do you feel guilty of pleasing yourself

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Do You Feel Guilty Of Pleasing Yourself?

Written by Sen on October 14th, 2011

At the heart of every person who is not aligned with himself/herself (and thus has issues of low

self-esteem, low confidence etc) is the thought pattern of guilt about aligning with their joy. Feeling

guilty about being oriented towards ones joy, or pleasure, is at the root of all inner conflicts and

misalignments. Its so common to find people who are focused, all the time, on catering to someone elses

approval instead of having the courage to line up with their own joy.

People who try to please others while denying their own interests may try to justify their behavior by

labeling themselves as being Selfless but thats just a cloak of denial they are hiding under when intruth they are just lacking the courage and understanding to align with themselves. If you feel guilty about

pleasing yourself its a given that your present reality is not one of joy or abundance but one of struggle,

lack, neediness and conflict this is not a guess but a fact, because law of attraction can only respond to

your inner vibration and a person who feels guilty about orienting with their joy is always vibrating in

lack or fear.

Sacrificing your joy is not a noble way of life

It seems like our society panders to the notion of being selfless enough to sacrifice our joy for the sake

of others they deem such behavior as noble or elevated. But if you really look within you will notice

that such a behavior reeks of a dis-connected way of living where you are going against the natural

movement of your mind (which is always towards its own well-being/joy) to give pleasure to others, or to

make someone else feel good. Its one thing to help others because it brings us joy, and its totally a

different thing to help others while sacrificing our joy. You need to be authentic/honest within yourself to

know if your behavior is tuned towards your joy or towards a disconnection with your joy.

Whether you like it or not, the natural make-up of your mind is wired to selfishly look out for its joy if it

was not selfishly oriented it would stop making an effort to survive, it would stop seeking to eat or breath

or procreate. Its only because of its selfish orientation to want to survive, and enjoy itself, that it keeps

the body together.

People seem to find the word selfish extremely negative but if you look realistically, you will notice

that each cell in your body is selfish or else it will stop seeking nourishment for itself and it would stop

wanting to thrive or survive. The reason why people find the word selfish as being negative is because

they immediately assume that selfishness entails causing suffering to others in order to please oneself. But

in truth, if someone feels bad because you decide to line-up with your joy, it just means that they are

disconnected with themselves and are trying to victimize you for their happiness. Also, exploitation of

any form comes from a hate based vibration within, and a person who is aligned with his/her joy does not

ever vibrate in hate.

Its people who try to act selfless that are usually passive aggressive within and carry a victim

mentality. They are usually rooted in low self-esteem and try to compensate for it by getting approval

from others by trying to please them. In truth, they are just not self loving enough to align with their

You Feel Guilty Of Pleasing Yourself? http://www.calmdownmind.com/guilty-of-pleasing-yourself/

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own joy and so its easy for them to sacrifice their joy for others theres nothing really noble about it.

Such people are quick to point out that its bad to align selfishly with ones joy because they feel guilty

within of orienting with their own joy. To orient with ones own joy is a highly positive behavior and it

always attract a reality of abundance and well-being towards such a person.

The mindset of a victim behavior

A person who is a people pleaser is always rooted in a victim behavior and if you ask him/her theywould tell you their victim story quite freely. They would tell you how ungrateful people are, they

would tell you about how much they have tried to give pleasure to others but were never reciprocated in

the same way, they complain about the unfairness in this world, they would wallow in self-pity, they

would tell you of their failed relationships where they sacrificed their happiness to please their partner

who never seemed appreciative of it, they would tell you of how they always get cheated on and how they

are used by others. They fail to realize that they are attracting such realities onto themselves because

they are disconnected with their own self and are trying to compensate for this disconnection by

seeking love/approval outside them.

If you try to please others, while sacrificing your own joy, you will live out a life of feeling victimizedand exploited, because thats the only reality you can attract from such a vibrational stand point. Its not

your job to make others happy, its their job to find their happiness, your job is to align with your

happiness. Only when you are aligned with your happiness can you be an expression of happiness into

this world this is what true benevolence is all about. You can never bring benevolence into this world

by focusing on making others happy while denying your own happiness. If you are not happy, you really

have nothing to give this world anyway because you will only be perpetuating your unhappiness into this

world.

