diary of a psychopath- ch. 1-5 fourth draft rough version2

8/8/2019 Diary of a Psychopath- CH. 1-5 Fourth Draft Rough Version2

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Diary of a Psychopath-Isabelles Story

4 th Draft- Chapters 1-5

completed3-16-2009

Written by- Brianne HawksChapter 1-06/24/2008So Ive been having the dream again. The dream I always have, where Ima kid, and I just have been given a kitten for my birthday. In the dream, Implaying with the kitten when it suddenly sinks its nails into me, and I throw it

across the room. I still to this day remember that sound, the sound of its headhitting the wall. The dull thudding sound it made, and then its eyes glaze over,and blood pours out its nose, not a gush like you would see with a humangetting hit, just a small little trickle of blood. After that, I continued to play withthe dead kitten for over an hour. I liked it better that way; it let me pet it, trycuddling, brushing it, almost anything you could want but better.

Ever since that day, Ive been fascinated with death. Fascinated with a needtosee,see those last few seconds of the in-between when they crossed over from lifeto death. To see what they saw when they crossed over, and every time I kill one,sometimes I think, you know, I am just a little bit closer to seeing it. Seeing

through their eyes what comes next. I began to kill more animals to see what theysaw, being a licensed and well respected veterinarian in your field hasthat perk. And when an animal comes along that just might not make it, you getthat perk. Their eyes would have a dawning peace come over them then just cutout to blank after that. Ive never told anyone about my fascination with death.Ever since my first kitten, and of course'her', Ive always wanted to see whatthey saw as they crossed over; you know make sure there WAS somethingwaiting for them on the other side. Sometimes I just wanted to see their reactionto what came next, to see what they saw. But, there is no thrill with animals, onlypeace and sweet release.

Last night I took it one step further.

Luke and I had our usual date night in, where I agreed to cook and we would just spend the night hanging out. I was reaching my three month limit him. Thatsusually when I let them go, because they start to get so close, to the truth aboutme. I cant let that happen.So, Luke was sitting on the couch while I was making

dinner and was talking about his parents. "Youll really like them," He said,"Theyre really laid back and love animals, so youll get along really well."


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Yuck, I thought to myself as I contemplated meeting his parents. Guess Ivereached the fight or flight moment. I had finished with making the salad andstarted to reheat the soup I had made earlier. I just wish there was an easier wayto do this.I thought with distance as I stirred the soup. I cant meet his parents; parentshave built in radar to detect things in people. If I try to use my mask on them, Ill

just end up being called a faker by them. I thought while furrowing my brow inthought. Luke was still on the couch just yammering away. Really he hadbecome a nuisance, and meeting his parents were just like the straw that brokethe camels back. Decision made I thought as I nodded my head quickly andwalked over to the pantry for my spice to add. I opened the pantry in my smalllittle kitchen and reached down to the bottom shelf, way in the back, for myspecial spice. It was in an un-marked, brown clay jug and was sealed with a corklid. I brought it over to the pot of soup and pulled out some of the stalks andflowers that were in the jug. I knew there would be a time when I would needthese, and the rainy day had come. Grabbing up my large chopping knife I gavethem a run through and carefully washed the milky white substance that came

out of thestalks, off my hands and the knife. Really one must be careful! I smiled tomyself, he would never know what was coming and I would get to see a uniquesight for the first time in my life.I placed the bowls onto the table and told Luke that dinner was ready, in a voicethat I could muster as calmly as possible. We sat in relative silence as he began toeat the soup. He didnt even notice I was just sitting there watching him eat, nottouching mine at all.He ate the whole soup, without complaint; in fact he actually made sounds thatmeant he liked it!"What are these, he asked holding up the secret ingredient. I smiled back at him

and said with a laugh, "I thought you would recognize leeks by now honey." Hescrunched up his face for second longer looking at them then shrugged and atethem quickly. Soon his bowl was empty."That was delicious Isabelle! What was that, a veggie recipe you got off the foodnetwork?"He said looking down the table at my bowl. "Actually its an old family recipe," Istarted and met his eyes as he gave me a questioning look, "And I didnt eatbecause Ive had terrible heartburn all day, I thought it wouldve dispersed bynow but its not letting up even just a little bit." I grimaced and held my chest as Isaid this and he smiled and just said, "Well then, do you mind if I have yours?" Icouldnt believe my ears, HE WANTED MORE!?!?!?! I tried to keep my smile

innocent but it came out devious I know."Sure Hun, but do you think youre really hungry enough to be able to eat both?"I asked innocent as a lamb. He was eyeing my soup and licking his lips, "Yeah Ican give it some room in my stomach." I just laughed and walked the soup overto him and set it down. As I carried the other bowl away I could hear Luke say,"Boy its getting hot in here isnt it? Dont you think we should open a windowor something?" I just kept smiling because I knew the drug I used was working. Iwalked back in from the kitchen to see Luke just sitting there, trembling. Helooked scared. "What is it Luke?"I said slowly and with a smile.


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"I-I dont know, Im sweating, and trembling, andAND I CANT MOVE MYARMS AND LEGS!!" He said in a loud panicked voice. Thats when I knew my timeto unmask had come. I started to giggle and walk slowly over to him. "Gee Luke;Im sorry youre feeling that way I hope it wasnt something you ATE!!" And Igave him a wicked little smile. He just continued to look scared and this is whenI realized he couldnt even talk. So I reached his side and pushed him out of the

chair, and he landed- on his side, I rolled him over, just so I could stare into thosepretty baby blues. They were just wide as saucers and the pupils were actuallyhuge! I mean like he was on acid, huge! Youd think theyd be pinpoints becauseof the fear. And then I thought about it. Ahh yes, the "herb".

I sat down on Lukes lap and smiled down at him while he just stared up atmehis eyes huge with fear. "You know those Leeks that you were so happy tomunch on Luke? Well they werent Leeks. In fact, youre really not supposed toeat them at all. Its an herb called Hemlock, see. And I ordered it awhile ago.

Thinking it would come to this in our relationship. Now you started outsweating, then came the trembling, and of course the muscle movements

restricted. But you dont know what the final result is." I paused in my narrationto smile down at him. He tried to open and close his mouth, like he wanted tosay something but couldnt. So I give him my sweet smile and pinched his cheeks,"Oh its okay Luke, you dont need to say anything. I understand it all. And soonso will you because the last symptom is the freezing up of the lungs. You wontbe able to breathe. So of course, in a matter of mere minutes, youll choke todeath. Suffocation, man thats got to be a horrible way to go." I said all this with apathetic attempt of pretending to be sorry for him. But I was having too muchfun and my face reflected my glee. Suddenly I could hear faint half gasps comingfrom his mouth, short and tiny like he was quietly trying to gasp for air. I wasntmaking it any easier as I was sitting on his chest, but it was fun to of course, to be

a weight that helped to strengthen the hemlocks power. So I sat there and keenlywatched his eyes, his mouth bobbed open and shut for quite a few minutesreminding me of a fish that I had caught once when I was about 14, it just openedand closed its mouth several times, then stopped as it could no longer breathabove water. Lukes eyes were absolutely bulging now, like he could pop a veinat any minute and his hands began to faintly slap against the floor, looking foranything to helpbut of course, there was nothing. I sat back and clapped,laughing with glee, this had felt better than any Christmas I could remember.Finally his mouth was opening and closing much slower. And that was whendisaster struck, well for me anyways, but his eyes closed!! He was still gaspingand I can swear I felt his heartbeat in my legs. But it was going wrong, all wrong. I

had to see his eyes!! I HAD TO KNOW!! In my frustration, I started running aroundfor anything to keep his eyes open as my fingers pushing on them only led to theeyes rolling back into his head.

Then I remembered the knife in the kitchen and ran to grab it. 'I'll just cutoff his eyelids!' I thought in desperation. And I did. Slicing at the sides and thencleanly at the top, I cut his eyelids away. But with the blood and his eyes rolledback into his head...I missed it. His gasps werelike tiny hiccups. Then he jerked, once, twice, and then was still. I stared into hisnon-existing eyes


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for a few seconds while checking his pulse on the side of his neck.No pulse, and there seemed to be no change in his eyeballs. Damn! How could Imiss it? I thought in bitter disappointment. I slapped his face and pushedagainst his chest with my hands to stand up. I could feel the scowl formed on myface. I woulddefinitely have to think more on the next one. Since I did this one, I knew there

was going to be another. Who, is the question, and When. Suddenly I heard avoice, alittle girls voice, "Promise me! Promise youll make them pay!"'I will make them pay, I promise.' I thought with anger, remembering my long agopromise. But as I thought of 'her' I started to kaleidoscope down memory lane.And Not wanting todeal with that memory right at that time. I decided to get it together for the taskat hand. I pulled on Lukes arms and dragged him towards the bathroom. basedon his sizeI knew it was sheer adrenaline that was working for me at the moment. I thentook off his shirt, pants, and underwear, not forgetting his socks and shoes. Thank

