Disclaimer

• All workshops and workshop materials are the sole property of PEGS and cannot be

published, copied, or disseminated without prior written approval from PEGS and are for

student and faculty use only.

Drafting: Introductions and Conclusions

I. Introductions

Textbooks suggest that you:

Introduce the Topic

Create Interest

Provide Background Information

State the Main Idea

Preview the Essay—OWL Purdue

https://owl.english.purdue.edu/engagement/index.php?category_id=2&sub_category_id=2&article_id=58

That’s all fine, but how?

… (p. 881)

An Excellent Example

Please take a moment to read through this example, we will refer back to this during the presentation.

Introduce the Topic

A more useful way of thinking about beginning a paper might be to identify an occasion for the writing, a jumping-off point. Any number of things could occasion a written response, including:

-An existing debate

-A provocative comment

-A narrative (i.e. story or “anecdote”)

-Questions

Create Interest

Note the ways in which identifying an occasion for your writing would naturally generate interest in your reader. Debates intrigue us, provocative comments polarize us, narratives stir our emotions, and questions compel us to anticipate responses.

Maintaining interest is another matter.

To maintain our reader’s interest, we must consider elements of style. One of the best ways to bore a reader is to repeat the same sentence structure over and over again. Repetition, which can be employed to great effect when done purposefully, can effectively lull a reader to sleep. Varying sentence patterns so that the form of the sentence matches the content of the sentence not only makes writing clearer, but more alive and interesting.

Provide Background Information

The implicit imperative when considering what background information to provide is to consider our reader—to adopt a rhetorical stance. To write rhetorically is to consider one’s audience: (1) what does the audience already know? (2) What does the audience need to know to meaningfully engage with my claim? (3) What tone/voice should I adopt to meet/manipulate my audience’s expectations? (4) What modes of persuasion (ethos, pathos, logos) could I employ to convince my audience that my claim is valid?

* use citations to support background

…- Guan, Y., Wang, J., Ni, H., & Zeng, E. (Feb, 2009). Organochlorine pesticides and

polychlorinated biphenyls in riverine runoff of the Pearl River Delta, China: Assessment of mass loading, input source and environmental fate. Environmental Pollution, 157, 618-624.

State the Main Idea

There are a number of ways to develop a thesis statement or hypothosis.

Often, the best way to generate a strong and elegant thesis is to first generate a powerful and elegant question. Ask yourself simply: what am I trying to prove? then answer the question as succinctly (as elegantly) as possible.

1. In this paper I will argue…

2. This is important because…2-Part Thesis

The thesis statement is “too big”

“.. the total ensemble of living organisms which constitute the biosphere can act as a single entity to regulate chemical composition, surface pH and possibly also climate” Problem: This is a theory, not a thesis, & cannot be proved in the scope of one paper. Solution: Limit the scope of your study.

Animal testing is beneficial to biomedical research. Problem: This statement is so broad that it is merely an opinion. Solution: Make the statement more specific. (Where & how can animal testing assist researchers? )

Revised Statement (from our example) :

EMTs experience a high rate of burnout due to stressful work conditions, and EMS Providers do not train their workers to deal with dangerous situations. Problem: The thesis statement expresses two ideas. Solution: Use linking words to show the causal relationship. Revised Statement: In order to mitigate the high rate of burnout experienced by EMTs due to stress, EMS Providers need to train their workers to deal with dangerous situations.

Mistakes in forming a Thesis/Hypothesis

1

2

3

The thesis statement does not express an argument

Water runoff from farms spreads pesticides to outlying regions.Problem: This is a generally accepted fact (more a topic really), not a thesis. Solution: Use measurable factors/focus your study to make the thesis more specific. Revised Statement: By using synthetic fertilizers high in nitrogen farmers can reduce the spread of contaminants (pesticides, herbicides, etc.) through surface runoff to outlying regions by up to xx%.

H. P. Lovecraft relies on racial stereotypes to characterize antagonists in his horror fiction. Problem: This is an observation (& you can tell because there are so many potential answers to the question of ‘why this is important’).Solution: Replace implied significance with implicit meaning. Revised Statement: Like many authors of his day H. P. Lovecraft uses racial stereotypes to characterize antagonists in his fiction, but because he is writing in the horror genre, where antagonists are also monsters, his conflation of fear and difference is less easily dismissed by contemporary audiences.

