De Anza Short Courses Fall 2009

Personal statement class

Instructor – Lydia (Hearn) MaddenEmail: hearnlydia@deanza.edu

What this class will do

• Explain the personal statement’s role in the application process

• Assist in brainstorming the content for your essay including experience, knowledge, and personal qualities

• Provide tips on organizing your essay

What this class will do (cont’d.)

• Present elements to include and elements to avoid

• Engage in peer review and input

• Demonstrate ways to make your writing concise to stay within the maximum word count

What this class won’t do

Write your personal statement for you

Help you with the other parts of the application process

Proofread your essay for you

Admissions Statistics

What is the average amount of time a UC admissions reader gives to each application?

a) 2 hoursb) 1 hourc) 30 minutesd) 15 minutes

Admissions Statistics

Fall 2009 freshman admission applicants (from http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/01/uc-applications.html )

* UCLA 55,610 * UC Berkeley 48,616* UC San Diego 47,032* UC Santa Barbara 44,673* UC Irvine 44,072* UC Davis 42,344* UC Santa Cruz 27,231* UC Riverside 22,682* UC Merced 9,034

Admissions Statistics

UCLA transfer applicants for Fall 2009(from http://newsroom.ucla.edu/portal/ucla/more-than-55-000-applicants-under-78627.aspx )

16,521

UCLA Fall 2009Admissions Statistics

Freshman applicants 55,610Transfer applicants 16,496TOTAL APPLICANTS 72,106

72,131 x 2 readers per app = 144,212

Number of admissions readers 150

144,262 / 150 = approx. 961 apps per reader

961 apps x 15 minutes = approx. 240 hours

UC Berkeley Fall 2009Admissions Statistics

Freshman applicants 48,616Transfer applicants 13,266TOTAL APPLICANTS 61,882

61,882 x 2 readers per app = 123,764

Number of admissions readers 100

123,764/ 100 = approx. 1,238 per reader

1,238 apps x 15 minutes = 309.5 hrs.

UC Personal Statement Topics

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants) Describe the world you come from — for example,

your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Prompt #1 (transfer applicants) What is your intended major? Discuss how your

interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field — such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities — and what you have gained from your involvement.

UC Personal Statement Topics

Prompt #2 (all applicants) Tell us about a personal quality, talent,

accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Purpose of the Personal Statement

* This is your only opportunity to speak about yourself. Consider your statement of purpose like an interview on paper.

* Discuss aspects of yourself that do not appear in a technical application, test scores, and in transcripts.

* You must write as an adult who has direction and purpose.

Planning for the Personal Statement

* These are short essays so you must be highly selective

* Consider carefully what few points you wish to impress upon the reader.

* Decide which aspects of yourself you wish to present and then stick to those few points.

* “Show” your qualifications; don’t “tell” them.

Content of the Personal Statement

* Motivations for attending the school or following the major

* Accomplishments* What you intend to do in school or in a professional

career* Extracurricular activities—describe those experiences

that will help serve as a foundation for your future such as jobs or community activities, including names, organizations and other concrete details.

* Personal qualities—be sure to give your statement a sense of your particular talents and individuality

* Interests—include current interests and activities (intellectual, social, cultural) and show how they are relevant to your future at the school.

* Aspirations

Writing the Personal Statement

* At this point you are the application. Correctness and style are vital. Neatness counts. Keep uniform margins. Check and check again your spelling, the agreement of subjects and verbs, and syntax.

* Your verbs should be strong and active.* You should use descriptive language so that the

reader can remember your statement; however, don’t overdo it by using “thesaurus” language.

Exercise #1 for content

List 1: Characteristics that the major/career requires

Exercise #1 for content

List 2: Qualities, Experiences, and Knowledge that you have

Exercise #1 for content

List 3: What do lists #1 and #2 have in common? This is what makes you a good candidate who can compete with the other applicants in your major.

Exercise #1 for content

List 4: What characteristics do you have that the major/career does not usually have that it should have? This is what makes you an outstanding candidate.