God for me he wasnt wearing any jewelry or a sports watch or anything. Gettingrid of those things wouldve been hard and had a chance of always ending upleading back to me. I laid him in the bathtub and had done up the whole room inplastic with silver duct tape. It was a trick I borrowed from someone else but itwas a good one. I had as tools a power chainsaw and my trusted boning knifefrom my surgeons' tools. I started the bathwater to run and added a half cup of bleach. I knew that itwouldnt stop the police from discovering blood in my apartment but it would atleast distort it from being recognized as to whose it was. I pulled out my boningknife, from my surgeon's kit and picked up Lukes arm, cutting straight down intohis flesh. A squirt of blood came popping out,squirted across my face; but not as

much as you see on the movies. Moving the knife ata downward angle and down I began to form the first slice of what would becomeanimalfood for the wolves and boars that hunt in the desert for food at night. It wentpretty quickly and cleanly, actually. Pretty soon I had about three garbage bagsfull of meat, organs, and bone. I took my presents out to Lukes car. I droveabout an hour and a half out of the city on the way towards Primm. I then, gotbusy on burying the bones of my now ex-boyfriend. I smashed his skull intofragments and buried all the pieces four feet deep and 16 feet away from eachother. Keeping the fingers and burying them a mile away. I was making sure thatno one would be able to identify him and trace it back to me. Then as dawn

broke, I was finally done, and I drove Lukes car to an empty apartment parkinglot. I picked this lot because it and the one next over, didn't have a camera. I feltsecure in the fact that I had disposed of him properly.I also, scoured my apartment with a bleach cleanup, just to make sure no DNA orblood existed to link me to his disappearance. I would have to call it in the nextday that he was missing. I sat on my couch and feeling proud of myself,immediately fell asleep and slept all night, for the first time since I was a child.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------06/25/2008


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6:57a.m.Charlie Davidson was sitting at her desk poring over her case files; sure she'dfind something that a thousand other eyes had just seemed to miss. She knewshe was better, smarter, had something that they...well just didn't have. But thiswas whyshe always worked alone. Of course all her partners ended up not being able to

work with her, but mostly they just couldn't keep up. They couldn't see thepicture that she could. Charlie sat back and pinched the bridge of her nosetogether. She sighed and quickly lopped her head from one side to the other andthe sound of bones popping echoed through the empty squad room. She lookedaround her in the semi-darkened area and again sighed, she knew it was late andher shift was over for a long time. She stood up and stuffed some files into herduffel bag and started the long stretch of hallway down towards the stairs andout. Maybe if she got some sleep, her fresh mind would catch something hertired mind wouldn't. There was one squad room left with lights on, weird. Shepaused just at the edge of their entrance to listen in on the conversation. Sheknew it was the day shift because night was all condensed and downstairs. She

had to lean in closer and strain her ears to pick up even a whisper of theirconversation, that's how quiet they were being; but she could hear them."Well all I'm saying is a car turns up, in a side of town that he doesn't go to, with

nocameras looking. And the car is devoid of any trace...EVEN HIS, no one can findhim...you gotta think it's a pro job." That was voice one.Voice two starts in with,"Pro? PRO???? NO WAY!! A PRO job would have the guy sitting IN the frontseat with his brains sprayed on the windshield AND no trace!! No this issomeone who knows Crime Scenes enough to clean up but left something on or inthe body to where they had to get rid of it." Voice one,

"Well if we know it's not just a missing person then why we holding onto it, weshould just walk it up to the know-it-all, she's still up there ya know. I can't standher, but the bitch has got a nose and can sniff out the body AND the perp. in realquick time:" Voice two,"HER!?!? NO WAY!! I'd rather give it to Simmons than to that cunt, she's sofrigid and uppity. She acts like she's got the shit wrapped up when she gets it.Damn I can't STAND her!" Voice one, "What happened, she turn you down for adate? Hahaha, even the ugly and lonely meter maids won't date you pencil dick!I'm telling you take it to Davidson in the morning, if you know what's good!"Davidson WAS really that good, and ready to walk in and just snatch it from them,and shoveshit in their nose, but really she expected crap like this from the men of thesquad. She usually was right, and being hot, smart, and unwilling to date anyoneshe worked with, made her very unlikable at the station. Without pausing to seeif they noticed, she walked by the doorway to missing person's squad room andcontinued to walk down the stairs and then out and on towards home .


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Chapter 2-06/25/2008

The sun intruded through my blinds,and glared into my eyes brutally. I peeked one of my

eyes open and chanced a glance at my alarm clock, 5:53 A.M. I still have time before I haveto be in the clinic. Then the memory of last night came flooding in. Flashes of Luke's eyes andthe spurting of blood as I sawed through his skin and muscle, and the smell of burnt bone,reminding you of when you go to the dentist and have a tooth drilled; all came back at once.'Holy Shit!' Adrenaline surged through my body as I realized what I did. I felt alive, wired,excited, like it was a dream, and hadn't really happened. Again I thought of his eyes, theyweren't peaceful as animals were, his were questioning like, why did this happen to me? Inow knew I would never again be satisfied with the deaths of animals. I had upgraded. Yet stillI wasn't satisfied, his eyes had not shown me the answer, those last few seconds, didn't giveme insight as to what it was that was waiting on the other side. I shook myself from thosephilosophic thoughts and did a mental checklist to make sure I had thought of everything. I did

not want to get caught like others. Cops said killers always wanted to get caught and that'swhy they left things behind. They did it either consciously or subconsciously. Well eventhough there had been no blood in the house I had scrubbed the pathway. I used bleach, justto make sure. I had washed the entire bathroom with bleach. Which any CSI watcher knew itdiluted the blood sample and made it impossible to tell the dna or blood type, they could tell if blood was present, but any lame ass story could cover that.I even cleaned the drain. I tossed the hemlock in my favorite keepsake brown jar into another garbage dumpster...five miles away.I drove his car to another city and left it in a parking lot with no cameras.

And , wiped the car clean of all fingerprints and used a special and powerful lint cleaner to pullall hairs and fibers from the car then followed it up with a dual wind tunnel hand vac that

promises if you have very sensitive allergies that NOTHING will be left behind. I didn't havethat problem but somehow I knew when I bought the hemlock back three months ago, I wouldbe using it for a special reason. Wow, no wonder I slept so well. I was exhausted from all thework.I thought about what I would do next, who would I kill next. Should I kill guys? I thought abouttrying to seduce girls but I got slightly sick to my stomach. Okay so I would stick to guys, andmaybe to be safe I should stick to strangers, yeah the more you don't know about them themore random it would be and the less likely for me to be caught. My mind was drawn in adaze to his eyes, and I remembered how glazed over they got after he finally passed. Hiseyes became dilated and were big as saucers, the only time his blue eyes were completelyblack. Then like a scream I saw her eyes. It was the cold blast of reality that I needed to get

my butt moving again. 'Damn,' I thought, 'All these years, and I had almost forgottenher....almost.' But I hadn't... not really.I could never forget that day, and my promise to her. I snapped my head up from drying it,

the promise!!! I had FORGOTTEN. But now I remember and I know exactly the guys I amgoing after and why, the looks in their eyes will be an after effect, pleasure after the work. IWILL DO WHAT I SAID I WOULD DO!!and then it was like I was back there again, and I could hear her, 'you promise me, promiseme.'"I promise! I pinky swear promise I'll get every SINGLE last one of them!!" I said it out loud as


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if she could hear me. Well maybe she could. and with that I made my decision. All day I triedto get my puppy love feeling back, the excitement that tingled my hairs, but the thought of her

just turned and soured my stomach. I felt itchy and hot, like I was too full of energy andneeded to release this pent up anger. I realized that I would have to strike again, and soon.This feeling, gnawing at my stomach, would not be abated til I had satiated it.

At the clinic, I worked in silence as I was checking a beagle for worms. He whined as I

stuck my finger up his rectum to get a sample. My mouth curled up on one side and I dug in alittle deeper. The pup whined a little more, and that brought a brief smile to my face."Dr. Burns?", said Lahna, my dumpy assistant. She was 5'4" about 180lbs. I'd say and haddirty blonde hair with brown eyes. BORING! She would stand by me wringing her hands,ALWAYS wringing her hands, and open and close her mouth like...like a fish! I knew shewanted to say something most of the time but was too nervous. I know I could turn to her andsay 'Yes Lahna?' But that would be inviting a conversation, and implying that I cared. Which IDIDN'T! And besides she sweated, ALL THE TIME, and she- well she just bothered me. Ihired her because she was smart, didn't talk back, was an eager hard worker. Not once hadshe asked for a day off or a raise."Yes" I said as pleasantly as possible. Really, I couldn't stand any of the girls I worked with,but then again I was a great actress and couldn't stand anyone."Are you...okay? I mean, you usually don't talk about your private life or even talk unless togive orders...and that's fine. But you seem...distressed." She paused and then pursed her lipsas if she was practicing to be a therapist ."Did you break up with your boyfriend?""Why no Lahna, but I did have trouble sleeping last night, maybe that's it."and left it at that. It was really none of her business and I let her know that by turning my backon her. It angered me that she would dare to ask a personal question and angered me evenmore that my mask had slipped, and with that I gave an extra little dig into the beagle which inresponse he whined a little more. Damn people!

