8/20/2019 Dear 20

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Dear 20,

I know you’re terrifed, homeless and broke, dependent on the

courtesy o strangers. You’re probably hiding in a public bathroom

as we speak, gasping or air like a fsh thrown out o water, heartbeating out o control, uestioning your sanity and why you can’t

take the bus on some days or e!en lea!e your dorm room on

others. It’s been f!e years already, and I’m sure that you’re

wondering i we’!e done well, i we’!e ound lo!e, stability and

ortune, i we’!e ound success. I’m sorry to disappoint you baby

girl, but we’!e lost it all. "r rather, gi!en it all up. #ut I need you

to trust me when I tell you that it was all done by choice. You’!e

cut the strings with seamless precision. You’!e done it because

you couldn’t a$ord losing yoursel, so you lost e!erything elseinstead, and I’m proud o you or doing that. %hen I look at all the

people crushed under the weight o things that are no longer

helping them &ourish, all in the name o righteousness or logic, I

can see that we’!e made the right choice.

 You, my love, have been reborn, and this time you will

decide what to grow into.

It still hurts a little, the pain you’!e accumulated o!er the pastf!e years, but I thank you or realising that it’s not yours to carry

anymore. Yesterday I re!isited the cabinet where it has all been

archi!ed, neatly sorted into categories' remorse, sel(loathing,

an)iety, doubt, ear. I ga*ed at all o them triumphantly' they are

no longer part o you, part o us. "ne day you will orget where

they are, and all those empty spaces where they used to dwell

will be flled with luscious gardens. You’re a ertile ground kid, are

you aware o that yet+ " all the beauty that can grow inside o 

you+ #eauty that was ne!er recognised, that was dismissed,abused, misused and discarded. Do you know that it was all done

to you in ear+ o+ You’ll see. -i!e years time is closer than you

think, ust blink twice and meet me at the debris o this ortress

we’!e been building.

8/20/2019 Dear 20

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Rejoice in its destruction and dance naked by my side

around the fre that we have set to it. They will hear our

intoxicated laughs and they will know that all their eorts

to break us were in vein. Were invincible.

#ut abo!e all, I want you to know that you are lo!ed. /nd i you

stand still, listen to the silence o your mind and peer into the

darkness o nothingness, you will eel it. -lowing harmoniously

through your e)tremities is eternity, the all and the nothing, and

that is where you come rom and to where you shall return. /nd it

lo!es you, unconditionally, so embrace it, embrace this

nothingness because at the center o all things is !oid. Do not

ear it and to not seek to fll it, people who are always seeking get

trapped by the pursuit. o seek not and it will all come to you atthe right moment. 1n!ision it, call or it, work or it, but do not run

ater it. rust me little one, ater all I am older and thereore wiser.

!inally, and this is very im"ortant, there is nothing #ucking

wrong with you.

o stop chewing your lips bloody trying to fnd answers because

there are none. here is you, there is what you keep, what you

shed o$ and what you replace it with, no right and no wrong. 3o!eyoursel, with e!erything you ha!e to o$er. #e an open !essel and

lo!e will &ow into you.

"h, how I wish I could peer into your autumn eyes and kiss your

lips, stroke you hair and take you out or a drink. I ha!e so much

to tell you. #ut or now, happy 24th birthday kiddo, can’t wait till

we speak again.

3o!e,

24