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Page 1: Dont Wanna Fall Again
Page 2: Dont Wanna Fall Again
Page 3: Dont Wanna Fall Again

Author’s Note

This book is free!

As long as you enjoy it and

get something useful from it,

That’s good enough for me.

Thanks for downloading!

DON’T WANNA FALL AGAIN Written by MJ Vilches

Presented to you by: Doodle Notes https://www.facebook.com/DoodleNotes

http://www.youtube.com/doodlenotes1234 https://twitter.com/DoodleNotes

Special thanks to Gillian L. Rebosura

for contributing some awesome words in the book.

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For everyone who’re in LOVE

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“Well, if you ask me, I would say ‘No’. Don’t ask why. I just don’t like it. All the heartaches and headaches. It’s stressful! You even have to save

money to buy gifts. If I were you, I would say ‘No’ too. Coz I’m telling you,

LOVE is equals to PAIN + PROBLEM + WASTE OF TIME + DEATH and I’m telling you:

I AM NEVER GONNA FALL AGAIN.”

- Mort Vurlock -

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CHAPTER 1 I’m not in love, not even like.

It was the first day of school. I take a deep breath as I walk towards the school gates. It was the first day yet it’s so noisy.

My name is Mort Vurlock and I’m on my final year on highschool, that’s why hearing this kind of noise makes my headache. Being a senior made me mature, which means, now I dislike noises. I don’t like the sophomores that shout “Hey!” and “Whoa!” as they see their past classmates. I also don’t like those juniors that talks like machine guns. Even the senior girls that shriek as they see their girl friends and bump me as they run towards each other and hug. I just sighed. Why couldn’t they be just like this freshman kid who walks quietly by my side, politely smiling to anyone he meets. But, oh yeah, it’s the first day! Probably, they just miss each other so much. But still, it’s not cool to be noisy.

I entered the school’s gate with my head up in the clouds. A lot has happened last year that are just too painful to remember. I just took a deep breath. “Be cool men, be cool.” I say to myself. “It’s the first day. Don’t ruin your first day.”

With that said, I fixed my quiff hairstyle with my hand. The hair wax that I applied this morning still holds it up so I felt fine. It’s been

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my hairstyle for as long as I can remember and changing it makes me feel like I’m out of character. I did change it last year and there’s not a day that I regret ever doing so.

“Mort!”, a voice calls me from behind, a female voice. I recognize it so I turn to see her.

As I expected, my best friend, Chrixa Sun, was running towards me. She’s been my bestfriend for 12 years so I expected her face to be the usual untidy look. But as I see her, my eyes widen. Her hair, which always been hanging from her head unattended and craggy is now shiny, smooth and pony-tailed. I can tell that she had it trimmed a bit since the swaying hair from the rubber band that holds it is not that long. Her skin is fairer now too! Which made me doubt that they had their vacation this summer on a beach resort. What made me almost laugh at the sight of her, though, was her light red lipstick which never, ever, in our whole existence, that I’ve seen her wear one, until today. Heck! She even hated wearing lipstick! The last thing I noticed was her eyes. She had her eyelids lined with a thin black eyeliner which made me notice her eyelashes more than ever.

I’m so astonished by the change that I ask, “Chrixa? Is that you?” barely managing to stop my urge to laugh. I find her ultimate change extremely funny.

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She stopped in front of me, raising her left eyebrow. Her face totally changed, I have to squint my eyes because she seems shining. I didn’t actually take it seriously when she said she would change this year. My hands clutch my stomach in an effort to suppress my snickers.

“Who else do you think, stupid?” she replied with a question, looking slightly irked by my inquiry.

I jerked at the word stupid and say, “So that’s how you greet me on the first day?”

I acted as if I'm angry, shook my head, crossed my arms, and walked away from her. “This might be a perfect time for an acting showdown.” I thought, grinning slightly, as I walked away. “Should be perfect for a baptism for her new look.” I added. I managed to get a glimpse of her face as it slowly took a worried look. She then catches up to me and says, “Mort, I was just kidding.” Her face looking worried by the minute. I sensed that she’s already countering my acting so I keep walking despite her trying to stop me.

“No, you meant it!” I said, raising my voice.

She stopped and said in a tone I was all too familiar and frightened of, “Mort, I’m sorry…”

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I stopped too. Oh no. Now her eyes are starting to form tears. She didn’t even mind that it’ll ruin her makeup. I suddenly got nervous, not because I made a girl cry but because she’s about to do IT!

In the past, we always trick each other through acting. She always pranks me and I prank her back. Over the years of doing it again and again, it has become our tradition to do it in special events. In this case, atleast for me, is her ultimate change in looks. I’m good at it but mostly she wins which is really annoying! I thought I was winning now but I have to do my best to alter the situation. I don’t wanna be defeated though, so I did the only possible route,I smile and tell her in the sweetest way, “Hey don’t cry! I was just kidding too!”

It was the biggest smile I could ever possibly do. I need to change her mind before she –

“I’m sorry Mort!!” she bawled! Every student near us look at her and me. I gulped. She’s definitely doing IT! She’s going to do the ULTIMATE ACT! Normal acting is fine. I can keep up with it. But when she starts to cry, that’s when it gets really tricky.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you because of what I’ve said! I was just kidding Mort!!” she’s now acting hysterical.

“Chrixa…,” I’m still trying to persuade her to not do it, but I have an inkling feeling that it’s approaching its highest peak because, “the

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students are looking at us now…” Then I see some familiar faces. Oh no! Please not them! Now it's really gonna reach the highest peak! More audience for her is great motivation!

Mike, Jake, Lance and Daniel are approaching. Those guys! Not those guys! My eyes widen as I see them coming.

“Oh no! Chrish! Please stop! I’m begging you! Please stop!” I say in a low and desperately pleading voice. I don’t care about winning now. But instead of stopping, she even cried louder.

“MORT! I’M SORRY!”

She knows they’re coming.

“Chrixa, I forgive you now. Please! Stop it!”. I pleaded to make her stop even if the hope of being able to persuade her to stop the ultimate act has left me. “There’s no stopping her now.” I thought to myself.

Chrixa’s topnotch acting brought most of the crowd’s attention to us. Freshmen, sophomores, juniors, seniors, even the parents that just happen to bring their kids to school stopped to witness the show. Mrs. Tubao is here too. She’s been our History teacher for three years now and also our current adviser. She knows what’s happening and learned that the best way to deal with it is to enjoy the show.

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Chrixa stopped wailing after a huge number of crowed surrounded us. She then wiped her genuine-looking tears,which smeared her eyeliner, and sniffled convincingly. I hate those pretend sobs.

“Really?” she asked then continued with her classic, “Prove it!”

I hate it when I have to prove it, especially now that most of the people passing by are actually stopping and staring at us! I know she’s gonna use this opportunity to her advantage. And those four guys arrived as well. I can tell that they saw Chrixa’s change and wanted to react to it but they figured they should wait. They’re just standing half a meter from where we are. My sweat pours down my face. They’re waiting for the perfect moment to join in the fun. I just ignored them and asked Chrixa, “What? H-How?”

“Shout ‘I LOVE YOU’ to me.”

My heart jumped in rage.

Using the “L” thing against me! She knew what I’ve been through last year because of that thing! I know that in a fight, you should use the opponent’s weaknesses. She’s doing a perfectly good job at it right now! But -

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“What?!” I say furiously but silent. Using the “L” thing infront of an enormous crowd. Chrixa...

“Are you out of your – “

“MORT! I’M REALLY SORRY! I wasn’t a good girlfriend! Please don’t leave me! Please tell me you still love me! Please Mort!”

I almost choked on my own spit when the 'girlfriend part' came up. She’s hitting me below the belt! I want to cry for foul but I manage to lower my rage and just took a deep breath. I need to keep it cool. People are staring at us. I can accept the “L” part, but the girlfriend?!! What’s she doing!!!!??? I look around. If I do something stupid, it’ll back fire on me. I need to think about this. I’ve been in situations like this before. Eventhough this is the first time I felt so much anger, I’m still not going to make the same mistakes. I just need to go with it. JUST NEED TO GO WITH IT!!

“Ok…ok!” I said calmly. I don’t think I have a choice. “I’ll do it! Stop!”

Chrixa stopped and wiped away her fresh, crocodile tears. Her eyeliner’s smeared. I guess she decided to sacrifice even that just to defeat me.

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She's a very good actress! And I hate it!! Everyone was looking at us. I really have to just go with it. I faced her and forced a smile. She knows what that means. “I’m really gonna kill you later.” I say in my thoughts. If she actually noticed the promise of revenge in my eyes, there wasn’t any physical indication. Curse her acting skills. I took a deep breath.

“Chrish…”

I looked at the audiences. Those four guys are still not doing anything. Just staring. Which do not make me feel any better.

I looked at Chrixa. Her eyes are covered with tears, the people around us sending pitiful glances at her whilst glaring daggers at me. I rolled my eyes. If there was a person the audience should pity, it should be me.

“Chrixa.”

I needed to speak up.

“I…”

“They’re just words! Just words!” I say in my mind. “Say it! Say it and be done with this!”

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“Iloveyou.” I say.

That didn’t come out right. I know she’s not going to be satisfied about it.

“What? I didn’t hear you! Shout!” she ordered with matching hand gestures which really pissed me off! With her pretend sobs and mock pitiful face, it’s really convincing the audience that this whole chaos is real and not an acting showdown! But I need to end this. So I collected what’s left of my humility and decided to just spit out the words.

“I Laaaav you!”

But still, I can’t say it properly. For me, it’s the most dangerous phrase. She knows it too but I don’t know what’s in her mind right now.

“W-what?” she asked, pretending she didn’t hear the phrase.

“Hey!” She turns to Mike and Jake, sending them the most vulnerable look she could manage. Yep! Now she’s calling for their help. Surprising.

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“Can you hear him?” she asked the two. And as expected, they’re playing along. They always take Chrixa’s side when it comes to our little acting showdown. I gave a silent snort. Some friends they are.

“No.” said Mike, sounding convincing and not the least bit guilty for feeding me to the wolves.

“Hey dude,” Jake pushed me a little.” Shout! Look at the girl.”

And then I heared Lance talking to a stranger, a girl by the looks of it, beside him in a disappointed and hushed voice, “I would never do that to my girlfriend. Humiliating her in a crowd like this, that guy’s cruel, right?” The girl nodded while he jabs his thumb at my direction, glancing at me like I did something unforgivable.

Daniel talked to another stranger, slinging his arm around the person’s shoulder in a friendly manner and uttered in a pitying and dramatic tone, “I pity the girl. All she wanted was love. That guy’s a jerk, right?”

They got most of the crowd convinced I was the bad guy here, moments later they were giving me insults. Lance then initiates a chant that sends most of the crowd go “Shout! Shout! Shout!”

Great, like I needed any more motivation.

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I can hear them say many things.

“C’mon men…say it!”

“They are just words.”

“Why did you even court her if you’d do this to her?”

“Be a man!”

And here I am thinking I was doing great with my acting. Now I’m totally regretting ever starting all this. You could say that it's the most unforgettable first-day-of-school in my life. All hope is lost. My mind has gone fuzzy to the point that the voices started to fade and the whole world slowed down. I gave in. I just need to finish this.

I took a deep breath. Loud and long enough to silence the audience around us.

I look at Chrixa in the eye. I grit my teeth. I just have to do this.

“I…”

And suddenly my heart forgets the anger and pretends for a moment that Chrixa was really my girlfriend. I look at Chrixa,

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examining every bit of her. Her delicate hands. Her smooth, black, pony-talied hair. Her fair skin. Her light red lips. And her beautiful brown eyes. Even with tears and her eyeliner smeared, she looks so amazingly beautiful. With that, the words came out in a way that, I’m very much confident, Chrixa and the audience would really be satisfied.

“I love you.”

Everyone paused. I felt a sudden warmth inside as I look at Chrixa. Her face, surprised by the genuinity of my delivery. I then add with a smile, “There. I’ve said it.” And fixing her hair, to slide through the back of her ear, with my hand I say in the sweetest way I can, “Are you happy now?” It’s the first time I did something like that to her. It felt creepy. But the audience bought it as romantic so it’s good. Now she’ll stop.

The silence remained for another 10 seconds. Mike, Daniel, Jake and Lance were stunned. They didn’t think I could do it. When the second’s up, everyone just went “WOHOO!”

Every person around us rejoiced. Even those who didn’t know us rejoiced. Mrs. Tubao cried which surprised me. She’s definitely not going to stop talking about this. I’m pretty sure she’s moved by how great my acting is. “This would be a hot topic around the campus, I’m sure of it.” I thought in resignation. And the versions of it aren’t going

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to be pretty. Chrixa hugged me. I jerked. I realized my body still thinks she’s really my “L” thing but deep inside I know she’s not.

“I love you too, Mort.” she says while hugging me.

Hearing that made the whole of me go back to reality. I look at Chrixa and I see only two things:

Horns protruding from her forehead.

Suddenly my anger resurfaced.

Chrixa noticed it so she slowly slipped from my clutches and ran at full speed, knowing that I was gonna give her the knucklehead of a lifetime. It has always been my punishment to her after she does something really wrong. It’s also the only way I can do for revenge. Which I will really do because she stuck her tongue out as she faced me after creating a huge distance between us.

“Chrixa! Get back here!” I growled as she started running again.

I then attempted to chase her but the thick crowd was blocking my way. Taking advantage of it, she manages to escape. Mike, Daniel, Lance and Jake disappeared right away too! Not a sight of even their shadows.

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“KRIIIIIIING!”

The bell rang.

Now everyone, as if forgetting the epic moment of my defeat, started pushing me around as they ran towards their classrooms. I was the last one who was able to run, next to the freshmen kid earlier whom I helped to stand up because he was pushed too.

I rushed towards my first class. I’m never going to forget what just happened. I’ll never forget what she did to me. I know she’s been doing something like this every year but this time it crossed the line! Did she think she was going to get away with this? Oh no. She won’t.

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CHAPTER 2 The Promise

Lunchtime. No sign of Chrixa. She didn’t attend the morning classes either. Our adviser told us that she asked permission about it. She never told me. Well, she’s really avoiding the great knucklehead that awaits her so I can’t blame her. I have to know where she went though, so I ask some of our best friends.

I started with Jake Morgan, one of the guys that helped Chrixa lately. Yep, they’re our best friends so I easily forgave them. But that didn’t stop me from giving each of them a big slap on the head.

Jake has thick hair that looks like cotton. He wants it that way because he’s a rockstar. Cool hair means cool guitar play. Jake is actually part of a band in his church. We’ve played there once as a band. We decided to stop after we reach our junior year so that we can focus with our studies and make sure we graduate.

He was playing his guitar, rubbing his cotton-haired head. I just slapped it. He was the last one I was able to slap becaus ehe sat too far from me this morning. The others received it during the morning classes.

“Where is she?!” I scowled at him.

“I-I-I don’t know.” he stuttered, as he brings back his cool. He then glanced over my shoulder and said, “Try asking Lance.”

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As I pass by Jake, he took on a defensive stance expecting to receive another slap. I though of punching him this time but I didn’t do anything except stare at him like a tiger for doing such a dorky pose. They do all those things to me and they’re afraid of me afterwards. When will they ever learn?

I then turned to Lance but, as I’ve expected, he’s asleep. Even if he’s seated on another chair, you’d still recognize him because of his curly hair.

Lance Summers is a smart and rich guy. His father owns an airport and their family is famous for owning big time businesses all over the country. But we’ve been best friends even before they were rich. That’s why he stayed in this school with us even though they could afford to send him to a private school.

He’s one of the top students. If he stops slacking off, he could really get the highest spot. But he always tells us that being number 1 is a pain in the butt so he wants to stay in his current rank. In my opinion, I think he’s just making excuses so he can sleep.

I approached Lance and tried to wake him up.

“Lance! Hey! Did you see Chrixa?” I asked, shaking him.

