document resume ed 359 101 title institution report … · 2014. 5. 5. · document resume. ed 359...

DOCUMENT RESUME

ED 359 101 SO 022 843

TITLE Samples of Students' Writing from the June 1991Social Studies 30 Diploma Examination.

INSTITUTION Alberta Dept. of Education, Edmonton. StudentEvaluation and Records Branch.

REPORT NO ISBN-0-7732-0754-6PUB DATE 92NOTE 94p.; Contains many pages of handwritten text.PUB TYPE Tests/Evaluation Instruments (160)

EDRS PRICE MF01/PC04 Plus Postage.DESCRIPTORS Achievement Tests; Foreign Countries; High Schools;

High School Students; *National Competency Tests;Social Studies; Writing (Composition); WritingAbility; *Writing Achievement; *Writing Evaluation;*Writing Strategies; Writing Tests

IDENTIFIERS *Alberta Grade Twelve Diploma Examinations

ABSTRACT

This booklet, which concerns student writing on asocial studies examination given to Alberta (Canada) students,addresses two major purposes. First, the booklet illustrates andcompares two important levels of expectations, or standards, thathave been set for student writing on this examination: satisfactoryand excellent. Second, it provides suggestions in the hole that theywill help students to move beyond satisfactory writing. Sample papersare included in this booklet, with accompanying commentaries, toillustrate approaches taken by students who have produced writing ateach of the two levels. These approaches are compared, andsuggestions to improve student writing strategies for the examinationare provided. Each sample of students' writing in this booklet isreproduced as it appeared to the markers; that is, in the student'sown handwriting. (DB)

***********************************************************************Reproductions supplied by EDRS are the best that can be made

from the original document.***********************************************************************

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US. DEPARTMENT Of EDUCATIONOffico of Educaloonat Research am; ImprovementEDUCATIONAL RESOURCES INFORMATION

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"PERMISSION TO REPRODUCE THISM RIAL HAS BEEN GRANTED BY

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from the

June 1991Social Studies 30

Diploma Examination

BEST COPY AVAILABLE

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Samples of Students' Writingfrom the

Social Studies 30 Diploma ExaminationJune 1991

Alberta EducationStudent Evaluation Branch

Alberta Education Cataloguing in Publication Data

Alberta. Alberta Education. Student Evaluation.Samples of students' writing from the June 1991social studies 30 diploma examination.

ISBN 0-7732-0754-6

1. Social sciencesAlbertaExaminations.2. Educational test and measurementsAlberta. I. Title

H70.A333 1992 300.7

Distribution: Superintendents of schools School Principals and TeachersThe Alberta Teachez a' Association Alberta School Boards Association AlbertaEducation

Copyright 1992, the Crown in Right of Alberta, as represented by the Minister ofEducation, Student Evaluation Branch, 11160 Jasper Avenue, Edmonton, Alberta,T5K 0L2. All rights reserved. Additional copies may be purchased from the Learn-ing Resources Distributing Centre.

4

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CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Section One: IntroductionPurposes 1

Contents 1

Confirming Standards 2

Marking Process 2

Cautions 3

Section Two: Samples of Students' Writing at the Satisfactory (3) levelGeneral Comments 5

Student Sample Paper One (Topic A) 6Student Sample Paper Two (Topic A) 10Student Sample Paper Three (Topic A) 16Student Sample Paper Four (Topic B) 20Student Sample Paper Five (Topic B) 24Summary of Characteristics Common toStudents' Writing at the Satisfactory (3) Level 28

Section Three: Samples of Students' Writing at the Excellent (5) LevelGeneral Comments 31Student Sample Paper Six (Topic A) 32Student Sample Paper Seven (Topic A) 40Student Sample Paper Eight ( Topic B) 48Student Sample Paper Nine (Topic B) 54Student Sample Paper Ten (Topic B) 62Summary of Characteristics Common toStudents' Writing at the Excellent (5) Level 68

Section Four: Summary and ConclusionsDifferentiating Satisfactory and Excellent Students' Writing 71Moving Students Leyond Satisfactory Writing 74

Appendix A: Social Studies 30 Written-ResponseAssignment, June 1991 79

Appendix B: Social Studies 30 Written-ResponseScoring Guide, June 1991 83

- iii - 5

Publication of this document would not have been possible without the kind permis-sion of the students whose writing is presented. The cooperation of these studentshas allowed us to continue the process of defining standards of writing performanceexpected in connection with diploma examinations and of observing the patterns ofapproach taken by students in their writing.

This document includes the valuable contributions of many educators. Sincerethanks and appreciation are extended to the following:

Production of the first and second drafts:

Malcolm Walker Calgary School District #19

Standards Confirmers:

Tim CoatesKaren PeddlePeter SandsKay SavilleRosemary SmithMalcolm WalkerRoy Wright

Group Leaders:

Deborah AndersonDiane Blake lockTim CoatesAnn DunsmoreChristine EberhardtFrancois FortinBruce GillespieMartin GrahamBob HuffGrant JensenIrene KeoghVictor LehmanLarry LemieuxMaxine NewboldLeo NormandeauKaren PeddleDan RaitzGeorge RichardsonTerry RileyTeresa SaleyPeter SandsKay Saville

Devon School District #4972County of Parkland #31Edmonton School District #7High Prairie School Division #8County of Baarrhead #11Calgary School District #19Edmonton School District #7

Rocky View School Division #41Calgary School District #19Devon School District #4972Calgary RCSS District #1Calgary School District #19Calgary School District #19Calgary RCSS District #1Edmonton RCSS District #7County of Lacombe #14Brooks School District #2092Concordia CollegeCounty of Parkland #31Foothills School Division #38Edmonton School District #7Edmonton ROSS District #7County of Parkland #31Whitecourt School District #2736County of Strathcona #20Medicine Hat School District #76Edmonton School District #7Edmonton School District #7High Prairie School Division #8

-v-

6

Doug SchrammRosemary SmithDon ThompsonMalcolm WalkerRoy WrightBlaise YoungNorman Zweifel

Calgary School District #19County of Barrhead *1Willow Creek School Division #28Calgary School District #19Edmonton School District #7County of Flagstaff #29Sturgeon School Division #24

Student Evaluation Branch Staff:

Elana Scraba

Tom Dunn

Barry Jonas

Val Doenz

Marilyn Jensen

Rosie Kruhlak

Ray Lopatka

Assistant DirectorHumanities Diploma Examinations Program

Acting Co-ordinatorHumanities Diploma Examinations Program

Examination Manager, Social Studies 30

Test Development SpecialistAchievement Testing Program

Practicum AssociateUniversity of Calgary

Examiner, Social Studies 30

Examiner, Social Studies 30

7

- vi -

SECTION ONEINTRODUCIION

PURPOSES

Two major purposes are addressed in this booklet. First, the booklet illustrates andcompares two important levels of expectations, or standards, that have been set forSocial Studies 30 Diploma Examination writing: Satisfactory (3) and Excellent (5).Secondly, it provides suggestions that the writers hope will help students to movebeyond Satisfactory (3) writing.

Sample papers are included in this booklet, with accompanyingcommentaries, toillustrate approaches taken by the students who have produced writing at each ofthe two levels. These approaches are compared, and suggestions to improve studentwriting strategies for the diploma examination are provided.

CONTENTS

The sample papers are presented by level and topic (see Appendix A), in groups oftwo or three. The first paper in each group is the one that was used as the exemplarpaper for training markers during the June 1991 marking session. The other one ortwo papers in each group were chosen, more or less arbitrarily, from those papersreceiving a majority of three or fives. Each paper is accompanied by specific com-mentaries that discuss the paper in terms of the reporting categories used in mark-ing (see Appendix B).

Section Two presents a selection of papers produced by students achieving the Satis-factory (3) level; Section Three presents papers at the Excellent (5) level. Both ofthese sections also include a general commentary about the level of expectation, orstandard, and r discussion. These general commentaries highlight any commonfeatures that may exist in the papers.

Section Four compares features that emerge at each level. As well, comments aremade about possible patterns of approach that students writing at each level mayhave taken. The approaches that teachers may consider using to aid students inproducing writing that is beyond the satisfactory level are also suggested.

Each sample of students' writing in this booklet has been reproduced as it appearedto the markers; that is, in the student's own handwriting. Because of space limita-tions, students' planning and drafting pages have not been included. However,teachers and other readers should note that research has demonstrated a highcorrelation between planning and successful writing. Consequently, planning forwriting should be carefully considered in instructional strategies.

- 1 -

CONFIRMING STANDARDS

The exemplar papers presented here (the first paper ineach group of two or three)were selected by a group of Social Studies 30 teachers who acted as standardsconfirmers before marking began. Each exemplar paper was chosen to illustrate thelevel of expectation, or standard, described as Satisfactory (3) or Excellent (5) in thescoring guides (see Appendix B).

The exemplar papers were presented to group leaders, teachers specially selected tochair small groups of markers during the marking session. These group leadersconfirmed that the exemplar papers illustrated the standards described at all levelsincluding the Satisfactory (3) and Excellent (5) levels. The exemplar papers werethen used in the series of papers presented to the markers for training purposesduring the marking of the June 1991 diploma examinations.

MARKING PROCESS

Papers are scored on four different dimensions according to five levels of perform-ance. A complete listing of both the dimensions and the descriptors of each level ofperformance appears in Appendix B.

All marking is performed by teachers who are selected on the basis of recommenda-tions made by their superintendents. Selected teachers are required to be teachingthe course during the school year that the examination is administered. They mustalso have taught the course for at least two years.

The first hours of the marking session are spent in an intensive training session thatincludes a review of the scoring descriptors as they relate to the exemplar papersthat are previously selected by the standards confirmers and confirmed bythe groupleaders as being illustrative of the scoring guides.

Neither the students' names nor the names of their schools appear on the examina-tion papers. Markers are advised not to mark a paper if they suspect that theyrecognize its source. They are instructed to disregard the quality of thehandwritingin evaluating the papers and to return a paper unmarked if they think the handwrit-ing could influence their judgments. They are also instructed to avoid marking anypapers whose contents or style call forth any personal biases.

No marks are placed on the examination booklets during the marking process.Scores are recorded on separate score sheets. All papers receive three independentreadings. Provision is made for a fourth reading if the scores awarded by the previ-ous three markers vary to the extent that the student's final grade will be signifi-cantly affected.

92

CAUTIONS

The following cautions regarding this booklet should be kept in mind,especially if itscontents are to be used for instructional purposes:

L The papers selected represent only a small sample of the possibleapproaches to each assignment or topic.Even though two or three papers are presented to illustrate a particular level,Satisfactory (3) or Excellent (5), for each assignment or topic, it must be remem-bered that these are only three selected from hundreds, or even thousands, ofpapers at that particular level. Therefore, any conclusions formed about commonpatterns of approach taken by students at that level must be viewed in thatcontext. However, we do hope that the conclusions we have formed will act,primarily, as catalysts for further consideration by readers of this booklet aboutthe approaches taken and the strategies used by, students when they write.

2. The students' writing in these examples must be considered asfirst-draft writing.Readers should consider each student's accomplishments in the light of theconstraints of the examination situation. Under examination conditions, stu-dents are able to prepare writing that we must consider as first-draft only. Ifstudents were given more time, and access to appropriate resources, we wouldexpect them to produce papers of considerably improved quality, particularlywith respect to editorial features such as diction, punctuation, order, spelling,and paragraphing.

3. Neither the assignments presented in Appendix A nor the scoringguides presented in Appendix B are meant to limit writers to a singleorganizational or rhetorical approach in completing any diplomaexamination assignment.Students are free to select and organize their materials in any manner that theyfeel will best present their ideas. The students' writing in this booklet illustratesjust a few of the many organizational and rhetorical strategies used successfullyby students in June 1991.

