devops memes @ emcworld 2015
TRANSCRIPT
1© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
2© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
BRING ME THE DEV AND THE OPS TEAMS. THEY WILL ALL SUFFER
FOR THIS OUTAGE.
3© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
LISTEN TO ME VERY CAREFULLY
I KNOW WHERE THE LOGS ARE LOCATED, AND I WILL USE THEM
AGAINST YOU.
4© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DUDE, WHERE’S MY CONFIG FILE?
5© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
AND I THOUGHT,OH LORD! THEYSTILL DEPLOY
MANUALLY.
6© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
WE’LL DO THAT POST-MORDEMRIGHT AFTER I CHANGE MY SHOES
7© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM…
DEVOPS 3.6 ISN’T COVERED IN OUR ENTERPRISE ELA.
8© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
60% OF THE TIME
DEPLOYMENTS WORKEVERYTIME!
9© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
FEATURES FALL OUT ALL THE TIME.SOFTWARE IS AN IMPERFECT PLACE.
10© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
11© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
ANY OF YOU DEVS TOUCH MY NETWORK…
…AND I’LL KILL YOU
12© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
ANDY CRAWLED THRU 300 PAGESOF THE FILTHIEST DOCS…
THE LIKES OF WHICH I CAN ONLY IMAGINE
13© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
YOU KNOW CONTAINERS AREN’T NEW
JUST THOUGHT I’D MENTION IT
14© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
THAT RIGHT THERE IS MUCK!
THERE IS A TREMENDOUS BUILD UP OF TECHNICAL DEBT
15© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
WHAT WE’RE DEALING WITHHERE IS A COMPLETE LACK OF
RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY
16© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
YOU’RE GOING INTO PRODUCTION WITH A TOOL CALLED PIG?
17© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
YOU CAN CENTRALIZE MY CONFIGS BUT DON’T TAKE MY STAPLER
18© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
HUGOPS IS UNCOMFORTABLE?
YOU MAD BRO?
19© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
BEEROPS, EH?
20© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
READY FOR THE STANDUP
21© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
BRO, THAT’S NOT APPROPRIATE FOR A DAILY STANDUP
22© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
APPS ARE LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES
YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT OPS IS GONNA GET
23© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DEPLOY FROM SCRIPT, VERY BAD. GO TO THE BOX, 2 MINUTES, YOU FEEL
SHAME. THEN YOU FREE.
24© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
COME TO THE DARK SIDE
WE HAVE GANTT CHARTS
25© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
THE GREATEST TRICK THE DEVIL EVER PULLED, WAS MAKING US BELIEVE THAT DEPLOYING APPS WAS EASY
26© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
27© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
I SHOULD LEARN DEVOPS
28© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT I’M DOING
29© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
SO ME, ANDREW CLAY SHAFER AND PATRICK DEBOIS…
…WERE SITTING AROUND INVENTING DEVOPS
30© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
OH, WE’VE GOT BOTH KINDS…DEVS AND OPS
WHAT KIND OF “IT” DO WE HAVE HERE?
31© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
I REMEMBER WHEN MY DAD TALKED TO ME ABOUT DEVOPS
32© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
HOW OLD ARE YOU McLOVIN?
OLD ENOUGH TO DEVOPS
33© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DON’T DO DEVOPS, KID.YOU’LL SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT.
34© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
NO SECURITY IN YOUR DEVOPS?
35© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
LOOKS LIKE I PICKED THE WRONG DAY TO STOP DEVOPS’ING
36© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
37© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
ARE THE DEVOPS SCARY?
38© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DEVOPS…I LOVE YOU,
YOU LOVE ME,WE’RE A GREAT BIG FAMILY
39© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
THERE’S NO CRYING IN DEVOPS!
40© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
ARE YOU INHIBITED ABOUT DEPLOYING IN PUBLIC?
41© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
IF YOU’VE EVER DUCT
TAPED SCRIPTS
TOGETHER
YOU MIGHT BE A DEVOPS
REDNECK
42© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
WHAT YOU TALKING BOUT JOHN WILLIS?
43© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
EPHEMERALS INSTANCES. DEVS AND OPS LIVING TOGETHER. MASS HYSTERIA!!
44© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
AND CALL THE VIDEO…
“JIMMY KIMMEL, I TOLD MY BOSS THAT WE’RE STARTING A DEVOPS
TEAM”
45© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
THE 1ST RULE OF DEVOPS CLUB
IS TO CONTINOUSLY DEPLOYINTO PRODUCTION
46© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
USE CONFIG MANAGEMENT
AND AVOID MAYHEM…LIKE ME!
47© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
OVER? THE DEPLOYMENT’S OVER?
