designed and presented by dr. cal lemon, executive enrichment, inc. assertive skills for aggressive...
TRANSCRIPT
Designed and Presented By Dr. Cal LeMon,Executive Enrichment, Inc.
Designed and Presented By Dr. Cal LeMon,Executive Enrichment, Inc.
ASSERTIVE SKILLS FOR
AGGRESSIVE CONVERSATIONS
ASSERTIVE SKILLS FOR
AGGRESSIVE CONVERSATIONS
Missouri Association of Student Financial Aid Personnel
Missouri Association of Student Financial Aid Personnel
PARENT
CHILD
Your Choices To Get What You Want
From Others
ADULT
PARENT =
PARENT =AGGRESSIVEAGGRESSIVE
Take Away Take Away Someone’s RightsSomeone’s Rights
To IntimidateTo Intimidate
Take Away Take Away Someone’s RightsSomeone’s Rights
To IntimidateTo Intimidate
CHILD =CHILD =PASSIVEPASSIVE
Manipulate With Guilt
Manipulate With Guilt
ADULT =
ADULT = ASSERTIVE ASSERTIVE
THE ASSERTIVE ADULT ISTHE ASSERTIVE ADULT ISSOMEONE WHO HAS THE RIGHTSOMEONE WHO HAS THE RIGHTTO REPRESENT WHAT HE/SHE TO REPRESENT WHAT HE/SHE
IS THINKING AND FEELINGIS THINKING AND FEELINGWITHOUT:WITHOUT:
THE ASSERTIVE ADULT ISTHE ASSERTIVE ADULT ISSOMEONE WHO HAS THE RIGHTSOMEONE WHO HAS THE RIGHTTO REPRESENT WHAT HE/SHE TO REPRESENT WHAT HE/SHE
IS THINKING AND FEELINGIS THINKING AND FEELINGWITHOUT:WITHOUT:
•APOLOGY•FALSE GUILT
•ABUSING RIGHTS
•APOLOGY•FALSE GUILT
•ABUSING RIGHTS
I agree totake
responsibility for what I
can control
I agree totake
responsibility for what I
can control
People Behave Passively Because:
1. Mistaken belief they will be disliked if they disagree
2. Other people appear threatening
3. Have never understood what it means to be an assertive adult
4. Do not have confidence in their own abilities and convictions
ASSERTIVESKILLS
ASSERTIVESKILLS
Use “I” Use “I” instead of instead of
“you” “you” statements.statements.
Use “I” Use “I” instead of instead of
“you” “you” statements.statements.
““You are You are right, right, I am I am
wrong.”wrong.”
““You are You are right, right, I am I am
wrong.”wrong.”A POSITIVE ASSERTIONA POSITIVE ASSERTION
““Yes, we Yes, we have a have a
problem, and problem, and now we have now we have a decision.”a decision.”
““Yes, we Yes, we have a have a
problem, and problem, and now we have now we have a decision.”a decision.”
“If I don’t hear from you by 5:00 p.m., I will assume that
you are inagreement with
me.”
“If I don’t hear from you by 5:00 p.m., I will assume that
you are inagreement with
me.”ASSUMED AGREEMENTASSUMED AGREEMENT
“I am OK if you do not agree with
me.”
“I am OK if you do not agree with
me.”
“I will neverhand over
controlof me to anyone.”
“I will neverhand over
controlof me to anyone.”
“I will listen evenif I do notagree.”
“I will listen evenif I do notagree.”
The assertive right whichis the most difficult forme to act out at my financial aid office is #____ because _________________ ________________________.
You have confronted You have confronted a a
colleague about colleague about making making
some attitudinal some attitudinal changes at work and changes at work and he/she has given you he/she has given you
no response at all. no response at all. This situation has This situation has
gone on for the past gone on for the past two monthstwo months
You have confronted You have confronted a a
colleague about colleague about making making
some attitudinal some attitudinal changes at work and changes at work and he/she has given you he/she has given you
no response at all. no response at all. This situation has This situation has
gone on for the past gone on for the past two monthstwo months
#1. You have a right to make
mistakes.
#1. You have a right to make
mistakes.
#2. You have a right to be
the finaljudge of yourfeelings andaccept themas legitimate.
#2. You have a right to be
the finaljudge of yourfeelings andaccept themas legitimate.
#3. You have a right to changeyour mind ordecide on a
different course of action.
#3. You have a right to changeyour mind ordecide on a
different course of action.
#4. You have a right to
protest any treatment or criticism
that feels bad to you.
#5. You have a right to ask a
question when you
need clarification.
#5. You have a right to ask a
question when you
need clarification.
#6. You have a rightto negotiate for change.
#6. You have a rightto negotiate for change.
#7. You have a rightto ask for help or
emotional support.
#7. You have a rightto ask for help or
emotional support.
#8. You have a right
to say
#8. You have a right
to say
#9. You have a right not to takeresponsibility forsomeone else’s
problem or decision
#10. You have a right to
choose not to respond to a
situation.
#10. You have a right to
choose not to respond to a
situation.
A colleague continues to take cell phone calls every time you are talking to this person.
Your boss continues to create the
same errors over and over again which is creating
confusion in your work area.
In staff meetings, a coworker considers any
constructive criticismto be a personal
attack.
THE ASSERTIVE PLANFOR CONFRONTING
Think alone…speak later
State the problem
Issue a positive challenge
Listen for the “open door”
Suggest options for solutions