donna kain business writing workshop frank hurley and donna kain

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Donna Kain Writing with style Business Writing Workshop Frank Hurley and Donna Kain

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Donna Kain

Writing with style

Business Writing Workshop

Frank Hurley and Donna Kain

Donna Kain

Writing with Style

What is style?

Why does it matter?

What considerations does style include?

Strategies and Tips

Donna Kain

Writing with Style

Writing with powerful, effective sentences: Project a “you” attitude (“you” is the reader)

Recognize and eliminate wordiness and jargon

Detangle nominalizations

Fix vague references to sharpen meaning

Choose the right words and delete the fluff

Strategies and Tips

Donna Kain

Writing with Style

Writing free of errors that interfere with reader comprehension:

Use punctuation correctly to avoid confusion.

Choose the right word from confusing pairs such as discretely/discreetly and affect/effect.

Strategies and Tips

Donna Kain

Writing with Style

Remember the 4 “Cs”Be Considerate, Clear, Concise,

and Correct.

Strategies and Tips

Donna Kain

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Considerate Writing

Adopt a "you attitude."Emphasize what readers want or need to know and from their perspective. (Audience!!)

Draft: I have requested that your order be sent out today.

Revision: You will receive your order by Wednesday. (or Your order will ship today.)

Donna Kain

Focus on the real subject.Don't hiding key words or phrases behind a weak subject.

Draft: The implementation of the new marketing campaign will begin on June 1.

Revision: The new marketing campaign will begin on June 1.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Considerate Writing

Donna Kain

Avoid using noun forms of verbs (nominalizations).

Draft: The presentation of the arguments by the plant manager was convincing.

Revision: The plant manager presented her arguments convincingly.

Or . . .The plant manager argued convincingly.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

A “nominalization” (a verb turned into a noun) is weak subject.

Draft: The implementation of the new marketing campaign will begin on June 1.

Revision: The new marketing campaign will begin on June 1.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Avoid empty or vague openings(“There is/are…” “It is…”)

Wordy: There was a flaw in the fabrication of the widget that was causing a problem with the gizmos.

Revised: A flaw in the widget fabrication caused a problem with the gizmos.

Wordy: There are two shipments that are due in today.

Revised: Two shipments are due today.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Use strong verbs and eliminate “to be” (is, are, was, were) whenever possible.

Wordy: There was a flaw in the fabrication of the widget that was causing a problem with the gizmos.

Revised: A flaw in the widget fabrication caused a problem with the gizmos.

Wordy: There are two shipments that are due in today.

Revised: Two shipments are due today.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Eliminate other vague words.

Replace vague pronoun references—“this,” “that,” “it,” “those,” “these” with more concrete words and/or phrases to which pronouns actually refer.

Other vague references—“things,” “something,” “stuff,” “certain actions”

Negative constructions—sentences that include “not” more difficult for people to read and they often miss the word “not.”

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Draft: We are not going to put the new products on the line until the end of the month.

Revision: We will put the new products on the line at the end of the month.

Draft: There is something wrong with the invoice.

Revision: The invoice is incorrect.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Draft: I sent Fred the spreadsheet for corrections yesterday and copied Bill so he could provide additional instructions. He said this was all he needed.

Revision: I sent Fred the spreadsheet for corrections yesterday and copied Bill so he could provide additional instructions. Bill said the spreadsheet was all Fred needed.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Write actively, not passively.Wherever possible, put your subject up front and make it do something. The active voice generally works better than the passive because it's more direct, more concise, and easier to understand.

(But not always.)

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Write actively, not passively.Draft: The proposal was reviewed at our meeting on April 1, and it was immediately submitted to the developers.

(Who reviewed and submitted the proposal?)

Revision: We reviewed the proposal on April 1 and immediately submitted it to the developers.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Write actively, not passively.Draft: It was reported by the testing staff that the new model is defective.

Revision: The testing staff reported that the new model is defective.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Cut unnecessary words and phrases that may distract readers.

Draft: I am writing this note to thank you very much for organizing the open house that was held last Thursday.

Revision: Thank you very much for organizing last Thursday's open house.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Cut common redundanciesAbsolutely essential

Each and every or each and every

Basic necessities

plan in advance

Completely eliminate

Final outcome

“when and if…”

Which one?

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Cut common redundanciespast experience

same exact or same exact

present time

still remains

ultimate goal

whether or not

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Cut common empty phrasesas a matter of fact

in the event of

in the final analysis

at the present time

what I want to make clear

for the purposes of

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

And the most frequent….

due to the fact that

in order to

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

…can be reduced to one word.

Because (Due to the fact that)

To (In order to)

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Due to the fact that Death could not stop for me, in order to be kind, I stopped for him.

Because I could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me. *

*Emily Dickensen

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

In order to be, or not to be, that is the question.

To be or not to be, that is the question.*

*William Shakespeare

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

But seriously, cut common empty phrases.

Draft: In order to ensure compliance with regulations, there will be a new exit sign installed.

Revision: To comply with regulations, we will install a new exit sign.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Draft: Due to the need for extra security, a metal detector was installed in the warehouse.

Revision: We installed a metal detector in the warehouse for extra security.

Or: We installed a metal detector in the warehouse because we need extra security.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Look for prepositions (the “little” words) to locate wordiness

Wordy: She is of service to her community.

Revised: She serves her community.

Wordy: We will end the presentation with comments from Mr. Davies.

Revised: Mr. Davies' comments will end the presentation.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Don't leave out key words.

To be clear as well as concise, we sometimes need to add a word or two.

Draft: The storage shed is the first step.

Revision: Unlocking the storage shed is the first step.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Don't leave out key words.

We don’t write like we talk OR like we text.

Draft: Pls check Craigavon June invoices & send Fred info prior next tues. Call when U R thru

Revision: Please check the Craigavon June invoices for the bank charges and send Fred the information before next Tuesday, 8/21/2012. Call me when you’re finished.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Avoid outdated expressions and buzzwords.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Avoid outdated expressions,particularly words and phrases that are never used in conversation (except by lawyers)

Enclosed (or attached) please find….

Attached herewith…

This is to advise you

As per your request

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Please do not use the word “utilize.” Use

the word “use.”

Donna Kain

Avoid outdated expressions.

Draft: Attached herein for your reference is a duplicated version of the aforementioned invoice.

Revision: I have included (attached) a copy of the invoice.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Go easy on the buzzwords/phrases.“thinking outside the box”

“value-added”

“paradigm shift”

“go to the next level.”

“synergies”

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Avoid “stacking” ModifiersWordy: We are a forward-looking future-oriented group with a very significant stake in the decisions and choices that the company makes.

Revised: Our group has a significant stake in the company’s decisions about the future.

Compose powerful, effective sentencesStrategies for Clear and Concise Writing

Donna Kain

Remember what your mother said…Include "please" and "thank you” in your emails.

Draft: Send me the jargon report before you head home.

Revision: Please send me the jargon report before you head home.

Compose powerful, effective sentences Strategies for Considerate Writing

http://www.writersdiet.com/WT.php

The Writer’s Diet—Test your Text (For fun)

Report on the “flab”

Donna Kain

Wrap Up

Don’t forget the 4 Cs!!

(see if you can remember them now)