4. The sample papers presented in this document must not be wed verba-tim as models for instructional purposes.Because these papers are sample illustrations only and because they are sampleresponses to a set topic, students should be cautioned not to memorize the con-tent of any of the sample papers to use when completing classroom assignmentsor when writing future diploma examinations. It is the argumentativeapproaches taken by those achieving at the Excellent (5) level of performancethat students should consider emulating, not their words or viewpoints.

3-

SECTION TWOSAMPLES OF STUDENTS' WRITING AT THE

21iTISFACTORY (3) LEVEL

GENERAL COMMENTS

Students' writing achieving a Satisfactory (3) level of performance is described aswriting that is academically acceptable for students seeking graduation after 12years of schooling. Consideration of the scoring descriptors will provide a clear focusand specific definition of the quality of writing at this level.

In interpreting the expectations for students' writing that are embedded in theStitisfactory (3) descriptors, it is useful to consider the broad range of tasks that thestudent is required to accomplish. The descriptors delineate the specific dimensionsof the writing assignments and clarify the manner in which and extent to which thestudent must address each requirement to produce work at the Satisfactory (3) level.The descriptors make it clear that the student should demonstrate an adequateawareness and appreciation of the complexity of the assigned issue. As well, thedescriptors specify the level of thinking that the student must demonstrate in orderto achieve an acceptable standard. The scoring descriptors suggest what sort ofinformation should be brought to bear as evidence in addressing the issue and howthis information should be applied. Also clarified by the scoring descriptors are thechoices to be made by the students in organizing and developing their writing inorder to express their position in a clear and satisfactory manner. Overall, thedescriptors set out the basis upon which judgments of student writing produced onthe Social Studies 30 diploma examinaton are made.

The Satisfactory (3) scoring descriptors* are as follows:

DIMENSION SCORING DESCRIPTOR

DEFINITION OF

THE ISSUE

The definition of the issue is straightforward and conventional. An adequate butgeneralized discussion of the complexity inherent in the issue is presented but may notbe fully developed. Description of the principles underlying the various positionsreveals an adequate understanding of the issue.

DEFENCE OF

PCIBrnoN

The defence of position is based on one or more adequate arguments. The ease studiesor examples (evidence) chosen are appropriate. A relationship between the case studiesor examples chosen and the position taken is established. While the arguments aregenerally sound, they may lack in persuasiveness and consistency. The content isordered in such a way that the writer's argument is generally clear and discernible.

PRESENTATION OFRUMPLES OR

CASE STUDIES

The examples or case studies selected are relevant but may contain some minor factualerrors, or there may be a mixture of relevant and extraneous information. The selectedevidence is largely conventional, revealing an adequate understanding of content andits application to the assigned issue.

QUALM' OFLANGUAGE AND

EXPRESSION

The writing is clear. Vocabulary is adequate but more general than specific. Syntax isgenerally straightforward but occasionally awkward. Errors may detract from but donot impede the clarity of communication.

'These descriptors have been slightly modified for 1991-92. See the latest Social Studies 30 Bulletin Update forthe revised descriptors.

- 5 -

In what way do the following five student papers reflect satisfactory students' writ-ing as produced on the Social Studies 30 Diploma Examination in June 1991? What

common understandings about acceptable students' writing can be derived by exam-

ining the extent to which these samples of students' writing realize the intent of thescoring descriptors at the Satisfactory (3) level? How are the expectations of stu-dents' writing embedded in the scoring descriptors evident in this group of papersjudged by teacher-markers to be at the Satisfactory (3) level?

By considering these questions when reviewing students' writing, we should be ableto form conclusions about approaches to writing taken by students achieving at theSatisfactory (3) level. We should also gain an expanded appreciation for the broadrange of writing choices that exist at this acceptable level.

STUDENT SAMPLE PAPER ONE

(Topic A: Satisfactory Level)

General Comments

Topic A Assignment:Should governments provide financialincentives to industries to simulateeconomic growth?

During the confirmation of standards procedure, this essay was chosen as the Satis-factory (3) exemplar for Topic A and was presented to group leaders and markers fortraining purposes.

The student begins this essay by describing the need to adjust theoretical perspec-tives in order to respond to the circumstances of real-world economics. Throughoutthe essay, the student maintains the position that financial aid to business benefitsthe whole economy through increased competitiveness, greater access to foreign anddomestic markets, and job creation. The student attempts to support this positionby referring to the present problem ofagricultural subsidies and the Gainers situa-tion.

Definition of the issue

The student reveals an adequate understanding of the issue by recognizing the needfor governments to adapt and modify the principlesof the model free enterprisesystem. In doing so, the student demonstrates an awareness of important beliefs,principles, and assumptions that are related to the issue through reference to gov-ernment intervention, the role of competition, and incentives. The student alsoestablishes a meaningful context for the issue by relating it to real-world situationswhere the dilemma is evident. The references to agricultural subsidies and Gainersshow that the student has a sense of this issue in real-world terms.

Although a basis for defining the issue is established, the student could have exam-ined further the controversy created by, and the theoretical positions connectedwith, this issue. By exploring the range of choices and the disagreement caused bydifferert perspectives, the student could have better addressed the complexity of theissue. The student could have done this, for example, by expanding on the unsup-ported assertion made in the first paragraph that all governments intervene inindustries to some degree. This statement could have introduced a discussion abouthow various theorists and policymakers disagree on the nature and extent of govern-ment intervention. By examining these varying viewpoints, the student could havedisplayed greater depth and breadth of thinking about the issue.

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Defence of Position

The student presents a generally clear and discernible position throughout the

essay. The student maintains that government incentives to individual businessesbenefit the whole economy. This argument asserts that such government interven-

tion stabilizes the economy, enhances competitiveness and access to markets, andexpands job creation. The student attempts to base this argument on relevant,

contemporary examples (agricultural subsidies and Gainers). The student's argu-ment is generally well organized, and an attempt to form a relationship between theovidence and the position is apparent.

Although the arguments are generallysound, persuasiveness and consistency are

lacking. A more complete and well-considered relationship between the examples

and the position taken would have strengthened this student's argument. Theassertions presented by the student in the last two paragraphs of the essay, forexamplethat if financial incentives are not provided, such revenue could be spent

on welfareare largely unsupported and speculative; they do not necessarily followfrom the evidence of agricultural subsidies or the Gainers situation. A more in-depth analysis and evaluation of the examples could have led to a more sophisticated

line of argument. The student's approach to addressing the complexities inherent inthese examples results in an argument that is adequate rather than proficient.

Presentation of Examples or Case Studies

The student's development ofexamples reveals a general understanding of thecircumstances related to agricultural subsidies and Gainers. While the student'saccount of the role of agricultural subsidies and the bankruptcy of Pocklingtoncontains errors and is somewhat lacking in critical detail, the examples show anadequate understanding of content and its application to the issue. The choice ofthese examples has helped the student to define the issue and to provide the basis

for the position taken.

The student could have been more precise in explaining relevant and accurate de-

tails connected with the examples chosen. The tendency toward overgeneralizingcontent restricts the student's ability to explain the scope of the issue and furtherrestricts the potential arguments that could have been related to the position taken.

Quality of Language and Expression

The student's use of language is adequate in that communication is generally clear;for example, when the writer's position is directly stated: 'As the true marketeconomy does not exist, to stabalize an economy a government must become inter-

ventionist and provide financial incentives to encourage economic growth for thebenefit of the whole country.' The student employs social studies vocabulary appro-priately by using important terms like interventionist, world market, welfare, unem-ployment insurance, competitive, and industry sector.

Complex structures are attempted but are not always controlled. This results inrun-on sentences; some careless use of apostrophes, commas, and agreement; andoccasional sentence errors. For example, this sentence draws attention to the needfor proofreading: "The government could use the money to increase unemploymentinsurance, welfare or even education spending but it is much better to give certainbenefits to the industry sector to help businesses expand and this will create morejobs thus reducing the need for more government spending on welfare because peo-ple would be employed and in education, the parents would have work to be able to

afford to put a child through school."

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STUDENT SAMPLE PAPER TWO


General Comments

In this essay, the student describes two conflicting viewpoints on the issue andcorrectly identifies principles, beliefs, and assumptions underlying each. Through-out, the student maintains the position that governments should attempt to find amiddle ground between these two extremes, providing financial assistance to busi-ness when the need arises but expecting business to operate on its own resources asmuch as possible. The student supports this position by drawing arguments fromthe American New Deal.

Definition the Issue

The student establishes the context of the issue by explaining the principles, beliefs,and assumptions that underlie two opposing viewpoints. The student explains thatthe "interventionalists would favor expanded grants and aid to people and that the'individualists expects people to make it on their own. The discussion of these twoopposing viewpoints establishes the background for the position taken by the writer.The focus on the issue is maintained throughout the essay as the student refers tothese two viewpoints in the discussion of the case study and in the arguments usedto support the position taken.

While the student has stated the issue in an adequate and conventional manner, arather simplistic view is presented. The student tends to ignore the .72...mma andcontroversy related to the issue by simply adopting a middle ground. The studentcould have developed a more sophisticated view by considering the consequences ofthe issue and discussing why the underlying principles, beliefs, and assumptionsrelated to each position are the source of great debate and controversy among vari-ous individuals and groups.

Defence of Position

The student attempts to qualify the position taken, arguing that governmentsshould provide financial assistance when the need arises to stimulate an economy.The student is generally in control of the argument. A clear link between the illus-tration (the New Deal) and the position taken (favoring some government interven-tion) is established in the last paragraph of the essay.

Because of underdevelopment of the examples and the tendency to overgeneralizedetails, the arguments made by the student are narrowed in depth and sophistica-tion even though the evidence is potentially relevant. Misinterpretation of certainaspects of the New Deal, such as its effects, leads the student to form illogical con-clusions about the issue.

Overall, the student's attempt to form a qualified position that strikes a balancebetween the interventionist viewpoint and the individualist viewpoint, and the useof the New Deal to support the position, indicate an adequate defence of position.The student has a good sense of organization, and the essay is quite well unified.The arguments raised are generally sound.

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One potentially relevant illustration has been selected to support the position taken.The student attempts to draw insights from the experience of the Great Depressionand the American New Deal. In a broad sense, the student has an adequate grasp ofthe selected illustration. The student recognizes that the New Deal attempted torespond to the Great Depression by stimulating the economy through governmentintervention. The student displays an awareness that the New Deal remainedcommitted to the individualist tradition. The reader is led to believe that the NewDeal was a pragmatic solution to an economic crisis that required massive interven-tion by government in a capitalist economy. Overall, the student successfully ap-plies this understanding of the New Deal to provide support for the position taken.

At the same time, the student is overly general in the depiction of the NewDeal.For example, the student's suggestion that soaring unemployment was simultaneouswith rampant inflation reveals an incomplete knowledge of the problems created bythe Great Depression. Moreover, the student is rather vague about how the NewDeal assisted business and what the effecs of the New Deal were. The studentstates that the New Deal was taken away, and businesses were able to function ontheir own again. As well, the student seems to be unaware of the relationship be-tween the Second World War and the end of the Great Depression. Such factualerrors and omissions affect the arguments the student is able to derive from consid-eration of the illustration. Overall, the student reveals adequate understanding ofsocial studies content but lacks in-depth comprehension.


The student's meaning is communicated clearly in this paper. Some of the stylisticchoices made are quite effective. For example, the short sentence that begins thestudent's second paragraph, "October 1929 the New York stock market plunged," isemphatic and the word "plunged" helps to create a rather specific image in the mindof the reader. Other words the writer has chosen, such as "devastating," "rampant,""crushed," "ruin," and "crippled," help to reinforce this image of the destructioncaused by the Great Depression.

