deadbeat

THE DEADBEATEntire Sector Wiped OutA! members of SED/ICT ki!ed in tragic, but avoidable, accident

OUIDAH - Since the beginning they knew they were “hot shit” but it only snowballed as time continued. The SED/ICT volunteers have yet to let anyone forget that nobody in their program has ET-ed and that their APCD is the sexiest Beninese man on Earth. Moments before the beginning of their Early COS succession the group a final blowout. As usual, those not in SED/ICT felt left out and turned in early. A couple of EA volunteers nearly with it enough to be in SED/ICT, the last ones to leave the party alive, said the crowd was full of energy but nobody talked about anything besides how great SED is, was, and ever will be. Investigators assume the SEDocentrism made heads

bigger and bigger resulting in each brain bursting. “It’s like when someone vomits, others smell it and start heaving.” This time though, as the coroner has confirmed the domino effect can be attributed to the pressure increase associated with an immediate soar in social status. For example when Ms. McCollom’s head exploded Ms. Miner realized she’d moved up, by default, in the ranks of coolness. Mr. Dali, boyfriend of Miner, benefited as well, cool by association. Neither were equipped to deal with the immediate soar in social status and in turn their brains exploded. This tragedy has, surprisingly , not been met with an outpour of support from the other

sectors, nor even Peace Corps Headquarters. “I wish I could say they’d be missed, but, frankly, after they released the SED|BEAT.. Well, let’s just say if this hadn’t happened I might have taken matters into my own hands,” said Natalie Newman. The Medical Unit has issued a warning to all PSL-19 SED/ICT volunteers against a possible ripple effect, and has advised them to not gather in groups of more than three lest tragedy strike again.

EDITION PSL VOLUME 18

PAGE 1

Important Reminder:Remaining Holidays in Benin when the PC office will be closed. Those in Bold, Italic and underlined are Benin holidays so also for PCVs, remember that PCVs do not get American holidays.

Wednesday, July 4 - US Independence Day

Saturday, July 14 - Bastille Day

Thursday, July 19 - Houngbedji’s Birthday

Wednesday, August 1Benin Independence Day

*In addition, please note that the office will be closed for the month of June for US Employee Month and for the month of August for US Em-ployer Appreciation Month.

PCV days remaining this year:

October 5 & 6

NEWS BRIEFS

Carpenter turned Carpenter

After mixed success in her website creation firm, Theresa Carpenter, has broken new ground in Benin today. In order to supplement her income, she has become the nation’s first female carpenter. “My name had nothing to do with it: the money is good and I get to create.” Whether she’s building tables of wood or creating tables in HTML we wish her well: Peace out girl scout!

PC Equipment Vandalized

After a lethal computer virus named Pimp Daddy wiped their USB clefs clean, Sue and Kat decided to seek revenge on some poor, yet deserving soul. Beckoned by the ‘toner low’ indication on the printer, they abducted the unfortunate victim, jumping on zems touting ‘dieu te voit’ Let’s hope Dieu didn’t see their next actions, as they headed to the bush, throwing the poor guy to the ground and pummeling him till he was no longer…Fortunately, a kind soul located the PC reference number on the side and returned the printer to Peace Corps, who restored it to its rightful place in the third floor computer lounge.

Trouble at Le Chevalier

According to US Weekly, this week’s party girl, Erin Crysler, bitch-slapped Lindsey Lohan at Le Chevalier for trying to cover of her rendition of ‘Georgia’. Tensions were mounting throughout the evening at Le Chevalier, West

Africa’s premier nightclub, but the two feuding divas appeared civil as they danced among separate entourages. It wasn’t until Lohan’s beau of the moment, Orlando Bloom, spied Miss Crysler and reportedly said “mmm, slice me off a piece of that…’, Lohan jumped onstage to tear the microphone out of her rival’s hand. Miss Lohan is currently hospitalized and will be attending rehabilitation. On the other hand, Miss Crysler had only one comment: ‘It was a shit show…but bitch had it comin’to her!’

