DEAR YOUNGER ME …

The following excerpt (from Dear Younger Me) provides a glimpse into the author's life and how his early thoughts about leadership were profoundly influenced by his father, Winston Churchill and Vince Lombardi.

Never Give Up. My father, Clark, was an engineer. He had never been to business school or attended any

formal courses to study management practice or leadership theories. But he was a voracious reader, and I recall

seeing him propped up in bed with a book as I walked past his bedroom door each night. Invariably, he was

reading the biography of a world leader or successful executive. Kennedy, Rockefeller, and Churchill were some

of his favourite historic figures.

Sir Winston Churchill

possessed unrivaled determination.

Not surprisingly, as a young man who wanted to follow in his

father’s footsteps, I set aside a special shelf in my bookcase for inspiring

biographies of great leaders, including Walt Disney, Mahatma Gandhi,

and Winston Churchill. Churchill was particularly inspiring to me, in

part because of the courage he displayed in standing up to the fury of

the German war machine.

He had inspired the British people and many in the Western world

to stay strong and to do whatever it took to defeat the threat of fascism.

His speeches were passionate and compelling, and some of his most

famous quotes stayed with me for years. For example, “Success is not

final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”3

“Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing,

great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of

honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the

apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.”4

As a young man and aspiring leader, I internalized his words, and

“never give up” became my personal rallying cry. In the context of

business, I applied this strategy to what I considered to be my daily

battles—“wars” of words and arguments over ideas. Rather than

DEAR YOUNGER ME …

listening and learning from those who were much older and more experienced than me, I was determined to

fight hard and to not give up on any topic.

I built my leadership style largely on the well-known mantras of these two men, Lombardi and Churchill,

and their words guided virtually all of my thoughts and actions in the workplace. In hindsight, it is clear that

this was not a helpful or healthy approach to leading a family business. I had inadvertently adopted the wrong

leaders as role models and the wrong ideas of what comprised successful leadership. That is not to say that the

leadership shown by Lombardi and Churchill is somehow unworthy of being emulated. Rather, their leadership

styles were very successful and are very effective—especially if you are leading a football team or leading a

nation into war. They had the right leadership skills for the tasks they were called to, but these approaches

were not well-suited for leading a family enterprise. I’m not sure why it didn’t occur to me at the time, but football games and

world wars are obviously very different than a family business. Consequently,

the leadership styles required are very different. In a game, there can be only

one winner; in a family business, we should be looking for ways to ensure that

everyone wins. When fighting a war, many people die. However, no matter how

bad things get in a family enterprise, we need not create life-and-death

struggles. Instead, we should strive for goals that include love, respect, and

family harmony.

As a young man and as an aspiring successor, I had chosen powerful, successful leaders as my role models. However, I had chosen the wrong exemplars, or at least to cultivate the wrong character traits of these men,

given that my desire was to lead a family business.

Looking Ahead. In the pages ahead, we explore in more depth some of the unhelpful strategies I employed earlier in my career.

Happily, it has been said that in life you do not have to make every mistake yourself (and that you can learn

from other people’s mistakes). Therefore, I hope you can learn from my mistakes and be guided in taking a

different path. In addition, I commend to you other great leaders who might have been better role models for

me and who I think could be great exemplars for today’s family enterprise successors.

However, before we meet the nine role models I wish I had chosen for my career, we consider some general

guidance for aspiring successors, as well an introduction to the subject of management broadly and the field of

family enterprise specifically.

DEAR YOUNGER ME …

The following three pages offer an introduction to the importance of curiosity for building relationships, as well as for helping successors develop as leaders.

Curiosity Builds Strong Relationships Some people work very hard at building a professional network, keeping a list of the people they meet at

events and promising to stay in touch. A few decades ago, this involved collecting as many business cards as

possible. Now, thanks to technology, we use tools like LinkedIn to establish connections with a host of people,

including those whom we have never met.

In contrast, my dad built his network, as they say, “the old-fashioned way”—by meeting people face to

face, and typically for lunch. He then used the power of curiosity and his own mastery of asking questions to

build genuine relationships. For example, when he was president, our company had an executive dining room

on the top floor of the Bentall Three office tower in the heart of Vancouver. From the 32nd floor there was

commanding view of the downtown harbour and Stanley Park, and this provided a perfect setting for

entertaining business associates, along with members of our senior executive team. Dad would typically host

lunches two to three days a week, and he was widely known for his gracious hospitality and for taking an

interest in every aspect of others’ lives.

Every one of his guests felt important because they were the focus of his attention. That is, when they were

with him, he was with them. Although he asked questions, they never felt that they were being put on the spot; instead, they felt honoured as they were asked to share their lives and business interests with him. He was a

master of curiosity in that he knew how to ask the kind of questions that led to deeper conversations and,

ultimately, to loyal clients and lifelong friendships.