Choices that the student has made are uneven, however. Certainly, not all of themare effective. Many sentence faults (run-on sentences, comma faults, and fusedsentences) are present. This suggests that the student could have profited by re-reading the paper to determine where sentence terminations should have beenmade. Spelling errors are also present, but some spelling errors and "slips of thepen" are to be expected on first-draft writing. It must be remembered that studentswrite the Social Studies 30 Diploma Examination without benefit of a dictionary or athesaurus. It is better that they use words they know but are uncertain of how tospell, than that they limit their range of expression by choosing only those wordsthey are certain they can spell correctly.

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STUDENT SAMPLE PAPER THREE


General Comments

The student recognizes that the position taken on the assigned issue depends on thebeliefs held by various individuals. The issue is established by an examination ofthe benefits and drawbacks of different forms of economic organization. Throughoutthe essay, the student maintains the position that governments should providefinancial aid to business, arguing that a mixed economy has fewer problems tLan acapitalist economy where no support is given. The stipient argues that financialassistance given to business will result in less unemployment, less crime, fewersocial problems, and that more people would be willing to open a business if finan-cial support were given.

Definition of the Issue

An r;dequate and generally clear understanding of the issue is presented in thisessay. There is an understanding that opposing viewpoints exist, and an attemptismade to explain the beliefs, principles, and assumptions underlying these view-points. The student addresses the issue by weighing the merits of various forms ofeconomic organization, recognizing that different approaches have benefits anddrawbacks. The references to Smith and Keynes are appropriate and illustrate thestudent's general awareness of the importance of the issue.

The student adopts a general rather than a specific focus on the issue. There is atendency to view the assigned issue as a question of which economic system is bestfor society. The principles, beliefs, and assumptions need to be examined further inorder to clarify the dilemma created by the issue. The student appears to have anacceptable understanding of the issue but needs to develop a more focused and in-depth understanding of the dimensions of the issue.

Defence of Position

The student presents a clear and discernible positionthat governments shouldprovide financial help to industriessupported by a comparison of the capitalistsystem with the mixed economy or socialist economy. There is an obvious attempt tolink the position taken with the evidence provided. The studentrecognizes thateach economic system has benefits and drawbacks, and attempts to use this evalua-tion to qualify the position taken. The student further defends the position taken byasserting that financial aid to business in a mixed economy increases employment,reduces crime and other social problems, and encourages individuals who wish tostart a business.

The student provides a mixture of general and specific evidence in an organizedmanner. The references to Keynes andSmith, for example, tend to provide clearsupport for the position. taken. However, some evidence is questionable. For in-stance, assertions about the American, Japanese, and Canadian economies are notentirely accurate or fully developed. While the student's position is linked to rel-evant detail, the evidence given is simplistic and repetitive.

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Overall, the student appears to have an adequate grasp of content and has made anattempt to apply this content to the issue. At times, the mixture of evidence is veryspecific and is accurately related to content, and at other times it is generalized.The student appears to have an acceptable grasp of the ideas of Smith and Keynesand has applied these ideas appropriately. The reference to Sweden, while simplystated, is also relevant to the issue and the position taken.

The description of the theoretical principles of the capitalist system contrasts withconceptual confusion relating to the mixed economy or socialist economy, Thisreveals a degree of uncertainty in clarifying specific details related to essentialcontent. The student also misinterprets the real-world experience of the American,Japanese, and Canadian economies. It is claimed that in Japan and the UnitedStates, no government help is given to industry. Such an interpretation detractsfrom the potential strength of arguments. Much of the student's argument is de-pendent upon the assessment of these economies in practice, and the student's lackof accurate and specific details about these nations significantly weakens the posi-tion taken. Although there are questions about how well the evidence provided inthe essay supports the position taken, the student has adequately applied content tothe issue.


The student's meaning is generally clear and is expressed adequately. A number ofsentences are well structured and are essentially free from error. For example, "TheUnited States and Japan are both very industrialized nations and have prosperedgreatly from this type of system. They are leading in the world market and are twoof the wealthiest nations."

The writing becomes occasionally awkward where the writer commits errors ofusage, grammar, and mechanics. For example, "Although the United States andJapan have done so well without financial help to their industries, there is also somenegatives to the capitalist economy." While these errors detract somewhat from theclarity of the essay, the student's meaning remains comprehensible.

The student may not have completely internalized the vocabulary of the discipline.The colloquial use of "you* and "they" suggest that the student has not differentiatedbetween spoken and written language. An overgeneralized treatmert of terms like"mixed economy" and "mixed socialist economy" reveals that the student is cognizantof social studies concepts but is not completely certain about their correct applica-tion. Still, in other instances, the student appropriately uses social studies vocabu-lary like "laisez-fairehands off" and "stimulate economic growth."

14

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STUDENT SAMPLE PAPER FOUR

(Topic B: Satisfactory Level)

General Comments

Topic B Assignment:Should nations of the world unite to usemilitary action against an aggressor?

During the confirmation of standards procedure, this essay was chosen as the Satis-factory (3) exemplar for Topic B and was presented to group leaders and markers fortraining purposes.

In this essay, the student describes the need to employ measures that avoid conflictand maintain peace, and asserts that the consequences of a major war are total"globular" (global) destruction. Throughout the essay, the student maintains theposition that nations of the world should unite to use military action against anaggressor but only after all diplomatic means have been "exasperated" (exhausted).The student attempts to support this position by referring to the contrasting lessonsof the recent Persian Gulf crisis and the failed attempts to deter Hitler from furtheraggression before the Second World War.


The student attempts to explain the scope of the issue by stating that "avoidingconflict and maintaining peace is the most important issue the world faces." Thestudent exhibits an adequate understanding of Lhe issue by identifying principlesunderlying two viewpoints. The student recognizes the principle of deterrence anddiscusses beliefs held by those who favor collective military action. The student alsoattempts to acknowledge assumptions made b-

jsupporters of diplomatic methods of

achieving national security and mtemational stability and order:

The student's thesis statement, which states that united military action should betaken only after all diplomatic means are exhausted, establishes a meaningful real-world context for the issue. In making this statement, the student recognizes thatthis issue is complex and is not easily resolved. A concluding sentence suggests thatthe issue also involves choices about national sovereignty.

While the student has done much to define the issue, further explanation of thecomplexity of and the controversy related to this issue would have strengthened theessay. The student could have discussed in more detail the principles, beliefs, andassumptions underlying the two viewpoints mentioned. There is a need to explainwhy this question inspires debate and disagreement among various individuals andgroups. The student's straightforward and conventional approach in defining theissue leaves the reader asking for further development of the dilemma posed by therange of choices inherent in the issue.

Defence of Position

The student presents a generally clear and adequate defence of position. The swiftcollective military action against Iraq in the recent Persian Gulf crisis was success-ful in defeating an aggressor, and the effectiveness of this collective action will set aprecedent to deter future nations from carrying out aggressive acts. This line ofargument is developed by the student's assertion that use of economic sanctionsagainst Ir!.,4 was not successful. The student also argues that attempts to containHitler's aggression through diplomatic means were unsuccessful and Britain's policyof appeasement showed the futility of this approach. The student's argument that aunited world force would have served best to st6p Hitler is logical and follows fromthe evidence presented. These arguments are consistent and demonstrate a logicalprogression of reasoning, leading to the concluding argument about the role of theUnited Nations as the world force that will prevent conflicts and preserve peace.

26- 20 -

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The position could have been further strengthened, however. The student assertswithout support that sanctions against Iraq did not work and military action wasnecessary. The student could have explored this assertion and weighed its validity.What evidence exists to suggest that sanctions failed? Why do many argue thatsanctions required more time to be effective? Why do many agree with the assertionmade by the student? It is important that questions like these be fully explored tobalance the discussion of the case studies with the position taken. The student hasclearly established a basis for united militaryaction, but much more focused supportmust be provided to substantiate the qualification that military action should beused as a last resort.

The student could also have drawn acloser link between the thesis statement in thefirst ph and the concluding argument in the final paragraph. The thesis,which states that force should be used as a last resort, is not adequately supportedby the notion in the final paragraph that nations must be prepared to give up someof their sovereignty to preserve peace in the world. The student could have main-tained greater control over the argument in order to fully substantiate the centralthesis of the essay. Attention to paragraph structure and transitional devices couldimprove the flow of the essay.


Two relevant illustrations support the position taken in the essay. The studentdisplays an adequate vInders'anding of content despite a tendency to overgeneralize.The student draws parallels between the examples by explaining how attempts tocontain Hitler's aggression through diplomatic means failed, and then applies thislesson of history to interpret recent events in the Persian Gulf. The student assertsthat Iraq, like Hitler's Germany, seemed to be intent on war, and an internationalmilitary force was the only means of stopping its aggressive acts. The student'sstandard approach provides an adequate interpretation of current events by apply-ing the lessons of the past.

The student could have been more precise in explaining relevant and accurate de-tails of the examples chosen. The tendency to overgeneralize content limits thestudent's explanation of the historical context. This is especially evident in thestudent's assertion that if Hitler had been met with a world force immediately afterhe invaded Poland, he might have been stopped. The student's statement thatsanctions against Iraq failed reveals similar overgeiieralization in interpretingcontent. This critical dimension of the illustration could have been explored further.Some conceptual confusion exists in the student's explanation of the purpose of aunited military force. The reader is left wonderingwhether such a force exists tostop conflict from occurring or to bring conflict to a quick end. This confusion ispresent in the interpretation of both illustrations.

Generally, content has been applied adequately despite the existence of noticeableerrors in detail. The content is generally well understood and is applied appropii-ately in clarifying the issue and providing a basis for arguments in support of theposition taken.


The student's meaning is generally communicated. Syntactic structures are rela-tively simple; for example, "Some nations believe diplomacy is the best means topreserve peace. Britain's policy of appeasement towards Germany in WWII is anexample. The student demonstrates an adequate use of soes1 studies vocabulary,and key terms like "sanctions," "sovereignty,' and "appeasement" are used appropri-ately. Some errors in vocabulary exist: terms like "globular,' "exasperated,' and"as with," may distract some readers. In general, however, the conventions of writ-ing are handled well, but the student attempts to reduce the potential for error bytaking few risks in communicating ideas.

28 - 22

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STUDENT SAMPLE PAPER FIVE

(Topic B: Satisfactory Level)

General Comments

The student describes the consequences of united action in confronting aggressionand defines the issue by relating it to the larger dimension of Cold War relations.The student understands that decisions made about the issue have often led todirect military confrontation or, as the writer states, "hot wars? Throughout theessay, the student maintains the position that nations of the world should unite touse military action against an aggressor. The student believes that nations arejustified in such actions for various reasons: the protection of economic interests andnational interests, the protection of states that are unable to defend themselvesagainst aggression, the defence of an international code.


The student demonstrates understanding that the issue is controversial by suggest-ing that aggressive acts have stirred mixed emotions in other countries that arelinked to the actions of aggressors. The student also establishes a context for theissue by relating it to the setting of ColdWar relations. A firm understanding ofprinciples, beliefs, and assumptions related to one side of the issue is presented; thestudent is well aware of the views of those who favor direct military intervention.Only in the final paragraph is another viewpoint acknowledged, one that recognizesthe policy of appeasement and groups who have protested military conflict. Overall,the student has discussed the issue in an adequate manner, but the complexity ofthe issue is not fully developed.

While the student has adequately defined the issue, there is a need to expand thediscussion of principles, beliefs, and assumptions underlying both sides of the issue.The views of those who favor appeasement and those who protest against militaryinvolvement are dismissed without adequate consideration. The student could havefocused on the dilemma and controversy generated by these opposing viewpoints.