After dealing with all my appointments and walk-ins for the afternoon I went into myoffice and closed the door. I was still feeling distressed from that mornings revelations andalready I wanted that thrill back, to feel that warmth in my body again. To look into another person's face and see what their last look would be.I decided, I would keep my promise and keep to men, assholes to be exact. I would look for them in bars. Men, well assholes, especially are...dumber, and more trusting. At least when itcame to women. I laughed derisively at this and turned to catch myself in the mirror. My even,white teeth gleamed perfectly against my evenly tanned skin. Should be evenly tanned, I paida fortune for this tan. Went in once a week for two hours, twenty for the tan, hour for thepedicure and manicure, also get my roots touched up. I'm a natural blonde but it is a nastydark, ash blonde. Then, I get my eyebrows, and OTHER places waxed; all so I can look goodenough to turn down 90% of men!I stopped and turned to face myself squarely in the face and to observe.I have mid-elbow length honey, blonde hair, blue eyes with yellow streaks, eyes that mother later swore were witch eyes. That thought made my eyes widen a little and I laughed out loud.I scrutinized my face a little more.I had teeth my dentist said I could be a model with, lips any guy would want to kiss,legs that go on for days, and breasts that would make a pinup jealous. And an ass any dancer would kill for. Not to mention the ten sets of twenty I do every morning for my stomach to havethat sculptured look.Hmmph! Basically I'm perfect. Just had to make sure, because I have to be able to seduceany dope into taking me home with them. Even better I have to make them totally unaware of what I was eventually going to do to them.


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I stood up from behind my cherry oak desk that was in front of a double bay window, to theright was a single frosted glass window that let out onto a flat cement terrace where I had awrought iron chair and a hidden pack of cigarettes and coffee can, a sordid secret I didn'twant anyone to know about, to the left in the corner opposite of my patio, I had a small 1.5bathroom that had a toilet that I could take comfort in knowing that only I use it, a pedestalsink with a gold handle fixture, a cherry wooden framed mirror, and powder blue towels that

hung on the right wall. On the wall following the bathroom were ceiling to floor cherry wood(are you detecting a theme here?) bookcases that followed to the edge of the wall wherethere was a indentation and a sort of alcove in the wall just behind the dark wood door. Thebookcases were of course filled with books on animal anatomy and surgery and sicknesses,as well as prescriptions and suggested amounts. I walked right by these bookcases throughthe expanse of my office to the little alcove to the calender that was almost hidden behind thedoor. With the marker that hung there I wrote down three days from that day 'T.S.K.' andstood back with a smile. On Wednesday I would go Hunting for "The Second Kill".

06/25/2009

10:54p.m.Detective Charlie Davidson, walked into the patrol station with the thoughts of that

conversation and the peculiar missing person's case on her mind. Would she have to huntthose two down and ask for the case? Or would they find her and give it to her? She was sodeep in thought that she almost didn't hear her boss calling her. "Davidson! Get your head outof your ass!! I need to see you"She snapped her head up and was blushing at his comment. He must've called her nameseveral times to have been that sarcastic. Though he was never really a ball of sunshine tobegin with. She tossed down her duffel bag and chanced a glance around; everybody wasbusy with talking, working, or on the phone. So with a sigh, and feeling very much like getting

sent to the principal's office she walked up to the lieutenant's office. She quietly stepped inand said, "You wanted to see me?""Yes, Detective, it seems you have fans...oh shut the door please" She turned to close thedoor and Lieutenant Franze waved her into a chair facing his desk. Charlie settled in and witha questioning look, parroted, "I have fans?", Lt. Franze replied. "Yes- fans, a peculiar missingcase has come in and the cops who got the call think you're the one who will best solve it".At this Charlie had to keep from smiling, it seemed the two cops had decided to bring her thecase anyways. Maybe they HAD seen her and that's why Lt. Franze was assigning it to her now. So to test the waters...Charlie said, "Which cops were those, Lt.?" He replied, "I don'treally know, their Sargent brought it to me and said they thought it required an analytical mindand requested you specifically. So you up for it?" He gave her his one eyebrow raised and his

lips pursed as if to say, 'you don't really have a choice here, so you better say yes.'Charlie responded with acknowledged honor, grabbed the file quickly and gave it a once-over.It was just as she had overheard. Car was left in a parking lot with no cameras. It was devoidof any trace, even of his own. Car had been identified by his family....her eyes skimmed downand then caught on a name...ALEX SILVERHAWK!?!?!His brother??? Oh crap. That meant it was a family member of a cop!Charlie was stunned and now knew why those two guys wanted the best on it. Boy in bluedeserves to know what happened to his family."Hey...Davidson. Can't you read that at your desk? Better yet, why don't you go down and


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check out the crime scene. They held it for you." Lt. Franze said with a dismissing annoyance.Blushing again for being caught as the 'tard, Charlie stood up quickly muttering somethingthat she didn't even know what; and was out, into her car within minutes.

When she reached the scene, the car was there just like the Lt. said but CSU was not.So she called them down. and started to her usual checkpoints. she noted that the parking lotshe was in, indeed did not have cameras, and neither did the one next to it...BUT!!! ' AHA!!'

she thought to herself. Looking across the street she noticed the parking lots there HADcameras! And there was a bus stop within the view of one of the cameras, Of course all thistook about an hour for her to figure out but as soon as she did, she called and got a report of when the buses came through that stop, and a copy of that camera that was in viewing of thestop. It was a stop motion camera, so she just had to hope it caught a view. For now she wasstuck up shit creek because none of the other cameras showed when the car was parked. Noone knew how long it had been there or who had parked it. So she made pictures of all thepeople that got on that bus from the night before til when it was discovered. That was whenshe made a call to her brother in blue, Alex Silverhawk.She felt a little choked doing this, knowing it might be hard for him to have to do this, but he'dalso would want to know where and what had happened to his brother. Alex picked up after

one ring, "Hello?" er 3

Chapter Three6/2610:12 a.m.

Well Alex had called and we had a date for 2:30p.m. which was when our scheduleswould allow us to take a break. I tried to keep my focus on the American Eskimo on the table

in front of me, he had swallowed staples and they were stuck in his intestines.I worked delicately, around the lower intestines with long scissor like instruments with atweezer slanted point(hemostats if you want technical), trying to extract the staples. I hadgotten lucky, they were industrial sized staples.My assistant went right after my scissors with a microscopic camera so that we could seewhere we were poking and prodding. "Right there!" I said triumphantly after what seemed likean hour.I grabbed for the staples looping them up one side of the scissors and then closing down onthem with the other end of the scissors and pulling slowly out so as to not tear any of theremaining intestine. With a sigh of relief, from the rest of the team we closed up the animaland I left the nurses to clean up the scene and tell the owners the dog was okay.

Normally, I wouldn't have let an opportunity pass me by to kill off an animal and look in their eyes, but I have to be careful. I couldn't let too many die or suspicion would arise. But nowthat I had moved onto humans....well animals just didn't seem like viable targets anymore.

"Dr Burns?" Called out one of my assistants behind me while I cleaned up in mybathroom. I could see her in the reflection of my mirror. She also wasn't very attractive.Chestnut brown hair, nice green eyes I must admit, but covered in freckles that gave her thelook of a child, not to mention she had a pug nose and horribly widely spaced eyes."Yes?" I said in my professional voice, with a tinge of niceness."There is a man here for you. He says his name is Alex Silverhawk."


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Shit! How did he know where I worked! We were supposed to meet at the restaurant!"Okay, tell him I'll be right out" I said, controlling my demeanor. No one ever got me to breakmy mask of acting, I always kept it in place.I touched up my makeup, added a little lip gloss, flipped my hair, and smiled in the mirror so itwouldn't look fake when I went to smile at Alex.Perfect. I said to myself

I walked back out of my office down the hall and through the employees door to the front of the clinic.There standing in a little triangle trio was Alex, and two older people smiling as if they werewaiting for a view of the Pope.The older woman was tiny, bony, had a wide, pleasing smile, and orange curly hair.

The gentleman looked as if he was tall at one time but had a hump in his back that preventedhim from standing tall anymore. His hair was slicked back and pure black. He too was smilingbut they looked like dentures.Alex had them both by the arms and smiling at me from head to toe.I walked over to him and through smiling teeth so the older couple wouldn't hear I said, "Alexcould you please explain what is going on? I thought I said I would meet you at therestaurant.""I know I know," He said back quite loudly looking pleased as punch, "But when Luke'sparents heard that I was meeting you they just had to meet you, since Luke talked so highly of you.And they were about to meet you when he disappeared."There was one of two ways I could take this, I could smile and just be estatic that I wasgetting to meet them and play off that I considered them like family and just was happy thewhole time. Or, I could just be sad the whole time, even with the fact that they were there.Well a good girlfriend would want the parents to be happy I surmised so I put out my patentedcharming smile, and said, "Oh my Gosh! It is just so great to finally meet you! Luke talkedabout you so much!" and I leaned forward to give them each a bear hug."So you don't mind me springing them on you as a surprise?" Alex said with a smile."No way!" I tossed back laughing "I am just so happy that we could all be together in this greattime of need."I stepped between Alice and George(as I learned their names were) and put my arms loopedthrough theirs and Alex looped his through Alice's.We went down the street to the bistro I had suggested and began talking and reminiscingabout Luke.

