Descriptive Passage

Portfolio - Solomon

Task

Task: Creative Portfolio

Choose 4 descriptive passages from your Q1 novel and identify and discuss thetechniques the writer has used to generate effective descriptions in your chosenpassages.

● Rewrite two of the passages by transforming one general aspect (e.g. tone) in theoriginal passage.

● Reflect in a rationale on how the changes you have made impacted on thedominant impression of the new passage.

● Create using ‘pages’ and print as a hard copy or save your ‘pages’ original as a pdfand upload to issuu. You can then embed your portfolio on your study blog

● Each entry needs to be minimum of 200 words

Due Date: You can work on your portfolio throughout the unit, but final submission date forthe completed creative portfolio is November 15th

Your portfolio will be marked out of 20 and will count as 20% of your Q2 Englishgrade.

Plan1. What is the subject of this description?

2. What aspects of the subject does the author show to the reader?

3. How does this impact on the way you ‘see’ the subject in your imagination?

4. What images does the author use throughout the piece?

5. What dominant impression do these techniques develop?

6. What unique observations has the author made?

7. List of strong verbs and vocabulary used

8. Senses used

Language Analysis #1

“They lay there listening, at first with doubt but then with terror to the description the twinsbreathed at them between bouts of extreme silence. Soon the darkness was full of claws, fullof the awful unknown and menace. An interminable dawn faded the stars out, and at lastlight, sad and grey, filtered into the shelter. They began to stir though still the world outsidethe shelter was impossibly dangerous. The maze of the darkness sorted into near and far, andat the high point of the sky the cloudlets were warmed with color.”

  In this passage, the main subject of the description of this passage is the transitionbetween day to night. The aspects that the author shows to the reader in this passage arefear, darkness, and the unknown. These aspects affect me as a reader by showing my thetone of the passage, the imagery that will be used based on these tones and aspects.Throughout the passage the author uses various imagery to describe the subject and showthe reader the different aspects used in the passage. One of the imagery that is used in thepassage is “Soon the darkness was full of claws” this gives the impression that thedarkness is dangerous, as claws can be a metaphor for danger. As a predator claws maylurk in the darkness waiting for it’s prey to come out. Another imagery used in this passageis “The maze of the darkness sorted into near and far” in this phrase the author describeshow the darkness is like a maze because of how dark it is. The word maze in the phrase isused to compare the difficulty of finding your way in the darkness. As everything may be sodark, that you cannot possibly see and that you may walk around in circles, like being lost ina maze.

  These imagery that are used in the passage give the dominant impression that the nightis filled with danger, an unknown. In the passage there are many words and phrases thatthe author uses and repeats, these words are used to emphasize the authors dominantimpression of the passage and enhance certain imagery. Words such as darkness,unknown, menace, dangerous are used to enhance the dominant impression that the nightis a very dark and dangerous place filled with the unknown. The author uses only visualsenses in this passage. Overall this passage gives the reader the feeling that the night isdangerous filled with the unknown, and scary also giving the sense of paranoia of notknowing the dangers that lurk in the night.

Language Analysis #2

“After they had eaten, Ralph and the biguns set out along the beach. They left Piggy proppedup on the platform. This day promised, like the others, to be a sunbath under a blue dome. Thebeach stretched away before them in a gentle curve till perspective drew it into one with theforest; for the day was not advanced enough to be obscured by the shifting veils of mirage.Under Ralph’s direction, they picked up a careful way along the palm terrace, rather thandare the hot sand down by the water. He let Jack lead the way; and Jack trod with theatricalcaution though they could have seen an enemy twenty yards away. Ralph walked in the rear,thankful to have escaped responsibility for a time.”

In this second passage, the subject of the description is about the beach environmentthat Ralph, Jack, Piggy and the biguns are in. In this description the author shows aspectsof sky, trees, and the sun to the reader. These aspects impact me as a reader, because theygenerally show me the beauty of a beach. These three aspects would usually be the threethings that I would be looking for on a beautiful day on the beach, which also gives me theimpression that the description is a rather more serene and tranquil description than theprevious passage. If there were aspects of perhaps dead seaweeds and jellyfish that liedon the beach it would give me another impression of the description and passage. Also Iwould have a different imagery when I think of the beach.