Conversations over lunch would follow a familiar pattern as the meal progressed. Dad would start by asking

his visitors about their families and personal interests. From there, the conversation would move into current

events and business news. As these relationships developed, conversations very naturally turned to business.

By the time lunch concluded, everyone at the table would have gained insights into our guests’ personal lives,

what was important to them in terms of business, and, if appropriate, what mutual business opportunities

might exist.

DEAR YOUNGER ME …

Curiosity was a very natural and essential element of his approach to

business. Dad always sought to establish a rapport and personal connection with clients, and that involved

coming to an understanding of what their needs were and how we could meet them. To help confirm his

understanding of a prospective client’s needs, he kept an 8 by 11-inch notepad and a sharpened HB pencil

at the ready. He summarized what he learned as he asked questions about budgets, prospects, plans, and

locations. His questions not only helped him to understand their needs but in some cases also led clients to

discover their own needs.

Numerous well-known executives in Vancouver acknowledged that Dad was the best salesman that they

had ever met, and he developed this reputation because he focused on understanding the clients’ needs and

not on selling our services. He accomplished this through the power of curiosity.

Curiosity Maintains Relationships Within a family enterprise, disagreements between generations are sometimes rooted in assumptions that

have the power to curtail curiosity. For example, if members of a family business assume that they already

know how other family members feel about a given situation, they are not likely to ask them for their ideas or

input on decisions. This shuts out family members, bypasses what could have been extremely helpful dialogue,

and has the potential to create a great deal of turmoil and regret.

To illustrate, one of my colleagues acted as a mediator between two co-owners of a family business who

had not spoken for 25 years. They were struggling to reach an agreement in what had become a protracted

dispute. When the mediator probed to find common ground through the use of curious questioning, the two

brothers eventually experienced a breakthrough. By utilizing curiosity, the facilitator of these discussions also

helped these men uncover the real source of their conflict. Tragically, 25 years before, the co-owners had each

made incorrect assumptions about the other, and this had led to a

complete break in their relationship for over two decades. If either one of

them had only been curious enough to ask a few questions, they could

have potentially been spared all those years of heartache.

Curiosity helps us to understand what others are thinking and feeling.

It is an important element in all of our relationships, and is particularly

DEAR YOUNGER ME …

important in a family business, where it can be tempting to “assume” you know what your partner/sibling/

family member is thinking, or feeling, simply because you may “think” you know them so well.

Curiosity Leads to Innovation Many family enterprises and companies have been born out of curiosity—that is, founded by individuals who

were experimenting with new ideas, inventions, or products. For example, the first vehicle that Henry Ford built

was the Quadricycle. Introduced in 1896, it was powered by a 4-horsepower motor and had only two forward

gears and no reverse. Nonetheless, it would take Ford another 12 years of experimenting and tinkering with

various ideas in order to develop the breakthrough Model T. “Previous models were the guinea pigs, one might

say, for … development of a car which would realize Henry Ford’s dream of a car which anyone could afford

to buy.”75 To build a prototype of the Model T, he created a special room where he and his team could unleash

their curiosity, trying out different design ideas.

As his team searched for ways to manufacture more quickly and more cheaply, Ford was ever curious about

new materials and new methods of production. For example, when he was first exposed to vanadium steel,

Ford enthused, “we can get a better, lighter, and cheaper car as a result of it.”76

DEAR YOUNGER ME … The following three pages illustrate how humility can be a powerful asset for a leader, stimulating corporate innovation and employee loyalty.

Adrian Fluevog (Fluevog Shoes)

“HUMILITY IS MORE THAN JUST A NICE IDEA”

Fluevog shoes are unique, inspired, and instantly recognizable. As a result, their

distinct art-deco-inspired designs have caught the attention of movie stars,

celebrities, and fashion trendsetters in New York and Hollywood. Beyoncé. Lady

Gaga. Madonna. They all wear them, and the Fluevog name is synonymous with

fashion footwear around the world. There are Fluevog retail stores in every major

city in Canada and more than a dozen in the USA, including in New York, Los

Angeles, Boston, Washington, DC, and New Orleans. Fluevog’s first European

outlet was recently opened in Amsterdam.

John Fluevog began designing shoes in Vancouver almost 50 years ago. His

son, Adrian, became CEO in 2017 and is the second-generation leader of the family business. In his younger

years, Adrian watched as his father become increasingly famous, successful, and influential. He also observed

that his father never allowed the adulation and success to go his head; John never became arrogant or proud.

Adrian believes that his father’s humility is one of the keys to the company’s success.

I recently spoke with Adrian about the connections between business and humility; his following insights

are quite compelling.

