Discussion of reading

• Difference between IM speech or “text speech,” FB lingo and “real” English?

• Do you write more or less because of these technologies?

• Do you think internet writing hurts your credibility or ethos in academic or professional papers?

• Do you agree with her conclusion—different settings, different speech?

Overall Comments

• Depth-keep going deeper. What are you saying about this technology that hasn’t been said before.

• Mix of personal and reflection• Keep asking why. Why is nature better, why should

we read? Or why does this matter for me and for society in general? Support with strong, insightful reflection.

• I am looking for clear insightful response with your own thoughts.

Rough draft Issues

• Clarity and fragments• Run-ons• Wordiness• Weak introductions and conclusions

Titles

• Add a lot to the paper• Show that the paper has typically been well

thought out. • “Technology” or “Inquiry 1,” “Cell Phones”• The Great Depression… Facebook • “Tweet me with Respect”

Run-ons

• As I walk down the street or through a building on this campus, almost every single person I glance up and look at is doing the same thing that I am, they are on their cell phones either talking, texting, or quickly updating their Twitter statuses.

Run-ons cont.

• Penguins are amusing and interesting birds, their natural habitat is the Antarctic.

• Reggie is a licensed attorney he has chosen to devote his life to his

Sentence Fragment

• We would be glad to help you solve the problem. If you would send us a letter describing your current accounting procedures.

Wordiness

• How would you revise?• “This is what Facebook is doing, causing

people to interact over the Internet instead of in person and not being able to build social skills in real life.”

• When I was a young girl, around the age of 8 or 9, I started to obtain a passion for reading

Wordiness cont.

• As many people know the road is a very dangerous place. Reports of accidents in a car are not unusual at all. The one thing that can protect humans from being safe in a car accident is technology.

Wordiness cont.

• I couldn’t even imagine life right now being in college and not having Skype, ooVoo, or Facebook. Skype, ooVoo, and Facebook, along with many other technologies have changed the way people communicate, interact with others, do business, advertise, and many others things as well.

Wordiness exercise• 1. Although Bradley Hall is regularly populated by students, close study of the building as a

structure is seldom undertaken by them.• 2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by the bus company within the next

few days.• 3. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a deliberate lie on purpose.• 4. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been established for the safety of all.• 5. A campus rally was attended by more than a thousand students. Five students were arrested

by campus police for disorderly conduct, while several others are charged by campus administrators with organizing a public meeting without being issued a permit to do so.

• 6. The subjects that are considered most important by students are those that have been shown to be useful to them after graduation.

• 7 In the not too distant future, college freshmen must all become aware of the fact that there is a need for them to make contact with an academic adviser concerning the matter of a major.

• 8. In our company there are wide-open opportunities for professional growth with a company that enjoys an enviable record for stability in the dynamic atmosphere of aerospace technology.

• 9. Some people believe in capital punishment, while other people are against it; there are many opinions on this subject.

Answers• 1. Bradley Hall is usually filled with students who do not study the building as a

structure.• 2. The bus company will probably announce its schedule during the next few days.• 3. Rarely will you find someone who has never told a deliberate lie.• 4. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.• 5. Five out of more than a thousand students at a campus rally were arrested for

disorderly conduct, and several others were charged by campus administrators with organizing a public meeting without a permit.

• 6. Students think that the most important subjects are hose that will be useful after graduation.

• 7. Soon college freshmen must realize that they need to contact their advisors about their choices of majors.

• 8. Our company provides opportunities for professional growth and stability in the dynamic field of aerospace technology.

• 9. There are people who are for and people who are against capital punishment.

• 1. Although Bradley Hall is regularly populated by students, close study of the building as a structure is seldom undertaken by them.

• 2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by the bus company within the next few days.

• Answers:• 1. Bradley Hall is usually filled with students who do not

study the building as a structure.• 2. The bus company will probably announce its schedule

during the next few days.

• 3. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a deliberate lie on purpose.

• 4. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been established for the safety of all.

• Answers:• 3. Rarely will you find someone who has never

told a deliberate lie.• 4. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.

• 5. A campus rally was attended by more than a thousand students. Five students were arrested by campus police for disorderly conduct, while several others are charged by campus administrators with organizing a public meeting without being issued a permit to do so.

• 6. The subjects that are considered most important by students are those that have been shown to be useful to them after graduation.

• 5. Five out of more than a thousand students at a campus rally were arrested for disorderly conduct, and several others were charged by campus administrators with organizing a public meeting without a permit.

• 6. Students think that the most important subjects are those that will be useful after graduation.

• 7 In the not too distant future, college freshmen must all become aware of the fact that there is a need for them to make contact with an academic adviser concerning the matter of a major.

• 8. In our company there are wide-open opportunities for professional growth with a company that enjoys an enviable record for stability in the dynamic atmosphere of aerospace technology.

• Answers• 7. Soon college freshmen must realize that they need to contact

their advisors about their choices of majors.• 8. Our company provides opportunities for professional growth

and stability in the dynamic field of aerospace technology.

• 9. Some people believe in capital punishment, while other people are against it; there are many opinions on this subject.

• Answer• 9. There are people who are for and people

who are against capital punishment.

Good Introductions

• Should grab the reader’s attention• Signal the purpose of the paper• Give the writer the momentum he or she

needs to keep writing.

Strong introduction

What is it about the twitter that makes people so bold, open, and fearless? Twitter gives the ability to be as exposed as you please

Good Conclusions

• Simply summary• The “so what” or “what now” question• Proposal: incite the reader to action• Hook and return• Anecdote

• Take a look at your conclusion and see how you might re-work in one of the following ways:

• Simple summary• “Big picture” or “so what?”• The proposal (call to action)• Anecdote• Hook and return

Reminders

• You will receive my comments by Satuday• My comments are meant to be jumping off

points and initial thoughts, not comprehensive reviews of your paper.

• Final draft: due in class Tuesday. MLA , Microsoft Word, attached to Niikha forum

• No readings for the holiday weekend