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The Annals Of
Brown Torpedo
Volume One:
Homonymic Mondegreen
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My political leanings have no meaning
I am more into dreaming
Than having real eelings
So accepting o my lack o incepting
That I am always expecting to be ineective
Underestimate the power o one
Be victim to your own action
Which is maximum distractionMinimum attention
No mention o contribution
Which is reusing
To be involved
Which is how I evolved
Dont do what I am toldWill not be controlled
Rebel without a soul
Actor without a role
A vote without a poll
The archetypal representative o western averageOne step up rom being a savage
Because I use language
To justiy my lack o achievement i or no other reason
Than not having anything to believe in
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The Annals Of Brown Torpedo
Volume One
page 4 - part i
PERFORMANCE WHILST YOU WAIT
page 6 - part iiTHE AURAL ANATOMY OF
THOUGHT BUBBLES
page 8 - part iii
MATALAN ICERINK
page 11 - part iv
INARTICULATE AESTHETIC CHAFFING
page 14 - part v
PINEAL REVERIE(THE KRILL OF PERSISTENT TRUTH)
page 18 - part vi
TO EVINCE FRANGIBLE LACUNA
Contents 3.
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Part I:
Performance Whilst
You Wait
Itwa rapidly ned ha he aked and cry ara-linen henenlighened were evapraing a a rae which le le han
pleaed. A parial eam rm he wh had n evacaed, deeaed
by cnin and hngry r hddled warmh amng Anarcic
dmbwi. Bili kele mke, b lile cndenain rhwih
mind-ear r he e in which merrily dab. I ndeniably
and climacically n-ale ha a mi e can herald many a jy.
Hwever, cain i ernly advied, trped brehren, a ngal
inecin can pread a a m virile rae, pariclarly whil he
p hal i in wraih painae rmpe.
the inviible and ineecaliy weny year raining rg, walile mre han a hell ridden ignp ha nhing imply had
be n dne. Like cling lm he lcal prdce tdmrden,
he Meer trped, cmpreed vice like a crril amn
vilen nn-exien carbn, and cnrced diamnd ciie,
bweldm in carca. Willie and gin.
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Frhwih hen, he clamred apprach he ne hey called the
Grbble. N mh mvemen air widdled, he pkeh hrgh
Vileda. Bcke deph in rh, dripping wih inenin. Mp
handle erec and prpel. A mighy remr h did mighily
rem. And decraive plae dideh alleh rm heir and and
maheh gle redndan. the naiacry ware Reader
Dige wa cred and a re maerpiece inanly birhed rm
a pidery peck he Kailar and a mrnme hwl in he
echey rm cnrapin. Renance r en, yng trpedin. A
brly genei - like he nahmable crh a galacic Black Hle
prjeced in a brave new he. A Brwn Hle.
A Brwn Hle phing rh New Frm.
An Immaterial Shame
Buttocks like big boiled eggs
Boobs that bounce with abounding bliss
Legs like bendy celery
Teeth like clone graves
Feet like an amusing village ete contest
Pastry cutter eyes
Ears like symmetrical oal
Glistening gristle weaved by a nomad expert
Performance Whilst You Wait 5.
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Part II:
The Aural Anatomy
Of Thought Bubbles
CoNstRuCtING a rangreive arrm circmnavigae he pddle cnveninal idelgie, new wave
widm had faed inviibly pa he eye and cnined be
n mre han a cenle g in he negleced air ignrance.
Wih he cnan ream ilence blaring rm he peaker
enemy ank n ne had heard i cming. the pragni
hi kichen-ink drama had been he grey ghing he cnra.
N everyhing in black and whie i black and whie. Whil he
ppreed and fmmxed fibberigibbe hewie ighened her
aprn ring and he machied machim men verpwered
he ambiin her eminine wile, i wa he ced knee he
fa-capped child, -aked and nave ha enqired ab henew era wl plling. Hi eye were cvered b he wax-
ree ear dicn he mqi diracing reqency, which
inadverenly became revealing inead cncealing. the
inexperienced limb rging yh plgh hrgh he ield
nchared land wih ear b wih anxiey-elled exciemen
and a willingne embrace he knwn, he nknwn, he
knwn nknwn and he nknwn nknwn...
