document resume ed 374 892 ps 022 664 author twilley ... · document resume. ps 022 664. twilley,...

ED 374 892

AUTHORTITLE

REPORT NOPUB DATENOTEAVAILABLE FROM

PUB TYPE

EDRS PRICEDESCRIPTORS

IDENTIFIERS

ABSTRACT

DOCUMENT RESUME

PS 022 664

Twilley, DwightQuestions from Dad: A ,Very Cool Way To Communicatewith Kids.ISBN-0-8048-1984-X94182p.

Charles E. Tuttle Company, Inc., 153 Milk Street, 5thFloor, Boston, MA 02109 ($16.95).Books (010) Guides Non-Classroom Use (055)

MF01/PC08 Plus Postage.Childhood Attitudes; Divorce; *Fathers;*Interpersonal Communication; Letters(Correspondence); One Parent Family; *Parent ChildRelationship; *Parenting Skills; Parent Materials;Parents; *Questioning Techniques; *Questionnaires*Long Distance Parenting

This book offers help and guidance to fathers whohave been physically separated from their children by divorce, work,or other factors. It gives methods and ideas to help long-distancefathers better communicate with and stay connected to their children.The methods offered in this book include devising test-likequestionnaires for children; these tests are designed to help parentsget to know their children better, to encourage discussion betweenparents and children, and to develop and maintain a closerelationship between children and their parents. Part 1 discusses thefather'S separation from his child, and how he came to use tests inorder to bridge the communication gap. It also explores the reasoningbehind the tests, and guides readers through the construction oftheir first "Dad's Test." A checklist and troubleshooting guide areincluded to assist in test construction. Part 2 consists of actualtests used by a father, and offers commentary and suggestions on whattype of questions to use and avoid when designing tests. Included atthe end of the book is a list of organizations dealing withchildren's rights and welfare, parenting, and parent rights. (AS)

***********************************************************************

Reproductions supplied by EDRS are the best that can be madefrom the original document.

***********************************************************************

DWIGHT TWILLEY

4211111111110000111(1440141:00.00.,

4

U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATIONOffice of Educational Research and Improvement

EDUCATIONAL RESOURCES INFORMATIONCENTER (ERIC)

This document has been reproduced aseceived from the person or organization

originating it.

0 Minor changes have been made toimprove reproduction quality.

Points of view or opinions stated in thisdocument do not necessarily representofficial OERI position or policy.

"PERMISSION TO REPRODUCE THISMA1FRIAL HAS BEEN GRANTED BY

gbloev-ka.Sc. rnoWe...

TO THE EDUCATIONAL RESOURCESINFORMATION CENTER (ERIC)'

BEST COPY AVAILABLE

Way to Corn nicate with Kids_.auction by Dr. Susan forward

2

Praise for Questions from DadQuestions From Dad is truly outstanding. I highly recommend Dwight's method as a

very effective way to develop better relationships between children and theirparents. Communicating through the tests described in this book should be a

win-win situation for all. P.S. The drawings are terrific!

David L. Levy, Esq., National PresidentChildren's Rights Council, Washington D.C.

We all know someone who wants to have a better relationship with their child . . .

Questions From Dad provides a healthy alternative to worrying, and feeling helplesswhile trying to establish or maintain that relationship. Parents who see their

children daily could learn a lot about parenting through this book as well.!

Travis Ballard, Esq., PresidentNational Congress for Men and Children, Washington D.C.

This book can help many peoplenot only absentee fathers. Whether theirseparation be due to a break in the family unit, traveling for business, beingin the armed forces or in prison, Questions From Dad shows absent parents

how they can stay in touch with their children.

Michael Bowers, M.A.., Executive DirectorAmerican Association for Mairiage and Faznily Therapy,Washington D. C.

An innovative approach to encouraging a long distance parent-childrelationship, one that any parent and child living apart from one another

would find fun and rewarding.

Jennifer Isham, National PresidentMothers Without Custody, Houston, Texas

Questions From Dad is a metaphor for love from dad, and 7'willey's method of lovinghis daughter can inspire within any father that spark of creativity, caring and

playfulness that will leave both him and his child with a legacy of love.

Warren Farrell, Ph.D., AuthorThe Myth qf Male Power, and Why Men Are the Way They Are

Questions From Dad can help turn shallow conversations and awkward silences intoproductive discussions between parents and children. We commend this book as a

unique how-to manual on maintaining and improving communicatio:: with children.

Dick Woods, Accredited Access Counselor and DirectorFathers for Equal Rights, Inc. and Iowa Access Enforcement Project,Dc Moines

3

I believe Questions From Dad will become the bible of all parenting books. It is useful,functional and interactive to the point that it achieves what normally can

only be achieved by a live-in parent.

Michael Hirschensohn, Co-FounderEquality Nationwide for Unwed Fathers, Los Angeles, California

There never can be too much positive communication between a parent and child. Ibelieve this book is novel and creative and can greatly help effectuate a healthy dialogue.

Jeffery M. Leving, Esq., Co-author,Illinois Joint Custody Law and DirectorNational Divorce Forum for Men, Chicago, Illinois

After years of witnessing the breakdown of family relations in our criminal justicesystem, it is most encouraging to see an effective and innovative way to

rebuild those relations through communication.

Elliot Zinger, Esq., Criminal Defense AttorneyChicago, Minois

Questions From Dad provides a great way for parents who are absent from theirchildren to build relationships with them. The book provides creative ideas and

step-by-step procedures. It is easy to read and fun to use.

Tom Williamson, PresidentNational Coalition of Free Men, Manhasset, New York

What a wonderful ideaexcellent for grandparents separated from their belovedgrandchildren! Simply looking at the questions and sketches makes me smile,

chuckle and get a warm comfortable feeling all over. This idea appears unique andsimple, yet demonstrates poignancy and sincerity.

Ethel Dinin, National Executive DirectorGrandparents United for Children's Rights, Madison, Wisconsin

This book helps break the emotional stereotype that men don't talk. For those fathers whomay not be in a position to talk to their children over the phone, they can effectively

establish real communcation by using Questions From Dad.

Bill Harrington, National Director and PresidentAmerican Fathers Coalition and Washington State Fathers Rights,Tacoma, Washington

A fun, effective way to start, continue and build relationships with kids,even when separated by time and distance.

George R. Kelly, State Chairman and PresidentConcerned Fathers of Massachusetts, Springfield, Massachusetts

4

Within ten minutes of finishing the book, my first Grammie Wants to Know was started.I now have a fun and creative way to communicate with my grandchildren, who live

three thousand miles away. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Sheila Sands, State CoordinatorChidren's Rights Council of Massachusetts, Springfield, Massachusetts

It is our experience that, with the changing economic climate and the concomitant strainit puts on the traditional family, parents, in many cases, do not know how to

communciate with their children. Questions From Dad provides a safe, easy and effectivevehicle for establishing the vital links that must exist between parent and child.

Dennis Brown, Ph.D., Executive DirectorThe National Institute for Child Custody and Divorce Awareness, Inc.,Lincoln Park, New Jersey

Fathers today need all the help they can get in order to effectively communicate with theirchildren. Questions From Dad plays an important role in fulfilling that need. Perhaps thegreatest endorsement for the Dad's Tests comes from my six-year-old daughter, who often

climbs up in my lap and asks me to read Mr. Twilley's questionnaires to her.

Charles A. Ballard, Founder/PresidentNational Institute for Responsible Fatherhood & Family Development,Cleveland, Ohio

This book literally places the children first, by enhancing their ability to know their parentsthrough creative communication. Thank you for sharing this marvelous method with the

parents and children who so desperately need to know each other.

George and Lesley Wimberely, Director and PresidentNational Association of State VOCAL Organizations,Orangevale, California

Questions From Dad offers an exciting solution to the long-distance communications problemthat is plaguing more and more families, and families separated by a marital breakup are buta small part of the individuals that can use this book. It is a must-read for all parents who find

themselves periodically physically separated from their children.

Ray Hart, State Association PresidentFathers Rights Association of New York State, Inc., Rochester, New York

Any suggested means of communication between an absent parent and child, whether thedistance be long or short, is a welcome addition in attempting to build a bridge betweenparental responsibility and child well-being. Questions From Dad achieves this status,

in what may indeed be called a unique manner.

James I. Taylor, Past President and Legislative LiaisonEqual Rights for Fathers of New York State, Clinton, New York

5

After reading Questions From Dad I feel like I know the author's daughter personally. Thecreative give and take is a heart warmer . . . . This technique allows parents to get to know theirchildren. All parents could use this technique. Children will thrive on the attention they receive

and parents will learn to share more of themselves with their children.

Ann M. Danner, M.S., PresidentChildren's Rights Council of Massachusetts, Springfield, Massachusetts

Long distance parenting is a growing fact of life in today's society. At best, this type ofparenting is trying and difficult. This book helps the long distance parent communicate

in a way that is fun and interesting for both parent and child.

Eric Anderson, Nationwide Chapter Coordinator and State CoordinatorChildren's Rights Coalition, Austin, Texas

Who says the left brain is so bad? This book provides a thoughtful and compassionateexploration of ways non-custodial parents can maintain contact and make a crucial

difference in their children's lives, no matter what the physical distance.

Gordon Clay, Executive DirectorThe National Men's Resource Center, San Anselmo, California

Questions From Dad is a very worthwhile book for fathers to effectively communicatewith their separated children . . . . It was great reading and should be

helpful to anyone who takes the ti;we to read it.

Marvin L. Chapman, Vice PresidentUnited Fathers of America, Orange, California

This is a excellent book for any non-custodial father who wishesto maintain contact with his children.

David Nowicki, National ManagerNational Fathers Rights, Waukesha, Wisconsin

It is sensitive and very well done. I wish it had beenavailable when I was separated from my kids!

Richard F. Doyle, PresidentMen's Rights Association, Forest Lake, Minnesota

I look forward to using this boo!:.. The ideas seem so effective andenjoyable that I can't wait to try them.

Fred Hayward, DirectorMen's Rights, Inc., Sacramento, California

I got a thrill when I readfrom the author's daughter"Dad, send more tests!"I could not resist reading the complete book and learning dad's secrets!

Frank Bertels, Founder/DirectorMale Liberation Foundation, Inc., Miami, Florida

6

uestionsfrom

DAD

Dedicated to the best dad,George William Twil ley

(1 926-1984)

r

And to the memory of my earliest partner in song, Phil Seymour,and these greatly missed friends:

Annie, Mollie-Twilley, Mollie, Ozzie, Dixie the Duck,Beethoven and Beethoven, Jr., Mel, Kee-Kee and Lester.

uestionsfrom

DADA Very Cool Way to Communicate with Kids

By Dwight Twilley

Edited by Joe Klein

Introduction by Dr. Susan Forward, Ph.D.

CHARLES E. TUTTLE COMPANY, INCBOSTON ' RUTLAND, VERMONT ' TOKYO

In conjunction with reading this book, know your legal rightsand obligations as they pertain to your relationships with yourchildren. As much as the author would like to see as many read-ers as possible utilizing the technique described in this book toimprove communication with their children, he is in no wayencouraging any parent to disobey any court order or statute.

Published in 1994 by

CHARLES E. TUTTLE COMPANY, INCof Boston, Rutland, Vermont, and Tokyo

with editorial offices at153 Milk Street, 5th Floor

Boston, Massachusetts 02109

© 1994 Dwight TwilleyAll rights reserved. No part of this publication, including

artwork, may be reproduced by any means, electronic or mechanical,including photocopy, or stored in an information retrieval system,

without prior permission in writing fromCharles E. Tuttle Company, Inc.

ISBN 0-8048-1984-X

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOG CARD NUMBER 94-60040

COVER AND TEXT DESIGN BY JILL WINITZER

2 4 6 8 9 7 5 3 1

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

10

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments vii

Introduction ixby Dr. Susan Forward, Ph.D.

PART 1: HOW AND WHY

Calling All Dads 3

The Road to the Tests 9

Looking at These Tests 23

Getting Your Feet Wet 31

Checklist and Troubleshooting Guide 45

Spinoffs and Special Guests 53

PART 2: THE TESTS

About These Tests 65

Dad and Dionne's Art Gallery 163

An Open Letter to Other Dads 167

Friends and Sympathetic Ears 169

About the Author 171

11

66A very cool way

to communicate

with kids.

79

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

The author would like to acknowledge the contri-butions and inspiration from the following peo-ple, who truly helped make this book possible.

First, my daughter Dion, because she's the best thatany dad could ask for. Next, my editor, advisor andfriend, Joe Klein, who saw the first "Dad's Tests" andconvinced me to write this book, and' saw us throughthe process without sustaining serious injuries! Thenthere's Jan Allison Rose for her love and supportthrough endless nights of rewrites, for the use ofAllison Entertainment Inc.'s office and computer sys-tem and for feeding Mow and Coco when I went off tolive at Kinko's. Dion's mother, Linda, for allowing me tokeep the lines of communication open and for obvious-ly being a great mom. And, of course, my own mom,Alberta Twilley, for bawling out the parents of the kidwho beaned me on the head with a rock!

The assistance of the following friends and supportersis also greatly appreciated. Jerry McCulley for hisdogged encouragement, Rocky Burnette for his dadlyrock and roll wisdom, ZOX for his ultra-pop visionaryeye, Ciaran MacGowan for his Irish lensmanship,Robert Knight for the shot with shades, Morey Klein,Sue Rose, Wendy Gardner Moore and her sensible photo-copy machine, Carrie R. Hyde, Susan, Peter and Miranda

QUESTIONS FROM DAD Vii

12

Holsapple, speech-man Jeff Cooper, computer-dudeFast Eddie Maurer, computer-pilot Fred Blechman,agents B. J. Robbins and Ken Sherman, Dr. SusanForward, Ph.D., Don Menn, Dr. Carole Lieberman,M.D., Phil Lobel and Lobe line Communications, BillHoldship and BAM Magazine, Karen Glauber at HITS,Ken Barnes of Radio and Records, Tom Lanham, BruceGrakal, Esq., Dan Bourgoise, Bud Scoppa, KarenMomme, David Levy, Esq., Dick Woods,- Russell Fish,Sonny Burmeister, Helen Grieco, Steve "K-Man" Kamer,Santos "H.D." Flaniken and Rock-A-Bear, Jeffery R.Leving, Esq., Gil Savage, Wayne & Garth, and whocould forget the agony and ecstasy bestowed upon usby nearly every Kinko's Copies store in the SanFernando Valley of L.A. and Santa Monica!

Thanks to all the people at our publishing company:Peter Ackroyd, Roberta Scimone, Kathryn Sky-Peck forher editorial endeavors, Lorrie Andonian and her pub-licity-minded mind, Mike Kerber, and a special thanksto Jim McMullan for introducing us to the 'Ditties.Finally, to all the pets and characters, who give us somuch to talk about. Mow, Coco, Carrie, Yodeler, Auhee,Toby, Princess, Mohawk, Buddy, Geoffry, Dixie theParakeet, Tweety, Julio Mangles, Mr. Rat, Max-Dog,Mario, The Flea and Snake Families, The Little Man InChinatown and all the new personalities yet to come!

Viii QUESTIONS FROM DAD

13

INTRODUCTIONby Dr. Susan Forward, Ph.D.

Half of all marriages end in divorce. Each year,over 1.2 million promises of "til death do uspart" get broken and millions of adults begin

the process of healing.But what of the children? They too need to heal,

and though mom and dad no longer want to spend theirlives together, the children didn't make that choice.They still need to feel connected to and loved by bothparents. They need to know that the end of lovebetween mom and dad does not mean the end of lovebetween them and mom or dad. Unfortunately, divorcein a family with children results in the physical separa-tion of the children from one of the parentsmostcommonly the father. So the child, who has alreadyexperienced the loss of family life as he or she knew it,now experiences another lossdaddy doesn't live here

anymore.In the fast-paced world in which we live, staying

connected to our children, and in touch with theirneeds, likes and dislikes, dreams and wishes, is difficultenougheven when we live under the same roof. How,then, can a dad be anything other than just a friendly

QUESTIONS FROM DAD ix

14

66

If you're looking

for ways

to connect with

your child, you've

come to the right

place.

99

Dionne (age 11)with Bud and Toby. :Photo by Linda Twilley :

V

acquaintance if he lives far away? Or if he only visitsweekly or monthly?

Through Questions from Dad.Dwight Willey has done something quite remark-

able. Not only has he maintained open communicationwith his thirteen-year old daughter Dionne, whom hehas never lived with, but he has found a way to be pre-sent for her as a parent despite his physical absence.

I don't think Dwight ever realized, when he put hisfirst Dad's Test in the mailbox years ago, that he hadengineered a bridge for estranged parents and childrento stay in touch, to keep love alive. That he had come

up with an anchor to keep theparent-child relationship fromdrifting and ultimately gettinglost.

Dwight's physical distanceis easier to bear because of thatbridge and that anchor. HisDad's Tests maintain a constantdialogue between him and hisdaughter. And they are funfun for Dwight to draft, fun forDionne to get, fun for her to fillin, fun for him to get back!These tests have enabledDwight and Dionne to knoweach other in ways that somechildren and parents who livetogether never do.

Dionne told me, "The ques-tions let me know that dad wasinterested in things I neverthought he'd be interested inlike my cat." There may be an

X QUESTIONS FROM DAD

15

entire trove of special details about your child thatQuestions from Dad could dig up for you!

And I can't help believing that these tests also haveallowed Dwight to get in touch with the kid inside him.

He has reached way inside himself to find questionsthat are funny, puzzles and drawings and bits of silli-

ness. To work, the tests need to focus the attention onthe child, so Dwight needed to think of things Dionne

might like and respond to. As Dionne grew andmatured, so did the tests, leaving Dwight with insight

into his daughter at age ten, eleven, twelve . . .

The effort Dwight put forth to communicate with

Dionne is rare and very specialand thus has reward-

ed him with a relationship with his daughter that issimilarly rare and very special.

How many fathers out there see their children oncein a while as part of their custody arrangement? How

many of you send presents in the mail in the hope ofbeing remembered? How many of you go home at theend of the trip to the zoo or the mall or the baseball

game with a sinking feeling in your hearts and stom-achs that you don't know that little person anymore?

That you have little in common, that you have nothing

to say to each other, nothing to share?If you're looking for ways to connect with your

child, you've come to the right place. You can't main-

tain a parenting role based on "once in a while." Your

own set of Questions from Dad can become your link

to your child, your private haven, your "home" togeth-

er. Once you try this book's approach, you'll wonderhow you (and your child) ever did without it!

I spoke to Dionne about her dad's tests. Sheclearly has benefited from them. She is blossominginto adolescence with the security and self-assurancethat comes from feeling accepted and loved. That is

QUESTIONS FROM DAD Xi

16

66

How many

of you send

presents

in the mail

in the hope

of being

remembered?

77

Unlike a

conversation,

your tests will

stick around.

to both of her parents' credit. Dwight and his ex-wifeLinda were able to separate from each other and stillshare the parenting of Dionne. The purity of Dwight'stests had a lot to do with that. He never used the testsas an investigative look into his ex-wife's life, or as away to weasel his way back into it, or to bad-mouthanybody, or to twist truths, or in any way threaten orundermine Linda's role as primary care-giver. I can-not stress the importance of this enough. TheQuestions from Dad method which Dwight Willeyhas devised is a wonderfuleven magicalform ofcommunication for parents and kids. But it is alsosacrosanct. To work its magic, its unwritten rulesneed to be honored.

Dionne feels close to her dad. She feels comfortablesharing silly stories and drawings with him, knowing hewill guard their little secrets. She feels understood. Shefeels loved. I wondered if she didn't sometimes feel likethe tests were a chore. "It's a lot of questions," Iprobed. "Yes, but I look forward to getting them!"Dionne said. The most profound impact of Dwight'stests was revealed to me when Dionne told me: "Thetests make it easier for me to talk to my dad when Ifmally get to see him. Because we're already friends."

Children often walk away from divorce not onlywounded, but feeling guilty and somehow responsiblefor the break-up. It is important to let childrenknowin no uncertain termsthat the divorce wasnot their fault. Emotional wounds can scar childrenforever. The best way to help children heal is to main-tain a constant, supportive world for them in whichthey feel cared for and loved. And the most lovingthing we can do for them is to show them we genuine-ly care about their thoughts and feelings. Their futurehappiness, and their capacity to love others and beloved depends on the supportive foundation you

Xii QUESTIONS FROM DAD

17

establish for them. The building blocks for that foun-dation are the thoughts aid experiences you share,the little things that make you laugh together, the sto-ries you quietly tell each other when no one else is lis-tening.

You'll find you will grow as an individual throughthis process. Writing allows us the luxury of fore-thought and editing in a way that talking does not.Unlike a conversation, your tests will stick around, atangible history of your communication with your child.The beauty of the permanence of the written word isoften lost in a world of sound-bytes and MTV Time willpass, and you and your child will find yourselves look-ing back at the tests over and over again. They willmake you remember. They will make you laugh. Theymay even make you cry.

Children don't have the same language skills asadults. You will need to take special care to make yourtests age-appropriate. Children can't always findwords for what they want to say. Dwight's variedquestion styles provide possibilities and choices forkids who could otherwise not express themselves.Mixing in humorous question-and-answer choicesreinforces the notion that this is more a game than a"test."

Keep your own child's interests in mind. If she is abudding sleuth, come up with a hidden clues mysterygame. If he loves animals, cut up pictures from maga-zines and decorate your test with them. Dwight isgreat at this. He mixes funny tales with games, cross-word puzzles, doodles, and other things to keepDionne interested and connected. Remember, theprocess is supposed to be fun! Have fun with it.

You will find that you can gain deep insight intoyour child by the answers to his or her tests. You canalso give your child deep insight into what you value

QUESTIONS FROM DAD xiii

18

66

The tests make it

easier for me to

talk to my dad

when I finally

get to see him,

because we're

already friends.

66

Questions from

Dad will act as

a key to the

wonders of

childhoodit will

be a touching

journey for

both of you.

77

and believe. Think about it. What do you want to passon to your daughter or son? What do you want him orher to know about you? How do you want to be remem-bered?

Dwight mixed serious questions and issues into thefun ones, thus making the serious ones more "invisible"and more likely to get an answer. Point-blank questionsabout boys, drugs, or grades could be deemed toodirect and make your child recoil .rather than respond.Be prepared to give serious responses serious consider-ation, however. If your child's test reveals somethingyou are concerned about, talk about it. Don't just enjoythe cute, funny and light-hearted nature of these tests.Delve into the depth of feeling which some answersmay discloseand use that as a springboard for aheart-to-heart talk! The tests are not meant to replaceor be an easy way out ofvisits, phone calls, lettersand cards.

What the Dad's Tests gave Dwight was insight intohow to be a better parent to Dionne, a way to staytuned into his little girl's life as the weeks and monthswent by.

What the Dad's Tests gave Dionne was love.Revealing himself through humor, puzzles and littlegames, Dwight showed Dionne that he had learnedfrom her previous answers and was responsive to themShe felt connected to her dad through these tests as fewchildren ever do.

Far more than being just fun tests, the Questionsfrom Dad turned Dwight and Dionne into secret pen-pals. Through the tests, Dwight and Dionne were ableto bond on many different levels. They shared stories,inside jokes, and little bits of themselves. That way,when they did get to see each other, Dwight and Dionne

XiV QUESTIONS FROM DAD

19

had as much (or more) in com-mon as any parent and childwho live together. They werefriends.

Questions from Dad willact as a key to the wonders ofchildhood. It will be a touchingjourney for both of you. It willalter and affect you in ways youcannot now imagine. Open yourheart wide. And let your child in!

A.

"Bodey Don'tMind," by Dwight

QUESTIONS FROM DAD xV

20

HOW AND WHY

CALLINGALL DADS

It is not the purpose of this book to address anyof the nagging emotional issues such as custodybattles, child support and legal disputes that so

often hang like ugly clouds over families separated.What I am trying to do is rally "long distance dads"

and, for that matter, all parents behind the idea ofincreasing the amount and quality of communicationwith their kids. Whether you're mere blocks or thou-sands of miles from your child, the term "long distance"could apply to you if the dialogue between you and yourchild is limited, strained or inadequate.

That distance now separating so many childrenfrom their parents is the simple reason I emphasize theneed for this exclusive dialogue. If, like me, you havefound phone calls and letters lacking substance andfalling short of asserting your presence in your child'slife, relief is at hand!

In this book, I will present a unique and effectivemethod which has allowed me to establish a productiveand unprecedented line of communication with mychild. For me, the positive nature of this simple proce-dure has shattered the distance barrierforever.

Later, in more detail, I will describe this system that

QUESTIONS FROM DAD 3

22

44You've got a

lot to sayand

there's much to

discover ahead.

77

my daughter and I now commonly refer to as the "Dad'sTest." Call it whatever you like, but this intimate andfun questionnaire from dad is, at once, a means of com-munication, a source of camaraderie, and a sure-fire

way to solicit answers to any question a

ADionne's drawing ofDad.

long distance dador any parentcouldponder.

I know that, while some dads enjoycalm waters, others, sometimes by virtueof their own mistakes, experience themore nightmarish side of broken mar-riages.

It is my hope that, even in the worstcases, the Dad's Test might slide throughand bridge the gap between the bitter-ness of a bad dilemma and what is bestfor a child.

It is not my intention to instigate fin-ger pointing between the sexes. And,while I wii. be harping on about how thetests should be just between you and yourchild, this doesn't imply that they shouldbe used as weapons aimed to alienateothers or further disrupt already shakenground. These questionnaires, as person-al in nature as they are, should notbecome ammunition between you andyour ex-spouse. Keep the "grown up"

issues away from your quizzes! The Dad's Tests shouldbe thought of as "magic dry cleaners," designed to"shrink miles" instead of shirts.

Naturally, whenever possible, amiable communica-tion with your ex-spouse or the custodial guardian canreduce stress on your child and make your well-intend-ed test more welcome as it passes through a potentiallyenemy household.

This test, which only demonstrates love and con-

4 QUESTIONS FROM DAD

23

cern for a person whom it took two people to create,may in itself plant a seed of reconciliation.

I also want to acknowledge that some dads securecustody of their children, and I'm sure that the "Mom'sTest" would be equally welcome to a single-parentchild.

As I am a dad, I'm not really equipped to addressthe nuances of the "Mom's slant," but the conceptremains the same. Step-parents, grandparents, and sep-arated siblings are also nominee quiz-creators. Some ofyou who have business that keeps you away from homeor who are in the military may be candidates too. Evenyou guys behind bars could simulate your presencethrough the tests.Whata constructive and rewardingway to pass the time!