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

He’s snoring. I shook my head.

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“Hey Jake!” I called Jake.”Lance is sleeping!”

“You think?” he said sarcastically. Sarcasm is not really a big deal to our gang so I didn’t make such a big deal out of it.

“Where’s Daniel?” I asked, looking around the classroom.

“Dating.” he said straight-up.

With that said, I already know where Daniel is. I then went outside and saw him sitting on a bench with his girlfriend.

Daniel Cramer is our noisy friend. He fixes his hair on a fauxhawk style. He is actually active in sports and is part of the school’s basketball team. He’s good at saying jokes but sometimes he fails to make us laugh. Many girls admire him for being an excellent basketball player and being hilarious but only one girl won his heart.

Karen Yster. Also our best friend. She’s smart and is the current top 1 of our class. She’s kind and pretty and really mature. Maybe that’s why Daniel fell for her. I’m actually happy for them and envious as well. They were so blessed. Not just because they love each other but because they understand each other very well. They communicate to each other like friends. They set their limitations to their relationship and avoided compromising their purity. They’re both Christians, like the rest of the Gang, and they threaten each other to break up if ever they love one another more than God. That made me smile. To be honest, they don’t look like they were dating. They’re just talking and

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laughing and avoiding each others’ hands to touch. They knew if that happens they’d just compromise. Sometimes I even see them read the bible together and share some verses. Sometimes we join in. I sighed. “I’m not going to be like Daniel.” I thought. I made a promise never to fall again. I know it’s a dumb promise but it’s what my heart is just telling me now. I decided not to fall again. I want to stay away from those pains and problems. That’s why it angers me everytime I recall the events this morning. Chrixa’s my bestfriend. She knows better than to use the “L” thing against me. And acting as my girlfriend? What is she thinking? I’ve been through enough headaches and heartaches those past years because of trying to have a girlfriend. And she knows it! I will definitely give her the knucklehead.

I shook my head. Falling for someone is the last thing I want right now. And only one thing is echoing inside of me.

“I AM NEVER GONNA FALL AGAIN!”

I decided not to ask Daniel and Karen about Chrixa. I don’t really want to disturb them and it pains me to see happy couples. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but it’s just prevailing inside me. I sighed again and went back to the room. Before I could get inside I caught a glimpse of Mike walking towards the Ipil-Ipil tree near our classroom. Under that tree is where we hang-out as a group. We only go there every free time and if we decided to have a picnic. However, if one of us goes there alone, with sadness written all over his or her face, that means he

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or she has a problem. And by the look of Mike’s face as he walks towards the tree, I can tell that he has a problem.

“I’ll ask Mike. Maybe he knows.” I holler to Jake, who just nodded, as I leave the room to approach Mike.

Mike Grant is our handsome friend. He wears a crew cut hairdo and a very handsome face which, obviously, gave him the title of a heartrob. But despite his handsomeness he’s not that lucky in love. Like me. That’s why he often visits the “emo rock”, the rock beneath the Ipil-ipil tree. It’s a special throne of emoness where we sit when we feel sad or want to be emotional. Well, there are times we need a breather. And this place just help us reflect to our problems.

“Hey Mike! Any problem, men?” I asked even if I knew that he do have a problem.

Mike jerked as I ask him. “Must’ve cut his train of emotional thoughts.” I thought.

“Huh? Uh…nothin’ men..” He said, sounding dejected.

“Nothin’?” I asked, but not expecting any answer I add, “Then why are you staring at the blank space looking like you’ve lost a game or something?”

He faintly smiled. “It’s ok men. I can handle it.”

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I sat down on the patch of grass, half a meter, in front of Mike. He’s looking at a junior girl inside the classroom far but directly in front of ours. That girl is Mike’s girlfriend. But by the looks of it, that “is” is now a “was”.

“They’re just annoying sometimes, right?” I say, looking at the girl and back to Mike.

Mike looked at me. “Huh?” he says.

“They make us jump off a cliff,” I continue, “ make us feel the happiness of falling and then ends it all of a sudden, making us hit the bottom.”

“You’re not helping, Mort…” Mike said coldly.

“I know!” I laughed, then I got serious.

I thought of calling the Gang for help, as Mike continued being silent and gloomy, but I decided to just speak my heart out.

“You know what Mike, hitting the bottom is not such a bad thing.” I said.

Mike stared at me. “Oh yeah?” he said mockingly since he saw me worse than him on that same rock last year.

“Yeah!” I say, in high spirits since I did learn a lot of things after what happened last year. I proved it to Mike by saying, “Sometimes we

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just have to be in pain and hit our head so hard just for us to know that we’re doing something wrong.”

Mike stayed silent. So I added, “By hitting the bottom, we’re not just told that we’re wrong but it leaves a mark on our hearts.” I felt a sudden sting of pain in my chest so I held it saying, “Telling us to not make the same mistake again.”

I smiled. Hitting the bottom did help me. It gave me all this wisdom. With the help of my friends, of course. Jake, Lance, Daniel, Karen, Mike, and Chrixa never left me last year. They’ve been pouring me with wisdom that pulled me from the bottom. They keep reminding me to not forget the lessons I’ve learned from my mistakes. And surely I won’t make the same mistakes again. I look at Mike and gave him a cheerful face. He needs reminding too. I then stood up saying, “C’mon men! Cheer up! There are a lot of cliffs in the world. You’ll surely find the right one to fall from. Or you can wait for Him to push you to that cliff.”

I pointed up to make Mike remember that God always has a perfect time for each of us. Mike knows that so if he forgot about it, what I just said served as a reminder.

Mike smiled. He remembers. Then he sighed in relief and said, “Thanks man.”

I smiled and managed to remember my own problems.

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“Ok. Now to ask you about Chrixa.” I said, giving him a threatening look. Mike’s eyes widened and he beamed. Of couse they enjoyed the whole charade this morning.

“You’re still not over it?” he asked.

“How can I be over it!?” I said in slight fury.

“Alright. Alright. I know it’s hard to get over with.” Mike held his head, the part where I slapped lately. He knows what he’ll get if he makes a wrong move.

“Where is she?” I asked, glaring at him.

“Even if you give me another slap, you won’t get anything because I don’t know.” he said, forcefully giving a huge smile.

Well, he’s saved. But Chrixa did escape the knucklehead today. Which is really annoying. I then thanked Mike and left him to give him some air. Although the memory of the stunt this morning made him forget about his problems a bit. They really love seeing someone suffer. Then the start of the afternoon classes was announced by the ringing of the school bells.

“KRIIIIIIING!”

The whole day ended and I still can’t forget what Chrixa did to me. My hands were itching to do a number on her head via

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knucklehead. She’s doing her technique again. She’s been doing this ever since, especially when she does something very unacceptable. She wouldn’t show up the whole day and then the next, she’d act like nothing happened. But I’m not going to let her do that again. Tomorrow, I’ll let her remember. Oh yes I will.

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CHAPTER 3 Too close to the cliff

“What? I didn’t do that!”

The next morning, I immediately confronted Chrixa about what she did yesterday. And just as I’ve expected, she denies it.

“Chrixa…Don’t make me angry…” I said to her, patience trickling down, while walking down the hallway. I can see some girls giggling as we pass by. Probably the ones who witnessed the whole charade yesterday and was convinced that Chrixa’s really my girlfriend. It boiled me a bit.

“Angry? I’m the one who should be angry here. You’re accusing me for things I didn’t do!” She’s acting again.

“Fine!” I exclaimed, getting tired of dealing with her childish behaviour. This time it’s not an act anymore. I looked away from her and say, “So long, best friend!” emphasizing the last two words then I walked faster.

“Okay!” Finally, she gave up. “I’m sorry! Never gonna happen again.” She said.

I look at her with one eyebrow raised.

“I promise.” she added.

“Promise.” I whispered, doubt swimming around the edges of my tone. I shook my head as I approach her then I swiftly grabbed her

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before she could get away. I then rubbed my knuckles none so gently on her head.

“Can you really promise not to do something that you can’t live without?” I ask while she squirms in my arms.

“Ow! Mort! Stop!” Chrixa cried in pain.

“You may still do the prank.” I stopped the knucklehead for a while. “But don’t you ever use the girlfriend thing again!” Then I continued the onslaught. “You know what I’ve been through last year so yesterday was not good!”

She was struggling from my hold, trying to stop my hands from inflicting any destruction upon her locks. But it’s too late. I ruined it already.

“Okay! I got it! I understand! Stop!” she pushed me. Her strength surprised me. “You’re ruining my hair!” she daid, seriously. I snorted.

“Since when did you care about your hair?” I asked, with a slight chuckle.

“Since yesterday.” She said formally while fixing her hair with a comb she took out of her pocket.

“Oh! So you’re a lady now!” I said in an insulting manner then gasped and repeated my words as a question to emphasize my mock, “You’re a lady now?!”

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“It has to come some point in my life.” she said stucking her tongue out. “And I wouldn’t want to be left behind.” she said in the most mature way I ever heard her.

I laughed a bit.

“You know what, Chrish…” I said puuting my arms on her shoulder, as a friendly gesture and as a way to keep me upright while I was catching my breath. “I don’t think you’re ready for maturity.” I said as her face showed confusion. I then said out loud what her face is asking, ”Why?” and answered it right away. “Because yesterday is really opposite of being mature.”

She smiled and said, “At least I now know you love me.”

“Oh. So you think I don’t?” I asked a bit confused.

She stopped and acted shocked. “You do?!”

I rolled my eyes and said, “Chrixa... You’re my bestfriend! Of course I love you. You’re like my little sister.”

I patted her head. She smiled and hugged me. “Oh that’s so sweet of you big brother.”

I remembered how it felt like when she hugged me yesterday so I pushed her away slightly, “Ok”. I said as I pushed her. I then cleared my throath and say, “So...now that you’ve – eherm – grown up” I smiled as I ask, “Do you have a crush on someone?”

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That made her stop. My smile grew wider.

“What kind of question is that?” she asked, blushing.

“A mature one.” I answered with a smirk that shows I’m getting really interested. This is quite enjoyable. Seems like this is her weak spot. I’ve never seen her blush before. It’s because she’s so confident all the time that you’d never see her get nervous. This time is different though so I got the sudden determination of pushing her to tell me.

“Well…Of course! It’s not impossible for me…to like someone.” She said stuttering a bit.

Her face turned so red I had to stop myself from laughing. I felt a sudden victorious sensation inside of me, urging me to continue pestering her. I smiled again and say, “Oh really?” my tone filled with humor. “So who’s the lucky guy?” I asked with a hint of sarcasm but cleverly masked by a curious lilt to my words.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, eyeing her wrist, as if looking at her watch. “We’re getting late!” she doesn’t have a watch. “We have to hurry!”

She’s dodging it. This is getting more fun! I grabbed her arm before she could get away.

“We’re not going anywhere if you don’t tell me who he is.” I said, smiling mischievously.

“Y-you wouldn’t like him.” She said, stuttering again.

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“Why wouldn’t I?” I asked, my confusion genuine. Being her bestfriend, she should know that I’ll learn to accept the guy, whoever he is.

“Because- because nothing! Forget about it.” she said. This time I think she’s acting to dodge the topic. But I won’t let her. This is the revenge I’ve been waiting for!

She continued walking away from me.

“C’mon Chrish.” I didn’t follow her but I said it out loud. “I’m your bestfriend! I can accept anyone if he’s the one you really like.” I say with two purposes in my mind. First, to remind her that I am indeed her bestfriend and that I will accept anyone if she really likes him. And second, to push her to tell me so I can have my revenge.

She stopped and looked at me. I gave her a smile of reassurance.

“Promise me not to tell anyone.” she said seriously. Which surprised me. I rarely see her so serious.

I smiled and announced. “I promise!”

“Cross your heart!” she ordered and I obediently followed. I drew a tiny cross over my chest with my right fore finger then raised my right arm.

“Ok.” She said then took a deep breath. She doesn’t have to do that though. It’s just a crush anyway. But knowing Chrixa, she’s just overreacting. So I just listened as she continued.

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“My crush is –“ she stopped to take a breath and continued, “Actually, it’s not just a crush.” My eyes widened as I expect her next words. “It’s something…more big.”

My heart leaped with joy. Chrixa!? In love!? I thought her looks are the only things that changed about her. I didn’t expect she’d change this much. I felt excitement rushing in my veins.

“Ok…” I said almost choking in excitement. Finally! Someone I can tease her with! I need to know this guy so I ask with a smile, “Who?”

Chrixa looked at me. She’s really nervous! While I’m getting more fascinated. “Well, he’s…” she’s hesitating but continued, ”he is-”

I can see her sweat starting to pour.

“he is...”

My heart is beating fast. I’m so going to tease her after this.

“he is- “

“KRIIIIIIIIIIING!”

The bell rang. What an odd coincidence. It feels like a big sneeze just got cancelled. Chrixa smiled. A smile of triumph.

“Well, Mort. Destiny doesn’t want you to know.” She said, wiping her sweat away. Her confidence back to the way it usually was. “We better hurry!”

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She then ran but then she turned to me and say, “Besides, if you’ll know who he is, you might use him as my weakness or a payback for what I did to you yesterday.” She looked at me with that winning face. “And I’m not gonna let that happen.”

It’s as if she read my mind.

She then took off. She escaped again. But her senses were right! Using her crush, or should I say “something more big”, as her weakness is part of my plan. I thought she wouldn’t notice it since her face was ready to explode. I just sighed and ran along too. I almost got her there. But, yeah, destiny is on her side. I’m not going to give up though. I will know who that guy is. And when I do… (evil laugh).

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CHAPTER 4 Who’s the Cliff?

“KRIIIIING!”

Lunchtime. Everyone is so noisy. I try to play a song with Jake’s guitar but with all the noise going on, I can’t hear myself or the guitar, so I stopped. I then put the guitar on a corner, got back to my armchair, closed my eyes and held my head with both hands. Men, all these noise makes my head ache.

As I open my eyes again and put down my hands, Chrixa is suddenly standing by my side. “Whoa!” I jerked. Her sudden appearance startled me. She is holding two lunchboxes. One is light blue and the other is lime green. She handed me the light blue one.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“A lunchbox.”Chrixa said plainly.

“Uh, I know it’s a lunchbox, Chrish,” I said, eyeing the lunchbox in her hand with confusion and ask, “Why are you giving this to me?”

“Uh, Hello! You’re my bestfriend. I can’t let you not have your lunch again. I’ve been letting you do it last year.”

Actually, last year, I’ve been skipping lunch everyday at school. It’s because of that “L” thing. It’s a really stupid common reaction of

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those at the bottom. They don’t feel like eating or even communicating with their friends. Must’ve been a hard part for Chrixa, being my bestfriend. Now I felt sorry.

“But you don’t have to – “

“JUST EAT IT OK!” Chrixa pushed the lunchbox to my face.

I took it and say. “Okay! Sheesh…”

I looked at her. She’s smiling. I sighed. She’s really changing. Not just physically but also the way she acts. She’s a real lady now.

“Thank you Chrish!” I said, a sudden warmth forming inside.

“Don’t mention it!” She said, smiling. I then set the lunchbox on the arm of the chair. I popped the lock open and slowly opened the lid. I smiled and looked at Chrixa dreamily. She is so –

“POOOF!”

EVIL!

I almost jumped out of my chair as a grenade of confetti exploded on my face. It’s from the lunchbox that Chrixa gave me! I should’ve seen this coming! I let my guard down again!

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Now everyone in the classroom is laughing at me. Even our class adviser! I then stood up and looked at Chrixa with rage written all over my face. She was laughing too. I then attempted to grab her for a knucklehead but before I could reach her, she handed me the other lunchbox, the green one. I eyed it furiously.

“Here’s your true lunch.” She said, catching her breath after laughing so hard.

“I won’t accept that!” I said in rage but then she opened it, and to my surprise, real food was inside.

