DNOW 2015:THE LEADERS GUIDE

O ES RL

DNOW 2015: Loser

I. BirthrightsGod has always had a plan to create a good and beautiful world where humanity and our Creator can live together in love. When Adam’s re-bellion corrupted that world and opened the door for sin, suffering and death to enter the world, God put into action His secret rescue plan to redeem and renew the world through one man: Abraham. The plan was that God promised to bless Abraham, and through him to bless the whole world. Abraham’s part was simple: he just had to trust that God would do what He said He would do. We call that faith. And the first thing God said He would do is give Abraham a son...even though Abe and his wife, Sarah, were in their 90s. And sure enough, they did. They had their first baby when they should have been great grandparents, and they called him Isaac.

Well, actually it wasn’t Abraham’s first baby. In a moment of weakness, he and Sarah had stopped trusting God and tried to take matters in their own hands. Sarah gave Abraham a “hall pass” and he had baby with Sarah’s servant girl, a boy they named Ishmael. But God didn’t want a do-it-yourself plan. He wanted a faith plan. So He said, ‘kick Ishmael out. I’ll bless him in his own way, but he’s not the one through whom the Promise is going to come. Isaac is. He gets the birthright, the promise, the bless-ing of God.’

Which brings us to where our real story for this weekend begins. Isaac grows up, gets married to a girl named Rebekah, and guess what? Re-bekah is barren, too, just like Sarah. She can’t have kids. How is this bless-ing ever going to get here? But Isaac seems to have learned something from his dad’s mistakes. He doesn’t go off trying to have a kids some other way. He just prays. And God answers his prayer, heals Rebekah, and nine months later, a baby is on the way.

Or actually, two babies. Twins. Not identical twins; you know, the kind that wear matching clothes and finish each other sentences. No, these two guys are complete opposites. And they can’t stand each other. Right there in their mama’s womb, they start fighting. So Rebekah is like, what in the world is going on in there? It’s like a war inside my belly. God hears her question and somehow, perhaps through an angel, He answers her. “Here’s the deal,” God says. “There are two nations in your womb. One is going to be stronger than the other. And the older will serve the young-er.”

So where did that come from? Normally--throughout history, in almost

every culture, including the culture of Isaac and Rebekah--the oldest child is the leader, the one in charge, the one who is going to take over the family business when dad dies. It’s kind of the way of the world. In case you think that’s just a thing of the past, consider this: the vast majority of U.S. Presidents have been the oldest son in their family. The same is true of NASA Astronauts and Nobel Peace Prize winners.

Why does God reverse the order? Was it because the older did some-thing wrong and was being punished? Not at all. The New Testament actually speaks to this question. Paul wrote this to the church in Rome:

“This son was our ancestor Isaac. When he married Rebekah, she gave birth to twins. But before they were born, before they had done anything good or bad, she received a message from God. (This message shows that God chooses people according to his own purposes; he calls people, but not according to their good or bad works.) She was told, “Your older son will serve your younger son.” Rom. 9:10-12

Remember, this was no ordinary family. God wasn’t just stepping in to pick who got the family farm. He is working out a rescue plan for the whole world. And He wants everyone to know, you don’t get God’s blessing by working for it. You get it simply because of His mercy. That’s what Paul goes on to tell the Romans:

“Are we saying, then, that God was unfair? Of course not! For God said to Moses, “I will show mercy to anyone I choose, and I will show compassion to anyone I choose.” So it is God who decides to show mercy.” We can neither choose it nor work for it.” Rom. 9:14-16

So here’s Rebekah, with the Battle of the Century going on in her womb. The day comes for the big push. Out come the two babies: the first one is all red and hairy, so they call him Esau, which means “red and hairy.” The other all smooth and sweet. He’s second, but not by much. In fact, he’s grabbing hold of his brother’s heel, as if to say, “come back here, you, I want to be first, I’m not letting you go!” So they name him Jacob which means “heel grabber.”

How’d you like to go through life with the name heel grabber? It’s like he’s got a t-shirt on that says, “Me, too.” Now, remember what the prophecy was. One brother will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger. Scripture doesn’t actually say which brother was stronger. We tend to assume that the one in charge is stronger, and the one who serves is weaker. But I’m pretty sure from everything we read that in Jacob and Esau’s case, Esau was by far the stronger. First we’ve got that weird thing about Esau being all hairy and Jacob being smooth skinned, which sort of implies Esau is more typically “manly.” We’re also told that Esau loves the outdoors and going hunting, but Jacob likes to stay home in

the kitchen and cook. With mom. I’m not saying guys can’t cook. I’m just saying, we’re starting to see a pattern here.

So one day Esau comes in from the field with his bow and arrow, and I guess he didn’t catch anything because he’s hungry. Starving, he says. And Jacob has just been cooking up a batch of really, really good smell-ing stew. So Esau says, “Hey, little brother, give me some of that.” Some-thing tells me he didn’t say “please.” And what does Jacob say? Do you think he says, “Sure thing, big brother, I’ll be glad to share with you, I’m just here to serve you!” Not a chance. Not the Heel-Grabber. He may be the weaker one. He may be the second. But he’s not letting go. He’s not giving up. He’s been fighting with this guy since before they were born, and Esau always, always, always wins. But Jacob doesn’t quit.