"Well what you did know is that Luke and Alex were close. What you didn't know was thatAlex,was adopted by us when he was seven. Luke and Alex grew up as brothers practically!"Said Alice in a happy, tinkling voice.I looked over at Alex shocked, so there is more to this man than meets the eyes, huh.Looking at him looking so vulnerable there and then look at me with honest earnest.Like he wanted so desperately for me to accept him. I thought again with such a deepexcitement that it would definitely be fun to look into his eyes to see what he would see whenhe died. Of course during all this rhetoric, my eyes showed sympathy and a burning(gaspcould that be? Oh I am so evil) dawning love. Alex looked at me with excitement and hope ineyes.As if he couldn't hope for more.


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That night, after work I got a call from Alex. He wanted to come over, hang out andwatch movies or whatever, he said, 'He just really wanted to be around me at that time'I knew why he did. He was a very good looking guy, but shy. He was used to blonde modelLuke, with his wonderful personality stealing the scene. Well it's Alex's time. I will make Alexfeel wonderful. Give him the greatest time for his last few months on Earth. And then I will

lovingly and gently take his life away. And while he gasps for his last few breaths. He will notonly know that I did it, but that I did Luke that way too.Half an hour later, Alex was standing at my door. With a grin on his face. I pulled him

inside the door, I was lost in his face, he is different than most guys, he shows all hisemotions on his face. You can actually tell exactly what he is thinking and feeling by theexpression on his face. Suddenly, I wanted him. In the worst way. I led him through the den.He made like he was going to sit down but I wagged my finger at him, he looked at mequestioningly( I was almost getting high off his facial expressions), I smiled what I knew to bea sultry sexual expressionand licked my lips slowly. He suddenly knew what I wanted.And the eagerness for it came through on his face.We walked down a small hall past the bathroom on the right and the guest bedroom on theleft.down to the end to the master suiteOne of the very few situations where I can masterfully let go of my masks and let the true meshine through is when I am killing, and when I am having sex.I pull off the robe I was wearing and showed him the black lace bustier, with lace stockingsclipped to it, and the three inch high heels that I am wearing. He swallows, hard.I laugh.I step toward him and undo his belt sliding it off in one smooth motion. Then I pull off his shirtand undershirt. I go for the pants and he makes a move towards me, I dance out of his graspand wave my finger at him, no no no...I move towards him again and pull down his pants andboxers at the same time. I bend down to get his shoes and socks off so I can get his pants allthe way off.He is standing naked, and I am standing in my neglige.I reach for him and pull him close, he is already hard but as soon as he feels the feathers andthe silk of my outfit rubbing up against him he grows harder.I smile, and make a show of unclipping each stocking and flipping my shoes off. I undo mybustier and take off my g-string. Now we are both fully naked and he standing there staring atme like he's in a desert and I am the first drink of water he's had in weeks.I can't stand the suspense so I push him down on the bed and start running kisses on him.He comes to life, he rolls me over and licks and sucks on my nipples. Runs his penis on clit,driving me nuts. He kisses the whole of my body, I bite his lower ear and on his neck, just onthe carotid. He moans. "Do you want it?" He says muffled by my ear. Ooh that's new, no onehas ever teased me before, I thought. I kind of like this. "Tell me you want it." He says lickingmy nipples, teasing them with his teeth and still rubbing his cock on my clit.Oh this tease, I am not very good with teases.So I whisper, "Yes"

"What did you say?" he asked rubbing his lips against my neck"Yes I want it!" I said as loud as I couldHe takes a handful of my hair and yanks backward, not harshly but firmly,and tingles run down my spine.He shoves his dick inside me and I gasp at the feeling and at how wet I am.


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This man I thought I would control, just took control of the situation!I looked him in the eyes, trying to find some grasp of the what I had before,He looked down at me the way I had been looking at him before,animalistic, like he wanted to devour me alive. Eat me,Watch the last second of my life.Oh! Wow!

And suddenly, we were riding.Riding back and forth,the sensation was amazingI had never had that feeling with anyone else before"OH MY GOD!"We screamed at the same time.He collapsed on top of me.I lifted his head just to see if he still had that look in his eyes.But they were closed.I need to see his eyes,To seeWell to know,is he just like me?A killer?And if so,What will I do?


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6/27/200910:06p.m.

I had to think. And I couldn't think at home. For some reason, my sanctuary, the oneplace where I always had to escape to, I couldn't think in. It felt stifling. Alex and I had fallenasleep on my bed, sideways and when I woke up the next morning, he was gone. He calledme through my office the next day to ask me if I wanted to grab dinner that night but I beggedoff saying I had a late seminar on amounts of chocolate really causing worms in cats anddogs.Really, I was sitting in a bar, on a Wednesday night. It was a dive, but I was not worried sinceI had been trained in Kung Fu Wushu. But still it was pretty stupid for a woman of my looksand style to be sitting alone in a bar at ten o' clock at night. But I didn't care. I couldn't getAlex's face out of my head. Not the sad sappy face that looked at me during the day, but thatone last night. That looked at me as if HE were the killer and I were the prey. It wasn't scary or disconcerting it was...it was...a TURN-ON!! And now I have to know, does he do the samethings I do? Does he put on a mask the way I do? Have I met an equal? I have to get mymind off these things. Which brings me to why I am here. Luke would not be the type of guy Iwould kill, the type of men I would go after would be here. The grunge and decrepit drudgeryof society. The bottom feeders that barely scraped off the underneath of my shoes, thesewould be the men I would hunt and kill, these would be my prey."Heeey there, whas' a lady like yoo doin' here?" said a voice that was obviously wasted.Bingo!I put on my best come hither smile on and said in a half teasing, half sultry voice, "Lookingfor a guy like you." It wasn't a lie. He was six foot four, had tight jeans with cowboy boots on.An ample belly that was cinched to hangover by a loud belt. He wore a faded plaid shirt and a

tan, torn up cowboy hat. His face had more lines than a football field and yet I had the feelingthat he probably wasn't much older than me. His lower lip bulged which told me he had thegross habit of chewing tobacco. And probably had the macho Ideals that women were cutelittle things that just couldn't do what men could. 'Oh this is gonna be so easy' I thought tomyself with smugness."Have a seat cowboy." I said with a sly grin. The need for a kill was overriding all my other senses and had made me cocky. But I kept my needs in check and paid attention whiletalking to him for any signs that might make me a piece of toast,like a hidden gun, or knife inhis belt loop, the gun would be bulging from his pants ankle since he had no jacket on, butthere was no sign of any sort of weapon. "So tell me about yourself, first, by the way, what'syour name?" I said sliding in closer to him. Whoa! The smell of whiskey was strong on him.

And sour too. Which meant he had been drinking for days without changing clothes or brushing his teeth, yuck. "Wehll mah name is Andrew. Ahm a pilot. Ah cahn get yooanywhere yoo wahnt to go." he said with a vapid smile and watery eyes.I was sick already of talking to him and only hoped he was as stupid as he appeared to be.He asked me my name and I told him a lie, I said it was Brenda.We continued to small talk for about two hours, at which time he offended me(Isabelle,Brenda just continued to laugh and put her arm around his),tried to pay for the tab butcouldn't so instead of asking me to pay just got quiet until I paid and then smiled at me said Iwas a good lil lady...at least that's what I think he said because he was slurring pretty bad by


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then.And when we stood up he smacked my ass real hard, and said I had a tight little thing andthat's why he picked me(as if in any other woman in the world would let him have the chance)Oh yeah. I picked the right one alright. He'll be perfect for the kill. I only hope that when I endhis life he would be really interesting to watch.

I told him to stand outside and not go anywhere. I told him if he was good and waitedthere I would give him something special. I could only hope he would behave because I hadworked too hard to go looking for another target tonight. I walked to my car and moved itdown the street to my clinic which was close to the bar(which is why I had picked it)and I walked back up the street to the bar where I found Andrew still standing there, almost asif he were in a trance."Okay Cowboy, let's take your truck and go to your place" I said struggling with my smile asthe whiff of whiskey hit my nose full force again."Okay," he said simply and reached into his pants pocket strugglin' to pull out his keys, whilewalking. After he finally managed this, I swooped in and gracefully took them from his handssaying lightly, "I'll drive!" But he got this look of disgust on his face and pulled the keys backfrom me with a not so graceful swoop and said, "No lady is drivin' my baby!"I sighed and decided to just let him, obviously someone who spent as much time as he didgetting drunk would know how to drive drunk. Right? He leads me to his truck and when wegot there I had to clamp my teeth shut so I wouldn't gawk at what he called his "baby" it wasthis REALLY old beat up pale blue Ford, it looked like it was an F-100(so what, yeah I know alittle about cars and trucks...only the old ones though) so that says it's like before thefifties???He wasn't a true gentleman though, he unlocked his door and climbed in and then reachedover to unlock my door. I rolled my eyes in the dark and climbed in on my side.The seats were all torn up and a spring was digging into my butt but I grinned through it allbecause I was going to get my wish in the end. While we were in the bar I had managed toget a full view of the guy and I noticed he carried no guns or knives, now I just had to hopethat when I went to kill him(I already had my method) he had no access to knives or gunsbefore I managed to take his life. Him being drunk was to my advantage though.He pulled out of the parking lot and looked lost for a second. 'Whoa boy, I sure hopes heknows where he's going because I sure don't' I thought to myself.But then he turned left and we squeaked and bounced down the road.finally we pulled up to an apartment complex in a bad side of town.I felt relatively good about this because it was unlikely that anyone would notice any soundsor report anyone dead until a smell started to build.We got out and headed up the wrought iron stairs. No one was peeking out blinds, nor standing on the landscape. Which meant luck was on my side.This time however I had no hemlock, no boning knife, or anything to neatly dispose of thebody so I had to be careful of the DNA and fingerprints I left behind.We went to the third floor and walked across the landscape til we reached apartment number 1511. He fumbled with his keys some more, and I felt like grabbing them from his hands andunlocking the door for him but I knew he wouldn't tolerate that.He finally got the door opened and turned on the light.It smelled in there, of sour whiskey and tobacco and spit.I have a secret vice, smoking. I hardly ever do it.And never in public. It's my relaxing habit that I do after something incrediblystressful or wonderful. But it's mine and I keep secret lest someone somehow makes me feel