Landmark PCPP Funded

Pahou volunteer, Garrett Hyzer, opened the first McDonald’s in Benin today as a result of a groundbreaking PCPP. Titled “Education Center for Entrepreneurs / Nutrition Center / Youth Recreation Area”, the project was funded in record time. The opening ceremony was accompanied by a women’s groupement who honored the first chicken McNuggets with a fine rendition of the Beninese chicken dance. This McDonalds franchise is completely staffed and supplied by local women and uses only renewable or recyclable byproducts like banana leaf wrappers, tree bark, and tires. It is rumored that his plump, red tomatoes are grown in the finest human excrement available. Garrett sees growth potential for his franchise, and is threatening to take over Cotonou, even as Cotonou takes over Pahou. Watch out Steers!

Improving Health Through Drinking

Noticing the declining health and eyesight of many of their Adja land neighbors, Brandy and Cortney, have been leading, until now, secret operation in bootlegged sodabi—we didn’t think it was possible either, but apparently, you can even bootleg homemade brew. They have been utilizing the expertise of Kantos

for the past two years to develop a unique blend of Sodabi, moringa powder and a secret ingredient rumored to be the charred remains of Amanda’s dog. (Poor little guy) The duo has created a blend that is robust in flavor and is guaranteed improve the health you and your children.

Volunteer Forms ONG

After losing yet another beloved furry friend (see Improving Health Through Drinking), Amanda has chartered a new NGO with her artisan colleagues called: “The society of wreaking havoc and civil disobedience on all individuals who seek to kidnap, maim, dismember, quarter, disembowel, decapitate, de-hair, disgorge, dissect, or otherwise maim four-legged friends for purposes other than lucrative scientific experiment, oh we’re against ‘haters’ too.” (S.W.H.C.D.A.I.W.S.K.M.D.Q.D.D.D.D.D.O.M.F.F.P.O.L.S.E.O.W.A.H.T.) They meet daily at eight, ten, two, and six at the yellow bar to discuss their strategy and to booze up. She welcomes newcomers but kindly requests that you leave all monkeys at home.


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Suggestion BoxYour comments make a difference! Here is a sampling of the most helpful we’ve received this month

• Trojan XXXXXXXL condoms for those extra large members

• Hyper-color MIF kits (to make MIFing even more fun)

• More Mefloquine!

• Sex-locks on the med-unit rooms (or socks to hang on door handles)

• More paperwork for COS

• Less prepared water in the med unit—it’s fun to boil water ourselves!

NEWS BRIEFS (CONT.)

Ground Breaking Operation to be Performed in Cotonou

Curtis Roberts has announced that he is actually a heterosexual woman trapped in a gay man’s body. He has scheduled a sex change operation at the CNHU-Cotonou, where highly capable physicians will perform the first sex change in West Africa.

“I would actually prefer that Dr. Lomo perform the surgery,” said Curtis. “But the CNHU staff seemed very confident, and told me they had done it ‘a million times’.”

If successful, Curtina will look like a cross between Angelina Jolie and Michael Jackson, and will be relocating to China to pursue his- er- her lifelong dream of becoming a Chinese opera diva, accompanied by her Nigerian boyfriend, Houmoulou.

Peace Corps Benin Announces New Shuttle

Even after working with Peace Corps to organize taxi drivers for Cotonou, Meredith Michaud was still not satisfied with the transportation situation after-hours. In large part thanks to her efforts Peace Corps recently announced a new shuttle schedule that included a nightly Cotonou route. “This puts the Safe Ride Home buses we had in college to shame” beamed Meredith. Not only will Peace Corps pick you up and drop you off, it will also stock the Land Cruisers with “American Flag” bottles of alcohol. (PC Regulation 13,33R states all alcohol consumed in US Government vehicles must be domestically produced) The Land Cruisers, in their new mode, will also feature spinning hub caps, ground effects and loud dance music with strobe lights.

Finishing School Opens

After evaluating the specific needs of his community, Charles has

developed a business plan that is beneficial for all.

He has decided to give something

back to the individuals who have given him so much pleasure and fulfillment.

Utilizing his southern charms,

Charles has recently opened the

Reeves Finishing School for Young Women. Young women between the ages of 14 and 18 are personally selected by Charles to train at this state of the art facility in courses ranging from conversation skills to proper walking and sitting techniques for a ‘lady’ as well as some more ‘practical’ and ‘hands-on’ pursuits. Though some questions have arisen about what sort of charms Charles is focusing on, we have been assured that his intentions are chastely honest.

