dear facdl
DESCRIPTION
Corrections responds to FACDLTRANSCRIPT
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Dear FACDL: It has come to our attention that your members have raised concerns about the release of your clients who have posted bail, and the processing of court orders ordering said release. First: have you ever considered having your client escape? It’s quicker, easier, and saves paperwork, which means it’s “green” and we at the Dade County Department of Corrections are nothing if not “green”. In fact, we wear green! However, if some of you insist on the bail process, please know a few things: 1) We have a guy named Rob processing the bonds. Rob works on days that don’t end in “Y”. We can’t tell you for security reasons the hours he works. But know that he processes all bond applications on the department’s new vacuum tubed UNIVAC computer. The punch cards with the information are fed into the UNVAC with great efficiency by Gladys, who while she doesn’t speak or understand English, makes a great cup of Cuban Coffee for the boys in the back. 2) Because we transitioned to TGK from PTDC, the lawsuits regarding the release of inmates on the streets from the towns surrounding TGK necessitate that when ordered released from TGK, we drive the inmates back to PTDC. Now stop for a moment and examine this: we used to process and release inmates from PTDC. Now, we drive the inmates to TGK, and when they are ordered released, we drive them back to PTDC where we release them. We have had several efficiency experts assess our decision to move operations to TGK. Most opined that the only less efficient method would be to move the inmates from TGK to Metro West before moving them to PTDC. Therefore, we will be implementing this recommended step in the near future. 3) Processing Court Orders: Nothing brings a smile to a corrections officer’s face than ignoring a court order. We take the small pleasures in our job where we can find them. Usually, we prefer to just say we never received the order. We like to do this between the 8 and 10 times as per our corrections manual’s recommended procedure. The new system where the order is clocked into the clerk’s office has put a crimp in our procedures. However, where there’s a will, there’s a way to frustrate justice. You can expect in the future that we will deny receiving the orders you claim you left, and blame the clerk’s office. I mean everyone else blames the clerk’s office, why shouldn’t we? 3A) AFTER HOURS: In the event an order needs to be processed during non-‐business hours, we are establishing a call center in Bombay, India to assist you. The script, which has not yet been finalized, will be something like this:
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“Welcome to the Dade County Department of Corrections. Our menu has recently changed so please listen to all the options. If you are a judge calling to see where the court officers assigned to your court are today, please press one. If you are a Judge who has pressed one and court was set for 9 am, and it is not past 10:30, please hang up and call back. If you are a defense attorney seeking to find out when you client will be released, please press 112390673281909865241 “Hello this is Chulalongkorn Ramathibodi but you may call me Thiruvanamthapuram, how may I be of assistance to you this fine day?” (You) “Uh, I have this order to have my client released.” “It will be my distinct and fine pleasure to assist you today in that regard. May I have your name?” “Joe” “Did you say Peter?” “No. Joe” “Did you say William” “No. Joe.” “Did you say Suzzane?” “No. My name is Joe. It’s Joe.” “Henry, please accept my very distinct apologies for this very terrible mix-‐up. How many I be of service on behalf of the Dade County Department of Corrections to you for this very fine and distinct day?” “I already told you. I have an order to have my client released.” “Yes I see Henry. That is indeed a problem. May I put you on hold for not more than a quick seventy four minutes and not one distinct moment more?” “Well, no….” Click.
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“If you would like to make a call, please hang up and then dial again.” 4. Mission statement: It is the mission of the Dade County Department of Corrections to………run the jail….run the jails (plural)…..bring people to court…. 5. Forget the mission statement for a moment. It is our hope that this letter will foster a spirit of cooperation between the DOC and the defense bar and that in the future you will receive the same level of service that you have come to expect. Thank You. Chief so and so. DOC.