Those of you who devote too much time to yourcareers might even discover awelcome recipient of the Dad'sTest in your own home. Kids arealways excited to find somethingin the mail for them. What a sur-prise to receive a test from Dad'swork address! Slipped under thepillow, your quiz could be serioustooth-fairy competition. It's hardcommunicating with a teenagerwho has locked herself in herroom. Fortunately, a Dad's Testwill slide under the door. (Mydaughter has just reached herteens, and I'm already beginningto see shades of some of theunsettling "coming attractions.")We all hesitate to admit that weeventually have to let 'em go. But I'm countingDad's Tests to keep my foot in the door as long as pos-sible.

Dionne's Halloween

on the


Dionne'sgreat-grandfather.

00000 410.

Let's face it. It's no cake walk for a distant dad.It's not easy to jump start communication that has rundownor even diedover a period of time. Ratherthan look for solutions, it may seem easier just toblame yourself, someone else, or run away from theproblem altogether. The resulting void can leave youfeeling even more guilty or ashamed. You may feeluncomfortable about the way you are perceived byothers, or even think of yourself as a dysfunctionaldad. Taking the "hopeless hat" off can be tough. Iknow. I've worn that puppy for months at a time. But,after the much needed gloom and despair and suffi-cient time spent cursing the sky, it's time to startthinking about another hatthe hat that you are deny-ing your child. What would you rather see above your


J

kid's heada question mark, or a crown that reads,"You can say what you want about my dad, but I knowhe cares about me!"

A dad who feels angry or helpless can elevate hisself-esteem when he discovers that just a few hours ofhis time can have such a profound and positive effecton his child. A release from the discouragement ofbelieving that there are no options could be at all ofour fingertips through the Dad's Tests!

It's no secret that we dads are capable of torturingourselves, receiving great torture and torturing others.Perhaps, now, we can take a breath and look at moreredeeming horizons! You're not reading this bookbecause you like the clever way I turn a phrase. Youlove your kid. Most of you were not just reckless dri-vers who crashed into parenthood; it was your dream.Others who swore never to have a child discoveredthey were more than eager to put away the power toolsor switch off a football game to search for Barbie's lostslipper.

It doesn't take much more than the first time a tinyhand wraps around your finger for you to know thatyour child is both the futureand the past.

When you look at your child's face or study aphoto, you may also see your mother, your grandfatherand even unfamiliar faces that carry the wisdom ofancestors spiraling back through history. With this, itbecomes clear that the importance of passing on thethings you believe in to your child is equalled by howmuch you can learn.

You've got a lot to sayand there's much to discov-er ahead. It's never too late for anything that mighthelp you bond with your child.

I'm calling on all dads to sharpen pencils, dust offtypewriters, power up computers and do whatever isnecessary to begin their first tests!


26

66You can say what

you want about

my dad, but I

know he cares

about me!

9,

I'm hoping that this book will succeed in eliminat-ing excusesand inspire communication. The nexttime you hear one of your friends ragging on about thedistance between he and his child, tell him about thetests and show him some of yours. Then, tell him. toShut up and sharpen hispencil!


27

THE ROADTo THE TESTS

Today, so much energy is centered on the prob-lems and affairs of us grown-ups that our 'chil-dren often become a secondary issue. My

primary mission in writing this book is to advance theidea of the "Dad's Test"and putting our childrenfirst. rm not writing this book to tell you how or why Icame to be a long-distance dad. It's not my intent tofocus on the soap-opera aspects of broken relation-shipsmine included. This book isn't about divorceI'm sure my story could be topped by almost anyoneyou bump into on the street. But a little backgroundwill help provide a thumb-nail sketch of the road thatfor better or worseled to the Dad's Tests.

Shortly after I graduated high school, I met a girlnamed Linda. We maintained a steady relationship foryears, and eventually got married in our early twenties.At the time, I was still a struggling musician, knockingaround the clubs in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I begrudginglyfound part-time jobs to support my emerging career.The short trips I made to Memphis and Nashville forrecording didn't have a significant effect on our lives.But I knew I was reaching the point where, to fulfill my


66Dad!

send more

tests!

Ice Captain,"by Dwight

musical ambitions, I would need to commit to a moresubstantial journeythis time to the west coast.

Eventually, with the reluctant approval of Linda,plans for this "business trip" of undetermined lengthwere in motion. Complete with band, bags, guitars anda rusted Olds, I was fmally on my way to L.A., where Iwas sure success in the music business was waiting.Inevitably, like a thousand other wide-eyed kids, I foundmyself on the streets of Hollywood with a demo tape inmy pocket. I was prepared to struggle and rough it outfor as long as the few hundred bucks I had in my pock-et would allow me to scrape by. It seemed like a worth-while sacrifice for the chance to be discovered.Ironically, the struggle only amounted to a couple ofweeks and a lot of cheap frozen dinners. In a strange


29

quirk of fate, I was offered a recording contract fromShelter Records, whose home office was in Tulsa. Howbizarre! After traveling over a thousand miles, I wouldbe signing with a label located only a few miles frommy house!

Not so many months later, I had a hit record called"I'm On Fire." Linda joined me in Los Angeles. Over thenext few years, I was recording, doing concert tours,television shows and getting a little lost in the show-bizfast lane. The money and celebrity were great, butthere were prices to pay.

I was like a kid in a rocket shipthings werechanging sO fast and drastically. The first casualty wasmy marriage. I guess when you don't know what planetyou're on, it's hard to be on someone else's.

Linda decided to move back to Tulsa. Then, thetraumatic and emotionally-charged dilemma of our sep-aration became almost surrealistic when fate steppedin and added another, even more sobering, factor to theequation: We were going to have a child.

Linda and I had drifted too far apart for a realisticchance at reconciliation, and, in the interim, I had metanother woman that I was beginning to think seriouslyabout. In spite of all this, there was never any questionin Linda's mind about having the baby. It was herchoice to make, and I supported her decision.

Looking back, as much as I would like to blame thefailure of my marriage on all the things that were hap-pening to me and the amount of time I was having tospend on my career, I must admit that I was just tooyoung and irresponsible for a commitment as grown upas marriage. Likewise, I was miles away from eventhinking about parenthood.

With time, the separation seemed reasonably ami-cable, and I think we both felt comfortable about get-ting on with our lives. There had been a lot of love


no

A

"Eggplant Baby"photo by Linda Twilley

between us for many years.Perhaps this child was meant tobe the consummation of all thathad been good. Linda and Irecently agreed that we did it allbackwards. Most people getmarried and have a baby. Wehad a baby and got divorced!

The next seven or eightmonths seemed like seven oreight minutes. I was in the mid-dle of recording when I receivedthe long distance call. A babygirl was born, and I was herfather. I had been raised in afamily with four brothers and nosisters. The idea that somewherein the world there was a tiny,bald-headed female creaturethat might look a little like mewas a mind-twisting concept.

The night she was born, Ithought it was agreed that her

name would be "Dion," spelled D-I-O-N. I didn't like thetraditional female spelling. But somehow, it was"Dionne" that finally appeared on the birth certificate.Perhaps that was the first indication of what being along distance dad would be like. I spell her name D-I-0-N to this day, but not for any negative reasons. I likeit that when Dionne sees "Dion," she knows that dad'sinvolved, and I kind of get a kick out of thinking itmight allow her her own little alter-ego.

No absent dad can ever forget the day he receivesthe first photos of his child. After the required timespent confirming that ears and eyes were in their prop-er locations, my first impression was, "She looks like


31

an eggplant!" I went around for the next few days call-ing her "Eggplant Baby." As the weeks passed, I beganto receive more photos. Soon I was forced to askmyself the question, `!Am I prejudiced, or is she possi-bly the most beautiful child ever to grace a Polaroid?"

My recording schedule had not allowed me to visitmy new-born child. I began to experience a new anduneasy feeling. Something was wrong. There was a lit-tle more than a thousand miles between the person Ihad beenand my new identity as a dad. It was astrange sensation to miss someone I'd never met.

Then, at a time when I thought things couldn't getany more complicated or confusing, I becamegled in a show business traditionI neither expected, nor was pre-pared for. There was a legal dis-pute involving my recordingcontract. Everything came to anabrupt stop. I had complete con-fidence in myself as an artist, butit began to become apparent thatI didn't have a clue about con-ducting business. Truckloads ofmoney seemed to be ending upin other people's trucks.

With the financial strain andendless legal procedures, it wasimpossible for me to leave L.A.and, more and moredifficult to think of myself as a responsible adultletalone a father. I felt helpless.

So, as a result of events that were out of my handsand problems I most likely brought upon myself, I wasforced to sit by and watch month after month pass,while my daughter, so far away, was growing inch byinch, never knowing her father.

After a virtual cake-walk of lawyers, the legal has-

entan-

Daddy spells it Dion

Mommy spells it Dionne

Ozzie says meowon

Molly sings the same song

Ai'iee, Molly and Susan three

Spell it with a mark II

But Toby never learned to read

He spells it with a bark!


32

"Music," by Dwight

.0%

0

sles finally were resolved. I ended up at a new recordcompany, EMI, and I was glad to finally be back in thestudio working on a new album. That album, "ScubaDivers," would include a new song called "Dion.Baby."

Now that things were back on track and "Mr.Wallet" was much happier, a release from this nagging,innate sensation of incompleteness seemed withinreach! I was beginning to realize that the most impor-tant creation of my life might now just be a plane ticketaway. Things had gone well in the studio, and the ses-sions were coming to an end. At lastthe time hadarrived to meet my daughter.

Just before making the trek back home to Tulsa, Ifelt a great sense of relief. Since Dion was born, I hadfelt guilty thinking that Linda may not have really

understood what I had beengoing through, and perhapsmisread my absence to meanthat I didn't care about mykid. But once I told her I wascoming home to see Dion, Ifelt she, too, was relieved toknow that, although we hadseparated, I really did want tobe a part of my daughter'slife.

I was nervous when Iarrived at the house. I reallydidn't know what to expect. Iknocked, and, after a fewlong moments, two tinyhands emerged, tugging atthe door. And there she was.

It was questionablewhether or not I had everreally found true love in mylife. But it became immedi-

1 4 QUESTIONS FROM DAD

33

ately obvious that I had been hopelesslyseduced by a squirming angel, barely a yearold, who loved to stretch my face and poke herfingers in my eyeballs and nose.

I remember, like a bozo, I paraded my kidaround Tulsa, showing her off to friends, familyand people who could care less! This "dadthing" wasn't such a bad deal after all. Before,it seemed like the only thing I was ever reallyexcited about was my "new record." Now, I hadmy "new kid!" When I finally had to return toL.A., I knew that I would never be the sameperson. I had become . . . a dad.

At that moment, it finally struck me that,while Linda had always wanted a child (and Ifigured that eventually it might happen), Inever really appreciated or understood thewhole parenthood picture. I didn't grow upholding a baby doll in my arms. Instead, I wasarmed with toy guns, monster models and,later, guitars. When I was five years old, no onesaid "Dwight, would you like a little baby?" On"Father Knows Best" and "Leave It To Beaver,"the dad was just there and the kids werealready there. What would Ward Cleaverhave done in my situation? I was raised at atime when boys were somewhat oblivious to thebaby thing. Someone else did that! I wonder ifit would be a healthier world today if little girlswould have occasionally .been faced with thetask of gluing together. Frankenstein and littleboys were encouraged to learn to change BabyBig Tear's diaper.

Anyway, over the next few years, I was ableto maintain a' fair amount of contact with Dion.There were occasional visits and phone calls,and I'd send her postcards from across the country

DION BABY

Dion you make meBetter when I was crazyWell April it was rain it was hazyBut you were my only baby

Dion baby, oh, oh, oh, Dion babyWell I wanna be with youI want to be with youI wanna be with you

Dion believe meNothing is ever easyAnd into this life that you're leadingYou're lucky you're warm

when it's freezing

Dion baby oh, oh, oh, Dion babyOne of these nightsI'm gonna feel your breathFingers x'd on my chest

Dion you're changingWith every moment pretendingThink of the time we be

spendingIt could be never ending

Dion baby oh, oh, oh, Dion babyWell I wanna be with youI'd love to be with youI wanna be with you

Dion baby oh, oh, oh, Dion baby!Dion baby oh, oh, oh, Dion baby!Dion baby oh, oh, oh, Dion baby)

Dionnio Music, administered by Bugreprinted by permission


34

when I was on tour. On a few occasions, I was able tobring her out to LA. for a few weeks, or visit her inTulsa. Trips like these can be expensive, but who canput a price on having your kid next to you onChristmas morning?

Unfortunately, for long distance dads, the size oftheir pocket books can have a direct effect on the rela-tionship they can sustain with their kids.

In 1986, I was excited about the release of my lat-est album, "Wild Dogs." My previous album, "Jungle,"had been successful and yielded the hit single, "Girls." Ithink this was the first time Dion saw me on MTV and

knew what her dad didfor a living. Things werelooking up. Once again, Imoved to another recordlabel, and I even changedthe name of my publish-ing company to DionnioMusic.

However, just a fewweeks before the releaseof the new album, thehead of my record com-pany became the focus ofan industry-wide payolascandal. The record labeland, with it, "Wild Dogs,"

seemed to vanish in a puff of smoke. There would be noradio, MTVor sales. If the problems I had before werea bad dream, this was a nightmare! I was "back in thetorture boat," watching my career sink. Simultaneously,another unforeseen ordeal was surfacing.

Linda had remarried, and suddenly my daughterwas calling another person "dad." So, what did that

: 'Wild Dogs," by Dwight


3r

/,'make me, "dad number one" or "dadnumber two"? I'm sure that there area lot of step-dads who do a great joband are sensitive to the predicamentof the child's biological father, but Istill had trouble hearing my daughtercalling someone else "dad." It was avery unsettling feeling. Talking toDion on the phone became increas-ingly awkward. She seemed inhibited,as if someone might overhear her saythe wrong thing. It made me feel evenmore distant.

I was really fortunate, in that Iactually had no problems with Dion'sstep-father. Still, even though hispresence in the household turned outto be relatively short, it was just hardto step aside and allow someone else to teach, disci-pline and assume the position of a fatherly role modelto my child. But, after all, I really had no choice in thematter. This awkward predicament is an enormousweight carried almost exclusively on the shoulders ofestranged fathers, although I am sure that separatedmothers and grandparents experience their own uniqueanguish. For those who haven't experienced it, theemotions involved are impossible to describe.

Ironically, the "communication card house" contin-ued to tilt. Since she was a baby, Dion had been closeto my girlfriend, Susan. Susan is a great per8on and areal talent. She sang on a number of my records andwas well-known as a member of the group TheCowsills. Dion and Susan would talk about "girl things"that I might otherwise never have been aware of. Butwhen, after nearly nine years, Susan and I separated,

Dion's Birthday Poem

You were far too old

when you were seven

now I find that you're eleven.

It's hard to see my baby snake

grow up so fast when I'm away.

Our kittens try to make us famous

and if we fail, their hearts

won't blame us.

But even when you're eighty-two

your dad will still, love, love, love, you.


36

66There must be a

better way to

approach this com-

munication thing.

yet another source of communication with Dion col-lapsed.

Phone calls were becoming less than rewarding aswell. Trying to carry on an intimate and personal con-versation with a rock video blaring in the backgroundwas a task in itself. At this point, with visits not practi-cal either, I still wanted to, somehow, maintain my pres-ence in Dion's life. I entered a short phase of sendingDion elaborate letters. I spent a lot of time trying tomake them amusing and clever. I included numerousintricate drawings, poems and occasional surprises.

Working on the letters really felt good up until itwas time to mail them. But the minute I dropped themin post box, it was like they disappeared. They weregone. The same was true at Christmas and on her birth-days. As soon as the last gift was packed and ready tobe mailed, I'd start feeling depressed. That Christmasor birthday was overfor me. I rarely got to see herface when she opened her presents.

I was always thrilled to receive any letter from Dion.However, in this "Nintendo-MTV world" we live in, mostpre-teens don't invest huge amounts of time writing let-ters. While I treasured every one, my daughter's lettersproved to be of little value as far as figuring out whatwas really happening in her life. In one letter, I mightlearn two things: Yes, she got my last post card and"Everything A Dad Ever Wanted To KnowAbout HerNewest Video Game!"

I kept thinking there must be a better way toapproach this communication thing. And what could Ido that would elevate my visibility in Dion's mind whenI'm half a continent away? I decided to try an experi-ment.

I decided to put myself in my daughter's place. Ithought back to when I was about her age. I remem-bered how a teacher surprised my class with a test on


37

the first day of school. Irecalled the sighs andgroans that filled theclassroom. But as thetests were being passedout, I began to hear gig-gling-7-and then laugh-terbecause this test wasdifferent. It was fun. Itasked personal questions,

like, "Who would you like for your boyfriend or girl-friend?" It was the only time I remember evervine inmy class enjoying a test. I knew my daughter liked toread, write and draw. So, why not? I decided to createmy own test, just for her. The idea was so simple, itseemed too good to be true.

I thought it would be a fun and personal question-naire from dad, but it really turned out to be much,much more.

Without thinking much about it, I pulled out a sheetof notebook paper and just started writing questions. Ikept them simple. (Yes or no, fill in the blanks, etc.)Most of all, I tried to come up with questions aboutthings we had in common in our personal relationship. Ialso included questions that I hoped she would thinkwere funny or might spark her imagination.

I thought if I made it light and entertaining, nowand then I could toss in a question about something Ireally wanted an answer to. I called it "The Dad'sQuestions For Dion Test." Before sealing the envelope, Ihad another thought. I took a second envelope, put astamp and my address on it and slipped it in along withthe test. The idea was to make it easier for Dion to getit back to me. Then, just before mailing the test, I had astartling revelation. I didn't have that depressing "letterdisappears into nowhere" feeling. This time, it was dif-


38

"Bitty Bacawn,"

by Dwight

.441(

litiot /9,c°4 '''^1::1141,4)44,00 .a-trS Et. ko".

'. .1 - (4: ",' I\ \-A-\ /

L--L':--

A

: Dionne's Letter

ferent. In fact, it was excit-ing! As I placed the test inthe mail, I felt like the kidsending away for the "secretdecoder ring" from the backof the cereal box!

With the holidays aroundthe corner, I had alreadybegun my neurotic quest topurchase every crazy toy onthe planet. After all, it hadbeen my duty to supply Dionwith an endless army ofCabbage Patch Kids, dollsthat did things that scaredme, and a host of mind-alter-ing Japanese gizmos.

Rusty nails in my eyeswould be better than myDion being let down atChristmas. And, God forbid,I might screw up that oneannual golden opportunitywhen fathers are, for a

minute, most likely to garner their child's attention andreaffirm the concept that dad really exists. I thought,if this "Dad's Test" idea worked, I might try another,and maybe find out what she really wanted forChristmas. I didn't have to wait very long.

In a matter of daysbang! There it was, at mydoor. The testsent back and completed! I couldn'tbelieve it. It was great! In fact, it was supercalifragilis-ticexpialidocious! Apparently, the test had struck anerve with young Ms. Twilley. She seemed to instantlyunderstand the whole concept. At this point, I knew Iwas on to something!


39

I got such a kick out of reading Dion's forthright

answers! I learned much more from this single ques-

tionnaire than I had from all of her previous letters.Immediately, I envisioned how I could easily expand

and improve upon the next test. A host of new ques-

tions filled my mindthings I might never have gotten

around to asking her in a letter or on the phone.

At first, I was patting myself on the back overthe success of the test. My "dadly" head had swollen

to such proportions that it was no longer easy pass-

ing through doorways! Finally, though, I had toforce myself to come down to Earth long enough torealize that my daughter was as much a part of this

as I was. Wow! We were doing this together! Still, I

took great satisfaction in knowing that this Christmas I

would know exactly which Japanese gizmos to grab

and maybe evenwhat they were!

I was soon todiscover that thereis something veryspecial and magi-cal about the worldof the Dad's Tests.It's a world whereit's safe to say any-thing you want. It'sa world wheremake-believe isokay. It's a world where dreams and fantasies are born.

It's a world where parent and child meet on equal

ground. It's a world where there's always enough time,

and distance doesn't matter. It's a world without barri-

ers. It's a perfect world.Unlike the letters I had sent in the past, the Dad's

Tests never disappear, and believe me, they're much


40

A

"Me, Daddy, My Dog,"

by Dionne

more than most keepsakes. They're a chronicle of avery special relationship I now have with my daughter.

Coincidentally, just days after her first completedtest arrived, I received a rare phone call from Dion. I'llnever forget the excitement in her voice: "Dad! Sendmore tests!"


41

LOOKING ATTHESE TESTS

R fight off the bat, I want to make one thing clear.

I never thought of myself as any 1 ..:1 of child

psychologist or expert with kids. In fact, if you

totalled up all the days I've been able to spend with my

daughter since she was born, I'm sure it would unfor-tunately fall short of a year's time. So whatever I can

do to add even an hour or two to that precious year is

well worth it to me. I look at these tests as "quality

absentee time." The bottom line is, these question-naires have been fun for me and fun for my daughter.

When there are more than a thousand miles between

you and your childor another obstacle that may feel

like the equivalentfun is a rare and cherished com-

modity. This is what I hope to pass on to you.

I realize that the thought of a rock songwriterwhose first hit song's lyrics were "You ain't, you ain't,

you ain't got no lover" trying to write a book about par-

enting is, at the very least, humorous. Regardless, I will

try to shed some light on this goofy idea that turned

out to be a landmark event in my world as a distant

dad.Before I started writing this book, I thought it

would be a good idea to go back and review all the


42

66i look at

these tests

as quality

absentee

time.

99

Dionne's "An alien fromMars," from 1991.

ur

tests I had sent to Dion. Besides, it had always beenfun to pull out an old test and "relive the moment."

So I go to my closet and yank down the large card-board box where I keep all of Dion's photos, letters andvarious memorabilia. Sorting through stacks of draw-

ings and Christmas cards, Iuncover a few, forgotten testsfrom years past. My search isperiodically distracted bydrawings of indescribable crea-tures that were supposed to beme. Finally, I believe I've locat-ed all of the "Dad's Tests."

Now here I sit, looking atthese tests. As I lay them out infkont of me and begin tothumb through them, a num-ber of things are going throughmy mind. The worst thing is, Iwish I had come up with theidea years earlier, when shefirst began to read and write.Fortunately, these tests have atleast provided me with aunique and invaluable chroni-cle of my relationship with mydaughter over the last fewyears, and the promise ofmuch more in the years ahead.I know that when I finally packmy bags for the old folks

home, the Dad's Tests will not be left behind.Also, I'm surprised to find nearly seventy-five

pages of tests, beginning with the first, which wasmerely the front and back of a single sheet of note-book paper. I recall how I quickly learned that thestaunch demand for longer and more challenging tests


43

had to be met. This called for much experimentationand imagination.

In subsequent tests, I began to add Where'sWaldo? type drawings and ambitious dot-to-dotadventures. I kept adding spices and otheringredients to the "test recipe." The forcesof supply and demand eventually dictatedthat one hundred questions would be theacceptable length for what constituted areal Dad's Test. Under a hundred ques-tions, dad was holding out; over a hundredseemed a bit much. Hence, "The Dad'sQuestions For Dion Test" evolved into "100Questions From Dad." I considered the evo-lution from a single sheet of notebookpaper to as many as eighteen pages, com-plete with color-photocopy cover in a clearplastic binder, to be a milestone in "long-distance-dadness."

I think of the four or five hours spent over a coupleof weeks preparing each test as a high-yield invest-ment. However, I recall many times I'd stall out aroundquestion number seventy-five. How could I come upwith twenty-five more questions that would keep herattention and have any real meaning? Somehow,though, after the required amount of "pacing and eras-ing," I found I could always nudge my way to the centu-ry mark, and, when I'd finish, I'd think to myself,"What was I worried about? Dad conquers anothertest!"

And of course, once a test was in the mail, a num-ber of questions I wished I would have asked wouldinstantly come to mind!

When I stand back and look at all the tests as awhole, I ask myself, "What was I trying to do?" First, Iguess I was just trying to communicate with my daugh-

ter all the silly little things; subjects too trivial to con-


4.4

A

Dionne as Cleopatra,

Halloween, 1990

A

Dad on stage, .1

by Dionne

stitute a letter or a phone call. If there were things thatwe could share the same sense of humor about, thatwas, at least, a beginning.

The game-like environment of these recurringquizzes created a kind of "synthesized camaraderie"that would more likely be present between a parent andchild in the atmosphere of day-to-day chatter under thesame roof. That's one of the reasons why I like to askher about her pets and things that surround her, andhave always included recurring references to subjectsthat are private jokes no one else would understand."Baby Snakes" and "The Little Man In Chinatown" havebeen staple themes.

My second intention was, of course, to find outwhat was happening in Dion's life. Occasionally, I waslooking for a serious answer to a serious question, butthe little things, like her favorite cookie, were just asimportant.

At a glance, here's a random list of things I'velearned from the Dad's Tests over the years:


45

I: On Halloween of 1990, my daughter was Cleopatra.

2: How to find warps in Mario

3: My daughter knows that drugs are dangerous and stupid.

4: Receiving any kind of clothes for Christmas is an abomination.

5: Science is my daughter's favorite subject in school.

6: Liver should be buried in the backyardnot served for dinner!

7: She is very happy where she lives.

8: Her cat "Princess" plays a great piano!

9: If anyone ever hurt my daughter, she wouldn't hesitate to tell me

about it.

10: My daughter has a great sense of humor. She is sweet, intelligent

and will always be my "baby snake."

Now, here is a list of things I think Dion may have

learned from the tests:

1: Her dad is willing to spend the time required to construct these tests

for her.

2: Dad's cat "Mow" likes to type letters and send them to her cat,

"Princess."

3: How to draw "old Grandpa Snake."

4: Dad speaks "Nintendo."

5: Dad can be pretty silly.

6: How she and her dcid can communicate through their art.

7: Dad is concerned for her happiness.

8: Dad is interested in the way she looks at things.

9: Dad wants to be a part of her life despite the distance between us.

10: Her dad love, love, love, love, love,

loves her.

One could argue that I couldhave learned about Cleopatra onHalloween through a letter orphone call. But I'm sure I neverwould have known how wellPrincess plays piano!

I know I'll have to face thefact that, sometime in the future,these questionnaires could lose


46

A"State Fair,"

: by Dwight

their appeal. It's hard to predict how the Dad's Testswill weather the teenage years.

