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The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children
Janet Romero
Pacific Oaks College
Professor Jessica Schulte
October 6, 2014
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Abstract
Domestic violence has been a problem in the lives of children. Children observing their
mother or father disputing can have a major impact on their life. According to Lynda Warren
Dodd (2009), “Domestic Violence is continued behavior ranging from verbal abuse, threats,
intimidation, manipulation, physical abuse, sexual assault, rape and even homicide. This violence
occurs regardless of social group, class, age, race, disability, sexually and lifestyle” (pg.1).
Children are growing and developing in their early years, and to be witnessing physical,
emotional, psychological abuse in their life; it can be lifelong damaging. I choose to research the
effects of Domestic Violence on children because I lived in a domestic violence environment. I
know firsthand how it feels to be hopeless and live each day in fear. I can still remember the first
time it happened, I was only two years old. I try to explain to myself, “How can I remember, if I
was just a toddler”? As I got older, I noticed that the abuse my mother and I encountered affected
me. There were times I hated boys at school for no apparent reason. I thought all boys where
cruel. I also lived in fear, that my mother would not live another beating. “Who was going to
take of me and my brothers”? That was the question I would ask myself every time my mother
and her husband would get into it. I would try to avoid staying home and enroll myself in
afterschool activities just so I would not be around my mom’s husband. My mom’s husband
would make me take off his shoes and clothes just to be abusive, controlling and offensive
towards me. I felt he hated me, just because I was not his daughter. He would make that very
clear to me in several occasions. I thought if I was not living with my mother, then she would not
get physically, verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused by her boyfriend. I lived half
my life blaming myself for my mother’s abuse. This all has been psychologically damaging for
me. I know now as an adult, that domestic violence can effect a child’s development and carry
on to adulthood. This research paper will be discussing the effects of domestic violence on young
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children and its impact on development. This paper will go over how domestic violence impacts
a child’s emotional, behavioral, and psychological wellbeing.
Children who are exposed to listening to the abuse of their mother go through an
emotional roller coaster. Several emotions that children experience are fear, hopelessness, and
feeling unsafe. “The effect of seeing their mothers assaulted reinforced children’s feelings of
vulnerability in such damaging aggression” (Mc Gee, 2000). Children’s fear mostly arises from
being hit and the fear of their mothers being killed from the aggressor. According to Caroline
(2000), “other symptoms of fear that children displayed was nervous twitching, sleepwalking,
stuttering and becoming awkward when he or she was near the abuser”(pg. 42). It is clear that
with having and feeling fear so many other emotional factors get affected and a child can break
down. Children living in fear have a hard time forming trust bonds with friends, being able to
socialize, eating habits change, learning becomes difficult and causing sleeping disorders. In the
book “The Batterer as Parent” written by Bancroft and Silverman (2002), It states “Children
exposed to domestic violence spend less time hanging out with friends, are less likely to have a
best friend, and have low quality friendships than other children”(pg. 38). “They also tend to
show elevated behavior problems, anxiety, withdrawn, and learning difficulties” (pg. 39).
Children’s development of talents and interests get affected such as; athletics, scholastics or
artistic capabilities, their ability to escape self- blame, and strength to close relationships. The
research also talks about how children start to distance away from their mother emotionally,
especially in boys. The batterer disrespects their mother so often that children start to feel
superior to her and ashamed to be connected to her. “By the fear that if the batterer will retaliate
against them with verbal abuse or violence if he sees them associated with their mother” (pg.70).
In these situations children sometimes experience tremendous cognitive conflict from connecting
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with the abuser, which they attempt to relieve by taking on the batterer’s distorted view of the
mother. Unfortunately, by children observing or hearing the verbal, and physical abuse the
mother encounters on a daily bases; children suffer traumatic bonding’s. According to Bancroft
and Silverman (2002), “Traumatic bonding leads a child to become increasingly focused on the
needs, wants, and emotional state of the abusive adult, which is the child’s best shot at
maintaining safety for themselves” (pg. 41). This causes the child to lose focus on developing his
or her abilities to engaging with the real world and forming extreme behavioral problems.
Children of battered women start to develop behavioral problems toward their mother.