Defence of Position

The student presents a generally clear and discernible position. The defence ofposition is based on a number of arguments. Throughout the essay, the studentsupports the position that nations arejustified in intervening militarily by assertingthat "if it is in your countries best interests . . by all means you are entitled to:joinwith another country to fight an aggressor." The student further supports the posi-tion by suggesting that such action protects economic interests, maintains an inter-national code, and supports those nations that are unable to protect themselves fromaggression. The student supports these arguments with evidence from three exam-ples. In the final paragraph, the studentdescribes how the examples are relatedand how they support the position.

The position taken could have been further strengthened and clarified. The applica-bility of Vietnam to the argument is questionable; this illustration tends to contra-dict the position taken by the student. Closer linkage between the arguments anddetails presented in the examples would have strengthened the essay. Overall, thestudent's argument is generally sound but in need offurther development.

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A sense of unity and coherence could have been developed in the essay by establish-ing greater logical relationships between paragraphs and ideas. More planningmight have resulted in better organization and smoother flow of thoughts.


Three examples are considered in the essay to support the position taken. In thelast paragraph, the student purposefully relates these examples to the positiontaken, but this linkage needs to be extended and developed.

The relationships between the supporting details of the illustrations and the argu-ments raised are not always evident. The inclusion ofVietnam is questionable inthat this illustration and the way it is depicted tends to contradict the positiontaken. The reference to appeasement in the last paragraph, while relevant, appearsto be an afterthought; no earlier context for this example is established in the essay.

The student's examples are not always sufficiently analysed and evaluated in orderto clearly relate them to the issue and the position taken. In this sense, contentdeveloped in a stronger, more detailed way might have enhanced the argument.Overall, however, the student has demonstrated an adequate understanding ofcontent and its application to the issue.


The student communicates ideas in a clear and straightforward manner. Sentenceslike "After the French lost their colonial battle with Vietnam at Dien Bien Phu, theUnited States stepped in to help South Vietnam defend itself from the communistnorth" and "The communist North tried to take over the South, but met fierce resist-ance by the UN fc rces" reveal an adequate use of syntax and conventions.

Clarity in communication could be enhanced by identifying and correcting errors inspelling and punctuation, and by correcting faults in sentence structure; for exam-ple, "Throughout the 20th century, many countries around the world have takenaction both politically and economically that have stirred up mixed emotions of othercountries that are linked to the actions of the aggressor."

The colloquial use of prepositions and pronouns like "in near by Saudi-Arabia,""them," and "you" indicate that the student does not distinguish between formalwriting and informal speech. The student has properly used social studies vocabu-lary: "Truman Doctrin," "domino theory," and "appeasement." In other instances, amore specific vocabulary would have assisted the reader in understanding the stu-dent's intentions. For example, the phrase "strongly opposed this action" calls forfurther clarification.

92

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SUMMARY OF CHARACTERISTICS COMMON TOSTUDENTS' WRITING AT THE SATISFACTORY (3) LEVEL


1. In establishing the scope of the issue, students referred to real-world examples,key concepts, theoretical principles, and ideas from Social Studies 30, and ad-equately defined the meaning of each issue. Writers also recognized that differ-ent viewpoints exist in relation to the issues.

2. Students presented a generalized rather than a specific development or discus -sion of the issue. They tended to address both topics in broad terms andlargely ignored the intricacies and subtleties inherent in the issues.

3. The principles, beliefs, and assumptions underlying differing viewpoints werereferred to or mentioned but not elaborated on or developed to any great extent.These students tended to provide cursory acknowledgment of the various view-points on an issue. On both topics, students recognized that disagreement and/ora range of opinion exists but did not fully develop or explore the complexity ofthis disagreement.

Students at this level revealed an adequate but somewhat superficial under-standing of the controversy and dilemmas associated with each issue. The cau-tious, often straightforward, approach taken in developing the scope of the issuerevealed the students to be somewhat distant and less engaged in the meaning-fulness and importance of the issue under discussion.

Defence of Position

1. On each topic, students presented a generally clear and discernible position.There was an obvious attempt to develop a position through identifiable support-ing arguments. The students also attempted to apply evidence by forming a linkbetween arguments and examples.

2. The supporting arguments in these essays were weakened by the generalizedevidence presented. The students did not always provide sufficient analysis andevaluation of the examples presented; therefore, the breadth and depth of thearguments were reduced. Occasionally, specific details related to the exampleswere not included, thereby weakening support for potentially relevant argu-ments. As well, the students sometimes misinterpreted and incorrectly evalu-ated evidence, which led to false or illogical conclusions.

3. Mustrative examples were often a blend of the current and the past, reflectingpotentially sophisticated thinking on the part of the writers. Broad themes werederived from such parallels, and the evidence was often applied appropriately tothe position taken. However, the students tended to overgeneralize these paral-lels or other subtle differences and often did not consider the time-place differ-ences when relating historical case studies and current situations. Thisovergeneralization of parallel features was most evident when students at-tempted to apply the lessons of appeasement in the 1930s to the recent PersianGulf crisis. The 1990 situation was often interpreted as an exact repetition ofthe 1930s.

34 -28-

4. Students demonstrated varying degrees of order and control in developing andexpressing their positions and arguments. There was an overall sense of organi-zation and progression of the students' thinking. This logical train of thoughtwas occasionally interrupted as new assertions were introduced.

Sometimes, the students' thinking needed more explanation to consolidate theargument being expressed. Repetitious and superficial assertions obscured thedepth of thinking in some cases. Other essays displayed very effective strategiesin building supporting arguments. Attempts were often made in the concludingparagraph to consolidate the strength of the argument developed in the essay.Efforts to contrast the benefits of one option with another represented emerg-ing signs of solid critical thinking.

5: Students who achieved a Satisfactory (3) level of performance demon-strated adequate and conventional thinking in developing their position.While there was a tendency to provide generalized support for their posi-tions, there were obvious attempts to qualify positions and achieve a com-promise between the opposing points of view on the issue. These at-tempts, however, were in need of further development. Greater sophistica-tion in thinking could have been demonstrated by considering the conse-quences of the positions adopted.


1. Methods of presentation of evidence used by the students included:comparison of two or more examplesdrawing historical parallels among similar eventsusing different examples to support different arguments

2. Students tended to generalize their descriptions of examples. Their gen-eral ind at times superficial treatment of the evidence aften neglectedspecific details and did not reflect a thorough, or comprehensive, knowl-edge of the facts of each example.

3. Students achieved varying degrees of success in their attempts to commu-nicate the significance of the evidence in relation to the position taken.Some students directly and effectively explained to the reader what theevidence represented and how it could be applied to the position adopted.Others scattered content throughout their essays without establishing acomplete context for the evidence presented.

4. Students were well aware of the need to ground arguments in ap-propriate evidence and made a satisfactory attempt to do so. There was,however, still a need to provide specific details along with generalizationsin order to build arguments that evolve directly from the evidence consid-ered. Rather than using evidence to solidify support for the positiontaken, certain students displayed a tendency to apply questionable interpreta-tions to examples in order to make them fit the argument.

-29-


1. Overall, students' writing was clear and meaning was communicatedsatisfactorily.

2. Students demonstrated varying degrees of effectiveness in employingvocabulary to convey their understanding of the issue and to communicatearguments in support of positions taken. Students have generally usedrelevant and appropriate social studies terminology to convey their mean-ing, but some vocabulary choices were generalized or redundant. Attimes, use of colloquial language detracted from the evenness of theircommunication.

3. Syntax tended to be uneven. Some sentences were structured correctlyand effectively, while others showed students to be struggling with syntax.

4. Occasionally, spelling errors, errors of grammatical agreement, and er-rors of punctuation detracted from the precision of thinking developed inthe essays. However, in spite of these errors, meaning generally re-mained intact.

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SECTION THIZ EESAMPLES OF STUDENTS' 'WRITING ,''MIME

EXCELLENT (5) LEVEL

GENERAL COMMENTS

Students' writing achieving an Excellent (5) level of performance exhibits ahigh degree of academic proficiency. Consideration of the scoring descriptors inAppendix B will provide clear focus and specific definition of students' writing at theExcellent (5) level.

In interpreting the standard for students' writing that is embedded in the Excellent(5) descriptors, it is useful to consider the broad range of expectations of the student.The descriptors delineate the specific dimensions of the assignment and clarify themanner in which, and extent to which, the student must address the requirementsof each dimension. The descriptors make it clear that the student should demon-strate a mature and insightful awareness and appreciation of the complexity of theassigned issue. As well, the descriptors specify the level of thinking that the studentmust demonstrate to achieve the standard of excellence. They suggest what infor-mation should be brought to bear in addressing the issue and how this informationshould be applied. Also clarified by the scoring descriptors are the choices to bemade by writers in organizing and developing their writing in order to express theirposition in a skilful and effective manner. Overall, the descriptors provide the basisupon which judgments about students' writing produced on the Social Studies 30examinations are made.

The Excellent (5) Scoring Descriptors* are as follows:

DIMENSION SCORING DESCRIPTOR

DEFINITION OF

THE ISSUE

The definition of the issue is insightful and mature. A thoughtful and perceptivediscussion of the complexity inherent in the issue is comprehensively developed.Analysis of the principles underlying the various positions reveals a sophisti-cated understanding of the complexity of the issue.

DEFENCE OF

POSITION

The defence of the position is based on convincing and logical arguments. Thecase studies or examples chosen are appropriate and judicious to support anddevelop the position taken. The arguments presented are consistent and forceful,demonstrating maturity, insight, and/or originality. The content is ordered andcontrolled in such a way as to reinforce the writer's argument.

PRESENTATIONOF EXAMPLES OR

CASE STUDIES

The examples or cue studies selected are relevant nd accurate. Selectedevidence is comprehensive and specific, revealing a suture and insightfulunderstanding of content and its application to the assigned issue.

QUALITY OF

LANGUAGE AND

EXPRESSION

The writing is skilfully structured and fluent. Vocabulary is appropriate,mature, and precise. Syntax is controlled and varied. The relative absence oferror is 'impressive under the circumstances, and minor errors do not detractfrom the clarity or effectiveness of communication.

*These descriptors have been slightly modified for 1991-.92. See the latest Social Studies 30 BulletinUpdate for the revised descriptors.

-31- 27

In what way do the following five student papers reflect mature and insightfulstudents' writing as produced on the Social Studies 30 Diploma Examination in June1991? What common understandings about excellent students' writing can be de-rived by comparing these samples of students' writing with the scoring descriptors atthe Excellent (5) level? How are the expectations of students' writing embedded inthese scoring descriptors evident in this group of papers judged by teacher-markersto be at the Excellent (5) level?

Consideration of these questions should be helpful in forming conclusions-aboutcommon approaches to writing taken by students achieving at the Excellent (5) level.Such considerations will also enhance appreciation for the broad range of choicesmade by students at the Excellent (5) level.

STUDENT SAMPLE PAPER SIX

(Topic A: Excellent Level)

General Comments

Topic A Assignment:Should govenments provide financialincentives to industries to stimulateeconomic growth?

During the confirmation of standards procedure, this essay was chosen as the Excel-lent (5) exemplar for Topic A and was presented to group leaders and markers fortraining purposes.

The student demonstrates maturity and insight. A thoughtful and perceptive under-standing of the issue is presented, both from a theoretical perspective and in real-world terms. The student presents a compelling argument on the assigned issue,one that is very well ordered and that displays breadth and depth of thought.Throughout the essay, the student provides a convincing argument against govern-ment financial assistance to business.


