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Crafting Constructive Conflict:Principles and Practices
Karen L. Poulin, Ph.D.
Washington State University Extension-Clark County
Jana S. Ferris
Washington State University
Extension-Snohomish County
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Workshop Objectives
• Introduce a basic model for understanding & dealing strategically with conflict
• Explore your individual approach to conflict
• Learn & practice core skills
• Understand why efforts to deal with conflict often fail
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Exploring Assumptions About Conflict
What do you believe about conflict?
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Common Assumptions About Conflict & Alternative Views
• “Conflict can and should be avoided” Conflict is a normal part of life Conflict can be a source of creativity,
energy & learning
• “Conflict is a bad thing” Conflict in itself is neither positive or
negative Responses to conflict can be either
destructive or constructive
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Exploring Sources About Conflict
In your experiences, over what kinds of issues do people have conflict?
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Common Sources of Conflict
• Limited resources Time Money Property
• Different Values Beliefs Priorities
• Unmet basic needs Physical Psychological
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Skill Building:Identifying Source
• Large Group: brainstorm “Five Typical 4-H Conflicts”
• Within your group: determine the possible source of the conflict.
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“Getting to Yes” Basic Components of a
Constructive Process:
• Choose a general approach to problem-solving
• Take specific steps to implement the approach
• Use general principles to guide the process
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“Getting to Yes”: 3 Common Problem-Solving
Approaches
• Negotiation: Disputing parties or representatives meet face to face to resolve dispute, unassisted
• Mediation: neutral 3rd party (mediator) assists disputants or their representatives
• Consensus Decision-Making: Group process, ith or w/out assistance, collaborate to resolve
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6 Concrete Steps to Problem-Solving
• Set the stage
• Gather perspectives
• Identify interests
• Create options
• Evaluate options
• Generate agreement
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Implementing Problem-Solving: 4 Principles
• Separate people from the problem: Differentiate between relationship & substantive issues
• Focus on interests, not positions: Identify underlying motivations for what is wanted
• Invent options for mutual gain: Brainstorm without evaluating
• Use objective criteria to evaluate options: Select standards against which to evaluate options
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The Potent Role of History: The Past in the Present
• History of the situation Past critical incidents can intrude on
present Emotional reaction can retain original
intensity• Personal histories of participants Strategies learned from family-based
experiences can later be maladaptive Early traumatic experiences can trigger
response mediated by limbic system instead of frontal cortex
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Foundational Abilities for Constructive Conflict
• Perception Abilities
• Emotion Abilities
• Communication Abilities
• Creative & Critical Thinking Abilities
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Perception Abilities
• Empathy: Seeing situation as other does
• Self-Evaluation: Recognizing personal fears, style
• Suspending Judgment: Putting aside blame long enough to have an exchange of ideas
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Skill-Building: Developing Empathy through Perspective
• Choose a partner
• Each person tells partner about conflict situation they’ve experienced First tell from point of view of self Then tell from point of view of other
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Skill Building: Self-Reflection & Self-Awareness
• Complete Adult Conflict Style Inventory From your point of view From a significant other’s viewpoint
• Group results?
• Debrief: What did you find out?
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Conflict Styles: Personal Preferences
• Collaborating
• Forcing
• Compromising
• Avoiding
• Accommodating
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Another Way to Think About Response Style: The
“Getting to Yes” Model
• Soft: withdrawing, ignoring, denying, giving in
• Hard: threatening, pushing, hitting, yelling• Principled: listening, understanding,
respecting, resolving• “Soft” & “Hard” strategies yield lose-lose or
win-lose results• “Principled” strategies yield win-win results
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Emotion Abilities
• Recognizing emotions (yours & theirs)
• Vocabulary for emotions
• Dual attention to internal and external events
• Self-control to prevent over-reaction to others’ emotional outbursts
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Simple De-escalation Techniques to Balance
Emotions
• “Take a break”: Appropriate exits Inform other(s) you need break (don’t just storm
out) Let them know when you’ll be back to finish
• “Take a deep breath”: Breathing techniques Physically impossible to sustain stress response &
relaxation response at same time Diaphragmatic breathing induces relaxation
response
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Skill Building: Diaphragmatic Breathing
• While standing, place one hand on chest, one on abdomen
• Breath slowly and deeply, filling lower part of chest cavity with air
• Success indicator: As you breath, hand on chest stays still; hand on abdomen moves up and down with inhalation
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How Do
You Do
It?????
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Clarify Needs
•Substantive
•Procedural
•Psychological
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What are your Desired Outcomes?
•Which needs are threatened?
•Which needs most need to be negotiated at this time?
•Alternatives?
•What about the other person?
•What do I really want to happen?
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Safe Place to Negotiate
• Space Is the space neutral? Mutually convenient/inconvenient?
• Time Is it scheduled for a realistic time for all parties? Is there enough time to do it right?
• Ground Rules Agreed upon by all parties Sets the tone
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Communication Abilities
• Expressing emotions & wants in non-aggressive, non-inflammatory ways
• “Active” listening skills to convey accurate understanding of other’s experience
• Constructive feedback skills to work out tensions on ongoing basis
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Core Skill: Active Listening
• Listener reflects content & emotions
• Listener refrains from editorializing
• Main skills are non-verbal encouragers, summarizing, paraphrasing What I hear you saying is… If I understand you correctly… Let me see if I’m getting your point…
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Core Skill: Constructive Feedback
• Focus is on observable behaviors rather than “mindread” intentions
• Describe what was done well; give specific example
• Describe what could be done differently next time to improve; be specific; focus on what to DO rather than on what NOT to do.
• Invite reaction/response
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Skill Building: Active Listening & Constructive Feedback
• Form small groups (triads if possible)• Take turns as listener, speaker, observer• Speaker describes a memorable conflict
situation s/he experienced or observed: Be detailed; use non-inflammatory language
• Listener practices active listening• Observer offers constructive feedback to
listener re: active listening, to speaker re: language
• Large group debrief
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Problem Solving
With flexibility
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Creative & Critical Thinking Abilities
• Creative Thinking Abilities Considering the situation from several
perspectives Brainstorming “outside the box”
• Critical Thinking Abilities Recognizing underlying criteria & standards
for evaluating possibilities Establishing & applying criteria & standards
for evaluating possibilities
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Skill Building: Approaching Conflict “Creatively”
• “Multiple intelligence”: Many ways and skills for knowing
• We tend to use rationale-language based processes to deal with conflict
• Cutting edge organizations beginning to explore alternatives (e.g., team lego)
• Practice for fun: Draw “conflict”. Then, explain your drawing to your partner.
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Manage Impasse
• Go back to desired outcomes
• Check your own energy level
• Take breaks
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Why Conflict Resolution Strategies Often Fail
• Frequent emphasis on cognitive skills & processes, rush to problem-solving (rather than problem-setting through deep listening)
• Emotional/ psychological components often minimized, or avoided Variability & reality of stress/cortisol
response underestimated • Potent role of history often misjudged History of situation/problem Personal histories of participants
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Recap & Final Debriefing
What might you take away from today’s experience?
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And Last But Not Least…
Final Questions and/or Comments?
THANK YOU!