Its totally okay to give pleasure to others if doing so gives pleasure to you, but just make sure you are not

hiding under the cloak denial where you are trying to please others at the cost of your own happiness.

Being oriented to your joy does not entail exploiting others

A person who is truly in love with himself/herself would never seek to exploit someone else because an

inner love always manifests as outer love. Its only a person who feels fear/hatred within that tries to

exploit others under the false hope that he/she would somehow be well off from it. Your joy is not

dependent on exploiting others, your joy will come forth in abundance from the universe if you line up

with it. You dont have to make someone poor in order for you to be rich, thats just a highly nave and

misplaced thinking based in lack and hate. Richness, in every aspect and form, will come forth from

this universe once you line up with your joy in a simple state of self-love.

The paradox is that when you become selfishly oriented towards your own happiness/joy, you

automatically become a source of joy for others. The abundance that you attract from this place of joy is

something that everyone around you can share in, but this abundance cant come forth if you are not

oriented towards your joy in the first place. Orient yourself towards pleasing yourself first instead of

focusing on pleasing others, align with your interest first instead of looking to fulfill others interests. If

you are not lined-up with yourself, you cannot ever bring forth your natural expression into this world and

thus would never feel successful or fulfilled within you.

A lot of people try to give the example of Mother Teresa to defend the behavior of sacrifice. Itsimportant to have a clear perspective on this. Mother Teresa helped the impoverished children because

she found joy in it. This was the work that brought her joy and so she immersed herself in it. She was not

sacrificing herself but rather expressing her joy, and living her joy, through her work. One just had to look


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at her to know that she felt truly joyful about what she was doing and there was no sense of sacrifice in

her. Stop using her as an example to defend sacrificing your happiness for others because it would be a

misplaced interpretation on your part. Do what brings joy to you, dont do something just to please

others it can challenging to orient with your joy if youve been brought up in a mindset of sacrifice, but

this is a negative mindset that you need to let go of to allow a deeper alignment with yourself.

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5 comments

101says:October 14, 2011 at 11:57 pm

How do you really start?

Reply

Sensays:

October 15, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Its all about aligning with yourself. To do so you need to really get to know yourself in every

aspect, by bringing in a deep awareness into your inner space, and allow an alignment with

your mind/heart. Its a love affair with yourself, a deep unconditional alignment with the

natural make-up and orientation of your human expression as this physical being. This

process of alignment can be quite challenging because one needs to shed a lot judgments and

limiting external conditioning to really line up with ones heart and also to line up with the

movement of your life stream towards the manifestation of your desired realities which are

congruent with your way of being.

Petersays:

February 21, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Once more: Thanks!!!! I needed this. I was brought up with this wrong notion. My mother evenmentions my grandfather that married a woman that he didnt love (never loved until his death),

leaving his great love behind, because his parents didnt like her and her family. My mother

mentions this as something heroic to strive for.really sad.

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Thank you for clearing my mind in such a powerful and yet simple way!!!!

Reply

Janesays:

July 23, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Hi, Sen,

I led a painful life as a people pleaser for 40 years. Until last month I found out the word people

pleaser and after doing some research realized that this is a disease. And I could not figure out

what is wrong with my life and how I get this kind of mentality and behaviour. Sometimes my

behaviors is very obsessive and compulsive. Have no way to escape out even with suicidal

thoughts. Could you guide me how to get out of this night mare? How to align with myself?

Thank you deeply.

Jane

ReplySensays:

July 31, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Jane, a few posts you can start with to gain an understanding of the process of allowing

(which is needed to release the mind momentum) are as below

http://www.calmdownmind.com/reaching-a-place-of-total-allowing/

http://www.calmdownmind.com/allowing-the-release-of-suppressed-energy/

http://www.calmdownmind.com/healing-the-imbalance/

http://www.calmdownmind.com/overcoming-obsessive-thoughts/

You can read these posts plus others on this blog and thus gain an understanding of the

mechanics of mind/emotional momentum which is the cause of fear-based behaviors like

being a people pleaser. With the right understanding you will be in a position to start bringing

the required inner balance.

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