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time thing."I smiled, and it was a true smile. And in the back of my head I heard a part of me say 'Uh-oh'"No, I just felt weird going from Luke and then being with you, it somehow made me feelguilty, I mean what if Luke comes back?" I asked and then held my breath. I just wanted tosee what Alex's reaction would be, I wanted to know that the other night was not a fluke, but areal other side to him, a side he keeps hidden, like me.

His next words sounded as if he said them carefully, "Well he is like my brother, but whatreally matters is what you think?"I answer just as carefully, "I like Luke, but...WHEN he comes back, I don't know, I foundsomething in you I just like a lot...maybe a lot more.""Okay then""So want to get together tonight?""Sure lets do takeout and an old movie at your place"I was definitely thinking about what it was going to be like looking into that face during sextonight.

6/28/2009

3:12a.m.

It's starting to heat up around here. In more than one way. At three in the morning it's anice, balmy 72 degrees. Charlie pulled in to the parking lot at precisely 3:12, the fan beltsqueaking on her '86 mustang, smoke starting to billow around the hood and it shuddered toa stop just inside the parking line. Taking another gulp on her overpriced coffee, Charliegroaned and staggered to stand outside the ran down apartment building. She stood there amoment in a daze, watching the cops go up and down the stairs in waves, and finished her cigarette.Detective? Said a baby face in blue, The M.E. And Crime Scene Unit is here, they'rewaiting upstairs.Give me the basics Charlie stated with a look that didn't really see him.

Well, He started then stopped, as if to catch his breath, and started to blurt it out, Call camein as possible home invasion from a neighbor, she said the door had been opened around2:30 and a blonde was seen leaving. The door was open and the neighbor peeked and called911, by the time we got here the guy was D.O.A..Charlie cut in while he drew a breath, A blonde woman?Yes ma'am the witness is upstairs if you want to talk to her. And baby face pointed to the topof the stairs where the waves of police presence was overwhelming.Charlie started a power walk form of running to get there. She bounded up the metal stairsalmost tripping on the last step, just to get to her witness sooner.The woman reminded her of some t.v. Grandma, her carrot orange hair in large foam curlers.She turned to face Charlie as she came half-assed up the last of the stairs.The woman seemed surprised and Charlie realized how she must look and adjusted her appearance. Taking a deep breath, Charlie flashed her badge and began to try to calmlyquestion her. Can you tell me what you saw this morning?The lady licked her lips and began to retell what she saw, Well I was up watching t.v. When Iheard something on the landing. I just happened to look out as a blonde woman was leavingthe landing.Charlie stopped her there, Can you elaborate more on the woman? She was blonde, but


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could you see her face? Her height? Clothing?Grandma pursed her lined lips and shook her head in thought, No I didn't see her face buther blonde hair was light and long, she wore a simple top and jeans. And she was probably astall as you are. I didn't really pay attention to her since I noticed the apartment door open atthe time.Again Charlie stopped her, What made you think something was wrong with the apartment

door being open?Grandma looked at her in disbelief, Honey, first of all it's after three in the morning, no oneleaves their apartment open then, and second- We live in the worst area! Besides I know thatold drunk, he's stupid but not reckless. Anyhow I didn't at first think anything was wrong. Itwas when I went to let my cat in that I noticed the door was still open. I called 911 first thenwent to investigate. That's when I saw him on the floor...I could see from the doorway hewasn't breathing, and his eyes...well I know enough t.v. To not touch anything. Plus, I justcouldn't go in there, with him.Charlie looked at the woman's thickly lined face, noticed the emptiness that crossed her eyesbriefly. That was a pull at her heart strings. That woman had probably seen too much in her time and this is just the kicker, Charlie thought with empathy. She reached out and placed her hand on the woman's shoulders. Thank you so much for your information ma'am. If you needto talk to someone about this I can put you in touch with Grief Counseling services.Carrot top grandma smiled thinly up at the Detective, Oh sweetie, this isn't enough to sendme to the shrinks.Charlie smiled back at the woman and a memory of her own sweet curly haired grandmacame to mind.Charlie started from her reverie and wiped an eyelash from her eye. Turning to the openapartment door, she stalked into the room and took a look around. Really it was only a room,a bedroom/den/kitchen room with a side area cornered off for a toilet and shower.Immediately to her left was a card table and two chairs. On the table was a cheap bottle of whiskey and a glass that was being printed, tagged and bagged at that moment. Charliecontinued her purveyance of the room, noting the formica counters and matching cabinets, anold fridge that would make ecologists scream, The wall shaped L and in the middle wasstopped by the three-fourths bathroom. On the other side of the bathroom was a mirroredcloset, open on one side and had barely any clothing in it. On the adjacent wall sat a sofa bedand all walls were bare. About the only things of color in the room was a rusty red toolbox inthe center. Oh yeah, and the body.M.E. Adams was bent over the victim with what looked like an oversized meat thermometer.She was moving her lips as she checked his body and checked the thermometer.Hey Adams, got a time of death and etc? Charlie sighed out tiredly. She liked the M.E. Wellenough as they'd worked along side on many cases before.Adams was quiet for a second and then she seemed to come back to reality and startedtalking, Well his liver temp. is moot since the doors been open and the AC is off. But I'd sayby looks and rigor, it says he's been dead no more then two to three hours at the most. I haveno cause of death apparent, unless you account his eyes being glued open...Geoff help meroll over Mr. De Lac. M.E. Adams and Geoff grunt in unison as they lift the hulk remains of the man. Okay, Continued Adams, So I have to do an autopsy because there is no signs of trauma, and for the lids of the eyes to be glued open- She paused and pointed out the clear hard glue squeezing the tops of the eyelids to the bottom of his eyebrows - This is the onlytrauma I can find and even more disgusting is that CSU has been all over this...room, and hasfound no prints, or trace...they still have the vacuum Adams looks around the scene and upat Charlie with a sudden realization saying, You know deductive stuff is your thing, but there


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is no theft, no apparent gang relations, and unless this real winner of a victim was cut downby his wife, assuming one would marry this guy- then this is something altogether different for a murder. Adams was on a roll now and got wound up as her mind made leaps and jumps,Hey, gluing the eyelids...wouldn't that be a signature? A ...signature for a serial killer?And there it was, the thought that had been tugging at Charlies' consciousness. She'd beenavoiding it all this time but since baby face said, blonde woman her mind had been racing.

Charlie didn't have time for that yet, had to keep mind focused on the present til shegets back something conclusive.So any cause of death? Charlie asked hopefully.Well, started M.E. Adams, I'd say by the needle mark I just found on his left side of his neckhe was injected with something lethal. And whatever it was, it was an instant death. Adamspaused for a second then continued on, The eyelids I believe were glued after death. Withthat Dr. Regina Adams, M.E., finished with As you very well know, I won't know the wholestory til I get him back to autopsy. She motioned over two assistants to bag up the body andtransport downstairs to the van.Turning to face Detective Charlie Davidson she looked... oddly happy, exhilarated even, andshe knew she should feel badly. Instead she tries, and fails, to look sad for the guy.Charlie knew better than to think Regina could possibly be a sicko that gets off on death. Noshe knew that the M.E. Just really loved her work. To find the truth behind a death. Charlie feltthat way, and knew it was what made her so great at her job. She just wanted to find the truth,to deduct a singularity out of a general mass. 'I have to know why' Charlie thought to herself as she trudged downstairs. She was never satisfied with the answers she got but that justlead her onto the next case, the next why.

