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The Joys and Trials of Grandparenting

TABLE OF CONTENTSClick on the study title or article you’d like to see:

Study 1: THE INFLUENCE OF A GRANDPARENTArticle 1: Grandmother’s Treasures

Study 2: LONG-DISTANCE GRANDPARENTINGArticle 2: Grandparenting Across the Miles

Study 3: PARENTING AGAINArticle 3: U-Turn

LEADER’S GUIDE

The Influence of a Grandparent

Only in eternity will we know how powerful our influence was.

What is the mysterious connection between grandparent and grandchild? What causes the unconditional love that is apparent in almost every grandparent/grandchild relationship? How are values passed on from generation to generation? How do you measure that kind of generational influence? This study will explore those questions.

Lesson #1

Scripture:Psalm 78:1–8; Romans 5:6–8; Ephesians 3:14–21; Hebrews 11

Based on:“Grandmother’s Treasures,” by Gail Gallagher, CHRISTIAN PARENTING TODAY, Summer 2003

LEADER’S GUIDEThe Influence of a Grandparent

PART 1Identify the Current Issue

Note to the leader: Prior to the class, provide for each person the article “Grandmother’s Treasures” from CHRISTIAN PARENTING TODAY magazine (included at the end of this study).

The grandparent/grandchild relationship can last for decades. This can allow for great times of bonding and produce deep emotional ties for both. As grandparents tie the past to the present, and as family history is lovingly passed down, it establishes deep sentimental roots for the grandchild and fulfills great purpose in the heart of the grandparent.

We can never underestimate the influence of a grandparent on the life of a grandchild, nor can we ignore the effect a grandchild has on the heart of a grandparent. We know that there is a bond between the two that no one can understand, much less explain. It is a magical bond connecting two hearts forever.

One day a woman was visiting her grandmother, who asked her to go to the closet and bring out a package. As her grandmother carefully opened the package, the woman’s heart raced within her. She knew, by the tattered cover, that it was the daily journal of her great-grandfather. For weeks she went through the journal. By the time she reached the last page, she had grown to love a man she had never met. His daily activities and writings had shown her that he was a man of God, and a special mysterious bond developed as she read his words of faith.

According to Arthur Kornhaber and K. L. Woodward, “An infant who is seen and held by its grandparents imprints itself like a brand on the hearts and minds of those grandparents no less indelibly than on its parents. Such moments are not only precious, their emotional impact ‘fixes’ them in the mind as lasting memories.” (Grandparents/Grandchildren—The Vital Connection, Doubleday, 1982)

Almost everyone has heard the saying, “Grandmothers hold our hands for only a little while, but our hearts forever.” It is a forever thing between some grandparents and grandchildren, and we hope to discover ways in which you can continue to generate that kind of love in the hearts of your grandchildren.

Discussion starters:

[Q] What happens when parents and grandparents continue to pass down the true stories of God’s awesome power and miracles?

[Q] What great Bible truths are good examples of God’s power to share with your grandchildren?

[Q] In what ways can grandparents continue to tie the past to the present?

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[Q] Some people say grandparents are dropping the ball when it comes to keeping their communication and visits current with their grandchildren. Do you think this is true? What would cause this to happen?

[Q] At what age do you think we should let our grandchild initiate communication with us?

PART 2Discover the Eternal PrinciplesTeaching point one: Love your grandchildren unconditionally as God loves you.

Read Romans 5:6–8. God loves us even when we are unlovable (which is probably most of the time, don’t you think?). In the midst of our sin, God loves us. While we were yet ugly sinners, he chose us.

In 2 Timothy 1:5, Paul spoke of the faith he saw in Timothy, noting that it first took root in the heart of his grandmother Lois. Where did it start before Lois? Could it have been that even she had a godly parent or grandparent who passed on a deep faith to her? Then Lois passed on deep truths to Eunice, and she in turn passed them on to her son Timothy.

[Q] Even when our grandchildren are being unlovable, uncooperative, or disobedient, how can we show them we love them? List practical ways to balance acceptance with holding them accountable for their behavior.

[Q] How can we help our grandchildren understand God’s unconditional love for them? Name any Bible stories you can think of that demonstrate this.

Optional Activity: On a whiteboard or poster board, list all the ways you can think of that God loves us unconditionally. When your list is complete, list after each one a way we can express that love to our grandchildren.

