ctrl.alt.defeat

Issue #1

Hemingway’s Paris

Fridge Magnets

Euro 2012 - Our Guide

VirtualDiscovery

WearableArtwork

WWW.bREW

DOG.COM

Beer for Punks www.brewdog.com

The Craft Beer Revolution.


The Craft Beer Revolution.

Editor in Chief: Grant FiskenFeatures Editor: Samantha LeckieDesign Editor: Henri KukkonenDesign/Production: David Mann

Joe FolanKellie StupartJames ProctorJulie Knowles

Contributors:

Ctrl. Alt. Defeat.

It’s time to control your focus, open an alternative space in your mind and defeat all your preconceived ideas.

Welcome to the first issue of the lifestyle magazine that introduces you to something new. And to cel-ebrate the birthplace of Ctrl. Alt. Defeat we are placing a special focus on the north-east of Scotland.

We speak to the artist who has gone from Dundee to Aberdeen via Paris and New York, meet the woman who has gone from running her own business to partnering an American pop star and reveal the Aberdeen-based band hoping to make the big time.

We also look ahead to the summer and tell you who to support at Euro 2012 and we visit the Eastern Eu-ropean capital city divided by a growing generational gap.

For the rest, well you’ll just have to read on.

From the editor:

Estersands Illustrations (cover image)

A new buzz in an old genre. YolanDa Brown stirs up the jazz scene.

A quick-fire round with Steven Winton of electro-rock five-piece Fridge Magnets

Column

Column

28

Henri Kukkonen delves into young Hemingway’s Paris

Ctrl.Alt.Defeat - Issue #1

10 20

38 40 43

47 48

“I like Aberdeen. I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”

What happens when north-east Scot-land teams up with an LA superstar?

It’s not all doom and gloom in the City of Discovery

Ctrl.Alt.Defeat visit Budapest and discover evidence of a divided city

Column

Column

Last Word

58 59 62

68 81

90 92

pOrterNicole

Walking down King Street trying to shield yourself from the buffeting gale-force wind in the hope you will avoid the vast puddles that litter the pavements, it is easy to see why many people, even locals, see Aberdeen as grey and dreary. Even in spring.

“I like Aberdeen. I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”

As the Castlegate draws closer there is a sudden break in the seemingly endless line of granite shops and flats. A vibrant purple exterior provides a welcoming relief from the driving rain. It is the entrance to The Nicole Porter Gallery, the base and showcase for a young artist and gallery owner bearing her name.

Text: Grant FiskenPhotos: Henri Kukkonen

11

“Aberdeen is a place that has a lot to offer,” she says. “It’s got the beach, it’s got the mountains, it’s got the city scene. You know, even when it’s chucking it down the beach is still gorgeous. I just really, really like it. I’d rather be here than Paris or New York.”

That isn’t a throwaway remark. She means it, having lived in both cities on her journey to learn the skills to become a professional artist. Upon graduating from Duncan of Jordanstone College of Art and Design in Dundee, Porter went to Norway to study with and as-sist figurative painter Odd Nerdrum. This led to a four month stint working in Nerdrum’s Paris studio before uprooting to New York to learn from Steven Assael, one of her favourite representational artists.

12

“Going abroad was essential for learning techniques I couldn’t get at Dundee. It was more about creative thinking there, I had to go out and learn the actual skills. It also broadens your horizons and I met loads of dif-ferent people. It makes you aware of the art scenes in other places and maybe what’s lacking or what could happen in Aberdeen. Now I have a gallery I control, it makes me think, if an exhibition can work in New York or Paris, why can’t it work here? It’s always good to see what else is going on. You don’t get the same effect just by looking online, you need to be there and see it.”

It would be easy to imagine the path from art school to gallery owner via Europe and North America would have been Nicole Porter’s lifelong ambition. However, the reality is somewhat different.

13

“I had always liked drawing, but I wasn’t like ‘I want to be an artist’, it just ended up being that way. I never even picked art at school. The head of the art depart-ment took me out of classes for three whole days and sat me in his office explaining why it was important to pick art as a subject. So I chose French instead! But after about a month I was thinking ‘what have I done?’”

The most clichéd of thinkers would have you believe everyone has their “sliding doors” moment in their life where one decision could completely alter the future. For Nicole, it was what to do when she finished school and whether she would end up in a courtroom or a studio.

14

“My UCAS form was a total mish-mash of subjects. I had got into law but thought I’d send a cheeky appli-cation to art school since I had ended up doing a port-folio at school, and if I got in maybe I should give it a go because I’d regret it if I didn’t. I got in and that was it. I didn’t really think about what I was letting myself in for, I just thought art sounds more fun than law!”

The Nicole Porter Gallery opened in September 2010 and shows exhibitions of other artists work and oc-casionally exhibitions of her own work. She also con-ducts classes in the gallery’s studio. So as well as be-ing artist, gallery owner and teacher, you could add entrepreneur. Just don’t say that to her face.

15

“I don’t like words or terms that sound like they belong in The Apprentice,” she jokes. “It was my mum’s idea to open a gallery. I wasn’t so sure at first. I am an or-ganised person and organised artist but I’m not very business-minded.

“I always think from the artist’s point of view, which is maybe not how other galleries operate but I think it’s an advantage in some ways because other artists trust and rely on you not to basically shaft them like a lot of galleries do. My family is involved in the gallery so much I rely on them for the business heads rather than relying on my own!”

“..probably decide on what

I’m going to have for lunch”

18

As it’s time to leave Nicole to continue work on her latest creation, there’s one final thought to that “sliding doors” moment. If she had chosen law, would she have eventu-ally ended up as an artist anyway?

“Probably not,” she concedes. “Though I’m such a com-petitive person and want to be the best in anything and everything I do, so I would have probably become the best lawyer in the world.”

Although said tongue-in-cheek, with that attitude be-hind her it would be hard to see The Nicole Porter Gallery going anywhere other than from strength to strength.

So what is next for The Nicole Porter Gallery? A grand five year plan? Expansion? More travel?

“I’ll probably decide on what I’m going to have for lunch,” she laughs. “I plan the next exhibition or show but there’s no long-term plan. You just don’t know what’s going to happen or what life will throw at you, so what’s the point in planning?”

19

Armed with a ballpoint pen 24-year-old illustrator Scott Connick transfers his alternative visions onto whatever surface possible. Inspired by music, movies and video games, the pic-tures convey dark, moody im-agery with a personal touch.

He has created stunning rec-reations from cult clas-sics such as Disney’s Up, a gloomy take on Treebeard of Lord of the Rings fame and Mary Poppins in Chairman Mao attire [front cover]. Ctrl.Alt.Defeat presents some of his glorious creations.

Estersands Illustrations

Hemingways

Hemingways Paris

By Henri Kukkonen

’

29

“If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.”Ernest Hemingway to a friend, 1950.

he grey haired owner of Swan Jazz Bar on Boulevard de Montparnasse was drunk and small. The green club jacket he was wearing was too big for his shoulders. A tall, blond singer walked down from the stage with care-fully planted steps and came over to the bar. When she stood next to the owner they looked like Bernie Ecclestone and his model wife. She refused a glass of house red wine and left with a taller, more tanned and less drunken Frenchman who had been sitting next to me in the bar as she sang. The bartender, a young girl with shy English accent, asked if I was there to sing now that the stage was left empty and the pianist was play-ing on his own. “You can, just that you know” she said. I took a sip from my Mojito, which was too sweet because the girl thought the mint was there merely as a deco-rative element, uncrushed on top of the rum, lemon-ade, sugar and ice. The drink was neither delicious nor refreshing so I didn’t stay for another and followed the singer and his date onto the street and headed down the Boulevard towards the Dome in the Place Pablo Picasso. T

In “A Moveable Feast” Hemingway writes about the false spring. Now Paris had geared up and there was a sense of false summer in the air. The day had been warm, hot even, but the night air was getting cooler. The Dome didn’t have heat lamps outside and its chairs were empty as the people had chosen the opposite Rotonde which treated its patrons with quilts and electronic heating.

I sat behind an American couple who were just in the middle of a charade I have seen tens, if not hundreds, of times in my life. The garçon had poured a small dash of what appeared to be rosé in the gentleman’s glass and he had his nose inside the rim. He took a sip and approved the bottle, like each time I’ve witnessed the same scene before. I don’t know if anybody in the world knows what would happen if the man would react unlike the etiquette tells and shout, “What is this shit you are bringing to us? This is dreadful, I want another bottle.”

The bottle wan’t their first one. That became clear when the lady got up and fell back to the chair with a heavy gush followed by a tipsy giggle. They both had heavy wrist watches and cameras, and they were wearing train-ers and outdoors jackets with jeans and reddish faces.

The waiter complimented their French when they mer-cied him before they made their shaky way toward Boulevard Raspail.

I walked past the empty tables of Select and crossed the street toward Gare du Montparnasse and around the corner to my place, a hostel room with two bunk beds for six people. Inside I found Robert Jiang, a polite sec-ond generation Chinese-American medical student from Ohio, who had taken refuge from the living room to the kitchen because the four Washington DC girls were al-ready asleep. There was no staff. I had got the key to the flat from a boy who works at the hostel office. He had picked me up from Montparnasse Bienvenue after I had called him from a pay phone. Robert gave me a beer and we spent the rest of the night comparing our Paris notes.

The girls were gone when I woke up and Robert got up after I had showered and asked if I wanted to have breakfast. He stopped to look at me when I got dressed. “I feel so under-dressed for Europe,” he said. “These are my travel clothes. I only have these trainers and this jacket. I didn’t know.”

30

I assured him it would be okay and we took a lift to the rue level and stepped onto the sunny street. Robert said he had always wanted to see how Par-is wakes up, how the streets fill with people and noise and how the city looks like when the sun rises.