Dads have a lot to compete with out there. Justbeing a teen automatically crowds a kid's social calen-dar. With shopping malls, homework, school activities,sports and, inevitably, boyfriends and girlfriends, adadespecially a long distance dadcan end up with apretty small piece of the pie! All in all, this can be apretty hard pill to swallow. But, the fact is, it wasn'tyour child's idea to place his or her father away fromhome in the first place. With so many new doors wait-ing to be opened, forfeiting special holidays and themagic and romance of summer to spend time with the"old man" may become less and less palatable. Walkingthat "teenage tightrope," teetering between the securityof "just being a kid" and the lure of adulthood is anadventure in itself. All this will, no doubt, be tuggingaway from the boring chore of writing to pop. ("Whatdo I say to this ancient dude?")

28 QUESTtONS FROM DAD

47

By customizing and adjusting my tests for a morepreoccupied recipient, I'm hoping they'll survivethrough a time when they may be more valuable thanever. Perhaps the new fast and "user-friendly" routineof these novel questionnaires may earn that ever-so-important moment of attention and verify that dad isnot only alive, but eats at Burger King with Elvis! Whoknows? The old Dad's Test might be a welcome relief inthe midst of college exams.

Lastly, what about that awkward moment when afriend or family member inquires about your separatedchild? Instead of the sad scenario they might expect,dazzle them with a glance at your latest test! These arenot treasures to be buried. Dion and I have no qualmsabout letting the world know what the Snake familylooks like on Christmas day. Besides the fact that we'reboth really a couple of hams, I really get a kick out ofshowing people the quizzes. The idea of pulling out oldletters or photos pales next to the epic blockbusterimpact of a Dad's Test!

I'm pretty sure that my method could work for a lotof people, and, while the impact of Dad's Test idea maynot change the world as we know it, I'm quite sure thatthousands of cats and dogs will both improve theirpiano playing skills and feel less inhibited about writingletters to their feline and canine friends across thecountry!


48'InillM

GETTING YOURFEET WET

Now that you are ready to "take the plunge," Iwill try to guide you through the constructionof your first "Dad's Test."

It's important to remember that these tests are anongoing experiment. You may find a different approachthat I haven't even thought of. Of course, the content ofyour quiz will vary according to your child's age andsex, but I think children's appreciation for the attentionthe tests provide is universal. As soon as your child isable to read and write, he or she is a candidate for theDad's Test. Before you begin, you may want to take alook at any letters, schoolwork or other examples ofyour son's or daughter's writing skills. This will helpyou choose words that your youngster will understand.

You may want to begin by thinking of a name foryour first test. I encourage you to select a title that bothrelates the idea of the quiz and makes it clear that it ispersonalizedjust between you and your child. Forexample, "The Dad's Test For Susan" or "25 QuestionsFor Michael From Dad." If you feel the word "test" maybe intimidating, remember, there are no rules! The"tests" have worked well for me, but you may want to


49

66Keep

your first

test short,

20 to 40

questions.

77

A

"Complete thedrawing," fromDad's Test, 1993.

call your quiz "Karen's Fun Book From Dad" or "Dad'sQuestion Game For Craig."

I suggest that you keep your first questionnaire rea-sonably shortsay twenty to forty inquiries. Make arough list of any questions that you're sure you want toask. List the names of your child's pets, friends, toys,games and any other subjects he or she can easilyrelate to. Use the lists to help create your questions.Once you have selected a title, you are ready for themajor hurdlethe first question.

Start with very light inquiries which immediatelyand clearlydemonstrate that the test is supposed tobe fun.

1. "What is your favorite TV show?"2. "What is your dog's favorite T.V. show?"

If you have any questions of a serious nature, makesure they are well-insulated by lots of silliness! Within achain of wacky inquiries, a spontaneous answer to aserious question is more likely. (On the other hand,don't be surprised if a goofy question receives an unex-pected serious response.)

As your quiz takes form, it's important that youkeep it interesting. This is crucial in keeping yourchild's attention and can be accomplished by constantlychanging question styles and adding artistic activities.


Examples of different question styles

TRUE/FALSE

You should never eat anything bigger than your own head.

True False

MULTIPLE CHOICE

What does your room look like?

A. Neat and clean

B. Not too bad

C. Disaster area

YES/NODo you help your mom around the house?

Yes No

YES/NO/OTHER OPTIONS

Do you like school?

Yes No A little A lot

WHICH IS BEST

Which is best?

Hamburger Hot Dog

FILL IN THE BLANK

There was a little man in town.

NAME THINGSWhat would be a good name for a home video for

us to make?

SYMBOL IN THE BOX

Put a "." in the box if you love it.

Put a "0" in the box if you like it.

Put a "G" in the box if you don't like it.

Put a "X" in the box if you hate it.

Liver [ 1 Apple Juice [ 1 Popcorn [ 1

LIST

List the names of all of your pets.

1.

2.

3.

"Duck," by Dionne

V


51.

66The test

is supposed

to be fun.

/7

FILL-IN-THE-BLANK-STORY

There once was a

town ofgirl who lived in the

CHALLENGE

Write your name the best you can

Write your name the worst you can.

Adding art activities will also help add interest toyour questionnaire. While you may or may not have anyartistic skills yourself, it's not too hard to use a straightedge to draw a box, trace a square object or to simplywrite "Draw A Picture Of Your Dog." Kids love to draw,and there seems to be no limit to their imagination. Tofulfill this appetite over the past three years, I havemade some bizarre and wide ranging requests.

"Draw the Snake Family At Christmas""Draw the Worst Insect""Draw a Singing Fish Head""Draw an Alien From Mars""Draw the Flea Christmas Parade""Draw Rudolph the Red-Nosed Mallard"

Never in the entire realm of "dad-testology" has asingle one of these challenges failed to be met and con-quered, often with mind-boggling results. I fmd it inter-esting and rewarding that, even from a distance, I'mable to fuel my daughter's imagination, and then havemy own outlook broadened. Now when I close my eyesand envision an alien from Mars, only Dion's unearthlyillustration comes to mind.

Additional (more Earthbound) artistic request.;might be:


52

HOUSE MOTHER ROOM

SCHOOL SIBLINGS MONSTERS

FRIENDS RELATIVES ANIMALS

PETS XMAS TREE SANTA

TOYS FAMILY CAR CARTOON CHARACTERS

Throughout this book, I have used samples of artthat Dion and I have used to correspond with eachother over the years. Dion's rendering of "Princess andHer Servants" certainly rivals my "Cat WithSunglasses." I see a more than coincidental similarityin their styles. Don't be intimidated by all of the artin my tests. Your cartoonish doodle or mindless scrib-bling could easily invoke a greater response fromyour youngster than a carefully planned out drawing.Remember. . . . "Stick People" are funny!

"Squiggles" can also be fun. It's easy for anyone todraw a couple of squiggly linesand request: "Complete theSquiggle." The results are impos-sible to predict. Also, try draw-ing heads with no faces, houseswith no doors or windows andrequest: "Complete theDrawing."

Participating in your child'sart can create an unusual cama-raderie. The same is true withother forms of participation-stylequestions, like the "fill-in-the-blank stories." However, it is alittle embarrassing when thekid's work turns out better thanyours!

Try experiments. On one ofmy latest tests, I tried making acrossword puzzle using words and

"Cat with

Sunglasses,"

by Dwight


53

A

Stick people

are funny!"Zorro,"by Dwight

names that were common Dad's 'Pest lingo.Completing the puzzle, I had learned twothings:

1. I will never try to create anothercrossword puzzle as long as I live.

2. It was different, and she'll probablyget a kick out of it. You may be a whiz atmaking puzzles. I'll stick to heads with nofaces.

Of course, Dion loved the crossword puzzle, andrequested more!

I'm well aware that many dads have more than oneestranged child, and having more than one child maycreate a few obstacles and call for additional effort.Naturally, you will want to make sure that your atten-tion is equally distributed between your children. WhileI can't speak from experience, I can at least suggest afew hints that might lighten the load.

Make a photocopy of your test and send the sametest to all your children at once, with personalized titlepages.

Same process as above, only completely omit afew questions, leaving the spaces blank. After copying,just add in those few questions with personalizedinquiries according to age, gender, etc.

Send a test to your eldest child. Early in the test,request: "Tell your little sister that the next test dadsends will be for her." Later in the test, ask: "Did yourremeber to tell your sister that dad is sending her a testnext?" Later in the test, ask: "Since you are getting to


54

be such a grown up boy, can you help your little sisterwith her dad's test when it comes?"

Split one test in half. "Fifty Questions for Rockyand Chanti." The first 25 for your eldest, followed by arequest that the test then be passed to the youngerchild, perhaps ending with questions the two can dotogether.

Send a "smorgasbord-test." One test to be passedfrom child to child. Each question has multiple, person-alized spaces for each child s answer.

Here's an example:

What is your favorite video game?

Phil's aswer

Ed's answer

Wendy's answer

Hopefully, all the preceding suggestions and advicewill be of some value in helping you with your firstDad's Test! Here are some additional tips to make your

"The All New Dad'sQuestions forDion Test"

V

QUESTIONS 37

64Subjects are

as numerous

as the

problems and

achievements of

childhood.

99

early questionnaires more effective and ensure theirreturn.

When your first quiz is completed and ready to bemailed, don't forget to include instructions. Avoid alengthy letter that might dilute your intent here.Instead, write a simple note:

Dear Carrie,

Here is the "Dad's Test For Carrie 1994." Please answer the

questions as best you can.

When you are finished, put the test in the j envelope and

mail it back to me.

I hope you have fun with this testi

Love,

Dad

You probably will want to continue to include theseinstructions in succeeding tests until you're sure the rou-tine has been established. If possible, a few phone callsbefore and after your child receives the first test will helpfurther explain the test and, hopefully, get your childexcited about the idea.

Another way that may help expedite the initial testprocess is using a brightly colored envelope for thereturn of the test. I strongly feel that the whole 'Dad'sTest" concept would be crippled without the all-impor-tant, self-addressed-postage-paid return envelope. Thebright red envelope will be easily identifiable from yourinstructions. I've found it to be a simple and invaluableaid to my daughter for returning her completed test tome. 100 questions lost in the "black hole" of "toy boxhell" are no good to anyone!

Depending on the age of your son or daughter, asmall amount of participation from the custodial parentmay be required in the early stages of "dad-testing." Youmay have accidentally used a word that your childdoesn't understand or can't read. And, even with your


56

prepared, colored return envelope, itmight require a more responsiblehand to drop it in the mail box. Inmost cases, I would hope the custo-dial parent would welcome positivecommunication between his or herson or daughter and the separatedparent, simply because it's healthyfor the child to have contact withboth parents.

In my case, Dion was already tenwhen I began sending the tests, and,fortunately, automatically locked intothe process. Linda told me that,when a test would arrive, Dion wouldmysteriously disappear into herroom. The next day the test would bemailed with nothing said to mom. Onother occasions, Dion would showher the latest rendering of "The Snake Family atChristmas," or, out of the blue, make strange inquirieslike "How do you spell dad's middle name?"

Initially, establishing the routine of your tests maybe a little awkward for all the parties involved. Justremember to keep any explanations simple and posi-tive. Hopefully, it will not be long before your question-naires will be as they were intendedjust between youand your child.

After subsequent tests have established the routine,you may want to embellish or expand the title to sustalainterest and to focus on particular subjects. A coverpage can be a nice touch. It can capture "the pupil's"attention and make your test look more "official." Writethe title of your test in BIG letters on the top of a cleansheet of paper (possibly colored paper), then affix aphoto or two underneath (shots of you, your child orpets are trustworthy subjects). Try a drawing. You'll be

.---Atuamnatcuatcr---:*"."----*MASUArtainitti=

.

'4-'7-7"


57

A

A sample cover.

asking your kid to draw; show your son or daughteryou're willing to meet them on equal ground. Zip overto the corner copy store and make a couple of colorprints. Be creative. Your "Norman Rockwell MeetsSalvadore Da li" cover page will give your test personali-ty and will also be a great memento for you and yoursprout.

The cover page design may be motivated by yourmore elaborate test title or title that addresses a specif-ic subject. Here are some examples:

The All New Dad's Test for Jan"

"50 Questions from DadThe Special Edition"

"The 1994 Christmas Test for Tommy"This test will serve to arm you with thestrategic insight to face the ever changingarsenal of G.I. Joe, video and sports para-phernalia, and, thus, help you survive theannual siege at Toys 'R Us.

The Johnnie's Trip to Texas Test"Your child may be coming to visit you or tak-ing some other trip (i.e. summer camp forthe first time) which could be the source ofsome anxiety. This test may help smootheither road.

linda's 10th Birthday Test from Dad"What is the perfect gift? How does she feelabout growing older? This test is anotherway of asserting your presence on her birth-day from a distance.

"Dad's Test to Joe About Scooter"This test could address the loss of a friend,relative or beloved pet.

As you can see, the possibilities for tests that focuson specific subjects are as numerous as the problemsand achievements of childhood.


5S

After you get through yourfirst couple of tests, you'll startto get a feel for what works, whatdoesn't work and what reallyworks. When something reallyworks, don't hesitate to repeatthe same type of question oractivity again and again in futuretests.

Sometimes, you may be sur-prised by a question that receiveslittle or no response. Remember,a youngster's entire view of lifecan change on an hourly basis.Wait a while, and try the samequestion again on a later quiz.The results may surprise you.

Remember to seek out topicsthat are exclusive between you and your child, as theyhelp to create a string of reminders that you are a realfatherand a real person.

It's understandable that your tests will grow inlength. In this multi-media world, a couple of pieces ofpaper with questions on them may not continue to earnthe same interest as what your test will likely evolveinto, perhaps something like the shiny, thick bookletwith the color-laserprint cover that I now use. Whoknows? In a couple of years, I may have to go "hard-back!"

However, it's ironic how, as your child gets older,it's possible that the tests may start to get shorter, andeventually return to their original twenty to forty ques-tion length to accommodate for the shrinking timeallotted us distant dads. Once again, we're back to try-ing to keep their attention.

Perhaps, soon, computers and other interactivedevices will come to the rescue, with "digital dads" zap-


59

ADionne's "Pals"

"Freddy the Frogand a Friend," :by Dionne

ping their tests across the country, spitting out wild,high-tech graphics and offering new mental challenges.

I've found that it's kind of a funny Catch-22. On theone hand, as your tests get longer, you can get tired orbored coming up with more and more questions. But,on the other hand, once you've received back the com-pleted test, poring over the answers can be such a gas,

that you end up wishing you had scrawled pagesand pages more.

Somewhere along the line, I'm sure you willfind yourself, as I have, nearing the hundredquestion mark (or whatever personal goal you'veset for your test), and then experiencing thatspecial moment when you feel you are no longercapable of rational thought, let alone coming upwith any more questions. Usually, the bestresolve is to simply put it away until tomorrow.Give it a rest! Then, when you're relaxed and

ready to carry on, a glance through the random list ofquestion categories that follows might inspire an idea.For further assistance in constructing your test, consultthe following chapter, "Checklist and TroubleshootingGuide."

"Menagerie,"by Dwight


GO

100 CATEGORIES FOR DAD'S QUESTIONS1. School situations 46. Cleanliness 74. Phones and phone numbers

2. Friends and aquaintances 47. Doctors, dentists and shots 75. Chores

3. Social situations 48. Glasses and braces 76. Summer camp

A. Sex and sexuality 49. Bed wetting 77. Nature

5. Peer pressures 50. Birth and babies 78. The environment

6. Adolescence and puberty 5L Siblings 79. Places visited

7. Death or serious illness 52. Safety 80. Places to visit

8. Pets/death of a pet 53. Discipline 81. Space travel

9. Hobbiei and collections 54. laws and rules 82. Cars, planes and trains

10. Living conditions 55. Patriotism 83. Gift desires

11. Sleeping habits 56. Gossip and rumors 84. Possible careers

12. Dreams and nightmares 57. Manners 85. Current events /news

13. Food likes and dislikes 58. Fighting and roughhousing 86. War and famine

14. Cooking 59. Pillow fights 87. Computers

15. Sweets and snacks 60. Food fights 88. The weather

16. Pizza 61. Mud wrestling 89. Slang

17. Dinosaurs 62. Money 90. Santa and his elves

18. Anything Disney 63. Fears and insecurities 91. Exercise

19. Entertainment 64. Depression 92. Jokes

20. Movies 65. Boredom 93. Complaints

21. Movie stars 66. Hostilities 94. Art

22. T.V. shows 67. Abuse or harassment 95. Clubs

23. T.V. stars 68. Good and evil 96. Jumping on beds

24. Music 69. Heroes and villains 97. Frogs

25. Music stars 70. Wealth and status 98. Warts and pimples

26. Games 71. Racism and prejudice 99. Spills and messes

27. Cartoons 72. Malls and shopping 100.. . . and

28. Comics 73. Fads and fashion DAD'S TESTS!

29 Books

30. Toys

31. Theme parks

32. Sports

33. Sports teams and stars

34. MTV

35. UFO's

36. Ghosts

37. Drugs and alcohol

38. Smoking

39. Parental separation stress

40. Responsibility

41. Religion

42. Holidays

43. Family awareness

44. Morality

45. Aesthetics

61

CHECKLIST ANDTROUBLESHOOTINGGUIDE

Wbile constructing your test, take advantageof this handy checklist and guide. This listcould help solve a problem, provide moti-

vation or at least establish a direction that may affordyou the same success I have enjoyed with my question-naires.

1. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!

Sure you do! Use a yellow legal pad. Place it in plainsight on a bedside table or some place where you like torelax. Get into a habit of adding just a few questions toyour test each day. It will only take a couple of minutesof your time daily, perhaps before bed or during yourlunch break. Your questions will be more well thoughtout if you don't feel pressured, and you'll be surprisedhow quickly your quiz is completed. Remember, yourtest can be as longor as shortas you like.

2. WILL I ALWAYS BE WORKING ON THESE TESTS?

Hardly! Two or three good tests per year shouldkeep you in touch with your child and supply you withplenty of informationperhaps before Christmas, dur-


62

44Make sure

you keep

your tests

interesting.

99

"Plane Sense,"by Dwight

ing the summer or in the fall. Ifyou want to do more, great!

3. MY KID HATES TESTS!

So, don't call it one! Give yourquiz a happy or exciting title."Secret Questions For Sarah" or"Dad's Amazing Crazy Quiz Game."

4. USE A PENCIL!

You'll save a lot of time cor-recting an error or changing aquestion when it can be easilyerased.

5. MAKE IT EASY TO READ

Try to' print yourITAL letters. Ofcourse, avoid usingwords above yourchild's vocabularyor reading skill.Shy away from typ-ing, if possible. It'stoo much like a"real" test.However, a typedtest is better thanno test. If you andyour child are intocomputers, you canuse a PC to con-struct your test.You might even

questions using easy-to-read CAP-


63

want to go "direct-to-disk" and send a "floppy-test" toyour digital son or daughter! But remember, if you usea typewriter or computer, more creativity or sillinessmay be required to keep your test from taking on toomuch of an "academic" appearance. Don't forget, yourtest should be intimateandfun!

6. MAKE IT FUN!

Why? So, to quote mydaughter, "It's not boring, like aletter!" This is especially impor-tant if there are some seriousquestions you would like to gethonest and uninhibited answersto. Insulate your sober inquirieswith lots of lighthearted andsilly exchanges. A forthrightanswer to a "heavy" question ismore likely to surface when sur-rounded by queries like "DO YOU THINKSHOULD BE DECORATED WITH PIZZA?"

7. WHAT IS FUN?

CHRISTMAS TREES

Things from your child's worldquestions aboutyour son or daughter's friends, pets, toys, etc. "CAN YOUFIND THE FIRST WARP IN SUPER MARIO?" "DRAW A PICTURE OF

YOUR DOG READING A BOOK."

8. IMAGINATION

Make sure you have included some questions ortasks that will allow your child to use his or her imagi-nation. "DRAW A PICTURE OF AN ALIEN FROM MARS." "HOW OLD

DO YOU THINK SANTA CLAUSE IS?"


64

A Complete the squiggle,

from "The All NewBigger and Better

Than Ever 1991

Dad's Questions for: Dionne Test: The Next

Generation."

"Mom's Rules,"

by Dionne

9. HAVE CRAYON WILLTRAVEL

Don't forget the art! ADad's Test without requestsfor drawings is like peanutbutter without jelly! If thou-sands of dads ask for picturesof "The Alien From Mars,"maybe we'll find out what thelittle bugger really looks like!

10. DOES DAD REALLYEXIST?

Or is he just "the guy whosends stuff on holidays orbirthdays?" Try to think ofthings you have in common,such as places or experiencesyou have shared or thingsthat only you and your childwill remember. "WHAT WAS THE

MOST FUN THING WE DID AT AT

DISNEYLAND?" These questions

will remind your child that "dad" really does exist! Hetook you to Disneyland, remember?

11. THE REPETITION GAME

Choose a common experience, like a song you mayhave sung together or a story you shared. Each timeyou send a new test, find a different way of askingabout the same experience. This can become your own"private joke" with your child. "A SPOONFUL OF SUGARHELPS THE GO DOWN." "TRUE OR FALSE: A SPOON-

FUL OF SALT HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN."


65

12. WE'RE TALKIN' SHORT ATTENTION SPAN .

Make sure you keep your test interesting. This canbe accomplished by mixing a wide variety of questionstyles. Use a "multiple choice" question followed by a"true or false" and then a "draw a picture in the box"request. Try to create surprises. "DID YOU THINK THE LAST

QUESTION WAS STUPID ?" "WRITE YOUR NAME BACKWARDS."

13. MESSAGES

Messages can be subtly placed into your questions.Perhaps there's something you'd like your youngster toknowperhaps something as simple as the fact that youmiss them. "DO YOU THINK IF I DIDN'T LIVE SO FAR AWAY I

WOULDN'T MISS YOU SO MUCH?"

14. DAMAGE CONTROL

I would strongly suggest you avoid questions thatmight draw other parties into what should be a very pri-vate dialogue between you and your child. "DO YOU HELPMOM AROUD THE HOUSE?" is okay, but "IS YOUR STEP-FATHER

EVER MEAN TO YOU?"

might create prob-lems. "IS ANYONE EVER

MEAN TO YOU?" is much

better. In general, stayaway from names.Your harmless inten-tions could inviteinterference from anunexpected source.There's always thepossibility you'llreceive an answer

"Nativity Scene,"by Dionne


66

you're really not happy withor even one that alarmsyou. But, at least, then you'll know, and can take appro-priate action.

15. GETTING YOUR TEST BACK

By enclosing the all important postage-paid-self-addressed return envelope, you instantly limit the poten-tial of third-party participation, which can often benegatively apatheticor just plain negative. The pre-

prepared envelope allowsyour child the privacy andindependence to simplyanswer the questions andplace them in the mail with-out any additional adultsupervision. Leaving theresponsibility of postage andfinding envelopes to yourchildor a third partycanseriously jeopardize the com-pletion and return of the test!

A"The

Professor"

by Dwight

16. USE YOUR OLD TESTS

After you've made yourway through a few question-naires, take advantage ofyour old tests! Review thequizzes for questions to be

followed up on, repeat activities that were well receivedand create new questions based on some of the unex-pected responses. This will give your tests continuityand keep the dialogue meaningful!

17. DON'T BE A TEACHER!

When you receive a completed test back from yourchild, avoid the temptation to correct grammar or

SO QUESTIONS FROM DAD

67

spelling errors! This is not whatthese tests are about. Such scrutinywill take away the fun and inhibitfuture candid and frank responses.If anything, "grade" your child'scandor and imagination. Circle par-ticularly honest or open answersand send back a copy of the testwith big red "A+ !"

18. EXPERIMENT

Anything goesmaybe betterthan you think!

A-Elf and

Dog," byDwight

QUESTIONS FRO" DAD 51

63

SPINOFFS ANDSPECIAL GUESTS

Much like a successful television series, theDad's Tests have created "spinoffs," likewhen Danny Thomas was pulled over for

speeding by a then-unknown Sheriff Andy Taylor ofMayberry or when Richie Cunningham and The Fonztraded laughs with Laverne and Shirley. It's interestinghow a question or subject included in a test may takeon a life of its own. The nature of these spinoffs seemsto be that they just appear unexpectedly. The very firstspinoff that I experienced was, perhaps, the best exam-ple.

I think it was about the time I was waiting for thereturn of the second or third test I had sent to Dion. Iwas having a lot of fun thinking of the questions andwaiting to see what kind of response they would yield.It was all still pretty new to me, and what I might havethought was a great question could receive a "dud"response, while an answer to a blatant, straight-forwardquestion would have me rolling on the floor.

I remember picking up the mail and finding a parcelfrom Dion. Right away I felt that adrenalin rush andthought, `Aah, this must be the latest test." But then Inoticed that something wasn't right. The package didn'tappear to be large enough to contain the test. I opened


69

66A question

in a test may

take on a life

of its own.

.Im y +4, .-+ le e49Stell 11419911.

. Mir.; DodiChi. wriral7X6 r+

!My c 494.04n

9

lie wailineman row

0ZAK941099 THEhewerTwii

SIR

o. is.

&MOM re 911Mt0. leA MCWOLslie

Mr( yvt.rwiLewor Me1je.4y111.1.

IN1 5 Camay%

.j. anrx 'IS: CAT

(R ti. 1.44:

It140161

a tj. WAyaffi V.IntinVilit sac marl* gnivestinu

v A y IUKLIJeilESTs rot DA04_

°Pint fop Part44 Weskit

Dionne's "A Few Questions

for Dad" Test.

it, completely oblivious to the revelation I was about toexperience. I couldn't believe my eyes! Never in a thou-sand years would I have expected what I was now hold-ing in my hands: "A FEW QUESTIONS FOR DAD." Dion had

created her own test for me to answer!After picking my mouth up off the floor, I felt that

the test idea had come full circle. It was kind of a natur-al evolution, but I never saw it coming.

Periodically I would try little experiments, just tosee what might strike a nerve or add some new angle tothe tests. Once, I sent Dion a letter explaining that mycat Mow had written to me on Christmas Eve. Ienclosed "Mow's Letter" with mine, with the intentionof getting her response in the test to follow.


0 BEST COPY AVAILABLE

I, MOW The Kitty, DO pLEdge to KEEp thiS Sacred OATH, anD To the BEST of my

KITTY AbiLitiEs wiLL FulfiLL all duTies set Forth in THIS AGREEmenT:

1. I PromiSe to TRy To SIT in Dad'S Lap EVERy Waking HOUR Of the day.

2. ShouLd HE walk arounD. I wiLL follow HiM to evEry room in thE houSe.

3. if He getS too near THe puPPy, i Will sTAnd iN AnotHer rooM ANd cry.

4. If hE lays DowN, I wILL lAy on his sTomAch aNd kNEad mY paWs On HIs cHeSt

aNd puRRR.

5. WheN hE GoeS TO SLeep. i Will PaW aT his eyes, noSE And LiPs until hE letS

Me unDeR the coveRS, WHerE i wILL SLeeP beTwEen hiS LeGS.