Teaching point two: Teach your grandchildren stories that demonstrate God’s faithfulness.

Read Psalm 78:1–8. God told his people not to repeat the sins of Israel’s past, but to remember God’s great power and miracles, passing them on from generation to generation. Stories of God’s mighty works heard over and over instill faith and trust in the heart of a child. Study of God’s Word will continue to refresh your mind and bring out insight and understanding as you also pray for the needs of your grandchildren.

[Q] Think of at least one instance of where God has vividly shown you his faithfulness. Practice telling that story to the group in a way that would be interesting to your grandchildren.

Silently look over Hebrews 11.




[Q] Which of these examples of faith is your favorite? Choose one to tell your grandchild about this week.

[Q] How can we easily introduce such topics to daily conversation with our grandkids? Brainstorm ideas as a group.

Teaching point three: Pray that your grandchildren will understand God’s unconditional love and faithfulness.

Read Ephesians 3:14–21. God’s unconditional love can work through us as we lovingly submit our will to his. Our human nature would have us do otherwise, but if our attitude is one of submission to the will of the Father, he is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

Our main goal in life is to bring glory to God by faithfully passing on great truths of his Word to our grandchildren. This truly will bring him glory throughout all generations.

[Q] Pray Ephesians 3:14–21 collectively for your grandchildren. Ask one person in the group to pray this aloud as the others follow along silently, agreeing with this prayer for their grandchildren. Pray this prayer regularly on your own for your grandchildren.

PART 3Apply your findings:

Think about the time we spend with our grandchildren and our conversations with them. Playing with them is great and may lead to natural ways to talk about God. Consider what you want to pass down to them and pray for natural opportunities to talk about those things. What can they hang on to during the difficult times in their lives when you might not be around?

Try the following:

Arrange one-on-one time with each grandchild for some in-depth discussions without interruption.

Write down some of the things you want to pass on to them. Reach below the surface and make it meaningful.

Start a daily journal that could be passed down from generation to generation.

Study by Gail Mitchell Gallagher. Gail writes for CHRISTIANITYTODAY.COM’s Grandparent’s Corner. Her new book, Raise

Them or Lose Them: A Grandparent’s Guide to Gaining Custody, is due to come out this year.




Additional Resources: Grandparent Power: How to Strengthen the Vital Connection Among

Grandparents, Parents and Children, Arthur Kornhaber & Sondra Forsyth (Crown Publications, 1995; ISBN 0517884550)

The Essential Grandparent: A Guide for Making a Difference, Lillian Carson, (Health Communications, 1996; ISBN 1558743979)

Support: Generations United - www.gu.org

4412 First St. NW, Suite 310Washington, D.C. 202-662-4282

The Grandparent Information Center (Established by AARP)601 E. St. NWWashington, D.C. 202-434-2296

GrandsPlace – www.grandsplace.com

Grandloving – www.grandloving.com



http://www.grandloving.com/

http://www.grandsplace.com/

http://www.gu.org/

ARTICLE

Grandmother’s TreasuresBy Gail Gallagher, for the study “The Influence of a Grandparent”

As a little girl, my favorite times were those moments spent sitting at the feet of my grandmother as she rocked in her favorite chair. I loved looking up at her as she looked down at me with that special smile and those twinkling eyes. Those were the times that forever bonds were born.

She loved to drift into her long ago world and I would join her as I closed my eyes and let her world become mine. It was almost as if I had lived her life with her as she reached back to her precious treasure box of memories.

She told of the sun beating down on her little blonde head as she stumbled barefoot between the rows of cotton. She dragged her lumpy burlap bag of cotton behind her and wished for a cold drink of water. She brushed her hair back from her face with her dusty sleeve as she squinted in the sunlight.

As she talked it was clear to me—even as a child—that she gathered more than cotton during those long hot summer days. She gathered a multitude of learning experiences in persistence and endurance that would carry her through many difficult times.

She talked of the long and difficult winters and how hard her father worked to keep the farm producing crops so the family of twelve could eat. Rain or shine, he was in the fields. Sick or in good health, he was in the fields. The ground had to be prepared in the winter months so seed could be planted, so mouths could be fed.

My grandma told of the cold harsh winter days when Grandpa chose to stay inside. He would sit in front of the fire and repair the family’s shoes or mend one of the old kitchen chairs.