See, he’s been watching Esau. Observing the enemy. Looking for weak-nesses. And there’s one thing he’s seen: Esau has no patience. He doesn’t go for delayed gratification. He’s one of those see it, want it, get it kind of guys. So Jacob says, “sure, you can have some soup...if you’ll sell me your birthright.” The right to be the family leader. The right to the first share of dad’s wealth. Worth a lot more than a bowl of McSoup. But Esau doesn’t hesitate: “you can have it; what use is a birthright if I die before I can use it?” he says. Boom. Sold. Auction is over. The deal is done.

The book of Hebrews in the Bible says, “Watch out for the Esau syn-drome: trading away God’s lifelong gift in order to satisfy a short-term appetite. You well know how Esau later regretted that impulsive act and wanted God’s blessing—but by then it was too late, tears or no tears.” (Heb. 12:15-16 MSG)

So is this a morality story? Is the whole point, “don’t be impatient”? Is the lesson we’re supposed to get, “you’d better learn some self control or you’re going to make stupid decisions in life?” Well, yes, if you don’t learn self control, you will make some stupid decisions.

But that is not the point of this story. Remember, God already chose Ja-cob to be the leader, before they were ever born, before they did any-thing good or bad. The way it comes about is through Esau going stew crazy, but that is secondary.

To really understand the point, let’s stop thinking for a minute about Esau vs. Jacob. Let’s put ourselves in the position of Rebekah, back when she was pregnant. She’s got a promise inside of her, right? The promise of God. The rescue plan for the whole world. She’s got a birthright inside of her. But there are two parts insider her, struggling. And everyone thinks, everyone assumes, the birthright is going to the one who is FIRST. The birthright is going to the one who is STRONG. And God is saying no, no, no, I say it’s going to the weak, the last, the LOSER.

And here’s the bottom line for you. You’re just like Rebekah. You’ve got a

birthright inside you. You’ve got a promise from God. You’ve got a bless-ing that’s yours. You’ve got a role to play in the rescue plan. You’re part of something bigger than yourself. But you’ve got this struggle in your head. It’s a war inside your heart. There is this strong, powerful, perfect, beautiful part of you that you think is it, this is the way, this is the answer, if I can just keep this part first, if I can just show everyone my strong side, if I can make them like me, if I can always WIN, then I will get the blessing. But you’ve also got this weak, broken, imperfect, ugly part of you that you think you need to hide, you think you need to keep it down, you think you need to keep it quiet, you think I wish it would just go away.

And God has this shocking message for you this weekend. It’s that part of you. The Jacob part. The heel grabber. The loser. That’s the part that’s going get the birthright.

Because nobody earns the birthright. It’s all a gift. A gift we call grace.

Discussion Questions Session 1

1. When you look around the world, does it seem like the “Esaus” are getting the “birthright”? In other words, does it seem like the rich people make the rules, the pretty people get the love, and the strong rule over the weak?

2. Who do you know that is like more like Jacob than Esau? What does that look like in today’s world?

3. Have you ever felt like a Jacob?

4. Do you think of yourself as blessed by God? Are you special to Him? Have you ever thought about yourself as part of God’s plan to rescue the world? Why or why not?

5. What expectations do you have for this weekend? What is God saying to you now?

II. SchemerLast time we learned about the blessing that was promised to Abraham for the whole world, the rescue plan for God’s good and beautiful cre-ation, and the birthright that was promised to Jacob to accomplish that plan by God’s grace. But we also saw that the heel-grabber didn’t seem to understand what was already his.

Last time we left Jacob he had bought Esau’s birthright off him for a pot of gumbo. The next time we meet Jacob his dad, Isaac, has gotten really old. So old he can’t see anymore. And he knows he’s about to die. Now, to be honest, it could be that this blindness is not only physical, it’s also spiritual, because even though God had said the older would serve the younger, and even though Esau had sold the birthright to Jacob, Isaac still calls Esau in when he knows he’s going to kick the can and says, “Hey, go out hunting and get me some of my favorite food, you know I can’t say no to some good deer meat; bring it back here and I’ll give you my blessing.”

Maybe, it’s possible, Isaac was oblivious to the whole thing. Maybe his wife Rebekah never told him about the older/younger thing. Maybe the whole stew incident was just between the bros. And it was traditional for the older brother to get the blessing. But you kind of get the feeling anyway that Isaac has some favoritism going on here. We already know that Esau was the big hunter. He always wears a camo robe; he uses ant-lers in all of his decorating. And here’s Isaac, on his death bed, craving some wild game. Maybe he and Esau used to go out and hunt together when he was younger. Maybe they sort of forgot about little brother back home. Maybe that’s why Jacob ends up so close to his mom. Imagine for a moment what that might feel like: to watch your dad and your brother leave weekend after weekend before dawn on Saturday, and never get invited. To see them come back in together at sun down, dirty and tired from a day in the field, but laughing together at inside jokes. Jokes you never get to be a part of. But you’re his son, too, right? How does that feel if you’re Jacob? Do you get mad at your dad? Do you get mad at your brother? Or do you internalize it, blame yourself, feel like maybe there must be something wrong with you?