The sight of my favorite buttered chicken together with a vegetable salad and rice, suppressed the urge of me giving her a knucklehead. My stomach churned as my nose captured the aroma of deliciousness. Suddenly the rage went down. She made me sit down and set the lunchbox on the arm of my chair. She also cleaned the trash she caused around my area before taking off saying, “Happy eating!”

She then left and I was at a loss for words. I eyed the food, touch it and eat a little just to make sure it’s not plastic. It’s real. I then looked at Chrixa. My head ached even more. She’s really good at this! Making me feel awful! My stomach churned again. I need to eat. So I thanked God for the food, despite of the way Chrixa handed it to me, and started slowly eating it. It was delicious! She’s paid alright. It’s weird how fast the payment is though. Men, I thought she’d grown up already. But the food might prove her growth if she's the one who cooked it. It's just so

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infuriating how she used it to make me look like a fool again! Next time I’ll be on my guard.

I spent the whole afternoon playing deaf. Lance and Jake, who are sitting near me, kept on teasing me about what happened at lunchtime. Some of my classmates couldn’t stop laughing about it either. My eye twitched from the scene. It’s really annoying!

“KRIIIIIIING!”

Dismissal. As Chrixa and I walk down the hallway, I continued the interrogation I had with her this morning. The one with the “something more big” thing. I may still have the chance for revenge.

“I’m not gonna tell you!” Chrixa exclaimed, aware of my vengeful intentions.

“C’mon Chrish! Spill it! I already crossed my heart this morning.” I pleaded desperately. Despite the plans for revenge, I really do want to know who the guy is.

Chrixa got serious. “But I can’t pull my pranks to you anymore if you know it.” she said. I can tell that she wants to share it to me but she’s hesitating because she knows my intentions.

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“I will not use him against you, Chrish. C’mon!” I lied. “And everything would still be normal.” Atleast most of everything. I laughed maniacally inside and I gave her a convincing smile outside.

She sighed and says, finally giving in, “Guess I don’t have any other choice.”

She looked at me. She can probably see the utmost anticipation on my face because even if I didn’t say anything, she blurted, “I’ll tell you! So stop giving me that stupid smile!”

I smiled even bigger and asked, “Really?” twinkling my eyes.

She smiled and shook her head at my stupid attempt to look like a cute puppy and said, “You’re lucky you’re my bestfriend.”

She sighed again. At last! She’s saying it!

“Alright…” she looked around, and, seeing that nobody is around us since they all got home, she took a deep breath. “Here it goes.“ she looked at me nervously and say, “But promise me that nothing would change after this.”

“Promise!” I said immediately. Why would anything change? I’m just going to use him against you when you try to pull ultimate pranks. That’s not really a big thing. I laughed maniacally inside again.

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“And you’ll act as if you don’t know anything.” She said, pointing at me.

“With him around. Ok! Yeah!” I said, playing it safe. Since I don’t wanna promise her to not react accordingly if ever I see her react whenever her “something more big” is around. I’m pretty sure she’s going to turn red just like this morning and just like how she’s turning red now.

“And you wouldn’t use him against me!” her seriousness is creeping me out now but it’s overpowered by my excitement.

I just nodded and smiled. "Oh, but I will." I said in my thoughts.

“And that you’re not gonna tease me.” She said. I shrugged and just before she can say any more statements to stall the conversation I said, anxiously, “Just tell it Chrish…”

She paused for a while and then she took a deep breath. Too much drama, this girl have. That’s what happens when you dream of being an actress.

“Ok…” she said, stammering. “I’m gonna tell it to you now…”

She looked around, apparently nervous.

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“No one’s gonna stop me…”she said nervously then she looked up, eyes looking as if it was pleading for some divine intervention of some sorts. But this time no bell will ring to ruin my moment of triumpth.

“God help me!” she pleaded towards the seiling of the hallway. God may be on my side on this one. But her stalling made me anxious, so I said, “Chrixa…C’mon…just say it! It’s not really a big problem since I’m your best – wait! What?”

She actually said it already and I didn’t hear it! I was talking too loud! And I was too anxious to listen! Please! Say it again! Somehow I think God is punishing me for having those evil intentions and being anxious.

“I’ve said it once, I’m not gonna say it again.” Said Chrixa, crossed her arms, and walked away. There’s no pushing her to say it again so I tried to recall what she said through what I faintly heard. I remember it vaguely so I ask her, “Who’s Hugh?” I think that was the name.

She stopped. I continued, “Hugh Jackman? Wolverine? He’s your ‘something more big’?”.

She then turned around, faced me with her eyebrows meeting furiously, eyes swimming with an unknown emotion, and shouted with all vehemence, “You’re so stupid!!” Then she walked out.

“Wait. What?” I said, bewildered by her fury. “Chrixa?”

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She’s pissed. I know because she’s not looking at me or even replying to me. With that, there’s no point trying to talk to her so I stopped and let her be. The best thing about being her bestfriend is you know when you’ll mess around and when you’ll have to shut up because if you talk more, you’d definitely see her wild side. Although she did show it to me already and, trust me, nothing is more confusing than having seen the wild side of a person directed at you without even knowing why. Suddenly I felt really annoyed with myself. “What did I do?” I asked myself.

She didn’t talk to me during the whole journey to her house, which is actually a couple of blocks from our house. Auntie Jane, Chrixa’s mother, even asked me what happened to her so I told her about everything and when I'm done with the story, she just said, "Oh..." prolonged and with a smile. How can she get it?! Well, I guess it's obvious. Being Chrixa's mother and all. I wanna ask her but Auntie Jane just gave me a pat in the head and wished me good luck on fixing the whole thing. I kinda expected it since she's always like this when Chrixa and I have a fight. Always neutral and never prying. Maybe as a mother, it's her way of teaching the both of us how to face our problems on our own. I just shrug. I have no idea how to fix this so I went home piecing things together.

It’s really a mystery as to why she reacted like that. But it really happens to people who are falling. And knowing what kind of person Chrixa is, her overreacting personality leveled up ten times now that

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she’s fallen. I think she’s falling for someone who’s name is Hugh. And she didn't like the way I reacted upon hearing her something-more-big's name. You know, being her bestfriend, she might've assumed that I'd be more mature reacting to it. Maybe that's why she called me stupid in such extreme anger. Still, I don't like how she reacted to my stupidity or, more like, deafness. I’d like to meet that guy and punch him on the face. What did he do to Chrixa? I’ll make sure I’d know tomorrow.

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CHAPTER 5 I really am stupid!

The next day, Chrixa is absent. This is not good. I know something’s wrong with her and I know it’s my fault. It happened many times before. If she’s really pissed with something or someone, the next day she just won’t go to school. I thought that attitude of hers was gone when we turned into highschool but as I recall she’s not really that pissed throughout those years. Her most recent anger record was yesterday and the last record of it before yesterday was when we’re on 6th grade! And I don’t want to recall why. I'm blaming that Hugh guy now. I'm blaming that "L" thing! Why does it keep on ruining things for me? And now to my bestfriend as well! What should I do?

“I just asked her who her crush is and after she told me who it is, she acted weird. She even called me ‘Stupid’! I don’t really know what happened to her. But if I confirm that it’s because of that guy…I’m really gonna punch him on the face.”

It was recess time and I’m sharing what happened yesterday to the Gang – Lance, Jake, Daniel and Mike. If I can't think of anything to do by myself, I just cry for my friends' help. They might know how to turn this thing around.

“So, who’s her crush?” Mike asked.

“I don’t know if you know him…”I’m hesitating coz I made a promise.”But you have to promise me not to tell anyone, even Chrixa.”

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They all promised. I can trust them. They never break a promise and they sure will get what they’ll deserve if they spread the secret to the class.

“Well, the guy’s name is..." I look around making sure no one's eavesdropping then continue in a whisper, "Hugh.” And their faces twist with confusion.

“Who’s Hugh?” Jake asked. “Hugh? Like, Hugh Jackman?”

“Yeah, something like that.” I confirmed but hesitated so I added, “I think.”

“I don’t know anyone whose named Hugh.” Daniel said, scratching his head.

“Me too.” said Mike. ”I don’t recall meeting anyone who has that name.”

“Hmm... I'm thinking it could be a code but - ” Lance said, really tinking deep then he caught on something so he asks, ”Mort, how exactly did Chrixa say it?”

“What?” the rest of us ask in chorus. ”Is that really necessary?”, I added, a bit unsure on how this would help.

“Yes!” Lance said seriously. That means his in detective mode. “Just tell me!” He even wore his eyeglasses.

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Daniel, Jake Mike and I look at each other. Then I look at Lance and started telling him how it exactly happened.

I told him about how I didn’t really hear it and how Chrixa’s face looked like it was ready to explode. He’s even asking me the details. Like what happened after the explosion, how Chrixa treated me while I walk her home, etcetera. Good thing I have a sharp memory. Then after that he thought for about 5 minutes. His eyeglasses we’re flashing like he’s really a great detective. And then...

“Hahahahahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

He was laughing like crazy.

The rest of us we’re surprised with his laughter, which got louder and louder by the minute.

“Why are you laughing?” I asked him, smiling. “You already know who Hugh is?” My insides a bit brightened.

He laughed even harder.

“C’mon share it to us Lance!” Jake urged him in interest.

“Yeah!” Daniel too.

“Who’s Hugh?” I asked again, very hopeful.

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“Who’s Hugh?” Lance repeated, emphasizing the name, and laughed so hard again then say, gasping for air, “Chrixa’s very unlucky to have a bestfriend like you Mort. You’re so stupid!”

“Now wait a minute.” I said, a bit offended then ask, “Why am I stupid?”

Lance was stopping himself from laughing any harder and tried to catch his breath, “Mort…” he started, panting, his sentences coming in between breaths. “Chrixa has a crush on Hugh.” he said, as if making things clear.

“Yes, I know that, but I don’t know who Hugh is,” I said with a really big question mark in my head which made me insistingly say, “so tell us!”

Lance laughed but only for awhile this time then says, “Mort, not H-U-G-H Hugh, it’s Y-O-U you! You Mort!” then he continued laughing.

At first I didn’t really understand what he said, but as my mind processed it, the events yesterday replayed in my mind. Me forcing Chrixa to tell who her crush is. Her sweat pouring down as she gathered courage to say it. Me getting anxious which caused me not to hear her say the name –

Suddenly something snapped inside me.

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It was never a name.

I then remember how red she was yesterday as she said-

“YOU!” Jake announced, pointing at me, smiling. I can’t really tell if his eyes widen in surprise or excitement.

“Mort! Chrixa has a crush on you!” said Mike, shaking me and adds, “I knew it would come to a point like this. I knew it. I knew it!” He was so happy.

“Yeah! And Mort is so stupid to not get it immediately.” Lance said and adds, “I thought you were an expert on detecting admiration signs. I thought wrong.”

My insides are acting funny. My mind’s going haywire.

“What?” is the first thing that came out of me. “Me?” My voice high-pitched and very low. Then suddenly I feel chills running down my spine, “Oh no…” I said grimly.

“You’re screwed.” Jake said.

“Yeah…”I agreed. Then my eyes slowly widen as I say, ”because I remember…she said…” my eyes couldn’t get any wider as I recall what Chrixa said yesterday. My insides are panicking as I say, “it’s not just a crush…” small tears are slowly forming in my eyes ”…she said…”I whimper as I finish, ”it’s SOMETHING MORE BIG!”

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Everyone gasped. I slowly clenched my fist and attempted to punch myself. Since I did want to punch Chrixa's "something more big" but I froze. My mind is in chaos. It’s like there are people running around in it trying to piece the parts that have fallen after my realization.

“Oh...no...” Daniel says slowly.

“It’s the ‘L’ thing!” Lance says in a high-pitched tone then covers his mouth as if what he just uttered was taboo.

“You’re screwed!” Jake emphasized it for me.

“Chrixa’s in love with you!” Mike said, emphasizing the “L” word. His face showered with fascination.

I just stared straight as my mind slowly clearing things inside. But as the processing in my mind was completed, my chest started to feel small pinches of pain. My palms find it's way over it. It now hurts, not physically but the kind of pain I think is familiar but feels new.

“She’s…” I said in a whisper still wide-eyed. But then I shook my head and say, “This is not right!” I snapped out of it. Something that I fear the most just happened.

“Oh I don’t think she’d want to hear that from you.” Mike said.

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“She’s my bestfriend Mike!” I exclaimed. “I don’t want her to be…even if…” I stuttered as the pain in my chest locked my tongue.

“Admit it Mort, you feel the same way for her.” Jake said.

“I-I do l-love her…”I said, struggling to make my words clear. “I-I love her so much that I chose to not fall for her. She’s my bestfriend! And I’m afraid! Afraid of - ”

“Afraid of what? Falling in love again?” Daniel asked, his face very serious.

“Yes!” I blurted at him, indicating that I’m very serious too. Then I added, “I’m afraid for her.” Then I just can’t think anymore. “I don’t know about this.” I tried to dodge the possibility and assumed other things. “This is just a theory! What Lance said is not proven yet.” Which is actually true so I continued, “There’s probably a person out there whose name is Hugh. We’re not sure yet so let’s not settle on one possibility.”

“KRIIIIIIING!” The bell rang, signaling the start of the next class.

“Well, you have to ask her if you wanna make it sure, Mort.” Lance said patting my back and went back to his chair.

“You might be right that it’s not proven yet but what if it’s true. You have to be ready.” Mike said and went back to his seat as well.

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Daniel and Jake just patted my back and said, “Good luck.” Then they went back to their seats. And then suddenly my mind flashbacked on the moment Auntie Jane patted my head and wishing me luck. Does she now? I shook my head. No! It's just Lance's theory!

I just sat down on my chair with my mind flying somewhere else. Chrixa couldn’t be in love with me. She said many times, I’m not her type. But then I realize Chrixa lies to me so much. I shook my head again. I shouldn’t entertain this possibility inside my head. I shouldn’t! It’s not right! But I need to make it sure to her tomorrow. You better not be absent Chrixa! You’ve got lots of explaining to do tomorrow. With that said, my heart settled. Let’s get ready for tomorrow.

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CHAPTER 6 Act Normal

The next morning, I entered the school’s gate with my heart pounding loudly. I’m nervous about what’s going to happen today if I see Chrixa. I really hate this! Not this again! Not with my bestfriend! Well, I just have to act normal.

“Mort!” I jerked as Chrixa call me from behind. She then catches up to me and we walked together. Whatever happened the other day, she seemed to have forgotten about it. Not me. As we walk, I can’t help feeling so uncomfortable.

“Oh! H-hi Chrish.” I said, stuttering and giving an awkward smile.

“What’s wrong with you?” She inquired, eyebrows furrowed with worry. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Are you alright?” she asked. She’s actually doing her forgot-about-it-after-one-day style. Somehow that made me slowly relax. If she’s doing that style then Lance’s theory could be wrong and what happened the other day was not really as big as I thought.

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With that in mind I say clearly and with a smile, “Yeah yeah. I’m alright.”

“Oh... Ok...” Chrixa said but I can’t read any relief on her face. I just gave a smile.

Silence followed after a minute. My mind is struggling between asking her about the other day or just act normal and forget about it. Suddenly the awkwardness crept back in me. Then I decided to just ask her and thought that it won’t hurt anyways so I turned to her and say, “Uh Chrish – “

“KRIIIIIIIIIIIIING!”

Great. If the bell was a person, I could’ve punched it already for always interrupting.

We then ran towards our classroom. I decided to just ask her later.

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Lunchtime. I don’t really feel like eating, but suddenly...

“Here take this.”

Chrixa appeared beside me holding up a lime green lunchbox. As I see her face wear one of her cutest smile, I can’t help my mind from getting ahead of me. Now I’m thinking that the reason Chrixa giving me lunch is – NO! I stopped my mind. Dang it Lance! Giving that idea to me! Now I can’t erase it in my head! This is just another prank. I hoped as I ask Chrixa, trying to act suspicious, “What’s inside it?”