NOTHING IS OVER UNTILWE SAY IT IS!
48© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
SHOW ME, VAGRANT UP
49© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DEPLOY EARLY AND OFTEN
PUSH IT, PUSH IT REAL GOOD!!
50© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
FELLAS, COME ON. THE DEVOPS NEEDS MORE COWBELL!
51© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DEVOPS CULTURE – BE NICE TO TEAMMATES
52© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DO YOU HAVE A PAY PHONE NEARBY? PAGERDUTY JUST
CALLED.
53© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DON’T EVEN TALK TO ME UNLESS IT’S ON SLACK!
54© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
55© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DEVOPS IS COMING
BRACE YOURSELF
56© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
IT’S CALLED THE TEST AND SHIP
WORKSEVERY TIME
57© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
BYE GOLDEN IMAGE!
58© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DEVOPS
DEVOPS EVERYWHERE
59© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
• DIP
• DUCK
• DODGE
• DEVOPS
• DIVE
60© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
THE DEVOPS IS NICE! YES?
61© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
LEARN TO DEVOPS AND BE SOMEBODY!
62© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
I LOVEBEARDEDPEOPLE!!
63© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DEVOPS – SO HOT RIGHT NOW!
64© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
I CAN’T HELP THAT PEOPLE ARE JEALOUS
OF ME BECAUSE I AUTOMATE ALL OF THE
THINGS
65© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
WHEN BUSINESS ISSLOW, I SPRINKLEDEVOPS ON IT ANDBE AWESOME INSTEAD
TRUE STORY…
66© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
10 DEPLOYS A DAY!!
67© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
YOU USING CHEF?
CHEF, PUPPET, WHATEVER IT TAKES
68© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DUDEOPS
69© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DIESELOPS
70© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
YOU KEEP USING THAT WORD
I DON’T THINK IT MEANS WHATYOU THINK IT MEANS
71© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY
GO FULL DEVOPS
72© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
FINALLY,DEVOPS IS ABOVE THE
LAW
73© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
SAY IT 3 TIMES!
DEVOPSDEVOPS
….DEVOPS!
74© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
SAY DEVOPS
ONE MORE TIME
75© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
76© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
RED, I NEED SOMEONE WHO CAN GET DEVOPS DONE.
DO YOU KNOW ANYONE LIKE THAT?
77© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DEVOPS? TRUST ME, I’M A PROFESSIONAL.
78© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DEVOPPULENCE?
I HAS IT
79© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
IMMORTALITY JUST 6 LETTERS AWAY
D-E-V-O-P-S
80© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
I WANT TO ANNOUNCE MY DEVOPS PRESENCE WITH AUTHORITY!!
81© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
EVERY SERVER DIES. BUT NOT EVERY SERVER TRULY LIVES. APPS HAVE BEEN GIVEN NOTHING. DEVOPS MAKES THEM WHAT THEY TRULY ARE.
82© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
WE’RE GONNA MAKE THE OPS TEAM AN OFFER THEY CAN’T REFUSE
83© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
WORKED FINE IN DEV
OPS PROBLEM NOW
84© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
LET’S JUST DROP A TINY LITTLELOAD BALANCER IN THERE. JUST
LIKE THAT.
85© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
THEY WANTED MORE AGILITY,SO WE SOLD THEM $2M IN TOOLS
86© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
CHAIRS! GOTTA GET CHAIRS IN THE NEXT DEVOPS TOOLS ELA!
87© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA DEVOPS, NAPOLEAN?
WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE IT! GOSH!
88© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
I DON’T ALWAYS DEPLOY TO PRODUCTION
BUT WHEN I DO… LMAO, WHO AMI KIDDING, I ALWAYS DO
89© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
I LIKE TO PARTY AND I WANT MY DEVOPS TO PARTY
90© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
91© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS IF WE HAVE TO WAIT
92© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
WEBSCALE?
WE’RE GONNA NEED MORE DEVOPS
93© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
FIRED YOUR EXISTING TEAM ANDREPLACED THEM WITH A DEVOPS
TOOL?
THAT MUST BE GOING WELL
94© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
YO DAWG I HEARD YOU LIKE DEVOPS
SO I PUT DEV IN YOUR OPS SO YOU CAN DEV WHEN YOU OPS
95© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
JUMP THIS DEVOPS HATERS!
96© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
NO DEVOPS IN THE 1960’sSO HOW ABOUT A SCOTCH?
97© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
SO WHAT?
SO LET’S DEVOPS!
98© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
I GOT 99 PROBLEMS
BUT DEVOPS AIN’T ONE
99© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.
DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE ADEVOPS
100© Copyright 2015 EMC Corporation. All rights reserved.