And all the while, mom is watching, and she starts to kind of take sides with her younger son—you know, the “baby.” Here’s what the Bible says:

One day when Isaac was old and turning blind, he called for Esau, his older son, and said, “My son.”

“Yes, Father?” Esau replied.

“I am an old man now,” Isaac said, “and I don’t know when I may die. Take your bow and a quiver full of arrows, and go out into the open country to hunt some wild game for me. Prepare my fa-

vorite dish, and bring it here for me to eat. Then I will pronounce the blessing that belongs to you, my firstborn son, before I die.”

But Rebekah overheard what Isaac had said to his son Esau. So when Esau left to hunt for the wild game, she said to her son Ja-cob, “Listen. I overheard your father say to Esau, ‘Bring me some wild game and prepare me a delicious meal. Then I will bless you in the Lord’s presence before I die.’ Now, my son, listen to me. Do exactly as I tell you. Go out to the flocks, and bring me two fine young goats. I’ll use them to prepare your father’s favorite dish. Then take the food to your father so he can eat it and bless you before he dies.” (Genesis 27:1-10 NLT)

So mom’s got a plan: we’re gonna lie to dad. Trick him into the deal. She knows how to cook things up just right to make Isaac happy. But Jacob spots the big problem. What if dad catches on? The scripture continues:

“But look,” Jacob replied to Rebekah, “my brother, Esau, is a hairy man, and my skin is smooth. What if my father touches me? He’ll see that I’m trying to trick him, and then he’ll curse me in-stead of blessing me.”

But his mother replied, “Then let the curse fall on me, my son! Just do what I tell you. Go out and get the goats for me!”

So Jacob went out and got the young goats for his mother. Re-bekah took them and prepared a delicious meal, just the way Isaac liked it. Then she took Esau’s favorite clothes, which were there in the house, and gave them to her younger son, Jacob. She covered his arms and the smooth part of his neck with the skin of the young goats. Then she gave Jacob the delicious meal, including freshly baked bread.” (Genesis 27:11-17 NLT)

So Jacob goes in undercover. Literally, under cover of goat fur. That’s not weird. So here’s how it goes down:

So Jacob took the food to his father. “My father?” he said.

“Yes, my son,” Isaac answered. “Who are you—Esau or Jacob?”

Jacob replied, “It’s Esau, your firstborn son. I’ve done as you told me. Here is the wild game. Now sit up and eat it so you can give me your blessing.”

Isaac asked, “How did you find it so quickly, my son?”

“The Lord your God put it in my path!” Jacob replied.

Then Isaac said to Jacob, “Come closer so I can touch you and make sure that you really are Esau.” So Jacob went closer to his father, and Isaac touched him. “The voice is Jacob’s, but the

hands are Esau’s,” Isaac said. But he did not recognize Jacob, be-cause Jacob’s hands felt hairy just like Esau’s. So Isaac prepared to bless Jacob. “But are you really my son Esau?” he asked.

“Yes, I am,” Jacob replied.

Then Isaac said, “Now, my son, bring me the wild game. Let me eat it, and then I will give you my blessing.” So Jacob took the food to his father, and Isaac ate it. He also drank the wine that Jacob served him. Then Isaac said to Jacob, “Please come a little closer and kiss me, my son.”

So Jacob went over and kissed him. And when Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he was finally convinced, and he blessed his son. He said, “Ah! The smell of my son is like the smell of the outdoors, which the Lord has blessed!

There it is again, Isaac loves hunting. You don’t sound like Esau, but you feel like Esau, and you smell like Esau. And Jacob is totally into the lie now; did you notice he just brought God into the trick? “Oh, the Lord gave me a deer.” Wow. So here we go, here’s the blessing:

“From the dew of heaven

and the richness of the earth,

may God always give you abundant harvests of grain

and bountiful new wine.

May many nations become your servants,

and may they bow down to you.

May you be the master over your brothers,

and may your mother’s sons bow down to you.

All who curse you will be cursed,

and all who bless you will be blessed.” (Genesis 27:28-29 NLT)

Not a bad blessing, is it? Heaven, earth, grain, wine, all the nations, all your brothers, that pretty much covers it. You get it all. Which explains Esau’s reaction when he gets back home:

As soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, and almost before Jacob had left his father, Esau returned from his hunt. Esau pre-pared a delicious meal and brought it to his father. Then he said, “Sit up, my father, and eat my wild game so you can give me your blessing.”

But Isaac asked him, “Who are you?”

Esau replied, “It’s your son, your firstborn son, Esau.”

Isaac began to tremble uncontrollably and said, “Then who just served me wild game? I have already eaten it, and I blessed him just before you came. And yes, that blessing must stand!”

When Esau heard his father’s words, he let out a loud and bitter cry. “Oh my father, what about me? Bless me, too!” he begged.

But Isaac said, “Your brother was here, and he tricked me. He has taken away your blessing.”

Esau exclaimed, “No wonder his name is Jacob, for now he has cheated me twice. First he took my rights as the firstborn, and now he has stolen my blessing. Oh, haven’t you saved even one blessing for me?”

Isaac said to Esau, “I have made Jacob your master and have de-clared that all his brothers will be his servants. I have guaranteed him an abundance of grain and wine—what is left for me to give you, my son?”