6. if hE gETS uP duRiNa THe NighT I Will geT UP too, anD theN rePEAt the

whOL, pRoceSS.

7. I voW to hisS aNd to trY To sWAt the pUPpy aT leAst 4 Times A dAy.

8. i PRomiSe TO aTTacK, kiLL, aND eaT All sPiDeRs aND FLiEs.

9. I will MAke weiRd soUndS WHen i sEE BirDe oUTsiDe the WiNdoW.

10. wheN cLeaN launDRy iS placed anywHERs in the houSe, iT Is my duTy to coME

LaY oN it, befoRE it is folDed.

11. I WiLL, wiThoUt FAil, sPenD at LEast 30 minuTeS a dAY cleANinG, swEEping

and crEAting aRtisTic desiGNS iN my CAt bOX.

12. I will maKe suRE thaT a nuMBeR of spec/CS of kiTTy liTTeR aRe uniQuEly

pLaCed throughout dab's rOOm on A daiLy baSis.

13. I will faiTHFully conDemN all baLLOONS to deaTh.

14. iT iS MY joS to siT on aNY PAper oR maGaZinE That daD would likE to rEAd

or wRiTe on.

15. AnyThing tHat is oPen, thAt I can fiT iNto, I will go iN.

16. WhenEVer daD is usiNg hiS ViDeo caMeRa, I will tRy to bE iN isvoRY sCeNe.

17. I pRomiSe never to eat mY dRy food unLeSs it is mUShed in wiTH my wet

fooD.

18. If aNy stRange doGS or CAts eNtER our yARd, I will waRN dAd by making my

tail 10 tiMes its noRMAL siZE.

19. I will caREfully smeLL *Very nEW iTem tHat is bROught inTo the hoUSe.

20. LastLy. I pROmise thAt whEN I dO somethinG bAd, i will alWayS look reALLy

cunt wHeN I'm doiNg iT.

YouRs truLy,

MOW

Mow's pledge to Dad.


BEST COPY AVAILABLE 71

Dear Dion,

On Christmas eve, I couldn't find Mow. It was late at night

and I was worried.

Then I thought I heard someone in the, office typing. I peeked

in, and there was Mow sitting at the computer, typing away.

I thought I was dreaming, but on Christmas morning, I found

this letter next to my bed.

DAD

On the next test, I asked Dion the question, "IF YOURPETS WROTE YOU A LETTER LIKE THE ONE MOW WROTE TO ME,

WHAT IS ONE THING THAT TOBY (her dog) MIGHT SAY?" The

five questions that followed inquired the same from herother dog, cat, turtle, hamster and ducks.

When the completed test was returned to me, I wasa little disappointed. She simply answered, "I'll get himto write one," and then ditto, ditto, ditto to the otherfive questions. I interpreted this to mean, "Dad, this is astupid question!"

Once again, about a week later, a thick envelopearrives at my door. To my surprise, I was inundatedwith pages and pages of crazy comments and promisesfrom all of her pets. Here is a sampling of some of thethings that Dion's dogs, cat, turtle, hamster and duckshad to say:

1. "I'll fish for and catch more rocks this year." (Toby)

2. "I'll try to keep track of my beloved rubber ball." (Budher

PRO

3. "Practice my hissing lessons once a week with Bud." (Princess

her cat)

4. "I will eat all my food before sunrise." (Samsterthe hamster)


72

5. 1 swear to eat all my salad." (Godzilkrher turtle)

6. "To quack all morning until we are fed." (Mohawk &

Beethovenspokesmen for the ducks)

7. ". . . .And most of all, bring in birds, lizards, snakes, mice,

and slimy creatures that haven't been discovered yet!" (Princess)

As a result, it is now a commonplace event for our

pets to correspond between themselves.Spinoffs can also be ideas that the tests inspire.After so many questions asking, "What did you get

for Christmas" or "did you like this or that thing that I

ShMOW TWiLLeY

DaD'S ROOM

LOS AngeLES, CaLIF.

DeaR PrinceSS,

My namE is SchmOW TwiLLey. BuT yOu cAN caLL me MOW. I Live

IN LoS AnGeLes, califorNIa wiTh DioN'S daD.

SoMEtimes I heLP dAd wiTh the teSts he sENds to Dion. iT'S

my joB to siT on the paper when he tRiEs to wRiTe. ALSo, I muSt

aTTack all peNciLS!

aNYway, on oNE of the teST, Dion sent Back to dad, I found a

dRAwing of you, so I deciDeD to wRitt you a leTTer.

i aM enClosiNg a phoTo of yourS truLy. If you caN senD me a

piCtUre of yOU, I will pUt it up neXt to my waTer boWLI

This woRSt thinG that ever haPPened tomE occuRRed when I was

playing. I was ruNNiNg real faST aNd juMPed into tHe baThtub. I

diDn't kNow the TUB was fuLL of WATER. It was like a niGhtMare!

Has aNythiNg liKe this *Vero haPPened to yoU?

I haVE to go nOW. Dan juSt GoT out of tHe shower and I nEEd

to bile hiS feeT! NeXT time, i'LL tEll you aBouT thiS crAZy

puPPy nemeD 'Carrie' thAt lives in the hOUse. Write sCOn!

YouR FRiend,

MOW

BEST COPY AVAILABLE


73

4e1(

Mow's letter

Princess' Speech

10'

got you for Christmas," a light bulb finally appearedover my head. I decided to videotape the wholeChristmas present process.

I showed her the things that I got her and talkedabout why I thought she might like them. I also let herwatch me wrap the gifts and pack them up to bemailed. On a subsequent test, I inquired whether or notshe enjoyed my "Christmas Video." Her response wasaffirmative.

When the following Christmas rolled aroundandDion had her own video cameramy video was nowanswered by a video of Dion opening her gifts onChristmas morning. After Christmas, the videos wereexchanged between us. Like the tests, it at least left us

Pe*//0

(lowfle

ee

rn y paitir ; b ifINTI,5,

Qvor \is s

ti::za SoM2,-1,Th i f') 3,D0c.11--

vex 08esitry14403 u;eAlcisi.. sianmios; n ;A-.4-004% Cs'? / 4 h A...A.D.A-t

knack: CA+-F00 c$..t.4..ati in fiRCY

s +-cc lerd iQt, Ka 46. tyvaal.71tA. AcY11.6.

+ha t) k alt ,-1-kose-

Milk"I'L;5i77;47fILOrYLLigtuhttYkt4ragyk. n y

/ft../ 14,401-511;epAr

A-iv:0\1P, y;\ SI'NaniktisidhC tica.i. 4.f r3/P4)

i; eAr bac-

101414..a.-

Die ffylvAK4,_

oh yam: OA St CX 1.1" n.6.5 41

0"401) t045447..141 Atli 5 VOA 461644 CAlaralftia


74

with a memento that cap-tures the Christmas we"sort of" spent together.

It should also benoted that the Dad's Testsalso feature visits from"special guest stars."

There are occasionalappearances from "Mr.Rat," a plastic rodent whostarred in one of our homevideo movies. Mr. Ratenjoys driving his car and takingfor pizza.

There is also Julio Mangles, a legendary fictionalcharacter who was the subject of another one ourfather-daughter video productions. The documentaryincludes various interviews describing Julio as the manresponsible for just about every important event inrecent history

When I was a kid, my parents had a funny old forty-five called "The Little Man Iri Chinatown." It was the flipside of a hit called "The Green Door," recorded in the50's by Jim Lowe. "Chinatown" repeats the same lyricsover and over, making absolutely no sense.

Dion and I would sing this novelty tune togetherwhen she was still just a baby. Sincethe song was so exclusive to ourrelationship, I've included somereference to "The Little Man InChinatown" in virtually every exam.

How to explain "Baby Snakes?"I think it started after a visit to thezoo when Dion was very young. Fbrsome unknown reason, Dion sud-denly started calling everything

his girlfriend Ratina outA"The Snake Family," by

Dionne

"The Flea Family Portrait,"

by Dwight

.


lJ

"Where's Mallard?" ;by Dwight

from french fries to pencils "baby snakes."Unexplainable by modern science, this kooky quirklasted for q rite a while. it ccordingly, the entire Snakefamily lives on through the osts.

Oops, I almost forgot to mention "Max-Dog." Howcould anyone neglect a rock n' roll dog with no legs?Max embarked on his path to fame in 1984 when thesong "Max Dog" appeared on my "Jungle" album.During the promotional tour for the album, fans sponta-neously began to cut the legs off stuffed animals andneatly sew them up with the intent of tossing them onstage during the concerts. Eventually, a few "Maxes"ended up in Dion's toy box. A character like "Max" is anatural for the tests.

The latest addition, "The Flea Family," has just madetheir debut. However, no explanation for them is possi-ble, nor needed.

There is no way to predict what may come next. I'msure that those of you who try my method will experi-ence new and surprising "spinoffs" unique to the rela-


76

tionships the tests can createbetween you and your child.

I think it's important to let yourchild know that you are eager toparticipate in their fantasies just asopenly as you would address thehard questions of real life.

Baby snakes are not just imagi-nary characters. They are real resi-dents of the world that exist exclu-sively for myself and my daughterin the Dad's Tests.

A"Max Dog,' by

Dwight


'7 7

PART

THE TESTS

'78

ABOUT THESE TESTS

Isent my first test to Dion when she was a littlemore than ten years old. The quizzes appear inchronological order, concluding with "100

Questions From Dad 1993," with Dion nearing thirteen.These time capsules represent an on-going exchange.In fact, I'm currently working on a new test, and I'mconvinced it will be the best one yet!

Many of you will have the advantage of being ableto start using your Dad's Tests when your child is muchyounger than mine was. Translating a seven year old's"chicken scratch" will most likely be more difficult thanthe task of "decoding" an answer from an eleven yearold. You may want to customize your tests accordingly.Leaving a much bigger space for your seven year old'sanswer may raise your percentage of comprehension.

While my tests have been cleaned up a little inp'aces to make them more legible, I did want to prepareyou for the challenge that may lie in deciphering yourchild's answers. Answers may be creatively scrawledout over other questions and responses. Words thatmight be spelled correctly in school are embellished orgarbled in a jumbled frenzy. But, by design, all shouldbe fair in the "no-pressure" environment of the test!


79

With teens, you may want to "streamline" your testto improve its capability of competing with dances,dates and sports.

When prospecting through the hieroglyphic maze ofsymbols and illustrations, sometimes the true meaningof your child's answer may be overlooked. More thanonce, I have casually glanced through a test from year'spast, and discovered a fact or some subtle humor onlyHolmes himself would have caught at the time. Perhaps,in the years to come, even more camouflaged messagesmay appear. Indubitably, a tantalizing mystery!

Of course, the tests are not substitutes for visits, let-ters or phone calls. Instead, they are a whole newdimension of communication, providing an entirely dif-ferent level of interaction. Ultimately, this methodologymay have a positive impact on the other, more tradi-tional means of communicating.

Many of you may be able to relate to this scenario: Imiss my daughter. I just want to hear her voice.Instinctively, I reach for the phone. After the usual "howare you, how is school" queries, I suddenly discoverthat, at the moment, I really don't have anything inter-esting to talk about.

I'm sure my daughter is perplexed about why dad isurgently calling her long distance to ask how she isdoing in school. But, with a copy of the latest complet-ed test nearby, I am able to quickly refer to her cleverspin on The Big Green Rat from Outer Space, savingmyself the embarrassment of a temporary mental shut-down.

The tests provides a wealth of subjects for discus-sion. Chatting about Dion's drawings and answers notonly provides fuel for future questions, but also sets thestage for a continuing and meaningful dialogue.

However, you may discover that too much discus-sion with your child about his or her answers may dis-turb the safe shelter the tests provide. I've found that

66 QUFSTIONS FROM DADr-10

these questionnaires create a world of their own. Partof the magic of this world is the way that thoughts andideas can be exchanged without a spoken word.

In the end, how you decide to act on what you'velearned about yourself and your will be your decision.Perhaps there'll be much to dodissecting the answers,analyzing the artwork, and discussing the "red flags."But it's also possible that there is nothing to be done,except to cherish and nurture the bond between youand your child, enhanced within the playful realm of theDad's Tests. In short, it's the fun you share that may bethe most important thing.


THE DAD'SQ_JESTIONSFOR DION TEST

ere it is, the test that started it all!I have to chuckle when I look at this test today.I recall how excited I was about it at the time,

but, compared to the "ultra-mod" grandeur of my cur-rent questionnaires, it seems so awkward and primitive.Still, it was a successful experiment, and I can see that Iwas locking into a process.

I also notice that I completely omitted questionnumber 29. I wonder what that question might havebeen? Perhaps, on a future test, I should include twoquestions numbered 29 to make up for the slight!

All in all, I don't think it was really what I learnedfrom this first test that was important. It was the rap-port it initiated that was the magic for me!

However, without the test, I might never have beenaware about her almost-spiritual reverence for pizza!

QUESTIONS, QUIRKS AND COMMENTS

QUESTION 10 "How is your Mom?"A question like this might cause problems. Steer

away from queries about other grown ups, especiallyparents. While your intentions might be innocent, they

62

may be misunderstood by your child or the third partythe question relates to.

QUESTION 14 "Can you think of any new thing wecould become famous for?"

This question was based on another one of thoseon-going jokes between Dion and me. In the past, I hadsent her letters in which I would ask her about sillythings that we could get famous for. Her answer, "Teachour dogs and cats to bark and meow Xmas songs," Ithought was clever, and, who knows, might haveworked!

QUESTION 27 "What is your favorite animal?"This was really just a "filler" question. I expected

her to just say "dog" or "cat." Her answer, "Every ani-mal," I thought, was very touching and really saidsomething about my daughter as a person.

QUESTION 36 "Do you know what you want to bewhen you grow up?"

Her answer, "A good-paid person," makes sense tome!


83

- ----iiiii

. -... +

.i' :. ,1...4 7

1E DADS bl

____044ow_AR.E__You.

..._... ._..._Noi_f.$)

.. __0.2.11)_..../042.ET

. - .

? . .

Goas4._--. or,____F_tur _____ GREAT_ ,

NV Posr CARL*. ! ,

.

13 DID ICI Gla_Ail/26s_r_cAgiaigabLsaske ,.2.

4).1401.1

lEs .1._AL.______L__ .. .

. . . .7 .

ANOT11.111--Sik.Sa---;--0Krana....-G2-.:: . . . i : i.) I mci I Aka ate_ ,

-,....- 2.,...;.f.-ts\--,,.".....,,,,,,,.-.0.4

, "P., ,. tr ?4,;.: .%1:..$.'sti 1!,:.4.-.-.,`

fil .. HAT.' , : lit

-::.; --actvc.:.:Az.,1..i..,?,-.:

,1- . --. u. - . ,, ,,,. ..-., t ..,tc,,,.,

er a . .

ego.i...1 ,e ' 4 ,. Ott:,

,...

1., , . i 1.7,.4 - ....,.. ...

di . 71. t : a s l' .) t I 'AU - 0.1:-t ;-1.

.4 , - r, .0 gchuits PEF- :2 -'''' A: -vt.t, 4i:/ ''} a 1.04, .4k ' , :. '"-.'; ..

PrdlEZrfMirert,,

.- .___S,How

..........4_0.0tAtcs.......:_goi..ATALL- .. -..... . (D

....-4:..-Ge611........Tliratr.6..60:10Ati--,- - (1)

.0,witteniotriloo

I7..Y*-- -

Doiou isimstitoca..3..

.., ,,,. 4 *N144% -.

a iuSACiii/L-SMiti ? 1 ' " " . 40;"-- i.41:41r;s1:-.

0 . I ... A a . , .1 #., V94115WWY1.

- ...

.. + : 1 ...,' 404. ` ' 4 ...0t a YOU.

I .* A, .-- -:,

ES. 1 1LRY.. , .,-, :4;., 1,, -, te:. ... ,;

:. - -'i4 '' ,-,-zi.'. - .---.-,-.M.I.,

aw_rt -N-.,..t.a ft....,.:- ,---,-. _-

1:.thicialf LatigtElv _Atli .,:.:.,-,i-17,-,- .71-.':.-.741."",:;;;;'1'''!6-

Gaines 46 B . ,.'1,',.774,4V;r7,:;;;'12.:M;

1 lot.. . 7' iTklirea likTDm ,011 II a .

I If '' ...

L d ......dr.." di Me P .19,1MAlliffilir .1.4.': i. 7..' 4

.1, .C.

i '' '....r ,,,.

_ .n1111% . ...17111=11ilirrilatilli 771% .4" 4:.c"

rN

.. . . ..0.2,,A....w...4,...

. . , .,;..4.-7......t..2,:*, ,'

'....

Yes........... . ,121M,7-01ki

...................a.,..4., I i it lYi

kil? :t.' : -.. t ..

BEST COPY AVAILABLE


84

..

. .

6 a us. tA4 You_savie_our P

__

.

....

_As,grs bick.........

_____eStots_YofiLIAD Amt._ Yo 'la_........_ As_ -.. Ass. ..a...Y.x..saila

*ara_FAstak.T.E_Loso)

;

,?

,12ir...z---9---& -4. c T.4 OP- Movie s4Ae

4,..../.-zt....6420..w........._6 rAveRirc_4*A1

____61Avdear_skaAcy,_1_9.1.. --....S.....

(4) avokite_Dgmt_1 Lt mk.d')4 P I.. 4- boo 'UM_

_

_____ v . , 41.3r207;ftttLAHJML ?I.ti t . 0, n iiiiCt_...

t n C' I, -111.m101

-----..8..Wit0A-S-1PUR.-ZEST -alba?'S-O .r. e. 1,$) e

.. OY I :' d.AAA

_,; . ,

,.__. ____

2_01§sicittv...4RE Yo4 3

(V) PA.3.001140.%LiaLit 4Ao Whitt Felfa._X-mtier.S

IOW..i.

kNO -Ir. ! '1.

----- ------04...iiiattil..AuxiOtt_Aboa.a._.. _ liAkiii-kixt.--QtatitS.4..WORD.JX6U.1011). :Al 2z,Z" . q.

likkikcal4.00 HATO tveellem4--llec.ilou faceAlitilLAAN.A1.7_41111100.0 .:41411r3irrTuista____s

''.t..-Le..._....Q.........1121X2rAIb7decf ' '' .' x ..-1- ": \".

-------d----4j )i)-Ngt11.-,11(c.__PALS.L.L.._

---414)0-Y031-1440441-01410 V -Ailt ..To:_SE"..1.4

_ .._.___Accr Su&E:?.._..0,notsE. Ib_Youe...13Attte,4he.

en_.uuralikkuliate .. 'x,eJ ec rw-4:91, . i ...I. ..- ...1

- ---,

. . .

. . .. ': -.. .

. .:. .

-..,

72 OIJESTIONS FROM DAD


THE ALL NEW DAD'SQUESTIONS FORDION TEST PART II

After the triumphant response to the first test, Iwas inspired to press ahead with great forti-tude. Even the title demonstrated my ener-

gized conviction.This mighty effort soared to a whopping 42 ques-

tions. This time I boldly included a number of boxes fordrawings. To this day, I consider the drawings forQuestion 34 priceless treasures.

Since the very existence of Santa was falling intodoubt, letters to the North Pole became a diminishedpriority. Questions 1 and 2 allowed me to swoop in on"Go-Go My Walking Pup" and "Baby Alive" with pin-point accuracy, while cautiously avoiding "Liver" or"Dead Bugs," thanks to question 4.


QUESTIONS 13 through 16 After I bought Dion her firstNintendo system, whenever she would see me, shewanted me to play video games with her. After a while,she got me hooked. By answering my questions anddrawing a diagram, she was able to show me how to


86

find the Warps in Mario 3. Quite a "long distanceachievement, don't you think?

QUESTION 22 What a relief! I don't have to worryabout boysyet.

QUESTION 29 As I begin to establish my tradition ofrecurring themes, I once again inquired, "Is there any-thing we could do on Halloween that we can becomefamous for?" Her answer, "Go with our animals andmake people think they were kids in Halloween cos-tumes," assured me that a bonanza of imagination wasjust waiting to be tapped.

QUESTION 32 When I asked, "What is your favoritesubject in school?" I was startled by her answer, "sci-ence." It instantly conjured up visions of microscopesand test tubes as future birthday gifts.

QUESTION 36 This question falls into the "Ask a stupidquestion, get a stupid answer" category and providedme with my first lesson from Dion in "Dad-testing."When I'm asking for three things she has learned tocook, an answer like "Breakfast, lunch and dinner"should only be expected.

74 cLuEsTirINS FROM DAD

87

THE ALL NEW OAFS QUESTIONSFOR LION TEST PART

0 NAME two 'fiettAb5 you rCetity, reAfty,reAlly reAlly \NWT FoR x-mAS

O 6gi o.n A- 4-1-0.0L9 at 4,4,.

O G&Oac) Puvrfr-NAME two thifas yet) reo.t11 *JAW FOR X-MAS

5 tkeftp /3c4

NAME tWo k%\ W1? yOu kiNVA'WhtIr Cot XMAS

O kW, /4. doeiCk-_-¢Aen/r11-6-4.5e4 AAA, ..ititu,./(4/441745?st)

&NAME two Thinv you clorii wANT co R. X- MA,5

O Lit. J v-ei r- eACki...;ver

HAVE You SEEN the GifTEO CitiLDRVSS CATALoGuE?

1ES , 140

ir) If YouR At swER WAS 'its DiD you SEE ANY1

YES ---- r4 sfESiWilAt?

QIIkr Doss tolly WANT Fop. X-MAS ?

goat Now Dian' ASKWhAT Dan ego wort folt X-MAS ?

Dotifi IcpoW HE DieuT 5A1

WHAfOoEtie-PEE WAIST. FoR XMAS ?

13 W

wu.Qfjou t% thkr Jou cant kisi AktitiNxOM..I.......iONw

OR cIA-T.-0,4-5

OR +1"*.r

Dora KNOW.-- PRE-TuRRRRS Nor To SA/ oR ft-eckiorwci 4-44 ys

Cblou th,nk X-MASirES Shcu bE DEcOrATErt WITH PIECES OF PIZZA?

YES No. , At.,wAlps

8 Do YoutTIc the lAst qUE7aTioW Wks stool!) ?

YES Ikto



O Now MANY HOURS hagE /Ov playEO MARIO ZE 504CE Yok) Gar ir ?

Nor MAN4 --Ouikc a kw AiLLioS. .ZiLLiONS

g IN MARIO IIL CAN 4ou TELL. ME WHICH 440f2L0 oftWoRLDs I CAN nn1O WARPS in

WORLD (1) GRASS LAND ...AZ. WoRLDO DESERT LAND

WoRLD 0 WATER LAND WORLD() GIANT LAND

WORLD 0 SKI LAND . WORLD 0, ICE LAND

WORLD PiPELAwD WoRLD PARK LAND Nor SuRE

.as+ WARP is IN WoRLD PArr oN The. MA p is it ?

PART __ART ® PARr® PAere_ PART C4 Paw G)

PKTO PARI-0....._PARTO__ PART 0 . Nor 5uRE

If +he. Rst WARP IS IN WoR40..4... s T AT

+ht 11.1 the tAt ODLE- oR AT 'MC ENDIL.NoT SRC.

CAN You ORAu a ficlite. c*whER,E I Shp:luta bE 'to Cim0 1;- t v4Ap.p

a CAN You nu. ME Akitg, ELSE to het? Mc AND the WARPS ?.

YES NO Oft


89

C) ARE You Sick of Ar4Swei211,1 QUESTiox15 MARro AND Mc WMPs?

Yes No. CArif AtJUJER. BEcAusetu'RESIok of niuswEP_In2,-

OuEsiioxiS Abocii 1442va Aka the WARps

0 ON Youe 1i r 'list You SAID Yoult TuRtIE RANOJAY WhERE PoYoufrunk hr wegr?

Tusr c!FG fD hAl our wrni OTHER. TuRIIES

TO HollyWoOD bECoME A tAaviE StAk

Td ScooL To LEARN fo bE A BRAIN Su%EoN OfhER

031 WHICH Po You likE best?

SUMMER SPRicIG WitATER. fku.

Wou you MR WAkiT To Go INTO OVER S PAcE oR To ANoti-kER PLANET' ?

YES 140_ Do. KNOW 10u AIREADY An

WHAT Do Yco Think Abaci+ boys

like +hit like }hem Love ii)ER

WHALISIOuR FAVORITE GAME ?irear-40 t.

0 WHAT is Youa. FAVORITE TV 5tloWl Dont+ KnewYOU i.lku To BE TURNED INTO Ark *IhM tiouLD You BE? AeerPi-5ht5 st

WHAT IS THE ISEST I Ktits Abos+ DISVIEIL.AND ?____Zadrgfapc1

Q le.4SAirtA CIAO rAVOCTE X-MAS WAS itIE.....2±Viatik OF ALA..

WHO' CAT MARS. Ito 4t*CommerciAt. F012 Wheis 41n4+ Kitty CAT Foot)? -&-s-ke-e

6 is There AN/ +hrIta WE C.01.H.D Ob ON 1-1ALloweeo +11-14+ WE COuLD bEcotOE {1400 FOR

nnie k..t )v%

Do you Mink you WOut.0 LikE

'(Es ....--. No it. plivoiE.0 why Pio THE BAbl 5,*CE Go To

Pori K110.14

lb LeAati +o REAP SLITHER- A-ruRE

To $4.uol 14isssss+opHwhexi. is 'Iowa FA4ORtie 50,jed (14 school

0 Do You likt the DADS OuESTtoNIS FOR DIOM TESTS YES

HATE ihEietADorit IKNoW

Levfriu.i64

...Jive c.,skA Ales,ILLA 10E CREAM

SCH001- 1

No


3KU COPY AVAILABLE

A Nauru.%

TO 3'f

A GmosT

Pit -PEE

Sup

mAR%0

® You OW Comic boot% ?

Yes -2k No IS YES vAtict4 °cies ? Acc e -aLtdiak*C-11C-Cs

14kiE it) COOK fhiNce

YES No , Its)WhAt

CAN VOIJ .3610 ME Mrt NEW Photos

1ES No

C) ARE YOU GAD US is AU 1AST QuESTiON

ICS ---- No lg.-8 WWI Youa NAtiC THE *MC THAI You GAO

71 0-ke ,ti . e 1,11 L.

CP I LOVE ;LOVE) LOVE I LOVE lovE LOvE I LOVE LOY C


91

THE ALL NEW BIGGER & BETTER THAN EVER

1991 DAD'S QUESTIONSFOR DION TEST: THENEXT GENERATION

Since my travels in 1991 allowed me to visit Dionon a few occasions, and I knew her life wassomewhat disrupted by her move from

Oklahoma to Arkansas, it wasn't until the early fall thatthis next installment of the Dad's Test was completed.