Before Charlie could climb back into her car, she was stopped, again by baby face inblue. She looked quickly at his name tag- Officer Connors.Ma'am? Connors said with his hand out reaching.Yes?Um, I wanted to tell you that CSU found a single hair strand, not belonging to the victim. It'sblonde but doesn't ...uh- hang on, Connors paused to pull out his notebook and half readingsaid, Okay, I quote- The hair doesn't have the follicular tag still attached. What does thatmean anyways? The CSI I asked said not to worry you'd know.Charlie smiled at the rookie, It just means the hair doesn't have a root still on it, that we cantest for DNA. It just means more circumstantial evidence.Connors smiled appreciatively at Davidson, Thanks for telling me. And anyways, CSU saysto stop by before heading back to the station. They've got other evidence that may interestyou.Thanks, Connors. Heading out now. Charlie said as she got into her mustang, purplesparkle was the paint color and hers was a hatchback. She'd had this car practically her whole life; she'd inherited it from her brother when he joined the military. He died in DesertStorm and Charlie just could never part with the car ever since.She sat back in her seat, lighting up a cigarette, and feeling finally free to dare those

thoughts she'd been repressing, into motion.'Isabelle,' Charlie thought to herself, 'Why this guy? And there is the body...are you gettingsloppy? The hair strand had no root, but it's there; a woman saw you leaving...WHY WHYWHY???'Charlie started the car up and headed towards the lab to talk to CSU, which would lead to themorgue stop to pick up any other info. She grabbed her over priced coffee and took a hugeslug of it, balancing the wheel with her knee she then took a huge hit off her cigarette and


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thought about how long the day would seemingly be today.Charlie had a feeling that Isabelle is just getting warmed up.-----------------------------------------------------------=---------------------------------------------------------------

6/30/09

6:39p.m. After work I went back to my penthouse apartment and straightened up a bit, then foundmyself a bit restless so I wound up in the bathroom touching up my lipstick and fixing my hair.'Wait I am actually trying to impress him? What am I thirteen??' I made a disgusted look in themirror and stuck my tongue out at myself. I was glad I didn't have to sit with my thoughts toolong because the doorbell rang right after that and I rushed to the door like I had been waitinghours for him to get here. I stopped behind the door and took a deep breath to calm myself and made it seem like I hadn't just ran to the door. The bell rang again, and I opened the door.Alex was standing there with chinese food and two movies in his arms. He grinned a sheepishgrin at me and I looked at him; studied his face, looking for a flaw in his mask...of courseforgetting about my own in the process. He noticed the look of scrutiny and he looked at mequestioningly and asked,"What is it? Do I have a booger hanging or something?" and hesmiled letting me know it was just a joke. I let my true feelings show on that one. I rolled myeyes, letting him know that that was a lame one. But I opened my door wider. He came in andgot busy setting up the chinese food, it was amazing it was as if he knew right where everydish was in my kitchen. So I asked him, "How do you know where every dish is?" Hesmiled,"You're a classic A personality, everything is in the most convenient place, where itwould make sense to put it."That I knew from reading the history of psych. now a days most psychologists don't followsuch constraining models for diagnosing personalities since most people were a combinationof A and B, something that I called C personality. 'But not me,' I thought to myself, 'I am totally

and proudly A.' and as if reading my thoughts, Alex then said, "Most people are not soseverely one personality or another but I've noticed you are sharply A personality" he lookedup at me and for once looked at me with a piercing look like he was really seeing me, and notwith a mask on.I didn't like it although I usually and defiantly keep someone's gaze I broke the look andturned to look at the clock pretending to notice what time it was. 'Damn,' I thought to myself, 'If we were dogs I'd just gave him dominance'. To change the atmosphere in the room, Ishrugged and fell on my couch and said, "so what'd you get?" Trying to act all nonchalant, butat the same time trying to get a read off his energy. Yes I had read up on all that hippy mumbo

jumbo, although most of it was bull, I did know that people exuded heat and energy. We evengave off more energy for our size than the Sun did. Meaning if it were our size, it wouldn't give

any more heat off than a cell phone."Chicken and egg fried rice, and two cheesy old horror movies," he said, with a wrinkle of hisnose. I glanced up sharply at him, almost surprised. 'How the fuck does this guy know me?'Again he answers my thoughts. "You just don't seem like a romance chick, and these are myfave movies.""Yeah," I said a little defiance in my voice, "What about the Chicken, fried rice?""Well, everyone loves that...don't they?" he said with a laugh.I relaxed a little as he brought the plates over, and thought little else about him knowing thereal me as we pigged out and laughed over 'Evil Dead 2' and 'Army of Darkness'


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Later that night, we had a tearing of clothes and an almost frenetic type of sex.It seemed we were hungry again, and only the taste of each other would do it for us.As we both struggled for dominance, one rolling on top of the other, which only lasted for seconds- then switched again, we seemed to not only taste, but tear. Not only claw, but rip.Not only cling, but shred. The room seemed to almost swelter with our heat as we poundedhard into each other, grasping to be closer, not wanting to in, but part of each other, melded

into one.It seemed in that rare second that we almost needed each other. My hair was plasteredagainst my body as I was taking my precious seconds on top, my back arched, I raised myhead as if I were an animal about to howl to the mother moon. I looked back down and lickedmy lips to smile at my mate. My Equal, animal. He stared at me with vicious eyes, like he too,wanted to not only be apart of me, but to slowly taste me, eat me alive as I screamed inecstasy.And suddenly, I did.I rolled up off him and laid as far away as I could, I hate touching and cuddling after sex.Especially after something so raw. And especially after being so sweaty, yuck.But then I felt him...reach an arm...around my waist....and his head nuzzle my neck.He whispered in my ear, "You are so great."It made my stomache drop in dismay. 'Oh no,' I thought. 'He's not like me. He can't see what Iam. He just made the biggest mistake of his life!' I thought I was going to puke as his handsdid soft circles on my stomache and sides. I hated any type of mushy affection. Especiallymurmuring in my ear. It really just grosses me out. I sighed. I felt as if all the air was suckedout of the room and I had to force it back into my lungs. And suddenly I was cold. The roomhad been stifling a minute ago. Filled with the dirty smell of sex. It was great. Now it smelledlike...like medicine. Ugh! I laid there stiff as a board waiting for Alex to fall asleep, just as Iknew he would. Men always fall asleep quickly. But the minutes were excruciatingly slow,they just ticked by on a giant pendulum, forcing someone to sleep or fall under hypnosis.I felt charged with feverish energy. I wanted to jump up and scream. I wanted to tear my hair out and point to him and yell, 'You are not who I thought you were. you are an imposter!' Andthen kill him. Not because he is the type that I must take out, the ones that I like to kill. Butbecause he is not fit to be. He is lower than me. Weak. If I were to try and stay with him. Iwould just...use him, treat him like my pet. Only I hate pets. I tried and tried to have pets. But Iended up killing them. They would just ANNOY me with their endless needs! Affection, andgrooming, and feeding. UGH! Why didn't they just leave me alone! I could just kill him rightnow. I turned my head ever so slightly to glance at him. His eyes were closed, but his breathswere still irregular. I could sit my naked body on his face, let HIS juices flow out and onto hisnose and mouth; to choke his poor body to death. And watch his sad, sappy, eyes look up atme with love, and loss, like why did I do this to him? But that wouldn't bring me satisfaction,that wouldn't make me happy, exhilarated, and feel powerful. It's taking out the ones that thinkthey're better than me, stronger than me, think they have all the power. Those are the funones. 'Besides,' I thought with dismay to myself 'Everyone would think it really strange thattwo guys almost brothers that I had dated, and I was the last either two saw; disappeared.' Irealized I would have to do it the old fashioned way. Either painfully put up with him for threemonths and then dump him. Or just wig the fuck out on him now and HOPE he dumps me. Ilooked over at him again. THANK GOD!! He was breathing deeply and slowly.I eased myself out as quickly and gently as I could. Got dressed and left the apartment.It was only 12:30a.m. and around here that's when things just get started.This time I planned ahead, I took with me only my keys, I.D.( I am in my early thirties but stillget carded for even cigarettes. Ha, some compliment right?), my newly acquired super glue,


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and tucked in my back pocket a cheap pair of gloves.I walked down the street in jeans, a low-cut, sky blue top and had my crowning glory all

pulled up and tucked under a Giants baseball cap. Since it's the most recognizable part of me, it's best to keep it out of view. I had the bill of the cap pulled way down low and walkedfast, I wanted no trouble.I had money for the bus, but that was about it. Hey in Vegas, a girl never has to pay for her

drinks. Especially, when she's all alone. I stopped at the dingy bus stop and had a seat on thebrown painted metal bus bench. Looking at my watch I realized I timed it just right. Fiveminutes to wait. I sat back and lounged and thought about the bar I was going to.Being in this town long enough, you know just about every bar, lounge and good restaurant.I've been to it once, so no one should know me there. But it's seedy and cheap, caters to thecollege and military crowd, so I'm sure to meet a guy there that's JUST my type. I smiled inthe darkness to myself as I thought about the possibilities. Again, I have no direct plan. But Iam a master of thinking on my feet. And knowing these type of guys, they make it so easy for me.Somehow, someway, Whoever or Whatever, is on my side, and it will happen, in just the rightway. I looked up as I hear the heavy switching of gears and noticed the bus coming up to thestop.

