It is true that a large number of newly graduated and professional people would like to leave their nation to a new one in search for work and better life opportunity. This step would cause various problems and could be tackled through a different ways. There are many problems that are caused by immigration to a new country. Firstly, in most of the cases the process of graduation is time consuming which make it difficult for a native nation to replace the place of these people .For example, it needs about 25 years until the new doctor would graduate from the medical school. Secondly, migration is a risky and costly step which could have very bad consequences as a result of taking danger of crossing the border and risking the current of the ocean, death may be the unhappy result. Finally, even if they reach their new destination they might face various difficult problems such as culture shock, language barrier and difficulty of accessing proper medical care.

There are a number of measures which could help to deal with this problem. Starting from the home country ,governments and the local councils should play their important role ,which may be through providing job opportunities ,employment and other measures to encourage the professional residence stay and do not leave their country. Also, mass media and social media through the internet should try to educate the population not to take the danger and risks of immigration especially by illegal methods. Another important action is that those who manage to reach the new nation should be helped and insured. For example, by providing housing, language course, welfare and proper medical care.

In conclusion, the process of immigration is a risky and dangerous step; both the developing and the developed countries should try to control it.

Comments:

Strengths WeaknessesA clear introduction and conclusion.

A well-developed argument.

Excellent vocabulary (excellent collocation – ‘face problems; provide opportunities; illegal methods’ etc. and a very good standard of grammar – 7 / 7.5

Very good cohesion- ‘firstly; secondly; as a result of; even if; for example; another important action’.

There are not many mistakes. I would say that the errors relate to grammar and word choice:

Repetition – ‘replace the place’ – you do not need the word place here.

Word choice – ‘step’ – choice; ‘native’ – ‘nation of origin’; ‘process of graduation’ – ‘educational process’.

Verb + preposition – ‘encourage someone to’.

Plural nouns – no use of ‘a’ or ‘the’ with plural nouns – ‘a different ways’.

Adjectives and nouns - ‘most cases; taking dangerous crossings over…’

Overall score –7.5