I guess the fact that Dion had moved even furtheraway and so much time had elapsed since the previoustest accounts for the "Dead Sea Scroll" length of thisquestionnaire. I had a lot of questions about her newliving conditions and how she was making the adjust-ment.

Perhaps this test should have been called "Dad GetsStrung Out On Cappucino For Dion Test." It was, how-ever, the first test to feature a cover with original art,which I thought was a nice touch.

Along with early Christmas inquiries, I added lots ofrequests for drawings, which yielded the awesome"Alien From Mars." Steven Spielberg, eat your heart out!

It was also interesting to learn about her fascinationwith science was continuing and that she was alreadythinking of college . . . whoa!


QUESTION 23 I decided to make further queries to fmd


92

out if she liked to eat anything besides pizza. Can youimagine my horror when "barbeque" appeared on herlist of "What do you hate the most?" I wondered ifthere might have been a mix-up in the maternity ward!

QUESTION 42 My request for a short poem was grant-ed. However, I found it illuminating that she had clearlylabeled her effort "a song." I realized it was a little earlyto be calling her a chip off the old block, but I liked theway she was thinking.

QUESTION 53 "Do you ever go to church or Sundayschool?" I was pleased to learn that she was alreadyattending church twice a week.

QUESTION 63 Once again I try to assess her culinaryskills. "If you had to cook a dinner, what could youdo best?" Her answer: "Food." At this point, I knowshe's trying to play Tic Tac Toe with dad's brain.

QUESTION 87 The fact that she could only name two ofmy four brothers could have seemed disturbing, but thequestion lets her know that I have four brothers. It's abeginning. Use questions like this to acquaint yourchild with relatives he or she may be unaware of or hasforgotten.

QUESTION 88 "Would you ever like to come livewith your dad for a while?" At the time, this questionseemed harmless to me, but it really wasn't. What am Iexpecting her to domake a choice she doesn't reallyhave? It's hard enough being a child without this need-less weight. Avoid questions like this altogether.

QUESTION 98 "What do you wish someone wouldinvent?" Her response: "One day per year schooling."Edison would have been impressed!


93

ANDLL NTNLKNGAGN

EVER.

1111 DAVS QuesTioNsFOR. DION TEST:

ME WA' GEHERAllog

sirr

.01

QUESTIONS FROM DAD el

94

ni

rnj

II

Now Aee You I Not Good-

.

.0; '; 41.

CHINF

.-"

GitF.AT

AmswEg. is No why

:Do You NCI sOme.TRiewas_tillasi ? Yfs-- No

T. ,it ADAM, MF SAt4E AS Tut_s 14.

11 a ANswca is MATE ?

V,I4Ave you MADE Atn NEW FRIENDS 1Fs

'co irtOw MANY ?

:

At oT: 1. 1. a sl.

q haw MANY PEOple'LivEim ft*ftousE \gm

14Resta MANY PETS ?

;NAME fhREE_filiASS a MiGHT. 'tIAIIT To BE_ 14hEta you

6 i tr. e-\--fj. ® (4,c\-k.

0

2P314

CYNAME ihREE *lino you mull) .NEVER WAN.if

_ 0 ,g...44,24.1e;sadAls-J2

81 QUFSTIONS FROM DAD

9 5 BEST COPY AVAILABLE

. . .

CIIILKAKE_ALLIA.E. \LIDE.ix__GAtiEs you hAvt St-tp:e.r iihtv ; c2.

fOc%;

coal

(1).. ' E thERLA9 rii_WiSILTIA! hAD ? (44.4,,Don_k,0y KOARsi

`° 5---C-44 ':. :---=2S44r--an_04) (y/...,:.Ts-Q..-1r4044 ...12,0-tr

0 ;OA+ .zE_SlIaLdga_youiNtAellezCI:WhAi SiZ.E_ till. d_o_you_ WEAR ? , i 9EtiQ"

1 r Y.!, . ..: iv,...v

1-10wAttbdigt(1511514105E,L 4c,crt_Cz); Whth i 5 yokAglAyolaktj4A8LEAciLoitheAallowins;

ArAv 0 CA -I-

OA- 4-0 DESERT 021--....diaLtififres

.ii 'F*A DRINK nkr-clior,\

illiim- ® FRu aFM' eo 1 : tliasmaLta..

.

'I co.- o e.' -

..1 Wha do yo f Most ?" NAM EAcH o tt g5161difia.

's11 1n6CANDY ha'.k : '7. .

vS, '' SERI t̀ri..:, .7

..Lai.-iiiiiiiiiiiit&;tA1-ge-SNACK e

: low ® DR;hIK tP1 0 : , .....% ..z. 01 ....:1 A fr

.. .PAI 13 A ; IA I . . . - 11 A

!

r-Z.) cb you ALL tauF refit Art BOX YES Vi_- -. I . . f p1P.s i k AP

- .,-.-4,

G i40.1tUtihill. tiCAIRLA WEEK, Ch You PLAY? ,



la /11.1-

a, I

A . III

oe. ,..J.4A,_,A_A

I ! A I

li it p SIMk1........ I_ 4.

f,,,.

A IA

ii A 111..Ljt.

lirilA .: b. Ii a a , , a ,

II0 :4.0.40. ", IP: ..d.k AA ' id

linalr4 ..2 r . ., - .41Ir

11 0 ,,,,,,46.,......_1...,Aim,..4,,

all . : : . ,..

... !,....4 , _ .t

m,,...4.,..._....t=,-...4..x.,..

I0 ...1, 911air . 1 A ,...,,,.._... I

,44

rd" ' A. ,I.Arai

:10..o.-4_4,-- qt.*

e A

I t

a

1

'11

a.

J La! 61

,

,

. -

, IL.a.v;r1".4.1

11 1.4 L.illa -

p foraf.11

"b:3 ,1".". 1 . I . . : .-..,,.

1.-v? I . I ., : . . : 4

Il;, ...1.21. .. 4141 . I - I

lI

06.0

II

.

ii

. \

65) HAVE you SANJED the ld.ttels_AND PaStCAR.DSIIc SENT You

1111RouGH THE YEA-RS LYES\C-NoAie-1-4'. MOT

er)

aro'NG

, , . il . f hl CAN IALSPCIANI-eliPP-LE-WAME? e'(6

cu'/.;s ihr pit.i1/ Gvin Alive of JuLio_MARGLes_Agginlei R. _

rrd +he MANaLLEJARnwilaiacai.._ "Iii ; lk.zdy

_______spiaout_wgATijtiLoo4CD

ou Go To BED ? SCHOOL PAYSII_QtMEKEND5 Pp.; atZ wa Irk

; ;_. , . ,A ,, -a ? - . L-PAY5:74......M.f.E.KEND512e0g, k.12..io

14 Rt Te A shoe.-1- POEM AbaernBY.' '' ' -'' --P+14.

1 .1 ne.0.00,_nc..e___S_O_yolt.!--

*401 e_ti... n 42..rd

1 C.1:1421,8,1 I t.4./oU bAD imi bt Am ANIMAL Vihth WOULD IQL) be ?

al 1 whaii is Yount FAvoRrrE Subdwr IN Satoot ? AtAst&IA.A__

® jilineei: ASKitAG YOUR. MoM) How ad) is putt. DAD ? 3LasipAliiv;smb

Amp uinki- ie. Nis 13;ith4 ? DAY 7 mon+h '''.. YEAR 71fil}riiEltE WAS A: i I HAE M AN AN 6; MX 111441.1

A l 1464 is 4hr sc./ink-I- -mac. You au Siam; co? auli.Vsci-ok,L, 2 elAn4.6,_,

a. , , w .., .. u. .I,. ...,l, 7 Alitql . - Al_. . - a . & I., : _ 1 ,..

':-a lilt Mikes You EflosrSA S111040,;,,-

so,, - i.,t,.. .. ...,,, -,-,Th

11. 'la i*je_tdism_;-. 4A-ctn%Ay :Ads Vi*.... ., ..... ,.. _.:1 Ow s-rii. f mix honk ? i,Iii.. 'Pao t 4

'Lb Yod 44,iyik yenta,. 14 ARICAM.SASTA 1K Di cfrre.ry l'iy? 3E..i.3...-1-- - , I

,. . 7Idti eV I g Giii: . .

- 4._ .....z..... Thi,

1 "15- UAW riga) . XliVik vikric vA Wthuitt A lEAtt

-.:r' -7,4!. .:uf 1. s balm 144y Dina NAv r 1 t) eV:ly ..

biglisi6iniesAlogatEslutgatisalgua cI

I0 % i0OTNItiK `{OUR %nits lit111.0.A.151E5t_ ? W

QUESTIONS FROM DAD 8$

98ifItT COPY AVAILABLE

.1FAGS

_AsizEslitou_cAti,tikAul+

'!Do you hAvg ANY Mougy SAVED ?

4,ED . : i4 .± r : I

If Yps)6JP1trii 1 -la

1.f Yes, Do you b'ke_if ? Yes V-140Ci!114,tvgYouSkalpriacEss _Tx) MARIO r yek \",""

ts 4hr Vu2TRFs't You HAvE 6:ottit4MARIOITt ?

tgl,Do you like y0Ufk GAME.? MORe. 411Aik1 %Wile Nlimmt4Do sa..114.4)

1.11

loY

ow you hAd to Cook A cIinneit)WhAt CouLD yoticki Bess?'

40.in You wer h te.Aiat to ckihic A cia? YES La Deka it* 140licr r4 or-t, cP--



.

iik_Nau bil luticrt AI Scuont. ?YES____NO_Qia.C1h1C__V---

. __CI:Do_r_u_hio_e_ALAssrite13AYEt?

@.CAttiou NAASAI-L_SILQ_ElQuiz DAPAAtu Ms? SP roLty f\)64-- 1

0 VI; OS (rip___ (2) ...... # % , , . 0

6.12.c_youluveAusixoLayALaticia3 Yes_NoZgawLIANy ?.

giqbasio_ry like.i2Esr.Lam5 \--ff:rt4E B6ATLEs,

if is Idr..i..a.a..j&ThE ticrefuoom it.; Azt4sA5,..whiLtiyieis_eiWben. A L : ?

"?'1

ta

tor ? YE.5 Ncs.-et:PSLYCLQ1,111110135-1C"S4A4estawaelgRuszit r A I +HI F (V---Ncillucm___ NEVER.

kedYea 14 ?_______OhibAiliRliSmani2cipui rosy ft 131,D .4

®WhicH DA You like bEsT; TAkitts?).A__ 4 124T'i?

tO :, .4 14. . r

Aillik

1111M11131 ., r .

1 MINI i à l I.

I 'algliffini ,

. at it A

TOVIIIIRP®:110,giff YOuR ClunO SiattINNRE: - .... IA MN )6_,

.7 ip. ,. II . . , 111. :I I. .

, ,,.. . , -,.

. .

1, ii : 0

5 'The.m 44,_Stag. You. Like_ in -1illanin1 o

a) ; , :. ..--- P'-`4'11:.'... ':-.',"(if '.....-, Ardijoa-',.: .

0 w h ht s__Youtlittaliallaw


10 0 BEST COPYAVAILAIR F

...:.-

1.

.

11

1 ....',... --:. '; ' ''''' "k t . - .4.-.

:.......,-..

Y. f&fi ,... f.1.,..11 4'4 ,-tv- 2-,v ,...4., ,..,... :N... .1';;, 4;

. "it.V -, 2..;-: .4.1. I 21; .1.,F.4,104'''''.-311.,.... ,

. - .""'"1

..:.= 4- -: ,s-- = --'-:-. ,.....-; ': - ... ....5.: 4t, 41,

I

.

- ,

rrlli i ,-..:.,:r.t. , ..

. Mt":.. ... ... .1

11..k. 1 . . . . i IliP-Aiiii."--.,,,,t.. ..

, .., -

..

. as

, .- .

.. ... .- . AIM 4b11 ' -2;

NIMIKEI MW I 3

..."..) ,

0.: .

:..;

..,-.

. 1

...

'' l' ...1.

..., .

,-.--' ..:

r.,,e-.A., .ir-toav AND BUD ,... -.;

-...,,:37e-.4::,-",:, s .-....- . ;..,:.: -4,6-4-4At-v.,4,,v

- - , AN' Ait cm FRem MARS;;L;?..s...t..- '

4 irf.; IiiiC

- . , -. ,..'ri......,:...,...,- , -?,:::: ,,,,:itset, .:',;,-.:!ii:*

' '...1.:':''''::-..''..'',.; :*.. ' -,"5`..:0',.! ..i. :r r,e4..... i?."$717:`.Y2.',....' = ,Ig Nri 44.x-i.:.

2:i ff,,,

,t.x.: ,...ri. .. - 4. ,. .,..,:g.4:4?"".?4.- 4:.<%4.v --..^. --1-'V 2 r.. A.,.,......,.,

ComPi. Sautrar.L.r5; .e.r. 41:1 -- -

'.^71.:(4:i-1?` i

1

",-.4,.. :,/:0.'"?...1,Vit.,. :

1..., , 4 1,.,.-1

..

A., 2,.

'.' ,Okift4k1-40`A.- .74 ,: 'dis.....4,,,:-.,-:.;:-.,44i :.. 4

ri.i.i. . , ,-,- ,: ;:f.''' '

''.: 43'', .-:, .. ? IIlAW-fis;-I.4 ket 4.- .;-.4U.,= ., ,-,

,;....-, .... ...:: .I.:,....,

. . Neff4141 fWaA ,.-;s.

Wir''''1 1,,,,16 ?*; 4..1 e . .,...,,i,., .z t..

Z , ,.

1;-A .:., ..C

... i.'- l' l,'Z*`,, .: '. ',.'' '?, 7.-,. .. d

,.s . :.1

4-..01I,.ikt-a. s.

_.

,i.. +L.-e4 . , .

:

-..,. .,,,

...,.,, 7: r ,,-A - ,.s.v., .,,AEffilik7411P:'.

f , ki litlirN:N7Fi' .

wital-00 NA, A

11111.

:.,-...'

r. '.

!..... .,,,,, -.4---: 4pLiv,.,,ist:(, ,,-;.-, ..:'1--', if.:,;e....1:1t .,9--.,...p,oh4P--tl'i.!.:,444,, . 1?,z

.'*-zk; ; ,.',!,,I,, i :-..., , %. -- !,4!....1 ,

II

.: , i . Al' "t . -A;.=S:t.i:t'S ',--i4N47... P.': -,- ;-:4M,... ;1 47 . , : ' :.:!.., .-":,f4":4!4,,,,;. .. :-: - ,"-" ....:,..4.0[0.4.,'...r ii.- II , -

. ,-. !.,:. ,-

. - . . .: '-f....),..1.i,r`-..i,14:.i,, un..i:;3. -.,..V.:,4 4 ,,t;!, 4,....44' s, II

Is1.1.. ; "-... .,,.

'W xr-.%


101BEST COPY AVAILABLE

7 :74 71.'1F.,71:MWt. t",

" Itk ; uk "utictES. CAta You tame' itleA?rtCia9-

tualLayaii esiez Li kg fn CoME Livr WithApiRSADAWthikl___3.:asnitmolzs2

-.1 r, , e, 1 _Ailta.at te_,ii i-V iEs)uthivi. Kikm . ,s C1

0IDO vau like puz2LEs? Ygs_ Na_ Nor PliicH/

: ki

ShlartLaraglar

I' M

Do you thini5. ?nti wouLo ita IPA R.0 frx .,4plA4

ut, . .

tits) YOu)k)Jout ts.g4rci-i ChIF ?

No;why. ?a a . . . I

II a

Xia-Ste

111 . 1,: .1

;i1Likc 4;1 lip 'somfnA/ 191 14eri rNiV

;C:412'11-k (lad r C12 r

ciaScRap

et.

FtiCru: 7c-Sf.ik*Oy1.\-"I't, mEt.iriAT,.

...AMNON...


BEST COPY AVAILABLE 1 u2

... . .

.: ...- :- -re:. .. r '...

...- -...4-i- - :.- ' 4,..);.-.. :4.4.i. i.,,. ...,. .,:-?.ii: . -: . ....,-........, ..,--.1a?., ,.,...?....;, - -:. :.. ? ,':.lil .

14 V..;,0 ..:Wefi . ..' .v2'. '' '',...4.....- ....."1:, ,iii . .. .. ' i Y.-. .4.',J 4.' 1:: . Z.. r. , Ike:: '':" - '-

Iii

. '0-

"... ' ;.. i 1.... ,,.!

, ..- f -il it,. .4. !i, : -

. ' -1.:r. , - ---'....f-,. -,.

e*Ni . :. . - ..: 1-4 ; -1,..i .1.-.. ,-. Imr.i.:35..i.:;.:.,,!..,

. .

Vail; DRAW the 4 ROW i At: 4.;',.;'.'.;421;54.Wii:'-`74irAfl. "We.',5Ak.-i* ..

1: ,...X,:,,, ...**;%.. . :. :44,;;Z;,:,-L.',',,,;4", : ''.';;'..1.,;;!::31,-.4.

If : .'.;.

..! . k ''' :!..,;.:,..- --a:77, . : ' -. .

II ... . .,'.4.,.. ..',..i4.' 4.1131

li 4.. ? '':' '. -:',.4', : ., r0;45,......... am 1111.....11. ELM . .

a 0.-. AI

' . -, , 11111WIAIIIII IMibi*

.

'4 ':, ' lA MIIIIIIMI '''' .-.. 1111M. 'Afier i)'''''' ' Ar.,/ IIIMIFT- ..,-,..

A ;;

'4: .4% 2.7- Z. 1; ':A

i'- . ..i:; :-2..,...

..,"- '...; ,,-4, :.f .. ,. : .. .!.. .

° 41 ''S'.."; -...'.:14,;1'.?,...-

.,.14:40X44,;ok.,7.:f i : ,:4t;.k.*-.11NOW MAWi.1 .1 ,. , v,- :.,';' im..' .... .!'; V.1..., ',....;afnh" .

,.. '', ":: .17.14 4 ''! '. .,. 1. , k 4,4% . , 4 ..

: -it-F. :.:,t:r.4 :( ....,:, , . .,..,q: k.....;., . qr: :,, .::.f. . .!,,,,Ai?....1;;A i ; -..,

A4,,

. `' `,) . 41404.71,-

i.CttY.tri..4'..1'.t.:.'AP::.--34,:i:':;:i- -,..,, , ..,,I.g...,r., -.. .,;-:.,,47. ,:,vo'i... .i,:-.4D ., ..,... 7,S C.. 4. 4 .. .. '.:%1;-r,-.7;,' (ji,,,..4wk;;; $i

.':::41:i ii.ii:':.2::::4:::.;:v: . 7.7. ..:-.7475F57, rsi. q,..iii. .. 7:-.:

:....4. 4-.7,-,*.,1..ht.7,..- A .. ' ',

' id.. , .1.',-4. , . .: ..,...- ;.,:t , - ..4:,.K .I...A? .,-...1 -.171Si.e.'.:.:Xii-..

`;-`:'-.- :1,",zeif., IA , *; .4'''.'- .. -.`..--Wr.911.;r-lailDra ,.::"_:. 11". -,"''',...., -;,.'.-': h'..,_".',... '......k:..;;.

.,. InYr wir-Iii, iiirzige. KT i -',7-;,' 7.-.77:90r17.\1 '..--7.7.7," ,. - .- , 0-1,-;t :,.." IL ..., ., irr 1 1112 -4..-.`..., .fre k.!''...' e.si.:..:. : -.41k-.....e.t'!"

. .,.., .4 ......1t,r--- q,4,'.... --..:-... .,' ..-...,.c.f;,;-;::1:;,:., . L.:,.,,+.:4.....: "li-, :4 -.....,

,.'. . . ' :0 ..; 'ft,' A I , 1

-;72 ,...711.f. 7 , 1. - , .7,, - ..,. 9,,' 1 ...,4-- ....-4';':'''',:. 4:1;:iV:Af .,:.1,': ''..`,=: : : '7-, .i..,...i.,.,,I.......... .

:7,;;...... ..,,,,.A... :;.;;4:;-....:,-: "..,...4:..rfe, 4 :.:14. ikx6F.2!...1' li .

lig ---.1!!'"`y,... .,... , - t 100. + ' ,1 ' ::''' LEFrietiaillattak-i-r t. I f-311 '

liwor. .. . ... ,,.. ,. _, , . ..... , ., ..4.4,,,,,,, - ,.

w

. ,_, . 17.,..,...,,,,dgu a- ....i ft. 44 kikili ..., Ad ): 1:11.1.41V

, 0. ,,, Wffirellilite 14.11 2 .'4'. . -

_ .

1,47-: I r 1'1.. -'.1...3 1 .4,$7 f: '-''' l'i!,'-4:-'e -2 - *,.... i. ; ,

....14 42,11' t_ A ILI /V .

.... A ,,,,t,...

''? ' ,i,, ,

',....' i.

L .#,..' :: a*


103

4. '

BEST COPY AVAILABLE

7-111 ed 1 3 j I p 11 or (2)

1111111111P . "I I 4 I I I

4 ,

.1' 41:- P1 4 an .: (V)

1r Pt ; ' I

te *"`" Auer 409 " I

.. .4 CD

4 I 7 .7 I ezk

r ' 7 'o

11111111201114112r512200X:1 neCiEnallIEIEVIIIMMILICIa 111211111514,13M10111011. rAZIETSMISTAINM136.10

nwsrkarottoumexima qman::-.19. 0 Dual

firivinitar.1=nEimigNcre. , 1 i .

Eanrilidgir _

a ° 00 _rill

materzr&ar roisurgX2/1 , : 7'

01171E:47)" 51 0J.1411.... V ; p ,

: 0 Mari 'IlZ a MINE: 1 AV I P.* r I

111101. 141)iCW17014,-BA i . . ,.. - 11.011NEENEIVIEREILYir,

. ' ,

EiirviEUALfriliPIVArdebilLIN I 1 I P I X

01

.e

Ft Ilif yQhAvE ANY OilFstiokK About ihr-ftstokzusT 'NAM To TALK

You -CAL CALLANY_PALAcniLlioelPt4 Foe-PREE__ 114E CORRELT ,.......,

.g(illier...R_MQ_C tit.jthA-115:1118Qtal- al:355_IsfouP-AdEIRFSS it4 APKAwsAs 15 Petrie..? 80)(6t. SOMe.fiMES BOX

IiINUta- lk- 1 P : Pliati)fif i S\

Ne.115 to SuD Your. PACKAGES to this Addr _ss NE No

II if go hAtAcssmss &sold T. 4A!_ yr To? ;1II

II

ij t1

Ors think c4is te.

0 0 U

Irc No AixILA +he'

ARF tiro 190kirt5 gnawArd MieDisi.EXT WE-

11 *5 V No go/ rei_ A white

117 hAwr you hAr.1 The. LotABes+ Titaillui 311u_ Lace

akititiA144.-4v2iA terkiii:ieZ80,

I

-MCC .k C.A2O, ANY vdhazAttLY.

(GAUD lApr OP. pAscv IT tK 214E._ Rea MARKED akttheiCIsifi0

Octi;,:.i..IS 2

28 ARE You Gull) thiS-raT YEA_

0 , !,t .

ID I. I P

u.

, 0 . ISI J .1 II

g . 11 , % I : .

i* ,it'd 1,1 C

.0*

11.0 en eltrilt l ;an' :Ai !.'S

1.

tot

sNYy


1U5 BEST COPY AVAILABLE

THE AFTER XMASDAD'S gjESTIONSFOR DION TEST 1992

This is the first test where I finally leveled out toan even 100 questions. As you can see, theeager reception of dad's exams continued

undaunted, as evidenced by my daughter's message,"PLEASE SEND ME MORE," urgently scribed on the firstpage.

The title art was probably one of my worst efforts.Instead of "After Christmas," it looks more like "DuringHalloween." What a mistake! Why didn't I use a cover,like I did on the last test? When I got the test back andplaced it along side- the previous tests, I vowed that allmy questionnaires would have covers from that pointon. Sloppiness aside, this quiz is one of my favorites.

This edition features a truly excellent rendering of"Samster the Hamster" in Question 29, an invaluableinsight into the sacred law, "Thou shalt not withhold lit-tle plastic animals from thy child at Christmas."

A few more serious issues are sandwiched betweenthe Little Bunny Fltmily and the Teenage Mutant NiiljaHamsters. A splendid time is guaranteed for all!


QUESTION 23 This question earned one of my favoriteresponses from Dion: "Did you feel sad about home-


1U6

less people at Christmas?" Her reply, "I forgot thisyear," I thought was a very honest and candid answer.For some reason, I know I'll never forget it. There areenough sad things in the world for a little girl to thinkabout at Christmas. I think it's okay she forgot this one.

QUESTIONS 69 and 70 These questions address ascary issue I knew I eventually had to face. I'm alsosure I could have easily bumbled the whole thing overthe phone. Fortunately, I felt pretty good about theresults. In Question 69, I ask "Do you know any kidsthat use drugs?" Her affirmative response was enoughto sober even a former hippie like myself. Question 70inquires, "Using drugs is: OK; OK if you're careful;OK to try once or twice; Stupid and might kill you."I believe her "check" on the last answer was honest andallowed dad to sleep much better. I strongly suggestyou try the exact same question, or something verysimilar.

QUESTIONS 73 and 89 Questions like "The Dad's testsare: Too long; Too short; about right," or Are youglad this test is almost over?" are a good way togauge your success as a "dad-tester." If you receive adisappointing response, perhaps it's time for a visitfrom the Flea Family.

94 QULSTIONS FROM DAD

IU7

poripc7.747.-77,,, 47.

isAFTtRDAD'SasQUEST101

1,4 TEST1992

.alkki AM, YouR Y-/.145? OK FINE- 6,Re4r

0.1ilsis Yov, X-MAS, BE ttE.e MAW lAsr y E R K Mad- #i Same

0: AD SNOW ? YES No

0 Do you WISH A-,^1:AS C.AtAC tWgi: yE1,1? YES No

®, A/W' v ir400k 3 rilvogi f1G PRV:11,15.

fo;

,® ref. Dee0 <__106:1166-04-kmurs-lie..0./t.ci/z

0:AhtitlE you): 3 FAvorktiE Little PRE.sburs.

0

G.WhAt pRest.10 was the blest suepRise0.')IP you gni' ANYthitsk6 you clitiLt' !ikE? YES _No ear-

,: Yo, whAT

P' you GE; 2 of the stoiC YE5,

YES, WhAT?


luS

lity to Li ST 30 thwie 9f1+ ftlik x-mAs, No MATTER HoW SMALL,

:2e1twe'll"."*D Orest e_

:0 Pre6gea 4tedauta4m,

TU-. .

