DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS WITH

TEENAGERS

PRESENTED BY

NADIA RAMOUTAR, PH. D

COMMUNICATION DEFINITION:

“THE PROCESS OF PASSING

INFORMATION AND UNDERSTANDING

FROM ONE PERSON TO ANOTHER TO

CREATE MEANING.”

INCLUDING VERBAL AND NON-VERBAL

CUES (70% PLUS OF ANY MESSAGE IS

NON-VERBAL USUALLY)

TEENAGER:

PERSON BETWEEN AGES OF 13 TO 19

DIFFICULT:

NEEDING MUCH EFFORT OR SKILL TO

ACCOMPLISH DEAL WITH, OR

UNDERSTAND

COMMUNICATION BECOMES MORE DIFFICULT

WHEN THERE IS STRESS OR ANXIETY

DUE TO BRAIN CHEMISTRY

The Reptilian brain causes us to act from flight, fight or play dead.

IT IS IMPORTANT FOR US TO BUILD RAPPORT WITH OUR CHILD OVER SMALL THINGS ON ORDINARY

DAYS SO THERE IS TRUST WHEN BIG THINGS HAPPEN.

PARENTING

HAS CERTAINLY

CHANGED

OVER TIME…

BUT THE ONE PERSON CARNEGIE

INSTITUTE STUDY STILL STANDS

KAHLIL GIBRAN (1923)

YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT YOUR CHILDREN. THEY ARE THE SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF LIFE'S LONGING FOR ITSELF. THEY COME THROUGH YOU BUT NOT FROM YOU, AND THOUGH THEY ARE WITH YOU YET THEY BELONG NOT TO YOU. YOU MAY GIVE THEM YOUR LOVE BUT NOT YOUR THOUGHTS, FOR THEY HAVE THEIR OWN THOUGHTS. YOU MAY HOUSE THEIR BODIES BUT NOT THEIR SOULS, FOR THEIR SOULS DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF TOMORROW, WHICH YOU CANNOT VISIT, NOT EVEN IN YOUR DREAMS. YOU MAY STRIVE TO BE LIKE THEM, BUT SEEK NOT TO MAKE THEM LIKE YOU. FOR LIFE GOES NOT BACKWARD NOR TARRIES WITH YESTERDAY.

EVERY CHILD HAS HIS OR HER OWN PATH BUT

TEENAGERS OFTEN STRUGGLE WITH : EXPECTATIONS FRIENDS PARENTS SIBLINGS EXTENDED FAMILY TEACHERS

EXAMS/GRADES TEAMS/GROUPS/CLUBS PEER GROUPS SOCIETY CAREER CHOICES PHYSICAL APPEARANCE SUBSTANCE PRESSURES

ROMANTIC & SEXUAL PRESSURE IDENTITY ISSUES ONLINE & MEDIA NEWS SOCIAL MEDIA APPEARANCES ANXIETY & MENTAL HEALTH LACK OF SLEEP POOR NUTRITION

HORMONES/PUBERTY PRESSURE TO BE PERFECT 100% VIOLENCE/CRIME FEARS LIFE EVENTS WORLD EVENTS CLIMATE CHANGE AND OTHER THINGS…

EXPECTATIONS OF TEENAGERS HAVE CHANGED GLOBALLY

BBC NEWS APRIL 2019:

Five teenagers who have

changed the world

Greta Thunberg, 16, Climate Change

champion rallied over one million students to

march globally. Challenging politicians.

Malala Yousafzai, Youngest person to win

Nobel Peace prize, life under the Taliban

Emma Gonzalez, 17, Survivor of Parkland

Shooting and Global peace activist

Jack Andraka, 15, Created cheap way to

detect pancreatic cancer

Amika George, 17, fighter of period poverty

and champion of free sanitary products in

English schools and colleges

Malena Ernman, Greta’s mother

OUR TEENAGERS LIVE IN A 24 HOUR WORLD INSIDE A 16 HOUR BODY THAT IS UNDER

CONSTANT DISPLAY

PRACTICE HALT!

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA-NC

IF WE HAD A TIME MACHINE

AND COULD GO BACK AND

WATCH OUR TEENAGE SELF…

WHAT WOULD

WE SEE? This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC

WHAT WAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR

PARENTS AND OTHER ADULTS WHEN YOU WERE A

TEEN?

• DID IT WORK FOR YOU?

• DID IT WORK FOR THEM?

• DID YOU GET WHAT YOU NEEDED?

