Interpersonal Communication

and Fiddler on The Roof

By: Dustyn Bailey

Story

Set in Russia, Fiddler on the Roof is a story about a poor Jewish man and his family as they experience the end of their traditional, rural lifestyle due to the changes and revolutions at the turn of the century. It is a musical that goes over many subjects like marriage, poverty, religion, education, and the values that the characters hold dear. The movie, and the play it is based off, starts off as a romantic comedy, then transitions into its second act as a tragedy.

Characters Needless to say, a story so rich with family, religions, and change

there are many characters, I will provide the main characters and some minor that will be used for the concept later on.

Lazar Wolf - the butcher

Mottel Kamzoil - the tailor

Yente - the matchmaker

Perchik - the revolutionary

Fyedka - a Christian

The Constable

(Namless Christian Russians)

Tevye -The main character. Husband and Father, he is the man of his house, but he is poor and has no dowry for his five daughters.

Golde – Tevye's Husband.

Tzeitel - the oldest daughter (Marries Mottel)

Hodel - the second daughter

(Marries Perchik)

Chava - the third daughter (Marries Fyedka)

Concepts

1 – Characteristics of Intimate Relationships

2 – Intercultural Communication

3 – Types of Nonverbal Communication

4 – Listening Styles

5 – Direct & Indirect Verbal Styles

6 – Supportive Messages

7 – Interpersonal Needs Theory

8 – Protecting Privacy

9 – Types of Interpersonal Conflicts

10 – The aggressive Approach

Characteristics of Intimate Relationships

Intimate relationships are when partners share regular intimate interactions, feel affection for each other, trust each other, and are cohesive.

Intimate relationships consist of families, friendships, and marriage/long term romantic relationships.

Families are networks of people who share their lives over long periods of time bound by ties of marriage, blood, or commitment.

Friendships are voluntary, platonic relationships characterized by equality and reciprocity.

Fiddler on the roof's premise is based off intimate relationships. The two that garner the most attention is family and marriage. Tevye is the father of five girls and a husband to their mother Goulde. The family structures in his little village are important to keep in mind, (the opening song is about what the roles are for fathers, mothers, daughters, and sons). He is the man of the house and therefore the bread winner while the women stay at home and do chores.

This is also a culture where the men arrange the marriages of their daughters. When Lazar Wolf the butcher wants to marry Tzeitel, he invites Tevye in order to persuade him.

Intercultural Communications

Interactions that occur between people whose cultures are so different that the communication between them is altered.

Intercultural communications look at the values, dominant, co-cultures.

Values are the commonly accepted preference for some states of affairs over others.

Dominant Culture is the learned system of those values, beliefs, attitudes and orientation by the majority.

Co-cultures exist side by side with the dominant culture, but contain a smaller group of people who hold common values that differ with the dominant culture.

Culture determines the communication in subjects like gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion social class, and age.

Fiddler on the Roof is a story about a co-culture, the Jews, as their traditions and way of live comes to an end when the Christians (dominant culture) terrorism them on and off, and eventually evict them for their land exile them from the country.

This hostile divide is displayed very well in one scene when Chava is bullied by a group of Christians They joked, messed with her cow, and played with her clothes making her very uncomfortable. Her future husband Fyedka came to her rescue, and tries to befriend her. He offers her a book as a gift, but she immediately shoots him down because he aligns with the dominant culture and because of her experiences with the Christians she doesn't trust them.

Types of Nonverbal Messages

Body Language, the intentional or unintentional movements. - The use of eye contact, facial expressions, emoticons, gestures, emblems, posture, and touch.

Para-language, using the voice to convey meaning – parts of which pitch, volume, rate, quality, intonation, and vocal interferences.

Spatial Usage – The boundaries of personal space, acoustics, territory, and artifacts.

Self-Presentation Cues – Which include physical appearance, use of time, use of smell and scents.

In the movie Tevye is played by a very eccentric actor and what strikes me was the power of his body language. The movie could be a silent film and the that powerful physical acting would speak to us. A good moment to examine this is when young Chava comes to tell her father that she was married to Fyedka. In Tevye's eyes she has destroyed all of the values he holds dear. Being a very devote Jew, it is sacrilege to marry outside the faith. The moment she is dead to him he ignores her. He puts up a wall and stops listening to her words. He refuses to make eye contact, and orients his body away from her. All of this to send the message that she is longer accepted in his family.

Listening Styles

Listening styles are the favored, but usually unconscious approach to listening.

Content Orientation – The focus on the facts and evidence in a message.

People Orientation – The focus on what a message tells us about our partners and their feelings.

Action Orientation – The preference of focusing on the point of the conversation, having little patience for rambling.

Time Orientation – The preference of brief and swift messages, having no patience for long messages.

The majority of the characters in this movie tend to have the action oriented listening style. For example, whenever the bookshop owner came into the scene and had news that he read in his newspaper. All of the older men in the scene cut him off when he started to babble and constantly asked him to “talk”, expressing their wish for him to explain the news to them.

Direct & Indirect Verbal Styles

Direct Verbal Style – message language that openly states the speaker's intention and message content that is straightforward and unambiguous

Indirect Verbal Style – message language that masks the speaker's true intentions and roundabout, vague message content whose real meaning is embedded in the social or cultural context.

In the movie the Constable uses a very indirect verbal style to warn his friend Tevye about an upcoming event. The

Constable was ordered to harass the Jews in order to scare them off their land. Before he carried off that order he went to his friend and heavily implied that he should be careful and

keep off the streets for a while so he won't harmed. Of course, the constable doesn't come out and say that, he

simply states that he will have to “make a demonstration in town” and “I'm telling you this because I like you Tevye”. This dialogue doesn't fully infer the events that took place horrible

night when the Christian's attack and ruin Tzeitel.

