Dentist and the Crocodile by Roald Dahl

The crocodile, with cunning smile, sat in the dentist's chair.

He said, "Right here and everywhere my teeth require repair."

The dentist's face was turning white. He quivered, quaked and shook.

He muttered, "I suppose I'm going to have to take a look.""I want you," Crocodile declared, "to do the back ones first.

The molars at the very back are easily the worst."

He opened wide his massive jaws. It was a fearsome sight––

At least three hundred pointed teeth, all sharp and shining white.

The dentist kept himself well clear. He stood two yards away.

He chose the longest probe he had to search out the decay.

"I said to do the back ones first!" the Crocodile called out.

"You're much too far away, dear sir, to see what you're about.

To do the back ones properly you've got to put your head

Deep down inside my great big mouth," the grinning Crocky said.

The poor old dentist wrung his hands and, weeping in despair,

He cried, "No no! I see them all extremely well from here!"

Just then, in burst a lady, in her hands a golden chain.

She cried, "Oh Croc, you naughty boy, you're playing tricks again!"

"Watch out!" the dentist shrieked and started climbing up the wall.

"He's after me! He's after you! He's going to eat us all!"

"Don't be a twit," the lady said, and flashed a gorgeous smile.

"He's harmless. He's my little pet, my lovely crocodile."

A GENTLEMAN'S GAME PLAN

Let's play cricket, said a pal of mineBeing a gentleman's game, I said "fine"So let me explain how this whole mess startedHow events took place when my pal departed.

 I was approached by a stranger, totally unknownHe had in his hand a bag and cell phoneBy way of intoduction he said to meFor some information I give, he'd give me a fee.

 What sort of info do you need, I queried,He looked around, and he got me worried,I was just here to play my gameNot looking for glory or for fame.

 Just tell me how many runs you'll scoreTo which I replied "I'll try a hundred, maybe more"No, no, he cried I've got a present for you,A hundred thousand, to get out in "two"

 I thought he was joking, this stranger was mad,I better get moving and put on my pad,Just then he made a call on his phone,Thank God he and I were alone

 For I dread to think what anyone would sayIf they heard his phone conversation that day.He said all was done, and I was party to crimeAnd a whole lot of rubbish and garbage and slime.

 And as he left, he dropped the last shockerBy placing his bag inside my lockerNow that I finished with you, he cried,I'm off to fix the other side.

 The next day's headlines read in the press,Our country's cricket's is in a royal mess,For none of our players scored more than twoBut you know how it happened, between me and you.

 Now eagerly awaiting the next big matchWhere I'll be paid to drop a catch,In the end it's the public that would be the foolThey don't know cricketers graduate from "acting" school.

 -- Submitted by Sorab Bhathena from Pune, India

Get Out of Bed!

by Diane Z. Shore

"Get out of bed, you silly fool!Get up right now, it's time for school.If you don't dress without a fuss,I'll throw you naked on the bus!"

"Oh, Mom, don't make me go today.I'm feeling worse than yesterday.You don't know what I'm going through.I've got a strange, rare case of flu.

"My body aches, my throat is sore.I'm sure I'm knocking on death's door.You can't send me to school-achoo!-'Cause everyone could get it, too.

"Besides, the kids despise me there.They always tease and always stare.And all the teachers know my name.When something's wrong, it's me they blame."

"You faked a headache yesterday.Don't pull that stuff on me today.Stop acting like a silly fool-The principal cannot skip school!"

I'm Late For School

I got up late for school today,And nearly missed the bus!I hurried down the stairs,Wolfed my toast, and caused a fuss!

I quickly threw books in my bag,My pens, my lunch and shorts.Grabbed my coat from out the cupboard,Took my bat and ball for sports.

I slid across the kitchen floor,And hopped around the cat!Then expertly rolled over,Jumped back up and grabbed my hat!

I belted out of our front door,Spun round and swung it shut.Saw the bus was waiting for me,I felt I had time to strut!

I climbed aboard and then froze still,And knew that things weren't right!My friends fell down in fits of fun,And pointed with delight!

My face went red, I couldn't breathe,For in my haste I knew!I'd forgotten to wear trousers,Jumper, shirt, my socks and shoes!

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Feuding FriendsI woke up this morning in such a bad mood,And all through the day I've been surly and rude.As my friend and I are embroiled in a feud,So with anger I find myself all but consumed!

It started this week when he misplaced a book,And since then he's thrown me some terrible looks.Now this book that he thinks without asking, I took,He wants back and will get it by hook or by crook!

See this book he's convinced that I swiped without trace,He just couldn't locate in its usual place.So his temper incensed, he blamed me face to face,And demanded this book, straight away, I replace!

But I couldn't as this book I do not possess,So I tried to explain but just upped his distress.And he stamped on the floor blaming me for this mess,Hoping that he could make me give up and confess!