This behavior can arise from years of observing their father or batterer. “Boys exposed to
domestic violence showed higher rates of aggression and bullying toward peers and both boys
and girls showed signs of learning to meet their needs by manipulating, pressuring, and coercing
others”, according to Bancroft and Silverman (2002). “In a study that was done twenty percent of
teenage boys joined their fathers in victimizing their mothers” (pg.71). This shows how the
teenage boys identified with the aggressor and became the aggressors. Teenage boys may turn
against their mother’s in an attempt to win the approval, love, and affection of the father as they
begin to identify with his power as the abuser. According to Bancroft and Silverman (2002),
“Teenage boys observe that there is no negative consequences for the abusive use of power and
control that they begin to model the aggressive behaviors in their own relationships” (pg. 72). “It
becomes evident that long term effects on children especially boys; means the beginning of
violence within their own dating relationships. Adolescent girls may start accepting threats and
violence from boyfriends”, according, to Dr. Wilson (2006). Many teenagers have lived in
violent homes for years in which they may try to run away and seek independence and release
from their violent environment. On the other hand, some teens act out their anger and frustration
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in ways that end up in delinquent behavior. In the book “When Violence Begins in the Home”
(2006), “teens who have been exposed to domestic violence are more likely to attempt suicide,
abuse drugs, alcohol, engage in prostitution, and commit sexual assaults” (pg. 42). These
behaviors that children and teenagers demonstrate are the aftermath of domestic violence. It’s
devastating to find out the consequences that violence can bring into the development of the lives
of children and their adult life as well. The impact is so strong that in long term exposure to
violence or abuse they can suffer psychologically.
Children witness and experience dramatizing events in their family homes, which damage
their psychological well-being. The psychological effects of domestic violence according to
Wiehe (1998), “can be anxiety, depression, re-experiencing the traumatic event, sleeping
disorders, eating disorders, poor social skills, confusion, insecurity, isolation, suicidal thoughts,
low self-esteem and feeling hopeless” (pg. 95). These problems can continue for children as they
grow into adulthood and become worse. Adults that witness parents’ physical conflicts continued
to exhibit psychological distress and low levels of social adjustments. Children internalize all the
verbal abuse and violence that they can exhibit symptoms similar to those suffering from
Posttraumatic stress disorder. The American Psychiatric Association classified post-traumatic
stress as a type of anxiety disorder. “Posttraumatic stress disorder is the development of
characteristics symptoms following exposure to extreme trauma involving personal experience of
an actual threat, death, and serious injury to physical integrity. With the person responding in
intense fear, helplessness or horror”, according to Wiehe (1998). “The disorder may appear at
any age following exposure to psychologically traumatic event that is generally outside the
typical human experience” (pg.43). Another psychological effect that children can encounter is
depression. Children will isolate themselves and experience eating or sleeping disorders. They
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feel close out to their world around them and no motivation to move forward in life. If this
persists to adulthood greater problems arise, for example; instability in their job, negative
relationships, crime, trauma symptoms, using drugs and alcohol as an escape goat to their
problems. Some children observe their father’s or mother’s drinking and drugs habits at a young
age, that when they grow up they tend to think consuming alcohol will solve their problems.
These bad habits can later turn into additions and cause severe depression. It is heart breaking to
know that children learn from observation and tend to carry those bad behaviors or addictive
habits to adulthood. Graham-Bermann and Edleson (2001) claims, “That all of these problems or
symptoms could be linked to the reported difficulties in social competence of children exposed to
violence” (pg. 37). The effects of domestic violence on children can impact psychologically their
quality of life in the long run. It is crucial children get the right guidance, counseling and therapy
to help them overcome this traumatic stage.
There is so many factors that influence the effects of children’s development due to
Domestic Violence. Their emotional, behavioral and psychological state of mind goes through a
terrible roller coaster that their development takes a toll. It is unfortunate, that children so young
have to experience such a terrifying experience that can tarnish their childhood. This is a time
when children need to have as many wonderful experiences and develop appropriately at each
stage. With so much research done and books written we can clearly see that domestic violence
has a great impact on a child’s emotional state, cognitive growth, physical wellbeing and healthy
social relationships. In addition, according to Bancroft and Silverman (2002), “the emotional
effects that batterers have on their children, the batterer’s modeling shapes the belief system of
children in the home, including their outlook on abuse in relationships, personal responsibility,
violence and aggression, and sex role expectations” (pg. 53). The batterer’s style, both as a
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partner and a parent can have powerful implications for the functioning of the family as a whole.
By presenting long term effects on their children’s emotional, behavior and psychological well-
being.
Methodology
I conducted three interviews with females in the ages of (30-40). I conducted one on one
interviews in their own homes; so they can feel relaxed. I developed 10 questions relating to
topic of domestic violence and its effects on a person’s psychological well-being. The questions
covered the individual’s experience of domestic violence, how the abuse affected the individual,
and did they experience any anxiety or depression. In addition, questions reflected a section on
emotional development which discussed how the individual feels about experiencing domestic
violence. The questions I asked were:
1. How old were you, when you first experienced domestic violence?
2. How did it make you feel?
3. How did you react when you first experienced domestic violence?
4. Did you tell anyone? If so, who?
5. Did your father or mother consume alcohol?
6. Did your mother or father consume drugs? If so, what type of drug?
7. Did it affect you in school? If so, How?
8. Did you suffer from depression? If so, how?
9. Did you suffer from anxiety? If so, how?
10. Did domestic violence effect you as an adult? If so, how?
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Results/ Data
Questions Subject 1 Subject 2 Subject 3 Similarities Differences 1. How old were you, when you first experienced domestic violence?
