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DIANA

macalintal

Teaching Mourners the

Language ofWitness:

How to Transform

.the Funeral Eulogy\

AS A LITURGIST, I BELIEVE IT WHEN THE ORDER OF CHRISTIAN FUNERALS (OCF) says eulogies are not allowed. But when I die, I plan to have lots of stories told about me at my funeral.

When it comes to eulogies, the complaints we of­ten hear about inflexible liturgists or uninformed family members are a bit unfair to both liturgists and mourners. The fact is the. church has a rich treasure in its funeral rites, and, 1n general, we pastoral and liturgical leaders have not made enough good use of them to change the cultural expectations of what most people imagine a Catholic funeral looks like.

According to the · Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate (CARA), fewer people in the Unit­ed States are turning to the church .to mark significant life events, such as birth or marriage. Yet the number of Catholic funerals remains steady. Even in a post-Chris­tian world, people trying to make sense of the mystery of death still desire the church's rites. Values often clash, however, in the preparation of those rites. It's human nature to want to remember the life of our loved one; to praise the good they have done and thank them for the good they leave behind. The church wants to do the same. '.The difference is that our rites call us to do this through the vernacular of Christ's paschal mystery. Our responsibility then to those who grieve is to help them translate their human desire into the language of divine hope. That language is liturgical.

So instead of telling people what they can't say, let's help them imagine what they could say if we taught them the grammar of our funeral rites.

A three-part love story First,· we need to give mourners the entire vocab­

ulary of the rites. That means breaking the myth that a Catholic funeral is merely a rosary and a Mass with some prayers at the grave. What the Order of Christian Funerals provides is much richer. It is more like a three­part love story accompanying a Christian's final journey

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home. (Note that a c·atechumen who dies also has the right to these liturgies:)

First, at the Vigil for the Deceased, "the Christian community keeps watch with the family in prayer to the God of mercy and finds strength in Christ's presence" (OCF 56). Despite assumptions, the vigil is not a rosa­ry. It is a Liturgy of the Word or a Morning or Evening Prayer for the Dead. Nothing in the tites prevents those who desire it to incorporate the rosary. But the gift we can give to those who grieve is t):ie rite!s clear expression that our hope is squarely on Christ. The rosary can cer­tainly enhance but cannot replace the vigil.

The second part of this love story is the Funeral Liturgy. This is the most familiar and best attended of the three liturgies. It's also the one parishes put the most liturgical and pastoral resources toward. Thus, it often bears the burden of trying to incorporate everything the family and the parish staff d�sire. If we make better use of all the liturgies in the Ord.er of Christian Funerals, including the related rites and prayers, we can relieve this unreasonable burden and better attend to the needs of those who mourn.

Last is the Rite of Committal. It is the "final act of the community of faith in caring for the body of its deceased member" (OCF 204).

In each of these principal moments, the church invites the mourners to speak of the life of their be­loved. In the Vigil for the Deceased (OCF 80, 96, 382, 394) and in the Funeral Liturgy (OCF 170, 197), therubrics say, "A member or a friend of the family mayspeak in remembrance of the deceased." And through­out the entire Order of Christian Funerals, we are calledto adapt the rites, including the Rite of Committal. So imagine if we gave space for words_ of remembrance at all these formal rituals and time for storytelling at all the informal gatherings. How much clearer would the ritual langi:iage be for those who mourn!

A homily is not a eulogy Where a eulogy is explicitly prohibited is in the

· homily: ''A brief homily based on the readings is alwaysgiven after the gospel reading a:t the funeral liturgy andmay also be given after the readings of the vigil service;but there is never to be a eulogy'' (OCF 27). The hom­ily's purpose is to praise God; a eulogy's purpose is topraise a person. It's a subtle but important difference.The homily helps those who hear it give praise to Godthe Father for the gift of Christ within the context ofthe circumstances of the gathering. The homilist at a

DIANA MACALINTAL is the cofot.inde r and codirecto r ofTeamRC I A.com

and Liturgy. life.

funeral might indeed praise the person who has died and recall their good deeds. But that praise must always lead the assem:bly toward praising God who, through the love of Christ poured into our hearts by the Spirit, is the source of everything that is good.

· The language of testimonyWhat about the "words of remembrance"? Could

that be the place for a eulogy? Here is our opportunityto help mourners who desire to give a fitting tribute totheir lo�ed one but might not know how to do that inthe language of the paschal mystery. With some basictools, we can· help them avoid lengthy biographies orembarrassing narratives and teach them how. to maketheir words of remembrance profound testimonies offaith.

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So instead of telling people what they can't say,

let's help them imagine what they could say if we

taught them the grammar of our funeral rites. One place we can learn from is the Rite of Elw-

. tion, whkh marks the beginning of a catechumen's final preparation for baptism. During this rite. (or in the op­tional Rite ofSending ), godparents and other members of the assembly give testimony to the readiness of their catechumens to live the duties of the baptismal priest­hood. - The church asks about thelr deeds and actions, thei.(° attitudes and intentions, and the godpa�ents give witness, often speaking freely in their own words, about what they have seen in the lives of their catechumens.

Without good preparation and direction, this wit­' ness can fall i�to eulogy-speak. But here is the secret.·

that helps not only godparents but also mourners give fitting testimony. Testimony begins with God's action and leads toward God'.s praise. Therefore, any ritual tes­timony given by a godparent or liturgical words of re­membrance spoken of the dead should begin this way:

"I saw God/Christ/the Holy Spirit acting ih · [name] 's life · when [name] did this ... " or "said this ... " o.t "believed this .. ;"

This simple liturgical syntax is a reminder to both. speaker and hearer that what is about to be said is about God acting through.the life of our loved one.

More tools, less rules

Now imagine if, as part of our pastoral care and preparation for the funeral rites, we gave families and friends these questions to reflect on:

• Where did I see God in my loved one's life,in their actions, in their words or attitudes?Name some specific moments.

• How did Christ, the Gospel stories, or beliefin Christ Strengthen my loved one's faith, es­pecially in challenging times or moments of•

doubt? Give an example . • What_ did I see in my loved one's life that

was life-giving, healing, joyful, prophetic, orcourageous on · behalf of others? (These aresigns of the Holy Spirit at work.)

Imagine if pastoral ministers, liturgists, and musicdirectors asked these questions and listened every time they met with the family. Imagine if families wrote down their responses and used them to craft the words of re­membrance for the funeral liturgy. Imagine if questions _ like these were given to families and friends at the var­ious rites to_ open the floor for sharing. Their responses can strengthen a homilist's words by providing a clearer

. image of the deceased's faith life and concrete examples that will connect to mourners. By doing this, we might also alleviate the desire for multiple speakers at the fu­neral liturgy.

Once you've helped the family and friends reflect on these questions, help them discern who should speak on their behalf It might not be the one who is closest to the deceased but one they believe can . speak in the

• language of faith as a witness to God's action. Empha­size that this is a ritual moment and requires a personwith some ritual sensitivity. With the responses to thereflection questions in hand, this person already has the

· outline of a profound and succinct accounting of theperson's life of faith.

After imagining all this, it can still be tempting tojust keep doing what we've always done. It's more con­venient to just tell families the liturgical rules for whatthey can and can't say at the funeral of their loved one.But death is never convenient. It calls us beyond com­fortable rules to encounter Christ who has been at workin the lives of the dead marked with the sign of faith.The gift we can give to those who mourn is to teachthem how to recognize, understand, and speak God'sritual language of love stronger than death. .

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