Supportive Messages Supportive messages are the communications that provide intangible support

for your partner, including emotional support, info, advice, and motivation.

Celebratory Support – Honoring achievements or transitions, wishing good luck, and expressing relief

Comforting Support – Acknowledging everyday hurts and disappointments.

Grief management Support – Supporting through bereavement and major losses.

Esteem Support – Helping process failures, rejections, and transgressions.

Info Support – Aiding in problem solving and decision making.

Motivational Support – Encouraging change in a problematic behavior.

There is one long, awesome scene that is mostly in lyrics, but I consider it counts for supportive messages. The song is called “lihiam to life”, and it the song that the entire male cast sings when Tevye agrees to Tzeitel's marriage to Lazar Wolf. All the Jewish men exclaim “lihiam” in celebration. At the mid point of the song the Christian's joining and congratulate Tevye on the union. Like all good musicals the jolly bar song is full of men giving those celebratory support messages.

Interpersonal Needs Theory

The Interpersonal Needs Theory is the premise that all of us have inclusion, affection, and control need that need to be met in our relationships.

Inclusion Need – the desire to be in the company of other people.

Affection Need – the desire to be loved and to love others.

Control Need – The desire to influence the events and people around us and to influence others.

The best couple to represent the interpersonal needs theory is Tzeitel and her husband Mottel. These two exemplify the affection need and control need in particular. Both of the young adults have strong need for love, and that young love was almost dashed when Tzeitel was arranged to marry Lazar Wolf. She expressed that great need for love that Mottel could supply.

As for Control need, Tzeitel had to support and build Mottel up because she wanted him to be a man with a need for control, instead of having everyone influence him. Mottel stood his ground and expressed that desire to influence Tevye, and in turn it allowed the two young lovers to be married.

Protecting Privacy Protecting privacy can be a real dicey game, but there several

ways to manage privacy.

Change the Subject – Lead the conversation elsewhere

Mask Feelings – Conceal verbal and nonverbal cues to limit your communication

White Lies – Respond with a false statement to ensure the relationship goes unharmed.

Describe Feelings – Excuse yourself by explaining your feelings about discussing info.

Personal Boundaries – Mark what you are not comfortable about sharing.

There is a scene in Fiddler on The Roof when Tevye has to tell Goulde about the marriage between Mottel and Tzeitel. Instead of coming right out and saying what happened, which would have damaged both his relationship with his wife, Mottel and Tzeitel's relationship, and the town's relationship with the parents. So instead unleashing that chaos he tells a white lie about her grandmother coming from the grave to persuade her that the kid should be married. The lie worked, ensuring the kids privacy.

Types of Interpersonal Conflicts

Pseudoconflict – A disagreement that is caused by a perceptual difference between partners.

Fact Conflict – A disagreement based off a dispute over the truth or accuracy of info.

Value Conflict – A disagreement caused by differences in deep seeded moral beliefs.

Policy Conflict – Disagreement based off a difference over a preferred plan of action.

Ego Conflict – A disagreement that results when both parties insist on being the winner of the argument.

Metaconflict – is disagreement over the process of communication itself during the argument.

There are many disagreements in any story due to conflict. One that occurred at the midpoint in the movie is policy conflict that Lazar and Tevye have about change in Tzeitel's marriage. Tevye agreed, they had many signifying moments where it was agreed that Tzeitel would marry Lazar Wolf. In the end Tevye disagrees because he is the father and he is the one to give his daughter away, so what he says is right – Lazar naturally disagrees because of they drank on it.

The Aggressive Approach

The approach uses verbal aggression by sending messages to attack another person's self-esteem. This also includes:

Flaming – Sending aggressive messages through social media

Argumentativeness – Defending ideas or attacking the reasoning of others.

Passive Aggressive Behavior – Messages that indirectly express hostility.

There is a fair amount of verbal aggression depending on

which scene and which characters interact. For example

whenever Mottel talked to Tevye before his marriage,

Tevye would become sort tempered with Mottel's

rambling and his nervousness and express hurtful

aggressive messages to stop his ramblings. These short,

but expressive exchanges end up hurting Mottel's self

esteem, and spoils his opportunity to ask for Tzeitel's

hand first.

Take Away Does the movie relate to your communication style?

To me? No not really. This movie is based on a co-culture over a hundred years old on the other side of the globe, in a religion I don't practice. Other than the generalities of managing conflicts, the use of indirect verbal style to warn my friends I don't have many similarities. I am geared to be a person oriented listener and the culture is comprised by people that appreciate action oriented styles.

How do you think you would do in a relationship depicted in the movie?

How would I be as a poor Jewish father/husband? Poorly – I feel that being the father of five daughters and having everything go wrong would be too much stress for me. I don't have the same assertive, life loving quality that Tevye carries into every scene. I am too humble, and too liberal to live in that age and accept my place in my family and in my village.

Evaluation – Continued

Do you think that the movie offers a realistic portrayal of interpersonal communications?

No, I firmly believe this movie does not represent real life. For one, it is a musical and a comedy. It is isn't realistic to break out into song and dance every twenty some odd minutes. There are many depictions of those important concepts within the world of the movie, but it is too dramatic to be an accurate portrayal. Especially when Tevye freezes the movie and talks to himself while everything else is frozen still. I love this movie, and I feel there was a lot to analyze, but to say that it is a realistic portrayal is exaggerating.

The End