4 years old 3 years old 11 years old
None , all different ages
Yes, different ages
2. How did it make you feel?
Scared Scared Scared Yes, all three felt scared
No, all felt scared
3. How did you react when you first experienced domestic violence?
Sat in the corner of the bedroom
Cried Hide in the bedroom
Yes, hide and sat in the bedroom
Yes, one cried
4. Did you tell anyone? If so, who?
No No No Yes, no one told.
No, all three did not say a word.
5. Did your father or mother consume alcohol?
Yes, bothParents.
Father only
Father only Yes, all three their father.
Yes, one said mother.
6. Did your mother or father consume drugs? If so, what type?
None Father only, cocaine.
Not aware of it.
No, all different answers.
Yes, one said no, other father consumed cocaine, and not aware it.
7. Did it affect you in school? If so, how?
Yes, did not focus in academics.
No, her mom got out of marriage.
No, onetime occurrence.
Yes, two were not affect in school.
Yes, one was affect by not being able to focus on academics.
8. Did you suffer from depression? If so, how?
Yes, sleeping too much, eating a lot.
Yes, isolated for months, no eating, sleeping.
Yes, childhood life.
Yes, all suffered depression and two over sleeping.
Yes, all suffered depression in a different way. Isolated, childhood life, eating too much, and not wanting to eat.
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9. Did you suffer from anxiety? If so, how?
Yes, always nervous, looking always around.
No Yes, childhood life.
Yes, two suffered anxiety.
Yes, one did not suffer anxiety. The other two suffered. anxiety differently; childhood life, nervous, and always looking around.
10. Did domestic violence effect you as an adult? If so, how?
Yes, got into a marriage the same as mother; unhealthy.
Yes, got into similar relationships.
No, it was a onetime occurrence.
Yes, two were affected by prior relationships.
Yes, one was not affected.
When reviewing the information I collected from the three interviews conducted, they
were many similarities about how the experience of domestic violence impacted their emotional
development, psychological well-being, and social relationships. The three interviews explained
that their reaction to domestic violence was the feeling of being scared. They believed this was
due to feeling hopelessness and unable to seek help. The first thing they thought of doing was
hide in the bedroom, except for the second interview. All interviewees stayed quiet about the
domestic violence that would occur in their home environment, they did not tell anyone about it.
In addition, all three interviews claimed, their father consumed alcohol, which resulted in the
embarrassment of bringing friends over. The second interview explained father consumed
cocaine in addition to alcohol. They stated that no one’s mother consumed drugs. As a result of
the domestic violence trauma, all three interviewees suffered depression. The first two interviews
felt the need of sleeping a lot and the third interview claims, childhood life traumas made her feel
depressed all the time. They also suffered from anxiety; the first and third interviews. Claiming,
that as soon as they would recall an event of their trauma those feelings of insecurity,
nervousness, and panic attacks would arise again. The first and second interviews were affected
by domestic violence in adulthood, by getting involved in unhealthy relationships similar to
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those they experienced in childhood. All three interviews discussed the long term emotional and
psychological impact in their childhood and adulthood life.
The differences between the interviews were that all of them suffered domestic violence
in different ages in their life. In the second interview, she was the only one that cried when she
first experienced domestic violence. Due to the fact she was only three years old at the time. The
only mother that consumed alcohol was the first interview; she stated that her mother drank
alcohol with her father so he would not abandon the home. In addition, she suffered from
focusing on academics at school for many years due to the trauma and violence at home. All
interviewees suffered depression differently; the first interview suffered from over eating, second
interview isolated herself for months and not wanting to eat, and third interview because of
major childhood life traumas (child abuse, foster care, rape, teen mom). The only one not
suffering from anxiety was the second interview. Finally, after all ten questions only the third
interview stated not being effected by domestic violence as an adult, because mother left the
relationship with her father right away after the first experience.