Organizing Your Personal Statement

• Your opening paragraph needs to be fantastic.

• Each paragraph should include one main example, which highlights 1-3 characteristics about yourself.

• Transitions: Conceptual vs. Mechanical• You might not be able to decide the

length of both essays until you have written all the examples you will use.

Exercise #2 – Opening paragraphs

A. The man’s teeth were chattering. As I approached him, his body began to shake and convulse. When I got closer, I could smell his stench. The man was a patient in the dentist’s office where I was an assistant. This was the first time he had visited our office, but his previous experiences with dentists had been so terrible that he was terrified. His body was going into shock. I realized then that dentistry is not just about fixing someone’s teeth. It is about someone’s whole mouth, which is the gateway to the soul. Through their mouths, people eat to sustain themselves. Through their mouths, people communicate with others. Through their mouths, people get pleasure.

Exercise #2 – Opening paragraphs

B. My intended major is dentistry. I have always wanted to be a dentist because my father was a dentist and would go to work with him on the weekends. In order to be a good dentist, I need to excel in math and science. In junior high and high school, I had a grade point average of 3.8 and got A’s in all of my math and science classes. At De Anza College, my classes has prepared me to do well in the area of dentistry.

Practical Steps to Writing Your Personal Statement

Step 1 Brainstorm your qualities, experience, and knowledge.

Step 2 Decide on what elements you want to focus on.

Step 3 Brainstorm examples that “show” your qualities, experience, and knowledge.

Step 4 Select the most meaningful examples that illustrate a few qualities each.

Step 5 Write your examples. Don’t worry about organization or grammar yet.

Step 6 Select your best example to serve as your opening paragraph.

Practical Steps to Writing Your Personal Statement

Step 7 Determine which of the two essays your examples relate to.

Step 8 Separate your writing into two separate essays. Don’t worry about word count yet.

Step 9 Start refining your essays, following the organizational guidelines provided.

Step 10 Proofread your essay for all grammar errors.

Step 11 Edit your essay for concise writing, especially if you have exceeded the maximum word count.

Step 12 Proofread your essay again.

Checklist

√ 1 Brainstorm qualities/experience/knowledge.√ 2 Decide on what elements you want to focus on.By 10/21 3 Brainstorm examples that “show” your By 10/21 4 Select the most meaningful examples By 10/21 5 Write your examples. By 10/21 6 Select your best example for your opening paragraph.On 10/24 7 Decide which of the two essays your examples relate

to.On 10/24 8 Separate your writing into two separate essays. By 10/28 9 Refine your essays for organization.By 10/28 10 Proofread your essay for all grammar errors.On 10/31 11 Edit your essay for concise writing.On 10/31 12 Proofread your essay again.

ASK FOR HELP!

Get help throughout the entire process.

Ask your family, friends, and teachers who know you what your strong qualities are.

Ask anyone who is willing to proofread your essay to proofread it.

Phrases to avoid

little white lies This program is my first choice…

flattery This program is the finest in the country…

the philosophical Life in the universe is ever-changing…

the one-dimensional My greatest desire is… My only goal in life is…

the juvenile I have always wanted to be a doctor

the painfully obvious My education has prepared me for…

Phrases to avoid

narratives of discovery At that point I knew I wanted to…

hard luck stories I am the first in my family to receive a college degree

autobiographies …and when I was twelve, my family moved.

duplication of information I have a gpa 3.85.

apologies I regret not having worked hard

clichés I have a passion for…

Draft due by Wed. Oct. 21 - 6:00 p.m.

Submit a draft of your personal statement via email. If you can separate it into two essays as indicated on the UC prompt, then do so. Otherwise, don’t worry about separating it at this point.

If you submit your draft on time, your statement will be shared anonymously with other members in the class. At the end of the October 24 class, you will receive 20-25 copies of your draft back with ratings and/or comments.

Please indicate in your email if you do NOT want your personal statement to be shared.