We walked past a newsagent where Islamic terror-ists dominated the front pages of le Figaro, le Paris-ien and Aujourd’hui. Le Monde diplomatique had the crisis in Syria and the French Presidential elec-tions above the fold, whereas la Croix had a picture of an American kid with a “Go Mitt Romney, Mor-mons rock” sign on his hand. Robert said that many Americans think that the Republicans will win the presidential race. “We are scared of hospitals” he said.

Paris was still sleepy and the streets were quiet and the shops closed. We got to a cafe and could pick any ta-ble we wanted. “My parents have lived in America for decades but they are old fashioned and they still have their habits from communist China,” Robert said. “The students who are coming to America from China nowa-days are so good in this capitalism. This new generation is better at it than my parents who have lived in the heart of it for thirty years.”

“I feel so under-dressed for Europe. These are my travel clothes. I only have these trainers and this jacket. I didn’t

know.”

31

32

The air was getting hot again and I walked towards Jar-din du Luxembourg along the small streets between the Boulevard and Raspail. The Luxembourg Park was one of Hemingway’s favourite places in Paris where he liked to stroll around the gardens which were open only to royalty before the French Revolution. He would also get inspiration from the Cezanne’s in the park museum.

De l’Observatoire, a rectangular park leading to the gar-dens was crowded with school kids disobeying the signs banning ball games on the grass.

I walked across Rue Auguste and entered the park from the Place André Honnorat. A fragile Asian lady was practising tai chi in the middle of the sandy lane with her sword flashing in the light, cutting slow and smooth curves in the air.

Painters with their teachers were immortalising the trees, bushes, flowers and sculptures on their canvases, taking advantage of the dance of the light and shadow created by the late March sun.

A group of pensioners were playing pétanque on the garden’s Rue Guynemer side and I sat down in the sun in front of a small ice cream kiosk to read. The teams, two ladies and three gentlemen, were aiming to throw hol-low but heavy palm-sized metal balls (boules) as close as possible to a small red wooden ball called a cochonet or jack. The smaller of the ladies got her ball closest to the jack and stepped out of the ring to let the other team have their go.

34

The oldest looking man took his turn and used a metre long metal string with a magnet on its end to pick up one of his metal balls from the ground to save his failing knees. He tried shooting, a throw with purpose to knock out the boule now closest to the jack. He stood knees straight, leaning his torso slightly forward and made a back and forth movement with his right arm while he was aiming. His boule had the right direction but too much power and it missed the jack by almost a foot and rolled to the boundary and became dead, meaning it got removed from that end.

The turn didn’t change as his teammate, a tanned skinny man who never stopped talking nor humming, still had two balls left. He stepped into the ring, one boule in his left hand and one in his right. He bent his legs so that his right knee was almost touching the pitch and tried pointing, placing his boule closest to the jack.

The only sound coming from the group was the hum-ming from the player in turn as others were left silent in suspense of his attempt. He jerked his hand and tried to give the ball backspin to make it stop about three feet from where it landed and not roll on too far. The ball flew in the air, thumped on the pitch and bounced over the lady’s ball, rolling to the same distance away from the jack as the other team’s boule. All five of them gathered around the jack to observe the situation more closely, but were unable to decide which team was closer with the help of their fading eyesight.

The youngest and most agile of the players took a piece of string from his jacket pocket and placed it on top of the jack. With his right hand on the jack end he spun the string over the lady’s boule and pinned his left thumb and index finger around the string on top of the middle point of the ball.

Then he moved to do the same for the gentleman’s boule without letting go of the string with his left hand. But the string was too short which meant that the lady was closer and the tanned

player stepped back into the ring.

The pause had broken his concentration and his last boule rolled to the boundary and the lady’s teammate had a chance to steal another point with his last ball. The man was smoking a small cigar and the others were standing a couple of metres away from the jack while he was concentrating silently inside the ring.

He wiped the dust off his boule with a handkerchief and threw it toward the jack with a motion starting from his feet, knees and hips, and ending it with a twist from his wrist. His inexperience almost cost them the end when the ball collided with the lady’s boule, pushing it to the boundary.

But he got lucky when his own ball was left closest to the red wooden ball, earning his team a point. Everybody collected their boules and the lady threw the jack to the opposite end about seven metres away and made a new ring to the dusty pitch with her shoe.

The only sound com-ing from the group was the humming from the player in turn as others were left silent in suspense

of his attempt.

The traffic was getting heavier and I left the terrace and walked across Rue Soufflot and saw the impressive Pan-théon on top of the hill. I kept going along the St. Michel towards Seine and turned right at the river. There, just on the other side from the colossal Notre Dame, I stepped into a small bookstore called Shakespeare and Company where you can buy and trade old and new books from all genres. In Hemingway’s day the store was owned by Syl-via Beach, an American-born publisher and leading ex-patriate between the World Wars, who became a friend of young Hemingway and his wife.

None of the experts noticed the red wine was actually white

wine.

The sun made me thirsty. I wanted a drink. I walked through the crowded gardens past the Luxembourg Palace and rows of square shaped trees. They created a strong feeling of depth as I moved towards the busy cor-ner of Boulevard Saint Michel and Rue Gay Lussac. There, just metres away from the traffic, I sat down and ordered a glass of white wine. The waiter wanted to know what kind and I told him that cold house white is okay. I like wine but I don’t like the snobbishness around it. I espe-cially don’t want to act like I know too much about it.

In 2001, Frederic Brochet of the University of Bordeaux conducted an experiment where he invited 57 wine ex-perts to taste what appeared to be a glass of white wine and a glass of red wine. The wines were actually the same white wine, one of which had been coloured with red food colouring. The experts tasted the wines and liked the red one’s “jamminess” or enjoyed its “crushed red fruit”. None of the experts noticed the red wine was actually white wine. I got mine and knew it was white, cold and refreshing, and it made the glass sweat in the late afternoon heat.

37

In “A Moveable Feast” Hemingway describes how shy he was when he first went into the shop because he didn’t have enough money to join the rental library. Sylvia told him he could pay the deposit when he had the money and take as many books as he wanted and then asked him and his wife for dinner at her place. Today, the bookstore hosts cultural events and offers rooms for aspiring writers.

I bought a well-read copy of Albert Camus’ “The Stran-ger” and headed towards the island for a late lunch or early dinner.

In Paris, Hemingway worked in a room “that looked across all the roofs and chimneys of the high hill of the quarter”. He loved the feeling when he finished the day’s work and walked “down the long flight of stairs knowing that I’d had good luck with working”. I was walking that same walk on Pont Saint Louis while a man was playing a violin and another one was playing a pi-ano, knowing that I was lucky enough to have captured some of that “Moveable Feast” inside me.

He loved the feel-ing when he finished the day’s work and

walked “down the long flight of stairs know-ing that I’d had good luck with working”.

Jazz. A word that for years has shared the same status as mous-tache or politics among the younger generations. It conjures up images of old men in dark, smoky clubs in less salubrious parts of the city. But anyone who holds onto that old-fashioned ideal has clearly never seen YolanDa Brown jam it out on stage.

The 29-year-old from London performs a jazz-packed live show filled with R’n’B, classic jazz and funk. She fuses jazz together with alternative genres of music making it new, fresh and fun. Her fans in Aberdeen were certainly blown away by her musical talent.

“When some people come to a jazz show they think it will be quite stiff, but we love to dance and enjoy it,” YolanDa says. “I like to give a good show and leave everybody wanting more.”

That’s not surprising when you consider she spends plenty of time rehearsing for her gigs, as she treats every performance she does as a warm-up for the next show. The saxophonist recently toured with former Hot Chocolate singer Errol Brown and jazz legend Courtney Pine. She has also played with Jools Holland’s Rhythm and Blues orchestra.

Samantha Leckie went to The Lemon Tree in Aberdeen to speak to the woman making jazz cool again, and to watch her in action.

Picture used with permission from Evening Express

YolanDa hit the stage with her four-piece band consisting of bass, drums, electric guitar and keyboard. The north-east audience was treated to a spine tingling show featuring a reggae tribute to Bob Marley which had everyone singing along as she blasted out jazz versions of some of his classic hits, including “No Woman No Cry”.

The two-time MOBO award winner for Best Jazz dazzled on both saxo-phone and clarinet and had the crowd mesmerised watching her shimmy and shake as she also performed hits from her debut album “April Show-ers May Flowers”.

“I think it is quite an uplifting album,” she says. “The idea behind the al-bum is, the April showers may come and you will go through hard times. But you push through and persevere... and the May flowers... the exciting times...do come.”

The new album exposes YolanDa in a different way as she has put down her saxophone for the first time on her track “Without You” and sung. For YolanDa, the saxophone has always been her voice on stage, so singing was a strange experience.

“Singing for me was like another language even though it should be quite natural,” she reveals. “I had to learn so much about using my voice and my breathing, something I’ve never had to think about before.”

Despite being a successful artist, music was not YolanDa’s original career plan. She was studying for a PhD in Management Science at the Uni-versity of Kent when she gave it up to follow her dream of becoming a recording musician. She is no doubt she made the right decision.

“I’d say if push comes to shove then just follow your heart. I knew that in order for my career to move forward I needed to get the album done. I literally locked myself away in the studio to write and record the album. For me music is not just about playing an instrument it is about playing with emotion. It is important to learn how to improvise and feel the mu-sic rather than just read it.”

YolanDa made her audience on the night feel part of her musical jour-ney as she sat in the crowd with them performing some of her tracks. If you still don’t believe jazz has hit the 21st century then look at the crowd when she joins them and then you’ll know.

Samantha Leckie went to The Lemon Tree in Aberdeen to speak to the woman making jazz cool again, and to watch her in action.

39

Calling on women of today – have any of you felt like you have been missing something lately?

No it isn’t your keys. And it isn’t your favourite lippy. Two words...self respect.

Flip through newspapers today and soon you will be totting up the number of kiss and tell stories.