The student establishes a meaningful context for the issue by describing commonlyheld beliefs about the free enterprise system. The writer is well aware of the mean-ing and application of such significant economic concepts as competition, profitmotive, risk-taking, entrepreneurship, consumer sovereignty, and self-interest.These ideas are clearly related to the issue and provide an effective basis for thearguments used. The student also has an excellent grasp of the free enterpriseperspective of the role of government and consumer-driven decisions in the market-place. The student relates the issue to current developments in real-world econom-ics through reference to Gainers. The writer demonstrates an understanding of theissue not only in theoretical terms, but also in terms of the practical consequencesfor the economy, for business, and for the consumer. Although the student has donean excellent job of establishing the scope of the issue, the repetition of the preambleas the introduction to the essay, while it may have acted to "prime the pump" for thestudent, serves no real purpose in defining the issue.

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Defence of Position

The student provides a convincing and compelling argument. The defence of posi-tion is based on strong and logical arguments. Throughout the paper, the studentpresents a position that is well ordered, well organized, and well controlled. Thestudent's thesis, that the spirit of competition and consumer sovereignty are inhib-ited by artificial financial incentives. is presented in a convincing and logical man-ner. Further assertions that financial incentives may often postpone inevitablebankruptcy and that public money should not be used to further the gain of indi-vidual entrepreneurs illustrate a mature and forceful argument. The student dis-plays originality in suggesting that because not all businesses qualify for govern-ment assistance, some entrepreneurs are placed at a decided disadvantage. Thestudent is aware of the recent controversy surrounding the manner in which certaindecisions were made about providing financial assistance to business. In the end,the student's conviction that government should not provide financial incentives to

maintain a more traditional role in the market economy is veryconvincing. The writer's grasp of content has been well integrated with the argu-ments presented.


The student has an excellent grasp of relevant content and has applied this knowl-edge effectively. The student reveals a comprehensive understanding of key ideas,principles, and beliefs in the market-oriented economy. The studs-zt's interpretationof the Pocklington example reveals a mature and insightful grasp of an importantand relevant real-world situation. Both theoretical knowledge and concrete evidenceare used to develop and support the position. The ability to apply this combinationof theory and real-world evidence to the development of insightful arguments insupport of the position is evidence of mature thinking on the part of the student.


The writing is skilfully structured and fluent. Examples of effective syntax anddiction abound in this essay. The student employs effective use of a rhetorical ques-tion: "To make an investment using one's own money is one thing, but if the moneyin question was an outright gift -a grant from governmentwould it still be ethi-cal?" Balanced structure is achieved in "A business . . tries to minimize its riskwhile maximizing potential gain." In sentences such as the two that follow, thestudent demonstrates effective and complex, yet well-controlled syntax and diction."Such concessions, it must be noted, are not universal or constant, and are thereforeunfair." Grants have been made to troubled companies in the past, but for a gov-ernment to assist an inefficient management, for example, or an obsolete product, isto disrupt the natural law which dictates survival of the fittest."

Minor errors exist in the essay, such as misuse of the semicolon, but these do notdetract significantly from the clarity of communication. The student's ability tocommunicate precisely and clearly has strengthened the essay and the manner inwhich all dimensions of the essay have been addressed.

40

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STUDENT SAMPLE PAPER SEVEN

(Topic A: Excellent Level)

General Comments

The student demonstrates a sophisticated and mature understanding of the issue bydrawing attention to the needs of society and the needs of individuals The studentrecognizes that these two perspectives are interrelated and that both must,be con-sidered simultaneously. A strong grasp of the fundamental beliefs and principles ofcapitalism is demonstrated, as is a recognition of the need to adapt these concepts tothe real world of economics. The student appears to have a very strong backgroundof relevant information pertaining to the issue and applies this knowledge effec-tively. Throughout this well-organized and highly integrated essay, the studentdevelops compelling arguments in support of the position that governments, out ofnecessity, must modify the original principles of capitalism and provide financialincentives for the benefit of the collective good and of individuals.


By recognizing that governments have successfully employed financial incentivesand then asking the question if this is really an appropriate role for governments,the student establishes a perceptive focus for the issue. In explaining the impor-tance of economic freedom, personal gain, and the invisible hand, the student dem-onstrates an awareness of the principles of the pure market system. The studentinsightfully acknowledges that in the real world, these original principles of capital-ist thought must be modified and cites the ideas of John Maynard Keynes as a rea-sonable alternative. The student effectively applies these principles to the complex-ity of the issue.

The complexity of the issue is further explained as the student interprets the issueas involving the need to fulfil the interests of society and the interests of individuals.The student insightfully illustrates how these two perspectives are interrelated andhow decisions on the issue affect both society as a whole and individual citizens. Theobvious grasp of relevant social studies content and the focused arguments reflectthe student's personal and internalized sense of the significance of the issue.

Defence of Position

The student presents a sophisticated defence of position that reveals both breadthand depth of thought. The student contends that the early principles and beliefs ofcapitalism must be adapted and that the collective needs of society must be metwithout compromising the needs of individuals. This development of thought leadsdirectly into the position adopted by the student: governments should provide finan-cial incentives for business. The student supports this position by arguing that eventhough capitalism works well, it is not without problems. Convincing evidencecomes from the writer's focus on the problems faced by small business in competingwith well-established corporations like IBM. Also, the student notes the GreatDepression as a failure of capitalism. The writer further argues that the drive forprofits in capitalism often causes corporations to lose their social conscience andoverlook pressing environmental concerns.

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The student is well aware of the influence of government incentives, stressing thatsuch practices play a major role in moderating swings in the economy. This insightis developed through the writer's focus on Keynes and the response to the GreatDepression through the New Deal. The stu _ant's arguments continue in the de-scription of the influence such incentives play in critical market decisions. Govern-ment can exert pressure on businesses to maintain minimal standards in the mar-ketplace by threatening to withhold benefits like tax breaks and grants. Accordingto the student, government incentives to business also contribute to competition inthe marketplace and enhance employment opportunities. The student has a solidgrasp of the role played by governments in market-oriented economies and uses thisunderstanding to provide very forceful arguments in support of the position taken.

The student fully recognizes that government incentives are not without costs andpoints to the case of the Swedish economy where, in the mind ofthe student, govern-ment intervention has placed too much emphasis on the collective good at the ex-pense of individual goals.

The student's comprehensive arguments are well organized and integrated through-out the essay. A progression in logic is evident, and the student is successful inmaking the case that government incentives play a profound role in the developmentof society and in the growth of individuals.


The student reveals a comprehensive understanding of theoretical principles; thetheories of Smith and Keynes are effectively applied in establishing a context for theissue and are used to advantage in providing a basis for the position taken. Thestudent has a good understanding of the Great Depression and the New Deal. Theseexamples are used to explain why the original principles of capitalism need to beadapted to real-world practice. The student presents this evidence when comparingthe inability of laissez-faire practices to respond to the effects of the depression withthe more appropriate responses of the Keynesian inspired New Deal.

Throughout the essay, the student displays a good grounding in relevant socialstudies content. For example, the student is knowledgeable about why governmentsdo, in real-world market economies, provide financial incentives. The argumentsraised in support of the position taken are backed by a sound and sophisticatedunderstanding of the responses made by governments to counteract the inadequa-cies of pure, theoretical capitalist principles to provide for the collective needs ofsociety and of individuals.


Clarity of communication is achieved by appropriate vocabulary that strengthensthe student's meaning. Key concepts and social studies terminology are appliedaccurately to convey an insightful understanding of the issue and support for theposition taken. Terms like "economic freedom," "economic intervention," "invisiblehand," and "collective good" are indicative of well-chosen vocabulary.

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The thoughtful development of the essay is conveyed through the student's ability to

use effective, complex writing structures. For example: 'Financial incentives,whether in the form of cheap loans, tax breaks or government hand outs, have his-

torically been sufficient to bring downturns in an economy back to a stage ofgrowth. But truly, is it the role of the government to partake in such economic

intervention?"

The essay is not error-free, however. The student makes errors of agreement, pro-

noun reference, and inflection that are typical of the first-draft writing of even the

most competent writers. Also, the student attempts to use imagery with choices like

locked out of the market place' and "fall through the cracks of the invisible hand"(although "fall between the fingers" might have been a more effective choice).

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STUDENT SAMPLE PAPER EIGHT

(Topic B: Excellent Level)

General Comments

Topic B Assignment:Should nations of the world unite to usemilitary action against an aggressor?

During the confirmation of standards, this essay was chosen as the Excellent (5)exemplar for Topic B and was presented to group leaders and markers for trainingpurposes.

The student demonstrates maturity and insight in this very strong paper. Athoughtful and perceptive understanding of the issue is presented as well as a goodgrasp of relevant historical and contemporary information. The position taken isbased on an application of the lessons of history to the recent Persian Gulf crisis.The writer acknowledges two opposing viewpoints on the issue and the differentperspectives underlying each. Throughout the essay, the writer attempts to assessthe historical record of approaches taken in confronting aggression and concludesthat combined direct military confrontation is a more effective method of respondingto acts of aggression than is diplomacy.


The student presents an extended explanation of the various principles and assump-tions underlying the issue. The student recognizes two schools of thought: confron-tation and negotiation. The student elaborates and develops the beliefs that under-lie each. Those who believe in confronting aggression prefer direct action. TheyI eject negotiation and diplomacy because they believe that such measures intensifythe aggressor's motivations and prolong theinevitable conflict. Those who prefernegotiation seek to preserve peace. They view war as a barbaric event, pushing theworld into devastation. The student thus establishes and explores the basis for thedisagreement and controversy that surround the issue. Despite rejecting the view-point favoring negotiation rather summarily, the writer develops the scope of thecomplexity of the issue effectively and appropriately for the position taken.

Defence of Position

The student uses compelling arguments to support and develop the position taken.The student has interpreted and applied historical information to argue the need toconfront aggressive dictators in the present day. The examples of Mussolini andHitler before the Second World War are used to show that diplomacy and negotia-tion were ineffective and served only to fuel aggressive ambitions. The student usesthe failure of the League of Nations, the failure of sanctions, and the lessons ofappeasement as a basis for the conviction that the latter day aggressor, Hussein,had to be confronted by combined military action. For example, "Appeasing themonly increase their appetite for power and gives them the incentive to carry on withtheir imperialistic advances. Such reasoning displays a judicious selection of infor-mation in supporting the position. The argument is well under control, and thestudent organizes supporting evidence and insights in a consistent and coherentmanner. A well-developed argument is the result.

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The student has a comprehensive grasp of social studies content and makes maturechoices about the content to be applied to the position taken. The student is knowl-edgeable about many crucial decisions made before the Second World War. Theability to relate important historical information without including extraneous detailis the sign of mature thinking. The similarities between the interwar years and thecurrent situation in the Persian Gulf are effectively developed. The student is suc-cessful in developing broad themes and understandings of contentand their applica-tion to the issue, recognizing that parallels can be drawn between the past and thepresent. The reference to Saddam Hussein as "the fascist leader of Iraq," althoughan exaggeration, is most likely attributable to the media coverage of the Gulf War.


The student chooses appropriate vocabulary and effective sentence structures, andattends well to the conventions of written language in communicating. For example,the balanced structure of "rather live in a state of peace than a world of war" and themetaphoric imagery of "hold all the cards at the bargaining table" serve the writer'spurpose well.

Evidence of control of syntax is also present in sentences like "However when Cham-berlain came home exclaiming 'I have found peace in our time' he had barely fin-ished the sentence before the world was immersed in another massive war" and"Considering the volatile nature of the middle east countries any hesitation to op-pose Iraq might have plunged the world into a bloody and perhaps nuclear war."Although these sentences contain errors of punctuation and capitalization, it isobvious from their complexity that the student is a fluent and able communicator.