Esau pleaded, “But do you have only one blessing? Oh my father, bless me, too!” Then Esau broke down and wept. (Genesis 27:30-38 NLT)

Well, the Bible says from then on Esau hated Jacob. So much that he planned to murder him. Not now, not while dad is still alive, but he swears to himself he’s going to take Jacob out as soon as Isaac is gone. He’s so angry he talks to himself about it all the time, and mom hears him. She warns Jacob that he better get out of there, fast.

So off Jacob goes, with nothing, by himself, leaving the country in a hur-ry. From that day on, Jacob is a schemer. He and mom came up with the scheme to trick dad. Next he has a scheme to get a wife. He has a scheme to get a job. He has a scheme to get rich. He even has a scheme for dealing with God.

At one point he has a dream, and in the dream he sees God. And God promises to protect him and take care of him and bless him. So when Jacob wakes up, he makes a promise to God, and he says, “God, if you will make me rich, and keep me safe, and bring me back to this coun-try one day, I’ll give you 10%!” Like God needs Jacob’s money. And did you notice the “if”? “If God does what He said He would do, I’ll pay my tithes.” Like there’s any question God is going to keep His Word? But that’s who Jacob is. That’s how he sees things. He’s the heel-grabber. He’s the schemer.

And here’s the thing: it works for him. The schemes work. He gets mar-ried. He has kids. He gets rich. He comes back. Success. Victory. I love it

when a plan comes together.

But there’s only one problem: Jacob’s not Jacob anymore, is he? Let’s go back to the moment when all this started. He’s in front of his father. He wants the blessing so bad he can taste it. And Isaac says to him, “who are you?” and what does he say? “Esau. I’m Esau.”

He got the blessing. But he got it as somebody else.

Now here’s the question for you: What’s your scheme? What name are you going by, that’s not really who you are? What mask are you wearing? Because we all wear one, don’t we?

Maybe your scheme is, you’re the cool guy. Nothing’s a big deal to you. You don’t show emotion. You’ve been there and done that. You wear your sunglasses at night. And everybody loves it. They think you’re awesome. All the girls dig you, all the guys envy you. But you can’t ever take that mask off, can you? Once you’ve built the persona, you have to keep it up. You can’t ever let it down. And that gets so tiring.

Or maybe your scheme is you’re the happy girl. You always smile and you always laugh. You’re lots of fun. You’re excited about everything. Every-body loves a happy girl. Until she’s not happy.

Maybe your scheme is you’re the class clown. You turn everything into a joke. You’re hilarious. You don’t take anything seriously. Even yourself.

Maybe your scheme is you’re the rebel. You’re always angry. You nev-er follow the rules. You only wear black, or sometimes very dark grey. If anybody gets too close, you push them away. You don’t need anyone, anyway. Do you?

Maybe your scheme is to be the best at sports, or academics, or music, or art.

Adults, you have a scheme too, don’t you? Is it success in business? Is it having the perfect family, the perfect home? Is it getting more and better stuff?

Or maybe, just maybe, your scheme is to be the spiritual one. The biggest worshipper. The Jesus freak. To follow all the rules, better than anyone else.

How’s that going for you? Is it working? I’m not going to tell you “don’t scheme because it doesn’t work.” It does work, for lots of people. At least, for a while.

But do you ever get tired of the mask? Does it ever scare you to think, would the people who like me, still like me if I stop doing what I’m do-ing? Would the people who love me, still love me if they knew the real me? Would God still love me if I messed up?

It worked for Jacob. The only problem was, he lost being Jacob. He had

to be Esau. I wonder if that’s part of what Jesus meant when he said,

“what does it profit a man, if he gains the whole world, but loses his

soul?” What’s the point, if you lose your identity?

So who are you tonight? Are you Jacob? Or are you Esau?

Discussion Questions Session 2

1. What are some of the masks you’ve seen people wear to try to

get acceptance or approval from someone?

2. Have you ever felt under-appreciated, misunderstood, or left

out? How did you respond?

3. What are some of the schemes you have used, or the masks you

have worn? Are you willing to say you are wearing one right now?

4. What could it look like for someone to drop the mask and simply

be authentic and real? What could they lose? What could they

gain?

NOTE: Consider these questions a jumping off point for deeper

discussions with your group. After looking over these questions,

begin to plan out the direction of your conversation. Ask yourself,

“how can I get the students in my group to see God’s truth and be

open to share their hearts?” Depending on where they are at, it may

take time to develop the trust level to be honest about the masks they

are wearing, and/or what is keeping them from taking those masks off

to become real and authentic in Christ.

III. WrestlingSometimes all of life comes down to a moment. A point in time where you finally have to deal with everything you’ve been running from. Sort of a put up or shut up experience. Tonight we’re going to look at exactly that moment in Jacob’s life.

We’ve already seen how Jacob comes into this world with this whole ques-tion over his head about who gets the birthright, who gets the blessing, is it who God says is blessed, or is it whoever is the strongest, whoever is the winner. We’ve also seen how Jacob develops a scheme, a strategy, an angle on how to get ahead, how to compete, how to be the winner that he wants to be, but also how that scheme has caused him to deny something fundamental about who he really is. It’s a mask. It’s a fake. And sooner or later, the real Jacob’s got to come out.