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scribe wld le ink pr pn he phyical page and inrmain
wld cllae in a ma maniplaed ex. Malici wa n
he inen b a he year vanihed in he brwn ain dg-
eared paper abrbing knwledge wih n nderanding wrh,
realiy diappeared becming hiry cned wih ac. only he
bliminal cld be a hne a he inceriy we reqeed rm a
civilied ciey b eeing i believing and n ne can ee hing
ha nly have renance and aral preence...
A war cndiin i e a ide ppe, even i hey cann che
a ide. Each deciin belng iel and he nly willing pracice
an apprenice meiah i deermine righ and rh. Pwer
nd i real rengh in awarene weakne and penne
mind. the r re ward breviy langage and exprein
i he rival nderanding and vcablary. only wih he rebirh nrepenan rce and deerminain can wrd illrae a
landcape abve explanain b ill pell he qein we
have never ried anwer.
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Part III:
Matalan Icerink
GuNKYand wiled, wih he fa cap rendered incnvenienlyhapele via he la hadrn-amp an verized orwellian b,
he grizzled man-child callly bbed, nding like bird eed i
bird eed cld alk. Hnched ver and dbbed the De-e, hi
rained rame rembled a i beaen dwn by a hand rzen
alami. Vigred and alle.
I am n hinning he pa hrgh gried eye and clenched
nril. sme my hair... ...i inviible.
YouR RECuRRING tHEME oF INVIsIBILItY Is LAZY
harhly cmmanded he laex prer, leg ldered he hey
b like a leg in a b.
I beggar he nderanding rhwih ha y are n enirely
100% dwn wih he ne-rped cr, hlme, r yr rh n
ncleae le anaical. In her wrd, y ir, are a gna.
Wache pped, ap ceaed drip and Plmber didn have
wrry ab being lae. Like a weak bladder in a Gimble changing
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9/24Matalan Icerink 9.
rm, an awkward ilence beell he land, llwed nly by an ahamed
cfe, mmbling and lavary bnd.
skyward creen fickered, and bellwed rh dcmenarie wih
whing nie beween he c. one way cnan re-edcain
rained dwn. Lving male parner r lie inanly maerialied nex
kag elled ingle mher, rraed n rack marked wri
haken angrily a cned b ding ace, a a new nd lack
bene and hing man ab mean ha heir belligeren wihe
had been graned by he grea cncil. B I dn wan be happy
hey aid. t lae came he reply, and neral plan were cancelled,
receip r Lambrini crnlly hed he carrier bag being ed
r he baby nappy.
Play by he rle, herwie we will re-brand r helplne
B ha bring
AUTHORS NOTE:
Now, in the ancient texts, this was very much the dawn o the golden cals
mini milk. Merely cheap imposters esh-lighting at the mirror, neither
administrator nor reection could see it coming. A Seriously Strong spreadable
cheese microwaved into a delicious sauce. A bird, realising it didnt need its
wings to y and that he should have listened to the bumble bees long ago.
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As the towel covering the modest myths that surround us, drop beore
our morbidly curious eyes, we are orced to blush upon the sight o the
swelled and veiny questions hidden amongst the matted hair and
dried semen.
Who taught the teachers who taught us? How can we trust how we are
raised, when history books are being re-written in plain view, only to
be doused in Coca-cola and Mineral Water, ed to a starving celebrity,
desperate to Get Out O Here via the anus o a Bison?
It is Then. And Only Then, that the Annals o Roy Chubby Brown
Torpedo could ever signifsize, like a Super-Jesus Vs Mecha-Muhammad,
violently careering across the skyline like a meteorite ater John Cusack,
and into the consciousness o the populous, via the medium o second
wave trip-hop and dadaist electro-jazz like a cyanide sesame seed in acarrot stick happy meal.
I will stand tall and denounce the betrayal set upon the lemmings.
I will dance around the opiate fre and exhale the icy umes o
reverse lies.
Let us squat, and birth a Brown Torpedo o tectonic proportions,
the impact o which will be smelt or eons.
- Brown Torpedos Ode To Motivation
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Part IV:
Inarticulate Aesthetic
Chaffing
tHEari qarer in Pari nd iel vicim pplar appealdring he cncepin. the rich, he bred and he made ari
fcked here, krill glped whle in he whale hra grve.