• ARE YOU AT PEACE WITH YOUR EMOTIONAL TEEN SELF?

CONFLICT IS A NATURAL OCCURRENCE WHEN

GOALS ARE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE:

CONFLICT CAN BE A LEARNING EXPERIENCE

• LIST YOUR TOP EXPECTATIONS OF YOUR TEENAGER? WHERE DO THEY COME FROM?

• ARE THESE YOUR TEENS GOALS TOO?

• IDENTIFY HOW YOU MUCH YOU ARE LIKE YOUR TEENAGER?

• IDENTIFY HOW MUCH YOU ARE UNLIKE YOUR TEENAGER?

• WHAT “TRIGGERS” YOU WITH THEM?

COMMON MISTAKES WE PARENTS MAKE WITH

TEENS BECAUSE WE ARE HUMAN TOO….

Talking too

much

Rushing to fix

things

Missing the

nonverbal cues

Being suspicious Being overly

trusting

Talking too little Doing too much

for them

Ambushing

them

Comparing

them to anyone

Telling them

who to be

Being overly

protective

Letting them

suffer too long

Telling not

asking

Over-reacting

with drama

Fixing everything

Assuming they

know already

Expecting

perfection

Forgetting

about hormones

Being their

friend

Avoiding

unpleasant

subjects

Ignoring safety

issues

Storing

ammunition – 24

hour rule

Being all work

and no play

Multi-tasking

and ignoring the

non-verbals

Not taking care

of ourselves

WE OFTEN MAKE

MISTAKES BECAUSE WE FEEL LIKE WE

ARE OVERWHELMED

ALREADY…

TEENS DO NO UNDERSTAND THE

PRESSURES OF ADULTING… YET

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY

WANTED: ROLE MODEL

Your teen learned to communicate by

watching and learning people around

them.

We are impacted by “Mirror Neurons” --

this is why the peer group is so powerful!

Get to know their friends and have an

open mind so you can support them too.

They are reacting to you – directly or

indirectly in a pattern. Does it work?

You have to be the leader or you will be

the follower. Do not tolerate rudeness or

disrespect. Other adults will not.

AS BEST YOU CAN, ALWAYS COMMUNICATE

DIRECTLY WITH YOUR TEEN ABOUT YOUR TEEN.

AVOID COMMUNICATION TRIANGLES

WHAT IS YOUR GOAL FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP

WITH YOUR TEEN?

IDENTIFY WHAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT TO HAVE WITH YOUR CHILD AND

SHARE THAT WITH THEM. CREATE A TONE.

• “I AM HERE TO GUIDE YOU AND HELP YOU MAKE THE BEST CHOICE”.

• “I KNOW YOU DON’T LIKE RULES, BUT MY JOB IS TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE SAFE.”

• “THIS SITUATION IS HARD FOR ME TOO, I AM COMING FROM A PLACE OF LOVE HERE.”

• “THERE ARE ENOUGH JERKS IN THE WORLD, I AM NOT RAISING ANOTHER ONE. I WANT YOU TO BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING.”

• “IN OUR FAMILY WE ….”

REMEMBER WHEN YOU THOUGHT LABOUR WAS GOING TO BE THE HARDEST PART OF

PARENTING?

DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS REQUIRE YOU TO HAVE A STRATEGY AND BE AT YOUR

BEST.

MODEL SELF CARE.

THE RELATIONSHIP NOW IMPACTS THE RELATIONSHIP THEY HAVE WITH THEMSELVES

AND WITH YOU - FOR LIFE.

CHECKLIST FOR DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS:

BE CAREFUL.

BE CALM.

BE CONNECTED.

BE CONFIDENT.

BE CLEAR

BE CONCISE

BE COURAGEOUS.

BE KIND.

BE THE COMPASSIONATE ADULT.

AMNESTY PARENTING

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under

CC BY-NC-ND

Do NOT let your child suffer or witness suffering if you

can prevent it. TEENS CAN SPIRAL DOWN QUICKLY.

Make sure they know you believe in them but offer

them this deal if they are in danger, scared or

confused, you will not judge.

Make it safe for your child to ask for help or to call you

when something bad is about to happen or

happening.

If you child needs professional help for any reason

NEVER hesitate to get it. Better to be safe than sorry.

Teach them COMPASSION and INTEGRITY.

YOUR REWARD IS PEACE OF MIND

ANY QUESTIONS?

THANK YOU WWW.FREEMYMOJO.COM

DRNADRAM@GMAIL.COM