I was brought up in the era when The Spice Girls ruled girl world and like many others I thought they were the best thing since sliced bread.

Then it was Britney Spears who became pop princess – al-though these days it could be debated she is pop’s biggest mess.

But ignoring all the little school uniforms and Posh Spice’s tiny LBD – that means little black dress for those of you not down with the fashion lingo... ahem...men – did these women selling their tales of passion not listen to any of the lyrics?

What about when the Spice Girls said if you wanna be my lover you gotta get with my friends?

The message being that friends should always come before men – or when good old Brit Brit told us she wasn’t a girl, not yet a woman?

Reaching out to all those teens who were somewhere between a hor-monal teenager and a well balanced woman...okay sorry that was a massive lie, I’ll try again.... between a hormonal teenager and a hor-monal woman.

My point is this - I thought the girl power era was all about kicking men to the kerb and more importantly being independent women?

But here I am reading, “My Fling With £3M Jackpot Bus Driver”, and holding my nose to save my nostrils from the stench of desperation.

Why does this 26-year-old woman who has her whole life ahead of her think she should make a quick buck off some rich guy’s scandal?

Now I don’t need anyone jumping down my throat. I can hear it now, “oh but he is a cheat he deserves everything he gets”...blah blah blah.

I am the first person to hate a cheater – I want to happy slap them in the face too, I swear.

But does that really justify this woman

standing up and announcing she has slept with a married man who has just won the lotto?

Does she think because she wasn’t married to some poor chump it makes her any better?

Would she not rather make an honest living for herself than plaster her mug across the tabloids for some dirty money?

This is what I mean with self respect. Sex sells, this much is true, but I think this saying is being thrown around a little too freely these days.

So, are you a bit skint this month ladies? Why not sell your clothes on eBay or sell your books on Amazon...sell your soul to the devil for all I care – just please don’t sell your self respect.

Samantha Leckie is the features editor of Ctrl.Alt.Defeat. She is against men wearing leather jackets in the gym.Samantha Leckie What happened to self respect?

40

Q&A with Fridge Magnets

43

Steven Winton was probably hoping he was going to get “all the girls, all the girls” when his band, Fridge Magnets, rocked out on stage supporting superstar DJ Calvin Harris.

The band started out with a few gigs in slightly more humble company at such venues as ABC 2 and King Tuts in Glasgow. However promoters quickly realised this is a band that can both draw a crowd and, more importantly, keep them entertained.

The band are still finding their feet in the music industry and have been de-scribed as “up and coming electro rockers and all round crazy bastards”.

The group of ambitious young guys have recently embarked on their UK magical mystery tour. Starting in London and ending.... well that’s still to be confirmed.

Kellie Stupart caught up with crazy frontman Winton for a quick chat.

Firstly, why Fridge Magnets?

Because we love fridges! To be honest it was just because it was the first thing we seen when we were baked!

When did you form and how did you meet?

We have been together for roughly two years. However in our current for-mat it is just over a year. Campbell, Laurie and Ciaran were friends at school in Glasgow. I joined not long after because I knew Campbell’s cousin. Chris then joined a few months later.

What inspired you to become a band?

The original members had come from various bands and decided to go down the electro genre but they didn’t have a lead singer so they asked me to join them. Although I had been more into indie music growing up I found this an exciting challenge so we all decided to go down the dance route.

Describe your musical sound and who would you compare yourself to?

We have been compared to a whole host of acts in terms of sound. Acts like Calvin Harris, Deadmau5 and Example. We try to remain a dance band but we like to keep a certain live aspect of a rock band. I think it shows in our performances. We feel at home in a nightclub or in an actual band venue and we’ve played in quite a few so far.

Tell us about your latest tracks/videos.

Due to various reasons we are not allowed to officially release anything at the minute, however there are a few videos on Youtube (including “Death of Rock ‘N’ Roll” and “Feeling Grows”). The videos have done a lot for the band to get the tracks over to the public. Both those tracks have been played on Radio 1 on numerous occasions and again has helped grow the profile of the band.

What is your most memorable gig to date?

We’ve been lucky to play Rockness, T in the Park, King Tuts, Death Disco and support various artists, but I think the one that stands out is Calvin Harris. We supported him and it was in an awesome venue called the Coronet Theatre in London. The theatre has played host to Oasis, Blur and even Justin Timberlake. The actual arena is amazing and playing to about four thousand fans was incredible. The gig was a huge success and gave us huge confidence to go on and aspire to play more gigs of that scale.

Anything exciting lined up for the future?

Literally as I speak I’m meant to be packing to go and play two big gigs in London which we are really excited about. There has been some decent label interest of late and we hope we can put on a show for them while we are down. We also have a few festivals we are playing and hope to announce them very soon.

It may be the “Death of Rock ‘N’ Roll” but it’s definitely not the death of electro rock, only the beginning.

Pictures: Fridge Magnetsfacebook.com/TheFridgeMagnets.

* Electro/dance indie band

* Originally from Glasgow, now based primarily in Ab-erdeen.

* Steven Winton (left) lead vocals, Chris Philip on drums, bass player Ciaran Pasi, Laurie Sanderson on lead guitar and synth/pro-grammer Campbell Nelson

*Sounds like a DJ but with live instruments

(clockwise from left) - Chris Philip, Steven Winton, Campbell Nelson, Laurie Sanderson, Ciaran Pasi

The Grand National and the London Marathon.

Two of the UK’s sporting institutions. Two days of the year when people who don’t have any interest in sport whatsoever tune in – just because everyone else does.

Unfortunately the 2012 versions both had something in common – death. Two horses were put down after falling in the National and 30 year-old Claire Squires became the eleventh person to die attempting the London Marathon since it began in 1981.

For the second year running cam-paigners against the National voiced their concerns vigorously at the dangers and risk to animal welfare. Strangely the public and media reac-tion to Squires’ tragic death has been surprisingly positive.

I put this down to one thing – the growing spectre of charity.

Squires, like many of the “fun” partic-ipants who enter the London Mara-thon, had raised £400 on her internet fundraising site on the morning of the race. Within three days of her passing during the event and sub-sequent media coverage, that figure had rocketed to more than £600,000. That’s six hundred thousand pounds.

The thing I can’t help wondering is, why?

I’ll clarify a couple of things at this point. Firstly, obviously her death is horrendous and you wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Secondly, a lot of charitable organisations do excellent work and deserve genuine donations and help.

Squires’ charity of choice is the Samaritans due to her mother having volunteered for them for 24 years. A nice gesture which you would imagine would have been important to her. But how many of the tens of thousands of people who ended up donating to her knew of this link

or even of the charity she was competing for?

“Does that matter as long as money is being raised for a good cause,” I hear you shout.

Well I think it leads on to the wider problem with the way society re-sponds to charity today and as in so many other forms of modern day Britain it’s about jumping on the latest bandwagon without thinking. Let me explain.

In the not too distant past you could sponsor a friend for a sponsored cycle or pop some loose change into a tin at the local shops and you’d know who you were giving money to, why they needed help and where exactly your money was going and what it would do to help. It actually made you feel quite good.

Nowadays you can’t walk down the street without being asked to save something or someone, you can’t buy something from Argos without being asked for a 20p charitable donation, you can’t sift through your post with-out a leaflet asking for something, you can’t watch TV without sitting through propagandic commercials, you can’t buy an air ticket without being asked if you want to upgrade to an eco-friendly ticket……hang on, is that last one even charity? And that’s my point. It’s almost impossi-ble to tell now.

Charity has morphed into business, advertising and who can get the most, the quickest – like a volunteer

“The Apprentice”.

Don’t believe me? That’s your choice. What’s that, the Samaritans have announced annual “turnover” of ten million pounds………..

Grant Fisken is the editor of Ctrl.Alt.Defeat.He has never run a mara-thon nor taken part in the Grand National. Yet.Grant Fisken What is charity?

47

WHAT TOWEAR THISSUMMER?

48

Summertime is almost upon us! As the sun shines and the daf-fodils bloom, Scotland fans will be stuck at home again as an-other major football tournament takes place without them. However the Tartan Army can hang up their kilts for a few

weeks, and don the colours of a new adopted nation.

Joe Folan helps you to choose.

49

GROUP A

Poland

FIFA Ranking: 65thCurrent Odds: 50/1

Pros: As co-hosts of the competition you wouldn’t be the only one supporting them and be-ing on home turf they’ll hope to be somewhat competitive. Darkhors-es? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, we’re only at team number one.

Greece


Pros: Amazingly, they have one thing in com-mon with a select group of eight other countries - they have won the tour-nament. Fair enough Euro 2004 was miserable, and fair enough it was a fluke, but for that reason you cannot rule them out even though all sense says you should.

Cons: As co-hosts of the competition they get automatic entry, which makes you won-der if they would have qualified if they had to. Chances are, if you buy their jersey they’ll be in and out of the tourna-ment with plenty time to spare on the receipt.

Cons: Given their eco-nomic situation, they may not even exist when June 8th comes around!

As can be seen from the official rank-ings given for each team in this arti-cle, many of the numbers just don’t make sense.

No offence to all the die-hard Danes out there but ninth in the world is being more than generous, espe-cially when you consider the the po-sition of traditional European pow-ers Bulgaria who are only just inside the top 100 and below minnows like Oman and the Cape Verde Islands.

The reason for this is the elusive system FIFA have of calculating the

rankings.

“The basic logic of these calculations is simple: any team that does well in world football wins points which enable it to climb the world ranking.”

FIFA lures my interest of trying to understand their system with this beginning statement, a line that must constantly be met by “well duh”. From here on things get tricky - anyone who failed Higher maths should stop reading now. The fol-lowing calculation is used to figure out how many points can be gained

from each game: P = M x I x T x C

P = The Points available from each match.

M = How the Match went, 3pts for a win, 1pt for a draw, none for a loss. Teams that win from a penalty shoot-out get 2pts while the other team get 1pt for their troubles.