A,. 0tisk

..rdt.robetWr&v.,0140.00.01 0

Qt./dn./1A-. :

nen .

el Which GAME Do lou I i KE.fir bCSf

0Oemerporrhatislitelsm

. 0 pat 104ow yetkiAvE you, SEENJANTANA FoRk?

ciPo you lila St? No ALOT Lovcit NV


3 VICIN MAN'( befORE X-MM fhE box I SENT,

- 0 DiD you opw_if fh dAy you 80+ r . 40- 14"sar

KNOS OC TRADING CARDS..DI.D You likE bEST ?

Zt.too .e.$01

.ct If I ciwo othe&. KINDS, OF TRA. PiNG_CARDS , WGCJLD ou wAitir plc

.Lo Ger.-them. Fog.you..?__Yg

HAVE_ yau. ENtEe._.sEE w...CARDsJilsE. ibEsE_BefoR.E I No

"IRE theee.AN y kiNDS_Of. CA.RDI.thAt.. L.SENT `fou fhAf._you

w0ut4 iiE iloR 1_kl Es

crt. dx3.Dv../D .yo u i.ke...K1. Nett xr 1.6A5. _Zot4.Gs ? AI. No --kinciA A lot

Which.o4E.dict..you ?

,

_Bath_DoitiT ow"

g,Aallouitinkof A 14AME..of A..

you.fed SAD .Aboyt. h-ottimusi .peopictrX7.141A.0..._

AI-- Difeitibuix..A1;lovi.li

D_Nictu peis . l_YEs

jr01444Skster

, Tort cznitcrttr4SitimcEs

Q_UESTION.S FROM DAD 97

II

yow:4. viAttZ

:\ilhAt is yat.ik. hAM5:teZis IlAms

WhAt ARE ruk.cluclKsNAtA 57.

111),o

akaakakfte0

DIZA*1 YouR.

Diuw Yam. HAmsto.

gWhIcH Do You likc +hE bE5+ ?

(i) MR ..RAT.

. k Q Tu 11 o t1At4G LES dt,--® Both

CI :WA5 There. Some-Minch xou wAkn-ED Fog 1+41-

.1 You dd'rvi. GE T _

517


iii

1)!E:IkICC \IOU .d01:4 5pOri'S AtJD S doriA- tike ceorts,

:t2r9 jot) +hulk wAs 5trANbe that r Seri* You ''Ani.c.et.5.

Ou'nf.fet-D 7* 1E5 /1 Na

®AAA. You Zee() 3e:CoRC-. 7 YES No

.DID You like ?Yr.s No___.. mot 1...OvED it,

AVE.t..11- WA-COAF:D

Ci4f looR Pets WROTE you A le+ie.,R. the cwa 141.v.0

-ro tAE 'rosy MIGHT sAY? cp./24

I Jti;-1 *eto-ctts .

WhAT MIGHT BUD SA'( ?.

whAT WOULD PCINCESS SAY ?

WhM WOULD. YouR.Tu.RTLE SAY?

0who woula %?ovit tion53ta..5m.

wha,i WOULD /OUR. (looks

eir)0 you wtSH I hAd nt spenT So MUCH Motery Conti mini Tv

ANP Got You MORE toys irlsielki IgtAMoleNT



OD ARE. "eak.1Go%n-to use the pic+ure. YcLi on ,4.17JsT SPA 4 f

,. USE SAvE V7T-hrot,,,, AWAI PuT fht.n3S 111,i+

usE FoR ShAv 418 Doric Kniow other

'41here s The, it i+It buishf FA Y Goi live ?

0 what .cioLs +0 FRorli MEAN?

. CFtgaid 5 cil.Cir4-el

0,Do you tir,i5 DADS 5houi8 'OE SArd (3cri+ 4.

CARD of A c6IfT FRotit chlid AT ? YES 1./

Po you wisk I wouA ZetiEdri you

PLAnc, Awrelatz EvERy \iEAk?"fE.S

4coDo you Mink CARR:-."1\7145. PuRy):5 CUTE ? YES .1Z No

(3, DID you +hink heR. Acive(rURE 4hE TEO" WAS luiJOY ?

8: Po you +funk r-AVIE ANC. Mow did A good Sob WRAppin8 youRX-MAS7,,

. GtiTS: TES telk10 BUD AND PRINCESS could do Fe+teR

CIP0 you think youizieachers writ believe yours mini Tv is A

Lut4c1-1 Box ? YES .Noe!.°.ohdadCi,Do you Wi51-iru hAci A bAETI brother or 5i.SkR YES_ No V@.);WhiCh WOULD you P-ATHER. NAVE. ? 5151-ZRAG....

0iWhen you ce-4- youe, pi esems Rom susito _4,vje will you

!!cpil otz tkirrfe. Mem. AwD 5-Ay +h)4(1K you

ii.fAD you even. played +he Momo?oly Ow GAME. 12E1Oec

9p4 if roe you ? Yes .NoCliWhAi is #ne 4Jotts-k NAME VOR A GA. r.s&ttrAtktY1 PANACIA

is there A l'Aca 13e11 IN ARKANSAS ? Es 0SWEAT ltithe ottsi NAbIE Fait A Boy 44*rlJ°

2/1,16/6 1,111,0. .3,dori CHINA



(vf4.41.0'1er-`1- Ato3,WhA7 do ou Feed yout ;65u

WhAT 5 .r!OL'CIOE.5 rue. 4.-1.112}1E 'Nt.AR? 040.12o AtsiloWc; ELSE SEE i'ne.se. .seigir.; you 4/11.80r

No last :#1.0m 1,71FRIENDs ON-ar-r

DRAW

YoUR

DUcK5

.00o the VIDEO TAPES t 5Et4T 100 PLAY CPC ON YOUR. vole ? `(ES

CG.WhAi' ONE WORD t>L5f ClISCelba YIY PALLONterl VIDEO?

CaWhAt Is your hAP154Cte:5SAVORIfE:r4 51-tow? Im cA.q

Po you couniry lelesTERt.lo titi5le. Yes knet44atv:

(i) Po you like. Me ot..P blAcitiohrF5._ shl,e.guocK Haritcs ?

Po you chill PoG.5?..YES ME5 NEAR.

Like ch.; i. AND hoHoSs ,but Nat -rose.the,

,Do c,cru iNow ANy Kan MAT usE. DRUGS ?'1E5/ No

fifi.U5iN6 DRUGS IS:OK OK if youR CAREFUL

511.1PIP AND MIGHT 41 Lt. YoU )10e.po you gervico.t;eg the Robot z1)01.1/4) tusoio ao roR You F SosAo?

:Woo .D filAk.' MAKE A good VIDEO?

0.14 945 l'EST ARE : Too Lowc6,-roo stlz.r_l:Abuw," RIGHT

h11 -,AT best you AVE cloP,JC ON PR. MAIO? ,ewee/50740--(DARc you Icoi;r5i-r.loN4,:)-to (.7.2+1.:144 OLDER ? NO

°tiro TRI o R -NicC



CI:latch 4o you -i-ilrvi= 'novo se the i3Evr Maui e?hRoba DiJck",

.Tt.S.11AGE "'WAIT tkIts1ZA rIAMS-TE S cRAMKUJZTIE NS kitly)losto

,&. Do \jou bell eve. ill Gi4csTs, ?ii"..f> No_ Pon+ ic:tiow

0,114h AT ofouki-,IPtic is A a:06 NtAt: roe A 1644127; "Itt9041/4x lir..a. ving CouLD WE GO rAlvlous rol;? rt\sx-OP.,:(R't. Id..... siStv.4

D!,,r, \31., \Ike Peoi.s teite-.? YES ._.t4 No

i62).CANYOuR.iciiiy TypE YES le0_ POI, 1igfr5hVolAyS c3reirr PI4t4014/

C),Dip you ihlr.:< 199i WAS A 2tood yeAR,? YC5 ...41\10 ......._

C) :441 i 1 t clqz bE 3Ettek.? Yes_No_Dot,ii- ISwow..,.._140fa So......1

ctiiovi MAN) clAr *KS you sick 0x/elk he Hoci!JA1.5 ?.kita2-03_"<ag:.

;ARE You b AcIC... ,...4." \iouK SpuNKY SEL.F ?`{E5_1\10- ALleaSr.t -

6,:iS -theft Arnthinaiou hope.todo +hisyem4 . ..z.. .. ............_ .......:.....J.....;:,......

(:/Oolc Ut°11 %51.4".? As No 14:1.f.i.d x_..._9064%10%0

0,,.....i,1,,, i!AARto TX ,ThE Most Lo Es you CAN GET 5.31 'TkOEllifALSE.

*Could you send trie A Piclutze o4' youp..4ix.k4r. $000.7.......__ ..........._

stARE you GLAD its testis IS AIMOST oven? YES No

adwhATt5 youR. CAVORME .FLA4012. ICE..CREAM3. e-...... .

.0 ro *linkZutiO KAVIGLF.S hAS EVER. kEE1.3.i21.ARKAWAS?.144114410.41,.

PoloYou ittiiIK L_REpEA.r.somc.of..11.1.Quarioust,_.:po you_thinli.l.REpEAT sp.m_of_kly_QuEsTiat). y :.51 . ...t

._ Now MANI_AVot4 . if eMS .ARE..IN.rvIk.Cotte.thiabl..t._ .6.

(g), ARE You PlAnI,NiN(. +0 80- AtH NEW peit..r. ff.YES,4144*

141-IA4E You WolJ A GAME. of Mompoly YET?.?es.,ZNo LMosT

7vVbc.17%. Toke N 7° you USE r 4.0j1..)/1"0..412.2 1=4.01%

.190 `tau WI hAvc A copy of Surfs Dokl t. O' 7$.1..JVa Now 104 did it tAkC you to Ciritsti this +tat- Tnadlon/1401.41'

You CiA0, thinks you OK- 16404.111%s yoli

.L.OvEs you-- LovE , LOVES you... LOvElLovE, Love, Love,

. Lov E ,LOVE, Love,LOVE , Love" LOVE ,L1DV, LOVE, LOVE; LOVES you 4p...



100 QUESTIONSFROM DAD

In this landmark decision, I have finally cus-tomized my title into the current "100 QuestionsFrom Dad" model.

Even my cover was a showroom centerpiece com-pared to the ugliness of Christmas past. Inside, a shaky"dot-to-dot" is saved by the sublimely captured essenceof "Old Grandpa Snake."

The interactive atmosphere of the questionnairecontinues to chart unpredictable paths. I ask Dion to"Complete the squiggle." She throws the ball back inmy court, and requests that I complete her squiggle. Iguess it's only fair.


QUESTION 30 I was curious if, like when I was inschool, there was one teacher Dion just hated. I waspleased that she confided in me and named the teacher.However, I've rendered the name illegible to protect theinnocent.

QUESTION 31 In another school-related question, Iprobed, "What is Samstee.s favorite subject?" I


116

received a choice response, "Reading. He hates sci-ence-sometimes his cousins are used." Good answer,Groucho!

QUESTION 38 I believe this is an important questionfor distant dads to ask: "If anyone ever really hurtyou or did something bad to you, would you tellyour Dad?" Not only does the question let your childknow that you are concerned about how he or she istreated, it also initiates the idea that it would be okay toconfide in dad if any problem arose.

QUESTION 63 Here's an example of how a simple ques-tion can turn out to be important. I thought she surelyshe knew my phone number! She didn't.

QUESTION 98 "Could you call me sometime soon?"Naturally a question like this will only fly if phone callsto and from your child are not a custodial issue.


117

100'DNS

?.4111111


118

01. rectify liked you :4 FEW rs Fog DaD1-", EsT. L.L. "feu SEND ME

MORE ? YES No MaybE

0 I KEEP SENoiNs you to TRADING CARDS. Haw MAKJy cit-Fcerenr

KINDS Oc CARDS do \foe hAve lk) \pork Collec+;ort ?, 1-ck, Now.

0 HAVE You V,IkicrtED AtlELS hu +he Out>:I tt,D YET ? '{ES No

yes, Dip you like it ?1es _No Hu4D4 LOVED i'

()Whew I play Motoopoly, I likE to pltil \win C./..krAct..) ALJD ISAAC.

Who 80 you it RE -1-o plAy mt+h ? M*E OWEGERTRuDE- ISAAC.- ART AUR ERWtN

tI joseAlt MATTER k/*---0Whai- did 4he. duck say when .iks mother broue it SOME Soup

0 Bring ME A GLA55 of wAcidel

@It) FEATHER HAVE S+EAK

I 0couLpI hAVE SOME QUAcKERS

CAR

OiDoEs youv, beTA st4 wosts? `1E! _NoIT PIED 10146 Aso VOfrodAl is 301 Zoe whth happens 3 Mon+hs5Rom Now?

Cs:NAs 51.10wED sic r rikse. bew in ARK/4.151%5Mo AloT

®:P055 youtk MINi-Tv GET AS MANY sfaticms As youRoilltikokiE? 110"A

g Do you Mink you wool() eueR tow io-CLY A 3ET k RC R ACT ? _Tdahitsfir.

()Would you eueR un To 'TAKE A 514IP AcRoss THE ocEAKI ?

OWOula you eueR WANT TO cLIMB A ilouniAtO ?

you licE to .o ScubA Drit46?@Would you like +o hAV E Not NAILS SAGGED IN) yon?

CO. Do you ituntiou woola evetz..Vay sky d%vin&?

WOOLS You IikE i0 SO Up 10 A 1407 AIR BALLootJ

@Wout.o you tiViEk0 Rs% SIN 5LE PHAtJT? 1.4C

(Novo you like EXPLon A CAIE ?

SIWOUL0 YOU Go OM A fREAsuRE Hunt ?

® goumolco IA% ko MD? ANSWER%c QUESII0g5

MIGHT WAIJC To Po?


119

eitittivr GRADE 114 Schiool vou"14) ? (OAHow Much hot4EvJoRS Do you Get ? Nor ToNS

®WhAt subilea 6i46 you ThE MOST tiomEwoRK?

i

@WhAt 5ubjecT AT 5cHo hARDE5T ?

()Which 5 EAsy ?youR 5cHooL too fAR to wat..x To .

@How4:6 you think youR9RADE5 Au? Nor Goo

ePoNiou likeyouR TePalEits? flea,01s There oui.you hATE NIES)Whe f-tcAc..-t4v;,'":-,-,

WhAT A#45TER5 FAVoRIT15,51011gqi. s4.2t

BEST COPY AVAILABLE


J.Sq 0

How MAN`( Pul.ows do you I ticE fa sleep

6 Now MANY PiLLows doEs GociziLLA sleep with? ;71, 6000 Po you CNIER REMEMBER MC (N youR prAyE Rs ?

8 Po you kNow hol.0 4-o +Roo A Shtki ? 2./.42

Do you kNow how +o Scw ?

® Pa you kNow how to MAKE AN PrrogIc game?Co) If you did) WhERE hiouLD yoq uSE

ttrO.e. ti 4,1

® Po you Iskc ButteReiLis ?ID HAVE you EvEit PLPnT.ED AMINO?

rf yEs)wh4f? -/f4ttg4"--9.4

I4 You 5Aw A 6Hosr, cow You BE SCARED? rESN0_41r/Po You thinls Mum is life ou plAneis?

them is life ov cog plowei J nayMotheR)YouR GRAwoMother, ou CALL "TAMM(E.

.WhAT is he R. REAL NAME? TvitLLsY,eDiD you likc the ART'. did co The. CovER of this test ?

YES No (By to way youCAN KEEP the CoveR if you wAui)

0I se you Copis5 Of siOuR OLD 'TESTS AND GRADED -them.

:iNouLD you h kE ME to KEEP DoinbitiAT 11.) the FUTURE ?

IS 465 5 bap/ SmAKCfAND ih15 15 tilopirly kiAtc.

'r14:5 15 PAPPY6NAkr Dogs OLD GRAODPA SNAKE

looK GkE

Dip 14 GRow ? -


1. h. 1

'Now you kNow +he. Boo Nurnbeck +1Ai you CAN USE "to

ME VoR FREE. Buf iN CASE of An.) 5MERGECy,D0 you 141o.41

My hoME NUIllbER ? AREA CooE

® Do you hep youR MOM ARouND +he 440uSE. ?

YES -/ No A ALoT

NAME SOME WILD klititALS You hAvE SEEM SIMCS you MOvED

. TO A RKAw5 A 5. 2 2

() YouR MP WAS BORN ok) The __OA/ of +he __-.... MonthAT OcLocK AND THE THERE ARE .L.11--Leiiers tN

His NAtic.?() 941

WHAT iS thE 6E51 OisiveY MoviE cxe, ALIA etue16.7hreo'l

comple.le +he SQuiNie. ita"..

0 Ikiheir DIP you do v4i4h MARBLES I o{ you? f2olo

®00 AN OLD TfsT you sAld you hATED 801S.D0 you

001p you GET AtJy DREAM Sod% 41312 X-MAS ?C)Why WOULD you NevER Vicor To Go -1-0 NEW YoRK?

Asavilviv.A®You shouLD NEVER EAT Arilth s Mks bigaeafhAw

YouR 14EAD, TRUE FALSE


122

Haqt you seer; hook"yeewouLo you hkE. it if I look A ZEAL h110,3 AbOd. the 945 TESTS?Ii"

Cow> help oiheR Nes who livc fidz AviAltheiR kids, MAKE the, R Ov1/411/41

fists. YES " No®CouLp wc GET FAMOUS rot? i+'? YES c' NO- MAyinE(.3If I mAdE F!bs koic , I WouLD U5S picrass of you AO P1 AND SHO'J firt":

"(SSTS. WouLD eoiheR \jou ifthousaullsofpEopic 5awyouR dRAINit.ia5 AM?

Aisivticgs? YE5_ NoeVlouant It in fuumy If S'ucklenCy everrE v4A5 CA LuNs EAci-1 ofheR

,PADDY MoMMyoR BABY SNAKE/ 5o4GING Li i-fiE MAN IN Cht NA roMAI

AND Bettina letters fibm het pets.8 I was sugpaiseci you couia'rx+ think of A NAME of Are XMAS Sow,

:1 COULD ifikt+E.. Co.) you of # NAME of Awe kiwo so.f.

:,/ COULD WithE ? e:;:s.1fCcHN---7--

PRaw,

SUPER ToeY AND BATBuP

(§)coot.o this MAKE A Good MOviE

eitiow VJAwli +0 wirktiE A lelieR pRiNcESS. WOULD thA1 hE oI4 ?

Whea .15 411C 411.1Ra lAre6+-sAlue o Tulio MANc2Ics Ito

WORLD 10cATEP ? V44.4410


123

QUESTIONS FROM DAD ill

124

ewh44 is youct CAvotzike pAer of ZZA to MAt41Es? _.

els there Awyttlin Good About- LiveR? 74/0-----..,-V.P....v\L':.:. .....--__

6 Po youfink m/ pRit4riwG is 9joaci ? tWO Vc0 16/1/r-11'AINA71/ le 43 011 ' '&117'.

11 ,® WhAT MAKCS youRfuraly bora- tow? 1 c_c_iu:eio.,,,,I,

SCA', you Guess how tow?) if toolc ME. 1'0 MAI% +hts fesi- ?_ :-.,9.--

C) DRA\J TANooKi MARio

NAVE you eveP, heA RD of'ULT R A MA ?

®Who do you bEsi,CAFA i 1.3 KW. OR CApToki KJ PICARD

egkItto Jo you like bEsT, MR 5VocK 1----"OR DATA

eAlsouT Now osj did it +Ake you to KUSH this +es+ f@Comm you CALL ME SOME ME SO0N?

SPir) you Think ihE GRAPES I. GAVE you a/TESTS WERE FAiR?

CD Do you Miss tie? 4et-



THE DAD'S TEST FORDION'S TRIP TOCALIFORNIA, 1992

T his special test boasts over 200 exciting ques-tionsand a few stupid ones!

I initiated my "symbol-in-the-box" techniquefor the simple purpose of deciding what I could feed mykid for two weeks without invoking the dreaded "liver"response! Besides, fourteen pizzas might get a littleboring. It also provided me with an interesting overalllook at my daughter's diet. I think "beans and lizards"and "rubber pickles" helped avoid monotony.

The test is divided into Parts I and H. I can't explainthe purpose this may have served, but it looked cool!

Subtle aspects of your child's answers may go unno-ticed. Only recently I made the following observation.At the beginning of Part II, I listed a succession of twen-ty yes/no/maybe inquiries. I can see now that the con-fining regimen here was obviously limiting Dion'scapacity to express her answers, and that she haddevised a unique solution to the problem. What I onceinterpreted to be sloppiness or disinterest, was reallymuch more! Dion had used the size and shape of hercheck marks to demonstrate her emotional response tothe questions. When it comes to the "Dad's Tests,"expect the unexpected.


126


QUESTION 6 and 7 Earlier, when I mentioned my num-bering mistake in test number one, I had no idea of thescope of my almost dyslexic approach to mathematics.Throughout my tests, I find numbers omitted, repeatedand placed out of order for no apparent reason. I don'tknow whether to consult my accountant or see a therapist!

QUESTION 151 "Which is best: doughnuts or cinna-mon rolls?" Her answer: "A mystery of the world."The answer really shows Dion's sense of humor!

QUESTION 153 "What kind of pipe tobacco do youuse?" An important question that every dad needs toknow before a visit of this type.

114 QuEsrioNs FROM DAD

127

1//

47.1t7,17:-.771Prtrir4r.,74LP, TA

1-rHEPA651i5orfoft.0%. figvioN5 loCALIFORNIA/TR-

ON/ER. 200 EXCrti4G, 00E5710MS/41P A r.la VOID oilEs

(u 41e. -fiRsT DART' o4:- the:rest, Choose. our of +hese_ Five fx)Is

bE5+ 4-5 WOW) You reel Abouf e. ier s lisied.

I

v

LOVE IT

LIKE 11

ITS OK

IZHATE IT

DWI KNoW

0 Min( 0 CHOCOLATE MA 7C APPLE Z-UtCE; ct gRANGE, Tuicc

f0 TOmATo Tula C)CAN0Q Tuice

riTEPr A SPAcE

EAcii ITEM, IN CASE 1

You HAVE Awi COMIliENT5

ButteR

0 PRUNE

0 LEMONADE


128

OsI,OVE LIKE V* OK Xs HATE ? = DoeirKvoto

t:CRAWApplE UuicE ® ICEDTEA ©CoKE 717

0.DR PEPPER N7 I 6i) 7uP V'1® RooT BEER 171 (i) MALTSLi

6MILK SNAKES NI 6g Moroa Oa_ 1 I ocoRo

SCORQ 'ME Cola t J 8 CREAM CORN I g pop cow

1 c!71

fikrzfzeem-s--Aws BEANS n 6 PEAS

Crsr,;1/ .4 (k1/1)4\"tr."

BEANS AND WEENIES la 6 BEANS AND Liumos

CDSPItuci-4 171 TOMATOES Efe BEETS

LeiTucE [ 1 lb owiot.) 41) ASPARAGUS 1.6134 SQuAsti

P. 1 gCARRoTS

SAuEAKRAuT

6:ARTICHOKES k fi BRUSSELS SPRouts P®Mu5I1RootA5

eSweer PicKLES o DILL &Kiss RubbeR Pickles EGREEN OLIVES

45Weei FbiAt0E5 sm.FoTAToE HEAP ®4 PEARS 111

Ci51RAWBE1tRIES El 6Awthrots2/® ApplEs EttiORAPIGES

WEAcHES El OLAciSDERIMSa CHERRIES COORAISINS

U BRocc.96 Ceierty Eire SPIDERS Li

RIPE OLivesgi ® MASHED RafAibes


129

tl* LOVE Zt; t U Ki OK X NAITE ? DOIAT INOW

PINEAPPLE E GRAPEFRutT Q GGRApEs 2 ococowur

6WATERtAEL014 CAuThoun [16:)APRicoTS f X t GLIvER

C) StEAK C) HA M Idj F RAT E PORK CHOPS R91

C. SAUSAGE

OFIZIED CHICKEN ST

BAKED CiiicKeA E.aiutJA 117(1

FROzEP CA-14KEW ectiictio FRIED si-EAK

s*PePPeRomi El ® MEAT LoA.P;ge MEATBALLS

911EAT NEW FRielJos EC) 0yE7ItZ® Lobsieg CLAMSII0.5oulD c CATFiss C) Doe FISH RED 5nAppER.

8.SHRImP COCKTAIL. E ® SHRIMP SCAMPI

r-MO®ScRAtiOLED EGG5 I Nil g GGs SUNNriDE UP

EGG HOG

@SALAD t) (;) SLUE CHEESE PRESSiNCo

CiltALiAM DREssiWG

()FRIED SHRIMP

&FRoG EGGS Eta OfneLeTS

® DEVILED 5665

0/0,BuRT E:1

HousAwD Isuov DRESSING

C) ?WARD

Al 5tEAK SAUCE

HAIR PRESsit%

OMAyolswAtsE EIS MiRALLE WHIP

PICklE au% L J e TARTAR SAUCE



II ..E4jc.RE.Am CtieesE..1E.C) &GEjai roi-±A9E CHEESE.J=1

PARME.SA t4 . 0 SAL;M0_610140.1ati

iii TT _REATBALLS._

Lk .SALTIME.. 7

1"

Oh. GReetIBEALLAIJ.Q..CHE.63.g._AUCe

it;giogik-kimo, rkoic;puiPirogittlitiit Of CAKE?

Whirr

i s _rukfAVoRife .1ctitiP _camp?.


131eST COPY AVAILABLE

_qgt:1141101- is \icLuk5/Wati4e FLA4Dt_IcEr.egm?

CDV\thAtas_yaukavotife. Poisonous,stake..?rAvotiklitasof chips.? pi . 4 41

hAIS-011-1011LEAVOtilt 5Pi4iMiCH?,I

hais besf u4

hAtToppiv_Moulike_oalirzA.?luttliim_oi2ipE:tear.ta_013._you us

likElest bubbILBAlhottstm

0 Poyou hAir AmplEis lloba.t.oui_oack_SEI4D tit

pamembetiabRiasGonio0-04ou_ibelikasT vt.e()Ave_ Nagoo,s_ Aim& itioger At

VihaAtA&JaillifakiLikkleee

dr5 2..

wha clicl 41.1__baby stake_uyin..41e.tommie. SNA

krAdiAlk.sao Lon 9?

alLyaLpen.vissAkEtsclitsrsouLIOR.Pe.ppep.0L3 D45 5tier t 4hc NIttaitie._ A

Docs P4D pRomisg aoT To F kJ/ILK...CC/WM. 'AA . A

6Wt I/

, .11

.. , . re

en w I Jj.f .

i °A igie a( air

Air::0411611AUDifillabikeet6C1EATyeNsgleY"P° VteOP426Pr'e4)



TARN a.