ARTICLEGrandmother's Treasures

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Whenever her father caught up with work at home, or when he saw the need of a neighbor, he went to lend a helping hand by chopping wood or repairing the old schoolhouse.

Grandma loved the evenings after supper when her dad read the Bible to all the family and they would sing hymns well into the night. When everyone had gone to bed for the night, her dad got out his tattered leather journal and recorded the day’s activities.

Grandma shared the painful times as well. Like the time her older teenage brother died of a fever or when there was very little money and they went to bed hungry some nights. But she grew in the hard times, learning to lean on the Father and on his word.

Grandma’s treasures may not have meant much to anyone else, but to me, they were precious gems of love and hope that she entrusted to me. I often think about the treasures I’m passing on to my grandchildren. How will God use my life to bless theirs? Will they find hope and assurance in the ways God has carried me through the good times and the painful times in my life?

Perhaps this treasure chest of stories, of memories, of faith is one of the greatest gifts we will ever give our grandchildren.

Psalm 78:1ff. “O my people, hear my teaching;

Listen to the words of my mouth.I will open my mouth in parables,I will utter hidden things, things from of old—What we have heard and known,What our fathers have told us.We will not hide them from their Children;We will tell the next generationThe praiseworthy deeds of the Lord,His power, and the wonders he has done.”

—Gail Gallagher

“Grandmother’s Treasures,” by Gail Gallagher, CHRISTIAN PARENTING TODAY, Summer 2003



LEADER’S GUIDE

Long-Distance Grandparenting

How can that special bond between grandparent and grandchild survive great distances?

For so many generations, families lived near one another. Sometimes relatives could even walk a few blocks to visit. But now with so many jobs requiring families to move long distances, or grandparents moving for health reasons, separation becomes inevitable. In many cases, grandchildren have never lived near their grandparents.

What can grandparents do to create, cultivate, and preserve that special bond with their grandchildren? How can grandparents be a positive influence on their grandchildren as Lois was to Timothy? These are some questions we’ll be asking and discussing in this study.

Lesson #2

Scripture:Psalm 78:1–8; Isaiah 26:3–4; Ephesians 5:1–2; 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18; 2 Timothy 1:5

Based on:“Grandparenting Across the Miles,” by Gail Gallagher, CHRISTIAN PARENTING TODAY, Winter, 2002

LEADER’S GUIDELong-Distance Grandparenting

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Note to the leader: Prior to the class, provide for each person the article “Grandparenting Across the Miles” from CHRISTIAN PARENTING TODAY magazine (included at the end of this study).

Long-distance grandparenting is hard work, but those grandparents who choose to preserve that special bond by creatively and consistently communicating with their grandchildren will find it rewarding.

In “Long-Distance Grandmothering,” Margie Johnson says, “We want to be positive influences like Timothy’s grandmother, Lois, in 2 Timothy 1:5, reinforcing biblical truths in our beloved grandchildren. We want to offer time, security, acceptance, and affection. Our deepest desire is being involved in their lives and being remembered by them. Our worst fear is being a stranger to them!” (Christian Woman, September/October, 2004, page 37)


[Q] Did you live near your grandparents when you were growing up? If not, how often did you hear from them? How did they communicate with you?

[Q] Do you feel as though you missed out on a meaningful relationship with them? Why or why not?

PART 2Discover the Eternal PrinciplesTeaching point one: Impact the lives of your grandchildren by telling them of God’s awesome power.

We find ourselves feeling sorry for ourselves because we don’t have our grandchildren near us. It’s a grandparent’s number-one complaint. Well, it does hurt. It hurts a lot, but we must make a decision to move on and make a positive impact on their lives by effectively mentoring them, even if it is by long-distance. We shouldn’t feel resentment or jealousy toward grandparents who enjoy having their grandchildren living near them, either. As long as we concentrate on being creative with living long-distance, God will give us peace in our situation. Read Isaiah 26:3–4.

We must realize that we can have an important impact on our grandchildren who live far away, just as if we lived near them and saw them frequently. How many letters do grandparents send to their grandchildren who live in the same city? Not many. The fact that a grandchild receives a note handled and written by Grandma or Grandpa makes that child feel important.




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Read Psalm 78:1–8. We are not to hide the things God has done from our children or grandchildren. We are to tell them the true stories of his power and how he has acted on our behalf. Trust in God to build faith in their hearts, so that they will be loyal to him and keep his commands.

