expressly banned. “We’re not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here!” barked one recruiter at a bro-looking third-year, who timidly backed away after asking if MIB gave weekends off. The recruiter shook his head, shredded the resume, and greeted the next MIB hopeful.

The Career Bonanza has also turned out to be at least quasi-dangerous for the representatives. An assassination attempt was already made against surly Agent Kay -- he was brutally assaulted by the Editor in Chief of The Lode, a resident alien with a limited visa from MIB. The EIC screamed and thrashed with all nine flippers and both tails, howling at Kay for putting a geographic restraint on her. “WHY DO I HAVE TO STAY HERE? WHY, KAY? It’s not a very clever cover-up you gave me, being the editor in chief of a dumb newspaper at AN ENGINEERING SCHOOL!” The Lode boss was hauled away by MIB agents for questioning and potential intergalactic deportation.

So, what should students do to improve their odds of scoring a job with the most important organization on this planet? Correctly identifying any one of the other

SDC, HOUGHTON -- Companies galore are gathered in the Multipurpose Room once again for the annual Career Bonanza at Michigan Tech, and this year’s is slated to be one of the biggest yet! With 280 registered companies, there is bound to be something for everyone. One company in particular has been drawing droves of applicants: the Men in Black.

The agency works to police and monitor alien activity on the planet earth, and let’s face it: Tech students are the kind of odd-balls who would fit the job description pretty well. Noted Les Cook, “In order to work at MIB, agents have to surrender their identities, their fingerprints, and cut ties with everyone they know. Tech stu-dents, coming to school so far up here in the tundra, are halfway there already.”

Most students are familiar with the dress code at MIB, and are doing their best to look the part when meeting with the recruiters. Black suits, black pants, black shoes, and black ties abound on cam-pus, but the representatives insist they can sniff out bullshit a mile away. Fear gets you an automatic rejection. Criminal record is a no-go. Being an avid partier is

A few days after reporter Rittle Azn told stories of “alien contact confirmed at MTU,” it has been identified that it is not an alien object at all. What could it be then? What could the strange figure represent; what is the story behind this wood and medal monument? Although we have no proof as to how this object landed here on our campus, we have determined its use or, more aptly, its uselessness.

They call him Aeolian and he sings with the wind. Yes, a wind harp. The only thing is that stops him from humming is the fact that his landing missed the wind tunnel by nearly a hundred feet and it makes no sound as we have all clearly heard after this past shitty, windy week.

While taking poll from students across MTU we have gathered ways to make our new main man sing: “Stop being a bitch and drink it!”

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

by Liz Fujita ~ Extraterrestrial Correspondent

Alien Contact Identified

Men in Black Recruiting at Fall Career Bonanza

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The MTU pep band was the first intrigued by this musical instrument. They at-tempted to put it on wheels and brought it marching with them and still he made no noise. Disappointment has been fueling the campus, inspiring more and more innovation and curiosity. What could we as a student body do to make this thing work? After all, we are engineers.

One student observed the figure for a while and pondered its silence, before exclaiming, “Why don’t we take all the freshman girls on campus and get them to blow him at the same time – maybe then he will sing a happy tune?” This was just crazy enough to work. When Aeolian came, he sang out joyously and the students of Tech heard the harmonic sounds whistle in the wind through campus.

Comp. Editor’s Note: The pep band does not “march” and the use of such foul language is frowned upon.

27 registered aliens at Michigan Tech is a good start. Physical fitness is a highly-preferred quality; the ideal applicant will also have a firm understanding of how to deal with stress, change, and the constant threat of Earth’s destruction. “The added advantage is that we’ve noticed these people never sleep,” mused Agent Jay, “I mean, they’re up all night doing homework or playing Minecraft or whatnot, so they probably wouldn’t have trouble adjusting to our 36-hour days.”

Hopeful MIB agents should also know that after their meeting with the recruiters, they are required to take an eye exam “for MIB records.” Good luck to all you guys at the Career Bonanza!

Writers of Awesome: Liz ‘Riz’ Fujita, Olivia Zajac, Nathan ‘Invincible’ Miller, Jeanine Chmielewski, Kara Bakowski, Benjamin Loucks, Jeremy ‘Mr. Sunshine’ Loucks, Sam Schall, Ian Smith, Veronica Tabor, Ryan Grainger, John Pastore, Rico Bastian and Imgur.©2012 by the Daily Bull, a non-profit organization. All rights reserved. Articles may be freely distributed electronically or on late night talk shows provided credit is given, and that this notice is included. The Daily Bull reserves the right to refuse any advertisements or guest articles without reason. All opinionated letters sent to the editor (on paper or to bull@mtu.edu) will be treated as material to be published unless expressly stated otherwise by the sender. Original works printed in the Daily Bull remain the property of the creator, however the Daily Bull reserves the right to reprint any submissions in future issues unless specifically asked not to do so by the creator. If you keep reading this small text, you’ll trick Fars with one of our articles!The Daily Bull would like to thank the Daily Bull for buying our own damn printer that this publication is printed on. We would also like to thank the Student Activity Fee for helping to pay for our paper and toner costs. And our vuvuzelas.

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Here You Go, Sudoku Lovers, Share and Enjoy!

We’ve received several compliments on the giant sudoku puzzles, so we’ll run them as long as the internet keeps cranking out new ones! I, for one, don’t understand why any of you consider these fun.

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