I = Importance of the match. These range from 1.0 for a challenge match (friendly) up to 4.0 for matches in the World Cup finals.

All sound easy so far? Here’s the finer details...

T = The sTrength of the opposing team. This involves yet another for-mula, 200 minus the ranked position of the opponents. For example, Scotland are currently *ahem* 48th in the world which means any team playing against Scotland would have 152 as their T. And just before you think that’s easy, there are two conditions - the team ranked 1st is always 200, and any team ranked 150th or less is always 50.

FIFA Rankings - The Mystery Explained

Russia


Pros: Their time is defi-nitely coming. Massive investment in clubs in the country is starting to show a return and these lads will crawl over broken glass to get a star above their crest before they host the World Cup in 2018.


Pros: Probably one of the most average teams in the tournament, the Czechs have declined massively over the last decade. A good team to follow if you want to celebrate the odd good result, but a whole tour-nament seems too much of an ask.

Cons: Only one player in their likely squad is based abroad and even then Pavel Pogrebnyak (pronounced Pog-reb-ni-yak) only arrived at Fulham in January! Not one for the fair-weather fans.

Czech Republic

Cons: Teams from the “Group of Death” await them in the quarter-fi-nals, ie, will knock them out. Not to mention the hostility many Scottish fans will hold against them for blocking their route to the finals.

C = Strength of Confederation. Each continent has a value: Europe & South America = 1.00North America & Caribbean Islands = 0.88 Africa, Asia & Australia = 0.86Oceania (excluding Australia) = 0.85

This means that if France and Ger-many play each other they use 1.00. However, if France play New Zealand, they use (1.00+0.85)/2 because that’s the average between the two confederations.

Anyone still alive out there after that? Right, let’s put this into prac-tice. Scotland decide to win a match and they beat Cuba 3-1 in a friendly. The calculation would be 3 x 1.0 x 64 x 0.94, resulting in Scotland receiv-ing 180.48 points. Fair play to them!

Here are some picks from the official FIFA Rankings. Some of these are ob-vious, some are more surprising, and some even ludicrous!

1 Spain2 Germany3 Uruguay4 Netherlands5 Portugal6 Brazil10 Argentina15 Ivory Coast18 Switzerland21 Australia29 USA30 Japan33 Turkey39 Mali41 Wales44 Belgium

46 Libya48 Scotland55 Egypt60 Nigeria76 Cape Verde Islands79 Finland84 Qatar86 North Korea100 Northern Ireland100 Antigua & Barbuda118 Faroe Islands136 Cuba150 Malta182 Pakistan205 Andorra=205 Turks & Caicos Islands

GROUP B

Netherlands


Pros: Big names. Very big names. Despite the tough competition they face, they’ll consider it a failure if they don’t reach the semi-finals.

Denmark


Pros: The Danes have winners medals with their name on it from Euro ’92 where they toppled both the Neth-erlands and Germany on their way to the trophy. Could lightning strike twice?

Cons: Just hope they don’t act as aggressively as they did against Spain in the World Cup Final two years ago. If they do they won’t have a player left to play in the semi-finals!

Cons: All the other coun-tries would have to put out their second teams to give the Danes a snow-balls chance of recreating their previous success.

Donbass Arena, Donetsk, Ukraine

Completed in 2009 the 51,500 seater stadium cost $400 million to construct, $150 million over budget. It’s money well spent for a fantastic looking stadium, with the Allianz Arena in Munich and the National Stadium in Beijing on the CV of the designers. Shakhtar Donetsk are the home club in this UFO which was officially opened by a Beyonce gig in August 2009. Crazy.In love...

Metalist Stadium, Kharkiv, Ukraine

This stadium has been constantly updated since 1925 and even now it still has parts going back 80 years. Home to Metalist Kharkiv, this season’s Europa League surprise package, the modernism is impres-sive with six gyms, medical and rehabilitation centres, an exclusive presidential box and a hotel. The capacity of 41,111 sounds a little unfinished but Oleksandr Yaroslavsky, a Ukrainian billionaire (worth $1.4 billion), had a hand in choosing it.

Olympic Stadium, Kiev, Ukraine

This is where the Euros will be wrapped up come final night and with that in mind the designers delayed the opening just to ensure a fancy bit of roof was in place. There’s space for 70,000 spectators here. This time around Shakira opened the stadium. There seems to be a pattern unfolding here...

Arena Lviv, Lviv, Ukraine

At 33,000 seats it is Euro 2012’s smallest venue, yet it boasts a 400-seater fancy restaurant as well as 19 fast-food style bars. The ground features a transparent roof which is designed to be full of holes. Defeating the purpose of a roof don’t you think?

Host Stadiums - Did You Know?

52

Germany

FIFA Ranking: 2ndCurrent Odds: 3/1

Pros: Winners three times, runners-up three times. One of the best domestic leagues in the world. Ten wins out of ten in qualification. Only a fool would rule them out…or an octo-pus.


Pros: If you re-arrange “Portugal”, you get “skil-ful football”, and that’s a fact. Whether they make it past the groups or not, by the time July 1st comes around they’re sure to be one of the con-tenders for goal of the tournament.

Cons: They won’t win. It may seem like a bit of a kop-out, but that is the only thing I can come up with. They won’t win Euro 2012, you heard it here first.

Portugal

Cons: It’ll be a cold day in hell before I shout positive comments in Cristiano Ronaldo’s direction.

Municipal Stadium, Poznan, Poland

A very eco-friendly stadium opened by Sting in 2010. It has tanks to help collect rainwater to use in the sprinklers. Aww, nice. Two of Ireland’s group matches will be played here so it makes it even greener! Capacity is 41,000 which is a lot of people to fit into an oversized pillow. Since December 2009 the grass has been replaced six times meaning that if John Terry is going to slip anywhere, it may as well be here.

National Stadium, Warsaw, Poland

Used by the Polish National Team. The ground was opened in January and will hold 50,000 people for the opening ceremony on June 8th. There is a giant spire hanging 30 metres above the centre spot which is part of the roof structure. Dangerous? Hell yeah!

Arena Gdansk, Gdansk, Poland

Used by KS Lechia Gdansk, the 40,000 seater venue includes its own roller skating circuit. Con-sidered to be one of the nicest stadiums in Europe, it’s golden walls shine in the sun like...a golden shiny thing.

Municipal Stadium, Wroclaw, Poland

The 44,300 seater ground includes a museum to their tenants Silesia Wroclaw and is one of the most ex-pensive stadiums in the champion-ships. A WBC boxing fight between Vitali Klitschko and Tomasz Adamek opened the stadium in September 2011 and has since been followed by a George Michael concert and a monster truck show. What else is there to know?

53

GROUP C

Spain

FIFA Ranking: 1stCurrent Odds: 9/4

Pros: They’re up there with Germany and the Dutch as one of the heavyweights of the Euros, and are ranked number one in the FIFA world rankings. The ma-jority of their squad play in La Liga - a very proud national team. (Oh, and by the way, they’ll win!).

Italy


Pros: The Azzurri! A ferocious collection of players led by Gi-anluigi Buffon, one of the best goalies in the game. Similar setup to Spain with the bulk of the squad based in Serie A, their own domestic league. And thanks to Mario Balotelli, con-troversy will follow this team closer than its devoted legion of fans.

Cons: Fernando Torres was recently called up to the national squad again…on his form? Possible banana skin right there. Although if he is still firing blanks, there’s plenty more qual-ity to take his place.

Cons: Balotelli is to Italy what Diego Mara-dona was to Argentina when he was a manager: unwanted attention and controversy. They bot-tled it at the last World Cup and unfortunately with the media monkey on their backs, I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens again.

There’s a lot to be said for the current world champions.

Since mesmerising the continent in Austria and Switzerland at Euro 2008, La Roja have been the side to fear in international football.

Their previous ten matches have thrown up seven wins, one draw and just two defeats (both in friend-lies). In those games they scored a brilliant 29 goals and conceded only seven. However, their squad for this summer’s tournament in Poland and Ukraine has still not been finalised.

Though blessed with talent in each position, up front must be a cause for concern for the Spanish side ahead of Euro 2012.

All-time leading national team scorer David Villa has been out for the whole year so far with a broken tibia and looks unlikely to break back into the Barcelona side he had been slowly edged out of before his injury. Add this to his probable lack of match fitness when he does return and Villa managing to make the bench (assuming he makes the squad) seems hard to comprehend.

This brings us onto Fernando Tor-res. Chelsea’s £50 million striker has gone from hero to zero since his final season at Liverpool. A dismal show-ing at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa has not helped to cement his position as the main outlet for the Spanish attacks. His inconsistent performances are evidence of a lack of confidence in his own game.

Of the 29 goals scored in their last ten fixtures, only 11 were netted by an out and out striker, such is the depth of talent throughout the squad. Without a direct outlet for

their attack, opposing teams who have looked at methods to contain the Spanish will breathe a slight sigh of relief without David Villa bursting towards them and causing problems.

One key element of the Spanish style is their dynamic game plan. It doesn’t matter which way they want to play - be it tippy-tappy passing that frustrates their opponents or long diagonal balls splitting the defence apart - they can adapt and make chances. Subsequently, they need a versatile forward to be able

David Mann’s Tipping Corner


Pros: Despite only having a handful of well-known players, the Irish have always performed well in big competitions. As for their group. Spain? Only lost to them on penalties at World Cup 2002. Italy? Beat them at USA ‘94! If Ireland brings its A-game, sec-ond place is definitely on the cards.


Pros: Look at that jersey!Cons: There is no reason available not to support the Irish.

Croatia

Cons: Look at that jersey!

Republic of Ireland

to channel their play.