Because here’s the thing. Every scheme eventually fails. Every mask even-tually breaks. Not only because our schemes are human schemes and they aren’t perfect, but also because God simply loves you too much to keep letting you try to be someone He didn’t make you to be. So God, in His love and mercy, will literally go to war with you and come after you and destroy you. He will suit up and declare war and come to crush you.

Does that shock you? Does that not fit with the lovey-dovey image you have of sweet Jesus? But you see, God loves you exactly the way you are, but He also loves you too much to leave you the way you are, and He knows that to pry that mask off your face and uncover the real you so that He can bless you, He’s going to have to completely break you down to build you back up. To put it another way, He’s going to nail you to a cross so that He can raise the real you from the dead.

But if you don’t believe me, just watch what He does with Jacob.

So the time has finally come for Jacob to go home. He’s gotten married, had kids, gotten pretty rich, and things are getting tricky for him in his adopted land. He knows he can’t stay any longer or things are going to fall apart. So he packs everything up, slips out in the dead of night, and sneaks back home.

But if Jacob thought after all these years maybe big brother has just forgotten about all the bad blood of the past, he quickly finds out he’s wrong. Jacob has barely gotten past the border when he gets a message: your brother Esau is on his way, and he’s got 400 men with him.

He’s about to find out that “one does not simply walk into Israel.” 400 men ain’t no welcome wagon. 400 men aren’t carrying casseroles and pound cakes. 400 men is “I have waited for the day that I could hunt you down and kill everyone you love, eat you alive and spit out your bones,

and that day is finally here, little brother.”

Here’s where the story picks up in Genesis 32:

After delivering the message, the messengers returned to Jacob and reported, “We met your brother, Esau, and he is already on his way to meet you—with an army of 400 men!” Jacob was ter-rified at the news.

You think?! But you know Jacob, he always has a scheme, so here it comes:

He divided his household, along with the flocks and herds and camels, into two groups. He thought, “If Esau meets one group and attacks it, perhaps the other group can escape.” (Gen. 32:6-8 NLT)

There’s the plan; split up and run. At least maybe only half my family will get killed. And then he brings his deal to God:

Then Jacob prayed, “O God of my grandfather Abraham, and God of my father, Isaac—O Lord, you told me, ‘Return to your own land and to your relatives.’ And you promised me, ‘I will treat you kindly.’ I am not worthy of all the unfailing love and faith-fulness you have shown to me, your servant. When I left home and crossed the Jordan River, I owned nothing except a walking stick. Now my household fills two large camps! O Lord, please rescue me from the hand of my brother, Esau. I am afraid that he is coming to attack me, along with my wives and children. But you promised me, ‘I will surely treat you kindly, and I will multiply your descendants until they become as numerous as the sands along the seashore—too many to count.’” (9-12)

It’s like he’s saying, “look God, you told me to do this! And you promised to take care of me. I’ll admit, you really blessed me; you did good so far, God, but I kind of need you to keep it up!” I can hear some genuine faith in Jacob’s prayer. He’s really struggling to believe. But I also feel this des-peration in his voice. This grasping at God, like, “I’m not really sure; I’m not sure if you love me, not sure if you even like me, not sure that you’re going to come through, so I’ve got to do my best to talk you into it.”

But after praying that prayer, Jacob’s still got one more scheme. Remem-ber he bought his birthright from Esau a long time ago for a pot of stew, so now he’s going to go back to the money plan, only this time he’s going to try to buy his life.

Jacob stayed where he was for the night. Then he selected these gifts from his possessions to present to his brother, Esau: 200 fe-male goats, 20 male goats, 200 ewes, 20 rams, 30 female camels with their young, 40 cows, 10 bulls, 20 female donkeys, and 10 male donkeys. He divided these animals into herds and assigned

each to different servants. Then he told his servants, “Go ahead of me with the animals, but keep some distance between the herds.” He gave these instructions to the men leading the first group: “When my brother, Esau, meets you, he will ask, ‘Whose servants are you? Where are you going? Who owns these ani-mals?’ You must reply, ‘They belong to your servant Jacob, but they are a gift for his master Esau. Look, he is coming right behind us.’” Jacob gave the same instructions to the second and third herdsmen and to all who followed behind the herds: “You must say the same thing to Esau when you meet him. And be sure to say, ‘Look, your servant Jacob is right behind us.’” Jacob thought, “I will try to appease him by sending gifts ahead of me. When I see him in person, perhaps he will be friendly to me.” (13-20)

So all his life he’s been trying NOT to be Esau’s servant. He stole the blessing from Esau that said God would make Esau his servant. But now he’s going to send cash money to the guy by three different messengers and make sure all of them say over and over, “Jacob is your servant.” Um hmm. So when all the scheming is done, all the money is paid out, Jacob ends up all by himself.

So the gifts were sent on ahead, while Jacob himself spent that night in the camp. Picture it now as it grows dark. You’ve kissed the last child goodbye and watched them walk off into the sunset. The stars begin to pop out overhead. There’s no sound at all but the wind blowing.

During the night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two servant wives, and his eleven sons and crossed the Jabbok River with them. After taking them to the other side, he sent over all his possessions. This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came... (22-24)

OK, stop right there. A man came. Jacob is all alone. He’s in need. He has asked God to bless him. And a man came. What does he do? Does he offer to help Jacob? Does he promise that God will protect him? No, keep reading.