It’s gotta be a prank. So inside it would be…

“Lunch. Food.” Chrixa answered immediately. Now I felt truly suspicious and my mind just focused on the prank she did the other day when she gave me lunch. I can’t fall for that again, so I squint my eyes and ask, “Not confetti?”

Chrixa, rolling her eyes and without saying another word, opened the lunchbox.

Real food was actually inside.

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The sight of Adobong manok made me wanna drool but the feeling of Lance’s theory being true slowly dawned on me. I ended up examining the corners of the lunchbox, desperately looking for a confetti.

“Okay…” I said while I touch the food and felt it’s genuinity and ask, awkwardly, “Where’s the confetti?”

“There’s no confetti, stupid!” Chrixa said almost laughing. Somehow the word stupid made me recall her face, opposite to how she’s saying it now, the other day.

“Well…n-no pranks today?” I asked a bt nervous. I can feel the heat of the thought that Lance implanted in my mind. I tried to erase it by asking, “I don’t have to do anything before taking that delicious food? You’re giving it for free?”

“There’s got to be a catch.” I thought, mostly hoping than being sure that there is one.

“I actually thought of making you lick my shoes before giving this to you.” She said, crossing her arm and raising her chin.

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There is a catch! My insides almost rejoice but her next words prevented it to do so.

“But then you wouldn’t accept it so I altered it a bit: If you don’t take this, I’ll force you to kiss me.” Chrixa said, her lips half pouting, half smiling.

“I’ll take it!” I said immediately taking the lunchbox. Trying hard not to mind the “kiss” part which is actually echoing inside my head, giving it nasty images of Chrixa leaning towards me for a kiss. I tried to shake my head but ended up shaking fast but small, like vibrating my head, so that Chrixa won't see it.

“Good boy.” she said, smiling and patting my head. I forcde a smile hoping that she didn’t see my predicament.

“Now eat!” she said cheerfully and took off.

“T-thank you Chrish!” I told her before she could get far. She answered, “You’re welcome!” raising her thumbs up as she walked away.

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I looked at the lunch. Then I noticed that the Gang was snickering from a distance. I can see Lance making heart shapes with his hands. I made a fist shape, which was effective for stopping group antics.

Chrixa’s really strange today. I can feel it. I don’t know why but ever since the idea of her being – I sighed. Ever since that, I just feel different.

After thanking God for the food, I started eating Chrixa’s lunch wondering if she’s the one cooking it. It’s really delicious. As I eat it I feel so different though. I can’t really determine what it is but it’s unpleasant and familiar. Could it be that – No! I patted my chest. I can’t be. Not with Chrixa.

I ate fast and drank a lot of water to drown the things that are stirring inside me. I shook my head and just nailed it to the fact that nothing’s proven yet. I need to make it sure though. So I’ve decided to ask her after class. I can’t let this confusion linger in my heart.

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After dismissal, I lost sight of Chrixa. I’m looking for her because I wanted to ask her about the other day. So that everything is settled and I wouldn’t have to imagine things anymore.

I headed towards the Ipil-ipil tree beside our room but then I hesitated because why would she be there alone? If Lance's theory was right then the possibility of her sitting on the emo rock is high. I got there, sighing in relief, as I see no one. But then I hear familiar voices from my left. It was Chrixa and Karen. They're not under the Ipil-Ipil tree but on the table just a couple of meters near it. That's the comfort table. A table only used by the gang to either hang out or give serious advice. We also do our bible sharing there. I didn’t show up because I think I know what they’re talking about.

“I already told him! But it seems like he didn’t hear it!” Chrixa says in a ranting voice.

I never heard Chrixa talk like that before. Come to think of it, she never really ranted to me before. She always seemed happy whenever we’re together. We didn’t really talk about her problems because it seems like she doesn’t have any. And if she does have a problem, she’d be absent. Back when we were just kids, I went to their house the day she was absent. I just sneaked into their backyard and throw pebbles at

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her window. Then I’d make her go out to play. I always made her happy whenever she’s sad so talking about her problem doesn’t happen between us. I’m also not the guy who pries that much, especially when I know it would be wise not to. So everytime I see that Chrixa has a problem I just make her happy and we just laugh it off.

But now that I hear her talking like that. I felt like there’s a very big distance between us. I want to go there and join Karen helping her with her problems. But then I realized -

“He didn’t hear it?” Karen asked Chrixa.

I am the problem.

“It’s not that he didn’t hear it,” Chrixa is talking like a mature girl. “He’s just so stupid to get it!”

My heart jumped as Chrixa’s words came through it like an arrow, hitting it right on the spot.

“Actually Daniel told me about it,” Karen said, which is not a surprise to me. “He said Mort actually thought that it’s Hugh Jackman.” Karen laughed and that’s when I accepted it.

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Lance’s theory was right.

“He’s really stupid.” Chrixa said the same time I whispered, “I’m really stupid.” Which made me feel really pathetic.

But Chrixa’s next words sent me into the blankness of space.

“But I love him. I love him so much.” she said, softly and sincerely.

Hearing it directly from her feels so...

What? What do I feel?

Nothing.

My heart can’t even process her words. Suddenly I wanted to go and confront Chrixa but what will I say?

Honestly, I have no idea.

I tried to recall the prank she gave me on the first day. The way she hugged me and said those words. The way I got very angry.

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I clenched my fist. Did I hurt her because of that? Did I made her feel that she’ll only hear those three-worded phrase of doom from me if she pushed me into doing so by pressure. I got even more pissed. Now the "L" thing hit my bestfriend. The girl I’ve been trying so hard not to be hurt by that thing! And now she’s experiencing it! Towards me! I felt like crying but then I suppressed it. I reeled myself back to the present, and continued eavesdropping.

“Aren’t you gonna tell him?” Karen asked Chrixa.

“I don’t know.” Chrixa’s voice is almost like a whisper. Full of pain and sadness. “I think I’ll just wait." Chrixa paused then say, "Maybe He has a plan.” And by saying He, I assumed she's talking about God. The way she emphasized the word suggests so.

“Of course He does.” Karen assured Chrixa, which proved my assumption.

What is He planning though? I look up. “What are You planning?” I ask in a whisper.

“I’m going now Karen. Thanks for listening.”

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I can hear Chrixa standing up. I then walked away and planned to act as if I’m just about to go to their spot.

“Oh Chrixa…whenever you need someone to talk to about this, just call me ok?” Karen said as Chrixa stood up.

“Ok...” Chrixa replied weakly. “...bye.”

I was pretending of calling her out from afar as I poke my head from my hiding spot and glanced at them, pretending to twitch my head as if I wasn't expecting them to be there.

“There you are.” I said to Chrixa so normal that it surprised even me. Chrixa jerked as she saw me.

“You can go home already, Mort.” she said not looking at me but the ground. I can see her face now. She looks so sad as she adds, “You don’t have to wait for me.”

“Are you serious? We’re always going home together. Of course I’ll wait for you.” I said thinking that I have to act as normal as possible, for now.

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Karen gave me a smile. I smiled back. She usually pries a lot but, right now, she’s acting like Auntie Jane. Letting us deal with it ourselves.

Chrixa didn’t make a sound after that.

Our walk home is the longest walk I’ve ever had with her. I wanted to tell her something but I’m afraid to make a wrong move and screw it up so bad. So I remained silent. I don’t really know what to say to her at the moment anyway so silence is the best thing to do.

I looked at her back as she walks ahead of me. I don't ever want her to end just like me. Isolating herself into loneliness. Shutting down interactions wih friends. The kind of symptoms those hopeless romantic people go through. If I wanted to help her, the next move should be clear: Enter the "L" thing with her. But I can't. I know how sensitive a heart is. I don't want to pretend I lo - I stopped myself. Even saying the word is difficult for me now. How much more putting it into action.

We reached her home both looking gloomy. I don’t know if Auntie Jane knows what’s happening but I smiled for her, to give her an assurance that it’s nothing big, and bid goodbye. I bid Chrixa

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goodbye too but she just walked straight into their house, not looking back.

Later that night, I just can’t sleep right away. Chrixa’s voice is echoing inside my head.

“I love him so much.”

AH! I sat up and prayed.

“Father, please provide the answers to my questions. What do you want me to do God? How do you want me to react to this? I love her God but I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want to destroy our friendship. So please God show me the way and guide me through it. I know You’ll never leave me. And I know that You will be with her, especially now that she badly needs your guidance. And for that, I thank you Father. Thank you so much for everything. All these things I ask in Your Name, Amen.”

Somehow it made me feel good. With that, I slowly drifted to sleep.

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“Mort!” I heard Chrixa’s voice calling me. I slowly opened my eyes and saw her face. Her beautiful face shines as she smiled at me. I was lying down on a patch of grass. She made me stood up and we found ourselves in a huge field of beautiful flowers. She grabbed me and we ran around the field. We were very happy. Then Chrixa dragged me near a cliff. “Whoa!” I said, stopping and pulling Chrixa away from it. Chrixa smiled and pulled me towards it. “C’mon! Don’t be afraid.” She said, smiling. Then she let go of me and moved closer to the edge of the cliff. “Hey Chrixa, don’t!” I told her, but she just smiled and said, “Jump with me.” Then she let herself fall from the cliff. I tried to grab her but it's too late. I watched her fall down into the chasm of darkness shouting,

“CHRIXA!!!! NO!!!”

I woke up panting. I realized I’m on the edge of my bed, my right arm dangling towards the floor of my bedroom. It was a nightmare!

I then sat up my bed and turn on my lamp on the table beside me.

The nightmare never left my mind even after waking up. It keeps on replaying in my mind and, for what seems like an hour, I sat on my

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bed thinking what it meant. Chrixa falling. I helplessly watch her as she falls. Smiling.

A sudden pain shot through my chest. I slapped my head thinking, “How could I be so stupid to let her fall! Why didn’t I see it coming?”

Once again, Chrixa caught me off guard. And it left me feeling awful again. But this time I don’t think it would only be for a while. This ones going to last long. And no lunchbox or knucklehead can make it any shorter.

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CHAPTER 7 I will save her. Or me.

“Good morning Mort!”

Chrixa showed up in front of me, cheerful. Which made me raise one brow. Atleast the forget-everything-overnight attitude of hers is still in tacked.

“Morning Chrish…” I said, voice hoarse from discomfort of a bad morning. I don’t feel awkward. I just feel so awful that I chose to forget what I heard yesterday.

“What’s wrong with you?” Chrixa asked, clearly concerned.

“I haven’t slept well.” I answered, pointing to my eye bags.

“Why?” she asked.

I looked at Chrixa. I can’t help not feeling furious towards her act of having no idea why I look like crap. But as my eyes linger on her face I can’t help admiring her beauty. It’s as if she’s dazzling in the morning sun.

I shook my head.

“Nightmare.” I said in almost a whisper.

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“Oh…” Chrixa looked away, as if realizing it's her fault. “That’s bad.”

“Yeah.” I said, thinking that it is her fault but realizing it’s also mine.

“KRIIIIIIIIIING!” the loud bell snapped me out of the aftermath of my nightmare.

“We better hurry!” Chrixa said then grabbed my hand.

Woosh!

A wave of current shot through my arm from her grasp making my eyes widen and my heart beat fast.

She’s held my hand hundreds of times before but now it just feels so different. I slowly let go of her hand as to not make her suspicious. I can feel myself shivering not in disgust but something else. Something I don’t want to entertain.

During class, my mind was flying again. I can’t almost hear our teacher lecturing in front. I feel really dizzy that I can’t help closing my eyes.

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“KRIIIIIIIIIIING!”

I jumped as the bell rang. It’s already lunchtime. I slept through the whole morning classes! As I look around, the Gang was looking at me worriedly, including Chrixa.

“Mort, are you okay?” Chrixa asked. Her face infront of mine. Shining.

“We tried to wake you men but – “Mike cut Lance off with a “shhhh!”

They are letting Chrixa tend to me. These guys.

I looked at Chrixa. I tried to focus on her worried look, not the shining one. I forced a smile and said, “Yes! I’m okay.”

“You don’t look okay.” Chrixa pointed out, really worried. I can’t help seeing her face and imagine that – arrgh! I looked away.

“I’ll be fine Chrish.” I said, dropping my pretense of cheerfulness. My eyes twitched as I struggle between looking at her or not. I forced one last look at her face then add, “No need to worry.”

“Well, you better be fine.” she said, handing me the lime green lunchbox. “And you better eat!”

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My eyebrows meet at the sight of the lunchbox and ask, “You brought me lunch again?” Somehow I’m a bit annoyed.

“Yeah!” she said. Then to my surprise, she grabbed my chin and forced my face to tilt towards her. I squinted as if blinded by the shine of her face while she said, “Get used to it!” She dropped my chin in such force, I had to close my eyes as my head almost bang the arm of my chair. She’s pissed. Which woke me up a bit. I don’t know if she does but I think she has a hunch that I already know. Or probably she just remembers that I look like this during my epic hit at the bottom last year. She did say after I recovered that she doesn’t want to see that kind of face ever again. But she saw it today. Once again, it made me feel really guilty. Not just making her worry about me but hurting her every time I ignore her feelings for me. Whether she knows that I know it or not.

I stared at Chrixa as she walks out. I wanna chase her and confront her but my knees won’t even move.

“Hey Mort!” Mike interrupted my thoughts.

He and the gang came close to me. I completely forgot their still around. I looked at them sort of dazed by my thoughts.

“How’s it going?” Mike asked, giving me a worried look.

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I looked at their faces one by one. Each wears a worried face and each waiting for my answer so I softly say, “Lance’s right.”

I turned to Lance and said, “I am stupid...” I turned to the others saying, “...and she did fall for me.”

They probably thought that Lance’s theory was just a big joke to tease me with before, because now their eyes widened. I assumed they realized now the weight of Lance’s theory because Jake suddenly said seriously, “Huddle time.” then we huddled. We only huddle if something really serious happened to any of us.

“Really?” Jake asked as soon as we huddled..

“Does this face look like its joking?” I said pointing to my face.

Seeing my face proves to them that I'm telling the truth. I didn't really look at my face in the mirror, but I must look really pitiful to make them go silent.

“How’d you know?” Lance asked, breaking the silence.

“I overheard them yesterday. Karen and her.” I said, looking at Daniel. He smiled apologetically and say, “I have to, you know. She’s bugging me about seeing Chrixa so affected by it.”

I recalled Chrixa’s tone yesterday. I also witnessed how affected she is so I understand Karen and Daniel. I didn’t say a word.

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“So, what’s the plan now?” Jake asked me. But before I can answer Lance said, “Isn’t obvious? Mort should fall for her too!”

Mike and Daniel gave him a slap on the head for that.

“I was just joking!” Lance said, rubbing his head. Good thing, Chrixa and Karen are not in the room at the moment.

“It’s not funny.” I said weakly.

Lance tilted his head down and agreed with me saying, “I know...” and adds, “Sorry.” Then he smiled.

“But really, Mort, what are you planning to do?” Daniel asked, bringing back the heat of the conversation. Among everyone, he might be the most likely person who'd want me to take it in maturely. I know because that’s what he’s been doing with his "fallling" life.

“I don’t know.” I said while trying to scour my mind for answers. Nothing came up.

“You should talk to her.” Mike suggested.

“I’ll try but what will I tell her?” I asked not sure to whom. Myself or them.

“Tell her that you know.” suggested Jake.

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“Tell her that I know?” I asked Jake, my mind throbbing in pain, then added, “What happens after that?”

There was a short silence but then Daniel said, “Look, Mort, if you don’t want to fall with her then tell her that you both should just stay as bestfriends. If she really loves you she’d understand, right?”

The rest of the Gang say, “Yeah”s and “That’s right!”s randomly except me. I tried to consider what Daniel said but then I remember Chrixa’s voice yesterday. The way she said it. The pain she surely felt during that time. I still can’t erase the pain that hit me when I heard her say that phrase. My bestfriend. Falling in love. With me! It’s too painful to even imagine myself telling her that I know and it’s okay but she have to stay as my bestfriend despite her feelings for me because I don’t feel the sa-

My thoughts suddenly stopped.