For me, coach Vicente Del Bosque should look no further than the man who has spearheaded Athletic Bilbao’s charge to the Europa League Final, Fernando Llorente (right). He is strong, quick and a handful for any defence (here’s looking at you Man-chester United). The 27-year-old striker has excelled himself this sea-son and with the possibility of gain-ing a European winners medal with his club, he surely has to be in with contention to be in Spain’s starting lineup, let alone the final

squad of 23.

The usual names (Mario Gomez, Robin Van Persie, Cristiano Ronaldo) are favourites in the current betting markets for top goalscorer of the tournament, but my money is going to be on Llorente. Slightly behind Torres on the internet exchanges, he looks tremendous value as an each-way bet.

Most bookmakers will offer 1-2-3-4 for places on top goalscorer bets, and with Spain’s chances of pro-gressing far in the tournament high,

there should be plenty of chances for their strikers, whoever they may be, to bag some goals on the way.

Stan James and BoyleSports are currently offering best price of 22/1 for Llorente to win the Golden Boot. With bookmakers willing to match first-time punters bets, and consid-ering the each-way value, this is my top tip for betting this summer.

GROUP D

Ukraine


Pros: Co-hosts so auto-matic entry although I imagine they would have qualified if they needed to. Andriy Shevchenko wears the armband for the blue and yellow, a trip down memory lane if ever there was one.

Sweden


Pros: As well as having some talented individu-als among their ranks (Sunderland’s Sebastian Larsson to be precise), their jersey is the key to this argument. It is creepily similar to the Scottish away strip. To the untrained eye it will work for both nations.

Cons: Despite being a very open group with a great chance of making the quarter-finals, an early trip home could be on the cards. Which for many players may only be the next village along.

Cons: Their league system does not scream “competitive”, and some-thing about the Swedish attitude of being very laid back might make the knockout stages seem like too much ef-fort. I think they’d much rather knock back a few Kopparbergs than run around in the East Euro-pean heat.

LADIES, dreading a whole month of fighting with the TV screen for your lad’s attention? Yes? Sadly Euro 2012 is upon us and for those of you who don’t know what this is, one word...football.

From June 8th to July 1st, girlfriends across Europe will be playing second fiddle to 22 men running around a pitch kicking a little white ball. However, instead of playing channel wars with your man, why don’t you take advantage of being able to ogle some of the talent on show. And here’s hoping these hotties

don’t mind sacrificing a yellow card for a topless goal celebration...

NAME: Cedric Carrasso (below)AGE: 30TEAM: FrancePOSITION: Goalie - We wouldn’t mind him saving us!

NAME: Davide SantonAGE: 21TEAM: ItalyPOSITION: Left Back - He’s a good man to have behind you

NAME: Steven Gerrard (right)AGE: 31TEAM: EnglandPOSITION: Midfielder - Loves to dominate

Euro Hot Lads

56

France


Pros: Apparently France have improved under Laurent Blanc, which from the outset sounds good. But considering their improvement is being compared to the shockingly awful perfor-mance at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, im-proving is the only thing they could have done.


Pros: How England have never won this competi-tion is beyond me. A squad full of household names make them a pop-ular team for the novices to support… could this be their year?

Cons: Anyone who preaches “forgive and forget” obviously never heard of Mr Thierry Henry.

England

Cons: No. No it won’t. Too many egos, not enough leadership…need I go on? Never mind the fact that Eng-lish jerseys aren’t the hot-test piece of fashion past the Borders...

NAME: Mario GotzeAGE: 19TEAM: GermanyPOSITION: Forward - He’s always open and ready

NAME: Cristiano Ronaldo (right)AGE: 27TEAM: PortugalPOSITION: Forward - Goes down easy

NAME: Fraizer CampbellAGE: 24TEAM: EnglandPOSITION: Striker - Never misses the target

NAME: Milan Baros (right)AGE: 30TEAM: Czech RepublicPOSITION: Striker - Knows where the right spot is

57

Picture used with permission from Channel 4

It is a harsh reality that in 2012 most of us are skint. The gap between the rich and the poor is expanding and we are bombarded with nasty buzz phrases like “credit crunch”, “economic crisis” and “Euro crisis”.

And it seems a bit strange to me that one of our most popular mediums of escapism from this doom and gloom is to watch television features, particularly programmes filled with wealthy people throwing their money around.

High end costume dramas seem to focus on highlight-ing the class divide normally associated with the 19th and early 20th centu-ries. Heaven forbid that a lowly Italian waiter would wink at a young lady in the first-class din-ing room in ITV’s Titanic series - how dare he!

Even the over-egged (pun intended) medium of cooking programmes seem to be ob-sessed with making us feel like inadequate philistines for not putting fennel, shallots, or in the case of Heston Blumenthal, liquid nitrogen into our meals.

But it’s not just costume dramas and food programmes where this ex-ists. Take a look at Made in Chelsea (above) - a programme filled with lavish parties and characters called Francis and Binky. The programme is described on 4oD as “following the lives and loves of the socially elite 20-somethings who live in some of London’s most exclusive postcodes”.

Now it would be wrong for me to pretend I came from an impoverished background. I consider myself to be extremely lucky. However some-thing doesn’t sit easily with me when I think about how these people’s lavish lives are plastered all over television.

It’s rare that such a programme would fill me with such mixed emo-tions. But I can’t figure out what qualifies these people to be on a TV show?

I don’t dislike them just because they are wealthy. For all I know they may work very hard. However this wasn’t made clear to me in the episode and a quarter (that’s a generous estimate) I survived through.

Am I supposed to hate them because they are privileged and want to see

what insane rubbish they get up to so I can get outraged about it? Or am I supposed to want to be like them and go to parties with girls called Caggie?

I have always remained adamant that I would avoid programmes like this and The Only Way is Essex - I refuse to call it TOWIE and I urge all of you to do the same - but I am a bit tempted to watch more of it to see if I can get a better understanding as to why I should care if these shallow people are going skiing this weekend.

James Proctor perseveres with champagne despite its side effects. Because that’s how they roll “up North”. James Proctor Champagne SuperNOva

58

a Purrfect Partner

A north-east woman saw her business career take off when she became business partners with Pussycat Doll Kimberly Wyatt. Julie Knowles visited Aberdeen to find out how.

Laura McComiskie started her own skin care range from her home ten years ago. But what started as a hobby for the 36-year-old soon turned into a business when she met American pop star Kimberly Wyatt. And it was all thanks to Laura’s musical fiancee David.

“David was in a band called Driveblind at the time. They were signed to the same record label as The Pussycat Dolls in Los Angeles,” she says.

“When David was in America he was always telling people about my skin care range and Kimberly really liked it, so we ended up getting in contact with each other.”

From there the pair decided to join forces and launch their own make-up range, BM (beautiful movements) Beauty. It is a continuation of Kimberly’s website where people go to express themselves, listen, relate to and learn from each other. They have been selling products online since January last year.

59

* Kimberly Wyatt is one busy lady as she manages to squeeze in the time to be a singer, songwriter, dancer, model, actress and choreographer.

* She is best known as a former member of the chart topping girl-group The Pussycat Dolls.

* Kimberly joined the ensemble in 2003 but announced her departure from the group in 2010.

The unlikely duo share similar views on make-up and the environment, in line with their business. However it is not the only interest they have in common.

“Kim and I both share the same enthusiasm for horror films,” Laura con-fesses. “But we find it difficult to find other people who like watching them with us!”

Despite sharing the same taste in scary movies, Laura and Kimberly are not quite as similar when it comes to appearing in front of the camera. Hardly surprising when one half of the partnership is an international celebrity.

“For our first photoshoot for the website I was so nervous, but Kim was just so natural,” she says. “Kim was tickling me to get me to loosen up. She is so used to being in the limelight but I hate it. I am happy for her to be the face of the products. People have asked us about going on television for interviews but I really don’t want to, although I know I will have to eventually. I deal with all the accounts, the website orders and enquiries from home.”

Laura is also quick to point out Kimberly, unusually for many celebrities, is sensible with her money and has been heavily involved in the whole process.

“People assume that there is a big team who run the business,” she con-tinues. “But there is only the two of us so we take things slowly. From the very beginning Kim and I took our time coming up with designing the name, the logo and the colours. It is great that we share the same vision about the business.

Pictures used with permission from BM Beauty

“We made an agreement at the start that if anything was bothering us, no matter how embarrassing it is, we have to talk about it. We meet up in London quite a lot to discuss things and we regularly use Skype. Kimberly is a fan of my cat Walter, so she hopes to see him whenever we chat online.”

Being connected to a Pussycat Doll has opened the door for Laura to brush shoulders with a few other famous faces.

“I remember meeting Alan Titchmarch because Kim was appearing on his ITV show,” she says. “He seemed quite grumpy, but maybe he was busy. Also, last year we went to The Clothes Show Live in Birmingham.

The cast of The Only Way Is Essex were there so I saw the likes of Amy Childs and Lauren Goodger.”

Success has brought some glitz and glamour into Laura’s life, but it has also put her under some pressure.

“It can be difficult to switch off my brain when I know I’m responsible for everything,” she admits. “Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if I have made the right decisions. But me and Kim have said we would still like to be doing this when we are old ladies. We want to be in this business for the long term.”

61

Jam. Jute. Journalism. Three industries synonymous with Dundee. As James Proctor finds out, it might be time to add gam-ing to the list.

From Brian Cox to The View. From the statue of Desperate Dan in the city centre to images of Dennis the Menace and Gnasher decorating local buses. You don’t have to look far around the City of Discovery to see this is somewhere with a creative side.

Yet it can sometimes be overlooked Dundee has an industry that combines the strong work ethic of the people and the city’s often forgotten creative edge - the computer games industry.

However the gaming industry is not a new arrival in Dundee. One of the biggest games franchises in the world originated in the city. The Grand Theft Auto series was created here by DMA Design. It is even referenced in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Allow your character to wander around the game and you may stumble across a billboard featuring a picture of Captain Scott’s ship Discovery complete with the slogan “Come to Dundee, look we have a boat that belonged to a loser”. [Hint – it’s in the airport].