New Peace Corps Equipment to be Issued

Shayne Doyle recently revealed her plans to develop and market a new type of bicycle seat, one that is constructed of environmentally-friendly materials, is more efficient and ‘is designed to protect and preserve the hyper-sensitive punani’. When asked what motivated her to develop such a seat, Shayne declined a response, but sources say that a personal and traumatic experience may have led her on this venture. Her business strategy is simple: she plans to use her new beau as bait to lure white women to trade shows where she will unveil the new gelatinous mold seat, patented as the ‘punani protector’. The breakthrough seat will be available in a variety of colors and is customizable to fit the special needs of every client. Add-on features, such as massaging finger-like nubs

for those extra-long bike rides are available to increase the overall benefits. The ‘punani protector’ will be available in stores nationwide and will be distributed to all female Peace Corps volunteers worldwide in order to avoid, “any unfortunate events,” though we are unsure what those may be.

Volunteer Promotes Village

Seeing that her village was not even on the map, Erin Sillin has launched a new plan to draw visitors and national attention to Ago…something. After much debate and a few under-the-table bribes, Erin convinced the mayor and other authorities to change the town name to mirror one of her more successful projects, and thus Ago-whoosey-whatsit will henceforth be known as Pooville. The town plans to build a new goudron to increase access to the village, which will feature state-of-the art latrines or poo-places. After arriving in Pooville, visitors can visit the Pooblic gardens, shop at Poo Poo Palace Mall, or while away the afternoon at the first amusement park in Benin, Poo Land. Disney may have a run for their money, as competition will surely spike once children throw off their stupid mouse ears and flock to see the Poo Poo Pony. A range of souvenirs including shot glasses, hats, signature perfumes, recipes and replica li’l nuggets will be available, so that everyone can take Pooville back home with them.


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Sexy TimeTips for gettin’ it on without word gettin’ out

Odds are if you’re a guy in Benin you should be getting action. Those are just the odds. Why then, are my friends complaining about the ‘dry season’ (not chaleur)? First, does anyone like sloppy seconds? We all agree no. You might not be that opposed to them but you sure as hell don’t like ‘em. Here’s a secret: girls hate ‘em. So, if you’re going to be successful you’ve got to maintain a clean, sparkling, immaculate image. I cannot stress the importance of keeping a low profile. People have got to think you never leave post. Your postmate also has to be sly and most importantly have a personal

stake in not outing you. I’ve found food is a pretty good bribe. Now the challenge: a grandslam! Realize that you’re in a whole new ball game. No disrespect but PC girls are just as, actually more hard up than PC guys (save the smart ones who date outside of the PC community). It’s certain that you had trouble with the ladies in the States, or else you wouldn’t be volunteering: pretty people don’t have to volunteer. Since these girls are easy but your not good with girls here’s a quick review:

1. Put your arm around her.2. Smile with that “You couldn’t

be more beautiful” look in your eye.

3. Squeeze a little tighter when you laugh.

4. Invite her to a more private place. This is the bi$est issue for PCVs;

even you dolts that watch Star

Trek and don’t know anything about sports. Nothing is private in PC! This is why a clean image is imperative. Your image makes her feel safe to go to a private place because nothing’s going to happen because nothing ever happens with this guy.

5. Kiss her. WHOA! Something’s happening,

she thinks, and it’s special because nothing ever happens with this guy.

6. Do your thing.Alright, you can treat your new found success like A) a JV basketballer and boast to your boys of your latest conquest or B) you could keep it quiet. Which do you think is a better way of ensuring future ‘tang? If you picked A the good news is you won’t have to worry about any pregnancy scares anytime soon, I hope you have a two year supply of lotion.

Look for THESE in Jonquet!

New Titles, staring PCVs!


PAGE 4

Talk Nerdy to Me

Ones and Zero's have never been so hot. A bout with amoebas causes a few 'syntax errors' to occur but, our heroes recover by spouting off HTML en francais.

Hitchhikers Guide to Benin

Two volunteers thumb across the country. But, there's no such thing as a free ride. Times get tough when the camion drivers of Djougou refuse to rouler protege.

Not so Small, Small

She was headed to the marche for some plastics and got more than she discutered for...

IF I DIE BEFORE I WAKE I PRAY THE LORD MY SOUL TO TAKE...

I’d already said goodbye to my family and friends, just in case. Now, I sit wearing a little more than with what I came into this world. My heart races under the hospital green smock. It’s not everyday you get something this delicate removed. Over the past couple of months I’ve been coming to terms with my diagnosis.