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CAST COPY VA1LEE

STUDENT SAMPLE PAPER NINE


General Comments

The student demonstrates maturity and insight in this well-written paper. Athoughtful and perceptive understanding of the issue is presented. Throughout theessay, the student focuses on the purpose of the United Nations and the commitmentmade by member nations to protect the security of countries threatened by aggres-sion. The student adopts the position that the historical record of the 20th centuryclearly indicates that the security of threatened nations and world order can only beaccomplished if nations are willing to employ military force through the U.N. Thestudent largely dismisses attempts at diplomacy and negotiation by pointing outthat on numerous occasions in this century when the situation called for joint mili-tary intervention, attempts at diplomacy and negotiation only fuelled the ambitionsof aggressors.


The student develops a meaningful context for the issue by addressing key beliefs,principles, and assumptions that form the basis of the issue. The student also effec-tively uses a quotation from Part A of the diploma examination to establish a focus.Concepts such as national security, collective security, and international peace andorder are thoughtfully applied to the issue. The student acknowledges two view-points on the issue, and the reasons underlying these perspectives are thoughtfullyexplained. The student has an insightful grasp of the beliefs, principles, and as-sumptions held by those who favor direct military action through the U.N. to con-front aggressive actions. The choices made by the student in applying relevanthistorical and contemporary content have done much to establish the scope of theissue.

Defence of Position

The student presents a clear and well-established position supported by thoughtful,well-integrated, and logical arguments. The student demonstrates a sound under-standing of the concept of collective security by recognizing that a major purpose ofthe United Nations is to support member nations threatened by aggression.

The arguments are strengthened by the evidence provided. The student has a soundgrasp of content and has applied this information to substantiate the position taken.The evidence provided leads directly to the conclusion made. In developing a sophis-ticated and thoughtful argument, the student accepts the position that "aggressiveaction must be taken against forces threatening peace and world order,' while reject-ing the position of "open diplomacy in dealing with aggressors." Throughout alengthy paper, control of arguments is consistently maintained. An effective conclu-sion summarizes the essence of the arguments given and reinforces the student'sposition and positive outlook.

Overall, the writer maintains a consistent argument based upon a comprehensiveunderstanding of broad themes and relevant and appropriate content. The argu-ment is well integrated, and the student is in control of the task from beginning toend.

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The student displays an extensive and comprehensive grasp of content. The detailsof each illustration demonstrate the student's ability to make effective choices inpresenting information relevant and appropriate to the position taken. The studentis aware of the broad themes that are related to the examples used and demon-strates an ability to synthesize information. The student not only has a grasp ofthese major ideas, but is also well aware of specific details; these two elements of theconsideration of content are well balanced. The writer has a sound understanding ofthe failure of collective security in the 1930s, of the implications of attempting toappease Hitler, and of specific details of the recent Gulf War. A successful attemptis made to form links and generalizations from this content. The comparison of theLeague of Nations with the United Nations is a further sign of the ability to presentmajor understanding of content by applying it to the issue and the position taken.


There is a strong command of social studies vocabulary that helps to convey a ma-ture understanding of the issue. Key terms, such as "national security,' "the right ofself determination,' "internationalism,' "autonomy,' and "imperialistic ambitions,'strengthen the essay. In the first sentence, aquotation from the multiple-choicesection has been employed to focus effectively on the issue.

The student is skilled in the use of language, displaying correct and effective sen-tence structure, diction, and attention to the conventions of good writing. For exam-ple, the use of personification and of repetition for emphasis is effective in the follow-ing sentences: "History saw the League of Nations fail because it could not takeeffective action when collective security was threatened. The League was reluctantto impose anything more forceful than economic sanctions on any aggressors, andthis reluctance was its destruction."

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STUDENT SAMPLE PAPER TEN


General Comments

The student demonstrates a strong grasp of content relevant to the issue. A compre-hensive understanding of historical and contemporary examples provides the basisfor mature and sophisticated arguments in support of the position taken. A rn= an-ingful background to the issue is established by the assertion that although sanc-tions and diplomatic means of opposing aggression have their place, the historicalrecord shows that united military force through the U.N. is ultimately more effec-tive. The student has a sophisticated understanding of the issue and throughout theessay weighs each perspective against the other. The student also shows thoughtful-ness by developing speculative applications of the evidence to the arguments pre-sented. Rather than employing sweeping generalizations, the student uses theevidence in a qualified manner. Maturity of thought is evident in application ofinsights from one situation to another.


The student demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the issue. Two per-spectives, that of the pursuit of a "diplomatic resolution' and the other the "united(military) opposition,' are carefully weighed against each other. By focusing on theissue throughout the essay, the student is able to demonstrate its complexity. Thestudent shows insight by explaining that the unique circumstances related to spe-cific historical and current events influenced the position taken on the issue. Thestudent understands key principles, including collective security and its role insafeguarding the rights of sovereign states. The essay is a thoughtful examinationof the issue.

Defence of Position

The student presents, in depth, a thoughtful defence of position. The student arguesthat, although economic sanctions and diplomacy have their place, history showsthat it is more "prudent" for nations to meet the threat of aggression by uniting touse military force where necessary. The position is well supported by the evidencepresented. The interpretation and analysis of the examples provided are matureand insightful, resulting in a consistent and compelling argument. The student usesthree areas of evidence to develop broad themes that form the basis of arguments insupport of the position taken. By assessing the Korean conflict, the Persian Gulfcrisis, and the lessons of the 1930s, the student develops the argument that at-tempts at negotiation and peaceful resolution are futile after the objectives of ag-gressors have been achieved. According to the student, these situations requireunited military intervention.

The student also displays maturity in recognizing the unique context of each illus-tration presented. The circumstances that contributed to appeasement in 1938 areconsidered. Rather than drawing exact parallels between examples, the studentapplies the insight gained from historical evidence in a tentative but thoughtful way.

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For example, the historical motivation underlying appeasement is considered. Thestudent's understanding that sanctions and diplomacy were tried during the recentGulf crisis also lends support for the position taken. The student's evaluation ofthese attempts to resolve the crisis peacefully are consistent with the argumentsderived from the example.

The student's concluding sentence is further evidence of maturity of thought. Thestudent is well aware that the position taken is not without negative consequencesbut concludes that it is the lesser of two evils: even though war is undesirable, ashow of military force might result in'Tewer lives lost in the long run.


The student demonstrates a comprehensive grasp ofexamples and draws on rel-evant details to build the strength of the arguments. The student is in control ofhow much detail should be included and which details are most appropriate to thetask of the essay. Despite some inaccuracy regarding the control of the Saar Basin,the grasp of content is illustrated by the description of the circumstances that leddemocratic nations to seek diplomatic solutions to the problems caused by aggres-sion in the 1930s. This discussion allows the student to deepen the thoughtfulnessof the arguments by qualifying understandings and using history as a tentativeguide to contemporary decisions surrounding the issue. The student has given acomprehensive treatment of the Gulf War by assessing the attempts to resolve thecrisis through sanctions and diplomacy. This focus is an essential component of theevidence supporting the argument that united military action was the only viablemeans of confronting aggression in this situation.

The application of this evidence in a speculative and qualified way, and the well-founded conclusions that flow from it, illustrate a mature use of examples to developa sound argument.


This essay has been produced by a strong writer. Syntax is effective and well con-trolled. For example, the following sentences, despite errors of spelling and agree-ment, produce a powerful flow of ideas. "The motivation behind appeasement wasunderstandablethe horrors of World War I made war unconscienable for manypeople. As well, the world was reeling from the worst economic depression of mod-ern times, and no one really felt compelled to raise arms against anyone when theyhad to worry about where there next meal was coming from."

The student also makes effective use of vocabulary and of some of the conventions ofwritten language to reinforce meaning. The use of quotation marks around 'diplo-matic protests," "cosmetic," and "loomed," as well as the use of parentheses around"(and implied aggression)" speaks volumes about the extent of the writer's Imowl-edge.

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73

SUMMARY OF CHARACTERISTICS COMMON TOSTUDENTS' WRITING AT THE EXCELLENT (5) LEVEL


1. Students demonstrated a perceptive awareness of the issues. For both topics,students provided a broad, comprehensive definition of the scope of the issues.

2. Students applied principles, beliefs, and assumptions in revealing a thoroughunderstanding of the issues.

3. The controversy inherent in each issue was well explained. Students dealtwith the consequences flowing from different perspectives on an issue.

4. Students demonstrated an internalized appreciation of the issues. This re-vealed a personal understanding that the issues assigned were important andmeaningful questions to consider.

Defence of Position

1. Students presented convincing and compelling arguments based on comprehen-sive evidence. The arguments stemmed from specific and detailed evidence.Effective generalizations about examples also lent support to the argumentsdeveloped.

2. The evidence presented was well analysed and appropriately applied to argu-ments. The students developed sophisticated arguments based on theory andon factual evidence. They were able to synthesize information to draw war-ranted conclusions.

3. The students presented extensive, well-organized, and fully integrated argu-ments in defence of their positions. In spite of the fact that the essays werelengthy, coherency was maintained and impressive control in developing thearguments was evident.

4. The students were able to analyse and thoughtfully explore the subtletiesrelated to the positions taken, and speculated about the consequences of thepositions they took. They avoided sweeping generalizations and attempted toweigh the merits of the positions adopted.

r.

-68-


1. The students revealed a breadth and deplh of knowledge of relevant content.Examples were accurately described, and crucial details often supported in-sightful generalizations. Consequently, the evidence provided a sound andlogical basis for the arguments presented.

2. Students revealed a broad understanding of evidence by comparing and con-trasting historical case studies or examples. Students were generally aware ofthe importance of addressing individual illustrations in terms of their histori-cal context and recognized that generalizations about similar case studies andexamples must be qualified. Students achieving lower scores did not recognizethese subtleties.

3. The evidence selected by the students as a logical basis for their argumentswas relevant and accurately developed. Examples did not contain extraneousor contrived detail but used specific and verifiable detail to focus on the issueunder discussion.


1. The writing was skilfully structured and fluent. The students' ability to com-municate contributed to the overall quality of the essays and enhanced themanner in which specific dimensions of the task were addressed. Thought andlanguage are inexorably bound. These students have achieved a comfortablelevel of usage and a comprehensive understanding of-the language of the disci-pline.

2. The students' choices of vocabulary enhanced and clarified the meaning ofideas presented.

3. Sentence structure and other conventions of writing were well controlled,although occasional errors in grammar, syntax, and spelling did occur. Minorerrors associated with first-draft writing did not detract significantly from thestrength of the communication and could be readily corrected given time forediting and revising.

- 69 - 75

SECTION FOURSUMMARY AND CONCLUSIONS

DIFFERENTIATING SATISFACTORY AND EXCELLENTSTUDENTS' WRITING

A study of the qualities of students' writing at the Satisfactory (3) and Excellent (5)levels provides a basis for an instructive comparison of these two performance levels.Defining and differentiating acceptable and excellent students' writing also leads toconsiderations that will be helpful in preparing students for success in approachingfuture assignments.


Students achieving at the Excellent (5) level demonstrate greater perception andunderstanding than their counterparts at the Satisfactory (3) level in explaining thebeliefs, principles, and assumptions that underlie different viewpoints and thenature of disagreement on an issue. These students appear to have a greater aware-ness of the intricacies and range of opinion and belief relating to the assigned issue,and demonstrate a much more mature and personal appreciation for the conse-quences of the issue than do writers who produce Satisfactory (3) papers. The issueis meaningful and important to them personally Students achieving at the Excel-lent (5) level define the issue in such a way that it forms an effective and oftencomprehensive background for the position developed in the essay.

The following chart summarizes aspects of students' writing in defining the issue atboth performance levels. To some degree, these aspects reflect patterns that aretypical at the two levels.