It's a little early, which is unusual but lucky, in my case. Yeah, I believe in luck. You have to.Sometimes things just happen, and you can't explain it. I climbed onto the bus, dropped themoney into the container and start walking down the highly lit aisle. The bus driver didn't evenlook over at me. Neither did any of it's few passengers. I headed towards a seat in the middle.One of the short bucket seats that makes it impossible for anyone to sit with you. And I lookedout the window waiting for my stop to come up. It's a straight shot down Rainbow but it's along one. I'll be going all the way to Sahara, so I'm lookin at 45 minutes to an hour. I didn'tbring anything to read or occupy my time. It would've made the time pass by more quickly butif I had to leave the scene in a hurry, I didn't want to leave anything behind. So I gazed out atthe lights as they slowly passed by. The bus driver was cheating. He was supposed to stop atevery stop and wait a few seconds, in case anyone came running up. But any stop that didn'talready have someone waiting at it, he just ran on by it. I half smiled, it'll make my trip thatmuch faster, but that was typical of the bus drivers here. I sat back, sighing quietly, andcontinued to stare out the window.I saw my animal clinic out the window and knew we were close. For some reason I felt thatsticking by there was my safe zone. It's actually quite dangerous. But if I couldn't get home or needed to make a call, or something went wrong, I could just run there and use the keys toget in. Fix myself up(I am a doctor, maybe of animals but I do know a little bit about humananatomy), or call for help(although I don't know who I'd call, or how I'd explain it 'Yeah I wastrying to kill a guy..'), or I could just hide out there til the time had passed. Anyways, everyoneknew that a killer used a certain geographical area that was familiar to them or held some sortof significance.I was so lost in reverie, that I almost forgot to keep track of the streets but suddenly westopped because someone had pulled the rope, and I looked up. I realized I was here. 'Abouttime' I thought with excitement.

I got up and walked off the bus, and waited for it to pass before I crossed the street tothe bar.I pulled the Giants hat off, shook my hair out, and did what my cousin and I had always called"poppin fresh" when we were thirteen. Which was to readjust our boobs to make them pop upmore. I opened the door to the bar and walked in. I stopped, adjusted my mask to look sexyand a little shy, and opened the inner door to the bar where I was blasted by cigarette smoke


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and music.I could see dozens of eyes looking at me, but of course I pretended not to notice. I

pretended to look around in vain for a seat at the bar, inching closer til I was in offeringdistance.Many guys shot up, but I shook my head shyly at them saying softly, "Oh I couldn't."Til I spotted the guy, I wanted. He didn't offer me his chair, but the red headed geek did next

to him, "He-he-here you go Miss." I looked at the little worthless turd, with a sultry smile andsaid "Why thank you so much." I sat down, and allowed him to push the seat up for me. Onlyafter he did all this fussing for me did he realize he just set the guy up next to him for his shot.

I turned to the guy next to me, who had his head lifted in the air and was slowly suckingon his cigar, squinting as the smoke hit his eyes, looking as if he were pondering life'sgreatest question. He was wearing a suit, a nice one. Double breasted, gray, with fine yellowpin stripesred kerchief, purple tie and shiny black shoes. 'Car salesman' I thought to myself withsatisfaction, 'Oh he is sooo going to be easy, but so not fun. Because they're manipulativebastards' I sat back in my chair and continued to openly admire him. I could smell his cologneand mixed with his cigar smell, which was very cheap, though I'd bet he'd tell me they wereexpensive, it was nauseating. I looked away to the guy on the other side, he was a coollooking guy; bald, covered in tattoos and piercings, even his head was tattooed. I nudged him,and he gave me a cool look. "Hey do you mind if I bum a smoke?" I asked bluntly not trying toplay the sweetness because a guy like him wouldn't buy it. He gave me the once over andnodded agreement before looking away. I grabbed a marlboro red and lit it up. It was likeheaven as I sucked on that cancer stick. I turned back to Mr. Grease, that's what I called himbecause his hair was slicked back, with what I would've called Crisco if he was too cheap buthe prolly used something expensive like, bed head. Anyways, like any of my type of guys,they were cocky enough that they were interested in me. But this one liked to play games,thought he was too hot to make the first move...so I did. Hey I'm not above it. I gave him mybest I wanna eat you smile and said, "I like your suit." He turned to me slowly as if noticing mefor the very first time...but his eyes gave him away. He tried to drop his voice an octave tosound sexy and said, "Thank you,It cost about $300, I bought it at Brooks Brothers." First of all, anyone who had that muchmoney to spend wouldn't bother to mention the amount they spent on it, unless they werenouveau riche. Second, it was no Brooks Brothers, I could tell, I worked there to put myself through college, the pin striping wasn't sharp enough. And, well it didn't look tailored. But Ifollowed his hook, "Really?" I exclaimed in an awed voice, "I have just never spent thatamount of money on an outfit before."He looked me up and down, appreciatively, of course resting his eyes on my breasts, andsaid, "Hmmm, I would take you to the shops down in the Forum, They have these beautifuldresses that would fit you nicely...If it were okay with your boyfriend, of course."I blushed and looked down and said as shyly as I could, "Oh I don't have a boyfriend. Justbroke up with mine actually, and moved out here for a fresh start." I smiled at him really bigand asked brightly, "What do you do for a living?""Oh...this and that" He said vaguely waving his hand in the air. Oh I couldn't let him go on thatone. So I said as, girly as possible, "So you're a salesman, huh?" He actually looked at mefor the first time with interest, like person interest and not sexual interest. "Yes, luxury cars,actually. How did you know?" I smiled secretively and said, "Well usually when you don't wantsomeone to know what you do, you're in sales." And I laughed like a little girl and tried to playit off as I was still a dumb blonde. Then I looked at him playfully, "What kind of cars do yousell?"


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He puffed up with pride and said knowingly, "Lexus." I almost scoffed, a Lexus?? Seriouslythough. Those are just shined up Toyotas. That's like saying you sell a Honda like it's an Audi.Jesus who does this guy think he is? My next kill, is who!! So I put out that same name as Idid before.I put out my hand and say, "My name is Brenda Morris. What's yours?"He looked at me intensely and said in his 'sexy' voice, "my name is Dave Wellie"

"Nice to meet you" I said looking at him with a sexual shyness.I tried not to grip his hand firmly and give away my direct behaviors, but he was crushing myhand trying to show me how strong he was.We talked a little aimlessly about this and that. He became more and more friendly as timewent on, even ordered me a drink. When I went to ask the bald guy for another cigarette,which he just smiled and said have the whole pack, I turned back and noticed my drinkingwas fizzing a little. 'Hmmm he thinks I'm dumb enough to not notice he just slipped mesomething.'

I smiled at him and he grinned back at me. I lit my cigarette and slowly blew the smokeout trying to think of some way to get rid of the drink or get it replaced without him noticing.Suddenly he glances over me, "Excuse me for a second," He says squeezing my arm a littleand gets up to go say hi to some other guy. 'Good his back is turned from me' I thought with asmile. Dave being the macho man that he was earlier had ordered the same thing for me thathe was drinking. Grey goose on the rocks. So quickly while his back was still turned, Iswitched the glasses and took a big sip of mine to make him smile in confidence when hecame back....and to not notice that his now was the more full glass. I sat back and startedcounting in my head how many drinks I had had, I had to be careful. Too many and it wouldn'tmatter if the roofie Dave slipped had been switched out of my drink, I would be too drunk todo anything and my plan would be ruined.But I was okay, I had one more drink I could have and then I would have to stop.Just then Dave came back. I smiled at him trying to look a little dazed so he would think I waseither a little loopy or the roofie was starting to kick in.He smiled big at me and took a big drink of his glass without looking at it."Sorry about that, that was a co-worker just coming in from a club off the strip. He said it washopping tonight." He leaned in a little closer and ran one finger up and down my bare arm,lazily, as if he thought I would like it. 'Boy this guy is all class' I thought to myself with barelycontained disgust, 'First he acts like he doesn't even notice me, then he trys to get me drunk,then drugs me, and now is all over me like I am a last meal.' I tried hard not to roll my eyes. Ilooked down at his hand and allowed my eyes to slowly travel up to his and gave him my bestbedroom smile. "That feels good." I said slowly as if I was trying not to slur, and then trying togive a subconscious gesture I sluggishly reached for my glass of pure vodka and took a sip.For me a tiny sip, almost no sip at all, because I was trying to watch my alcohol intake at thispoint. He took the hint, and grabbed his glass, being the man that he was, he downed it inone drink. I quietly smiled. Bingo!I grabbed my head and giggled. "Wow! I think I've had too much to drink." And giggled again. Ireached out and grabbed ahold of his tie, leaning in to touch his forehead with mine. "What doyou say we blow this joint." I said this time slurring my words a little to let him know he'd hithome. He smiled widely and grabbed his keys and cigars. I felt fine letting him drive because Iknew it'd be close to thirty minutes before that roofie kicked in, and anywhere in the valleytakes you thirty minutes to get to. He pulls back my chair, like he's suddenly a gentleman andhalf grabs my arm half loops it through and we start walking to the door. Suddenly I feel a pullon my arm. I turn back to see who it is and see the tattooed bald guy looking at me. "You sureyou wanna go with this guy?" He asks through gritted teeth. And he looks at the guy like he's


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ground beef and he's a hungry pit. I smiled a genuine smile at him, and leaned in to whisper real quietly, "Yes, I'm stronger than I look. What's your name?"He looks at me quizzically and says "Dean""Thanks Dean. For... the ciggies"And I walked out the bar with Dave.Again the false chivalry ended when we got to the car a much older, obviously used Lexus.

