Transcript
Page 1: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

by Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesiswww.FinishYourThesis.com

Welcome!

How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

Page 2: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

Bachelor’s Chemical Engineering (MIT)

Ph.D. in Biological Engineering (MIT)

Senior Scientist in pharmaceutical industry

Thesis and career coach since 2009

Creator of online “Finish Your Thesis” Program

My Background

Page 3: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

Part I: Assertive, Open Communication

Page 4: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● What is assertive communication?● Why assertiveness is essential life skill● Three-part method to become more assertive● Assess your own assertiveness skills

Part I: Assertive, Open Communication

Page 5: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with

Difficult People

Page 6: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● Types of difficult people● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people● Explore how working with difficult people has affected

your performance● How to avoid common communication mistakes

Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with

Difficult People

Page 7: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

{ }1 Assertive, Open

Communication Skills

Page 8: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● What is assertive communication?● Why assertiveness is essential life skills● Three-part method to become assertive, examples● Assess your own assertiveness skills

Part I: Assertive, Open Communication

Page 9: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

Assertiveness is the Basis of Effective Communication Skills

What is Assertive Communication?

Page 10: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

“ASSERTIVENESS IS THE QUALITY OF BEING

CONFIDENT WITHOUT BEING AGGRESSIVE ”

Page 11: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• Passive people:o Like to please otherso Avoid conflict, even at a cost to their work/health

• Aggressive people:o Only focused on their own goalso Do not have consideration for other people’s needs

Passive vs. Aggressive Behavior

Page 12: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

Both passive and aggressive behavior leads to frustration and jeopardizes relationships

Page 13: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

Assertive People Express Their Ideas and Take

The Needs of Others into Consideration

Page 14: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• Are you intimidated by the thought of causing conflict?

• Are you uncomfortable with giving or receiving criticism?

• Do you spend time roaming over past conflicts?

• Are you anxious about potential conflicts in the future?

Our self-confidence is strongly influenced by how we stand up for ourselves and the respect we get from others

How Do You Know Whether You Are Assertive?

Page 15: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● What is assertive communication?● Why assertiveness is essential life skills● Three-part method to become assertive, examples● Assess your own assertiveness skills

Part I: Assertive, Open Communication

Page 16: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

Research is Not a Solitary Endeavor

Page 17: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• In Academia:o Supervisor, group members, collaborators

• In Industry:Supervisor, coworkers, project team

members, outside collaborators

Your Success at Work Will Depend Highly on

How Well You Work in Teams

Page 18: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

“ASSERTIVENESS WILL STRENGTHEN YOUR

PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIPS ”

Page 19: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

Assertive communication skills will help you to:• Express your ideas with confidence• Gain respect from others• Advance your career• Simplify your life

• Assertiveness will help you to ask for help with confidence, and get the guidance you need

Assertiveness is an Essential Life Skill

Page 20: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● What is assertive communication?● Why assertiveness is essential life skills● Three-part method to become assertive, examples● Assess your own assertiveness skills

Part I: Assertive, Open Communication

Page 21: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

Three-Step Method for Assertive Communication

Page 22: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• Be clear about your own ideas and needs

• Listen to the other person to understand their viewpoint

• Be open to alternative solutions that benefit everyone

• Stick to the facts, leave emotions out of discussions

• Sometimes you can agree to disagree

Qualities of Assertive Communication

Page 23: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• Many students tend to be passive

• It can be intimidating to speak up to a professor

• “What will they think if I express my ideas?”

• “What if what I say does not make sense?”

• “Will my professor be angry if I disagree?”

Assertiveness Might Be Challenging at First

Page 24: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• State the facts

• Clarify your thoughts about the situation and why it bothers you

• Explain your goals and how you would like the problem to be resolved

Adapted from “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie

Three-step Method of Assertive Communication

Page 25: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• Situation: you recently sent your supervisor a draft of a paper, and he wants you to add a section that you think is unnecessaryo Requires more data collectionso Delays the publication of your paper

Case Study:

Discussing corrections to a manuscript

Page 26: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• Request a time to meet in person/phone/email