Nw peple reer i a Bredex r i lack an exciing bzz.
I imlae a capaci cpbard r harding crap idea nil y
ree he waed reched-wven abric and depic an emin y
acally el. thi phe he ndergrnd rher ndergrnd.the cene becme deep engh have cnnain ha nly
appeal he idea hemelve, he implicain nly inerpreed
by wrngly inerpreing a dieren meaning ha inended. s
bried are he prveyr he new ha everyhing i ld by he
ime i reache he race. they are cpying heir wn idea andhen dicarding hem a ncanny rgerie an ariic mvemen
ill in geain...
the real creaive egregae hemelve pare new, eld
reh hgh, ree prce criicied by berver and
nn-paricipan. thi i why ari are drawn inpirainal
lcain. the Crnih Paiche mvemen, Neherlandih in
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rigin, rerrec he dne b cnex. I e he bvi
abe he rreal. Bee Mountain, by early Dch pineer
X Inidi, haped c mea in vagina acked like breaka
pancake, hen cerced peple in ngering he mnd. thi
wa refecive he nging cale rape and lagher in Bavaria,
which had reled in expr being aly r cnmpin.
A meay mnlihic rcre merging mankind, ex, d and
indrialiain and rcing acknwledge he rle we all
played in raping he earh i inncence. A cra idea, b
nnehele cnrverial and prvcaive. the bee preervedwell a a medim r clpre. oher idea manieed in acin
perrmed in rdinary lie, bringing he rn ingrained aide
ha inadverenly hreaen r reedm...
Extract from Baby Snatch
by The Italia Botulin Rehearsal Group...
I tend to travel naked. It draws attention but also enables me to
illustrate the derisive attitude toward our natural state. So immersed in
the common ideals o a culture orced upon us by conservative cranks
and upper-class introversion, that expression is brick walled in by
an inherent intransigence. We believe we are wrong even when it is
subjective. I should not be adverse to the dangling genitalia o strange
men or eel compelled to bu the used seat o a naked passenger on
public transport. Hygiene is overrated. It only allows bacteria to mutate
into more powerul strains to combat more powerul disinectants, this
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13/24Inarticulate Aesthetic Chaffing 13.
has lead to a weakened immune system due to insufcient exposure
bacterium. Humans have become allergic to everything, even placebos.
With bacteria acting on a simple set o rules, it becomes another war we
are fghting that can never conceivable be won. Our complexities are our
enemy. Thought is the barrier o action. I am naked and do not think
about it.
t live he experience b avid he preenin rying bepar he cene i a rean r i mvemen and limaely i
dbi wrh. When a clral rm becme el-reerenial he
nex ep i irrelevance. I wa Pari and i pplariy amng
he inelligenia ha reled in lcain becming irrelevan.
A predeermined lcain creaed a cene. the cene exiedwihin bndarie an exclive caliin. thgh ceaed be
independen r a lea ained wih he cnne a mvemen.
the meage wa everyhing. the medim j needed make i
aracive abrb. Mical peacck plmage. the cmpnen
had evlved b he beginning wa ill a agnan pl bere
he well wld pr ver he edge and he weigh wld be
grndbreaking.
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Part V:
Pineal Reverie(The Krill Of Persistent Truth)
When asked about the most positive things which came about as a result
o Americas involvement in the space race, most scientists agree that itwas neither the advances in engineering or rocket design nor even the
discoveries about the geological ormations on the moon.
It was rather the discovery o a cure or smallpox, which came about as a
result o research into how to keep the astronauts sae rom any diseases
they might encounter in space - Paul McKenna
Itwa he applied prere ha napped he ile brh weenhk ne and hk w. Bh nw ele, nle j a ned
jckey riding bareback and bllck--he-wind n a pygmy. Never
he brhe age rae, nr he qaliy ch a dicn range wa
he qein. N b he indrial heavy crbbing, anding
he prcelain blemih wih mighy vigr.
Never ne keep a pare; a be een prchaing a d may cen
he imprein ha he a cleaner (and n he cleane).
A cmmner perme weay mea.