In the passage, the imagery that are used mainly support and emphasize the descriptionof the scenery of the beach. In one phrase, “to be sunbath under a blue dome.” is used todescribe not only the weather but the sky surrounding the beach. In the phrase, the word“sunbath” is used to suggest that the weather is hot enough that you can sunbath and tanyour body. The phrase “blue dome” is used to suggest how the beach is surrounded by ablue sky almost like a blue dome has enveloped the beach. Another imagery that theauthor uses in the passage is “Jack trod with theatrical caution”. This phrase describeshow Jack is treading careful almost as if he was acting it on stage. The phrase “theatricalcaution” is a comparison between Jack’s pose and movements to that of an actorpretending to be cautious. The word theatrical may also suggest the silliness of Jack’smovements, as it may resemble something you would see from a play. Important phrasesand words that supported the author’s description in this passage were, blue dome,theatrical caution, and shifting veils of mirage. The senses that we used in the passagewere mainly visual senses and some senses of feelings.

Language Analysis #3

“He was surrounded on all sides by chasms of empty air. There was nowhere to hide, even ifone did not have to go on. He paused on the narrow neck and looked down. Soon, in a matterof centuries, the sea would make an island of the castle. On the right hand was the lagoon,troubled by the open sea; and on the left— Ralph shuddered. The la- goon had protected themfrom the Pacific: and for some reason only Jack had gone right down to the water on theother side. Now he saw the landsman’s view of the swell and it seemed like the breathing ofsome stupendous creature. Slowly the waters sank among the rocks, revealing pink tables ofgranite, strange growths of coral, polyp, and weed. Down, down, the waters went, whisperinglike the wind among the heads of the forest. There was one flat rock there, spread like a table,and the waters sucking down on the four weedy sides made them seem like cliffs. Then thesleeping leviathan breathed out, the waters rose, the weed streamed, and the water boiledover the table rock with a roar. There was no sense of the passage of waves; only thisminute-long fall and rise and fall.”

In this passage, the author utilises various language techniques in order to effectivelydescribe the passage. In this passage, the subject of the description is environment whichRalph is in, which seems to be at an edge of a cliff or near the shorelines. In this passagethe author shows aspects of sea, rock and air to the reader. These aspects affect mebecause they help describe the scenery and environment that Ralph is currently in.Without these aspects I may be left to think more, and use my imagination to fill in thegaps.

Throughout the passage the author uses imagery like “surrounded on all sides bychasms of empty air”. This phrase suggest how Ralph is surrounded by something that isblocking him from air. The phrase “chasms of empty air” may suggest how somethingsolid is blocking the air going to Ralph. As “empty air” may mean no air, a chasm with noair could mean that something is blocking the air from reaching Ralph but some air is stillmaking through. Hence giving the idea of a chasm of empty air. This phrase is used todescribe the situation that Ralph is in, it gives the impression that Ralph may be in a badsituation. As the idea of “chasms of empty air” may suggest that he is stuck, where onlysmall amounts of air are reaching him. Another imagery that is used in this passage is“Then the sleeping leviathan breathed out, the waters rose, the weed streamed, and thewater boiled over the table rock with a roar.” In this phrase, it accurately describes andshows the reader how the environment in the sea near Ralph is like. It is used to showmore of the environment around Ralph and give more details to the reader by using

personification and imagery. The phrases suggests how the water is calm then water isviolently spurted out, also with the waters rising and the weeds streaming throughout thewater. Also when the author says “the water boiled over a table rock with a roar” thiscould suggest how the tides of the sea violently hit against the rocks giving the sound of a“roar”. The author uses gives human-like properties to the sea, such can be seen when theauthor mentions the words “sleeping”, “roar” or “breathed”. Another interesting aboutthis phrase is the use of leviathan. Levithan is a reference to a big creature or big seamonster under the sea. The use of levithan could suggest how the sea was like a beast andbefore it was sleeping calmly then suddenly breathing out water.