DEAR YOUNGER ME …

Humility in Leadership Inspires Mutual Respect Adrian believes that humility in leadership serves to establish a bond of mutual respect between leaders and

their employees. As he has consistently treated his employees with respect, their respect for him has

grown, and Adrian notes that building and maintaining

that bond have resulted in (at least) two key advantages for

his company.

INNOVATION

Adrian Fluevog, 2nd generation CEO of Fluevog Shoes

Once a foundation of mutual respect has been created,

people become willing to share their thoughts and ideas

more openly, whether it be in formal or informal lines of

communication. It also opens the door for employees to

point out problems and opportunities that they see (and

that the company ought to be addressing). This is where

the true value of humility begins to emerge—it fosters

open dialogue and the sharing of ideas that can, eventually,

lead to innovation. Ultimately, as discussed in chapter 2 of

section III, greater innovation can result in a competitive

advantage.

Adrian has seen this principle at work in his company.

As the CEO, he constantly feels pressure to come up with

new concepts and eye-catching designs for the upcoming

season. His humble leadership has inspired a trusting and

respectful relationship with his employees, and in turn they

have openly (and regularly) shared with him their ideas for

design and business.

DEAR YOUNGER ME …

This constant influx of ideas is one reason that creativity and fresh designs are the hallmarks of Fluevog

shoes.

On their own, Adrian and his father, John, each has plenty of design ideas. The point is that they are wise

enough and humble enough to ask for (and encourage) input from those around them.

Loyalty Adrian has followed in his father’s footsteps by recognizing that the company’s employees are essential to

Fluevog’s success. His humble style of leadership has allowed him to develop valued relationships with his

employees; he treats them as equals and is continuously looking for ways to demonstrate his appreciation

to them. When people feel valued, they are happier in their jobs and typically enjoy coming to work. This

helps to create an organizational culture where people support one another and want to work together.

When you have employees who are valued and happy and enjoy coming to work, employee loyalty

blossoms.

Humility Is More Than a Nice Idea In today’s world, employees are becoming more transient, and retaining talent is a genuine challenge for many

companies. Consequently, human resource experts have been developing creative strategies to improve

employee retention. Better benefits, Friday night beer-and-pizza nights, and bigger bonuses can play a

significant role in improving company loyalty and employee retention.

But the least expensive and most reliable way to generate loyalty is to let employees know that they are

valued. This starts at the top with humility in leadership.

Astonishingly, being a humble leader is not just a “nice idea.” As Adrian Fluevog has discovered, it can

generate innovation, establish a competitive advantage, and even enhance the employees’ loyalty and

dedication.

Who would have thought that humility could be such a powerful asset in the toolkit of a leader?

DEAR YOUNGER ME … The following three pages explore how Gandhi’s leadership was animated and enhanced by his determination to listen, even to his enemies.

Gandhi LEADING BY LISTENING

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi was a devout religious man who wore simple clothing, ate simple foods, and,

for the most part, spoke in a soft voice. Yet he was one of the greatest political activists of the 20th century,

and his non-violent approach to change still serves as an inspiration to those fighting for civil rights in countries

around the world.

Gandhi was born in British-occupied India in 1869, and he devoted most of his life to leading India in its

quest for independence. He studied law in London and later made his way to South Africa, where he gained

some prominence for defending his fellow Indians from bureaucratic

oppression. This no doubt influenced his antipathy towards colonialism, and

when he returned to India in 1915, he began his remarkable lifelong journey

to bring about change through non-violent civil disobedience.

Much of what he accomplished was started by simply listening.

Leaders Are Listeners We typically think of prominent political leaders as being master orators who carefully use their words to

inspire and persuade. Eventually, as his prominence grew, Gandhi also became a gifted communicator and an

inspiring leader, but he first became a leader of the Indian independence movement by listening.

At a time when there were plenty of shrill voices and activists demanding that the British leave India, Gandhi

developed credibility primarily by listening to the needs and concerns of his fellow countrymen and serving as

their legal advocate. In this way, he came to be trusted and to enjoy tremendous influence amongst his country-

DEAR YOUNGER ME …

men, including peasants, farmers, and labourers. Simi-

larly, he gained the attention of the authorities for his

willingness to work within the British legal system.

Gandhi was allegedly able to listen even to his

enemies instead of getting angry. This was remarkable,

and such magnanimity was perhaps one of his greatest

weapons in his successful quest to bring about the

liberation of India.

Listening to Those Who Oppose Us After the highly controversial and non-violent revolution

had begun, Gandhi faced fierce opposition, and his op-

ponents would often write him to decry his approach.

Desai, one of his loyal aids, “feared that the vengeful

letters would only distract Gandhi from his mission of

nonviolence and decided to shield his leader from all

the negativity. He hid the bad letters and quietly an-

swered them himself.”