Discussion
The information gathered from the interviews coincided with the information in literature
review. The literature states that children who are exposed to listening to the abuse of their
mother go through an emotional roller coaster. One of many emotions that children experience is
fear. This was seen in my interviews. Each interviewee discussed how witnessing their father
abuse their mother causes them to feel scared. Due to the fact that they felt scared, each one of
my interviewees did not say a word to no one about the domestic violence at home. They
believed this was due to feeling hopeless and unable to seek for help. Children living in fear have
a hard time hanging out with friends, forming trust bonds, being able to socialize, and have low
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quality friendships. By my interviews, I noticed how their father’s alcoholism resulted in the
embarrassment of bringing friends over. This prevented them from forming close relationships
with friends. In the research from the literature children tend to also show elevated behavioral
problems, anxiety, withdrawn, and learning difficulties. This showed in the data I collected from
all three interviewees. They suffered from anxiety, depression and focusing in school. Claiming,
that as soon as they would recall an event of trauma those feeling of nervousness and panic
attacks would arise again. The feeling of sleeping a lot and childhood life traumas made them
feel depressed all the time. These problems can continue for children as they grow into
adulthood. Two out my three interviewees were affected by domestic violence in adulthood, by
getting involved in unhealthy relationships similar to those experienced in childhood. It becomes
a cycle for children experiencing domestic violence in their home. Girls observe the abuse that
the father inflicts in their mother and as they grow up they believe it’s okay for their boyfriend or
husband to abuse them also, just because that’s all they have seen and known. Boys on the other
hand, observe there is no negative consequence for the abusive use of power and control that
they begin to model that behavior in their own relationships. These behaviors that children and
teenagers demonstrate are the aftermath of domestic violence. These are the consequences that
domestic violence can bring into the development of the lives of children and their adult life as
well. Its crucial children get the right guidance, counseling, and therapy to help them overcome
all the trauma they experienced living in domestic violence.
Conclusion
While reading literature on this topic, conducting interviews, and connecting the
interviews to the literature, I learned that domestic violence can have a long term effect on a
child’s emotional, behavioral and psychological well-being. Some major themes that emerged
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from the data include; children feeling very powerless in the face of their fathers violence and
thoughts of wanting to do something to protect their mothers but were to frighten to be able to
act on it, the batterer’s modeling shaping the belief systems of children in the home, including
their outlook on abusive relationships, personal responsibility, violence and aggression. Also, not
being able to form healthy relationships, social interactions, wanting to be isolated, low self-
esteem, signs of anxiety and depression arise to adulthood. All these things that I researched
from books, journal, and my interviews gave me a clearer understanding that I was right all
along. That domestic violence has a huge impact on the lives and development of children. I can
definitely relate to all the literature and the women I interviewed. I also experienced great fear as
a child from up in a domestic violence home. It was always dramatizing knowing every day that
my step father would fight with my mother out of nowhere. All these episodes for in the long run
caused me to be aggressive to other children at school and to have great hate towards my
mother’s boyfriend, later husband. I would have dreams and thoughts of planning to get rid of
him so my mother and I could live in peace. For years I had this wall all around me, the fear of
men hurting me just exactly the way my mother was treated. Unfortunately, after years of me
moving out of my mother’s home, I got involved in an abusive relationship, where I was verbally
and mentally abused. I could not believe that I would get caught up in a relationship like that,
after experiencing it as a child. But it happened. I know deep inside that was not what I wanted
for my life. So I escaped from that relationship and looked for support in friends, coworkers, and
my professors from college. That eventually helped me get through all that baggage I had lived
as a child and adult life. It is very important as a victim of domestic violence to get help and
surround yourself with positive people that can bring harmony and shine light on your life. Just
because your life as a child did not go as it should have had too. That does not mean your adult
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life can have promise, success, happiness and break that abusive cycle. Therapy and counseling
is suggested for children who witness domestic violence. I also recommend that the earlier one
goes to counseling and therapy one can begin the healing process to recovery. It will take time,
and once it’s all put in the past one can move forward to healthy relationships and the joy of
enjoying one’s own life.
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References
Bancroft, L., & Silverman, J. (2002). The batterer as parent: Addressing the impact of domestic
violence on family dynamics. Thousand Oaks, Calif.: Sage Publications.
Bermann, S., & Edleson, J. (2001). Domestic violence in the lives of children: The future of
research, intervention, and social policy. Washington, DC: American Psychological
Association.
Dodd, L. (2009). Therapeutic group work with young children and mothers who have
experienced domestic abuse. Educational Psychology In Practice, 25(1), 21-36.
doi:10.1080/02667360802697571
McGee, C. (2000). Childhood experiences of domestic violence. London: Jessica Kingsley.
Milano, S. (1996). Defending our lives: Getting away from domestic violence and staying safe.
New York: Anchor Books.
Wiehe, V. (1998). Understanding family violence treating and preventing partner, child, sibling,
and elder abuse. Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications.
Wilson, K. (1997). When violence begins at home: A comprehensive guide to understanding and
ending domestic abuse. Alameda, CA: Hunter House ;.