Listen to body messagesmessages
Fear is the beginning of wisdomFear is the beginning of wisdom
- Unknown- Unknown
7. Develop a plan to get 7. Develop a plan to get helphelp
An ounce of prevention is worth a An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of curepound of cure - - ScammellScammell
To be prepared for war is one of the To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving most effectual means of preserving peacepeace
- George - George WashingtonWashington
8. Get a grip8. Get a grip
Think before you speakThink before you speak
- William - William ShakespeareShakespeare
9. Be selective when 9. Be selective when speakingspeaking
Don’t open a can of wormsDon’t open a can of worms
-Unknown-Unknown
10. Recognize enemies and 10. Recognize enemies and dissentersdissenters
Fool me once shame on you, fool me Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on metwice, shame on me
-Unknown-Unknown
11. Speak Softly11. Speak Softly
Speak softly and carry a big stickSpeak softly and carry a big stick
-Teddy Roosevelt-Teddy Roosevelt
12. Develop listening 12. Develop listening skillsskills
Listen, don’t just hearListen, don’t just hear
- Unknown- Unknown
13. Utilize credible 13. Utilize credible witnesseswitnesses
There is strength in numbersThere is strength in numbers
-Unknown-Unknown
14. Remain Detached14. Remain Detached
Sticks and stones may break my Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt mebones, but names will never hurt me
-Mother Goose-Mother Goose
15. Move on15. Move on
Don’t cry over split milkDon’t cry over split milk- Andrew Yamanton- Andrew Yamanton
Don’t spit into the windDon’t spit into the wind- Jim Croce- Jim Croce
Don’t let your heart rule your headDon’t let your heart rule your head-Unknown-Unknown
Red, Yellow, Green Cards
Nonviolent Nonviolent CommunicationCommunication
• Also called Compassionate Also called Compassionate Communication, Mindful Communication, Communication, Mindful Communication, Conscious Communication, Authentic Conscious Communication, Authentic Communication Communication
• The goal is to generate a climate where The goal is to generate a climate where everyone’s everyone’s needs needs can be considered can be considered equally. equally.
• Used when there is an Used when there is an intention intention to make to make a a connectionconnection..– Which means we may choose not to use it in Which means we may choose not to use it in
certain interactions. certain interactions.
Basic Premises of NVCBasic Premises of NVC• All humans have the same needs, and all we All humans have the same needs, and all we
are ever trying to do, with our words and are ever trying to do, with our words and actions, is to have those needs met. actions, is to have those needs met.
• People are fundamentally compassionate, but People are fundamentally compassionate, but we have been trained to appreciate we have been trained to appreciate “violence”.“violence”.
• Each person is responsible for their feelings, Each person is responsible for their feelings, as they are born out of their own needs. Each as they are born out of their own needs. Each person is responsible for getting their own person is responsible for getting their own needs met. needs met.
• It is possible to express ourselves It is possible to express ourselves authentically and remain respectful of others. authentically and remain respectful of others.
The NVC ProcessThe NVC Process• OBSERVATIONS OBSERVATIONS – the facts (actions, words, – the facts (actions, words,
gestures) that trigger a reaction in you. NOT gestures) that trigger a reaction in you. NOT interpretations, evaluations, labels…interpretations, evaluations, labels…
• FEELINGS FEELINGS – Your reaction to the observations – Your reaction to the observations creates feelings in you. All feelings are linked creates feelings in you. All feelings are linked to a need. to a need.
• NEEDS NEEDS - Identify the need that is linked to - Identify the need that is linked to the feeling. Needs are universal, intangible, the feeling. Needs are universal, intangible, and intrinsic. and intrinsic.
• REQUESTS REQUESTS – state how you will take charge – state how you will take charge of meeting your needs, without making of meeting your needs, without making demands. demands.
2-way Intention to 2-way Intention to ConnectConnect
Authentic Expression
Empathic Listening
I express my observation
I receive your observation
I express my feeling I receive your feeling
I express my need I receive your needI express my request
I receive your request
PracticePractice
• Visualize heading into the same old Visualize heading into the same old fight with your partner or a family fight with your partner or a family membermember
• A difficult conversation with a parent A difficult conversation with a parent of a studentof a student
• A chronic issue you have with a A chronic issue you have with a colleaguecolleague
5 steps To Poor Listening5 steps To Poor Listening
• Remember strategy 12?Remember strategy 12?• Jackpot! Read article and be ready Jackpot! Read article and be ready
to answer 5 questions about the to answer 5 questions about the articlearticle
Teaching Compulsory Courses
• Teaching compulsory courses is no different from teaching other electives.
• 4-corners: strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree
• Go to your corner and compile and chart a list of reasons, and/or examples in your group.
• Post your list, then we will all do a walk about and consider the other viewpoints.