I remember being so terribly embarrassed before during the diagnosis process. I’d sit in the med unit TV room, people would come in and ask me what I was ‘in for’. Tears welled in my eyes, I was torn. They were asking me to disclose more than I wanted or to lie to them. Lie! I chose half-truth responding with, “We’re still trying to figure it out.” Even this answer made me feel like an outcast. God, why couldn’t I have just had schisto?

I felt all alone. Then, Anne said to everyone at All Vol,’it’s alright to take the mickey out of someone, you just have to be careful.’ That put me at ease and afterwards I told only my closest

friends that I was finally ready to have the mickey taken out of me.

TUCKER TRANSFERS, VOLUNTEERS VOMIT

COTONOU - Minor shock waves rippled there way through southern Benin a few months ago when the announcement of APCD Gabe Tucker’s reassign-ment was made. “It hit me like some bad guacamole,” com-mented Margaret Graham. “It

went down alright, but an hour later I began vomiting and won-dering if I could go on.” Though well publicized, Gabe’s February departure arrived much too quickly for most. When asked if she found life post-Gabe rougher SPA addict Emily Howe replied, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.” A few other volunteers voiced their feelings about Gabe’s trans-fer to Togo. “I have an Uncle Gabe, he’s aloof and unreliable. It’s weird how my former APCD Gabe isn’t at all like that. I guess it just goes to show no two Gabe’s are the same.”, Courtney Haley. While Sue Duvall added, “He seemed like a really nice guy;

I’m sure I would have loved working with him.” Our corre-spondent in South Africa had this to say: “I appreciated the level of comfort my boss had with me. The day he left his MIF kit lefto-vers in my bathroom, knowing I would be more than thrilled to take care of them for him proved he saw us as equals.” A distinct drop in volunteer productivity across sectors was realized in the quarters following Gabe’s depar-ture. The law of cause and effect proven yet again but, can PC Be-nin handle the equal and oppo-site reaction?

BLAGUEUn petit s’est approché à son professeur de maths pour lui donner ses exercises. ‘Monsieur, qu’elle est la différence entre l’addition et la mutliplication.Le professeur a repondu : Putain ! Je déteste les putains élèves ! Va à l’enfer !


PAGE 5

FLAVORED CONDOMS

Reviewed at last

As part of our standard issue medical kits, Peace Corps graciously provided us with more than the standard issue condom. Not content with the simple LifeStyles (or for variety the LifeStyles Xtra Pleasure) they took it one step further. That’s right: flavors. In their commitment to us and our sexual safety we were given a plethora of pleasure protectors, a cornucopia of condoms, a dowry of dong sarongs, a fistful of flavors. No one knows exactly what sparked their appearance... Perhaps the medical staff thought they knew something about PSL-18, or perhaps they were just on sale. The world may never know. In continual pursuit of the truth we sought out each of the flavors, traveling far and wide across Benin; from the deep south where we discovered the mint flavor, to the far north where vanilla and chocolate blossom. With help from guest reviewers Chestie LaRue, Bambi and Mimi, you can go forth armed with the knowledge and power of flavor selection.Because of the larger number of reviewers, comments could not be easily attributed. Please note all opinions are completely biased. If you don’t agree with us you’re probably wrong.

Strawberry (Pink)

Delightful memories of Strawberry Shortcake and Strawberry Sundaes might draw you initially to this sweet flavor. The delectable fruit overtones and pleasing pinkish hue of the condom surface will make you stay. That is if you can stand the somewhat sour, artificial and non-long-lasting taste that is delivered.“It certainly sme!s berryish! I’! take the tip.”CL: 2/5 B: 2.5/5 M: 4/5 L: 3/5

Banana (Yellow)

Ignoring the obvious phallic connotations of this fruit inspired flavor was difficult. Banana flavor is possibly the most widely divided review condom. Our reviewers either liked it a lot, or didn’t like it at all.“I’m very satisfied with banana”CL: 4/5 B: 4/5 M: 2/5 L: 1/5

Mint (Green)

The more self-concious of us might be tempted to choose this flavor, however the reviewers were nearly unanimous in agreement that this flavor did not live up to its’ potential at all.“This is a nice toilet bowl color, scent: mouth wash.”CL: 1/5 B: 1/5 M: 3/5 L: 2/5