[Q] What Bible stories can you tell your grandchildren to build faith in their hearts?

[Q] What personal stories can you share with them about how your faith has grown?

[Q] Can you think of creative ways in which you can relate God’s miracles to your grandchildren?

[Q] Brainstorm some creative ways you can do each of these long-distance.

Teaching point two: Let the love of Jesus radiate through your communication.

Read Ephesians 5:1–2. However we live our lives, there are always people observing—especially little children. Most often, those little children are our grandchildren. There is the story about a young woman who always cut a ham in two and laid in down in the pan to bake it. Finally someone asked her why she did it that way, and she replied that her mom always did it that way. When she asked her mom about it, Mom said, “Grandma always did it that way.” When she asked Grandma, she said, “My oven was too small to do it any other way.” We have influence whether we want to or not.

You may not be able to be with your grandchildren frequently. However, when they talk to you often on the phone or receive regular mailings from you, they see your love in action. Radiating God’s love through creative efforts will go right to the heart of your grandchild. Just knowing that something, whatever it may be, came from Grandma or Grandpa will mean much to them. That bond will continually build between you. They will race to the phone or the mailbox. That weekly letter that includes a fragrant piece of chewing gum or a small memento gives the child a lasting thrill.

How can we narrow that distance gap? We get creative. Start brainstorming. It really doesn’t matter if you’re talented or not. It will be coming from you. Think like a kid. What would they get excited about? Bright colored packages or just plain brown ones, for instance, can include albums you have put together of you at home. It is especially exciting for them to receive pictures of you when you were with them last. Putting funny little notes on the pictures is a good finishing touch for a child. Children’s Bible videos, CD’s, and activity books can be included. You can personally record poems or read stories to them that they can play before they go to bed. (With the parent’s approval, of course!) Someone has also suggested sending an instant camera with return postage. One lady, whose grandson loves collecting bugs, searches for bugs, puts them in a plastic bag and sends them via the post office. Great idea!

Whatever you do, be sure that you do it on a consistent and a continuous basis. Don’t let big gaps come in between your communications. Children grow up faster




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than we realize, and you don’t want to send them something that is inappropriate for their age. They will learn about faithfulness through your faithfulness to them.

We can’t possibly cover all the ways you can communicate effectively with your grandchildren, but you do the research, you know what your grandchildren like. You can create ways that are customized to fit your family.

[Q] How would the activities mentioned above communicate God’s love to your grandchildren?

[Q] How might you tie some of those activities into a message about God’s love?

[Q] What unique interests do your grandchildren have that you could connect with them on and encourage?

[Q] What talents and abilities do they have that you could encourage them to use for the Lord?

Teaching point three: Pray continually with and for your grandchildren.

Praying with your grandchild over the phone can be a special blessing to both of you. It’s you, your grandchild, and God. He or she will be drawn closer to you and to God by your frequent prayers together. You will get to know the child on a deeper level as he prays with you. You will come to know his needs, which in turn makes it easier to know how to pray for him. He will come to know how much you care for him as he hears you pray to God for him.

There are countless stories of the answered prayers of grandparents. The prayers may not be answered immediately, sometimes it may be years before we see results, but answers can be dramatic.

Johnson says that, “Praying for my grandchildren and grandmothering has taught me that my purpose may be more in prayer for them—not just my presence.” Read 2 Timothy 1:5.

[Q] How did Lois continue to influence Timothy even when he was out on his own? How might prayer have played a part in this?

Read 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18.

[Q] How might this verse relate to your role as a grandparent?

[Q] Have you considered the fact that prayer for your grandchildren may be your purpose for them and not just your presence? How can you more faithfully pray for your grandchildren?

[Q] In what ways can prayer be even more powerful than your presence?

Leader’s Note: In prayer, we have to let God do the work in their hearts. If we are present, we may try to do that work for him.




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[Q] How can you pray with your grandchild over the phone or by mail without sounding preachy and overbearing?

Leader’s Note: Let them lead. Children love to pray. When you do pray, speak at their level with emotion. Remember to talk to God instead of giving your grandchild a lecture through your prayers.

PART 3Apply Your Findings

Even though we may still whine and complain about not living close to our grandchildren, we must see beyond the pain to the real purpose in our relationship with them. We are called to tell them about God and his great power, and to show it by the lives we lead.