“Do I not feel the same?” I thought to myself.

I shook my head violently which surprised the Gang. The huddle was broken.

“Whoa!” Daniel exclaimed while some of them held my shoulder to stop me. I didn’t realize that tears have been flying around from my eyes as I shake. I then wiped it as I stop the shaking to hide it from the Gang but failed.

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“Mort, what is the problem?” Daniel asked, really worried now.

“All of it!” I choked, the pain surging in my brain and in my chest is preventing from letting the words out properly. “All this romance thing is my problem!” I added almost on the verge of crying.

“Why?” Daniel asked.

“Because!” I said, trying to stop myself from crying.

Everytime I think of falling, I’m reminded about the pain that I felt the last time I did. That cliff was really deep I almost thought it was endless!

Last year, I fell for a girl named Rochelle. She’s very beautiful and really smart. Having recently fallen and landed at the bottom real hard, her view of romance was wide and dark. She’s been my crush since the start of highschool and when I decided to talk her, I learned she felt the same. I was always there to cheer her up last year because she always prefers to be alone. I succeeded on making her cheer up, of course and after three months I tried to court her. But she said she’s not ready and told me to wait 10 years. I was so willing to wait that I got myself ready. I told her I’d wait even if it takes forever. I was so happy when I fell for her. The fall might be long but I pictured that there’d be no bottom but a soft cushion waiting for me at the end so it will all be worth it because I love her and she said she loves me too. Everything was going well. I’m happy with her and she with me. But then the cliff

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changed. It got dark. It started swaying in many directions. She started avoiding me and she won’t even tell me why. I tried to reach her but I ended up reaching the bottom. Hitting not just its hard surface but the spikes protruding from it. One night, she texted me that she still loves her ex-boyfriend but she loves me too. She said she was confused. I know by then that it’s worthless trying to win her back and since I did love her, I told her that she has the freedom to choose between us and that I will accept it with all of my heart. And even if I did say I will accept it, I can’t help to feel that excruciating pain when she ended up choosing her ex. I know that she thanked me for being there when she was at her bottom. She thanked me for the happiness I’ve given her when she was sad. I know that she apologized and I forgave her. But the pain is unavoidable! It hurt so much that even now I can still feel it.

“Last year...” I was struggling when the Gang huddled around me to cover me from the rest of the class. “with Rochelle...the pain...I don’t want C-Chrixa to feel it...” is all that came out after that painful recollection of my past. They already know what happened to me. They we’re there when I was at the bottom and they helped me up. Including Chrixa. So the pain of knowing that she fell for me, after witnessing my state, after hitting the bottom, and the pain of thinking that my bestfriend might end up the same state as me is just so excruciating.

“Mort…” Daniel clasp his hand on my shoulder. “What happened to you in the past won’t happen to Chrixa.” he said, as if reading my

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mind, then added, “and you can’t deprive her of the lessons she can learn by getting hurt. So you shouldn’t worry.”

“Yeah.” Jake agreed, his voice is cloaked with an unusual seriousness then adds, “Just don’t forget that even if she do hit the bottom, we’ll still be there for her.” He gestured to the others. And I saw them smiling encouragingly.

I was calming down when they all patted my back, telling me that falling is not such a bad thing and that Chrixa will be fine and that God would be with us if we just pray unceasingly.

Everyone is really trying hard to make it easy for me. But then I remembered the dream. I did pray to God what to do last night and he gave me the dream. Surely it means something so I told them about it. The field of flowers. Chrixa and I being happy. Her willingness to fall while I shout with her at her falling figure.

They all got quiet when I’m done sharing it to them.

“That’s something.” Lance said, a bit disturbed with what I’ve said.

“C’mon guys…it’s just a dream.” Mike said, “We don’t know what God really plans for Mort.”

“Yeah.” Jake agreed. “For now, we’ll be leaving it up to you Mort. Think about it.”

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“Pray for it.” Daniel added. "And you have our prayers too."

“Surely He’ll give you the answer.” Lance smiled, the uncertainty ebbing away from him. “Whatever that dream meant.”

Then as they moved away from the huddle, the bell rang. They then settled to their seats as they each give me an encouraging pat to the shoulders and the back. It also gave me a relief to realize that our other classmates was unaware of our conversation in the huddle because they were too busy having their own conversation. Chrixa was not in the room that whole time, too, as I see her enter the room panting. Which gave me extra relief. It would’ve been difficult if I have to endure seeing her wallow in sadness on her seat while the whole afternoon classes are going on. Karen, as I see her after Chrixa, entered the room and also panting. Daniel and her both stared at each other then glanced at me. It’s as if they’re telepathically communicating with each other. Karen gave me a worried look.

Chrixa, however, was surprisingly happy. Which gave me the assurance of the Gang’s words. Leave it all to God and pray for it.

I took a deep breath, releasing all the negative thinking I had before replacing them with a new and happy determination of being a better best friend to Chrixa.

I then prayed a short prayer, asking God for guidance, as our teacher for the next period came in our classroom.

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“KRIIIIIIIIIIING!”

Dismissal time.

The afternoon classes helped me forget about the whole drama during lunch time, especially the surprise quiz during our Math period. Chrixa and I were walking together on the hallway heading to the gates plunged in the conversation about the Math quiz. She then talks to much about her summer, how she got the new look, etc. We didn't really hang out last summer since Auntie Jane and her went out of town. She looks so happy, sharing her stories, while I look at her. Everything seems normal again. And I can help myself feeling that I did miss her absence during summer. I was so happy being with her right now that the happiness was probably shown through my face for her to ask, “You’re creeping me out! Stop smiling like an idiot while looking at me!”

I flinched at her words and laugh a bit saying, “Nah, I was just amused by your enthusiasm of sharing your adventures during the summer...” then I slowly acted sad as I say, “ while I’m all by myself at home feeling so lonely.” I gave her a forceful frown.

“Ah! So you did miss me, huh?” she asked smiling.

“I never said, I didn’t.” I said, smiling back but gave her a threathening look as I say, “So you have to compensate for your absence.”

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She gave a high-pitched, “Ah-“ as if choking from my sudden demand. Then say, “Fine!” and asked, “What do you have me do then?”

I grinned then asked her, “Are you free tomorrow?”

She seemed surprise with the question. I overlooked the thought that she’s surprised because she might think it’s a date but I think its just a hangout. She’s my bestfriend after all and we’ve been hanging out hundreds of times before during weekends anyway.

“Well…I think so…yeah.” She said a bit uncertain.

“Okay. Let’s watch a movie tomorrow. I think X-men Origins: Wolverine is showing. Let’s watch it.” I smiled.

“Are you kidding me?” she said, one eyebrow raised in suspicion. Or probably remembering the Hugh Jackman incident. But I just brushed off the assumption.

“Nope.” I smiled. “C’mon I’m not making fun of you.” Trying to evade the possible talk about the incident on the actor's name.

“Oh…” she suddenly turned her head down but then she smiled. “Okay!”

“Good!” I said, “Better prepare some money coz you’re paying for everything.”

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“What?”

“Compensation!” I pointed at her.

“Fine!” she exclaimed crossing her arm but slowly smiled.

There was a short silence then we broke into laughter.

We laughed and talked about movies the rest of the way.

It felt good! Instead of letting her cower in sadness, I decided to just be a good bestfriend to her. I threw her a rope that will bring her back to the field of flowers. To be clear: It's not a date. We’re always hanging out anyway. Being bestfriends, we always go out on weekends. I can’t let a certain feeling destroy what we already have. I smiled the biggest smile as I went home. Tomorrow is gonna be the greatest bestfriend day ever!

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CHAPTER 8 Am I gonna fall too?

Before sleeping, I prayed to God, thanking Him about what He did today. I also asked for His guidance towards the path that He wants me to take. After that, I had my teeth brushed, which I forgot to do before praying, then I went to sleep. Tomorrow would be a wonderful day so I closed my eyes and slept with a smile on my face.

“Mort!”

It’s Chrixa’s voice again. I opened my eyes to see her face. She grabbed my hand and then we both ran through a field covered with beautiful flowers. We we’re very happy. Then there’s the cliff. Chrixa went closer to it. She said, “Jump with me.” I replied, without hesitation, “Okay! Let’s fly!” Then we jumped. We happily glided through the air, not minding what awaits us at the bottom. Then something glowed beneath us. It was a big ball of light! Chrixa grabbed my hands and shouted, “Here it goes!” We fell into it and there was a sudden flash! Then we found ourselves sitting on a patch of grass under a young Acacia tree situated on top of a small hill. We laughed and enjoyed the beauty of the clouds as we lie down the grass under the tree. We were comparing cloud formations to things in life, like a beard, a bunny, a car, etc. We watched the clouds until something else formed. The white clouds suddenly turned dark and it swirled above us. We held on to the

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nearby young Acacia tree as a tornado formed above us, huge and ominous. Chrixa was very scared. I told her to not let go of the tree but the wind was so strong and the tornado was pulling us. Chrixa’s hands slipped but I managed to grab hold of her hand before she was swept by the turbulent wind. “I’m never gonna let go of her!” I said to myself. But her hand was slipping from mine. It’s only a matter of time before she – “NO! Chrixa! NOOOOOOO!” she was carried off by the strong wind.

“RIIIIIIIIING!”

My ringing cellphone woke me up, my breath puffing in and out faster than normal. I exhaled and took my cellphone. Chrixa was calling. I answered it.

“H-Hello Chrish!” I said hoarsely, my breath reaching a relatively normal rhythm by now.

“You just woke up, didn’t you?” she asked, her tome a bit worried. I then checked the time from a digital clock on my study table and was surprised to see it was already 8:30 in the morning. I slapped my head as the realization of being late for our hangout today suddenly cleared my mind from the fuzziness of waking from a bad dream.

“I overslept! I’m sorry Chrish! I’ll just move like a flash!” I said, as I jumped out of my bed, grabbed the towel and put down the phone. Ignoring Chrixa as she say, “No no no Mort! Wait!”

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I am not gonna add more time of being late becuase she will definitely do something awful about it.

So as fast as I can, I took a bath, wore decent clothes, ate my breakfast and run off to their house.

I was panting when I reach her crossed arm figure, my hands on my knees and my eyes on her tapping shoes. I made her wait by putting up a fore finger. After what seem like a minute I was able to catch my breath.

“I have a bad news.” She said as I look up at her.

I let out a final blow of exhaustion and say, “Don’t tell me...”

“Yep. No hangout today.” she said smiling

I shrugged.

“I tried to tell you but you hang up!” she said not least bit guilty.

I just brush it off and said, “Yeah yeah yeah.” I went back to leaning forward, my hands on my knees, then I look at her and ask, “What’s so important than our hangout anyways?”

She smiled and said, “I have an audition.”

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“What?!” I asked, a bit enraged then added in a scowl, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU’RE HAVING AN AUDITION?! HUH!?”

We actually talk about it in the past that if she ever joins an audition she will have to tell me weeks before the audition so I can cheer her on. It’s actually one of those promises that we swore not to break so I’m a bit angry to gain knowledge about her audition hours before it.

Chrixa laughed guiltily. “I’m sorry! It just came all of a sudden and I was gonna surprise you.”

“As your bestfriend, I have the right to know when you’re fulfilling your dreams!” I exclaimed.

“Okay…”Chrixa said cooly,”…why don’t you come with then?”

“Where? The audition?” I asked but then answered right away “Of course I’m coming! Even if you don’t want to.”

Chrixa laughed and said, “Well then we better hurry because I’m getting late!”

Then she pulled my hand and we both ran towards an approaching public utility multicab which is not wrong of assuming that we’re needing the ride.

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Chrixa told me that Auntie Jane was working so she can’t come today when I asked her about her mom. We then talked about her audition and what’s it for. It’s actually for a new project of some production company. They want to look for new fresh talents for a new movie that they’re planning to make. Chrixa was so excited about it. I can see it on her face. I felt happy too but I can’t just brush off from my mind that if she passes this she might go somewhere far leaving me behind. The thought somehow brings my spirits down so I shook my head to not ruin my day or Chrixa’s moment.

We arrived at the venue and fell in line. I accidentally followed Chrixa on the line. We were talking too much that I didn’t notice, I signed up my name on the audition as well. Chrixa smiled. She was planning it all along!

I got nervous. It’s actually part of my dream to be on this industry too but not as an actor. I’m always fascinated by the art of filmmaking. And dreamed that one day I’ll be creating films as well. Of course, Chrixa knows it and said that she’d volunteer as an actress.

“Chrixa! You’re crazy!” I said to her as we move away from the line for signing in. She just laughed.

We then practiced the sample script that’s given to us to act out in the audition. It’s actually a script for pairs. Chrixa knew I’d be coming so she actually set me up. I have no choice but to comply. Now I know what she meant when she wants to surprise me. The script made me

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feel awkward, though. It's a script between two characters. Lovers. And I can’t help remember that awful feeling of falling for her which I shook off right away. “Chrixa is my bestfriend!” I reminded myself inside.

The audition started after two hours. I was really nervous which made me doubt that I’d be able to perform properly but when it’s our turn to act, we managed to pull it off just fine...

Not!

Chrixa was –obviously- so good! I, however, stuttered too much.

“Don’t blame me!” I said to Chrixa, still feeling embarrassed after our turn for performing, “I wasn’t ready!”

“But you were so good during practice!” I know she's just saying this to make me feel better.

“I got stage fright.” I said, knowing it's a pathetic excuse.

She smiled too. “I know! You should’ve seen your face, it’s really funny!” Then she laughed.

“Hey!”

Then I gave her a knucklehead. She deserved it for pulling me here.

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After the event, Chrixa and I had our dinner in a fastfood. I just ate a burger, since I’ve eaten a lot out of nervousness during the audition, while Chrixa ate the largest meal in the menu. She never ate during the audition.

“I shoulvn’t eat voo mush!” she gasped as she talked with her mouth full.

“Hey! Don’t talk while you’re mouth is full!” I say, wiping the bits of rice that flew from her mouth to my face, then added with a genuine worry. “And you should eat! You’re gonna die if you won’t, you didn’t eat lunch.”

After drinking water and gulping the food with it, she then say, “But I might get fat and ugly!”

“Hey! Being fat is not ugly.” I tell her with a disapproving look.

“I didn’t mean that!” she said for defense then reasoned, “I meant I’m ugly if I get fat.”

“No, you’re not!” I said shaking my head. “You’re beautiful whatever shape you’re in.” I smiled and felt a sudden warmth upon saying that. I overlooked it as she asked happily, “Really?”

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Then I took it back by saying no and telling her that she’s the ugliest person in the world. I was laughing when she crossed her arm and pushed her food towards me saying she’s not eating it.

The day felt so perfect that the memory of the past days’ problems were erased. It is so much better like this. Chrixa and I being best friends. Although the thought of thinking about her more than my best friend doesn’t fail to disturb me while I’m with her, I still can’t imagine myself and her being together in a more intimate relationship. I just shook it off everytime it gives a hint of surfacing inside me.

I got home feeling so relaxed. Now I don’t have to worry about anything. I’m letting God do the rest and just live life to the fullest.

I slept that night without the nasty dream disturbing me.

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CHAPTER 9 So happy to fall!

Sunday. I woke up early today. It’s been a month since Chrixa and I went to church together. Like I said, they went on a vacation during summer time. And yesterday before going home we decided to have our hangout today instead. After going church of course. I went to their house to pick her up.

“Ding dong.”

“Good Morning Auntie!” I greeted Auntie Jane, as she opened the gate on her usual morning get-up. An apron tied around her waist and her hair pony-tailed. She looks younger than her age because she keeps her body fit and her face flawless. Which explains a lot why Chrixa is so beautiful.

I beamed at Auntie Jane and asked, “Is Chrixa ready to go?”