Mistakes in forming a Thesis/Hypothesis continued

1

2

Preview the Essay

There are two ways of thinking about this suggestion: (1) what is generally meant is that we ought to hint at the sub-points we will use to support our main point or thesis statement. This is often done in the form of a “thesis in parallel” (X is true because of A, B, and C). Such a statement incorporates both movements in the logical appeal (statement and support). (2) The less mechanical and clumsy way of thinking about the suggestion to “preview the essay” would be to consider hinting not so much at the sub-points you will use to develop your thesis, but rather at the complex of subtle themes that will weave in and out of your argument but not necessarily rise to the level of sub-points. The trick is to be aware of these themes and to cultivate them.

… back to our example

A provocative comment (within reason): Boska has started the review by stating the second part of the thesis: “this study is important because… we are trying to determine the causes of major disorders”

Occasion for writing = a problem/gap“current research does not prove causation”

Back

gro

un

dPre

vie

w

Rather than preview the essay point by point, Boska is explicit in

- stating the intent of the essay

- describing the first point she moves to and how it relates to the main point

Note how mechanical the phrasing is: “The aim of this review is…”“In order to… I will first…”

…

For notes on this slide click here.

(Boksa 881)

Does the student provide the background information for understanding the problem, its significance, and how it fits in biology at large?

Does the student support the background information, ideas, and hypotheses with citations of the appropriate scientific sources?

Does the student identify the gap of knowledge and clearly state the questions being answered/hypotheses being tested?

—UC San Diego, “Thesis Structure: 1. Introduction”<http://biology.ucsd.edu/grad/contiguous-bsms/thesis.html>

Minimum RequirementsDo you know your requirements? Here’s an example what UCSD expects.

II. Process: My Essay Must Begin With an

Introduction,but Must I Begin Writing at My Introduction?

NO.

As the writing process diagram suggests, writing is a recursive process. As such, we can work “backwards” and “forward” as necessary to accomplish our designs. Many writers work up introductory paragraphs only after they’ve drafted papers and gained a foothold in their own thinking on the subject at hand. This has the obvious advantage of making the writer more aware of the various themes and sub-points s/he could hint at in the introduction. Others (like myself) cannot even begin an essay without an opening sentence, which serves as a kind of writerly point of entry into the subject. For such writers, the introductory paragraph is necessarily provisional and in a constant state of flux, developing to reflect the draft as it develops. Some writers even begin at the “end.”

III. Conclusions

Textbooks suggest that you:

Restate the Main Idea

Summarize Your Sub-Points

Leave the Reader With an Interesting Final Impression

—OWL Purdue https://owl.english.purdue.edu/engagement/index.php?

category_id=2&sub_category_id=2&article_id=60

Like most one-size-fits-all models, this one has a way of producing rather drab results. It helps to acknowledge that the model was developed thousands of years ago when rhetoric was intended for oral delivery, thus necessitating the regular recapitulation of complex arguments throughout, not just at the end. Given that written arguments can be read and re-read, the impulse to (often) clumsily re-state (sometimes word-for-word) the thesis and sub-points is often too strong. If the argument was built well, a light touch is often sufficient, allowing the writer to emphasize the significance of the findings the essay produced and to point to further research or the need for it in the future. Thought this way, a conclusion paragraph can be used primarily to answer the most profound and daunting question attending graduate writing: so what?

The Paragraph Sandwich

Topic SentencesExample

Analysis

Transition Sentence

*note: 1 paragraph = 1 idea

Relationship Between Intro & Conclusion: Vectors

For notes on this slide click here.

The Paragraph Sandwich describes the basic structure of one paragraph. FMI

check out our “Organization” Workshop.

p. 881 pp. 892-3

Now please read through the corresponding conclusion.

p. 881 pp. 892-3B

ack

gro

un

d

Review of paper using terminology

[ ] [ ]

[ ] [ ]

[ ]

[ ] [

] [ ]

[ ]

Future recommendations

Reminder of why this is important

*Please click here for information about each highlighted aspect .

Special ThanksUNC Chapel Hill

UC Berkeley Cornell UniversityUNC Wilmington

University of British ColombiaMLA

Purdue OWLExtra Credits

Study Guides and Strategies OnlineAnd of course……

The Librarians at CSUDH LFC Cain Library

Need further help?• Check out PEGS!

– Promoting Excellence in Graduate Studies• Make an appointment

– (310) 243-2700– pegs@csudh.edu– www.pegs4grads.org

• Library Reference Desk– (310) 243-3586 or (310) 243-3582– http://library.csudh.edu/services/reference/desk.shtml