SATISFACTORY (3) PATTERNSI

EXCELLENT (5) PATTERNS

generalized focus on the issue insightful awareness of the issue

adequate definition of the issue comprehensive explanation of theissue

recognition of two polar extremes ofviewpoint: one viewpoint is well explainedand the second minimally explored, ortwo viewpoints are minimally explained

tendency to recognize that a rangeof viewpoints exist; principles,beliefs, and assumptions compre-hensively examined and used toexplain the basis of viewpoints

complexity of the issue not fully explained breadth and depth of the issueconveyed

dilemma and controversy over the issueneeds further explanation and integration

controversy inherent in the issue iswell explained; discussion of theissue provides a context for thedevelopment of a position

consequences resulting from the differentviewpoints on the issue are referred to butare not fully developed

significance of the issue and itsconsequences are well explained

distance between student and themeaningfulness of the issue is apparent

student displays internalizedappreciation of the issue

- 71 - 76

Defence of Position

Students achieving at the Excellent (5) level provide considerably more support anddevelopment for the positions taken than their counterparts at the Satisfactory (3)level.

These students are more successful in presentingevidence to form support for theirarguments. Their selection of evidence, including both specific details and generali-zations, establishes a logical basis for arguments developed. The evidence employedby these students is well interpreted and analysed, and there is no doubt in thereader's mind about the appropriateness of the evidence used to support the argu-ments raised.

Students achieving at the Excellent (5) level also develop more sophisticated anddetailed arguments than students achieving at the Satisfactory (3) level. Studentsat the Excellent (5) level are in greater control of their defence of positions by reveal-ing a more mature ability to apply, to organize, and to order their arguments. Theydevelop an orderly succession of logical thought reinforced by effective conclusionsemerging from their main arguments.

The following chart summarizes aspects of student writing in defending a position atboth performance levels. To some degree, these aspects reflect patterns that aretypical at the two levels.

SATISFACTORY (3) PATTERNS EXCELLENT (5) PATTERNS

clear and discernible position isestablished

clear and discernible positionis established

links among evidence, arguments, andposition are adequately developed

convincing, compelling argumentbased on comprehensive evidenceis used to support the positiontaken

specific details to strengthen argumentsare brief and sometimes repetitious

specific details and generalizationsare used effectively

uneven control and order of argumentweakens persuasiveness

persuasive and extensive argu-ments are well organized, con-trolled, and fully integrated

reluctance to develop a qualified positionon an issue; issue is viewed in "black orwhite" terms

in-depth analysis and thoughtfulconsideration of subtleties re-laced to position; "grey" areas oftenrecognized

-72- 77


Students achieving at the Excellent (5) level demonstrate a superior knowledge ofthe examples they consider. Their mature and insightful presentation of informa-tion and application of evidence are shown in a number of ways. For example, stu-dents at the Excellent (5) level demonstrate knowledge and understanding of acomprehensive bank of information and ideas from which they are able to select andintegrate relevant and specific details. These students appear to have much greaterinsight into how this information is to be analysed and evaluated in order to beapplied as evidence than do students who wrote Satisfactory (3) payers. An inter-nalized presentation of these carefully selected and developed examples allowedthese students to extend the breadth and depth of their arguments.

Students achieving at the: Satisfactory (3) level tend to present shorter restrictedarguments because the details from examples are not elaborated on, analysed, ordeveloped. As well, the evidence these students present is sometimes extraneous tothe arguments made in support of their positions. These students demonstrate thatthey know factual information; however, they have not reached the point of demon-strating consistent understanding of data and of relating knowledge and facts toconcepts.

The following chart summarizes aspects of students' writing in presenting examplesat both performance levels. To some degree, these aspects reflect patterns that aretypical at the two levels.

SATISFACTORY (3) PATTERNS EXCELLENT (5) PATTERNS

a general but adequate knowledge ofexamples is evident

comprehensive knowledge andunderstanding of content areevident

some minor factual errors are made inthe presentation of evidence

examples are accurately devel-oped and analysed

adequate application of relevant content;some evidence is peripheral

highly relevant and appropriateevidence is applied; purpose ofevidence is well established andintegrated

time-place context of examples is not fullyfocused; historical and contemporaryexamples are often presented as beingidentical

historical and contemporaryexamples are well selected, devel-oped, and applied


Students achieving at the Excellent (5) level demonstrate a more effective ability tocommunicate than do their peers at the Satisfactory (3) level. In reading the essaysproduced by these writers, the relationship between sophisticated thinking andaccomplished communication is apparent. While students at the Satisfactory (3)level communicate in a generally clear way, students at the Excellent (5) level con-sistently exhibit correct and effective use of vocabulary and syntax.

Students at the Excellent (5) level employ precise and wide-ranging vocabulary,including social studies terminology, that strengthens their communication, wheraswriters at the Satisfactory (3) level use a more general and basic vocabulary.

Students at the Excellent (5) level demonstrate control of syntax. Their complexstructures reflect complex thinking. Writers at the Satisfactory (3) level, on theother hand, demonstrate uneven syntax; some sentences are well structured andothers are awkward.

Students at both the Excellent (5) and Satisfactory (3) levels attend to the conven-tions of good writing; however, writing at the Satisfactory (3) level is more uneven inthe correct application of spelling, punctuation, and grammatical agreement. Minorerrors associated with first-draft writing are common even for the most competentwriters, and would be easily corrected given time for editing.

The following chart summarizes aspects of student writing in quality of languageand expression that have emerged at both performance levels. To some degree,these aspects reflect patterns that are typical at the two levels.

SATISFACTORY (3) PATTERNS ExcELLENT (5) PATTERNS

meaning is generally clear fluent writing enhances meaning

syntax is uneven: some sentences arestructured effectively; others are awkward

syntax is well controlled; manycomplex sentences are used andare structured for effect

vocabulary is usually general andconventional, but specific and appropriateterms are used occasionally

rich and precise vocabularyenhances communication

common spelling, sentence, andpunctuation errors are evident but do notimpede the clarity of communication

minor errors do not detract fromthe overall effect

MOVING STUDENTS BEYOND SATISFACTORY WRITING

The patterns of writing that have emerged at each of these key levels of writingperformance illustrate the effectiveness of choices made by students in responding tothe requirements of each dimension of the assignment. Choices made by studentsare influenced by their understandings of the requirements of the assignment, theirunderstandings of what would be appropriate responses to these requirements, andtheir own perceptions of themselves as writers and thinkers.

- 74 -I ;9

The following considerations, which stem from this analysis of samples of students'writing, are intended to assist students in making more insightful decisions abouthow to write effectively and thoughtfully about social studies issues.

It is likely that classroom teachers are already well aware of the importance of theconsiderations that follow, and their students may already be grappling with thesuggestions presented. These suggestions reinforce the importance of sound instruc,tional practice. They will perhaps provide a sharper focus for students and teachersin encouraging strong, thoughtful writing on all social studies assignments.

1. The Importance of Exploring the Issue

Defining the scope of the issue is challenging for most students. However, workingtoward understanding and explaining the scope and consequence of the issue is auseful means of preparing a focused position and defence. The most successfulstudents are those who understand that by fully exploring the issue, a natural con-text for the defence of position is prepared. Often, students take and defend a posi-tion without having fully explained the nature ofthe issue, its aura of opinion,belief, and assumption, and its importance. Demonstrating an understanding of theissue is closely associated with the development of a strong defence of position.

When exploring an issue, students might find it helpful to ask these questions:

What is the specific meaning of the issue as presented? How is this an issue?What different viewpoints or perepectives exist on the issue? What is thebasis of these viewpoints?What beliefs, assumptions, and principles underlie the range of perspectivesor views?Why is this an important issue to me? What are some possible consequencesto me, to society, to nations, and to the international community if variousapproaches to the issue are undertaken?

2. The Importance of Careful Selection, Interpretation, andApplication of Examples

Students who are most successful in completing the assignment choose examplesjudiciously. They are aware that the evidence forms the substance of the argumentsraised. They understand the importance of selecting specific and relevant detailsfrom the evidence as well as generalizations from the social sciences to form thebasis of arguments made in support of a position. Furthermore, they can integratedetails from the examples and relate these to the issue.

Less successful students tend to sketch the evidence in a generalized way, oftenleaving to the reader the task of establishing a link between the evidence and theargument. This tendency to apply only generalized evidence rather than includingrelevant specific details significantly erodes the range of arguments and limits thedepth of thought.

When choosing examples, students might find it helpful to ask these questions:

What examples relate to this issue? What examples can beapplied to shed light on the issue and on my position?How should I describe and explain my examples? Why?What does my reader need to understand?What are the most important details that support myposition? How much do I need to say to make sure my readerwill see how the examples illustrate my position?

-75-rl 0

Do I need to provide more explanation? What information isnot relevant and can be omitted?What generalizations can I draw from my examples? How canI relate one set of examples to another and to my discussion?How should I organize and arrange the details of myexamples into arguments to provide the most effectivesupport for my position?How can I be sure that my reader understands the importanceof what I want to say?

3. The Importance of Organizing and Ordering.Arguments inSupport of the Position Taken

Students who are most successful in completing the assignment develop and presenta line of argument that has a sense of logical progression. The arguments appear asa chain, each succeeding argument adding further strength to the position taken.The arguments are well supported by the selected evidence. These students alsotend to reinforce their position by developing sound conclusions that effectivelysummarize the critical substance of their arguments. The sophistication of thinkingdisplayed by these students is evident in their successful attempts to qualify andspeculate about the intricacies and consequences of the position. These studentsalso believe in what they are saying. They seem to value the ideas that they arepresenting.

Less successful students provide only broad, generalized arguments that are notsufficiently supported or developed. At times, their arguments lack a focus or arelimited in scope.

In order to develop a well-organized, well-ordered, and fully integrated line of argu-ment in support of the position taken, students might find it helpful to ask thesequestions:

What potential arguments could I use to support my position so that myreader will be convinced that my position has merit?What evidence should I use to support and develop these arguments? Howcan I link the evidence to the arguments?In what order should I put my arguments? Why? Should I start with mystrongest argument? Should I end with it? Should I present both positiveand negative arguments?Am I aware that the evidence I present forms the basis of my arguments?What is the basis of my argumentseconomic, political, ethical, historical,etc.? Is the evidence I present a major or a minor support for my position?What are the consequences of my position? Is my position workable orfeasible?How can I respond to criticisms of my position?How should my arguments be summarized to reinforce the strength of myposition?

4. The Importance of Establishing an Appropriate State of Mind

Students should appreciate that the choices they make in communicating to readersreveal a stance or a state of mind toward the assignment. Students achieving thegreatest success convey a sense of originality and ownership of the task and ideas.The choices made by these students enable them not only to communicate clearly,but to communicate with a sense of confidence in exploring ideas and with a person-alized appreciation for the issue being explored. These students communicate a

-76- (.J

personal involvement in the ideas being pursued. The student's vuice is projectedinto the essay.

Less successful students communicate clearly despite the presence of common writ-ing faults. The choices made by these writers in communicating to the reader reveala methodical, sometimes mechanical, approach to writing that distances the studentfrom the issue being considered. These students seem focused on meeting the chal-lenge but are not actively engaged in independent interpretation of the ideas pre-sented, nor is there evidence of an internalized appreciation of these ideas.

When reflecting on a style of communicating, it might be helpful for students to askthese questions:

Am I communicating clearly and precisely? Will my reader know exactlywhat mean?Am I addressing the task in an artificial, distant manner, or am I projectingmy own understanding and inte:pretation into the essay? Does what I amsaying make good sense to me? Have I helped my reader to see the issuefrom my perspective? Do I sound like a real person?Do I appear interested and involved in the task?Am I in control of the task?Am I maintaining the reader's interest by using effective vocabulary,phrases, and sentences?Am I showing respect for the reader by following the conventions of writtenlanguage?

5. The Importance of Planning, Spend__ g Time on Pre-writingReflection, and Editing and Proofreading

Students who are most successful in approaching the various dimensions of theassignment present a well-organized and integrated essay. These students makechoices about the general organization of the essay, how the issue will be focused,how arguments will be constructed and ordered, what evidence will be brought forth,and how examples will be developed and related to the arguments. There are, ineffect, many choices to be made.