“Mort! You’re early,” Auntie Jane said, also beaming and is not surprised. I was always early everytime I pick up Chrixa, so I’m glad that she’s absent yesterday and did not witness my poor state for coming late.

“Chrixa just went in the shower.” Auntie Jane said as she ushers me inside their house and laughed as we both said, “As usual.” It has been a usual occurence before that Chrixa just went for a bath

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everytime I pick her up so Auntie Jane and I always have a laugh about it.

"Did you eat already?” Auntie Jane asked me while I follow her to the kitchen. I'm practically family here so I don't feel one bit embarassed as I take my place on one of the chairs on the kitchen table.

“Nah…Chrixa told me to have my breakfast here.” I told Auntie Jane witha smile.

I then started to eye on the food laid out on the table. If the scent won't invite you to eat it, the looks will. The sight of the perfectly sliced potatoes and carrots and pork swimming in an orange soup on the bowl of a Pork Caldereta made my stomach churn. Of course I have to remember some manners and wait for the hosts to join me on the table but since it would take a million years for Chrixa to join on the table, Auntie Jane told me to eat first. I thanked her for it and joked about not being able to suppress my drool over the delicious food infront of me. She laughed. I thought she's taking it as a compliment but then she said, "Tell that to Chrixa. She woke up early to cook that for you." She ended that with a smile. A suspicious smile.

I didn't think of anything else except I now confirmed that it really was Chrixa who cooked those food she gave me for lunch.

I then prayed and dig in the glorious food not replying to Auntie Jane about what she said. As expected, the food was really delicious!

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“Mort? You’re here already?”

I can feel Chrixa just came out of the bathroom, so I didn’t look and told her, “Yeah! Go dress up already!”

“Yeah…yeah…”Chrixa said, “Why are you not looking?”

“Really Chrish?”I said knowing she’s making fun of me.

“C’mon it’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before…”

“Chrixa! We were too young back then! Go dress up!” I closed my eyes.

I can hear her laugh. And went inside her room. “Glad to have a gentleman for a bestfriend.” She shouted from her room. I can see Auntie giggling as she wash some dishes on the sink.

I smiled and shouted back, “I didn’t do that to impress you, you know! I’m just born with it!”

I can hear her laugh. Aunti Jane did too and added, "Oh really?"

"Really really!" I said proudly.

“I’m not even gonna comment on that!” Chrixa shouted from her room.

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“Just go dress up already!” I shouted back.

Then I spent the next 15 minutes waiting for her to finish dressing up and fixing herself. Not bad for me though since most of that time I'm eating.

Auntie is revealing Chrixa’s secrets to me as we wait for her on the kitchen. Some secrets I already know, some I don't. Auntie was close to reveal what Chrixa really feels for me but Chrixa cuts her off as she joins us on the kitchen. The table became even more noisy upon her arrival.

We then left after eating and having our teeth brushed. Yes, I have a toothbrush ready in their house. It’s practically my second house.

We attended the last mass in the morning since Chrixa took so long to dress up and it was a long breakfast too which comprised of mostly talking than eating. The mass ended by leaving us the mesage of spreading love by being compassionate towards others like how our Lord and Savior did during His time.

After the mass, we decided to watch the movie we’re supposed to watch yesterday. But X-men is not showing anymore so we watched The Princess and the Assassin, a movie that’s produced by the same production company that hosted the audition yesterday. My favorite character there was the assassin, Markus Rover. And I think Chrixa is

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imagining that she’s the Princess in the movie. It’s a really cool movie. Now I got nervous for the result of the audition.

After the movie, we ate food to compensate the lunch that we missed.

“They never revealed Markus’ face!” Chrixa ranted as we seat inside Jollibee, two servings of Champ laid down on the table. “I was looking forward for it.” She added as she muched her enormous burger.

“I’m certain there’s a sequel.” I said, also munching the beffy goodness of the burger. “The journey’s not completed yet.”

“Yeah. But why would they pick such a handsome actor for the role just to cover his face." Chrixa said proving that she really did a research.

“I don’t know.” I said and added as a joke, “It’s fine with me though. I actually requested the director to just cover my face because girls might be dreaming of my handsome face.”

Chrixa acted like she’s gonna puke. I laughed.

“I wonder what the result of the audition is.” Chrixa said suddenly altering the conversation which is fine by me. “They said they’ll just call the passers today. It’s almost the end of the day.”

I patted Chrixa’s back.

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“Don’t worry Chrish. I’m certain that you got in.” I smiled.

She smiled too.

“RIIIIIIIIIIIING!”

Her phone rang conincidentally. We both look at each other. She then got her phone from her pocket, stood up and answered it.

I stood up too, to listen.

“Hello?” she said to the phone nervously which she set to loud speaker.

“Hello, is this Ms. Sun?” a guy is calling. The voice is familiar. He’s from the audition!

“Uh, Yes, it’s me speaking.” Chrixa said, grinning nervously.

“I would like to congratulate you Ms. Sun…” Chrixa was about to jump. “…you passed the first screening of the audition! Just wait for our message for the schedule of the second screening... ”

Then the only thing I can hear was Chrixa saying, “Yes…Yes…Thank you!” then she put down her phone beaming at me.

Chrixa and I rejoiced the moment she put her phone back in her pocket.

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“YES!”

Chrixa and I danced and jumped then she hugged me.

“Thanks Mort!” she said. I smiled and said, “You’re welcome!”

But then she stopped hugging me and said. “But how about you?”

“Nah…It’s okay!” I said cheerfully. “What’s important is that you passed. Being an actor is definitely not for me.”

She smiled her most beautiful smile then she hugged me again. “Thank you so much Mort!” then she whispered, “I love you.”

My heart jumped. I literally paused for 5 seconds. “I love you too Chrish…” I whispered back.

Then we got quiet for a while. My heart is pounding so loud I think she heard it. I then cut off the silence by letting go of her and saying, “We better tell this to your mom!” I gave her a smile.

“You’re right!” she agreed and smiled as well.

We then got home like nothing weird had happened. Whatever that moment was when we exchanged the “magic phrase” it’s a ll just a friendly gesture. Atleast that’s what I think. I’m not sure about her.

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The thought of not being so big about it left me feeling so guilty though. I was slapping myself many times when I’m walking towards my house. “Why did I reply?” I muttered as I enter the gate to our house. I know we've said that many times to each other before but something tells me that I shouldn’t have done it. It felt entirely not how bestfriends would say it. I can’t help not wonder how Chrixa could’ve felt. I’m praying so hard that she wouldn’t have any negative feelings because of it.

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CHAPTER 10 Here comes the Tornado!

Monday. I still can’t forget about that akward moment yesterday. I tried to shake it off but that weird dream made it even more difficult to forget. In the dream I feel really happy while falling with her. Then there’s that young Acacia tree and that tornado. I tried so hard to act ignorant of it’s meaning but it seemed obvious. If ever I fall with her in real life, we’ll be happy, but then there’s that tornado! Something will pull her away from me! And would definitely hurt the both of us! Would it be that audition thing? Then I realized that in real life, I refuse to fall for her and I want her to stay as my bestfriend. That way, even the tornado comes, it wouldn’t matter. We’d still be happy. As bestfriends.

To compensate for yesterday, I decided to just forget about the dream and the incident and focus only on being a good bestfriend not just to Chrixa but also with the Gang. And to brush off the assumption that the incident yesterday affected Chrixa negatively, I got desperate to see her and prove that she’s okay. I just want to see those smiles. The assumption had to stay in me for a long time though because she’s absent.

“KRIIIIIIIIIING!”

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Lunchtime. I decided not to eat my lunch because I feel hungry but not hungry. I wanted to eat but it seems my stomach doesn’t want to be filled.

I was almost on the verge of being really sure not to eat when I received a text message from Chrixa. It said,

Hey s2pid! :p Eat ur lunch ok! If u don’t want da pranks 2 go back, u better eat! I’ve got my eyes der so don’t try 2 act urself out. EAT UP!! >:0 P.S. Having da 2nd screening of the audition 2day. Need your prayers!! >.<

I smiled. And replied,

(-_-) Alright… I’ll eat…sheesh…

P.S. We’ll pray for you, Chrish! Knock ‘em dead! God Bless you! :D

I then stood up to buy lunch. Lance also reminded me to eat. I guessed they were the eyes.

Her message made me feel relieved too. Thank God, she’s okay. Probably I’m just over reacting. I sighed and just prayed that she get

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through the audition before eating my lunch that I bought from the school’s canteen, which is a cup of rice and a buttered chicken. After praying, my confidence of her getting the lead role shot up. God blessed her with such good acting skills so worrying about her is out of the question.

The day at school without Chrixa is not bad too. I told the Gang about our hang out yesterday but leaving the awkward part untold. Daniel, being the mature one as usual, still thinks I have to tell her that I know about her feelings for me as soon as I can because if I wait any longer I would really regret it. But I, along with the rest of the Gang, thinks that I would regret it more if I tell her. Daniel gave up persuading me afterwards but left a warning:

“Pretending that nothing serious is happening now will surely hit you hard later.”

I just mehed at him but deep inside I’m kinda worried. It was a very close call yesterday so what Daniel said might happen to me. But then I decided to just keep to my resort of letting go and letting God.

The next day came with me catching up to Chrixa in the hallway.

“Good morning Chrish!” I greeted her cheerfully as I approached.

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“Morning…” she said glumly, not tilting her head to face me. She looked dejected.

“Is everything alright?” I ask worriedly and a bit nervous.

“Yes…” she lied, and badly at that.

“Right…”I said sarcastically then added, “Your face tells me that you’re not okay. What’s wrong Chrish?”

“Nothing…”she said almost a whisper.

I’m a bit annoyed about her attitude of showing ultimate sadness all over her face and lying about it with her words so I ended up exclaiming, “C’mon Chrish, just tell me! What are bes – “

“I TOLD YOU I’M FINE!” she cut me mid sentence, her rage surprising. She then walked faster leaving me stunned on my spot.

“Chrixa?” I said as confused as I was when she did the same thing when she called me “Stupid” several days ago.

I wanna catch up to her but I can’t seem to move faster. This is the second time she shouted at me like that. It feels like I can’t do anything about it. What did I do now that made her act like that? I then assumed that it’s probably because of her audition yesterday and didn’t entertain the possibility that it’s because of the “magic phrase” incident the day before.

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“KRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!”

Lunchtime. I brought my lunch today and I showed it to Chrixa thinking that it would cheer her up.

“Hey Chrish! Look what I’ve got!” I tell her cheerfully while shaking my lunchbox infront of her, “It’s my lunch! This time I brought one for myself. Tell me you’re not proud.” I ended up with a smile.

She remained silent. Her eyes slowly forming a frightening glare at my lunch box. My heart sank when I see her cluthing the usual lime green lunch box on her lap. Now I totally regret bringing my own lunch. Then I urged myself hard to think that it was for herself this time until my heart couldn’t sink even more low when I see a pink lunchbox is lying under her seat. Without warning, she slammed the lime green one on the pink one and continued whatever it is her writing lately on the arm of her chair. It was some kind of a form.

I gulped and asked, “How did the audition go?”

But the realization that asking about the audition was a bad idea dawned in me so late that before I could apologize, she stood up and walked out of the room. She was crying. And for the second time in one day, she left me frozen on my place. This time the confusion of her actions did not just hit me but the rest of the Gang, as well, as they observed the whole thing.

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The Gang asked me what happened. What can I tell them? Even I don’t know why she’s acting like that. Now it felt like our hangout last weekend happended many years ago. Whatever caused her actions, I pushed myself to think that it’s not because of what Daniel was talking about but it was because of her audition yesterday. It was indeed her dream to become an actress her whole life so feeling very upset about not going in is the most likely reason for her outrageous actions.

I gave my lunch to Lance. I lost my appetite. I also went over and check if the pink lunch box has food in it. It has. Just a sandwich with tomato, lettuce and mayo between it. I checked the lime green one and felt my appetite go back as I see what's inside; A dried marinitated beef sitting on top of a rice, coated with margarine, a bit messy after her slamming it. My appetite back down again as I realize I have to talk to her. I must make everything clear. I can’t let my bestfriend feel that way. Whatever it is that’s making her act like that, I have to cheer her up. Although I don't know how. But still I'll try.

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CHAPTER 11 Why did I let go of her?

“KRIIIIIIIIIIIING!”

After dismissal I let go of anything that would hold me back from confronting Chrixa about her problem and tried hard to catch up with her as she, almost jogging, head for the gates. I managed to grab her before she could reach the gates and dragged her towards the Gang’s Tambayan. I asked the Gang to clear it up so I could talk to her in private and pray for our conversation to fix whatever Chrixa’s problem is.

“What is your problem?” I asked as gently as I can as we reach the spot right under the Ipil-ipil tree.

She didn’t answer but looked down at my feet looking very sad. I sighed.

“Chrish…Why are you acting like this?” I ask very cautious with my words this time as to not make her go berserk again.

“Did you fail the audition?” I asked gently.

“No…” she said faintly, still looking down. I’m kinda relieved that she’s just calm but surprised.

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“Really?” I ask half confused and half assuming that Daniel was right.

“I knocked them dead Mort.” Chrixa continued, calm and really sad. “Just like you said.”

“Why is telling me that her dream came true with a very sad expression?” I asked myself, which also made me ask Chrixa, “Then what’s the problem? Why are you acting like this?”

But Chrixa didn’t answer my question and just continued with, “I did so well that I got the lead role.”

Then she broke into tears as she continued, “They’re going to take me to Manila and have me stay there to prepare for the project.” She was crying really hard after finishing her words.

I was at a loss for words as the reasons for her sadness dawn on me. I tried to think that she’s very upset because she doesn’t want to leave the Gang but the thought of her being sad because she doesn’t want to leave me without being really true or hearing from me about her feelings keeps on tugging on my head. I tried to brush the latter off of my thoughts and decided to force a smile and say, “Well then , Congratulations Chrish! You nailed it! You’re getting closer to your dream. You’re gonna become an actress!”

I held her shoulder but then she suddenly hugged me.

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It’s as if the warmth of her body weakened me. In the million times that she hugged me, this one felt really strange. She was crying when she said, her face slammed on my right shoulder, “I don’t want to go away.”

My arms, moving on their own, slowly wrapped around her. I caressed her back as she cried on my shoulder.

“Chrixa…” I said softly as I push her away gently to look at her face. Then I say, “This is your dream. You’ve been working hard to reach it. If you wanna hear what I think about this, I think that you have to grab this chance.” These words are what I really want to say, at the moment. I had to choose between the selfish bestfriend who wants her to stay by my side or a bestfriend that would support her even if it means separation. I've chosen the latter, ignoring the other options that keeps on bobbing in my mind.

“But it’s just so sad to leave.” she said sobbing, looking at me with the weakest expression her face had never shown me before. I felt a sudden pang in my chest.

Even with a face soaking with tears. She looked so beautiful.

I hugged her, the feeling that I don’t want her to leave invading the spaces of my heart. As I hold her in my arms I tried to examine why I don’t want her to leave. What do I really feel for her? I know I love her but to what extent? Do I love her because she's been my bestfriend

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since first grade? Do I love her because she's like family? Or do I love her because...because....

“Chrish…I have to tell you something…” I said, suddenly feeling confident of confessing to her what I know. And what I felt about it.

“W-what?” she asked, looking up at me, eyes filled with tears and anticipation.

“Now’s the time, Mort! Tell her!” I screamed inside.

“I…” I struggled. My heart is pounding. My mind cracking. I want her to cheer up, badly.

“Tell her!” I desperately urged myself inside.

“I…”

I’m looking at her. She’s waiting for it.

“Tell her what you really feel!” My mind is racing! My heart leaping.

“Tell her that you too lo-”

I exhaled.

The intensity suddenly went away.

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“I really want you to go, Chrish.” I said straight and fast and seemingly expressionless.

Chrixa let out one final sob, let go of me, and wiped her tears away.