This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wres-tled with him until the dawn began to break. (24)

I told you, God doesn’t always show up with lovey-dovey, touchy feely help. We’re going to find out that this man is God—God’s angel, or may-be even Jesus in a pre-incarnation experience, there are several ways of understanding it, but bottom line, God shows up and he attacks Jacob!

When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket. Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” (25-26)

Jacob has been wrestling all of his life. He literally started wrestling before he was born. He came out of the womb grabbing on to his brothers heel. So one thing he knows how to do is hang on and not let go. Not for five minutes. Not for half an hour or an hour. They wrestle all night long, until the dawn begins to break across the East. And when Jacob won’t just give in, the man touches Jacob with power and cripples his hip, and Jacob still won’t let go. “Not until you bless me.”

I think God honors that. I think God honors the ones who just won’t let go. You don’t know all the answers. You don’t know how to fix it. You don’t know the right words to pray or the right thing to do to heal the hurt in-side you but you know you want something, something more, something of God inside you and you just won’t let go. “Not until you bless me.”

Now here it is.

“What is your name?” the man asked. He replied, “Jacob.” (27)

He’s been blessed once before, by his father. But when Isaac asked him, “who are you”, he said, “Esau.” And that wasn’t enough. That’s never enough. Getting the blessing at the cost of being who you really are is never enough. Now Jacob’s got hold of God and he wants that blessing, the real blessing, and God wants to know, “OK, who are you? Who are you, really?” And Jacob finally just says it. “I am Jacob.”

He must have thought, “That’s it. I’ve lost my chance. I’ll never get the blessing now. Everyone knows Jacob is the second born. Everyone knows Jacob is the smooth skinned one. Everyone knows Jacob is the weak one. Everyone knows Jacob is the loser. And I’m Jacob.”

And God says,

“Your name will no longer be Jacob,” the man told him. “From now on you will be called Israel, because you have fought with God and with men and have won.” (28)

You have won! You have wrestled with Esau and with God and you have won! And you aren’t Jacob any more. You aren’t the heel grabber. You aren’t the schemer. You aren’t the mask. You aren’t the false identity. You are Israel. The chosen one of God.

“Please tell me your name,” Jacob said. “Why do you want to know my name?” the man replied. Then he blessed Jacob there. (29)

He blessed him. We think we want to know God. We think we need to understand everything about Him. We think we need to study Him and know His name. But what we really need is to tell Him our name, our real name, and let Him tell us our name in return. We’ll find out we already know everything about God’s name that we need to know.

Jacob named the place Peniel (which means “face of God”), for he said, “I have seen God face to face, yet my life has been spared.” The sun was rising as Jacob left Peniel, and he was limp-ing because of the injury to his hip.

It was common understanding in Jacob’s time that if you saw the face of God, you would die. And in a sense, Jacob did die. But Israel was born. He saw the face of God and lived. He goes on to face Esau now, and look at what God’s touch did to him.

It didn’t make him seven times stronger so that he could finally defeat Esau once and for all. It didn’t make him ten times faster so he could run away and escape. It made him limp. It made him weak. But with that limp he was finally able to walk straight toward Esau.

Because God says this:

My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, per-secutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor. 12:9-10 NLT)

You don’t need to be better, faster, smarter, prettier, funnier, cooler. You don’t need to be stronger. Just come face to face with God in all your weakness. You’re going to find there, and only there, the blessing that you need. The blessing that you long for.

Discussion Questions Session 3

1. Have you ever felt like God was attacking you? Have you ever felt like everything was going wrong, and all your plans were collapsing, and you were all alone? How does it feel to think that God might put you in that position on purpose? Why would he do that?

2. Is there something that you want that you would be willing to wrestle with God about all night long? Are you willing to hold on no matter what, even when it feels like God is killing you?

3. What do you think was the significance of God asking Jacob what his name was? Why do you think God changed his name? What does a “name” represent? Do you feel like you are able to come to God face to face with your real name, your real, authentic identity, nothing hidden or held back?

4. Why is it so important to God that we realize our worth to him is not based on our strengths but on our weakness?

5. When Jesus defeated Satan and all the forces of Hell and won the victory so that everyone who believes could have eternal life, did He do it through strength or through weakness? Through the sword or through the cross? What can we learn from Jesus’ victory for our own lives?

6. What is God saying to you about your new name? What is He telling you is your true identity?

IV. Living With Your LimpSo Jacob finally got real with God. He wrestled with him, admitted his true name, and finally got the blessing he always wanted. But he’s still got to face his brother, Esau. And Esau’s still got 400 men.

That’s often the way it goes in life. We have problems and struggles. We have people we don’t get along with. Your brother, your sister, your mom or dad, someone at school or right here in the church youth group. Adults, it could be a spouse, a co-worker or a boss. You have these ex-periences, these moments with God, and it changes you. You feel trans-formed and renewed. Like Jacob, you’ve got a new name, a new identity, a new purpose and passion. But the problem people are still there. The conflict hasn’t gone away. And the real test of how much your encounter with God really changed you is how you respond when you go back home and face those people.