"THINGS WE MIGHT WAkrr10 Po Ducoos 1517. AC et

O; Go fo Dist4e.yuwD. iE.5 o _NOEOi Asx ENERpme AT Disme.y1Ampfo Ou It

!YES No Aybs

a!FLAy viDEG GAMES. YES MAybE _6MAKE A frieNiE YE 5 No MAybe

®SET Builciinv ON FIRE AND Loor oRE5r------TVt ce"I

. YES No MAybe

OTRyto kEEp The puppy out 4 -the. L. .

Yes No tlAybE

etook to PACs Coleciions. ies...60____MAybe

CJHAvE A ROW- 5140W. YE5..,--MAybgClar BARBECUE EVER,/ NIGHT.

,YES No. ANISE

8 RecoRD A $01.1Giosetfieg lw DADS SluDio,

j. ....,. ...._ ._ . ....,_... VES_Ntl_MAy8ECiiiAvE DADS Phoio8RAPHEL Do 4 Nora sEssia) 0 us.

i YEs.-- No MAyBE

..0141ArcH OA ItviESILikr Supee. Dia tlaysE

64Go to Hollywood Amp look &Cr DING CARDS,Maybe--,.

URGERS.



.. _ ._... .. .... ,

.._ .. .,_.:. ,..

. .....i . .

c.v_- AND Pgml' ,stisellig A PizZA'

.

i

'1,.

._,.......-

. .1

.

.

... 7--IIPPLIV///11111k -

.,.

...., ...3...,......: . .....,...e.....,:,,...,...........,,,,:,........,,,..1:,,,

--',... ._,:4,4.... 4;74.....-i..:_,,..,.......;,. i., ,,;-,..k..:,

4' ; cA; * P-');-,:i5A.c;.V.4

','-''i .-,- '''' ','" 1,-,!..,.:*4 -.1.....iii.::i

i

I!

. ....,..._.......,...-.

-...,.. r: ;J.' : . .,.." ...-;-...,......:4..,.....in,, .,- .,1,-.1.-

. ..- - . .*4:. '',1.--, f.C.1--' , :;:;;1'...i5.: '-' .:1.-:-...,-..t:w:P±;;,-. ff.".*:.1%.,.'.11.y.0,40;.,::,

..1. '`,,"..:',i14!.::V.A.::. i;7,'"=4;'.1,9X;.!",1'........3..... ... . ......,...or,": "t.'---n.: ,. ;'

,.. '..OVAIAAISID 44A0 1

. :1::. '.... ...."::' ..:4314.":"....- ,

''' .4_, 4, .-'5., '.. .,... , Vt0.71:,- t'

1

. -..4.- i. ':41i..,.L. Of.1,.

LAit.'.":.;.....W#1 twp...i.A1.:;,:pi.:9

ig , -., -., : .. --..,..,,v tv,k

Iv ali .:': ,... .''-''.:-.%

.,.. ,,2-z, ?,......- Aty.: "'-'4;:.., w' i ' ''

'.. :"1.''.:'.'. -' t 1 S4....?...". .A11911V14

--.------h.--- es, ._A. t ' ..s, , ...,:4.73j.`,

..*..Ai..

/..amtlAbi.L.aviestoAlki1r-.-...4.,...5..,:,....c., ........,,,,

..

,....._,....____.,.....,...,..,..i.::,:t7.-...,=,.?;..:..,..,.s7:-,.:i_,

,.,?:........,...........,....,,....-,1..._,....

... .......?..,,.....,.4., .4, . ...', - Z. ",',Z ;;',ffer;,:?.."..."."'S'Yl-

.yi.....xi .:

-......+4,1"' -. ..

al li,_you,skiiP , . f kl,/, r/ 4 r. A 1 ,_ "-S

....,,... -,..,.- L,..........,* .. . -. - , .. is, 1 ,...WERES 2 . V. ! . , , I I O' II .1 ..... ' P I 1 ' :,.

wir_m_adir

..-

0 . . ill' 114 ; 1 -. '4.4 1 i . ! . Ad a.,,. t:,...., ....',,:-- 4.-; = ,.... ,,.., -,..,. - ,....., .

. . 4. 4.. 4 , .. ,ei ,."..-e....-

...

.1 ''.F...., ..

ita

.

--..---- ----.. I.KA1014...U1Ell

,.. ..,.-.,,',:. ,; .E.:;a1.-, ...4:. 7q;+:11,,: .'' . f . ..2

.,... ..,:.; .c....\; ..' I '',. 00141;.i 'I,: . V.I.,,e ...-1 A' . 4." - .14; ' ... .. ''''''' AP .... .' q'' .'.'. 4:1 l'.7" Ph'711.. ,..-V,-Pit a. 4 , C:0..,

..-..

:-.,' -, - .,...; .,'.4,',',,I.:. .r.v. 'irriar '

...',

- .0, .,'0, .7.."10,i Io, d



r-

100 QUESTIONS FROM DAD:

AN EXTRA EXCELLENT

XMAS EXAMINATION

W bile I must admit it was really hard com-ing up with 100 questions, aboutChristmas, it was well worth the effort.

It was great to get a look at how the Snake and Fleafamilies spent Christmas. Toby Claus and Rudolph the

Red Nosed Mallard deserve honorable mention as well!

I also introduced some new activitiesa "Where'sWaldo"-type "Where's Santa," and a "fill-in-the-blankstory." Furthermore, the test features the birth of a new,all-purpose holiday, "The Fourth of Chrisoween-thankseaster Day." Coming up with these ideas is kindof like throwing darts at a map. You either end up in

Beverly Hillsor Death Valley!It was interesting to learn that Dion would like a pet

skunk. Boy, would that be a holiday surprise for the

folks back home!


QUESTION 38 While really stretching to come up withall these Christmas questions, I came up with this silly

query. "Why does Noel have an 'V in it?" I thoughther answer was really clever: "I don't noe."

CIPESHONS 123

QUESTION 39 "Can you think of a New Year's resolu-tion for 1993?" She issued the following pledge: "Iwon't eat anything with sugar in it . . . NOT!" A"most excellent" answer, babe!

QUESTION 39 "Since you couldn't come out forChristmas, do you think maybe you might like a lit-tle longer visit this summersay three or fourweeks?" Sometimes the temptation arises to dream outloud. Try not to ask for decisions that are not yourchild's to make.

QUESTION 90 Here, I ask Dion to complete my list of"The ten things you would never want to find underyour Xmas tree on Xmas morning." Her entries:

6 A dead frog7 Rotten apple8 A dead Santa9 A broken Christmas ornament

10 Nothing

I guess 8 and 10 could throw a wrench in the wholeyuletide thing!


137

r rt, -re, r& FiTh'rebonli re17 bilvargIP' IL. _Ala vi:M.61)L!'al111.Sd rit'l

131 /ill MilliSri . 41011111),Visalj!Mit v/IIIIIi

FY I 'Ll 1:4111114S411110111111JIL- --.A.

Aill hia :a14111 0.4r A0 0 I TAIITel:0.

..- "--

'

mertrieduilr:'

Pr--r r, I.

; - VI 4 I.

Tv WWI

, 'I,

42

14 :IP 1 P ; In- 1

4 .1 1 1

I ,44 V , N

r ..,--wrivir .; r v. writ/ -. r ,,,,,' v .7. w I t1

v : - 79 - 7 1 . 't ' ' I as romenrciol

- A I' . . , - 1 - ' . I ; r. . 1 t 14'

. 1

# .... 0 ire, W . r I Kir, ri- Yr 0 a

W

I 11 II 11`

4%, 9, if yr 11.

ig 7 4 G. 7 .

111

4 7 4 7 i '

1. r d . . 1' "

'111 ts 7r ; Of

I :r

'1.9eX 7.7rffrfill .41 t" 7 P1 ; I RiAlet M./4

w

I°

ilAvr Yon SAIIFD Sor4E_M9neycoRkMAs pReserra ? (113 _Rrsinc e MON,khe) Lula you GET Gi ors FoR?

ARE DU gaff) Our_AA.1 x-mAs CARS3 ?

Whin- .5 Our of auP. rAVO _X- PlOVi ES?

I !!. 4 J I ,

1

MAN, A 'Timm im 1_1141e WAS CH1INIA MERE ..4,113.44*C.ou

1-Ns tlfAht? /142./u. a 1-ed-Qe tvvvvl

pr Th CAMEL hAs tilthhina to

at Wow) au likE MC +r) itE.0 yoS1R X-MAC esews liksT did LAST yEA2_

NAME ThReE MEpiu X-MA5 PRESFAITS u PftauT IntAmr

t

611 ts iheir_kaista u clem4 41A+ ynu WOULD CIKE ?


.140

iii

II!

1

--14-i-.

ai,th_o___Gai_Rgta.sivefki2yil_R.CaNciee2. ..49 I. tNA FEllid tso_oaciu_DAy_ _CII,DR-I(LthE

, ;

. .

...._

I-Z.

/

.

; ----.7.--'\.----.

:

\,

AELtlf_r_g_C,C). eie.ry person in the Wow) A )t'e.Servr_Gil?

-MAS,uulIpt_i_wouLD it Be t.& C fift. k . - 1\

Ci &AKITA CLAus% i9siolaife X-MAS is +he ts4e 'a _ .,/ if

youasiluikEsq.cfta AN)i.m4s?al ,imE ALL The caleceryt ISi as 44)1 you hAve_ hA.ii

I

OR hAVE As pe.45 .96: f.GtniljtQA vricluA0 ,A14 :, 4%

....-..i_.1- r( 11 IL .b. )'n 6.. is, - If Or P ...

Q.. / ,e) MAT0,9 d-iiisizzANNamg +hae.e. Akimm.6 h , at Nevtg.±4tsi.4142+you

you Woulcl 1.11<g o hAve., ,.3.-K.N\--0

0 a ta^,-.:2-A .© ,1 a V. AA


141.

61), X-MAS!--..----(7;

-.---0-i-a_W.A.5. _A-4141RL-Y4.1.4_4_..ka..1 ELL i k) _A i_...y.&,/ 1-ca,,m__

_LALLaa.4a.14:14.}v_a_w_ta_ALIMILsr_-tvA,A-le .0k1Loc_K Ar qtarr__________

..A1H.Ehi_ she wAsirlaKE.1142.__9.y__A..&..26.1.a.... N0)5 E ,_1±_auap

CI_____IikE_LcelEithil94/A5 V (ri ' ", Arc\-ya-Lite-__Rci.o5 or. he Q hous.e., ___-_eif...nlhek_CAr24&i /\ ,A

kiD 1-44. le-(;'c.xec" ilRE-D. ge,e_Dpa klAs al_ ._the kk 1 yAes.. it or ses_AND inilAY, rr

-4t +he loiNvvomi -in SEE Whoa tiApirAilt46. Bu r_,S_HE_Ccuis:Nr___

sEr Rnyfilin8bFcAu.sr -the4cakiks iAllin ,Sn

4._kb c i erz_ ...shpWA--eiofu(t .ine h411 ,:he,zuhls_ koh+ ComninaEtztileRIlcAeet kk , K k,she CRePT_ up AND

_pEAkeeil in' ckAck or 4he._ doo2__161h4i. she__ f,4 vi wots Zo

..L)-3 ' 0.:4_112.e..11eP_RJ Stike evauah 14 Wsnt D _*5_4'irkd .11aLfibt.,_ f tic Si 4-fin 4r ihe

_.7.-Able drillkin9 c.,sherW2hijiheg-eyes 4AJD lookeLASAY4Btaattaidi

she. Moue* gAybr if WAS_JCAsi 4 LIVILLDREAM. Bul-,014.? hervay bAck 4o beizAkm, LigitecD the Sau ihe rtitie.pth_c_LIzsiliND -s _

_Liviels_gaK.Shi_WAS_Au ifimas ocipl

&tick 4tD hee R0014 AA)r., Okei

she coats,_WhAia'Our_

'in, 5E6-1=2_ AvDrAt_t_ VIE

Our Ak- Whypoolv.

0 r a ihe thstAncr,Void'


142

i I

;!1

!!.

_OLNAME_fhars_Sti.Adtitlin_c6s yol)illiGi-c__Viivircr2..x-..Y.1A5...i r N 4_

.

- iti:,'' r ....J,11).:71," / --._ 4,0-1., . "N-a. :-' 7, ..- -...._C-.4,..--,.-----::--.

® .4f, _2.1. ...1

_:__,® ; i ;J., ;-:-,

--... :-.. i )..)c.. ''',..)...:,_$-_,._.-2_L....

__04Q4s1.!..Lhop li- c,14. c),44-5._o_uK-Ab.F.:_,5Z_N___E)..a.ifCARE___

CEP() youLIPNC__eliciuGH }lea leR5 JIM in 1.<e..p...\/..av R- HouS E.

tsi.g_kr41_50E--. .tie._1.) Rife ie Ys5 ZN0.....,_Nsg5uRE____.33$tj_12Atifi.e..±1.AME5_af_ALL YouR. DUci55Thdiftgvt_NI.So FAR?

rr-r :..0 *. . ' % (4),

., .2,-.. :,-,.r . i 0

0 .1 01 I

4

en P gAltliuddy_theNotkimAN

11

..___r!, ; it 7II

(. .1;;;,

,/1111

A

_II_!ci4 11\


BEST COPY AVAILABLE

2o.

PL :a7 'A;

hAVE.1 L: it3 I 4:2

orq. rc ft_

RAI...LP _01) 4h

Jhcr cd.1 \,loug ci1Z;.ed

N4 ,rAt thilytiD0 4:Ltrl-L

re _c_ircth_oicl..P.14.1AME.1.___ _ _

!ff. :14'Vet4gy.ity,

4:1*tri It;

owt!Ii. s.

tviiimimaltdr-

QUESTIONS FROM DAD I 3 1


IiiI '

I

,

1!

j

I

1

I

iirikkE_EvEz_diii-coao c.RARAc_1.-.._;Rs Fat; his/ White_You, ,-i ivkamno 1-az__.5AtsAA.._i

11 (i) 2L.A.

,0,c.' -.'-

0 0 f .

Iii 0 ql:I04ME.5JE.o-1 e ia_ :' I YGi rotwaiiini_Lwirgrok-5Akrk

..I4,..II1 n .!!1,,,,

I!

it . 4 AAA

0 2S-4eZtio2_417\ SS.CI 00

C3

_____Lau419ndin

, ich___ARR. wvr thhe2Mid55_509aAN)TA CI kis__OLD _WH I TE_B_EAto,___,5AKTA

I THE RED ZORRO t .

THE FAT cHR13TmA5 DUDE THE BAG MAN f______

ot_

114F cl_AtisMEISTER 2RE CHifYIN.E_Y___Gug CVKR55 KRi NI KIS_ blicsjuRGLAR. V

a , - ii - - . t I , 1, 5...why cla6iihey have,CANtl_kbiaL CI-IAIRS . . -- a

V-7?A.j -4-0-tricitAztiialf

b_.

hAcl + GEC' SOME asaraEsfnakkmiks_whArryou

wcakD__aE_thr.Jf,A.Trlloggat.ETaac.XS,SI4nE5 -AL__.9HtRTu/s101.13.WEARC4Al.--GiROL ORE%

SW.E.AtEIL---STEARS---..eAVIANI CAPE Met.


145

Ilel i hi: .1:116

t=ME4

aam. LWelMr"

/LIMY 1/0 OP

A l

BlINP1.1111111111Waiii4111111

, p :

. is:

O II I111 a 11

AL.6. Ali

-i °AO , A A, ,

k . a 1 . a. : 1 t t . a ,

. . : 4. /111.111..- . . Y. . H' ix.J..f,.

'I.-% k

P

II J

I MEM/

Pi I I 6. I

Ali. \ lb\.

III.

1

lil

5n9!!Dektd iii Gi-inci_ocCHRISIMAs PAST:II

.i

.......--.,_

..i

1.

st 11-101k) 81d the thRe.e. kilic.,s -Gm!) The_ bAby as us? 1 \NZAt:Li-.,6:4144-to Sibt.c. CARAsTmAs ? Ms,' Cli c \. 'D_C.,\1,11 ,(iii ,Tei DREAMING of A CLUE CHRISTMAS -rluE FALSS \-1

. i .

thRES ihIALSiblE +hiar.s you Plif.EIT wAis3T_Voia_ x-MASel h)AME

I 0 CA-- n'l 1 el 1 --i-Te_e--

0 )/- s41 L. LifiG,Stth -

aNaaciiisd. . . . . ..i

or,1 y=t6A5 MbarliNG ? Cok it.4 mpel COO 017 A _Seel=pytiha+ d,8 cliwoSAuRs v_sE FrukX-141As fIZEe5t TM&O' InlhA-F Po ASTRONAuT5 Get FOR x-VIAS

(D MISTLEThg

1 OD Pr AC F rirg EgRfH--1 OA GREAT ViE o-f the kInemt at

o r. : I. I , fr. _, ,,,j/


147

. 1ovl

-e_c&wfh\e_ULE.TADE._

_

cLA.u.2e.t th_IP1 ovr_. vr

1

. ,

. t .. I

I rt.EtrAtlitsSrocKNG.

ARouND_____X-MAS TRCE

I

ITHEFLEA cats.triA5_PARApE

...._

14143- L D _RAT u..11Ge:.±_- 'I_R r_.:1_Q;;_fr1( 45 ..? t:i.Ccu. _RAI_

__leg _Whil taii.S.Ahc.-MAZIER_MLLICtanirl ilitt_lt-silLekinCutl_ CLAW tilit..1t.th1 _ ___

Xfig.A.s_TRF.S.53

F

©Z-UL I d MiltaGLES.

.Do_yctu_ iiriES__EI-Jia_iS_Siill Au v LflkJj _A T 114E N01.11,1_13.11.0 f

IiAmE _thReg___+.11in.$101.0doulp__RENERMANT.JS.S..

:f

® -


1 d 8 BEST COPY AVAILABLE

ili

0

__ ___Ef.

___cd-ARt.smits_,._atils.a2r4e.e.o_l___THANEs_anziELG,aile....4.±hoi,Tvii),

MAE._41:1Ree_k±lits_aoriG.5_ \isausz_DAD_RatE..._

0___C-Ic..4:ina..., 10(i_r___

L_C)

TELL Mcm_w.C._wo_w_p__51 a iii_e_clily_ALGar 1

AAID_ eAsi:EaAsia.E. LF_LL_oh.) ME. SAME ?AY.u %.

: lev" 4-"i''` a CEIRLSoweeNLMLANII5EAS_TgR DAY

WE Would ....1.11.itilaiti3.:111+11.e.MorAtnia

11`)V.:.L._. e.2._:-....:_r_10.2.e,1_-) 4:_;Ae:;:-,C4,0/____df-rte Ide,.r4,1

011,1:L.): .1..) Ft-41.,--, 54 u-K -1-b,c-k 6( \sli---C± r 6 4.-1%.0 ,r,_--,

e\

i

C) WHPRE DI240.03Ale_ihni PiNfiEe? Maarh..,

CI al:1ATJ204QuitsmeA4pv----.. ., P. r . WI A. 6

WARE you excited ?el- 0 t I' KiNPA

OICHScK ITErtilatLY168134011NLANIT ork X-MAS .

0 5 00 k s =,..,._ 6 TewE.L.PIi

I - g . A. 0 LIQUID PLUMBE_R AD__,

I (DRIZZLES 0 0 A. rA. 0 , :.REWiNGTO_BAC.C_C

Cl_GI TO 5 aBouss2Amsf2Id -4A..

ALBA]. A; Ra WiG_0


14 j BEST COPY MAILABLE

I

I

:

1

1

I

11:

1.12gAUYOU A 'JD \II.MG.A__..1._14A _ _____

446 ClELERIaOlili..E.NIT_EIAgKai.9.51E.R.__Oki_ek_RTY...,_

.

i'l. ,

tF-,ii..1

--------7ff-- --1---- --'..,- f . ..;ji,......

,s, :,..q.

,, .

-,

_

. ,

.__.

.

---411 \- ;_ - ,

I/.

6 1 s +he re..Alleahe_g_to3 e. CI u2...TRAPI NG CAgf2S___\ICLUAktu Lt.

SET of 1. //1,4-242:1- .;_._.7_4;,_,

0 LIST ill e. Mk nss you CnotecT. .;',.yeq ' ' '7 ":" 7 ..:f.

77. i' ;....4.7e, r Roe:: / ---0 ...1.744.'. :- , i:

pc., '' ,)

e,,,,...t-5,

).t.Mirm

_whAt COULD I din fo_ keep FRoM B , r t U Call-& hat. rop,_ x-mA5 ? .1-- a.. ... % i t_ . .

___igt:li ILigsylEf/ ON.E.R.____1:611,4 ays ;Alou 1,4 c wi Aul./ca.thuAck _I/ No tlAybE. Stlakithial 5.1408,4staayr

is 14Av.E_riLe1t eg-1:1LJ1.1,fA,5.Nakkevi1.1 .?


BEST COPY AVAILABLE 1 Zi 0

_ .fit

_

-el.,kf

33

_l_f_lAyb_t__

PAve,..qou__e\ag,....A<ie. )c-_MAs cc;o_icie.s

17_ A> f4as.)_e9.e...R_YIA_ctc. _5.; sit )..c_E. C-Rek m :.. :-'. c.r ..... Ct.( 1DOE ..S_Li...51. Idie..1.:e,_ Es.).Nts9.1RG_ .0QT _.41-i-_ _\ :Mi-,s_..Q1.).asiLots.,s_if_Nc__

b..A.,.....ttiQuic.1_ k_A_ -:1,..-,.si ,-,k. A7,2:-: A_ Li..-..4 ..,.....1-7:-,R_

51-. 1_5. 5urr_ro.P E-1 ?..e 21 _ .. . _ __.

1,51.Nice......r.O_Caslisi.j±_Corle....co.t_rok x:_f_11kt:_. ...o. vo.L.....th: n.:S... _yo.q MI.9.rit_lie .A_1 i tit e.,___100,8e1,_ \±.531.21h.L5

_. _ .12ohinLoo__Qu_s5TIPNL AEt.c,,Qmpleiele_l i ST aLieu -th4.5....F. L Waiii_ci Ilfae.R.jtj iEj ricaide.g...spia. ITZtoe_o.L.Lx:_epts..,M.oki,m1,________.

D Liv_LRA-rT LE ,SNAK.F.._

0 LAST YEARs_X-PIA5_pReSerda.

0 twenfy GAlloms o_c_Co LF LAW

5 DRAcut.45 Ca5cIN0 A BLAZ_ING ICZE

0b r_c Nr" CV\ c c.1tz _r_D:. .1.-f-

a I- 't. Low.0 La oliti_SAD__TiS B0_0;15_U_N2ER__110.11_17.A111. e/. i!Q 2_ ii-_199 __W001-0 sAy She.sles_mektuAtaD he A.uc.15.5, .171.Ai1ip

the) As als, bu+8icVn+ tizy hARo At- tr..hool ....._.4bets-Goo.d...__ _bv+ le4- he.e.cisit9ii,_ SinewAs_TAdAt. GR_eAT

Sh-ontiAs_pfsfectim everyvv_Ay! eiRed .5A_shell. .cc's_.11-f-e-theiLDAD ShCIUISI Set1D ha.-T-014 Q.-4' f.'.5.,e_ct _____



'e.

.3 )-..I-%

, \

_moth.e 9. ,FATH.E.Q.

rz) 4\4....1 p

t2

/,

G RPM --=r1

- _ELF PLEA.

_a ./,.a...x.)..).._.;,s;1:,,,a.ic,__,...;:s3E__yov?....pr_ez.1_(-...:, 1+1_6 :C.C.le.c_:-,'-...i.,:_eip.

___. _. ____ bi_,;e .?____.(1. -.1.f...yc.f...3,,ih!c_b_v.4.al you .open) -if P-SI .?._d_ .. ________. .

___ _. -r .Sr -iiii_SMALL.. .1 tr.___S.Do ya,_-thaaK:Ike:e......1.-Atoi_c_hArkeih&r....oma_o_f_lhe...preterz_54oug DAD__

--.._ .._.:_5U DS _Pu V.1.1k-l. 22S V'i USD _Li) f) 1-.1 f hi .... '' ,,' 1 ,-,-I

411

iLARL.\101) GLADA1.15.11511S_AILIASI_DORE ? '' __r_i_b_...-___

...(a7i1hAi_r10 4C1U ail ALLOC.ToPU5_fQK X- f4. A5 _L4- _e .4 r( 4,..44" ,

S..W e 9 :..._1-.)01 10 \ioug. eq.e,$ 1 f_s A ptkftc.:1z_lri.c_RLD,...0 ci_ ..- r ^` k . -4-

.._ . __.1.. At.)P_A_BEAuf.t.fu.L.GiRL..__ _ ______ _

83151015 PRe5e0i5,\6111A1 L5REALLY -thetie.51._.htn9 Aboutlz-i1A5?.. - ____. .

_ ... k . . (---1 t--. 3)/4.14 0 L.0 V k 7..LOV E., LO9E ,LbV.E:. ,.1.,OV .71C:I\LE , LOVE ,LOVE. I LOVE,-..

..... LC V. E , Lo_v E.,_Lov._, Loy s'. ,Love_, Lc:as ,.LOVES You.? flPsD


1 5 2 BEST COPY AVAILABLE

100 sagESTIONSFROM DAD 1993

t's hard to be objective, but it seems like thetests are improving with age. "Super Flea" and"The Singing Fish Head" are, for my money, top

notch illustrations. The complete-the-blank-story, "TheBig Green Rat From Outer Space With ChristmasLights On Its Tail," is an undeniable literary milestone.

This test also includes my first, and hopefully, lastattempt at a crossword puzzle, and a somewhat suc-cessful diagram of "A Day In The Life Of My DaughterAt School.'

Dion and I are aspiring to be the Lennon andMcCartney of "Dad Testing."


QUESTION 19 I didn't really know what would happenwhen I asked, "What could squirmeyblobin mean?"My scholarly daughter's learned response was"SQUIRMEYBLOBIN (noun) 1. The act of having anunlawful squirmey blob in your house." I didn't knowthat


1 5 3

QUESTION 24 "Name something your Dad loves thatyou hate." Her answer: "Cigarettes." Ouch' I guess shebusted me there.