“It’s your dream." I continued, pushing myself to really mean my words, "And I’m so glad that right now…” I paused to see her looking down again, not a slight glance towards me, “…you’re close to fulfilling it.” I forced a smile even if she’s not looking.

“Thank you, Mort.” she said, her voice was so faint but sounded serious and disappointed. She sighed and forced a smile too. Wiping the remains of her tears, she looked at me forcing a cheerful face and said, “I’ll just bring you a souvenir then!" her voice squeky as she forcefully continued in a cheerful way, "I’ll also give you free tickets for the movie, also for the Gang. Be there ok!”

Then she turned her back on me. And faced me for the last time. “Bye, Mort...” her smile was the saddest smile.

“Bye Chrish…” I said, or more like a whisper. Somehow I feel so stupid that I can’t even move as I watch her go. I wanted to chase her and tell her the truth at once but my insides are telling me that it’s too late. I watched her leave not even running to ask her when she’s coming back!

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I was frozen on the spot. It was the third time that she frozed me today. But unlike the first two, this time, I wasn’t confused. My legs just felt really heavy.

“Chase her!” I shouted inside. The same voice from before. Desperate and quite sure about the reason why I should follow it.

“Chase her and tell her!”

But I wasn’t budging. “What will I tell her?” I asked myself.

“Tell her what you really feel for her!”

“What do I feel for her?!” I asked aloud, not minding if anyone can hear me.

“Remember!”

I held my head. Then my chest hurt so bad that I have to clutch it. Tears are now forming in my eyes.

“You’ve been pretending long enough!”

And then for some reason, my mind went so clear that memories suddenly rush back in me. Memories that I've chosen to forget. Memories that left me after getting used to pretending, for a long time, that it wasn’t there. Memories of a beautiful young girl holding a young boy’s hand. She was dragging him towards a small hill, a young

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acacia tree standing gloriouly on its tip. They both stopped beside the tree and decided to rest underneath it. The boy felt so happy having someone for company. He was always alone after his father’s death four months ago. But just this morning, this girl, now sitting beside him comparing the clouds to all sorts of things, came up the tree house his father built as he sit there staring at the other kids playing outside their yard. As to how the girl entered their yard, the boy never knew but he knew that this girl had been playing with the other kids below several minutes ago. This girl, to the boy’s amazement, was the girl he had a crush on. He remembered the same beautiful face when he saw her on the balcony of their house. He was surprised when the girl suddenly talked to him like they were bestfriends for a long time. He never even had the courage to approach the girl because he was too shy. The girl told him that being alone is a bad thing and that his father won’t be happy if he keeps on wallowing in sadness and that she knows so because that’s what her mother told her when her father passed away. Apparently the girl knew about his father’s death. The boy was surprised to know about their similarity that he, almost instantly, decided to trust the girl with his life and swore that he will never be sad again. They became instant bestfriends. They played all morning with the other kids and before the sunset, she invited her to her secret place. And they ended up on top of a small hill, leaning on a young acacia tree, comparing clouds to different things. Starting from that moment, the boy thought that he would never leave the girl and the girl as if reading the boy’s mind, told him that they will always be together forever.

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I was sobbing so hard as I recall the memories of my childhood. The memories of how I met Chrixa. The memories that I tried so hard to forget when I learned that if I invite the feelings accompanied by it, I’d lose a very great best friend.

I did love her. More than just a friend. But I chose to forget because I learned the consequences of letting it linger. I never wanted to lose her as my bestfriend. So I brushed it off my mind. And forced myself to be contented of making her happy as her ultimate bestfriend. And I've gotten used to it long enough for me to not even move as I see her. The girl that I love. My bestfriend. Leaving. Unsure if she's ever returning. I watched her shrinking figure. The promise has been broken. It is too late to chase her. I already decided to bury the memory within me, without telling her, until I die.

“I’m sorry, Chrish..” I said as if she’s listening, my face wet with sweat and tears. “I wasn’t brave enough……to tell you the truth.”

“I’m sorry…”

I headed home with a hollowed heart.

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CHAPTER 12 When you hit the bottom

I went to the actual place in my memory, and recently in my dreams, before going to our house. It’s a walking distance from us anyways, but I was disappointed as I find that the tree had been cut and the hill flattened, a huge house standing on top of it. It’s been a long time since we last visited this place. I’ve forgotten about it too, until today.

Chrixa and I stopped going here because it’s gotten really ugly with trash covering the patches of grass. We tried maintaining it but as we grew older and started getting so busy at school, we have forgotten about it.

Like what happened to the place, the memory that I have about it slowly withered. It’s no use recalling it now. Chrixa’s leaving and I was too stupid to waste the chance of telling her about the memory.

I headed home, almost relieved at my decision of forgetting everything, when I look up a huge acacia tree just beside our house. It protruded on the middle of our garden, a tree house sitting on one of its huge branch. The memories, destroyed earlier, found a reason to reform inside my head. And the pain is even more unbearable as I rushed inside our house and headed straight into my room.

I was crying when I prayed:

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“Father, I really need your help right now. Please help me overcome this pain. This problem. What do you want me to do? I know I’ve done something really stupid and wrong and I’m really sorry for doing it! I lost a bestfriend. I lost the girl that you sent me during my gloomiest times. I lost the girl that I love! If You wanted her to leave then let it be! But please tell me what I should do about this pain! Please tell me the answer, God! Please show me the way. Show me the right way! Please God! Please!”

I was crying when I ended the prayer and slowly drifted to sleep as I keep muttering, “It’s up to You now, Lord. The rest is up to You.”

“Mort!”

“Chrixa!”

“I’m sorry, Chrish…”

“I’ll bring you souvenir!”

“I love you! There I’ve said it!”

“I love you too Mort!”

“I love…”

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“…love you too…”

“I love…”

“…you…”

“…love…”

“Mort.”

“Mort!” Chrixa called for me. She was holding my hand. We’re falling!

“Mort!” Chrixa exclaimed nervously as I let go of her. “I’m sorry Chrish…” I said coldly.

“Mort! No!” Chrixa cried for me.

I fell ahead of her. There’s no ball of light. I fell directly towards the bottom. It was so dark. So scary. I think I deserve it. But she doesn’t! I can see her approaching the bottom! She’s gonna hit it too!

“NOOOOOOOO!”

I woke up, catching my breath.

The weird dream that keeps on bugging me these past just had a terrible twist. An obvious message that Chrixa was hurt because of me!

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Because of letting go! “Why did I let go of her?” I thought as I slammed my head on my pillow.

Sleeping again after that nightmare, since it’s only past midnight when it woke me up, was difficult. I had to stare at the dimly lit ceiling of my room for one hour before I slowly drifted into sleep.

The next day came with me still bearing the gloom that the dream gave me. Chrixa, as I expected, was absent. I assumed that she already left for Manila.

I sighed thinking, “The next days of my life are going to be the loneliest of all.”

“Yoh Morty!” Jake caught up to me in the hallway as I headed to our room. Lance is there too.

“So the talk didn’t turn up well, huh?” Lance asked seeing the gloom in my face. I didn’t answer.

“Oh c’mon men! Cheer up!” Jake said cheerfully, slapping my back, “It’s a good weather! You have to welcome the sun with a smile!”

“How could I welcome her if she’s leaving…” I said glumly.

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Jake chuckled and say, “I was talking about the sun Mort not Chrixa Sun.” He was forcing a smile, probably wanted to make all things cheery for me. He then said, “But, oh yeah, she texted us yesterday saying that she’s leaving this Saturday...” he turned to Lance saying, “7am, right?” Lance replied with a ‘Yes’.

"So she hasn’t left yet," I thought.

“Aren’t you gonna come? Mike’s gonna drive.” Jake asked.

“No.” coldness creeps in every part of me as I realize that a text message from her never reached my cellphone.

“You should at least say goodbye…” Lance said persuasively.

“I already did.” I said coldly then hurried my pace towards our classroom, leaving the two behind. I do not want to talk about her right now.

“KRIIIIIIIIING!”

During lunchtime, I bought lots of food to eat. I decided that I can’t let this feeling ruin my health anymore, so I ate voraciously.

“Mort, are you okay?” Mike asked as he draws closer to me. I noticed the rest of the Gang is with him.

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“Ahmfwine!” I uttered, mouth stuffed with rice and bits of the buttered chicken.

“Uh…No you’re not.” Jake said, totally freaked out.

“We need to talk.” Karen suddenly appeared, looking very serious, which surprised me.

“Ndnow?” I said as I take in a spoonful of rice.

“Finish your food and go to the ‘interrogation table’.” Then she walked outside, shoulder square and face hard. She is not happy.

“Interrogation table?” I asked swallowing my food as I did so.

“The table close to the emo rock, she calls it interrogation table.” Daniel said. “She brings me there to question me really serious matters.” Then I realized it was the table she and Chrixa used to talk about me.

“She talked to me there too.” Mike said, looking as if it was a memory he never wanted to remember. “Daniel probably told her about my problem.” Daniel smiled mischievously. “It was so scary.” Mike said, visibly shivering from the recollection.

“Just go there, Mort.” Daniel said, patting my back in assurance and added, “Coz we got a lot of things to talk about.” He winked then they went outside.

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I have this I-don’t-want-to-go feeling thinking that they would ask me about yesterday for sure, but the urge of wanting to go, because they might give me the answer I needed, won.

I gobbled my lunch and headed there at once. I took a deep breath as I drew closer towards the interrogation table.

“Why did you do that?!” Karen asked as soon as I got there. She’s really angry. Her hand seems itching to slap me.

I was wide-eyed when I ask, “Do exactly what?”

Then Karen burst into a ferocious explanation of what happened yesterday. She said it so fast and squeky that I only understood:

“Let her leave.”

“Her feelings”

“She’s really hurt.”

Then she ended with the question, “Why do you have to keep on pretending!?”

I paused for a minute then sighed. I guess there’s no point of keeping from them the truth and they do need my side of the story as Chrixa already told them hers.

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I then started by telling them about the hidden memory. The things I did to keep it hidden. The stupidity that I felt for doing those things. No point in hiding now. I spilled to them every detail. Every moment. Every pain.

After seemed like hours of explanation I finally ended it. I almost cried but I stopped myself.

Everyone got quiet.

“I’ve been pretending enough…” I added, head bowed, “Now she’s leaving without me saying the truth.”

“Are you still planning to tell her?” Karen asked, calmly this time.

“I’m not brave enough…”I told them my voice hoarse and faint.

Then without a word, Karen laid her hands on my head. Daniel did the same and the rest followed. Then they started praying.

They prayed to God to guide me through the path that He chose for me. They asked Him to show me the right way. And finally, they asked God to give me strength. Strength to face my problems without fear and to abide by His plans without doubt.

I can feel the weight in my heart being lifted as they prayed. I felt tears run down my face too. I was so moved by their action that I started crying so hard I can’t even say a word to thank them for what

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they did. Their prayer proved to me the power of true and best friendship. How it can heal even the most painful wound inside. They reminded me Chrixa’s actions in the tree house when she told me not to be sad. They reminded me about how wonderful our relationship is. And then suddenly, as if God answered their prayer instantly, a surge of confidence shot through me. I have to go and tell Chrixa the truth! I have to atleast give her a proper goodbye before she go! After all, I’m her bestfriend! And her bestfriend won’t let her leave without a proper farewell.

I didn’t say it aloud but my insides are shouting, “Thank you so much guys! I love you so much! Thank you so much God! I love you so much!”

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CHAPTER 13 It’s not a nightmare!

“I’m sorry guys but, Chrixa’s not home.” Auntie Jane said, after opening the door for us to come in. “She has to tend to some requirements she needed for her flight this Saturday.”

We all went to Chrixa’s house right after school. After the drama on the interrogation table, I told the Gang I’m going to tell her the truth without hesitating and they agreed to go with me to Chrixa’s house.

“What time will she be back, Auntie Jane?” I asked, desperate of seeing Chrixa as soon as possible.

“I don’t know, Mort.” Auntie Jane said, apologetic. Whether she knows about the ‘thing’ between Chrixa and I, she never showed a hint. “She said she’ll go home late. Why don’t you come back tomorrow? I’ll prepare dinner so we could have a party.” Auntie Jane said then smiled.

“It’s not a bad idea!” Lance pointed out excitedly, clearly liking the thought of having a farewell party.

“It’s settled then!” Auntie Jane said, now wearing the air of excitement as Lance did. “Go here tomorrow during dinner time and we’ll be having a little farewell party for Chrixa! Ooh! She’s gonna love this!”

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Each of us exchanged excited looks then Auntie Jane turned to me and say, “And Mort, please don’t chicken out tomorrow, Okay?” she was smiling encouragingly. It was the first time Auntie Jane egged me that I was surprised. It also boosted up my confidence tremendously. I’m probably blushing when I replied, “Okay.” because I noticed the Gang were sniggering beside me.

“You’ll have to get ready for tomorrow, Mort.” Jake said patting my back, as we moved away from Chrixa’s house.

“Nah…”I said, now more confident than ever and as if it’s not a big deal I added, “I’m just saying goodbye.”

They all stopped and looked at me threateningly. I smiled.

“And tell her what I need to tell her!” I said reassuring them and smiled.

Their menacing looks immediately turned to cheery.

“Don’t get too carried away with the love thing though!” Karen said, warning me like a mother. “If you two ended up kissing, I’ll slap you on the face.”

“You better listen!” Daniel warned me.

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Then we all laugh as Karen slap him in the head and said, "It goes for you, too!"

Daniel replied, "If it comes to it, it's your fault if you can’t resist it." Then Daniel teased Karen to kiss her. Karen gave him another slap, which caused another round of laughter. They both have an agreement about the kissing thing. They decided to reserve it for marriage. That way it’ll be more special and less compromise. God never fails to remind them that as they pray and read the bible together.

Kissing Chrixa is something that I don’t plan to do at all, too. I just want to say goodbye to her properly. And tell her the truth before she leaves.

I went home humming cheerfully. I’ll be ready for tomorrow I’m sure of it. It’ll be the last moments we’ll be together as young adults. I won’t let Chrixa leave without seeing her beautiful smile again. The real ones.

I thanked God in my prayers that night. I also asked Him to keep this strength that He’s given to me today, not letting it fade away when I wake up tomorrow.

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After praying, I then took a deep breath and went to sleep. Tomorrow is gonna be a party.

I can feel the brush of wind as it passes rapidly through my face. This is the most joyful sensation I ever felt in my entire life.

“Mort!” Chrixa called me. “Take my hand!”

I held her hand as we descend deeply into the unknown from the cliff we’ve fallen from. I don’t mind the mystery that awaits us at the bottom. I’m just happy that I’m with her. Falling happily.

After a while, a light formed beneath us. It grew as we rapidly descend to it. “Here it goes.” Chrixa excitedly announced. Then there was a sudden flash as we hit it. After the blinding brightness, we found ourselves suddenly sitting on a patch of grass under a young Acacia tree on top of a small hill. We were laughing so hard as we decided to lie down on the grass and watch the beauty of the clouds. We compared many forms of life as we watch the clouds curl into the shapes that we describe. Chrixa was so happy and I felt the same. This moment just feels so perfect.

But then it grew dark. The bright blue sky turned into a gloomy gray and the clouds twisted violently up in the sky. It quickly formed a

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swirl of clouds which descended from the sky to land. It formed a tornado! We decided to hold onto the young Acacia tree nearby.

The wind was getting stronger. I was getting scarier by the minute because the tornado was going our way. “We’ll be fine, Mort.” Chrixa said with an assuring smile. I smiled back but slightly frightened.

The wind was whistling violently as it pass through our ears. It was growing stronger and stronger that Chrixa and I are having a hard time holding on to the tree. Chrixa was slowly losing her grip. “Mort!” she shouted, panicked, as she was about to be flown away. Good thing I managed to grab her and a nearby branch, which kept her and me to be sucked into the tornado’s destructive twirl.