Vanilla (Blue)

Ice cream. Is there anything else that is vanilla flavored? And honestly, who even really LIKES vanilla? I mean, sure we tolerate it alone... but vanilla is a base flavor. A flavor to be augmented with chocolate bits, orange popsicles, almost anything BUT wang. Suffice to say the reviews on this flavor were negative.“This color blue makes me think of a baby boy, not what I want to be

thinking of in a situation where these would come in handy!”CL: 0/5 B: .5/5 M: 1/5 L: 0/5

Chocolate (Black)

Unlike vanilla, chocolate is a flavor that can stand on it’s own two feet. With memories of Hershey’s chocolate milk, can you really go wrong with a flavor like this?“Once you’ve gone black...”CL: 4.5/5 B: 4.5/5 M: 4/5 L:4/5

Grape (Purple)

Grape is another one of those flavors that like licorice is either hated with passion or loved with the same. The pretty color and chewing-gum reminiscent flavor will take you back.“It sme!s like candy... Big League Chew maybe”CL: 3/5 B: 3/5 M: 4/5 L: 1/5

Cola (Latex)

All of these childhood memories bundled up in little plastic packages are actually somewhat disturbing. Cola flavor is derived from Kola nuts, which are readily available here in Benin. They are high in caffeine and are a mild hallucinogen. Sounds like the perfect formula for a condom.“This is the one I feel most warmly about performing on”CL: 4/5 B: 4.5/5 M: 2/5 L: 2/5

Conclusion

Top three flavors for each reviewer were as follows:CL: Chocolate, Cola, BananaB: Chocolate, Cola, BananaM: Strawberry, Grape, ChocolateL: Chocolate, Strawberry, Cola


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PAGE 7

12. Sonny and ______14. Smooth _____ silk15. Take a ride on my _____, baby16. Product of Songhaï18. Dangerous insecticide still used in Benin21. Our month-long CD22. Comé roadside specialty23. 9 weeks of Hades24. The endangered sector25. A Beninois urinal27. Time, tag, and a-muffin starter28. Fave shop spot for female PCVs vacationing in Paris29. Aerobic starter31. Position of 94-across35. Who shot _____?37. A frequent tobacco chewer38. Gwyneth’s daughter40. An African papoose41. Beninese secret society42. The light at the end of the tunnel45. ______ joy46. Preferred mode of transport for PCVs47. Peace Corps and Marine Corps ver-sions surprisingly similar48. Home of “Sister, Sister”49. Instant hangover in a box51. Bonne place to pick up chicks53. She works hard for her money, so you better treat her right56. Chez our dear PCV refugees58. 12h – 15h59. Baseball stat60. Ca empêche les bisous62. Easier to buy in Jonquet than regular movies67. Preferred over cups, even if smelly68. Bouffer, literally69. By way of70. Children do this partout except in latrines71. Yoga greeting72. The cause of and solution to all of life’s problems (in Benin)75. Pounded on a daily basis (Fr.)77. Ice, Choco, Yogo, Xtra starter79. They’re here to listen81. Anne Martin’s neighbor82. Mosquitoes and prostitutes swarm now85. Le fruit musical86. Response to Nasuba91. Jim fears its creation93. They keep you regular95. Minimum number of times Ben’Dali has had amoebas97. Attracts tanties98. Style of The Specials and The Mighty Mighty Bosstones101. _______ mater102. “J’ai un peu de ______ “105. Reed instrument106. Chez les yovos107. “Who’s the doctor they told you to go see?”109. License to _____110. Soap112. Half of candy (Fr.)114. Plusieurs boys (and maybe a femme)116. Length of Peace Corps service118. Newbie120. ______ Roger’s Neighborhood