• Mention that you would like discuss paper

• Do not discuss sensitive issues over email

• Always assume that other person is reasonable

Assertive Approach to Resolving Problem

Page 27: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• Set up a clear agendao Corrections to manuscripto Why you think the additional section is

beyond scope of paper

• Brainstorm about possible solutions if supervisor wants you to add section

Preparing for Meeting

Page 28: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• State Facts: You would like to discuss corrections to paper

• Clarify: You do not think this additional section is needed, and give reasons

• Explain how you would like it to be resolved:o Include data in another papero Share responsibility with another student

During Meeting Use

Three-step Process:

Page 29: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• If there is a disagreement let supervisor talk first• Be open to your supervisor’s viewpoint• Ask questions to:

o Make sure that you understand their opinionso Get feedback on alternative solutions

• If you cannot agree, setup a future meetingo More time to researcho Discuss situation with group members

Prepare Yourself for Disagreements

Page 30: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• Practice open communication

• Get support from supervisor if you are stuck and cannot resolve problems on your own.

• With more experience, you will become more confident and assertive - gain respect from others

You Will Learn to Become More Assertive with

Practice

Page 31: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● What is assertive communication?● Why assertiveness is essential life skills● Three-part method to become assertive, examples● Assess your own assertiveness skills

Part I: Assertive, Open Communication

Page 32: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

{ }2 Strategies to Deal with

Difficult People

Page 33: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

How Do You Cope With Difficult People?

Page 34: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● Types of difficult people● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people● Explore how working with difficult people has affected

your performance● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses● Common communication mistakes

Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with

Difficult People

Page 35: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

1) Hostile-Aggressives,2) Complainers,3) Silent-Unresponsives,4) Super-Agreeables,5) Negativists,6) Know-It-Alls (Bulldozers and Balloons), and7) Indecisives.8) Extremely Hands-Off (or Super-Busy types), and9) Excessively Hands-On (Micromanagers).

Based on ”Coping with Difficult People” by Robert Branson

Types of Difficult People

Page 36: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● Types of difficult people● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people● Explore how working with difficult people has affected

your performance● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses● Common communication mistakes

Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with

Difficult People

Page 37: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

1) Hostile-Aggressives,2) Complainers,3) Silent-Unresponsives,4) Super-Agreeables,5) Negativists,6) Know-It-Alls, and7) Indecisives8) Extremely Hands-Off (or Super-Busy types), and9) Excessively Hands-On (Micromanagers).

Types of Negative People I will Cover

Page 38: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• Notoriously antagonistic and impolite.• Confrontational• Raise their voice, use strong language• Crush all your ideas• Try to make you feel like a “fool”

Hostile-Aggressives: Characteristics

Page 39: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

• Do not get emotional if they try to humiliate you• Let them calm down, acknowledge their opinions• Direct the conversation towards solving problems.

How Do you Deal with Hostile-Aggressives?

Page 40: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• Very friendly• Tell you all the things you want to hear • Make empty promises• They do not follow through on assignments• Great at making excuses

Super-Agreeables: Characteristics

Page 41: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• Do not rely on super-agreeables to help you with your work.

• Complete as much of the work as you can on your own• Make it easy for them to do their part• If you need letters of recommendation, write an outline to

make it easier for your thesis supervisor to support you

How Do you Deal with Super-Friendly People?

Page 42: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

Indecisives

Page 43: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• Hesitant about making any decisions• Swayed easily by new data/opinions• As soon progress is made, dissertation is changed • Frequently perfectionists• Frustrating to students/employees because they can hold

up progress

Indecisives: Characteristics

Page 44: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• Take leadership of your end of project• Emphasizing the advantages of one particular project.• Be assertive about your ideas• Find out their reasons for being indecisive• Get support from other coworkers, professors etc.• Let your indecisive boss know about any decisions you

make and why

How Do you Deal with Indecisives?

Page 45: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

1) Hostile-Aggressives,2) Complainers,3) Silent-Unresponsives,4) Super-Agreeables,5) Negativists,6) Know-It-Alls, and7) Indecisives8) Extremely Hands-Off (or Super-Busy types), and9) Excessively Hands-On (Micromanagers).