“I won’t let go!” I told Chrixa. But her hand is slipping from mine. I can’t hold on to the branch as well. Pain shot through my arm the longer I hold on, but I ignored it. I kept on urging myself, “I won’t let go. I won’t let go. I won’t let go!”

“Mort! Let go!” Chrixa cried over the deafening whistle of the wind, eyeing our joined hands before staring straight to my eyes, and smiling confidently.

“What?! Are you out of your mind?!” I exclaimed, shocked that she even thought of letting go inspite of our situation. I don’t want to

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lose her, not to this tornado. “I won’t let go of you!” I bellowed at her her.

“Not me!” she bellowed back smiling. “The tree! Let go of the tree!”

“What?” now I’m confused, my brows knitting together with the effort to realize the meaning behind her words.

Chrixa smiled, determined and assuring. Then pointing upwards, she hollered, “Trust Him! Let go and trust Him!”

I got silent. I looked at the tornado, and saw it getting closer, getting darker and getting stronger. I looked at Chrixa. Her face. Her smiling beautiful face. I could enjoy watching her dazzling features for a long time but my hand distracted me as the pain grows. I looked up. “The rest is up to You!” I shouted towards the sky. Then I turned to Chrixa again, squinting as the pain becomes more unbearable.

“Here it goes.” I told Chrixa.

I closed my eyes let out a loud "Aaaahhhh!" then I let go of the tree.

We we’re sucked by the tornado. I hold on to Chrixa’s hand tight. She did the same. “I won’t let go of her!” I scream inside as I close my eyes, preventing the wind from shooting dusts into it.

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“YOOOHOOOOO!” I opened my eyes when I heared Chrixa rejoicing.

Chrixa is enjoying this! And I can see why...

The tornado glowed! Then it swirled gracefully. Chrixa and I are flying around it! It feels so good that I joined her!

"WOOOHOOOO!!!"

"YOOOOHOOOO!!!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

Our laughter was overlapping the sound of the wind. It all feel so great! So perfect!

Then it struck me. Maybe this is what He really wants me to see. The happiness of cherishing your moments with the one you love. But to see this, first I need to trust His plans and let go of the things I thought we’d always be forever. I need to let go of the fact that we’re just friends and our love to each other will remain a secret. I have to let go of the knowledge of getting hurt because even if we do get hurt, God will always provide us the rope to pull us from the bottom. All I needed to do was let go of the tree! I just have to embrace the fact that God designed us to love one another and show that love in the best way we can, even if there are big problems, like that tornado. We just have to

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remain happy with the life He has given to us and this love that He made us feel. We just have to forget the worries and remember that everything else is provided by Him. In fact, my problems with Chrixa are so little compared to the real problems we have in our lives. Chrixa’s my bestfriend. But it doesn’t mean that I’ll break that friendship even if I admit to myself that I love her more than a friend. Even if I tell her I love her. Even if I let go of the tree!

We landed safely on the patch of grass near the young Acacia tree. We we’re so happy that we rolled on the grass as we laughed. We then stood up still laughing then I hugged her. “I love you Chrish!” I said aloud. “I love you too, Mort!” she replied. Then we laughed again and watched the clouds.

I was smiling when I slowly opened my eyes to see the dimly lit ceiling of my room. I look straight at the ceiling absorbing the dream and the message it gave me. I prayed to God after that, thanking Him for showing me the answer to my questions.

“RIIIIIIIIIIING!”

My cellphone rang. I then checked the time from my phone. It was 4 in the morning. I checked the caller, wondering who would call in such a time. I was surprised to see that it was Karen. I then answered

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the phone but had to pull it away from my ears as she talked so fast and so loud that I can't understand a word she's saying.

"Hey, Karen!" I said, after putting back the phone on my ear. "Slow down. I can't understand you!"

"Oh, Sorry." she said, finally relaxed. But as she take a deep breath, she then blurted out, "Chrixa's leaving!!"

“Uh...Yeah!” I said, confused and a bit sarcastic, then I added, “She’s leaving tomorrow. That’s why we’re gonna have a party later, right?”

“No Mort!" she exclaimed, still panicky.

But I think I know what she's going to say next. Like a detective I then analyzed the weight of the situation.

Karen calling four in the morning and freaking out. It could only lead to one thing:

Karen roaring on her phone with all vehemence just to tell me that, "She’s leaving today!!”

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CHAPTER 14 One BIG CRAZY IDEA!

“BEEP!BEEP!”

A car was honking loudly outside our house. I told my mom what’s happening and bid her goodbye. I checked the time. It was 5:30 am. Chrixa’s flight leaves at seven. We need to be there by six!

I may have analyzed what the situation is but I'm still struggling how I'm gonna deal with it. I ended up rushing my bath, putting on the first shirt and jeans that I can grab from my cabinet and checking my face in the mirror for two seconds, before jumping out the house.

The Gang was waiting outside. Mike brought his dad’s car and is obviously driving it. I then ran towards the car and entered hastily.

“I’m ready!” I confirmed everyone. Then Lance shouted, “Let’s go!”

“I didn’t know you can drive.” I said to Mike.

“You’re kidding me, right?” he said as he made a tight turn to make the car face the street where we’ll exit. “You always see me on the car racing arcade.”

But before I could react to that, the car took off on high speed.

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After five minutes, my fright that we’re going to crash anytime soon ebbed and was replaced by the bigger concern of the day:

My farewell to Chrixa.

I then bowed my head and prayed silently:

“Bless me today, O Lord. I can’t let Chrixa leave without a proper farewell. I can’t imagine how sad she is right now. I have to tell her the truth before she leaves!”

“We know! That’s why we need to hurry!” Jake said. I actually said the last sentences of my prayer aloud. The Gang was beaming at me encouragingly. Mike used the rear view mirror to show his assuring smile but then I warned him not to take his eyes off the road.

The remainder of the journey kept me thinking that I won’t know what I’m gonna do without these guys. They made things easier for me so I prayed again, thanking God for the wonderful gift of friendship that He’s given me.

We arrived at the airport in thirty minutes, which means it’s already 6 am. We hurriedly went inside.

We are actually at Lance’s airport. Lance prepared the passes we need so we can get in. It’s early yet there are so many people. The

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terminal is so wide too! Which made me wonder how we’re going to find Chrixa.

“She’s not answering!” Karen tried to call her, but to no avail.

“Okay! Everybody calm down.” Lance instructed. “We have to split up to find Chrixa.”

Everyone agreed.

“Jake and Mike search the west side of the terminal, Daniel and Karen search the east side. Mort and I will be on the middle.” Lance ordered like a commanding officer.

“Right!” Everyone chorused then went to their respective search positions, hoping that one of them would bump into Chrixa.

“Mort, come with me!” Lance said. I followed him.

He took me into a counter where someone with a microphone would give special announcements and where lost kids were being paged.

“Lance we don’t have time for this? Chrixa’s not a lost kid!” I said, torn between laughing at the idea and getting furious for wasting time.

“I know!”, Lance hastily uttered, maneuvering himself from the bustling people towards the pager.

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“Then what are you doing?” I asked, almost losing my footing when I stumbled upon an old couple. I muttered a haste apology.

He didn’t answer my question instead he said something to the one whose holding the mic – a kind-looking man – and gave him some money.

“Are you bribing him?” I asked Lance, looking at him with disbelief.

“No, I’m just renting this place for a while.” he said taking the microphone from the man.

“Why?” I asked but unfortunately, I think I know the answer to that.

“You Mort,” Lance said, pointing at my chest, “will tell Chrixa what you need to say to her through this microphone.” then pointed to the microphone he’s holding in his hands.

It took me 5 seconds to register the idea. Then suddenly I realized, HE’S NUTS!

“What!? Are you kidding me? I can’t do that!” I exclaimed incredulously.

“Mort, were running out of time! This is a perfect method of delivering your message to her! She’ll hear it even if she’s already

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sitting inside the plane!” Lance explained, which did not fail to persuade me.

I can’t say anything else. He’s right. And I trust him because he spends his time here during weekends. If there is one person in our group who would know the inner workings of this airport, that would be Lance.

“Good Morning everyone! My name is Lance Summers, son of Arthur Summers. I’m calling the attention of Miss Chrixa Sun.” Lance was already speaking to the microphone. I can even here the echo of his voice on the speakers. “Chrish! Please listen to this!” he added then handed me the mic.

I looked at the mic for two seconds. “This is really crazy!” I thought, “But it’s probably the only chance I’ve got!” So I just collected all of my bravery and swallowed my embarrassment. I took a deep breath, grabbed the mic and started to speak, “G-good morning e-everyone.” I started with a polite greeting, my voice a bit raspy and stuttering from the effort not to just up and bolt from the counter. “M-my name is Mort Vurlock. I’m a friend of Lance. And...” taking a deep breath, I said straight and confident, “I have a message for Miss Chrixa Sun.”

I eyed Lance nervously. He gave me two thumbs up and smiled.

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“Now before I say the message.” I continued. “I wanna apologize for the inconvenience that I’m causing you right now. I also wanna inform you all that…” I let out a breath, a big one at that. “I’ve been a terrible bestfriend…” I paused for a while then continued. “I’ve been pretending to the person I care about the most. All I wanted was to make her happy but I ended up hurting her. All those years I thought I’m doing a good job being a bestfriend but I wasn’t even half as good. I’m only there for her in times of happiness. I don’t even remember helping her with her real problems.”

I looked at the time. It’s 6:45. I need to tell her what I came for.

“And now I’m here. Disturbing you all, just to deliver a message for my bestfriend.”

I can see guards coming but Lance held up a hand to them, signaling them to stop. I really owe Lance a big one this time.

“Chrixa Sun." I said, distracting me a bit upon addressing her formally so I altered it. "Chrish..." I paused for a second then continued. "I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you’re crying. I’m sorry that I pretended I didn’t know. I've always known it, Chrish. What you felt for me. But this time it's my turn to let you know...“

There’s no holding back this time.

"Chrixa..."

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I closed my eyes and let the words flow freely.

“…I love you.”

Then I smiled and added. “Now go and tell the world how wonderful and beautiful you are! Fulfill your dreams, Chrish! Whatever they say to you, for me, you’re the most beautiful, most talented, and the best actress the world has ever seen. Good bye Chrish! See you soon!”

And with that said, most of the people in the terminal that heard my speech rejoiced. I can hear most people clapping their hands as they turn towards me. I can see an old woman shaking her head as she turned her head away from me and continued her newspaper reading that I disturbed as I speak. All of it didn’t matter to me though. All I care about is the fact that I’ve done it. I’ve told her the truth.

“I hope she heard it” I said to the crying Lance beside me.

“She did!” he hollered over the noise of the praise for my bravery, wiping his tears away.

The rest of the Gang arrived at the counter after a minute and congratulated me for my strength. They hugged me and shook my hand. I’m relieved to know that they’ve heard it because there’s no doubt now that Chrixa heard it too. I then looked up, thanking God for the strength and praying to Him to make Chrixa happy. The thought of

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seeing her smiling made me even more happy. Even if I can't see it. somewhere in this airport, I’m confident that I made her smile. The happiest and the most genuine smile her beautiful face can permit it.

I was getting really satisfied with my achievement when suddenly-

“Mort!”

I can hear a familiar voice beyond all the noise. I turned to search the owner but there are so many people!

“Mort!”

There it is again. I though it was just my imagination but-

“Mort!”

It’s getting louder! It’s from behind me. I turned around and finally I saw her.

Her beautiful face beaming at me. I can tell from her swollen tomato eyebags that she’s been crying but she’s beautiful nonetheless.

She ran towards me and hugged me. I hugged her back.

“I’m sorry, Chrish…” I said, my voice clogged up with emotion, “I’m really sorry!”

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We hugged for almost two minutes then she let go, wipe her tears, and said, “I’ll forgive you…" her pause, to wipe more of her tears, made me think it ends there but she added, "...on one condition.” which didn't surprise me.

“What?” I asked, smiling and not minding whatever the condition is.

“Shout ‘I love you’ to me.” she said smiling.

I stopped for a moment then shrugged and shook my head. I took 5 steps back.

This condition. Before I didn’t really wanna say it. It’s such a heavy phrase to say. A lot of people are gonna hear me. It’s too awkward! But now…

I shook my head again, not because I don’t want to do it, or I feel bad about it, but because I can’t believe how much I wanna shout it.

I inhaled. And shouted with all of my heart.

“I LOVE YOU CHRIXA!”

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Three days later...

Mike, Jake, Lance, Daniel and I sat on the patch of grass under the Ipil-Ipil tree beside our classroom.

“I still can’t get over it!” Mike said, trying to bite back the laughter threatening to burst out.

“I was a terrible best friend…” Jake imitated me, and doing a poor job at it.

“So, how’d it go with your father Lance?” I asked Lance slightly nervous, knowing that we caused such a ruckus at his airport.

“It’s fine with him.” Lance said, relaxed. “He actually proposed to mom with the exact same method using the same microphone.”

“Really?”

“Nope!” Lance said almost laughing. “I’m grounded for a week!”

“What?” I got nervous and then said, “Man, I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. It was my idea.” Lance smiled, not looking any bit regretful.

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“Hey guys!” Karen arrived, bringing a basket full of goodies, and by goodies, I meant delicious food prepared by the most skillful chef in the world…

“You guys better eat all of that or I’ll force it all into Mort’s mouth!” Chrixa arrived bringing drinks. She sat beside me.

“Why just me?”

“Because you need to compensate for those lunch that you skipped.” she smiled.

I just sighed and smiled too.

If you’re wondering what happened. Well, I’m telling you.

Chrixa’s trip to Manila was cancelled. If you think it’s my fault, you’re right!

The producer of the company which is also the writer of the story decided to stay for a while. He said he’d be writing our love story as screenplay. That’s right! He’s going to produce a movie based on our story. And not only that, he decided to give Chrixa the lead female role and ME the lead male role! Which means we’ll be playing our very own parts in the movie! It’s sick isn’t it?! Men, I can’t even believe how crazy things have gone after what I did on that airport. But the things I

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value the most during that event is, one, I proved how blessed I am in terms of having awesome friends. I looked at the Gang. They’ve all helped me in a level that I don’t know normal friends can do. I’m so blessed to have them. Two, I overcame my fear of love. Actually the perfect words for it is my view of love changed so much. Love is not equals to pain or problem. It’s not even a waste of time. And it certainly doesn’t mean death. Love is more than what I thought it was. God wants us to love one another. Of course we also have to know His standards of love so that we’d know how to love. And that brings us to the third and final thing that I valued the most during the airport event: I love Chrixa. And I told her that straight and true. But I love her the way God wants me to love her. So our friendship stays even if I’ve fallen for her.

Chrixa’s hand lightly touched mine. But she moved it away immediately. She smiled. I smiled back. I don’t have to worry about anything. I love her and she loves me. The rest is up to you God. You are our foundation.

“Who’s gonna share today?” Karen asked.

“I will.” Lance brought out his bible.

We then started our bible sharing with a prayer. We’ll be doing this every day for the remaining days that we have each other. If you want to know what love is? It’s this, people gathering together with one

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common goal, walking side by side. There are still more meaning to love though. It’s all written in the book that Lance is holding right now.

“If you be so kind as to bring out your Bibles.” Lance announced to the Gang, after the prayer.

After everyone brought out their Bibles, Lance then said, “Turn to 1 Corinthians 14:4-8. Mort and Chrixa, you guys listen closely to this, Okay?”

Chrixa and I smiled and said together, “Okay!”

Lance then started reciting the verse and we all listened as he explained Love in God’s words. We may not understand some of it yet, but the worry of understanding it is best left for tomorrow. I’m sure God won’t fail on letting us know anyway.

I felt so happy as I looked at the Gang. Then I looked at Chrixa. Seeing her beautiful and happy face, I immediately thought of changing the promise I gave to myself a year ago.

I was smiling when I declared inside me;

I AM NEVER GONNA FALL...

To another cliff!

Because this cliff is the only cliff I’ll be falling to.