That’s what God does with us; he takes us away on these journeys with Him, leads us into these dark valleys where we wrestle with Him and find out who we really are, but then He also always sends us back home, back to “reality,” to begin living out our new identity in our everyday lives. But God also sends us back with a reminder of that encounter with Him, something that we can carry with us to keep us constantly mindful of how we met with God. In Jacob’s case, it was his limp. Remember, God touched his hip socket and now he’s got a hitch in his get-along. Jacob was the original hip hop artist. We’re about to find out how Jacob is going to live with that limp.

We pick up the story in Genesis 33:

Then Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming with his 400 men. So he divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and his two servant wives. He put the servant wives and their children at the front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. Then Jacob went on ahead. As he approached his brother, he bowed to the ground seven times before him. (33:1-3 NLT)

Picture that long walk together. Esau’s 400 men are chomping at the bit, sharpening their spears, ready to go in for the kill. Esau is looking for this guy that he hates, the one who stole everything from him, the little brother that’s been grabbing his heel all his life, and now he’s going to stomp on him and put him down once and for all. But as he watches, Ja-cob doesn’t send warriors, he sends women and children and sheep. And when Jacob shows up, he’s limping along, like an old man, and when he gets there he bows down to Esau seven times.

Don’t miss the significance of that. All their lives from before they were born these two have been wrestling over who is going to bow down to the other, but here comes Jacob and he willingly, voluntarily bows down

to Esau not once but seven times.

Here’s what I see in that. After Jacob finally got the blessing he wanted, after he found out he was to be Israel and not just Jacob, he no longer needed to prove anything to Esau. He no longer had to make his brother bow down in order to feel like he was worthy. His worth and acceptance and significance no longer came from being the winner over his brother. He wasn’t forced to bow down, he was free to bow down.

See, when God gets a hold of you, your perspective on those problem people will change, too. All the time you’ve spent thinking they are the cause of your problems, the source of your struggles, the enemy of your happiness, all of the sudden you can see from a different perspective. Now that you can see your problems came from within, from your own heart, your own head, your own fears and doubts and weaknesses, it no longer seems so important to prove your point to them. You don’t have to fight when the battle is already won.

So how does Esau respond?

Then Esau ran to meet him and embraced him, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. And they both wept. Then Esau looked at the women and children and asked, “Who are these people with you?” “These are the children God has graciously given to me, your servant,” Jacob replied. Then the servant wives came forward with their children and bowed before him. Next came Leah with her children, and they bowed before him. Finally, Joseph and Rachel came forward and bowed before him. “And what were all the flocks and herds I met as I came?” Esau asked. Jacob replied, “They are a gift, my lord, to ensure your friend-ship.” “My brother, I have plenty,” Esau answered. “Keep what you have for yourself.” (33:4-9 NLT)

When Jacob’s heart is softened, a miraculous thing happens, and Esau’s heart is softened to. It’s like for the first time they can just see one another as brothers, and they are moved to tears to see each other again after all those years. Esau realizes he’s an uncle, and these children are his neph-ews, and instead of wanting to wipe them out just to hurt Jacob, he’s overwhelmed with the joy of meeting them.

And as for the money, he sees that differently now, too. When Jacob willingly reaches out to give to Esau, instead of always trying to take from him, Esau in turn stops thinking about how much Jacob took from him and sees the facts clearly; “hey, I’ve got all I need. I’ve got plenty of stuff. It’s not a big deal what Jacob took.” Jacob stops thinking about his own wants and thinks about his brother’s, and so Esau is able to stop thinking about his own losses and focus on what he already has.

This is the principle Jesus laid down in Luke 6:37-38

Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not con-demn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. Give, and you will receive. (NLT)

In other words, what you put out comes back at you. If you don’t start nothin’, there won’t be nothin.’ What goes around comes around.

Not every time; Jesus is not saying automatically as soon as you do some-thing nice for someone they’ll be nice to you too. He’s not unaware that sometimes we do our best to love someone and they turn around and stab us in the back. Remember, this is Jesus. The whole world stabbed him in the back. But he is saying, on the whole, this is how relationships work. When you stop being obsessed with yourself, you can see other people as human beings, with hopes and needs and fears just like you, and when you see them different, you’ll treat them different, and when you treat them different, in the long run, on the whole, they will treat you different.

But it all starts with being willing to walk in there with your limp. To be vulnerable. To expose your true self. To stop striving and struggling and wrestling with others to get your needs met, because you’ve already got-ten your needs met by God.

But there’s something else here about this meeting between Jacob and Esau. Listen carefully to what Jacob says next:

But Jacob insisted, “No, if I have found favor with you, please accept this gift from me. And what a relief to see your friendly smile. It is like seeing the face of God! Please take this gift I have brought you, for God has been very gracious to me. I have more than enough.” And because Jacob insisted, Esau finally accepted the gift. (Gen. 33:10-11 NLT)

Seeing your face is like seeing the face of God—do you remember where we’ve heard that before? You might think Jacob is just flattering his broth-er, saying nice things to him, “Oh, it’s so nice to see you, like a visit from the great gods.” But no, Jacob’s not just tossing out words. Remem-ber, the night before, when Jacob wrestled with God, he was absolutely stunned by one fact: that he had seen the face of God and lived. Jacob has just literally seen the face of God and now he says to his brother, see-ing you is like seeing the face of God.

