difficult conversations in the workplace · negotiations conciliation mediation arbitration s low...
TRANSCRIPT
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May 31st, 2018
Presenter:
Maurice Fritze
CONFLICT
Conflict - Maurice Fritze
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Conflict - Maurice Fritze
Today:
What is conflict?
Who am I in conflict?
What skills are needed?
Let’s have that challenging conversation.
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Conflict - Maurice Fritze
Conflict management is the
principle that all conflicts
cannot necessarily be resolved,
but learning how to manage
conflicts can decrease the odds
of nonproductive escalation.
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Is there any evidence society is moving towards
a just society?
Personal responsibility for resolving conflict
Conflict resolution as professional development
Books on mediation, conflict resolution
Role of mediation in courts
Community mediation
Dispute resolution policies
Conflict - Maurice Fritze
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1. Don’t react2. Don’t decide
3. Tune into the other person
4. Ask problem-solving
questions
5. Summarize or paraphrase
6. Take time to thinkConflict - Maurice Fritze
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Quintessentially Canadian
can-do attitude
A conviction that every problem has a
solution if people would just be
reasonable.
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Describe the attributes of a good
conflict resolver
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POWERBenefits Disadvantages
Clear winner and loser Negative
peace/retaliation
Often expedient Lack of satisfaction
Power resources usually
easy to identify
May lead to violence
No positive expression
of concerns
Conflict - Maurice Fritze
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RIGHTSBenefits Disadvantages
Clear rules for
engagement
Emotional issues and
interests not allowed
Specific requirements for
evidence
Usually expensive and
time consuming
Law is the same for
everyone
Decisions are made by
judges or juries
Process may be open to
the public and people
can be represented by
lawyers
Quality of
representation may
affect the outcome.
Precedents are set Law may prohibit
creative solutions
Conflict - Maurice Fritze
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INTERESTSBenefits Disadvantages
Open to exploring feelings May have little or no public
scrutiny
Decision-making belongs to the
parties
Lack of consistency in outcome
May be more expedient than
litigation and less costly
May deter the establishment of
precedents.
Not limited to precedence or
conventional approaches
Some may not be able to
negotiate effectively and may be
better served by representation
Solutions can be unique to the
parties
Private justice instead of public
Conflict - Maurice Fritze
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Agreement on your terms =
Conquest
Agreement on their terms =
Capitulation
Consensus agreement =
Collaboration [win/win]
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Assertiveness demands that your
rights be balanced with those of
others
Aggressiveness means your rights
have been served at the expense of
other’s
Passivity means that you have
surrendered your rights to those of
others.
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The Mantra
You are not the problem
They are not the problem
Although it often seems that way
The problem is the problem
So what is the problem?
Conflict - Maurice Fritze
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Conflict - Maurice Fritze
Layers of Conflict
DISPUTE
The surface layer of conflict [what shows
up]
UNDERLYING CONFLICT
Values and motivations affected
by the dispute [requires digging]
DEEP-ROOTED/IDENTITY BASED CONFLICT
Deep-seated barriers to resolution
[complex, unknown origin]
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Conflict - Maurice Fritze
Continuum of Conflict
Co
nflict A
void
ance
Info
rmal D
iscussio
n
Neg
otiatio
ns
Co
nciliatio
n
Med
iation
Arb
itration
Jud
icial Decisio
ns
Low Intensity High
Intensity
Decisions made by Parties By 3rd
Parties
By
authoritative
3rd Parties
COLLABORATIVE APPROACHES ADVERSARIAL APPROACHES
CONTROL BY PARTIES [OUTCOME] NO CONTROL BY PARTIES
Leg
islation
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The Principle of Separate Realities
Expect people to be different,
think differently, remember
differently, have different values.
Just as there are vast differences between cultures, countries and
languages, there are vast differences between humans. Think
chopsticks vs forks and knives.
When we expect to see things differently, when we take it as a
given that others will do things differently and react differently to
the same stimuli, the understanding we have for others rises
dramatically.
The moment we expect otherwise, the potential for conflict
exists.
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Conflict - Maurice Fritze
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Questions provide an
effective thermostat that
gives an immediate
indication of
communication success.
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“I speak two languages, Body and English.”
Mae West
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Active Listening [making it real]
• Demonstrates interest and respect
• De-escalates conflict
• Lowers emotional temperature
• Promotes discussion and problem
solving
• Helps verify understanding and intent
• Makes the other person feel heard
Conflict - Maurice Fritze
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QuestionsQuestions inform the speaker that you are listening and
that you need more from her/him. Questions create
improved listening opportunities.
Open questions
Closed questions
Probing question
Consequential questions
Conflict - Maurice Fritze
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Why shouldn’t you give advice
or tell people what to do?
It robs them of
Autonomy
Mastery
Purpose
Conflict - Maurice Fritze
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Conflict - Maurice Fritze
Position
1. One party’s solution to an issue
2. Makes demands
3. Contains the solution
4. A single acceptable outcome
5. Directive [you must or I will]
6. No flexibility
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Conflict - Maurice Fritze
Interests
1. One party’s concerns, hopes,
expectations, fears, values,
needs, beliefs, priorities or
assumptions
2. No solution to the issue
3. Non-directive
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Problem Solving
▪ Set the stage: purpose of meeting,
ground rules.
▪ Begin with the Third Story.
▪ Listen to the other person’s perspective.
▪ Communicate clearly.
▪ Define the problem.
▪ Brainstorm options.
▪ Evaluate options.
▪ Develop a solution.
Conflict - Maurice Fritze
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Wrap up
Key learning?
Evaluation
End of seminar© Maurice Fritze
2010 - 2018
Conflict - Maurice Fritze