Language Analysis #4

“Here, on the other side of the island, the view was utterly different. The filmy enchantmentsof mirage could not endure the cold ocean water and the horizon was hard, clipped blue.Ralph wandered down to the rocks. Down here, almost on a level with the sea, you couldfollow with your eye the ceaseless, bulging passage of the deep sea waves. They were mileswide, apparently not breakers or the banked ridges of shallow water. They traveled the lengthof the island with an air of disregarding it and being set on other business; they were less aprogress than a momentous rise and fall of the whole ocean. Now the sea would suck down,making cascades and waterfalls of retreating water, would sink past the rocks and plasterdown the seaweed like shining hair: then, pausing, gather and rise with a roar, irresistiblyswelling over point and outcrop, climbing the little cliff, sending at last an arm of surf up agully to end a yard or so from him in fingers of spray.”

In this passage the subject that the author has decided to describe about, is the oppositeside of the island view. The aspects that the author has decided to show to the reader inthis passage are, the ocean, horizon, rocks, ridges, and waterfalls. These aspects impact meas a reader when I read about this passage, because the aspects that are shown to me willdetermine the type of scenery that the author wants me to see. Also it will put me in theeyes of Ralph, as Ralph is also witnessing these images in the passage.

One of the imagery that is used in this passage is “the horizon was hard, clipped blue”. Inthis phrase, it suggests how the horizon looks straight with the night “clipping thehorizon”. The color of the horizon suggests the time of day, blue would probably suggestthat it is after dawn nearing night. Yellow would suggest that the horizon that is takingplace would be at dawn and so forth. The word clipped is used to compare how the bluenight is close to the horizon, like it’s clipping the horizon. This also gives the impression ofthe beauty of the horizon adding to the tone of the description, making it more tranquil,and peaceful, perhaps even joyful. Another imagery that the author used in the passage is“the sea would suck down, making cascades and waterfalls of retreating water”. Thisdescriptive image suggest how the sea of water would “suck down” creating a cascadesand waterfalls of water streaming down. The author also personifies water, as the phrase“retreating water” is used to compare the water streaming down like people retreatingfrom a fight in a hurry. The water that streams down is similar to people retreating as thestrong torrent resembles something of a retreat.

Rewrite Passage 1“No grownups!” The fat boy thought for a moment. “That pilot.” The fair boy allowed his feetto come down and sat on the steamy earth. “He must have flown off after he dropped us. Hecouldn’t land here. Not in a place with wheels.” “We was attacked!” “He’ll be back all right.”The fat boy shook his head. “When we was coming down I looked through one of themwindows. I saw the other part of the plane. There were flames coming out of it.” He looked upand down the scar. “And this is what the cabin done.” The fair boy reached out and touchedthe jagged end of a trunk. For a moment he looked interested. “What happened to it?” heasked. “Where’s it got to now?” “That storm dragged it out to sea. It wasn’t half dangerouswith all them tree trunks falling. There must have been some kids still in it.” He hesitated for amoment, then spoke again.“What’s your name?” “Ralph.”

“Where are the grownups?” the fat boy wondered. “Probably dead, I mean where elsecould they be, duh?” replied the fair boy, dropping his dirty feet onto the steam earth. Thedirt on his feet spread throughout the steamy earth, like a infectious disease. “How couldyou say something like that? I hope they are not dead.” replied the fat boy with a furioustone. “Well if they are not here then where would they be?” “I think the pilot must of flownoff somewhere since he couldn’t land here. Maybe the adults are with the pilot?” said thefat boy, as he calmed his tone. The fat boy suddenly flashing back, witnessing the sight of ahot fireball which broke the wings. He tried to look out by the flames were too hot, hiseyebrows scorched like a wildfire consuming the trees. The sight of people being suckedout like water from a straw left a traumatizing mark in his mind. Those who were suckedout quickly burnt to ashes, leaving nothing but a trace of what is left of their clothes. Thefat boy closed his eyes trying not to think about it. “Hey! Hey!” a faint voiced echoed in hishead. The fat boy quickly snapped back to reality, he was sweating, it was no dream, morelike a nightmare. “Are you okay asked” asked the fair boy, “yea, yea, I’m okay” replied thefat boy. “Good, you looked really pale just now.” said the fair boy. “What is your name?”asked the fat boy. The fair boy answered “Ralph, you can call me Ralph. Pretty genericname eh?” The fat boy attempting to comfort Ralph, said “No I like that name, its short andeasy to remember, by the way my name is Piggy, don’t ask why.”