Do you Star Wars fans remember that scene in the Empire Strikes Back when Yoda sends Luke into the cave on Dagobah, and he fights with Darth Vader, or so he thinks, but when he cuts off the head of his enemy, he sees his own face? And it’s this really deep message about how you’re not really fighting the person you think you are fighting, the thing you are fighting with is inside yourself. Y’all got that from the movie, right?

So here’s Jacob who’s been fighting with his brother all his life to get to

God, to be more deserving of God’s blessing, and when he finally sees God, he sees his brother. He starts to see God in Esau. And so now after all this time of trying to take things away from Esau, now he wants to give this gift to Esau, because he sees God in Esau, and he recognizing that kindness to his brother is how he can give a gift of worship to God.

That’s what the New Testament says, isn’t it? Jesus says,

I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’ … (Because) when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’ (Matthew 25:35-36, 40 NLT)

John writes it this way:

If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also. (I John 4:20-21 NASB)

This is how you see God. You see God in your brother. You see God in other people. Not just poor, starving, hungry children in some other coun-try, although that’s important, but in your literal brothers and sisters, in your family, in your friends, in the people right around you that you have conflict with, the ones who get on your nerves and push your buttons, the ones you’ve been competing with and putting down to get yourself ahead.

When God touches you, and you live with your limp, you start to see God in them, and everything changes. Instead of wanting to knock them in the head, you want to give them a gift. And that’s what Jacob does. Not be-cause Esau demands it, not even because God demands it, but because Jacob is a new person, with a new name, and he wants to do it. He has gone from being a taker to being a giver. It’s who he is. And it’s who you are too, in Christ.

You have so much to give to the world. You have so much to offer others. And you will find so much joy when you unclench, let loose, and start to give. I’m not really talking about money here, although that could be one result, but just a heart attitude of giving, of wanting other people to be happy, of taking delight in saying and doing little things that put a smile on someone else’s face.

One of the first things you can give to other people is the gift of your limp. The gift of vulnerability. The gift of authenticity. Remember, everyone has a scheme. Everyone has a mask. Everyone is trying to get approval and acceptance by pretending to be something and someone that they are

not. Everyone is afraid to reveal their true self.

But here’s what happens: when you go first, and you admit to your weak-nesses or failures or fears in a group or in a one on one relationship, it gives the other person freedom to do the same things. Social scientists call this the principle of self-disclosure, and it’s been documented in study after study; when you open up, other people open up.

Imagine what can happen in a youth group, in a small group, in a church, when people start opening up about their weaknesses, and letting down their masks, and we create an environment where this is a safe place to be your real self. If someone comes in blowing smoke and putting on a mask and being fake, we don’t judge her, or shame him, we just gently let them know, “hey, you don’t have to do that here, it’s OK, you’re safe, you can be yourself.” When we create a place like that, like the church was always meant to be, a place of love and acceptance, people will flock to that place. We won’t have room for all the people we can reach for Jesus Christ when that’s our reality, because that’s what people are hungry for, they just don’t know it yet.

You know, that’s what Jesus did for us. He didn’t come with strength and power and glory. He came with weakness. He came with a limp. The Bible says there was nothing particularly attractive about him that would draw people to him. He wasn’t rich, he came to us in a poor family, part of a despised nation. He didn’t lead an army. He went to the cross. When ar-rested, he didn’t resist. He endured the shame of the cross because it was our shame. Our weakness. He went first. He died to self for us, and God raised him from the dead so that through believing in him we could have his same kind of life in us. The kind of life that isn’t afraid to be weak. It isn’t afraid to be the loser. It isn’t afraid to limp. It isn’t afraid to be vulner-able and real and authentic. It isn’t afraid to love.

So as you walk out of this place and back into your everyday world, to face the people you have the hardest time loving, remember what has happened here, and remember who you are. You have come into the presence of God. You have seen His face. You have been honest with him about your true self, and He has reaffirmed to you that you are loved, you are accepted, you are blessed just as you are. And you have been given a new name. You are not the old person. You have a new identity in Christ, a powerful identity, a blessed identity. You’re going to change the world. You’re going to be the pathway through which God comes and makes the whole world right. But you’re going to do it by walking out of here with a limp. Walk out vulnerable, weak, and broken but unashamed, because when you are weak, God is strong, and your greatest gift to others is the gift of your weakness, that says to them, it’s OK for them to be weak, too. It’s OK to show your limp. It’s OK to be the loser. God raises the dead. He turns Jacobs into Israels. He turns curses into blessings. God makes winners out of losers.

Discussion Questions Session 4

1. If you have had an encounter with God during this time, who are the people in your everyday life that will be the greatest test of how much you have really changed?

2. How would your perspective on the people you have conflict with change if you knew you were already accepted and approved by God and didn’t have to prove anything to them or get anything from them?

3. How can you start giving freely to God by seeing God in other people? Have you ever had an experience when you did some-thing kind for someone else, and realized in the process that it was just like doing it for Jesus himself? How would it feel to get to do something nice or meet a need for Jesus?

4. How do you think our church would be different if this became a place where people felt safe enough to be vulnerable with their weakness and let down their mask? How would a group like that change the world? What needs to change for that to happen? How are you going to do your part to make it happen?

O ES RL