ACROSS1. Universal road sign4. This actually proves that you were in your village11. You13. Leg17. Try again19. Useless PC acronym20. Can be done during larium dreams23. They think their sector is the best26. E.E.’s post28. The third eye30. _______ Samba32. The _____ of Pooh33. Goudron34. The only answer to “C’est quelle viande?”36. Peace Corps rite of passage39. Fan _____40. The other blanc meat43. Crappy Hanson song44. Reptilian insurance salesman46. The Lambada in Benin49. Place that prevents ETing50. PSL 17/18 Med Unit favorite52. White=Bad, Red=Good54. The virus that causes AIDS55. “The trash _____ has spoken.”56. Benin’s friendly neighbor to the west57. Where to go to get WASTEd61. What your parents don’t want you to do

with your local zemidjan driver63. new Areeba64. Home of Anderson Cooper65. _____-you66. Femelle nightwatchman69. 54-across en français70. Il transmet la rage73. African bedpan74. Classic gaming system76. Bro’ of PC POTUS78. Ecobank necessity79. Superfly80. Soothes the burn83. To’ up from da flo’ up84. Home of strawberry fanmilk, nachos, and sushi87. Backstreet bad boy88, Rhymes with pita89. Soyez dans le ______90. La latrine de Dieu, aka Shitter’s Ridge91. Uptight92. What 94-across will say if you ask to go to 56-down94. ______ Martin96. New Jersey city across the river from Philly97. Elton John’s Tantrums and _________99. Neither100. Gangsta _____103. Coming ______104. _______keeper108. Poo preserver

111. Don’t forget113. Liquid pulled from a French teat115. Canard, Canard, ______117. Important component of Happy Hour119. Every female PCV’s fave question (abbr.)121. Cheap Nigerian substitute of 2-down122. Computer key123. OA124. Neither “neither” nor “nor”125. Down under (abbr.)126. “It opened up my eyes”127. Pre-omelet128. ____ Patrick’s Day

DOWN1. Where the pots are made2. Original version of 121-across3. Sauf ça, nous sommes le même4. Language spoken in Senegal5. Measured by a tachometer6. Tom’s favorite kind of dance7. HQ of The Man8. You never thought this could be so comfortable during chaleur9. After SBEE, home of most miser-able employees in Benin10. If you were in US, where to go when urgently sick11. Post Script

Ly Nguyen: Launches a career as a voice as Slexia in the adult oriented animated series power strangers, becoming famous for her magnificent fake orgasm. Took her goat fiance back to the states, but is still in love with Lyle.Stephanie DeLude: The new-est sensation since the Folger’s ad-campaign: the Acapella jingle “Fluff all over my Face”Katie McCollom: Rocked Si-mon Cowell’s socks off with her rendition of “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” becoming the second Oklahoman to win the show’s contest. David Kerry Burns: MIAShayne Doyle: became Peace Corps’s most successful recruiter in history. Many attribute the greatness to her showcasing of her HOTT HCN hubby, Pablo.Margaret Graham: Finished in the top of her class at Harvard Law. She’s using the degree to start basketball camps all over the developing world.Courtney Haley: and her mom have yet to return from an Around the World Pub Crawl. Brandy Russell/Erika Kraus: Opened a new vaudville act in which they perform 20 acrobatic tricks in sync. Their next per-formance will be at the Hotel Cicero.Emily Howe: Really peeved and able to support herself from a trust fund. She spends her days lobbying against Project Boki-non. Restraining orders? yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Erin Sillin: banded with Ma-donna and Angelina to set up the International Adoption Agency. Stephanie Van Hook: mother of two. Married for money and “OK” sex. She reports life in Malibu is ‘splendid.’Tara Meyer: Finally r*-ed eve-ryone in this room, and she didn’t even care.Robyn Carter: got a mysterious rash. Slimy, green and smells like tuna.Charles Reeves: Still owes Paul money. The loan financed the finding of his fiancee in Jonquet thus Paul is writing it off as a wedding gift. Paul Kuhn: Is still going through airport security because he chose to wear the turban home. Curtis Robert: Formerly, Rob-erts. Legally changed his name after realizing the process of changing his name would be eas-ier than correcting it with the business card printers.Jacy Gaige: arrested after at-tempting to smuggle a baby hippo on her Air France flight home. Caught only after trying to put it in the overhead bins.Natalie Newman: currently putting the finishing touches on her opus ‘Dantokpa’, a huge mu-ral inspired by Picasso’s ‘Guer-nica.’Brook Adam: Is still on the lam, having fled Benin with an out-standing debt of more than 1.000.000.000 CFA owed to VIP Pressing of Savalou for dry-cleaning. Still looks sharp though.


