Adjusting to MarriageChapter 9
Pattern of Adjustment• Marital adjustment is the process couples use to
modify their relationship as needed throughout their married life• Maintain a high level of quality in the relationship
• Continuum represents changes in the feeling and attitudes that a couple might have about their relationship• One end is a happy, satisfying and fulfilling the other end
is unhappy, dissatisfying, unfulfilling and empty • Must move back and forth somewhere in the middle of
the continuum
Hostility• Hostility – when a couple continually argues or
quarrels without settling conflicts or agreeing on solutions • May be physically abusive• Unresolved hostility has negative effects
Concession• Concession – when one spouse gives into the
other rather than working to reach a joint agreenment
Accommodation• Accommodation – when a spouse agrees to accept
and live with his or her partner’s differences
Compromise• Compromise tends to be the most satisfying way
to resolve differences in a marriage
• Compromise is finding a solution which both agree
• This will bring the greatest satisfaction to a relationship
• Read 189-189 chart 9-1
9:2
Interpersonal Adjustments
Interpersonal Adjustments• Interpersonal adjustments – when couples learn to
adjust to each other’s differneces
Thinking of WE Instead of ME• Pair adjustment – when couples adjust their
individual lifestyles to have a satisfying life together
• If a spouse sticks to a ME attitude, hostility can increase
Accepting Habits• No one is perfect• It is normal for a few of your habits to irritate your
spouse and so of their habits irritate you
Showing Appreciation • Praise, sincere compliments and thoughtfulness• Both verbal and nonverbal • When the couples shows appreciation for each
other quality of their relationship increase
Keeping Communication Lines Open• Open and honest communication needs to take
place often in a marriage
• Use the sandwich approach which is putting a negative comment between two positive comments
Revolving Conflicts• Easier to handle when they come up• Identify possible solutions• Discuss them• Choose one
Use Problem-Solving Skills• Each stage of the problem-solving process, you
may need to negotiate• You must listen to each other’s opinions and considering
the views
Staying Actively Involved with Each Other• Active Versus Passive Interaction
• Active interaction involves physical and verbal exchange between two people who are doing something together
• Passive interaction – involved only as an observer or listening such as watching television or reading books
Meeting Emotional Needs• The Need to Be Loved• The primary emotional need met in marriage is the need
to love and to be loved
• The Need for Respect and Self Actualization • The need for respect and acceptance is met when your
spouse makes your feel that you are important part of his or her life
Keeping Balance in the Relationship • Balance is maintained when both spouses work to
contribute fully to the relationship
Adjusting to Marital Roles • Marital roles carries certain responsibilities and
expectations• Spouse, friend, wage, earner, cook, caregiver or
housekeeper
• Keeping a cooperative Attitude
• Periodic Evaluation
9:3
Adapting to Financial and Social Changes
Financial Adjustments • Different views about money management can be
a major source of conflict in a marriage• After marriage both partners are responsible for the family
finances• A couple should jointly manage their money, this provides
accountabity
Social Adjustments • After marriage, the couple needs to establish their
pair identity and grow as an independent unit• They will make decisions based on discussion
between the two of them• If they make a mistake they must learn from it
and go on• Family and friends can be supportive and offer
encouragement but they also need independence for their relationship to grow
Relating to Family• A couple’s marriage joins two families.
• The marital relationship improves when good relationships are maintained with family members
Keeping Family Counsel in Perspective • Listen to family suggestions and advice but needs
to be firm in making their own decisions
• Supporting Parent in Their Adjustment• This can be hard if they are accustomed to being heavily
involved in their children's decisions.
Adjusting Friendships• A strong network of mutual friends can add to the
quality of a marriage• Share in hard times• Good friends can strengthen a marital relatinship
Adjusting to a New Community • Substitute Family – a group of nonrelatives who
encourage or help you in a way that family members would if they were present
Marriage Enrichment Programs• Marriage Enrichment Programs – programs
sponsored by community service agencies or religious or educational groups to help couples strengthen their marriages
• Couples should chose a program designed for their particular need
Marriage Counseling • Marriage Counseling – meeting with a professional
to try to improve a couple’s relationship
• When looking for a marriage counselor• Seek a qualified, licensed counselor• Check the program’s purpose and cost as well as the
counselor’s qualifications