But what he doesn't know is the book I have seen,And in view of his mood, to explain I'm not keen.For the day in his house when he'd first caused the scene,I saw it whizz round in their washing machine!

The Case of the Missing Cookies

I'm taking my parents to courtto prove I'm an innocent kid.The judge will most surely agreethat they're wrong about what I did.

Just because all my fingers were stickyand chocolate was on my face,doesn't mean I stole those cookies.So there! I rest my case.

What's that you say, you need more proof?I have an alibi.When the cookies got stolen, I was outside.Now I ask you, why would I lie?

You have no witnesses on your side;just circumstantial lies.I think the real crook snuck insidein a masterful disguise.

Maybe he was disguised as me.I really cannot say.

All I know is I did notsteal any cookies that day.

Now judge, I ask for sympathy,so please instruct the juryto say that I'm not guilty(and to say it in a hurry!)

My folks are looking quite annoyedthat I've taken things this far.But it's not as if they caught mewith my hands in the cookie jar.

The jury's back, the verdict's in.Guilty?! That can't be!I gathered all the evidencethat should have set me free.

Where did I go wrong, and nowwhat will my sentence be?Three years of washing dishes, no! No way! They can't mean me!

The next time I take my parents to court(though I doubt it will be in my youth)I'll make sure that what I'm sayingis actually the truth.

What To Do About GrandmaWhen grandma goes to sleep at night,I shut all the windows and doors.I put cotton in my ears because, well,my grandma snores.

She snores so loud it jiggles the houseand makes the shutters shake.One time our neighbors ran out screaming - they thought there was an earthquake.

Another time she snored so loudour ears and noses bled.Now everyone runs for coverwhen my grandma goes to bed.

Yes, grandma's known for snoring.She's known all over town.Even power saws and freight trainstell my grandma to pipe down.

She's louder than a motor bikeor a great big thunder clap.Oh dear! Oh no! I've got to go!It's time for grandma's nap!

(C) 1998, Arden Davidson

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Freckle Bath

I'll tell you what I tried to do,If you promise you won't laugh.I tried to wash my freckles offwhile I was in my bath.

I scrubbed and rubbed and rubbed and scrubbedwith my washcloth, soap and water.

I tried it with the water cold.I tried with it much hotter.

But my freckles wouldn't budge an inch,although I tried my best.So I kept the freckles where they wereand washed away the rest.

(C) 1998, Arden Davidson

The Island of Lost Socks

If you look down in your washing machineyou'll probably see a trap door.It's actually always been there.You just never saw it before.

It's easy to find your way through.You just open it with three knocks.And behind it you'll find a river that leadsto the Island of Lost Socks.

The natives of this islandare the socks that got awayfrom the awful, terrible lifeof smelling feet all day.

Now they run around in the sunshineenjoying magnificent views,and knowing they'll never againhave to fill anybody's shoes.

They never get holes, runs or snags.They never get sold at half price.They always are warm and fresh smelling,'Cause this is sock paradise.

So the next time you notice a few of your sockshave vanished without a trace,don't bother to look in the laundry,'cause they're in a much happier place.

(C) 1998, Arden Davidson

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Mother and the Mouse

by Faith Trekson

 

Getting Dressed for School

by Kenn Nesbitt

I must have been too sleepygetting dressed for school today.I tried to tuck my shirt in,but I couldn’t make it stay.

I also couldn’t tie my shoes.I fumbled with the laces.I snagged my scarf, and now some yarnis dangling from my braces.

My Mother is not the sort of Mumwho'll  squeal and faint and shiver,Darkness doesn't scare her,When it thunders she won't quiver!

When I decide to play upshe fixes me with a stare,One flashing look from her big eyes,and I just don't care to dare!

So it was with shock, one morning,when I woke up from a dream,To hear my valiant, mighty Mum,let out a high-pitched scream!

I raced to see her perched up high,upon the kitchen sink,Squealing like a baby bat,Right on the edge, the brink.

I asked her what the matter was,Had the pressure cooker burst?Or had the oven scorched her hand?I did expect the worst!

She whimpered like a baby,And pointed to a mouse,That had the gall and temerity,to enter into our house!

I picked a broom and shooed at it,I chased it to the hall,I almost whacked it sharply,for driving Mummy up that wall.

But it was quick and cunningand soon gave me the slip,It vanished in the hallway,into the garden skip.

I ran into the kitchen,and helped my Mummy down,Trembling like an autumn leaf,She wore a frightened frown...

"I don't like mice", she whispered,Her big eyes round with fear, I felt like superheros do,so glad that I was near!

I told her not to worry,

My socks are different colors,and my pants are inside out.My sweater from the hamper left mesmelling like a trout.

I thought I put a hat onto control my crazy hair.The hat turned out to be a pairof purple underwear.

I spilled my breakfast on my clothesand headed into school.My friends, of course, were all impressed.I’d never looked so cool.