Types of Negative People I will Cover

Page 46: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• They give you too much attention• Question every detail of your project, work habits• Expect you to be working around the clock• Call you after hours

Excessively Hands-on Micromanagers

Page 47: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• Set boundaries: work hours, scope of project• Be assertive about why you want to set boundries• Get important agreements in writing• Keep your supervisor informed of progress

How Do you Deal with Micromanagers?

Page 48: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● Types of difficult people● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people● Explore how working with difficult people has affected

your performance● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses

Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with

Difficult People

Page 49: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● Types of difficult people● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people● Explore how working with difficult people has affected

your performance● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses

Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with

Difficult People

Page 50: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● Understand your supervisor’s expectations● Prepare a clear agenda for every meeting● Explain the problem and stick to the facts● Define how you would like the problem to be solved● Listen to your supervisor viewpoint● Get important agreements in writing● Always follow through on your end of the deal

7 Steps to Resolving Conflicts

Page 51: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● Always assume that the person you are dealing with is reasonable and will respond well if you communicate assertively.● Everyone is difficult sometimes● Truly difficult people have chronic bad habits that

make them difficult to work with

Rule #1

Page 52: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

“Rule #2: Difficult people respond to

assertiveness, but you need to be more persistent

to get your point across

Page 53: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● Do not take difficult people personally○ Difficult people are difficult with everyone ○ “No one can make you feel inferior without your

consent.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

Rule #3

Page 54: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● Types of difficult people● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people● Explore how working with difficult people has affected

your performance● Common communication mistakes

Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with

Difficult People

Page 55: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

What is the Biggest Communication Mistake?

Page 56: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

The Biggest Communication Mistake is Lack of

Communication

Page 57: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

Lack of Communication Can Lead to • Incorrect Assumptions: “But I thought you meant…”• Missed MilestonesAcademia:• Delay graduation date, • Disagreements or delays in publicationsIndustry: • Wasted effort on project, • Falling behind on project milestones,• Reduced performance, • Poor group dynamics

Page 58: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming

Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.

Other Communication Mistakes

Page 59: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You.● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming

Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.

Biggest Communication Mistakes

Page 60: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● This assumption can lead to a passive attitude● It is possible for two people to disagree, yet maintain a

collegial relationship● Your goal is to build professional relationships● Professors have more respect for students who have the

courage to express their opinions● Use three-part assertiveness technique to resolve

disagreements without jeopardizing your relationship

“If I Disagree With Someone They Will

Dislike Me”

Page 61: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You.● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming

Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.

Biggest Communication Mistakes

Page 62: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● Your thesis is one of a 100 things on your professor’s list

● Finishing your thesis is your responsibility● If you have a problem or feel stuck:

○ Think of solutions before talking to supervisor○ Make it easy for your supervisor to support

you

Expecting Advisor to Solve Problems For You

Page 63: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming

Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.

Other Communication Mistakes

Page 64: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

Giving and Receiving Criticism

Page 65: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● Receiving Criticism○ Resist urge to become defensive○ Do not “screen out” positive○ Ask questions to clarify criticism

● Giving Criticism○ Stick to the facts - know your facts○ Leave emotions out of discussion○ Propose plausible solutions

● Criticism vs. Constructive Feedback

Giving and Receiving Criticism

Page 66: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You.● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming

Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.

Biggest Communication Mistakes

Page 67: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● Email can lead to misunderstanding because you cannot sense tone or see body language

● Use email to:○ Send documents, information○ Request time to meet

● Avoid:○ Taking a stance on a sensitive issue or ○ Jumping to conclusions in your email○ Overanalyzing an email message

Do Not Discuss Sensitive Issues Over Email

Page 68: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

● Only a small percentage of population is truly difficult● Most people respond well to assertive communication● Graduate school is a great learning opportunity to

develop assertive communication● Many jobs in academia/industry require teamwork● PhDs are usually in leadership positions and need to

manage different personality types● By resolving the challenges you face in academia you

are well-equipped to resolve conflicts in your career

Good News

Page 69: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

THANK YOU

www.finishyourthesis.com/program/

Page 70: By Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesis  Welcome! How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers

• How to set yourself up for success in graduate school• Strategies to communicate assertively with supervisor• Tips to maintain high level of productivity• The 10 most common mistakes graduate students make• The top 12 tips to help you finish your thesis and

graduate.

Free Copy of

“Secrets to Success in Graduate School”


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