description, paragraphing, focusing (project one)

7/30/2019 Description, Paragraphing, Focusing (PRoject One)

1/19


2/19

+DESCRIPTIONADDING INTEREST

What often adds interest to a memoir, or to any narrative for that

matter, is description.

Adjectives and Adverbs are your new best friends.

Adjectivedescribes a noun (person, place, or thing)

Adverbdescribes an action


3/19

+DESCRIPTION

Be specific and avoid the obvious

Avoid words that dont add any detail: good, bad, fine, pretty,

okay, nice, etc

Be Specific: instead of saying He was mad say He was furious!

The best descriptions go beyond saying the obvious. Dont be

afraid to get a little bit poetic.


4/19

+THE CURSE OF

The word very never works the way you want it to.

Most of the the time we use very to add emphasis.

It does the OPPOSITE of adding emphasis.

Lets compare:

Voldemort was very upset that Harry was still alive.

Verdict= weak sauce

Explanation = words like very make us lazy. We opt for them

instead of choosing a stronger more impactful word.

Voldemort was upset that Harry was still alive.

Voldemort was enraged that Harry Potter was still among the living.


5/19

+EMBRACE THE METAPHOR LIKE A

SIMILE

Metaphors and Similes are great mechanisms for adding

description.


6/19

+DESCRIPTION TABOO

2 minDescribe without using the words autumn or trees


7/19

+DESCRIPTION TABOO

2 minsDescribe this place

without using the words

space, sky, night, or

moon.


8/19

+DESCRIPTION TABOO

2 minsDescribe this

emotion in terms of your 5

senses.

Without using the words

love, heart, or emotion


9/19

+PARAGRAPHING TIME!


10/19

+ Lars Farf had not always been excessively fearful. Originally,he was just normally fearful. The one day he came in from

the fields and found his house reduced to a pile of smoking

ash. Where was his wife, where were his children?Fortunately for him, his wife and children were not at the

bottom of the pile of smoking ash, but sprinting joyfully up

the road, relieved to find that he wasnt at the bottom of the

pile of smoking ash. But the damage had been done: He was

now excessively fearful. When he rebuilt the house, he madesome changes. The new house had no fireplace. No matches

were allowed inside. The house had no stove, and all cooking

was to be done in a little shack several hundred yards away.

The family was not allowed inside the Cooking Shack. Every

hour one of the servants was required to walk around thehouse, dousing the walls with water from a special Fire-

Dousing Bucket, just in case.


11/19

+ Lars Farf had not always been excessively fearful.Originally, he was just normally fearful. The one day he camein from the fields and found his house reduced to a pile ofsmoking ash.

Where was his wife, where were his children?Fortunately for him, his wife and children were not atthe bottom of the pile of smoking ash, but sprinting joyfullyup the road, relieved to find that he wasnt at the bottom ofthe pile of smoking ash.

But the damage had been done: He was now

excessively fearful.When he rebuilt the house, he made some changes.The new house had no fireplace. No matches were allowedinside. The house had no stove, and all cooking was to bedone in a little shack several hundred yards away. The familywas not allowed inside the Cooking Shack. Every hour one of

the servants was required to walk around the house, dousingthe walls with water from a special Fire-Dousing Bucket, justin case.

Excerpted from Lars Farf, Excessively Fearful Father and Husband by George Saunders


12/19

+When to start a new paragraph(why do paragraphs matter?)

1. When you have a new or slightly new idea

2. To emphasize a point, or make a contrast between points

3. In dialogue, when a different person speaks

4. When your reader needs a pause

5. When you are ending your intro or conclusion

From the OWL and Tim Fredricks ELA Teaching Blog


13/19

+ELEMENTS OF APARAGRAPH

UNITYCOHERENCE

DEVELOPMENT


14/19

+UCD BASICS

UNITY: The entire paragraphshould concern itself with a

single focus. No wanderingaround mentioning random

things that have nothing to do

with each other!

DEVELOPMENT: Help yourparagraphs reach maturity--

dont abandon them in an

awkward tween phase!

Use examples and anecdotes

Define terms

Evaluate causes, examine

effects

(There are more development methods

but these are the most relevant to our

narratives. See the OWL for more!)

COHERENCE: This means yourparagraph is easy for a reader

to follow and understand. You

create coherence by buildingbridges between your

sentences.


15/19

+BRIDGESnot just for the Blues Brothers and Spice Girls of the world

LOGICAL BRIDGES Carrying your topic idea

from sentence to sentence

Parallel sentence

construction

VERBAL BRIDGES Repeat key words in several

sentences

Use of synonyms in several

sentences

Pronouns referring to nouns

in previous sentences

Transition words linking ideasfrom different sentences


16/19

+ FOCUS!Think of your narrative as something you can zoom in and out of.

Choose the most important or meaningful moments to zoom in on

for emphasis by creating a scene using description and dialogue. Inbetween these majorscenes you can zoom out and address the

intervening time insummary.


17/19

+SCENES VS. SUMMARIES

SCENEElijah squatted down next to her.

He moved a lot more smoothly

than he felt like he ought to be

able tohis heart was pounding.

Your house got bombed, he said.

I know, she snapped.

SUMMARYNicodemus Tolson, whom Elijah

had always known as Nico at

school, or Malacode online, would

not be the first person youd peg to

be a gang leader. When Elijah methim freshmen year, he looked like

a perfectly ordinary, intelligent kid

who was the vice president of the

Technology Club and who wore

suits to school that made him look

a little like an Archangel.

Examples from Freedomland by Anne Bean


18/19

+SCENES VS. SUMMARIESSo whats the difference?

SCENE:Takes place in real-time,

like a movie, usuallycontains dialogue

between characters, and

should be used for

important interactions

and events.

SUMMARY:Moves quickly, giving the

reader importanthighlights or reminders,

and is used for

background information.

Bits of summary often

occur within scenes.


19/19

+HOMEWORK FOR TUESDAY

1. Develop a scene that you think you can use in your narrative. Use

the concepts weve gone over today. Type this out, bring a copy to

class Tuesday, AND post it to Blackboard Learn. Theres no strict

limit for the length of this scene, but try to make it at least one

double-spaced typed page.

2. Read Mindy KalingsIs Everybody Hanging Out Without Me?

3. Read Jonathan Lethems 13, 1977, 21

NO CONFERENCES NEXT WEEK. If you have questions or want to talk

about your memoir, come to office hours or let me know of another

time youd like to meet. I can be available during next Wednesdays

conference time plus additional times throughout the week.

description, paragraphing, focusing (project one)

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