[Q] Instead of complaining about not being near our grandchildren, how can we develop a spirit of thankfulness that we have grandchildren?

[Q] What can we do to see beyond the pain of having them at a great distance?

Optional Activity: List all the things you know your grandchildren love. Contact their parents and them this week to find out more for your list. Pray about ways to communicate God’s love through those interests. If you like to write, consider how to use that in your favor. If you love to talk on the phone, look for low-cost ways to call more often. If you love crafts and projects, think of ways your grandchild could contribute to ideas in developing them. If you love the outdoors, send your grandchildren a leaf collection, etc.



Additional Resources: “Long-Distance Grandmothering,” by Margie Johnson, Christian Woman

Magazine, September/October 2004, Page 37.

The Grandparent Guide, Arthur Kornhaber, M.D. (Contemporary Books, 2002; IBSN 0071383115)

Creative Grandparenting Across the Miles, Patricia L. Fry (Liguori Publications, 1997; IBSN: 0764800469)



ARTICLE

Grandparenting Across the MilesEncouragement and insight for grandparents

By Gail Gallagher, for the study “Long-Distance Grandparenting.”

Whether your grandchildren live across the ocean or across the street, you’ve probably racked your brain trying to think of fresh ideas for growing closer to these precious children. But for most children, the thought really does count. Whether you connect with a visit, a gift, or just a simple note of encouragement, your gesture will be special just because it’s from you.

When our children were small, we moved from the Gulf coast of Texas to the Atlantic coast of Rhode Island. Being so far away from her grandchildren was very hard on my mother. She missed them dearly and was determined to continue her special relationship with them. Since she and my dad did not like to travel, she knew she’d have to be extremely creative in staying close.

She called often, and curious brown paper packages arrived regularly at our front door. However, the most special treat for the children was receiving her weekly letter, wafting with the sweet fragrance of Juicy Fruit gum. As the children reached into the mailbox every week, they quickly knew that special scent announced the arrival of grandma’s letter.

Today, there is no stopping grandparents who want to be creative in communicating with their loved one, be it during the holidays or anytime of the year. The Internet makes daily communication easy and allows you to send pictures, e-cards, educational articles, and much more. Christian bookstores are stocked with children’s videos, praise CDs, character-building stories, and activity books for all ages. Some next-day shipping companies will pick up packages right at your doorstep.

Find out what your grandchild gets excited about and brainstorm with those ideas in mind. Find out if your grandchildren have reading goals at school. If they do, you might want to contribute a book for that project. If



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you live nearby, offer to provide homework relief for their parents! If you have taken an especially interesting trip, have a pet, or if you enjoy a special hobby such as gardening, send your grandchildren pictures in a small album so they can share in your life, too.

It’s also wise for grandparents to be extremely sensitive to the desires of the parents, especially at Christmas when so many Christian families struggle to fight the world’s growing materialism. We love our little ones so much, but we can all be guilty of going overboard with gift giving. It’s important for us to do our best to support our grandchildren’s parents as they work to instill godly values in their children.

So, you think you’ve run out of bonding ideas?

Whatever you decide to do to cultivate closeness with your grandchildren, there’s nothing more special than that personal phone call. Hearing Grandma or Grandpa’s voice may be just what a child needs on that particular day.

Finally, don’t forget how exciting it is for children to receive that brown paper package tied up with string. (Consider sending one even if you live in the same town—all children love to receive mail.) Include a special Scripture passage and a stick of Juicy Fruit gum for each child. They’ll be thrilled with a little taste (and smell) of Grandma and Grandpa’s love.

— Gail Gallagher

“Grandparenting Across the Miles,” by Gail Gallagher, CHRISTIAN PARENTING TODAY, Winter, 2002



LEADER’S GUIDE

Parenting AgainMany grandparents are finding themselves in this

unexpected and challenging role.

Throughout history, grandparents have been there to pick up the slack with their grandchildren whenever and wherever needed. Those times have usually been temporary respites for the parents whenever particular needs arose. However, family situations have changed dramatically in recent years, changing the role of many grandparents from temporary respite-givers to custodial grandparents. Over four million grandchildren are being raised by their grandparents today. According to census reports, the number of grandparents caring for their grandchildren has doubled since 1990. What changes are grandparents having to make, and how are they dealing with their new role of parenting again? These are questions we’ll be asking and discussing in this study.