Rationale 1In this passage, the aspect that I had changed specifically was the airplane. I did this bytalking more about how the airplane crash came to be. Adding more darker tones to thepassage through Piggy’s flashback of the crash. By changing this aspect and focusing moreon the airplane it gives a darker and more realistic take on the dominant impression. Inthe real story it is never explained what happened in the crash or why there are no adults.By talking about the crash, it gives the reader a more realistic and darker impression onthis passage, as it shows the death of people and the unfortunate things that happened inan unlikely event. I tried focusing more on the destruction and the death that happens onthe plane to simulate what it would be like in a real plane crash. In the real story, it nevertells what happens to the people in the plane, and gives a more positive impression, sinceyou don’t know if people died in the crash, it makes the reader have some hope that thereare other survivors who survived the crash since all the kids survived. Even if they are notmentioned in the story.

Rewrite passage 2

“We’d better all have names,” said Ralph, “so I’m Ralph.” “We got most names,” said Piggy. “Got’em just now.” “Kids’ names,” said Merridew. “Why should I be Jack? I’m Merridew.” Ralphturned to him quickly. This was the voice of one who knew his own mind. “Then,” went onPiggy, “that boy—I forget—” “You’re talking too much,” said Jack Merridew. “Shut up, Fatty.”Laughter arose. “He’s not Fatty,” cried Ralph, “his real name’s Piggy!” “Piggy!” “Piggy!” “Oh,Piggy!” A storm of laughter arose and even the tiniest child joined in. For the moment the boyswere a closed circuit of sympathy with Piggy outside: he went very pink, bowed his head andcleaned his glasses again. Finally the laughter died away and the naming continued.

“I think it would be best if we introduce ourselves so we don’t get confused.” said Ralph,“I’ll start first, you guys can call me Ralph.” “We already got most of the names, we just gotthem.” said Piggy. “Pfft, kids names, typical” said Merridew, almost as if that sentence was ainsult to them. “Why should I be called Jack in the first place? I prefer to be calledMerridew instead.” He quickly caught the attention of Ralph. “What was your name? Ahh Iforgot, was it umm… Erica, no?” “Who do you think you are!?” shouted Merridew.Merridew’s voice echoed through the night forest ending in silence. There was a momentof silence, everyone in shock. “Why don’t you sit in the corner, Fatty?”. From the longingsilence, a short giggle burst out from the silent group. Soon a choir of laughter had arose,and the many voices echoed throughout the night. “Guys come on, that’s not somethingyou should say.” Said Ralph trying to protect Piggy. “His real name is Piggy, not fatty,okay?” “Piggy? Piggy?” their laughter suddenly rose again. The mention of Piggy’s namewas like adding oil to fire. Soon the echoes of laughter lost it’s voice in the night and thesilence returned.

Rationale 2In this passage, the aspect that I changed was the time of day. I changed the time of day tonight. By changing the time of day from day to night, it impacts the dominant impression invarious ways. A night time situation is different from a daytime situation each holdingtheir own meaning. The night gives a more darker and serious tone to the passage. Whiledaytime has a more hopeful and lighter tone. I purposely made the setting to night,because in the original story. When Jack and the rest of the boys who made fun of Piggy itwas a less serious tone. But when I changed it I made it a more serious tone. In one of theparts where I rewrite the passage. When Jack insults Piggy, it feels more serious becausehis voice echoes throughout the night forest giving the sense that they are alone, the nightis empty, and their is darkness. Even when they begin to laugh they fill the night with amore happier atmosphere, but no matter how much they laugh. The darkness andemptiness eventually returns. These feelings give a more serious and darker impressionof the passage. As it makes the reader feel isolated in a scary and unknown environment.No matter what they do to bring light to the night, emptiness and darkness will still lurkaround. If this setting was at day it would be a darker impression on the passage. If theywere to laugh, then it would be accompanied by the sea waves and the chirping of thebirds that lay near the forest. It gives a less darker impression, as it makes the reader feelthat they are not alone, and not isolated.