One critical error many students make is to start writing without planning theorganization and progression of the essay. This is undoubtedly because students feelpressured by the complexity of the assignment and by the limited time available tocomplete the task. The time spent developing an overall plan through the use ofconcept maps, graphic organizers, or webbing will pay off. Like the artist who be-gins a drawing with a broad sketch and general outline before filling in the details,the student is usually far more effective working from a plan.

Research shows that although not all students who plan achieve high marks, allstudents who achieve high marks have done some planning. Teachers should note,though, that planning styles tend to be idiosyncraticwhat works for one thinkerdoes not necessarily work for another. Students need to find a planning strategythat works for them.

All students can benefit by carefully proofreading their finished work for errors inspelling, punctuation, and grammar. Errors committed in haste, or through care-lessness, can be easily corrected in the editing and proofreading process.

APPENDIX A

SOCIAL STUDIES 30 WRITTEN-RESPONSE ASSIGNMLM

JUNE 1991

-79- 12 3

WRITTEN RESPONSEESSAY ASSIGNMENT

Choose one of the following issues for your essay. Be sure to indicate your choice inthe space provided on the back cover.

TOPIC A

Many individuals believe that governments must provide industries with financialincentives such as tax concessions and deferments, loans on favorable terms, or evendirect grants. They argue that such measures will encourage economic expansionand will create employment. Others contend that it is not the responsibility ofgovernments to provide financial incentives to the industrial sector. They believethat such revenue can best be used for the public good elsewhere.

Should governments provide financial incentives to industries to stimulateeconomic growth?

In an essay, choose and defend a position on this issue.

or

TOPIC B

During the 20th century, some nations have joined with others to use force againstaggressive states. These nations believe that such action preserves national securityand restores international stability and order. Other nations have been reluctant tooppose aggression militarily, preferring other actions such as diplomacy or economicsanctions. They believe that negotiation rather than force better establishes peaceand stability.

Should nations of the world unite to use military action against anaggressor?

In an essay, choose and defend a position on this issue.

REMINDERS FOR WRITING:

Plan your essay.

Focus on the issue under discussion.

Establish a clear position or thesis that will direct andiinify your essay.

Organize your essay in a manner that will best defend your position.

Defend your position with supportive and specific evidence drawn from yourknowledge of social studies.

Edit and Proofread your writing.

Complete your essay in the space provided. There are pages provided for planningand drafting and for your finished work.

-8k

APPENDIX B

SOCIAL STUDIES 30 WRITTEN - RESPONSE SCORING GUIDE

JUNE 1991

r26

- 83 -

SCORING GUIDE* AND QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER WHEN

SCORING THE DIMENSIONS OF THE ESSAY ASSIGNMENTTOPICS A AND B

L Definition of the Issue (5 marks)

Students will define the issue by identifying different points ofview on the issue

and by thoughtfully discussing assumptions underlying these points of view.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR WHEN SCORING THIS DIMENSION

Requirements

1. Evidence of the scopeof the issue and natureof the disagreement raisedby the issue

2. Thoughtfulness

Questions

Does the writer demonstrate understandingof the issue? DoE., the writer understandwhy the issue is important? Is the writeraware of the dilemma posed by the issue andof the range of choices inherent in the issue?

Does the writer explain the beliefs, principles,and assumptions that may underlie thedifferent views of the issue?

Does the writer relate personal knowledge andunderstanding of the issue to a meaningfulcontext?

Does the writer establish an appropriatecontext for the position taken (thesis) bydemonstrating an awareness of the differentperspectives underlying other positions on the

issue?

The scoring guide presented on the following pages contains the descriptors used during the marking

of the June 1991 written response. Minor changes to these descriptors have been made and can be

seen in the Social Studies 30 Bulletin Update for 1991-92.

- 84 -

SCORING GUIDE: TOPICS A AND B

1. Definition of the Issue (5 marks)

SCORE SCORING DESCRIPTOR

EXCEPTIONAL

The definition of the issue is insightful and mature. Athoughtful and perceptive discussion of the complexity inher-entent in the issue is comprehensively developed Analysis ofthe principles underlying the various positions reveals asophisticated understanding of the complexity of the issue.

(4)PROFICIENT

The definition of the issue is clear and adept. A clear discus-sion of the complexity inherent in the issue is presented indetail. Explanation of the principles underlying the variouspositions reveals a competent understanding of the nature ofthe issue.

SATISFACTORY

The definition of the issue is straightforward and conven-tional. An adequate but generalized discussion on the com-plexity inherent in the issue is presented but may not befully developed. Description of the principles underlying thevariot...o positions reveals an adequate understanding of theissue.

(2)LIMITED

The definition of the issue is incomplete or lacks elaboration.Super ficial discussion of the complexity inherent in the issueis present but lacks development and may stem from inaccu-rate or ill-formed assumptions. Reference to principlesunderlying the various positions is minimal, revealing asuperficial or vague understanding of the issue.

(1)POOR

The definition of the issue is minimal. Discussion of thecomplexity inherent in the issue is disjointed, missing, orinaccurate. Reference to principles underlying the variouspositions is missing or oblique and off-target.

INS

INSUFFICIENT is a special category. It is not an indicator ofquality. It should be assigned to papers that do not containa discernible attempt to address the issue presented in theassignment or are too brief to assess this or any other scor-ing category.

-85-


2. Defence of Position (10 marks)

Students will take and defend a position on the issue by developing and organiz-ing logical and persuasive arguments.


Requirements Questions

1. Evidence of a position Does the writer present a clear positionwith respect to the issue assigned?

2. Logic and Persuasiveness 'Does the writer select appropriate exam-ples or case studies selected to defend his/her position?

Does the writer apply well-chosen andrelevant historical or conteml orary knowl-edge to develop and support the positiontaken rather than reiterating memorizedinformation and facts in the apparent hopethat such facts might support a positicr?

What depth of analysis and elaborationdoes the writer demonstrate?

Does the writer organize related argu-ments?

'Does the writer base arguments on reason,conviction, and scholarship rather than onuniformed belief or unsupported assertionsor both?

Does the writer base arguments on validassumptions and premises that support thecredibility of the conclusicns?

How well does the writer draw a relation-ship between examples or case studiesselected and the position taken?

Does the writer develop the essay logicallyand coherently? Has the writer avoidedirrelevancies, digressions, and redundancies?

- 86 -LO


2. Defence of Position (10 marks)


(5)EXCEPTIONAL

The defence of position is based on convincing and logicalarguments. The case studies or examples chosen areappropriate and judicious to support and develop theposition taken. The arguments presented are consistentand forceful, demonstrating maturity, insight and/ororiginality. The content is ordered and controlled in sucha way as to reinforce the writer's argument.

(4)PROFICIENT

The defence of position is based on well-considered argu-ments. The case studies or examples (evidence) chosenare appropriate to support and develop the positiontaken. There is a clear relationship between the casestudies or examples chosen and the position taken. Thearguments presented are logical, clear, and competentlydeveloped. The content is ordered in such a way that thewriter's argument is clear.

(3)SATISFACTORY

The defence of positan is based on one or more adequatearguments. The case studies or examples (evidence)chosen are appropriate. A relationship between the casestudies and examples chosen and the position taken isestablished. While the arguments arc generally sound,they may lack in persuasiveness and consistency. Thecontent is ordered in such a way that the writer's argu-ment is generally clear and discernible.

(2)LIMITED

The defence of position is based on simple assertionsrather than on development of ideas. The case studies orexamples (evidence) may be related to the issue butunrelated to the position taken, or the relationship be-tween the case studies or examples and the position takenmay be hard to determine. If arguments are presented,they are repetitive, unspecific, contradictory, simplistic,or based on uninformed belief. The content is ordered insuch a way that the writer's argument is contradictory,vague, or redundant.

(1)POOR

The defence of position is weak; i.e., the position taken ishard to determine OR little or no attempts is made todefend it. The case studies or examples chosen may beinappropriate for the position taken. Little or no relation-ship is drawn between the examples or case studieschosen and the position taken. The content is disorgan-ized and leaves in doubt the writer's argument.

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SCOWLING GUIDE: TOPICS A AND B

3. Presentation of Examples or Case Studies (10 marks)

Students will select, accurately develop, and apply relevant social studiesexamples or case studies as evidence to support their position.


Requirements Questic

1. Accuracy

2. Comprehensiveness

How verifiable or factually accurate is theinformation in the selected examples orcase studies?

What breadth or depth of understandingdoes the writer demonstrate by the develop-ment of selected case studies or examples?

Does the writer use the information in thecase studies or examples to qualify judg-ments, form hypotheses, or speculate aboutthe unknown?

NOTE: Examples and case studies from social studies content may be historical orcontemporary and drawn from the study of Canada or other nations. Stu-dents are encouraged to refer to current events in their writing.

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3. Presentation of Examples or Case Studies (10marks)

SCORE --- SCORING DESCRIPTOR

.(5)

EXCEPTIONAL

The examples or case studies selected are relevant andaccurate. Selected evidence is comprehensive and specific,revealing a mature and insightful understanding of contentand its application to the assigned issue.

(4)PROFICIENT

The examples or case studies selected are relevant andaccurate. Selected evidence is purposeful and usuallyspecific, revealing a solid and competent understanding ofcontent and its application to the assigned issue.

(3)SATISFACTORY

The examples or case studies selected are relevant but maycontain some minor factual errors, or there may be a mix-ture of relevant and extraneous information. The selectedevidence is largely conventional, revealing an adequateunderstanding of content and its application to the assignedissue.

(2)LIMITED

The examples or case studies selected are potentially rel-event but contain inaccuracies or extraneous detail. Evi-dence is generalized, unfocused, or inappropriate, revealinga limitedunderstanding of content and its application to theassigned issue.

(1)POOR

,

The examples or case studies selected contain Anajor andrevealing errors. Evidence is either scant or soovergeneralized and inaccurate that it indicates a lack ofunderstanding of content and its application to the assignedissue.

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4. Quality of Language and Expression (5 marks)

Students will communicate clearly and effectively by using appropriatesyntax and vocabulary, and correct or appropriate conventions of language.


Requirements Questions

1. Syntax and Vocabulary

2. Conventions

Does the writer use correct, appropriate,and effective syntax and vocabulary?"Syntax" is the way in which words areput together to form phrases, clauses, orsentences. "Vocabulary' is the collectionof words used, including social studiesterminology.

.Does the writer use correct or appropriategrammar, spelling, capitalization, andpunctuation?

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4. Quality of Language and Expression (5 marks)


(5)EXCEPTIONAL

The writing is skilfully structured and fluent. Vocabularyis appropriate, mature, and precise. Syntax is controlledand varied. The relative absence of error is impressiveunder the circumstances, and minor errors do not detractfrom the clarity or effectiveness of communication.

(4)PROFICIENT

The writing is clear and generally fluent. Vocabulary isappropriate and specific rather than general. Syntax iscontrolled. Minor errors do not detract from the clarity ofcommunication.

(3)SATISFACTORY

The writing is clear. Vocabulary is adequate but moregeneral than specific. Syntax is generally straightforwardbut occasionally awkward. Errors may detract from but donot impede the clarity of communication.

(2)LIMITED

The writing may be unclear or ineffective. Vocabulary isinappropriate, overgeneralized, and/or imprecise. Syntax issimple or frequently awkward. Errors may occasionallyimpede the clarity of communication.

(1)POOR

The writing is often unclear and not fluent. Vocabulary isfrequently inaccurate, generalized, and unclear. Syntax isconfused and uncontrolled. Errors impede the clarity ofcommunication.

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