But it did not take long for Gandhi to realize that something was amiss, and he told Desai, “I seem to be

getting only nice letters lately. Where are the critical ones?” Desai admitted that he had kept the hate mail

from Gandhi. We can all learn from Gandhi’s response to the situation: “I need the negative letters. My critics

are my best friends—they show me what I have still to learn.”

What a liberating insight! Rather than reject criticism, Gandhi chose to embrace it and learn from it. His detractors became his tutors.

Gandhi, 1869-1948 Born in British-occupied India, he devoted most of his

life to leading India in its quest for independence.

liberation of India.

learned from it.

DEAR YOUNGER ME …

Rather than simply becoming a self-righteous advocate and a crusader for his own cause, Gandhi was open

to listening—always seeking to hear more, know more, and understand more.

Gandhi’s approach has since inspired leaders of civil rights movement such as Martin Luther King Jr. and

Nelson Mandela. It has inspired both world leaders and those in the lowliest of places. It is of little wonder that

it also holds great potential to inform and assist family business successors today.

Successors as Agents of Change Family enterprise successors often want to be catalysts for change. I know,

because I was once a young executive who tried to change our family business

by constantly advocating for radical change. I believed that those who led our

business at that time ought to have been much more open to new ideas.

So I became an agitator for change, but not in the way that Gandhi did. I

did not ask questions or cultivate my listening skills, and I certainly did not seek to understand the perspective

of those in charge. I was demanding and critical and sought a result that worked for me instead of a solution

that worked for the good of all the stakeholders. In the end, this resulted in me being removed from the

business, and, as a consequence, I forfeited my opportunity to have any influence at all.

Wise successors are those who resist the temptation to become self-righteous advocates or crusaders for

their own pet projects. Like Gandhi, they recognize that their most important asset is their ability to listen. Wise

successors ask questions and then truly listen to the answers in an effort to understand what is best for all the

stakeholders. Then they can become an educated agent of change who can champion solutions that are in the

best interests of everyone.

Gandhi listened to the people of India, and he heard their cry for change. But that is only half of the story,

because Gandhi also listened to the British authorities. By listening to both sides, Gandhi was instrumental in

finding a path forward that honoured and respected both sides.

As has been noted in earlier chapters, listening can become an extremely powerful tool when it is coupled

with humility and empathy. In fact, these other two qualities not only amplify the impact of a good listener; they

are foundational to an individual who wants to improve their listening skills. If a person then adds curiosity to

the mix, they have the potential to turbocharge the impact they make. (See diagram on page 148.)

Dear Younger Me shares insights from the Bentall Family, Wisdom for Successors, and 9 Key Leadership traits, all as noted in the following Table of Contents:

I The Bentall Family Story 1. Aspiring to Lead 2. Working Together as Family 3. Struggling with Succession

II Wisdom for Successors

1. Family Enterprise Distinctives 2. Perspectives on Succession 3. Preparing for Leadership

III Transforming Your Leadership

1. Humility: Getting Out of Your Own Way 2. Curiosity: Discovering the Doorway to Innovation 3. Listening: Accessing the Wisdom All Around You 4. Empathy: The Power to Connect with Others 5. Forgiveness: The Secret to Living Free 6. Gratitude: Discovering the Magic in Every Day 7. Critical Thinking: Assessing Options Rather than Criticizing Others 8. Patience: Waiting Without Frustration 9. Contentment: The Pathway to Poise and Focus

IV Wisdom from Successors 1. Adrian Fluevog (Fluevog Shoes): “Humility Is More Than Just A Nice Idea” 2. Laura Kusisto (Kenroc Building Supplies): “Curiosity Creates A Career” 3. Andrew Williams (North Prairie Developments): “Listening Makes A Leader” 4. Michelle Jones-Ruppel (West Coast Auto Group): “Empathy in A Man’s World” 5. Shaun Plotkin (Plotkin Health): “Forgiveness Is A Willingness to Let Go” 6. Erik Brinkman (Brinkman Reforestation): “Finding Gratitude in the Amazon” 7. Breanne Ramsay (Britt Land & Engagement): “Hard on Issues/ Soft on People” 8. Ellisha Mott (Mott Electric): “Patience Is A Deliberate Choice” 9. MeiLi Coon (Trilogy Excursions): “Pursuing Your Passion Leads to Contentment”

V Exemplary Leaders & Role Models

1. Benjamin Franklin: Choosing to Cultivate Humility 2. Albert Einstein: Insatiable Curiosity 3. Gandhi: Leading by Listening 4. Mother Teresa: Changing the World With Empathy 5. Nelson Mandela: Forgiveness on A Grand Scale 6. Kim Phuc: Gratitude Rises from the Horrors of War 7. Walt Disney: Critical Thinking and the Magic Kingdom 8. John Wooden: A Dynasty Founded on Patience 9. Helen Keller: Contentment in Spite of Circumstances

VI Help Along the Way

1. Taking Action 2. Assessments & Mentoring

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