Dating and Marriage

Teen Living

Starting Out

Improve your interpersonal skillsMaking conversationUnderstand yourself

• Discover characteristics you want • Know your values

Family RulesCurfewWhere and with whom you can go

Going out as a Group

Movies Football game Sports activities Other group date activities?

Going out as a couple

Practice relating one-on-one Does not need to mean you cannot date

others, too Exclusive dating

Get to know one person well Security

• Don’t let concern about not having boy/girlfriend keep you with someone just because they are familiar

• If you find things you don’t like about that person, don’t look to change them, look for someone that suits you better

Family Rules

Only group dating No exclusive (steady) dating

Can lose sight of long-term goals Cultural or religious beliefs influence Where you can go

Concerns about • Drugs• Alcohol• Unsafe driving• Peer pressure

Responsible Relationships

Personal ResponsibilityStay true to your personal values

• You, your family, culture, religion, long-term and short-term goals determine what those are

Respect the personal values of the one you are dating

• Communication• Who pays, where you go, how to get there and back

• Deference to their rules• Their curfew is your responsibility, too

Risks of Sexual Activity

Unintended pregnancy STD’s Do not let you feelings control your actions Think ahead, remember long-term goals

collegeGood jobTravelEnjoying life as a young adult, unencumbered

Abstinence

Refuse to engage in high-risk behavior Reinforce your decision

• Join abstinence campaign Some teens more willing to act on most intimate level,

but won’t talk about it because it is too embarrassing! Willingness to communicate is high level of maturity Group and public dating can help

REMAIN IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AND BECOME THE TYPE OF PERSON YOU WANT TO BE

Resisting Sexual Pressure

Keep a firm sense of who you areState your position

• Do not apologize or try to justifyAvoid mixed messages

• Body language must match wordsKeep your values and long-term goals in mindRespect yourself. If someone won’t accept no,

leave. Call for a ride if you need to. This person does not and will not respect you or your personal boundaries!

Handling Emotions

Crushes and InfatuationUsually idealistic and unrealistic

JealousyIntense, prolonged jealousy is

destructive to a relationshipSign of insecurity

Breaking up

Most teen relationships end Can be painful

• Make a clean break• Explain why • Be firm but fair• Be sensitive to the other person’s feelings~ you may have been

thinking about this for a while, but it could be a surprise to the other person involved

Don’t try to hang on to someone that wants to break up with you• Clinging to a partner that doesn’t want to remain in the relationship is

unhealthy Avoid saying hateful or negative things about the other person no

matter which of you ended the relationship Give yourself time to recover Reflect on why that relationship ended and what qualities you will

look for the next time

Love and Commitment

How do you know it is love?Based on caring and trustGiving as well as receivingMutual interestsDesire to work together toward

common goals Takes time to get to know another

person

Engagement

Lots of decisions to be made Where to live? What will your daily life together be like? Household tasks and finances? Continue education? Careers? Children?

• How to raise them

Religion Family holidays

Marriage

Many people spend more time planning the wedding than they do thinking about the marriage and the compromises they will need to make.

Marriage Laws Every state has its own laws governing marriage

Property rights Protection for the children Legalize couple’s agreement

• Mutual consent: both parties must agree• Monogamy: one spouse at a time • Age: 18 (younger with parental consent) See list from desktop• Physical requirements: blood test (no communicable diseases)• Waiting period: 1 to 5 days (may be before or after issued)• License: all states require • Officials: clergy, civil authorities (judges, justice of peace, notary)• Prohibitions: close blood relatives, brother or sister, aunt and nephew,

uncle and niece, 1st or 2nd cousins depending on the state• Annulment: if legal requirements were not met it as if marriage never

happened

Strong Marriage

CommunicationDiscuss issuesMake decisions togetherShare responsibilitiesResolve conflictsCommitted to make marriage work

Why Marriages Fail

People who don’t take the commitment seriously

Unrealistic expectations People change or no longer have

same value system Money Get married before they are ready for

the responsibilities

Teen Marriage

Marriage challenge for adults Pressure increased with teen

pregnancy Delaying marriage

EducationCareerTime to know yourself

Remaining Single

Independence Freedom Focus on:

CareerTravelCommunity service

Marriage is a choice, not an obligation

What are you looking for?

List from most to least important characteristics you are looking for in a girl/boy friend. Minimum of 10

List from greatest to least characteristics you have to offer. Minimum of 10

What would be the most challenging thing about you with which some one would need to deal.

Qualities

Communication skills Shared values Mutual respect Common interests Agreement on issues regarding children Conflict resolution skills More…