PAGE 8

“Il faut manger tout” - Susan Lettis on oral sex

“I’! make out with anyone who walks me home” - Rose Hedge

“Those big beers don’t look so big any more” - Natalie Newman

“What life are we living?!” - Stacey

“I shit in a pan, and the next day I made a pineapple upside down cake in it!” - Shayne

“You make people cry” - Sarah P. to Tara

“I’m not stupid, I just don’t know things” - Ly

“You’re gonna get up like that? (That’s what she said)” - Lyle (and Sara M)

“Can you give us a gender breakdown for the new PSL?” -Michelle Edwards (shortly be-fore she ETed, coincidence?)

“Can ‘ha ’ be plural? If you have one ‘ha ’ can you have many, like with an ‘s’?” “Why don’t you just play ‘has’?” - Suzy Lee and Katie playing Scrabble

“The height of my english goodness is not right now” - Sara M to Ben’Dali

“When I see white people I want to have sex with them” - Erin C.

“It sme!s like my dead grandma in here, before she died” - Delude re: Songhai

“I could waste away the hours con-suming a! the flowers...” - Delude singing if “I only had a brain”

“Whoa! Those goats are hung!” “... those are udders” -Amanda D. and Katie M.

Kristen: “They rea!y can’t te! if we’re men or women: everyone at work ca!s me ‘il ’” Lyle: “At least they know you’re a person, they ca! me ‘line’” Katie: “That’s because you have no point.” Lyle: “Yeah... we! if I had one and continued on in one direction forever, would they ca! me ‘Ray’?”


PAGE 9

Quotes


PAGE 10

Brerika Carrie Burns Erin Crillin

Stephanie VanLude Hedge Ly-le McKozlofinski

Margarret Tara Miner ET

PSL-18: Mefloquine Edition


PAGE 11

B I N G O

Giardia Zemi Burn

Leprosy Ringworm

Shisto

Worms Food Poisoning

Bird Flu Malaria Monkey Bite

Boils Cholera FREE SPACE

Scorpion Sting

UTI

Sleeping Sickness

TB Sunburn Amoebas Sinus Infection

Heat Rash

Meningitis Creeping Eruption

Bed Bugs Salami Ass (ask Nick)

The Official Peace Corps Medical BINGO®

Most Likely to get Bitten by a Mon-key: Amanda DorionMost Likely to End up Near Libya on a Medical Related Issues: Lisa Z.Most Likely to not be Mentioned in this Issue: Good old what’s-her-nameMost Likely to Confused for Erica: BrandyMost Likely to Confused for Brandy: EricaMost Likely to Fry and Eat Things Growing Near her Latrine: Katie McCollomMost Varied Attire: Sara Miner (Green Tank, UNC Shirt, Black Skirt)Most Likely to have her name mis-pronounced: Ly NgyuenMost Likely to bust out in song: Stephanie DeLudeMost Likely to sling shot baby jelly-fish at children: Harvey CrowMost Likely to confuse people when

talking: Emily HoweMost Likely to Confuse Himself when Talking: Charles ReevesMost Talented: Garret Hyzer (not referring to giardia interpretive dance: ask Sillin)Most Likely to Get Stuck in Revolving Door: Na-talie NewmanMost Likely to Get Robbed in Lagos: Meredith M.PSL-19ers most likely to be offended they weren’t mentioned in this deadbeat: Three’s-A-Crowd Mike, Petit Jennito, Tall James, and Pretty Spitz.Most Likely to Use this Issue as Toilet Paper: Kathy Haines

Supe

rlativ

es

The DeadbeatA PSL-18 Production

Any correlation to the reality of events is entirely coincidence. The editors of this, Peace Corps’ oldest (and dumbest) publication, accept no responsibility for mickey, taken out, lost, stolen or otherwise. Consumption of this publication may result in dry mouth, loose bowels, being squished into a taxi with goats strapped to the roof that will continually howl, setting off the once sleeping infant who will then startle said goats causing them to machine gun pellet poop all over you and your stuff which in turn will spark a 45 minute discussion in local language where the only word you’ll understand is ‘yovo’, run on sentences, or death. At no point, however, will you want to sing that accursed “Numa-Numa” song. Thank God.

DO YOU SPEAK A LOCAL LANGUAGE?Are you tired of those “other” volunteers that don’t? Do you love the look on the face of that zemi driver

when you tell him exactly where to stick his price?Do want to take that 2nd goal just a little bit further?

Join the elite, the few,the

L.O.S.E.R.S.LOcal Speak Erases Racial Stereotypes

Obligatory PSL-19 Photo


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punani protector

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