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Wld i n be beer harne he diem, and abrb he
pprniie ch an enlighened rped cld mer pe
a w brh? Piively. Imagine a handle hrrr, bere hk
and ynheic, nly a grndling diry imaginain wld cnider
hee a dmeic brill wielder. scieie relcance expli he
igma rrnding he diabled i cra.
I i nly aer decalciying he pineal gland ha we can whine by
he dr, ling r maer in believing we wan a wee wee
and n a bin ni. Fr maximm pency, we m all learn harmnily vibrae r ndle geher - a pengin hddle
hare heir warmh. unrnaely, he va majriy pengin
are ignran reard. they will never accep hey are able ly
n maer hw mch krill perien rh i ed dwn
heir glle.
I i nly when he blind pengin eel he we drpping an
airbrne pengin pa dwn pn i crwn, will i hen prie i
eye awake and cre he wh edced i eyelid in being ch
ar den.
tn pn n trh Krill are wannly, nhinkingly digeed
and ha wih bili diregard in a wrld wih n exce.
Every ahmable nan-ecnd r cnci live, alernaive
rce trh Krill are qawked and pa a hrgh hiing
beak by blindlded mrn, while he chewy fride prceed
krill nder he air rade gie i ewn geher by i n mille
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in he lwlie regin Mepamia and qeezed mind-ward
rm he nip a crrp elie.
Brwn trped er rh hi mediaive manra which may
aid yr pernal cnqe, when adped in yr wn pineal
awakening rial:
Prayer For De-evolution
Oh oul oppressors, as you read our acebooks and seal shut our thirdeyes, when the skies ill with zombie dust and your own sel importance,
our coated throats may do little more than pip and croak broken
melodies o remorseul sorrow towards your betrayal. When you have
successully engineered your own undying, ininite vessels, and set
about exploring the galaxies in search o unimaginable bliss, remember
that the only thing as ar-reaching and constant as yourselves is your
own ability or scheming corruption and greed. The tears o a loveless
Accounts Manager, and his deep unrest caused by the subconscious
desire to swing in the lush green rainorests, shitting and masturbating
in public without ear o social reprimand.
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New World Hors Doeuvres
Microchip whips, new age pyramidsTap water sips, mind control drinks
Theres oil in my sink
This weathers a bit shit
Who are those guys behind where the Prime Minister sits?
And what is he saying? Chemical spraying?
A Hollywood Blockbuster based on The Mayans?
Where are my brains? Untitled Nations?
No, United Nations... Synthetic Bacon.
The sun-rays are baking, the ozone is breaking.
Even the planets behind us are taking a shaking.
Religion is wasting our chances o changing,
Its a conusing caging the aceless have phased in.
The problems in their solutions
Cause the eects really gruesome
Customised history, disguised lies o hal truths
Fathomless Annals, a damned indierent animal.
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Part VI:
To Evince Frangible
Lacuna
Bloop, Blip, Bloop, Blap
- Audio extract from transmission intercepted by satellite...
Origin unknown
tHErevelain relcance cmmnicae wa an n haell pn panjandrm. Explrain had ncvered nhing b
mre be explained, nil he nd rebnded arnd he phere he Earh. thi wa n a phyical rebnding b a meaphr
illrae he magnide i impac. only pradic meage were
heard iniially. the high-piched qeal and haned head eche
he adi appariin. the call wld chae he liener, a ae
i alway he ineviable cme n maer he er gh again
i. then when heir aheniciy wa realized cmmnicain
became reqen. A barrage ign and ignal ried cnvince
he wrld ha hey had lien, alway via he ame channel.
the Receiver were generally chen becae heir weakne.
the eleced were veel allwed exi r he prpe he
h. Inelligence wa nw a eparae eniy he enien being
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19/24To Evince Frangible Lacuna 19.
ha had encaed i pwer previly. the l nally raced,
b nly year aer hmankind cld dimn he high chair
peririy. the ar hi pirial revlin wa lined wih
diaer and ale beginning b nce he realiy he perf
diracin he lae wenieh cenry had been niverally
derided he pecie were nchained rm ciey and i arreed
develpmen.
unrivalled pidiy wa a gd indicain a weak and eaily
maniplaed mind. Fir he Receiver wld hear vice,
meime miinerpreed a he vice Gd r an apprpriae
deiy. obvily hi wa an bacle, he chen were nw
mcked and dicredied, eablihed civilizain cld n hrdle.
unrnaely, even me he brigher Receiver cld n
diingih beween he realiy wha wa happening and hepenial inaniy ha marred he inceriy.