Lesson #3

Scripture:Psalm 22:1–5; Proverbs 3:3–20; John 14:21; 2 Corinthians 5:7; 12:7–10; Hebrews 11:6

Based on:“U-Turn for Grandparents,” by Gail Gallagher, CHRISTIAN PARENTING TODAY, Spring 2003

LEADER’S GUIDEParenting Again

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Note to leader: Prior to the class, provide for each person the article “U-Turn for Grandparents” from CHRISTIAN PARENTING TODAY magazine (included at the end of this study).

With the rising divorce rate, teen pregnancy, mental illness, incarceration, and the neglect and abuse of children, grandparents are making difficult decisions regarding future retirement plans. Some are quitting work, moving to less expensive housing, or drastically adjusting their finances to become full-time caregivers of their grandchildren. But there is hope. Grandparent support groups are starting in many communities, and there are many books addressing the issues of grandparents raising grandchildren.


[Q] What do you think you would do if you found yourself in the situation of having to raise a grandchild? Would you be prepared financially? Would you be ready emotionally? Do you have any physical disabilities that would make it difficult? Would you have a choice?

[Q] How would your grandchildren be taken care of if you didn’t step in?

[Q] Perhaps you are raising your grandchild. What can you share about your experience?Were you prepared for the reactions of others?

[Q] Do you think grandparents have rights? Do you know what your legal options are?

PART 2Discover the Eternal PrinciplesTeaching point one: In any hardship or difficulty, God’s grace is sufficient.

Read 2 Corinthians 12:7–10. Whether it is the possibility of caring for our grandchildren full-time or simply dealing with everyday stress, God’s grace is sufficient. In his power, we are made strong. His power is made perfect in our weakness.

[Q] How have you learned to let God use difficulties to grow you spiritually? Name some instances in which you found God’s grace to face hard times.




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[Q] Do you see your latter years on earth as primarily a time for your own comfort, or as a time to still serve God? How might this affect your view of raising your grandchildren?

[Q] What major changes would you have to make to raise your grandchildren? What would be the hardest change to make? How might God’s grace be sufficient for that?

Teaching point two: We live by faith, not by sight, which means we cannot worry about the future, but must trust God as we are obedient to him.

Read 2 Corinthians 5:7 and Proverbs 3:3–20. Our goal is to please the Lord in all we do, living by faith, not fixing our eyes on the temporary but on the eternal.

Unexpected things occur in our lives all the time. We need to be prepared to make decisions regarding the unexpected with eternity in mind. Many grandparents have been blindsided by having their grandkids left on their doorstep. Many grandparents do not even hesitate when it comes to rescuing their grandchildren but are stunned with the reality that retirement plans must be put on hold or cancelled entirely. Living by faith, most grandparents know that God has placed those children in their care for an eternal purpose. They know that God will take care of them because he is faithful.

[Q] What does it mean to live by faith?

[Q] What influences can cause us to fix our eyes on the temporary rather than the eternal?

[Q] According to Proverbs 3:3–20, we are to bind love and faithfulness around our neck. How would that help us to deal with adversity?

[Q] Proverbs 3:9 says to honor God with our wealth. How would that apply to raising our grandchildren?

[Q] Verses 19 and 20 of Proverbs 3 talk about wisdom. How does knowing this about God’s character give you comfort in his plans for you?

Teaching point three: If you are parenting again, God will give you the wisdom and strength to get through it.

Reread Proverbs 3:5–6, 13–18 and Psalm 22:1–5. We are not to rely on our own understanding of why things happen to us. We are to trust in the Father wholeheartedly, asking him for guidance and wisdom. As we do this, he will make our way clear. He will point us in the direction to go. He will give us wisdom to make the right decisions. He will also take away any confusion and remove any obstacles that may be in our path. He did not say our paths would be winding and unsure, he said he would make our paths straight.




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The Scriptures also teach us that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord. If your life is committed to the Lord, and you are serving him wholeheartedly, he will work things out for your good.

[Q] Why are we not to rely on our own judgment?

[Q] What biblical examples can you recall of those who trusted God in difficult circumstances, and God took care of them?

[Q] How does God give us strength when we think ours is gone? Give examples from your life.

Teaching point four: God expects us to believe what he says. Read Hebrews 11:6 and John 14:21. We could make life a lot easier if we simply believed God and his promises. If he said it, I will do it. It should be as simple as that.