QUESTION 25 I was surprised that when I asked her to"name something your dad hates that you love," sheanswered, "Arkansas." I'll have to let her know that theonly thing I hate about Arkansas is the distance it putsbetween us!

QUESTION 30 'At what age do you think you'll be tooold for the Dad's Test?" Her answer: "204, give ortake a year:" After all the time I have invested in theDad's Tests, this one answer alone makes it all worth-while! Perhaps these questionnaires will, in fact, weath-er the teenage years, or even a lifetime.

QUESTION 61 With her answer, my daughter lets meknow that homework is not really necessary for her. I'mnot sure how serious she is, and I suppose that this isan issue to be concerned about. But since Dion consis-tently earns straight "A's," I figure, why rock the boat bypursuing the matter? Something tells me she might besneaking in a tiny bit of homework between videogames.


154

111P.Illra&

kip

I

-1. 1

"'WINN/

4',Litik,

,

L 4 's`7111011

AidLarroos` Agit .,-- ,..--- t ,_

ifi" ji- low.

rvirAs youR +12Ree rAv9R1 re_ 5sG -i-hir)93s you Go+ rog

KQ. o

.-todnuAD,Ake you GLAD 1GIE`f haMe.

CS) WhAT DID he LooK )iXe. v,thet.) he ReTuRk)ED ? kid\ 6

CilWhAT Do you "Think he WAS doine6? n+b--19.0-\11)1)dim:k.c,

NW \jouR ThRe.e_ FAVORIk MediuM ifl ill'? you Go+ FOR.X-PlAS

0 SAALtb0 a)3 --1/3C4A t,1141.1n.

a DID Nioti have. C-us IN Lifile Kock?WhAI WAS the 1"iost NorAeLE Thinyou (114 +here

dakAA4PRAtrio131 AcTER R5IURI3iNG FROM i-ii S Achien4URe.

144 QUESTIONS FROM DADBEST COPY AVAILABLE

156

Pit? you like. my X-MAs \I!DEo ?

43 When ARe. you Sen.:11(1ga ME youR VIOL-0 f'

. e Vihkr wAS youk ravocoitthInb ik) My ,X-MA5 VI De:0 ?"Uk.-mtue-Ak44)

C Novo We.. ex plAi,J,..Tho 'MhAT ARc$11231-VAAALI:)

G Am) i You Won8ek +he_5-iory s 30-cLak

ikohS) ,AI tsai.)

.E)MARK The -ihinv yotiRe prei-fy :.,uReyOu woo MeNeR..

WAnT 1' Do FOR A LIViiJG.

Tow TROCk driven. 13Aoic Robbe....R...

E3A0ke.2.,

. LAw yeR.

A R3 A

N.URS E

Si t4GEg.

chef. vHAiR1)RessER. V

Motisem

Act RE5S

ARTIST

\KIRI ie.R.

MEci-LANK.

PLUMBER. \Z-Cop

Pres eryASTRoot, OT

-1 ASH CoitecToR..

PsNic pi 1c

Dervhst \/'

Dip L.Leave.ANyllisa8 Orr ? sstWviszra0A,DA


157

(g) kii:/..r. \bui.: --',.ce,.,_ r4vok+ T'_:. LMAL-_. .I.41;n25. YOJ GO* FoR. X -111A5i . h

0 Ai,

.,\,\32)1

® j k,k '

-k.,.."-k\.. L,A 31 \SL,

i. .D.k. ---'117) .-.'..:.'j 1"/1/ "," i A y < 7.._ , /.. :-. ---,.. ...., 6....q s1-0 f(Viai(je.R

r

BUD

MOHAvlic

sunk FLEA

CO-COFRi.N

MP. RAT

MOW

I 04641'

41°1iH

CARRIE SINGING FISH HEAD

ttRROOT .1,,NAKE

Cow..v, SQL) i RtA 0 bt Me.A1,1? S

6-Q P

, Ms2kkil N.251"ASL,

.1

1

r5%*

LINK



ON IN+ IS the Seth About youR ()Ai;

(:).WhAf Is 4he..Bes4. n jou carYr ii.korofur

C ) 4 c d 154-he. '1,1cRs-i- +hi n p,fic

0Whal 15 4-he, /1oRs+ -L1 t(iB wo si.)u ?

VQ1ANk,

ME 3orneTh(n yOUK DAD ...o\pes -1-ho..4 you

it

SONI.e.4 t 910u Loie. +ha+ ',:buR. DAD HA-ks.

askklvvv,Vt.6@MAME; Sotile.+1-1! 1304.`q Love . 0.41:0010

;NAME Sowle_4hIria,

O WhAt )5 OuR. 5Avogik, PLACE +0 Go ? atilfraFaNvi

9whA+15 ouR. FAVORAC. PLACE NOT To Go? °4.Q.4,1_ GL

Ic5-to4 AntOA+ whth AGE Do iou \iou)\ be Too OLD F-012-1-he PADS TLTS?

c=)01.i ciA)-(Z1

A4 Vi ALL i0E jroo oLD+o 5LjD +n .M? QCit-+ clx.).)42- (Ns-o..,0\

fRIews A i5o hAv e TADS fhAt live. f 11111 y

AVYth- 4d1)*US 7t0LISkb &UJV 4 -) Ca.,


1.5 9 BEST COPY AVAILABLE

@,) %DS LXcLILetiT CROSS r;oku PuzzLE ... NOT :

41\21?2_013c- *C- 1

0 WIT COI"o Y.M:N w M-1111] 1 151 Pc 0 mar

43 I\ D G1E1 10113.Y

E *ttJ ici_s

11 sr A. LN1

Ilk /PAc) 7N1 E I

cowl.)AcRoss

ATOM/43 SHis REALLY Com fy

Ncrr org8 -io LiHem.is You WERE BORN /*MEREsi THE MARK OF ZoriRoif MAAGLESZo NF LONE bowl LAVES youit A FEMALE BIRD

, At ARMAINUA Hu Ova.t4 A rogrol.SE.SWELL Ki06 lkutP Waco birantnoeukr You Ave. roo Many

_ CAME FROM Octrile. SPAcr.31 5Agy3f THE TR1FORCES C4M only I ndrn# et oult. raariALs3' FuLi. SPEED utiS THE IIESr *Hoag IsfouEy

. BHA. AND * st. Not 14Appy

Wil47 711bUrz Tyi5 Oda HAs No Leesif- slit tiffs Dosraf NEVEM5 Gots Ow-F*11A PIZZA6 SANTA 3411 Pii.S Twit/

rr9 Movis BA by

Nhere it. Poo Me WitARDFOLLow5 may tt.r

MOvliSINDAthIS SA), if HOW,

-asDAP WRites them

1116 aPiDSR. ANDThe/1 A Goo* Mica x4 M4mc11 CHINA _!3 7163113rCoolioEuompiAtA- _

t 5 Atop t SAylhis %limo at swonl`s Malmoto Hat s NAM* Get 10 AnollAt WoilL0

St A BUG TWAT C014(37b youltAtmer. _

33 YouRNeat She...af +his Puzzet.0 740 MisorSAy DOS When you With Jokt

Oep'S, le4 these aid- SO You GOP Toby WEARS 641se 514r SENT Wu ACOMAAao 111441 Yank Fism Do7 3NORf rOkOKLANO#44a WHERE ND lvas


BEST COPY AVAILABLE1 uzli

pieci gui you

AccAJE" Ar Yot..)g. ralK

1e/4

Wed; //- wotdd cde

GIC

P scAryA6Gk7oF 71-te LIVInG DEAD

Pakry -n/wE

g you hod Plenry aFPioney 5t1I- you weRe Jeff Cornplei-ely

4 r -the DiSivey,0174 foe A l'Jeek i f Would be

OK

eQ .411 Hle ScAryV rwlLLi(4r ZOAIE

0 PA Riy 7 IIE0 If you hod Plerdy of RAID But you vvete. lilr Comple.fely 4I'oruE.-

r the j304-inti 2,4ficCA4 v.114-h-thousAncis 514cic

idovl 59icie.rs roR A Week would be

Inieres+i n c6A tA4

AHH1414444

PARi-y -TIME

Itihtti- s +he., scAries-t- Alinb you CAM-rh! 'IC of ?

I. Could t tA A me?

.CL./Y6


161

__e_&.you.ReAD NewspA peR ?

OALevele,0 Vir

gikgy cl Ay _

FAvoiaii-e MAGAZitJg? tntitsft.

0_0Ax_feozeALDitck CAufwa .Youk_whole Py. rhEl\Z_Fitak-CDP4ashovid. slick /0 sol7wieiiins, Altio_E:W2 Cifosstdoid_Rizi.ES.

_

....8.Yo_u 1J n fin _c.imivge_yaukilA me. io_ 'Dols hke C he I s.e4

_____

...67syy_IvAt..di _chAN e his hAiRia look hke chelse.4. cly*/).

[ALM.lqAniSia

_._15?ve C-ALsr.

hee_hivekka_likE_Sod5s,,_"


le 2BEST COPY AVAILABLE

e;Po c.1 Nov./ /v1JCii GOui- Ccd,:t

01,1./ 0U i..1) YOU ; e. A,

ouncey boH-1

le.miDER....

13 W/21.1- )5

,41Pe S.'k;,../ ;17 A.

\t\Aci:;\.L._

,i.../vED 1.,0144-1 hi5 :sioc, P)AN-r:I.)

AD h:s CRoSSeye6

its-louse WAS Abour c:;Z_C ) PlurEz ,r:it the17-Owt.) or

AITER_. ,INISpiliqG A PLATz.'r. OF 020()

1AVD k P 1\0_30 A'io A h-tfie_

,DeSSER7; k4PC`4Z._ WAs Pistukbed -13AkkiNG ,41".;orile..-t1-1;n Our -i-Ile WilvDcp,,

'EVeiki Noise up F-Roavl A NAp

Aop sfAR.-fed to tAAKe. A 47.104-Nj Zounci ifi8 MEow

1-IS GU-I-SIDE +0 See. \\IhAt v44.s ihe_.

MATTER.. 14ot.Nr 'Hes Cout..6),J7 BLue4e

whAi. he SAW . HERE 11\1 the sky Z-u.sT Above hifft

1wA5 A HUGE \-d Wt4h ./t On( AND

__zaina\L

LIGHrs AND A 5+RAt,iGr

AKIO WeRg. So 4,0 Qja,cf3Ack Nro -the Aftg.:e. Akio H/D

Suciclen/y Appe4R. ed #74-rthe


1 63 BEST COPY AVAILABLE

-11he_

-he oz_o er)}2777eiJ

t,JA.; ,1SaIYY\ RIGHT INTO

Tee in his YARD. AAJD

!Ae,Qe was A GIAko- Q-KRkSsi Oh

.51701<e- AND FLAMES .

40D

1-/ou .4A)t) Az.4.,AeakC,gh bum 'he !I/L=4TO See J.-FAxiyfbasi WAS leir. SURe. ewous4.,TherePr WAS, A ReAL A8)0' fhe Size oc4

--64ty-V-1,24/.)-i-heiRovviu YARD They Were

So ..1\t-ci;VQL /lead mg et la. . Thn .

thl,A11/be pzopfe Fkokt HE TOWN op abY

C44E ..LASAZ4-- SITE As 4 RESULT'

BECAME So Anio rAMous*445 Able -0 ivy 4 N/Ce. Tupee. FOR,

,A1JD 6/4sSes MR_ SiAkt7-Rui...v 4 \All L/vED ILA

LOWLY Our of THE

If WAS

esperieNce.8ur Theyvee.

--) WWI. COULD BE A 0ApIE FoR... fhi5 sioay?41.(2

r\r)

COULD KrYtti°' OW 0 . Asteu--Ouesr /Qt..) WAS I-lARD EAsy fihk)roz-ruzr


1C4 BEST COPY AVAILABLE

OUR. togy(OuesTiov 0) BtcAME A Boor, ciRAvsl what,-trie Covet Would 1 cols !Ike.

$ HAve, \jou eve.R. plArA A \11 DEO GAME CALLED UouRMEY lo

1, Stuus ? T1,a--i

pli;iov., FAR. PANE. 40U Sof VII i-k zeL9A ? 4- .atit,I

0 %I


165

)1:).:)Ge.f";tJ

Ple 41-?/.7

mA4-ioz ? abrik)ScHEDULE AT Sch;Got 1.5 LIkE ?

Z;00 NM r;;.. 1;00 Afii_

Woo Ifq ri ;I:vo z.

_i_i,1i WOO 141'' /2:oo P/et

CO+.E., 96 Too

9,7.0 /0'00so1: 1C);00-1 I

(( R-:061C,C7 cc

'es 3)S-

0 Por A 5f ) Z. by Youfe. rAvoefie ,Subjecis

co, Pur A X A CrEft. Suizecilyou dorit like

ABour- Muck 4c*ewore.IS Po you usually hAve. on

icasc.moo:. A4 GPI rz r Aku RouR.--Hueo AND Z

Veveit Do Ay .L.1110,eir

g LA,/ Ducks 5u vive. with A../0 WATER/ft) ZW" IN ?fue


1.66BEST COPY AVAILABLE

comoi..cre. THE DRAWING:

0 Pio you Notice MA+ TheRe.were two Qoesfioklskylbeg. IQ NoW h Af cloEs +his MeAt3?

MIS Que.54100 Should be. 0This -revr shou14 be. Culled to QuesTious %et DAD VPAD CAUi. C000-r1O 10o 1.7PAD ReAlly Likes The NumbeR. 5Z

PAD i5 LOSING his MIND VALL OF THE &804E 1`.

1401.$ MANY \JDEO GAMES Do you hAg ? it1/4)102Vi6 5 ..aEttklrLCL.4

HOW MAW? pi st4s? MoviEs Do you have ? 4/'



WhAf DOES YouK Room look II

0 NEAT AIJO ClEANNOT Too BAD

© DISASTER. AREA

0 5, you I shouldAQ GROW A MUSTACHE

0 GRoW A BF.ARD

05fAy The SAME

Which Three. Quesiloo 10.thisies-r did You ?

a Ey e 11e, rf C. ircf 5 kk.Dor40 Check Which -ihin8s you do prel1y ReEtulARly to help

. YouR.. Mom AR ound The house.

i&WA51-1 DiSHeS

®VAcuum

.0SET RAT TRAPS .

0) cookarAke OUT 1.-RASH

Q BRING INS TRASH

©FEED PitseCi4oP Gl3wWrREEs

Fort FiRcwood

DusT

OCHANGE FLAT 'TIRES

Do LAu ts; DR1

©Pick Carrot.)OSLoP THE Hogs

0 Setlifir0 M AkE BEDS0 LAI it., BED \-"--

)CReAle. EXOT lc FLowER,.

ARRANGE mans


BEST COPY AVAILABLE

WhAT AMit4AL 1S hARD fo DRAw ? )1),1,1010..in

tikWhAf AkimAL IS EASy fo DR.Ar4 i\vthiig.

_fas DRAW to ANimAt..you Mink you do inv..

t4inozi.Ov

1,5


1 a 9 BEST COPY AVAILABLE

EP; Who 5+he.ut CARTooKi ChAfAciteP...?

8:Do you hAve Any R.Ams FoR the 4+40f CHRt5oWeemTHANKSEASTER.

PAy?

:! vv..dAME A5 gsieRy yeAR,

C5AvED LAST \IEARs eqq5 FR ut.IdeR..1"-Ree.

°NOT buyloG Fo2E.vioRK5 FoR the fuRke.y This \ICAR.

CITRYiNG NEW S+*ufftt4G FoR.The PumPKIN

C)*%- estss.,y),kam 446:9\5.5

compLe-re ¶4 SQUIGGLE

M..SIGN YOUR AUTOGRAPH

.Y4Z3

0: Do you Woulcl eve.12- WANT To Tait.), +he. AiktAy

Bo./ SCOUTSNAvY FoRce

`rts0


110

(3, DRA'J i-ne. co-Co- 5.-rE IN MON ;...

aiCHECK T>aINGS You PLA10 -ro Do THIS sSUIIMER

Go 51t4mmING

bGe..+TAToo Of SNAKE ON youR FOReHEAD

DAD

OGo fo DiSNIelAND

i05+utly HeADi-luNiukIG

OMAke.. ARMADILLO CLoTHes

I °TAM Peisif@Ge.+ \loop_ Nose. PieRce.D

CtiDo you think peRhaps you MIGHT look Nice with youtz

he shaveci AS weLL ? (...k) L(V4 (Y142. ,

DRAW You wifh heAc ShAVED AND sill)sh TAToo AmD Sose.rl4G:


1. 71BEST COPY AVAILABLE

FO`

Tour c:1 rt trAGic. LALITERQ AMP A GENIE APPEARED

You ONA..e THREE V\ilswes,Whk.+ viouLD

C k,,yN

t

(J,-;

,f336 i'.; bs Good Ne.1.1406rwis

NATiomAL KINTeq90 DAY 1-7MANGLS5 DA1

0-rolieT CLEANING DAy

0 HaT DoG Day

asLuG DAY

sOt wheo TeroiNATo R ComEs to youRclooR. you shovir1

o5Ceg HIM COMPuTeR CHIPS AND Dtp

°Kick him IQ +h e. %buil-CDRwicYOuR MA1.81C. FORMULA escAuse you Suse. +here.

MAy De..-Tkouble.

awnAt 15 \IOOR FAVORtfe. 5cAcy MOVIE? ~&itrArite \ou +N AN C.tu35 AT School.? \SI. tS31.1310\A

CD DO \ IOU l'h!r).K paopi VIAL everk Shop hAvi NG WARS? Mbi- ktuatt

C),MA'IDE '7",e/ Could hAve. SIG Picmics IWieAD ZiAtsey.1 le:Je.. this -rest IS AIMOST OVER ? YCS No

No :_otIGER CAPABLE OF THINKING


BEST rcIDY 4VA1LABLE

Po you have All New Pho 4z5 to SEJD ME ?

Shou1.:1 L lei MOW TEACH Co -co +o Type. ? listAxtuv-rz ik.strAcl\zir

pit) you 54/ A PRANIeR. FOR ANNIE

DID you Say A PRAyeR FoR. Tow To COME Nome?

Pio you Ski A PRANfeRFoR Thisies+ to cinalty END

Do You I-IAve ANy New ducks this Week? 4\0 dz_cpp

What WORA RA5 Three. le+Vers Is 5peltifie Ame rORWARD

OR iNICkWARD AND is A person who Love,t-oqe,LovEs you

ORAW the oun.iNe of YOUR Led W):


1 '7 3

1.

BEST COPY AVAILABLE

DAD AND DIONNE'SART GALLERY


114

"Old Friends,"

by Dwight

"Duck in Sunday Best,"

by Dionne

"Dinos Dining,"

by DionneOr 1:A' 110P


1 7 5

A "He's Not From My Side of the Family,"

by Dwight

"Super Toby and Bat Bud,"

by Dionne


176

"Stone Face," by Dwight

Ylo

os

"Mickey Mouse,"

by Dionne

166 QUESTIONS FROM DAD4 ... .4-

1 i

AN OPEN LETTERTO OTHER DADS

Dear Dads,

I hope that you have as much fun and success with yourDad's Test as I have.

As I near completion of this book, I am pleased to reportthat things are going well for Dion and me today. Dion ishappy living with her mom in Arkansas, and I like the idea ofher growing up where concrete obstacles don't block herview of the sky. As for me, I think that the old man upstairshas taken more than good care! Dion and I see each other asmuch as possible; we yak on the phone and exchange someletters. But the "Dad's Tests" are still our most "dad-daugh-terly" means of conversation.

I'm sure that, during the course of receiving the complet-ed tests from your child, you will find answers and artworkthat are sometimes profound, heartwarming or hilarious.

I would greatly appreciate your sending me copies ofsome of your favorite tests, answers or artworkespeciallythose which defy description!

I would also be very interested in your comments, tips orany new techniques that you have found to be successful.Please feel free to write me in care of my publisher.

I am eagerly looking forward to your correspondences!

Sincerely,

DWIGHT TWILLEY

QUESTIONS F4ONV DAD 167

1 i 8

44The Dad's Tests

are still the most

dad-daughterly

means of

conversation.

,9

FRIENDS ANDSYMPATHETIC EARSContact these organizations for information or complete lists of state and localchapters and affiliates. Many organizations distribute monthly or quarterlynewsletters containing a great deal of useful information. Computer users withmoderns can access information directly from the National Congress of Men andChildren's Bulletin Board (BBS) (602) 840-4752 or (913) 432-1163.

CHILDREN'S RIGHTS COUNCIL

220 "I" Street, NE #230

Washington, D.C. 20002-4362

(202) 547-6227

AMERICAN ASSOCIATION FOR MARRIAGE AND

FAMILY THERAPY

1100 Seventeenth Street, NE 10th Floor

Washington D.C. 20036

(202) 452-0109

NATIONAL CONGRESS OF MEN AND CHILDREN

2020 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW #277

Washington, D.C. 20006

(800) 773-DADS

ACADEMY OF FAMILY MEDIATORS

1500 South Highway 100, #355

Golden Valley, MN 55416

(612) 525-8670

FATHERS FOR EQUAL RIGHTS, INC.

3623 Douglas Avenue

Des Moines, IA 50310-5345

(515) 277-8789

CHILD WELFARE LEAGUE OF AMERICA

440 First Street, NW #310

Washington, D.C. 20001-2085

(202) 638-2952

MOTHERS WITHOUT CUSTODY

P.O. Box 27418

Houston, TX 77227-7418

(800) 457-MWOC

COALITION FOR AMERICA'S CHILDREN

1634 "I" Street, NW 12th Floor

Washington, D.C. 20006

(202) 638-5770


1 7 9

NATIONAL COALITION OF F: EE MoN

P.O. Box 129

Manhasset, NY 11030

(516) 482-6378

FAMILY RESOURCECOALITION

200 South Michigan Avenue, #1520

Chicago, IL 60604

(312) 341-0900

NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF STATE VOCAL

ORGANIZATIONS

P.O. Box 621314

Orangevale, CA 95662-1314

(800) 745-8778

NATIONAL INSTITUTE FOR RESPONSIBLE

FATHERHOOD AND FAMILY DEVELOPMENT

8555 Hough Avenue

Cleveland, OH 44106

(216) 791-1468

STEPFAMILY ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA

215 Centennial Mall South, #212

Lincoln, NE 68508

(402) 477-7837

GRANDPARENTS UNITED FOR CHILDREN'S RIGHTS

137 Larkin Street

Madison, WI 53705

(608) 238-8751

PARENTS WITHOUT PARTNER::, INTERNATIONAL

401 North Michigan Avenue

Chicago, IL 60611-4267

(312) 644-6610


1 C 0

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

1

D Wight Twilley is a writer and rock music artist of international repute.Best known for his hits "I'm on Fire" and "Girls," he has releasednumerous albums on the Shelter, Arista, EMI and DCC record labels.

A native of Tulsa, Oklahoma, Dwight began painting and writingpoetry at a young age. His musical career began at age fifteen, when he found hisbrother's abandoned guitar in a closet: Dwight was enthralled to find that hiswords and images could take on new meaning by being fused with melodies.

In 1974, Dwight met drummer and singer Phil Seymour, and together theyformed the Dwight Twilley Band. After being signed by Shelter Records, the firstsong they recorded, "I'm On Fire," was an instant smash. The band's debut album,Sincerely, was named "Debut Album of the Year" by Rolling Stone magazine.

During the eighties, Dwight and his band toured the world with JeffersonStarship, The Edgar Winter Group, and Greg Kihn. He performed at the 1984summer Olympics and played for the troops of Desert Storm on the aircraft carri-er USS Ranger in 1991. He has been a presenter at the American Music Awards,and had his own hour-long special on MTV. His music has been featured in suchfilms as Heavenly Bodies, Up the Academy, Just One of the Guys, WorthWinning, Ladybugs, and Wayne's World.

Dwight has never lost his interest in the visual arts, and in 1982 his origi-nal works were exhibited in a one-man show at the Museum of Rock Art in LosAngeles. His artistic and literary endeavors have come full circle in the question-naires he creates for his daughter Dionne. Through them, Dwight reveals tne fullrange of his powers of self-expression.


181

"Questions from Dad is truly outstanding. Dwight's method is a very effective way todevelopbetter relationships between children and their parents . . . The drawings are terrific!"

David L. Levy, Esq., National PresidentChildren's Rights Council, Washington, D.C.

"Whether the separation be due to a break in the family unit, traveling for business, being inthe armed forces, or in prison, Questions from Dads shows absent parents how they can stayin touch with their children." Michael Bowers, MA., Executive Director

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, Wasington, D.C.

"Parents who see their children daily could learn a lot about parenting through this book aswell!" Travis Ballard, Esq., President

National Congress for Men and Children, Washington, D.C.

"Questions from Dad can help turn shallow conversations and awkward silences into produc-tive discussions between parents and children." Dick Woods. Director

Fathers For Equal Rights, Inc., Des Moines, Iowa

"An innovative approach to encouraging a long distance parent-child relationship."Jennifer Isham, National President

Mothers Without Custody, Houston, Texas

"Questions from Dad is a metaphor for love from dad."Warren Farrell, Ph.D., Author

The Myth of Male Power and Why Men Are The Way They Are

"This book helps break the emotional stereotype that men don't talk."Bill Harrington, National Director and President

American Fathers Coalition, Tacoma, Washington

"Perhaps the greatest endorsement comes from my six year old daughter, who often climbs upin my lap and asks me to read Mr. Twilley's questionnaires to her."

Charles A. Ballard, Founder/PresidentNational Institute for Responsible Fatherhood & Family Development, Cleveland, Ohio

As one of the millions of long-distance dads in this country, Dwight Twilley successfully found

a way to establish a more meaningful relationship with his only daughter and bridge the gapbetween them. Remembering a fun "test" given to him by a second grade teacher, he began tocompose a test of personal questions for his daughter. Within days after sending it, it wasreturned completed with the comment, "Send More!" Twilley now shares indetail his ingeniousnew method that may forever change the way that parents, grandparents, aunts, unclesor any-onewill communicate with kids.

Dr. Susan Forward is an internationally renowned psychotherapist whose best-selling titlesinclude Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much To Let Go, Men Who Hate Women & theWomen Who Love Them, and Betrayal of Innocence: Incest & Its Devastation. She is themother of two children and maintains a practice in California.

$16.95

CHARLES E. TUTTLE COMPANY, INC.

BOSTON RUTLAND, VERMONT TOKYO

Cover design and photography by Jill Winitzer

iS2

11111 1 I 111119 710104 119141

ISBN 0-8048-1984-x

document resume ed 374 892 ps 022 664 author twilley ... · document resume. ps 022 664. twilley,...

Documents