DMA Design also created the tremendously popular Lemmings series. The original game is estimated to have sold over 15 million copies since 1991. The company now operates as Rockstar North and has a studio in Edin-burgh.

Proper Games primarily develop downloadable games for consoles, Face-book and mobile phones. They employ 17 staff, with almost half being graduates from the University of Dundee and Abertay University. The lat-ter was the first university in the world to offer courses specific to com-puter games in 1996. Chief Executive Officer Paddy Sinclair always had a strong interest in computing but had never set his sights on the gaming industry.

“I got a call from a friend who worked at Visual Science [a defunct Dundee games company] saying they had a potential vacancy I might fit into be-cause it was within their front end UI and design department,” he says. “I’d been working within multimedia which was a skill set they needed and one you don’t generally get within the games industry.”

Sinclair’s career took him to Proper Games following the closure of Visual Science in 2006. By now he was responsible for hiring rather than concen-trating himself on becoming hired. Taking the best talent from the local universities continues to be a fruitful strategy.

“You can take a good games graduate and just put them to work on day one and they will know what they are doing,” he says. “There’s very little lead up time, they’ve worked on these similar kinds of projects. They don’t know everything but they’ve got a good standing start. Not everyone has to be a games course qualified person, but it’s certainly a good step up.”

The City Of Virtual

Discovery

63

64

The close relationship between the company and Abertay University pro-vides more than just the benefit of readymade games graduates.

“It kind of feeds back on itself as they’ve been asking people within the in-dustry what is needed on a games course,” Paddy explains. “So constantly we’ve got people within the industry in Dundee coming to lecture at Aber-tay, so we’re actually getting probable graduates more suited to what we are needing than perhaps some of the other games courses throughout the country.”

The studio’s first project was the game Flock! in 2007. It is a puzzle game where you control a UFO and attempt to herd animals around levels. The title was a success, winning a Scottish BAFTA for ‘Best Game’.

“It’s the premier alien sheep herding game on the market,” he declares. “We like to think it is quintessentially British with that quirky British sense of humour. The graphics are soft and cuddly, and the whole world is kind of tactile. The characters in the game are all stuffed toys so there’s no real violence which means we can be absolutely ruthless with them.”

Another studio in the city is Tag Games. Paul Farley co-founded the com-pany five years ago having previously worked on the Grand Theft Auto se-ries at DMA Games. The company has worked with the BBC and Channel 4 as well as producing their own software under the Tagplay brand. Where Proper Games rely heavily on games graduates for their staff, Tag Games employ a different approach.

“Tag Games is one of the rare studios in Dundee, indeed the world, which is looking for talent regardless of where that talent comes from,” says Simon Adams, Tag project evangelist. “If someone has a real passion for games and is a genuinely intelligent person, a lot of leeway is given at Tag for people to learn on the job, to settle into their position and develop their career potential within video games.”

65

An example of one of Tag’s releases highlights a growing trend in gaming. Funpark Friends is a free to play game allowing players to build and run their own theme park and share them with their friends by visiting each other’s parks and riding each other’s rides. It is what’s known as a free-mium game. This means the game itself is free to download but money is made from selling in-game content and advertising.

“Most games on mobiles you see now are freemium,” Simon says. “From January this year you had a 60-40 split between a paid-for game and a free game. That’s now reversed, so of the top ten grossing games on mobile phones, 60 percent of those are now free to play games. So everyone is moving into freemium games.”

The games industry is constantly changing. New technology, like Ap-ple’s IOS and Google’s Android operating systems for mobile phones, has changed the sort of people playing games. This has presented new chal-lenges for both Proper Games and Tag Games as they seek to adapt to new market conditions.

“Back in the late ‘90s your average game was very much for your 16 to 25-year-old playing fairly hard-core third person shooters,” Paddy says. “I would say that’s not the case now. Now, there are a lot of people who are gaming who do not consider themselves gamers. There are millions of people playing games on Facebook and they are housewives, school-teachers, you name it. All of them would confidently say, ‘No, no, I’m not a gamer’, but this is where the revenues are coming from. They are playing the games so the non-traditional gamer has definitely picked up.”

66

“Mobile games have brought in a lot of new people but the issue is whether mobile games have retained those older core gamers,” says Simon. “Our principal user is a 34-year-old woman and that’s totally dis-tinct of what most people think of gaming, but that’s our principal tar-get. That’s who we aim for, that’s who we product design for, that’s who we product test for. But that doesn’t mean those games apply to core gamers, so mobile games have brought in new people of varying de-mographics we have to account for. Are they appealing to the older core gamers that sustained an industry for 20 to 30 years? Although we’re working with new people, the real question is whether we can maintain these new people while pleasing the older people who perhaps are a more long-term viable market for our industry.”

The growing trend of freemium mobile games presents other challenges and possible pitfalls. This is particularly true for the potential of small studios competing with their larger rivals.

Artwork used with permission of Tag Games

67

“What you are doing is you’re putting 200 thousand dollars into making a product and then giving it away for free hoping that it will work,” Simon adds. “Now we can do that. Bigger studios can do that. But small studios can’t, and it’s the small studios that used to be able to take a risk when developing games. Beforehand you’d have all these fantastically inventive and innovative games coming from small studios because they could take that risk. Now they can’t. If you’re giving a game away for free you have to make sure that you get the money back.”

In the recent Budget, the computer games industry was promised tax breaks to help it compete with countries such as Canada. Although the exact details of what this will mean are still unclear, it is something those within the industry have lobbied for.

“All you can ask for is a little bit of help in recognising we’ve undergone some changes recently,” says Paddy. “We need to protect ourselves against them. It wouldn’t have stopped the collapse of Real Time Worlds a couple of years ago, it’s not a bail out, but this is very much about producing prof-itable companies rather than saving companies from going bust. I’m more than happy to fully engage with it because it is the way forward.”

“Thankfully because of the new tax reliefs it means we will probably have more money and it will be a lot easier for us to employ,” Simon adds. “But we have a number of key personnel acquisitions that we’re looking to em-ploy over the next year which will hopefully help us become one of the biggest studios in Europe in mobile games within the next three years.”

If those predictions are correct and the gaming industry in Dundee main-tains or increases its growth, who knows which City of Discovery landmark may randomly pop up the next time you are exploring a new computer game.

BudapestA City Divided

Split by generational differences and political divisions, Henri Kukkonen travels to Hungary’s capital to make sense

of 21st century Budapest.

“Yeah, that’s the problem in Hungary, the old generation still thinks they can do that and it’s impossible to build a new system when they are like that.”

Our local guide in Budapest, 26-year-old Bence Forró, was talking about Hungary’s 69-year-old president, Pal Schmitt, who had been stripped of his doctorate after a plagiarism scandal but was refusing to step down from his office.

My first couple of hours here had already proven the city and the country are heavily divided on numerous fronts. The drive from the airport exhibited a mixture of grand European architecture and the decay of the Soviet-era buildings. We crossed the River Danube, which famous-ly separates the hilly Buda-side of the city from the flat Pest-side, and got out of the car to watch the lights of the bridges in the dark, cool Budapest night. Every time we mentioned the older, leading generation, Bence’s ges-tures became agitated and he was struggling to find the right words. Something was clearly wrong, but the old habits and attitudes are so deep under the nation’s skin, that constructive criticism is hard to put into words.

68

Crown detail on the Marga-ret Bridge looking across to the Hungarian Parliament

70

Bence’s mother had promised to treat us with a tradi-tional evening snack of pancakes, sweet cottage cheese, rosehip and plum jam, sliced sausages, cheese and homemade wine. She works as a journalist and was very sorry she could not take part in the conversation. Her generation never learnt English at school. They speak German or Russian as their second language. The wine, from her father-in-law’s winery, was white and it tasted like summer. Bence whispered to us that it isn’t usually as good.

“Apparently the old man had forgotten to add the vin-egar flavour,” he chuckled.

The next day the air was warm and we were carrying our jackets when we walked off the tiny bus which had bravely done the steep climb up to the top of the Buda-side. The public transport with buses, trams, metros and trains is an easy and cost-effective way to move around the city. The 72-hour ticket cost less than 3,500 forints (£10) ensuring taxis or tourist-full sight-seeing band-wagons were redundant.

At the top of the hill a group of more than 20 people were camping on the lawn outside the Presidential Palace. “OccyPal” and “System model: Steal and Lie” signs deco-rated their tents, demanding the president step down, but the group looked small on the authoritative square, also home to the National Gallery. The soldiers guarding the palace paid no attention to the hippies. The moun-tains surrounding us created an illusion of being some-where else, deeper south maybe. The panoramic view over the flat downtown looked misty and calm.

The Neo-renaissance buildings on Avenue Andrássy were giving no hints we were close to the most infamous building in the whole country. Andrássy út 60 is the per-sonification of all evil in Hungary, but the beautiful cul-tural hotspot and shopping boulevard completely hides it from the untrained eye. Andrássy út 60 is the home of the House of Terror, now a museum but formerly the home of fascist and communist era cruelty. In this build-ing, thousands of Hungarians were tortured and killed during the 20th century by secret service personnel of foreign dictatorial regimes.

“OccyPal” and “System model: Steal and Lie” signs decorated their tents, demand-ing the president step down, but the group looked small on the authoritative square

72

The museum is well composed and thought through. The tour starts from the top floor and descends toward the cellars where the original gallows still stand. The pain and suffering are a lot easier to imagine when you enter the tiny cells and touch the actual gallows. Metal-lic sounding ambient music and videos of crying survi-vors painted pictures inside our minds and only a few words were exchanged during the 90 minutes we stayed in the museum.