[Q] Can you recall a time when you could have made things a lot easier by just believing what God had said? If so, tell us about it.

[Q] Why are faith and obedience so vital to one another?

PART 3Apply Your Findings

Parenting again can be bittersweet. You love being with your grandchildren all the time, but now it also means you are the fulltime disciplinarian. You can’t just love them, spoil them, and send them home. Your role is now different from the normal grandparent. You have primary care of your grandchildren and are now Mom and Dad. You may feel this new challenge has altered your purpose in life, but how do you know that raising your grandchild wasn’t your purpose in life all along?

[Q] Are you completely willing to be the fulltime disciplinarian of your grandchild? How can you keep that precious bond intact that you once had as a normal grandparent?

[Q] Do you know of other grandparents who are parenting again? Can you plan to meet with them and learn from their experiences?

[Q] What resources can you access to give you support?






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Additional Resources Grandparents as Parents, Sylvie de Toledo, Deborah Edler Brown

(Guilford, 1995; ISBN 1572300116)

To Grandma’s House, We … Stay, Sally Houtman, M.S. (Studio 4 Productions, 1999; IBSN 1882349059)

Raising Our Children’s Children, Deborah Doucette-Dudman (Parkview Press, 1996; IBSN 0925190918)

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, Bert Hayslip Jr., Robin Goldberg-Glen, editors (Springer Publishing Company, 2000; IBSN 0826113362)

To Grandmother’s House We Go and Stay, Carole B. Cox, editor (Springer Publishing Company, 2000; IBSN 0826112862)

Support Groups GrandsPlace – http://www.grandsplace.com

Foundation for Grandparenting – http://www.grandparenting.org

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren – http://www.aarp.org/families/grandparents/raising_grandchild/

Grand Parent Again – http://www.grandparentagain.com



http://www.grandparentagain.com/

http://www.aarp.org/families/grandparents/raising_grandchild/

http://www.grandparenting.org/

http://www.grandsplace.com/

ARTICLE

U-TurnBy Gail Gallagher, for the study “Parenting Again.”

Many of today’s grandparents who were headed to white sandy beaches or to the comforts of a beautiful retirement village are abandoning those plans and making a complete u-turn as they return to the world of report cards, temper tantrums and sleepovers. When grandparents take on the role of “parent” to their grandchildren, they know that there are many unseen challenges to face. And yet for many grandparents today, caring for our grandchildren is clearly where God needs to use us for awhile. Despite the difficulties, we trust that God will see us through this major turnaround in our lives.

Alan and Connie had their perfect white sandy beach all picked out and were finalizing their retirement plans when they became extremely concerned about their two young grandchildren. The father of the children abandoned the family and the mother went into deep depression. Her emotions deteriorated to the point where she could not care for herself, much less the two children. Because of her emotional state, she was unable to work, leaving the children both emotionally and physically needy. So Alan and Connie dropped their normal activities and spent every day ministering to the needs of the mother and their two small grandchildren.

After a few months, the mother’s depression became more severe. Alan and Connie knew that the children were no longer safe being left alone with their mother, not even for a moment. They sought legal advice and began a long and fierce battle for custody of the children. In spite of extremely tense times, they now have full legal custody of the grandchildren.

Amanda is a single woman in her forties whose adult daughter was on drugs. Amanda didn’t hesitate for a minute to rescue her granddaughter



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from a potentially dangerous situation. She has had her granddaughter for two years and they make quite a team. Amanda’s 7-year-old granddaughter has been richly blessed and saved from a life of trouble. And Amanda is blessed beyond measure as well. You see, Amanda has MS and is in a wheelchair. Now she has a loving companion and great helper. Amanda had all kinds of valid reasons to say no to the idea of taking her granddaughter in, yet she chose to do what she felt God asking her to do.

There are countless stories of grandparents of all ages who are making u-turns and caring for their grandchildren in difficult circumstances. If you are in a similar situation, it can often feel so discouraging. So remember that no matter how impossible a problem looks, there is always a solution. That solution is rooted in our heavenly Father. He promises that he is present in every situation and will bring good out of even the most tragic story. He is the source of our consolation and comfort as we work through the often painful process of caring for our grandchildren. Let him speak to your heart through Isaiah 26:3, “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.”

—Gail Gallagher

“U-Turn for Grandparents,” by Gail Gallagher, CHRISTIAN PARENTING TODAY, Spring 2003



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