He beeped the car unlocked and crawled in the driver's side, I grinned to myself and got inthe passenger's."What'd you say to him" he asked in a severe tone.I had expected this."I told him I had looked in your eyes and saw nothing scary so I trusted you."He relaxes when I say this and we start our drive to his house.We head in the direction of my house and I thought 'Ooh Lady luck',maybe I wouldn't have to risk the bus again, I can just walk the streets.I still didn't know how I was going to kill him though.Dave obviously didn't like silence so he starts asking me questions about where I come from,what brought me here, and why did I break up with my boyfriend.I have this whole idea of what I thought Brenda Morris is like. So I tell him about a smallmountain town in Colorado and how I had loved it but I felt cramped there.And then I had met a handsome man named Alan, and we had fallen in love.But Alan had turned vicious when I said I wanted something more than marriage and a housewith a white picket fence. He wanted me barefoot and pregnant and I didn't want that. So Istarted taking birth control behind his back and he started whipping me when he found it.Then for fun he choked me while we had sex. I honestly didn't know where this was comingfrom but it just sounded fun. Soon I ran out of what to say, before I could come up with more, Iwould need a little time to evolve this character. But Dave took my silence, as either embarrassment, or a die off of trauma too deep to tell. I chance a glance at him, and his faceis contorted. Uh-oh, I think in dismay, Ive started somethingBefore I have to shield myself from his pathetic life story; we pull up to some homes. Far outin the rural area; they were model homes and cheap. He pulls up to one that looked like acookie cutter of all the others, and it was good because the inability to move effect of theroofie was starting to kick in on him."What's wrong with me?" He says in a small voice as his arms fall to his side and his headlolls backwards.Now was the time for the real me to come out. I grabbed his head and turned him to look mein the eyes. "Awww, you didn't think you'd get away with me not seeing that roofie did you?"And his eyes looked shocked.I dug my nails into his scalp and snapped his head back, "What were you gonna do, Bitch!Huh, did your plan to drug and rape me not go so well? I glared at him for a second thensmiled,"Oh I am soo gonna have fun with you!"And I got out of the car and came around to the other side to get him out.

I reached under his armpits and lifted him. Good old adrenaline had kicked in and I draggedhim in through the garage door and up the stairs to his room. His master bedroom took up thewhole top of the second floor and was very open. I hadn't touched anything yet but thedownstairs doorknob. So I reached into my back pocket and put the gloves on.I started searching through his whole room.I found dildos, vibrators, ropes, SILK ropes, blindfolds, CLAWED cat-o-nine tails,strings of beads, astro-glide, and various other toys that I just was not sick enough to know


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about.Old residual anger from my childhood came up and I dragged him to the bed.I carefully undressed him while he desperately tried to flop about.But his limbs were just too heavy and drunk for him to do anything with.He looked up at me with scared and wide eyes.I just grinned down at him with an evil little smile

"Don't worry I won't scar you" I said with a laugh.Just then I rolled him over and shoved what looked like a giant glass dildo up his ass- fast andhard.He screamed loud, I took it all the way out and shoved it back it in and he screamed again. Ileft it there in his ass, but moved to grab the cat o nine tails, the ones with the clawed metaltips. I slashed them quick and hard against his back making him scream,though not as loudas before, so I pulled the tail back and whipped it against his back again. The gashes on hisback already oozing blood as a deep penetration of the skin was reached. I glanced at theclaws on the toy and saw little pieces of flesh stuck to them.I began to feel nauseous and almost stopped; I am not one who tortures. I am one whomerely kills to reach an understanding of death.But then I started thinking about what he'd done to girls in the past, and what he'd had in mindfor me tonight and the instant rage washed over me; left me breathless.'No this will not do, he needs to know more pain, more suffering, before his eyes are dimmedout.' I suddenly got an idea and went into his bathroom. There, on the , laid a manicure set . Igrabbed the little pouch and started to look for what I needed. I found it. An orange stick thatmost use to push back their cuticles with would become an instrument of pain tonight.

Purposefully I walked into his room and dangled the orange stick from two fingers waving itin front of his face. He just looked scared but I know he had yet to realize what I was going todo to him. I grabbed him up under the shoulder of his left arm and flipped him over onto hisback. The dildo which was still in his ass, doubled over and bent upwards a little more intohim which caused him to cry out a little as the pain there had begun to numb a little.His dick, which for some odd reason was erect, was just laying there for me to expose andtorture. I grabbed onto the base of his penis and shoved the orange stick into his penial hole.This time the screams that erupted from his mouth carried a torture he'd not known, it camefrom deep within and had a gutteral quality to it.Just to make sure he knew the true pain of what he'd done to others, I pulled the stick all theway out which was covered in blood and then I stuck it back all the way in and screamed, "Ihope you get splinters in there!!" just as he sounded out again in pain.I felt sweaty, shaky, and exhausted. I had been wiped by the torture of this creature and hadalmost no energy to finish him off with. I would've stopped, but I heard the scream again. NotDave's scream but HERS ...That I couldn't block out. I shut my eyes but only saw her stare...that's when the thought of watching his eyes gave me a new burst of adrenaline andmade me feel ready to inflict the next part of torture.

Suddenly I had a great idea from something I had heard of in college.Auto asphyxiation. It's what kids did for erotic kicks or just because they wanted a high andwanted to still be straight edge. So they first do it in groups, they choke each other til theypass out and then wake up. But they get so into it, that they do it on their own, fix up a nooseon their bed, so they lean out and choke themselves. But sometimes they screw up, as theypass out, they lean harder and kill themselves. That's what I'll do! So I propped him up anddid ornate knots that I had learned when studying my hippie new age shit. Made it look erotic;Leaned him out against the bed post. I sat back and watched him as he choked. It didn't takelong and his legs and arms were so heavy he couldn't even reach up to claw at his neck.


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'Wow,' I thought in fascination as I saw him limply twist and turn, ' This sure isn't a roofie or GHB but it's fantastic, you're conscious and yet, paralyzed. He's one sick fucker. I bet he'seven sick enough to have found something that's out of your system quick.' I thought inalmost admiration. I would've liked this guy if he hadn't tried his bullshit out on me. But, wellhe's my type and he must be taken out.So I sat back with a self satisfied grin on my face and watched as the last seconds ticked

away. Half starting I realized I had forgotten the best part, I leaned over Dave's head anddropped three drops of super glue on each lid and held them to his eyebrows til it set.Finally it came down to it. He looked so scared of me. And then, and then, shit.

Nothing. He just stayed scared of me. Riveted looking at me. It was nice to know that I madethat piece of shit scared til he died. But I still didn't know. Maybe I was killing the wrong type.At least with animals they always died in peace. I started to clean up the place. I left the toysstrewn out like he was looking for that specific one. Left the blood on the dildo,like he liked hisown pain. Smoothed out the bedspread so it looked like two people hadn't sat on it. Andwalked downstairs. I wiped the outside of the garage doorknob clean, closed the garage,locked the lexus doors and threw the keys in the bushes; and started walking home.About two miles from his house I found a garbage can and tossed my gloves in there, youknow gloves don't give off fingerprints, but if you're lucky and you find the gloves, you cansuperglue inside the tips of the gloves and find prints inside the gloves.I absently thought of this as I walked home in the dark.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

7/01/09

4:20a.m.

Charlie sat at her desk poring over the case. So far she'd gotten a hair that's female,and an old woman witnessing a blonde leave the scene...too much circumstantial evidence to

make a charge against Isabelle. That's when the call came in from dispatch. A man was foundbeaten and dead. The call had been directed to Charlie because Connors had been first onthe scene again. Charlie really didn't see the connection but was hoping Connors had goodinstincts.

Charlie's car roared to life after only the second try, which she took as a good omen.She checked the address and noticed she was heading to the Northern side of town. Typing itinto the GPS, Charlie let it guide her way. Within minutes she was off the freeway and windingher way through a suburb. If she didn't have GPS then she would've easily found the housebecause the numerous cop cars lit the whole place up.

Parking in the middle of the street, Charlie was promptly greeted by Connors. Ma'am Iwas first on the scene and met a witness, He paused looking at her for emphasis, Who told

me she saw a blonde woman walking away from the house. Charlie stopped there, itsounded too much like the start of a serial killer. Walking faster to the open garage, Charlieasked along the way, Were his eyelids super glued open? Connors looked with his mouthwide open. He closed it and opened it again only to say in disbelief, I don't know... and itseemed to frustrate him to have failed. Charlie only saw two cops in the corner retching.Which dragged her away from the witness and into the house. It opened into a den with asweeping staircase leading up to the bedroom. Again Charlie bounded up the stairs, breathheld, 'What did she do this time? Did the cops just have weak stomachs?'The stairs stopped at an open bedroom concept, but Charlie only noticed the grotesque


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marionette corpse on the bed. The scene was dizzying and she managed to take it all in oneblur. The toys littered on the bed, a dildo covered in blood laying next to a man sitting uprightand against an ornately tied silk rope. His eyes were indeed super glued open and theeyeballs were bulging with the capillaries burst open, and then there was the tongue... blueand protruding.

M.E. Adams again was hovering over the body with the thermometer and her lips

moving silently while she worked. Charlie thought Adams was too spaced out to hear her again but then, as if she could hear her...Adams looked at Charlie a

diary of a psychopath- ch. 1-5 fourth draft rough version2

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