An authentic way to spend a night in Budapest is to go to a traditional Hungarian local (pub) where people of all age groups and socio-economic statuses gather for cheap drinks and snacks. These pubs are small establish-ments with a bar reminiscent of a butchers meat coun-ter, a modestly furnished second room with tables for eating and a kitchen through the back.

Usually the party orders the drinks together and the snacks for individual consumption. We got a litre of wine and sparkling water, which, if mixed together in various rations, is called fröccs. The owner of the place brought us our open sandwiches with mushroom-cream cheese spread, cheese, bacon, pickles and tomatoes. He was the only person working in the full pub and his work was a joy to watch.

The sandwiches, cheaper than a pound, tasted like granny’s and the fröccs flushed them down like

spring water.

73

While he was in the back making the sandwiches, the regulars would make sure the bar was okay and we in the other room would make sure nobody misbehaved. He was in no hurry and often stopped to sit down at the tables for a short chat with the customers. The sand-wiches, cheaper than a pound, tasted like granny’s and the fröccs flushed them down like spring water.

After the owner collected our plates he came back and asked if we had tasted Pálinka. Bence looked disap-pointed when we couldn’t recognise the name.

“Pálinka is a typical Hungarian brandy but it comes in various flavours,” he told us. “Like Champagne, you can only call something Pálinka if it comes from a special re-gion over here and if it has special fruits and herbs in it. It has to have an ABV between 37.5 and 86 percent.”

We got our round and I was positively surprised by the sweet taste of honey and raspberry. It’s not hard to tell that Pálinka is strong, but it is also very easy to drink. Rounds of honey-nut, strawberry, plum and cherry Pálinkas kept landing on our table immediately after the previous ones were finished. With endless rounds of Pálinka, enough fröccs for five average meals, and sand-wiches for the whole team, our night cost just under £35 for a party of five.

The sandwiches, cheaper than a pound, tasted like granny’s and the fröccs flushed them down like

spring water.

75

A brain savaged by excess Pálinka needs rest, harmony and fresh air. Margaret Island in the middle of the Dan-ube provides all of these and this mile and a half long green patch is a nice place to have lunch outside. The island works as a picnic mecca for the city’s people and the beautiful weather had lured a mass of tourists, fami-lies, teenagers, lovers and photographers out into the sun.

A handy way to get around the island is to hire a cross between a carriage and a bicycle. It consists of two bikes next to each other with a roof. Both travellers cycle while one has to steer the vessel with a tiny metal steer-ing wheel. The maximum speed doesn’t quite reach Tour de France standards but the lack of hills makes peddling easy and suitable for tired legs and lungs. A ‘Dreher’ from a restaurant on the side of the road was less than a pound and cycling around the island while downing the refreshing Hungarian lager was truly relax-ing. A trip around the parks of the island took about an hour and cost around £7.

Margaret Island is in the middle of Margaret Bridge, which like all other bridges in Budapest, was destroyed during the Second World War. The 2,000 foot bridge was renovated and nowadays provides a splendid view over the Pest-side of the city. Large stone sculptures of the Royal Crown decorate its sides and frame the view towards the parliamentary building on the riverbank. When walking on the bridge and looking at the parlia-ment and the crown, it is very hard to avoid the idea that the time of the old symbols of power is over.

Both travellers cycle while one has to steer the vessel with a tiny metal steering wheel.

76

[During the first days of 2012, tens of thousands of Hun-garians protested against the new constitution. It pro-posed to curb democracy, freedom of the press and free-dom of speech. The Prime Minister Viktor Orban’s Fidesz party gained a two-thirds majority in the 2010 elections and allowed it scope for constitutional reform. Whether the combined pressure from the European Union and Hungary’s citizens manage to affect the prime minister’s plans is unknown as yet, although the government has already made some EU-accepted amendments.]

The neighbourhood around the parliament is ideal for a good quality dinner, with many bistros, bars, cafes and restaurants favoured by MPs. Tigris, a small res-taurant offering Hungar-ian cuisine, is located less than a small cigar away from the parliament to-wards downtown Buda-pest. A table reservation is highly recommended but we didn’t need one as the clock was already on its way towards half past ten.

Hungarians like to eat cucumber with sour cream and we were served this with handmade crispy lasagne-like pasta on top of the salad-glass. The wine was extremely bubbly and complemented perfectly the sour cream and pasta. The second course, a selection of foie gras dishes, was served with a really sweet white wine. The creamy liver was brought with tuna, Crème Brulée, apricot jam and cheese wrapped in pistachio and tasted as colourful as it looked; sweet, smooth, creamy, sour and nutty. The course could also work as a dessert but it was not too sweet to come before the main.

The waiter gave us some time to recover from the previ-ous course before bringing in our mains. The Ameri-cans were making remarks about us, thinking that we didn’t understand them, but all the comments were in good spirits. I hadn’t noticed the silent music playing in the background and relaxed in my chair lis-tening to the French song with my arms on the white tablecloth.

The creamy liver was brought with tuna, Crème Brulée, apricot jam and cheese wrapped in pistachio and tasted as colourful as it looked; sweet, smooth, creamy, sour

and nutty.Tigris has been recommended by the Michelin guide for four years in a row and when we went inside everything was telling us they are serious with their establishment. The wall behind and next to the bar was full of wine bot-tles cleverly positioned facing towards the diners. The waiter told us they have around 15,000 bottles of wine on display and in the cellars below the restaurant. A group of four American men at the table next to us were sampling the alcohol far more than sampling their food. They complimented the wine and as each fork load was carefully constructed and planted to their mouths they gave each other knowing glances across the table.

Our waiter didn’t only take our order, but walked us through the menu making suggestions on their speci-alities. The sommelier helped us with the wines making sure each course received a suitable partner.

The mains arrived with their respective wines and the slight feeling of heaviness caused by the previous dish had disappeared. My roast beef wrapped in ham tasted juicy and rich. The spring onion potato pyre was light and assisted the flavours and texture of the meat just like a good caddie assists his golfer. The Hungarian red wine was surprisingly thin, but not tasteless, a nice touch from the sommelier.

We decided to skip the desserts because it was already midnight and closing time, even though the staff insist-ed we could stay for longer. The whole experience for two was under £100, a price you would pay for lunch in a similar setting in London, Paris, Stockholm or Madrid.

78

A future, where lies get caught, things get better and corrupt politicians are swept aside for good. And where honesty, cre-ativity and freedom shape the

lives of the next generation.

The joy on our friend’s face was impossible to miss when we finally heard of the resignation of the president. Con-structive words were hard to find, but at least it would be easier for young people to think about the future again. A future, where lies get caught, things get better and corrupt politicians are swept aside for good. And where honesty, creativity and freedom shape the lives of the next generation. Budapest and Hungary remain divided, but there are ways and means to enjoy and ben-efit from the experience.

81

Wearable artwork

David Mann discovers the new fashion label who are using clothes as a canvas...

82

No matter how big the brand, they all had to start some-where. Richard Branson started Virgin from the crypt of a church. A single restaurant in small town America was the birthplace of McDonalds.

Marc Castanié and Darren Seymour are two friends who have decided to start something. They want to create a brand that could be huge – from t-shirts and bags to hats and household products.

Their brand is Bato Hand Crafted.

The origins of the name came from an anagram of boat, and a take on the French word for such a vessel, bateau. The “Hand Crafted” part just fell on their lap due to the manufacture of their products.

Marc and Darren’s friendship formed in a contemporary clothing store in Aberdeen city centre. Post-shift drinks led to dreams of the pair wanting to do more with their time. Selling and sorting clothes wasn’t quite enough.

“We could see from our time in Attic [the clothes shop] that there were common trends during different sea-sons,” Marc says. “Autumn and winter months tended to have a more nautical theme while the spring and sum-mer had a more outdoors, natural feel.”

The nautical theme has formed the core of the design for Bato’s products so far. An example is their “Seawhores” t-shirt. It depicts a topless female sailor in a sultry pose that wouldn’t look out of place in the engine room of a Second World War battleship. Their logo also conveys a nautical image – a capital ‘A’ with a knot forming the bridge over the middle. However it wasn’t just seasonal trends that influenced the nautical theme.

“We also wanted to pay homage to Aberdeen,” Darren explains. “The city has naval traditions, and we can cre-ate a brand that relates to its origins. The capital ‘A’ gives reference to the city as well.”

83

The Granite City has been associated with the sea for hundreds of years – Aberdeen Harbour Board is Britain’s oldest business, established in 1136. The beachfront has long been a major attraction for those in the city during the rare warm days.

The images used on the brand’s clothing are all hand drawn by Darren, a visual communication graduate from the city’s Robert Gordon University. He has scrapbooks and pieces of paper scattered everywhere with draw-ings, ideas and concepts.

“I’ve always had a passion for art, for drawing,” he says. “Since I was young it’s been something I’ve always en-joyed.” Marc interrupts his partner. “He’s also very good at it.”

The originality of the artwork gives the clothing a cer-tain kind of appeal. It comes straight from the hand, head and heart. You know you’re wearing something that has been hand drawn for the sole purpose of some-one else wearing it.

“We want to have artwork you can wear,” Darren de-clares proudly.

With only themselves to work on the Bato gear, they have to use all their free time working in the studio. They have to make prints, develop artwork and physi-cally create the products from scratch. Free time is one thing the pair wish they had more of.

“We have to juggle our time between work, girlfriends and general free time,” Marc says. “We don’t have a team, staff or people helping us make them. It’s our own work to get the products made and out there for people to buy. It’s a time consuming process to make the clothes. It can be a good while before we can finally decide we like the product.”

“I’ve always had a passion for art, for draw-ing. Since I was young it’s been something I’ve always enjoyed”

84

Originally, Marc and Darren had to order cheap batches of t-shirts for practicing their designs and skills on. It wasn’t worth them using decent quality materials, espe-cially since any spending had to be done from their own investments.

“We don’t exactly have a lot of money,” Marc says. “So everything we can make from Bato will be directly re-invested into Bato.”