Brown Aubade
Weetabix give me the shits
and muesli doesnt amuse me
Cornakes cause belly aches
Lucky Charms just conuse me
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Transcript of interview recorded during the Neurolinguistics
Research Project (The names o the participant are restricted to
Level 3 security access only. Please reer to your manual):
Interviewer: What was the frst thing they asked you to do?
Interviewee: I couldnt understand them at frst; it was gobbledygook,
a series o nonsense words and sounds.
Interviewer: When did this change?
Interviewee: Well, it is not so much that it changed. I just started to
understand what they meant.
Interviewer: So, it was the same language but you were able to
interpret the message?
Interviewee: No, it was more like I was saying it and I knew exactly
what I would be trying to say... (pause) ...because it was me trying to
say it.
Interviewer: They were your thoughts? Just in another language?
Interviewee: No, it was like someone elses thoughts. I just agreedwith them.
Interviewer: Give me an example.
Interviewee: Erm..Well, we have been here or many millions
o years... (pause) ...We are part o the evolution o intelligent lie
on Earth. We have integrated inconspicuously. We are separated by
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21/24To Evince Frangible Lacuna 21.
unwillingness to open our minds. First contact has been attempted. You
are blinded by your own machination. Your ear o social disintegration
and chaos is our arch rival...
Interviewer begins to cry. Tape ends.
Cmmnicain wa eenially he nly way nd preence
exienially. Realim cnnded by inience n a parallel
alernaive. the earch wa ile, b all dicverie are brn rm
he bbrnne deerminain. once egregaed and banihed
a eclded lcain he jrney inclin began. the piive
inenin and aihl righene enabled hem peri
nperrbed.
the reiance el when arm are pen welcme he new, wa
he ame a he ld man l r a yng bdy. t replace ne
wn wa in denial mraliy, akin regre r n accmplihing
he level aiacin placed pn neel. t eel yng again
hrgh relaiviy and aciain wa in cnfic wih repec
rm peer and generainal dierence. t have bh hee deirecmbine and pirially be rebrn in eence he ame. Inheri he
pwer cnrl he veel whil nly mainaining he cnci
rle h a an elabraely cnrced maqerade ball. the
grp had accep and remain independen in i ndain r
wa merely eparain r an nnded rean. tlerance becme
he nly re harmny.
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I i eay deny he pibiliy an alernaive lie r exience,
pariclarly wih live r exiing pr. sadly, we have
becme relian n expecain develped accrding r wn
cial, echnlgical and pychlgical prcee and chling.
Expecain which are a individal a he neighbr y can
hear hrwing kele a each her.
Even Lie Iel i dened and clpred by rai ha have
be aimilaed he mankind gily beaing a bldy minded
pah blindlded. Deah i a cncepal, and mre impranly,
contractual agreemen ha nly prve here i mehing dieren
he Lie Iel a we knw i. one walk naware he
her, b cerainly n naided.
Deah may be a lie aer lie, b maybe n he aerlie.
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23/24The Annals Of Brown Torpedo Volume One: Homonymic Mondegreen 23.
Automatic Night-In
Balearic Nun.
Photosynthesis.
Randy Development.Dubstep Umpah.
Sponge Christ.
Gay Ogre.
Minty Freshness.
Lovely Vinegar.
Friendly Tonsils.
Boring Excitement.
Ham-fsted tenderness.
Top 40 Beethoven.
Amusing T-shirt Slogan.
Twat Massacre.
Nuclear Bleach.
Giant Haddock.
Relevant Sob.
The Chub-Fingered Neediness O A Wheeled Honk-Mariner.
Grisly Meat Hook Mobile.
Damiens Cot.
Windpipe Frotage.
Bleating Grandma.Sirens To Silence.
Stained Grit, Stinky Mop.
Cobwebbed Anus.
Mothball Wallet.
Charitys Tragedy.
Millionaire Homeless.Stied Mucas, Hidden Dragon.
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