The t-shirts they used to practice on were given away through promotions on Facebook and Twitter. The low-er quality fabric wasn’t quite up to the standards they wanted for their sellable garments. But it has started people wearing the Bato brand and they hope will lead to others recognising the symbols and artwork on future items.

The individuality of each batch of clothing is important to the young entrepreneurs. They never plan to release the same artwork, logos or images on the same kind of clothing twice. For example, the Bato ‘A’ has featured on a grey sweat. In this crop there will be ten grey sweats with the ‘A’ design. They will number the product out of ten and note the design inside the collar, giving the owner an idea of how limited the product is. Future grey sweats would not have the same design on the front creating a unique or exclusive selling point. Appealing to those who wish to be different is a key target for the business.

“You can see this is an old, worn label. Probably dec-ades old. We can make use of it, putting our print on it to make it a Bato Hand Crafted label. Other clothing companies feign the worn image, but ours

is original. Vintage.”

Near Marc’s block of flats, which includes their studio, is an abandoned fabrics factory. A short venture round the building comes up trumps, as worn labels are scattered around that could be of use. Marc reaches into the in-side of his jacket and pulls out a label.

“You can see this is an old, worn label. Probably decades old,” he says. “We can make use of it, putting our print on it to make it a Bato Hand Crafted label. Other cloth-ing companies feign the worn image, but ours is original. Vintage.”

86

Due to the ‘hand crafted’ nature of our garments the product you or-der may differ to the one photographed - Bato design disclaimer

The hand crafted nature of their products does throw up its problems, particularly when it comes to printing. Al-though not any problems that can’t be craftily overcome.

“If our writing comes out smudged, out of place or squint, we’re still going to use it,” he adds. “At least any-one buying our products will know it’s authentic.”

Every product on their website is 100 percent organic and each item has a disclaimer which warns the hand crafted nature of the products may lead to differences between a photographed garment and the actual gar-ment.

Their equipment could be described as primitive, but also as cute. They make use of a children’s printing set and a heater for a glue gun to create their prints. Through constant trial and error they can eventually create prod-ucts good enough to sell. This kind of small time, low budget approach only adds to the charm of the clothes. They truly are hand crafted.

“We want to be able to afford bigger and better equip-ment. Stuff that could help us produce more items, faster,” says Marc. “But it’s just too expensive and we can only use what money we have.”

The reality of business can be harsh. A short downturn in fortune could lead to the end of their venture but the pair have high hopes for the future. But that doesn’t in-clude seeking loans to give them a helping hand along the way.

87

Due to the ‘hand crafted’ nature of our garments the product you or-der may differ to the one photographed - Bato design disclaimer

“Starting small, we know it’ll take a while before things get going,” continues Marc. “But we’re dedicated and im-portantly we enjoy it.”

“We wouldn’t want to have someone on our backs ask-ing us how much money we made this month, what we done that month,” Darren adds. “That’s too much pres-sure. We’re not quite ready for that yet.”

The pair only put their first batch of goods for sale on the internet within the past month. The novelty of entering the real business world is still clearly fresh on their faces as big grins sweep across them.

“It was a big step for us to see our things online for sale,” says Darren.

“When I saw that first sale come through, the feeling that someone was actually buying my product that I had worked hard on for all this time,” Marc adds excitedly, barely taking a breath. “It was phenomenal.”

So what next for the north-east duo? They know it will be a long and challenging route to the top. If they even get there.

“We were surprised at how fast word has spread,” says Marc. “Some people come into Attic and say, ‘Hey Marc, I hear you’re starting a label!’ and it’s all through either word of mouth or social networks. We’ve barely put our-selves about. It’s good to have our contacts though. We have friends at an events promotions company who or-ganise all the cool nights in Aberdeen and they would be happy with us selling our products at their gigs. The sky really is the limit.”

This may be the first time you’ve heard about the brand started from drunken conversations in a bar in the Gran-ite City. There’s a strong chance it won’t be the last.

Pictures: Batowww.batohandcrafted.com

facebook.com/batohandcrafted

Every donation makes a difference

GE

NE

RA

LS

UR

GE

RY

GY

NA

EC

OLO

GIC

AL

SU

RG

ER

Y

UR

OLO

GIC

AL

SU

RG

ER

Y

Your help

is key.

Please support UCAN’s £2.5M campaign to fund Scotland’s first robotically assisted surgical system and two integrated operating theatres for Aberdeen Royal Infirmary, which will benefit all patients requiring General, Gynaecological and Urological surgery in the future.

Online please go to www.ucanfundraise.org.uk

By calling UCAN office on 01224 553104 with your debit or credit card details.

By sending a cheque made payable to UCAN to:

UCAN Office, Foresterhill Health Centre, Westburn Road, Aberdeen AB25 2AY

T: 01224 559312 E: [email protected]

How UCAN donate:

Thank you for your support.

www.ucanfundraise.org.uk

Recognised Scottish Charity SCO36638

Deserved arrogance is beautiful. The cockiness of Eric Cantona cel-ebrating an amazing goal with his arms wide open, his chin and col-lar up, is brilliant. The opposite, boasting about a non-achievement, is embarrassing. And it only gets worse if the person tries to be modest about it.

Humble bragging is very popular in the mediums devoted to posting short bursts of self-centered pub-lic garbage. Here is an example from one of them, Twit-ter: “I just realized I’ve only showered in ONE of my FIVE show-ers since I’ve moved in here. This must change #totesproblems(@TotesMcGotes)”. So, what did Totes McGotes want to say here? He has FIVE showers. Well done mate. Well done.

People like this could do a favour for humankind and not reproduce leaving us with a slightly richer gene pool to work with. The point of evolution is to get better, right?

One of the most frequent subjects for humble bragging is travelling. Who hasn’t felt bad for their friend who is “SOOO TIRED” after spend-ing the day on the beach in Florida/walking around Paris/feeding tiger cubs at the zoo?

I would like to introduce a cool and retro medium for all of you humble braggers: the postcard. It has space for about 140 characters, but you don’t need to feel the urge to justify that you are having fun with pat-

ronising jargon because the point of the postcard is to say how much fun you are having.

Abstinence from humble bragging combined with sending a postcard won’t satisfy the hunger to boast to the masses, but it will definitely make one of the people closest to the sender happy. And save the in-nocent bystanders from reading the written form of diarrhea. See, a win-win situation.

All humble brag-gers, pay attention. To make this a win-win-win situation, you need to:

1. Find out and write down the address of your best friend/parents/anybody.2. Start having fun instead of constantly telling other people that you’re having fun.3. Think of your motives when you’re sharing stuff in social media - we can see you’re trying to be humble and it looks pathetic.

And for the others. If you see humble brags online, you can tweet them to @humblebrag or just post a link to urban dictionary’s definition of humble bragging in the comment field of the boast. I guarantee that the production of this tasteless pollution will be suspended sharpish.

Henri Kukkonen thinks there are worse things out there than asphyxiation. But he isn’t holding his breath..... Henri Kukkonen Humble bragging

humble bragging

A form of self-promotion where the promoter thinks he is, almost subliminally, bragging about himself in the context of a humble statement or complaint. Everyone listening thinks he is a jackass.

urbandictionary.com

90

“Oh, are you going to get a job with the News of the World?”

“Have you been practicing listening to my voicemail?”

The reaction you receive when you tell someone you’re studying jour-nalism is always the same. It’s fair to say that the phone hacking scan-dal has tarnished the reputation of the whole industry, similar to how the expenses scandal made every politician in the land look guilty - whether they were or not is besides the point.

The aftermath of this has focused on the Leveson Inquiry, a tribunal hang-ing the Murdoch family out to dry, as if that hadn’t been done before. The problem with this inquiry is since the Tony Blairs and Hugh Grants have given their spiel, the usual motley crew of “celebrities” is queuing up trying to get their hands on so-called compensation for sharing their se-crets. Secrets, which rest assured, many of them would have shared themselves the next time they were down on their luck and needing their names in the paper.

The recent appearance of Russell Brand at the Leveson Inquiry was similar to a sugar-filled 8-year-old in a cinema - giddy, out of place, and not paying attention to what’s going on. Yet this made the headlines, be-cause people had forgotten about it. People had forgotten the Leveson Inquiry was still sifting through the waste and they needed a burst of fresh air to make people care again.

This also raises the question, how much longer is the list of scroungers? How many more entertainment intervals like Russell Brand do they have? Some funny-hair loudmouths that talk strangely…sounds like Jedward will be making an appearance soon.

It also seems that the issue of the inquiry has altered slightly. To begin with it seemed that people who had been wronged would be discussed

and suitable compensation would be awarded, a small token of apology for deleting a murdered girl’s voice-mails a couple of years ago. Now it seems to have moved to an anecdote session with Rupert Murdoch talking about meetings he held with Marga-ret Thatcher and President-elect Rea-gan. President-elect Reagan. When was the last time he was referred to as that? No matter how long the queue, I’m sure there are more im-portant issues to be discussed than Murdoch’s social life in the 1980s.

There are those who say no stone must be left unturned and every in-teraction the News of the World has carried out in the past needs to be in-spected with a fine-tooth comb by a legion of top lawyers. Speaking as an Irishman and coming from a country that seems to carry out inquiries and tribunals for fun - the Mahon Tribu-nal, Flood Tribunal…just wait for the bill.

And I’m sure they’ll hold an inquiry for the inquiry after that.

Joe Folan has a history of youthful phone hacking (just add five). Oh, yes, he is from Ireland. Last Word Is anybody listening?

92

www.brewdog.com

It’s time!

For the craft beer revolution.

www.brewdog.com

It’s time!

For the craft beer revolution.


The Resistance.

ctrl.alt.defeat

Documents

new york

defeat issue

city scene

young artist

grant fiskenfeatures

craft beer revolution

imagea new buzz

aberdeenbased band